The Wizard of Cuz
by Shrilanka-San
Summary: Can Serenity and her brainless, heartless, and courageless friends not to mention her plush toy defeat the NotNice Witch of the West and his flying, fuzzy bunny hoarde? Bounty hunters, witches, and enchanted trees all come into play! Yes, it's wierd! COMP
1. If I Only Had a Wish

Hello Everybody!

Welcome to the very first ever fan fiction story written by me, The Wizard of Cuz!!! Yay!!!

Okay, I'll stop.

The following story is rated PG for some extremely mild language which is few and far between, randomness, utter chaos, people occasionally getting struck by lightning, and tiny munchkin people dancing around to the Barenaked Ladies (Who I don't own)

This is also a comedy piece, as almost all parody pieces are, and as I mock out The Wizard of Oz, I also add some of my own junk, so you shall see many new adventures that weren't in the movie. The first chapter is going to have a spoonful of drama in it too, but the rest of the book is comic.

I really don't want to give to many introductions, but I will tell you this much. **I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH, EVEN THOUGH I AM WORKING ON IT, AND I DO NOT OWN THE WIZARD OF OZ! YU-GI-OH BELONGS TO KAZUKI TAKAHASHI, AND THE WIZARD OF OZ BELONGS TO…I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT ME!!!!!!!!!**

I also don't own Spongebob Squarepants.

I wish I had something really, really cool to say for an opening line…but I don't.

Okay then. Onto the craziness!!

**CHAPTER ONE**

If I Only Had a Wish

_Once upon a time, in the land of happy, fuzzy bunnies and artificial sugar flavoring, a band of silly little dandelion people wearing green tights danced around to music played by floating harpsichords and-_

_Oh no! Shrilanka-San's back!! Help!! NO!! I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU WRITE THE STORYL:DJGohjboirurlKUfoieujgvosdkvj0ijlj-_

I knew I shouldn't have left the computer on. Curse my stupid little brother. Now I have to change my online account password AGAIN!!! And he totally made a mess of the opening paragraph too! I mean look at it! His frantic scraping on the key board as I put him in a choke hold and threw him off my third story room window messed it up!! This is not going to look good on the R and Rs!!!!

Well, whatever.

Okay. Onto the real story.

---ooo---

It pretty much rotted to be Serenity.

She realized it one…what day is it…Tuesday morning when she got up from bed. From birth, she had severe problems with her eyes, so her entire room, not to mention her entire world, was a complete and utter fuzz ball. She knew she didn't have many days of vision left, so she decided to enjoy her fuzz ball world, because soon she wouldn't be able to see anything at all.

She looked outside her window to see a very happy, chirping, fuzzy robin, singing his heart out, even though it was raining outside.

Serenity opened her window to get a better look at the fuzzy bird.

"Hello Mr. Robin!" she said cheerfully.

At that minute, the Robin let out a hack, and then had a heart attack. It then fell down in a twenty foot drop, and then was snatched up by a hungry cat.

"Some cultures would consider that a bad omen," Serenity said, closing her window.

---ooo---

"Mom!" Serenity called in her pink pajamas, walking down the stairway to the breakfast table. "A bird died and plunged from my third story window and got eaten by a hungry cat. Is that a bad omen?"

"In some cultures," her mom replied. "Come on sweetie, I made you a couple of cinnamon buns."

"Mom," Serenity asked. "Do you think Joey got my video saying that I didn't have much time left to see stuff? What if he doesn't come in time before…you know?"

"I can't really answer that honey," said her brown haired mother, some gray streaks woven in. Serenity's hair was rusty brown, unlike her mother's and her eyes were green brown, quite similar to her mothers. Serenity knew why her Mom tried to keep the subject away from Joey. He was the closest connection to her ex-husband.

"Do I really have to go to school?" Serenity begged as her Mom plopped her a couple of cinnamon buns in front of her on a plate, her favorite breakfast. "My eye sights not that good, and I don't like going to school anyway! Everyone thinks I'm a freak!!"

"I know it's hard sweetie," her mom said, washing a couple dishes on the stove while Serenity ate, "but the doctor said…well, you really need to enjoy being able to see school while you still can."

"But the bad omen…" Serenity started.

"That wasn't a bad omen!" said her mother. "It was just a terribly inconvienient coincidence."

"Aren't they kind of the same thing?" Serenity asked.

Her mother sighed. She didn't want Serenity to be miserable on the last few days of vision she had. Even with no vision at all, no one deserved to be miserable in school.

"Look sweetie," her Mom said. "I know times seem pretty tough, and there is a lot of weird things happening in the world that doesn't make any sense. But it's a well known fact that every dog has his day."

Serenity just sat quietly, eating her cinnamon buns. Her mom walked over and gave her a small kiss on the head.

"You'll be fine," her mom said. "You'll make friends someday Serenity. Even if they are figments of a fourteen year old psychotic authoresses warped imagination, and you find yourself in a magical land of idiots, munchkins, and people who float around in bubbles."

"Huh?" Serenity asked.

"Nothing," her mom said.

---ooo---

**LATER, WHEN SERENITY GOT HOME!!!! WOOOOO!!!**

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" Serenity's mom sung. "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Absorbent and yellow and pourus is he! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!"

"Hi mom," Serenity said gloomily, walking in slowly, dropping down her bag on the rug and trudging slowly into the room.

"AAHHHH!!! SERENITY!!!!!!!!" her mom cried, promptly switching the channel. "I was just, uh, looking for the weather channel!! Yeah, that's it!!!!"

Then, she saw Serenity collapse sadly on the love seat.

"Oh sweetie!!!" Her mom cried, walking over to her. "What's wrong baby? Bad day?"

"It was horrible Mom!!" Serenity cried, franticly hugging her mom around the neck. "I couldn't see any of the balls flying in Gym class first of all, and that mean old Sara keeps yelling at me, and she said words that I really can't say!"

"Oh no," said her mother. "Did you tell the teacher?"

"What's to tell?" said Serenity. "People get picked on all the time. What makes me so special? Then, I bombed my Spanish quiz, and I spent a long time studying!"

"Sometimes these things happen," said her mother. "You'll get it next time!"

"But the worst was Biology," said Serenity. "We had a substitute, and she didn't know I was partially blind, so I had to ask her every little word she wrote on the board. People wouldn't stop snickering…"

There was silence for a moment.

"Mom," Serenity asked. "Does every dog really have his day?"

"I'm sure," said her Mother. "Sometimes it's just…well, uh…um, how should I explain this…I got it!!"

With that, her mom went off. She was gone for a few minutes, and Serenity, knowing what her mother was capable of, was a bit worried about what her seemingly harmless mother was capable off, was worried. She didn't want a whole repeat of the whole 'business sized envelope' incident.

"You aren't getting out the jackhammer again, right Mom?" Serenity called. Serenity's Mom, if you haven't noticed, has way too much free time.

"You made me get rid of that, remember?" her Mom replied. She came back with and old, red, wool sweater. Serenity was hoping she got rid of that too.

"You're going to try to teach me a lesson using a sweater?" Serenity asked in puzzlement. "Mom, what did you put in your coffee this morning?"

"Serenity," her mom said, "life is like a great, big, inside-out sweater."

"That's it," Serenity said. "Stay here Mom. I need to look up the Aromatheripst's number."

"Bear with me, okay?" her Mom said. "Now, when we flip this sweater inside out, we get a disgusting mess of string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mothballs, moths, worms, and strange, alien objects that I don't want to describe! You get what I'm saying?"

Serenity nodded, hoping that if she would, her mother would be quiet and not try to attach metaphors to various garments.

"Let's have a look!" her Mom sad, promptly shoving her hand into the sweater, grabbing the neck, and tugged it until it was inside out. Indeed, there as string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mo-

"Alright! We get it!!" Serenity yelled at me and my very lovely description of the inside-out sweater.

"Who are you talking to dear?" her mother asked.

"No one," she said quickly.

"Alright then!" her Mom said. "Well, life' just like it!! Life is completely confusing, weird, unsanitary, and overall disgusting. And no matter how much we try, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!!"

"Oh, thanks Mom," Serenity said. "I feel soooo much better."

"Well," he mom said, reaching back into the sweater and flipping it to being right side in again, "when we look at the other end of the sweater, everything makes sense, and there aren't any lose strings or lint or filth anywhere! The point is that life is really confusing, one would even go as far as saying completely messed up. To understand it, we just have to look at the other side of the sweater."

"Wow Mom," Serenity said. "That was almost completely and utterly confusing, but it sure was deep. Thanks."

They hugged.

"Now then," said her mom. "Who wants to go downstairs to fight the mice people to get my Arbor Day decorations?"

"One, nobody decorates for Arbor Day," Serenity said. "And two, for the three millionth, six hundred eight-five thousandth, three hundred seventy first time, THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS MICE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

---ooo---

Or are there?

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!! BWA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Em…sorry. It's just, uh…I was watching…um, this really funny episode of Dave the Barbarian last night and-

Never mind.

---ooo---

**THAT NIGHT IN BED!!!!WoOoOoOoOo!!!!!!!**

Serenity quietly sat in bed that night, exhausted by the day's usual wear and tear on her mind and soul. High School does that to you. Thank goodness she had her mother, even though she was questioning her sanity more and more every day.

What Serenity wished more than anything else though was to have friends to keep her company through the dreaded seven hours of school, Monday through Friday, and only summer and holidays off. She stared out the window at the great blanket of shiny dots which she presumed were stars and not a herd of airplanes. There was no way to tell which one came out first, but she decided that a star is a star is a star, and made a wish. It was on no star in particular, but a wish just the same.

"_**I WISH THE WORLD WOULD BE CONQUERED BY MAGIC, MUSTARD MARSUPIALS FROM MICHIGAN!!!!!"**_

Hey! That's not the line!

"I'm improvising," Serenity said.

How is this improvising!? The line didn't have anything to do with condiments, mammals with pouches, or a state that's in between two great lakes!! Or is it three? Or one? Gahh!! Who cares?!?

"Well," Serenity said. "To be honest, I forgot."

How can you forget it??? My little brother could do it if I didn't throw him out of my third story window!!

"I can't help it!!" Serenity cried. "It's kind of preoccupying to be partially blind!!"

Fine. Here, I wrote it down.

"I can't read your handwriting," Serenity said.

Oh fine, I'll do it. **_SERENITY WISHED THAT SHE COULD BE IN A LAND WHERE SHE WOULD SEE PERFECTLY AND MAKE TONS OF FRIENDS!!!!!!!_**

Ironically, at that very moment, the tornado of the century, with the strength to kill ten full grown men, eighteen full grown woman, nineteen half grown women, six half grown turkeys, nine farm grown cans of corn, four ducks, a ballerina, an undertaker, sixteen trees, a rouge stapler, a gym teacher, two…more ducks, a kitty, and the entire Steelers football team with one swing of it's mighty…whatever tornados swing. The point is, Serenity's house got sucked up like a giant dust bunny, far into the stratosphere, and far away from the somewhat sane world that she knew.

---ooo---

"Alas, poor Serenity Wheeler was forced to be thrown into the heavens, far from her mother, not to mention her own life and sense of reality," said a peculiar man wearing a seventeenth century outfit, including those ridiculous Shakespeare-y pants, equipped with an old style British accent and feather pen, sitting at a writing desk. He paused for a moment to sip from his glass of cranberry-raspberry fruit cocktail from a wine goblet. "The young maiden, thrown to lands where the very makeup of her world is turned upside down, now must embark on an epic journey to find her home, possibly to never be seen again. However, do not weep for our dear heroine. I SAID SUCK IT UP YOU BABIES!!!!!"

Um…who are you?

"I am the narrator for Fancy Pants Theater," said the loon.

This isn't Fancy Pants Theater. This is

"Oh, drat," said the fruit loop. "Now, I have to get that STUPID SUV TO START AGAIN!!!!!!!"

He promptly got out of his chair and went home, and out of the chapter, wondering if there was a new episode of CSI on tonight.

---ooo---

Okay then…well, that's all for this chapter. Really, honestly. Yeah, it's kind of long, but I tend to rant.

As long as you all think it's funny. Or at least amusing. Or entertaining.

Well, let's put it this way. If at any time you had the extreme urge to hack a pickax through your computer, then I have failed you as a writer (in training).

However, if by the off chance you actually liked it, then here is your task. YOU MUST REVIEW IT!!!! IF YOU DON"T, YOUR DREAMS WILL BE HAUNTED FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, not really, but it would make me happy.

Plus, I'll put out another chapter for you.

Need additional encouragement? Here you go! A sneak peak at the next chapter!!!!

---ooo---

The colorful bubble floated closer and closer to Serenity, much to her shock. It landed right in front of her, a beautiful shade of rosy pink, and inside it stood a blond haired woman wearing a crown, strapless belly shirt, purple jacket thing, micro mini, and thigh-high boots.

"Alright," she said, still inside the bubble. "Are you a good witch or a b- hey, wait a sec!! How come this stupid bubble hasn't disappeared??"

She pushed her hands out, and the elasticy balloon thing stretched out with it.

"STUPID BUBBLE!!!" she screamed, hammering through it with the horned heels of her boots. She successfully popped the bubble, but out of rage, she was still trampling it to dust with her high heels. After her rage spat was over, panting, she regained her poise, and looked Serenity in the eye.

"Well," she said. "Are you a good witch, a bad witch, or a mediocre witch?"

---ooo---

Next chapter (assuming any of you review), we've got the origin of The Wicked Witch of the West (you'll laugh when you see who. Trust me), Toto, and many others!!

So please review me! PUL-LEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE???


	2. If I Only Had a Pair of Ruby Platform Sl...

What? You're back? Someone actually liked the book?

Wow, miracles do happen.

If any of you thought the previous chapter was preachy, I apologize. I can't resist drama at times.

Ironicly, I think my little brother's freak bunny attack on my fanfic actually boosted my R and Rs instead of destroying them…ironic, no?

You would not believe all the very nice people who reviewed me. Hooray!! I'm recognized! Anyway, any questions/comments/death threats in the future, my mailbox is open. Okay all you R and R ers, the followings just for you!!

Nkitty29: you are my first reviewer ever!!! Special kudos to you! Thanks a ton, and here's that chapter you wanted! Thank you again!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler: Thank you!! As for the characters, you'll have to read. I already have them all picked out. Though I'm really glad you're into it. I hope you like this chapter!

Mifurey: Thank you for the review (and the smilies)!! I certainly will.

An unknown someone: I'm glad you liked it!! However, in honest confession, my brother would probably try to warp my fanfic with Tea more than lands of fuzzy bunnies. Or worse…Bionicles…

Nashida: Thank you for the R and R, and also for your support for the ongoing war of keeping younger siblings off of fanwork. Don't worry, I do the soda cans in my schools, so I've got a good upper arm.

But just in case, what kind of 'toys' are we talking about?

Well, what's left to say? Onto the craziness!!!

**CHAPTER TWO  
**If I Only Had a Pair of Ruby Platform Straps

The house was violently rocking back and forth and around and around as Serenity clung to her bed, hoping she wouldn't get thrown off into Mother Nature's vacuum cleaner.

Ignoring the obvious fact that it's dangerous to stand next to a window during a tornado, Serenity walked over to a glass window and looked out to see all the weird things flying by her window, seeing all the weird things that were passing her by.

The winds of the tornado obviously had picked up many innocent people in its wake. Serenity saw all kinds of weird people fly by her door. She saw a local DJ, who's English was so terrible that many tune out of his station the second they here his scratchy voice, and so stupid that as long as he had his headphones on, he assumed he was still working, even though he was soaring around in a swivel chair.

The next thing that came by was another person who wouldn't care that she had been sucked up by a tornado; a High School English Teacher. She was used to walking around the halls listening to obscenities being screamed at loud volumes. The violent winds of the tornado were no different, except it was quieter. She was pacing around on a slab of linoleum hallway that got sucked up with her.

But by far the most disturbing thing of all was what came next; the extremely bad middle aged rapper.

"YO YO YO!!!!!!" screamed the middle aged rapper, standing behind those huge nylon record player things. "DIS IZ MC OLD WRINKLED GUY IN DA HOOOOOUSE!!!! AND DIZ IS MY DAWG, GOTTA LOVE IM, MINI-FRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The mini-fridge stood lifelessly next to him, the saner of the two.

"HALL-RIIIIIIIIIIIGT!!!!!!!" screamed MC Wrinkled Old Guy. "Today weez gonna ROOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!!! Dis is a rap about mah dawg dawgs!! NOW GIVE IT UP FOR RD TO THE HIZZAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! Amp dat sucka up Mini-Fridge!!!"

The background beat started, and MC Wrinkled Old Guy burst into horrible melody.

_Her back is black and her fur is read_

_She's got a boney tail and an empty head_

_Cause she's RD to the Hizay, heck ya_

_RD to the Hizaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!_

_She mah commutes own red mutt_

_She's got a bone made of cone and a furry butt_

_Cause she's RD to the Hizay, heck ya_

_RD to the Hizaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!_

_Down in the hood we know she's all that_

_She's loved by the folks and harassed by the cat_

_Cause she's-_

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" screamed Serenity, unable to take any more of the horrible song. She promptly lifted a chair with her bare hands and threw it out the window, knocking the rouge rapper out of the spiral and into parts unknown.

After that, Serenity looked outside once again to see another peculiar sight. There was a blond haired woman driving a Jaguar with the top down, peace signing her as she drove by in mid air. Suddenly, before Serenity's very eyes, the car morphed into a Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick, and the blonde haired woman was suddenly wearing witches garb.

"Now, I shall commit acts of evil!" The witch said.

"What?!?" Serenity yelled out the window over the wind. "I can't hear you!!!"

"I said, I'm going to commit acts of evil!!!!!" Said the witch.

"Come again????" Serenity yelled.

"GOSHDARN YOU!!!!!!" said the witch. "I SA-AID, I AM GOING TO COMMIT ACTS OF EVIIIIL!!!!"

Suddenly, a great, big red sign appeared behind the witch that said 'Ride Over'.

"DARN YOU ALLL!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the witch, and suddenly, everything went down. Faster and faster the house spiraled around and around and around, going ever faster down!! DOWN AND DOWN AND DOWN AND-

---ooo---

_Here comes the Snow Queen!!!_

_Her Majesty in white!!_

_Queen of the winter-_

---ooo---

Sorry. I forgot I tapped this over 'The Snow Queen'. Hang on, let me fast forward…any second now…come on YOU STUPID VCR!!!!!!!!!! Why did I let my mom tape that??? HOW DO PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS??????????? I DEMAND DVR!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I just needed to let that out. Back to the…

Hang on sec. I just remembered that this is a book, not a badly tapped video.

My bad.

---ooo---

CRASH!!!!!!!!

The house landed. Serenity was wondering where she was, hopping beyond all belief that it wasn't in Texas.

To make sure that when she walked out into whatever horrors awaited her, she took her security plush toy with her, an adorable kitty which she had named, Miss Fluffy-Kins. Her Mom was a Fluffy, her dad was a Kin. You know how it works.

Anyway, bravely hugging her stuffed-yet-cuddly calico, Serenity, very bravely, walked down the stairs. She slowly walked up to the front door, and stood in front of it for a few seconds for dramatic effect.

Then, she opened it.

She was in deep shock. The world around her was different. Way too different. Then she realized it. SHE WAS IN TECHINCOLOR!!!!!!!!!!!

But she was in Technicolor when she started out, so it was really less of a deal than I made it out to be.

However, the land itself was filled with bizarre plants, flowers, trees, yada yada yada.

"Ms. Fuzzy-Kins," said Serenity. "This doesn't look like were in the badly dubbed 4Kids series anymore."

Suddenly, twinkly music began to play in the backround. A cute little pink bubble began to float in the air, really small and distant at first, but then growing closer and bigger.

The colorful bubble floated closer and closer to Serenity, much to her shock. It landed right in front of her, a beautiful shade of rosy pink, and inside it stood a blond haired woman wearing a crown, strapless belly shirt, purple jacket thing, micro mini, and thigh-high boots.

"Alright," she said, still inside the bubble. "Are you a good witch or a b- hey, wait a sec!! How come this stupid bubble hasn't disappeared??"

She pushed her hands out, and the elasticy balloon thing stretched out with it.

"STUPID BUBBLE!!!" she screamed, hammering through it with the horned heels of her boots. She successfully popped the bubble, but out of rage, she was still trampling it to dust with her high heels. After her rage spat was over, panting, she regained her poise, and looked Serenity in the eye.

"Well," she said. "Are you a good witch, a bad witch, or a mediocre witch?

"Sorry?" Serenity asked.

"Are you a good witch, a bad witch, or a mediocre witch, because if you're dropping real estate on people who are just flying by, then you better be doing it on the light side."

"Well, to be honest, I'm not a witch at all. I'm Serenity Wheeler, from a badly dubbed, English version of a hit Japanese Anime, which makes my real name Shizuka Kawai, but we aren't going to get into that."

"Oh…kay," The woman said.

"Besides," Serenity said, "aren't real witches supposed to be old and ugly and full of warts and stuff?"

"AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed many voices from behind the many oddly-colored bushes surrounding the two.

"What was that????" Serenity cried.

"Oh, it's okay," said Mai. "Those are the Munchkins. They're just acting stupid. You see, only bad witches are ugly. I am Mai Valentine, The Good Witch of the North, North-east, and I still want to know if you're good or not."

"I try," said Serenity.

"Is that the witch?" Mai said, pointing to the kitten plushie.

"That's a stuffed animal," Serenity said severely. "Wait a sec, did you say I dropped a house on someone?"

"Yep," said Mai, pointing to the house. There, underneath it, was a hideous pair of black striped socks sticking out from under it, and on their feed was a pair of bright red, six inch, platform strap shoes.

"That is the body of Celia, the Kinda-Okay Witch of The South-East," Said Mai. "She has been torturing this town for hundreds of years."

"Wait a sec," said Serenity. "If she was kinda-okay, then how was she torturing you?"

"Hence the term 'kinda-okay'," said Mai. "She mauled old men, stole candy from children, didn't put shopping carts in their proper location, harassed daytime television, and most of all, she wore those horrible striped socks with platform straps. I mean really."

"So…what know?" Serenity asked.

"Partying I guess," said Mai. "Now that you liberated their town from the witch-y menace, they'll probably throw some sort of wild party. Alright you losers, come on out!!"

With that, all the Munchkins popped their heads from all kinds of random places. They came out of bushes, trees, bush like trees, tree like bushes, housed, under rocks, local libraries, and general hiding places like that."

"Attention all Munchkins!" said Mai. "This is Serenity Wheeler, who comes from badly dubbed something, something or other. She killed Celia. Throw your stinkin' party."

"Alright!!" said a spiky haired short kid with blonde bangs and a six pointed head. "Nice to meet you Serenity Wheeler! I am YUGI MOTOU, WICKED, OPPRESIVE DICTATOR OF MUNCHKIN LAND!!! I RULE THESE PATHETIC YOCALS WITH AN IRON FIST!!!!!!!!!!"

"'Oppressive Dictator'?" a Munchkin said.

"We have government elections every year!!" Said another. "This is a Democracy!!"

"Not anymore!!" said Yugi. "That is," he said, twirling the upside-down triangle like medallion on his neck, "unless any of you want to do pitched combat with my terribly brutal and wicked powerful alter-ego!"

All the Munchkins shook their heads in panic, muttering a chorus of "no thanks" and "we're good".

"Okay!" Yugi said. "Then in that case, we need to have the dead-corpse-observer-person to make absolutely sure Celia the Kind of-Okay Witch of the South-East is really dead!!"

"She got mowed down by a house," said Serenity. "There isn't much outlook in her favor."

"Nonesence!" said Yugi. "Go on dude!"

Thus, the corpse was fully observed by highly trained professionals, who did numerous tests, autopsies, brain scans, pulse regulations-

Ha, just kidding. Some guy just kicked her foot. She didn't move a muscle.

"She's dead!" he called back.

"Then what are we waiting for?" said Yugi. "Break out the Barenaked Ladies!"

With that, from huge stereo systems that were paid for by tax dollars and could have been used for rebuilding roads and hospitals soon blared out 'Another Postcard With Chimpanzees'. Serenity then found herself floated across the hands of all the Munchkin people and carried to a horse drawn carriage made of solid imitation gold plastic.

"Let's here it for Serenity!!" said Yugi joyfully, handing her a huge bouquet of abnormally weird flowers and lollypops. "She shall be forever remembered as the liberator of our sorry excuse for a town!!"

All the Munchkins cheered, passing her up many gifts that were either made of flowers or candy…or helium. However, a burning question still ached in Serenity's mind.

"Wow," she said, as all the gifts were being passed up. "You sure seem happy that I just committed third degree murder!"

"You bet we are!" said Yugi. "That way when her boyfriend comes to turn us all into disgusting, charred, black splotches on the ground with his unbelievably strong powers, we'll have someone to blame it on!!!"

"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" screamed Serenity, but before she could say another word, with a small squeak, a huge explosion of green smoke billowed from the center of town. All the Munchkin people screamed, even though they knew this was going to happen. As the smoke cleared, a tall, silver haired man in a red dress suit and a witch's hat was looming around, one brown eye staring at Serenity.

"Who's that?" Serenity franticly whispered to Mai.

"Oh that's Pegasis, the Extremely Not Nice Witch of the West," said Mai.

"You mean warlock," said Serenity.

"Nope. Witch," said Mai.

"How 'not nice' are we talking?" Serenity asked.

"Oh, he's at least ten times meaner and twenty times more powerful than Celia," said Mai. "And boy oh boy does he look mad."

"Who dared to kill my girlfriend??" screamed Pegasus in a fancy-pants accent. "Was it you my pretty?" he said, pointing a very threatening finger at Serenity.

"Um…well…there's a funny story behind that…" Serenity faltered.

"SILENCE!!!!!!!!" screamed Pegasus, and a huge, shiny piece of thin metal-like stuff was waved back and forth in the background to make a thunder effect. "YOU MURDERED MY BELOVED!!! FOR THAT, YOU MUST DIE!!!"

"Don't you want the platforms?" said Mai.

"The platforms," said Pegasus with a hiss. "Yes, yes, the platforms. With them, I shall have all the power I need. Yes, all of it!!"

So, he walked over to the house that mowed down is late girlfriend to pull off the Ruby Platform Straps. As he reached out, the platforms disappeared, and violent violin music played as the socks suddenly dragged themselves in for the fear of Pegasus's touch.

"They're gone!!" Pegasus snarled. Then, her turned to see Mai stare triumphantly back at him with a 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah' kind of look.

"You did this!!" he yelled, stalking angrily over to Mai. "YOU FILTHY-"

"Ah, ah, ah," said Mai. Suddenly, Serenity felt herself suddenly grow half a foot taller, and she suddenly had a violent wobble from shock, which she needed to use Mai for to break her fall.

"Sorry Peggy," said Mai. "Serenity gets the platforms, you get _nada._"

"No big deal," said Pegasus. "I'll just blast her to bits here and now and take the darn things!!"

"You powers don't work her, remember?" said Mai. "All the cable signals screw it up."

"CURSE YOU TIME WARNER DIGITAL CABLE!!!!" screamed Pegasus. "Fine!! I'll just command my army of flying, fuzzy bunnies to take care of her good and quick!"

"They're at a baptism!!" said Mai. "Jeez!! Even I know that!!"

"Darn," Pegasus muttered. "Listen well then!! Somehow, I'll get my hands on those platforms, me and my flying fuzzy bunny hoard too!! I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!!"

"She's a plushy cat!!" said Serenity. "And her name is Miss Fuzzy-Kins!!!"

"FAREWELL YON IDIOTS, AND I MEAN THAT IN THE IRONIC, MOCKING SENSE!!!!!" said Pegasus. "NOW, I SHALL MYSTERIOUSLY VANISH!!!!! BWA HA HA HA!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!"

And as the smoke shot up, Pegasus continued to laugh at absolutely nothing, like all traditional evil villains do. However, he was so busy laughing that as the smoke cleared, he was still there.

"BWA HA HA HA!!!!" he continued. "BWAH HA- Oh darn it."

With that, realizing that everyone knew he was a fako, he just un-dramatically walked away.

"Oh great!!" said Serenity. "An evil fruit loop is out to kill me, I'm miles from home, and I'm stuck with these platforms! What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry Serenity," Mai said calmingly, helping her stand up straight on her new platforms. "I know a way you can get home in no time flat. Far across many lands, over wild territories is the great and powerful Wizard of Cuz!! He can help you get home, because he has powers beyond your imagination."

"Is he nice?" said Serenity.

"Oh he's very nice!!" said Mai. "And all you need to do to find him is follow the yellow brick road!"

She pointed to a spiral that was made of bricks on the ground. One part of the spiral was made out of red bricks, one was made out of yellow. Bricks I mean.

"Cool!!" Serenity said. "So…where does the other path go?"

"Target!!!" Mai said

"I see," said Serenity. "Can't you just give me a coach made from some kind of gourd and turn rodents or rats or whatever to take me to this wizard loser?"

"I could," said Mai, "and I could also become at the last minute a dark and evil witch of blood lust and pure chaos and use my sharp boots to run you through and make your body resemble a bowl of chunky tomato soup. Plus, you can't rip off three things in one sitting. That's just tacky."

"That makes complete sense!!" said Serenity.

"Serenity, don't ever let those platforms out of your sight. They contain powers beyond mortal understanding. The fate of this entire plan of existence is in your hands, and a lot of lives are depending upon your actions…but no pressure."

"Thanks?" Serenity asked.

"Alright then!" said Mai. "Goodbye Serenity!! I'm off to get a front row seat of the horrors that a twisted and devious authoress is about to put you through!! Bye-eye!!"

With that, Mai stuck her hand out in the air, and a taxi driver came down to pick her up. He rolled down the window.

"One fifty up front," he said.

"ONE FIFTY???" Mai yelled, pointing her magic finger at him. "CON ARTIST!!!!!"

With that, the taxi driver turned into a frog, and Mai threw him out the window. Then, she jumped in the front seat, started the car, and popped a wheelie at 120 mph, a police motorcycle hot on her tail.

"Uh…" Serenity said. "Well…I'll just be going then."

"Nonsense!!" said Yugi. "As you go, we must annoyingly chant 'follow the yellow brick road' as you leave!! It's an official rule."

"An official rule?" Serenity echoed.

"Yep!" said Yugi. "I warped the Legislative branch of our local government!! I can do that, being an iron fisted dictator and all. Wanna hear the law I made about eating strawberry pudding on Wednesday?"

"AAAHHHH!!!!!" Serenity screamed, running out, not being able to take the annoying oppressive dictator any longer.

"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK-"

Serenity was running as fast as she could down the yellow brick road. Suddenly, she tripped on her huge platforms and fell flat on her face. She needed to get up. The munchkins were gaining fast. She franticly scrambled up to her feet and ran screaming out of Munchkin Land, never to return again.

"Oh!" Yugi said. "I just thought up a new stupid law!! From now on, every person who falls from the sky wearing platform shoes must dance on a podium made of cheese!! Someone write that down!!"

---ooo---

And that was chapter two of our twisted tale! Wow, this one's even longer!!

Okay, I have a lot to rant about, so let's get started.

For the record, I was just surfing today, and I found out that someone else is doing another Yu-Gi-Oh/Wizard of Oz spin off. I am really, really, really sorry, and if you think I ripped you of, I am sorry a thousand times again. I suggest you read the other authors version of it. It's called The Spaz of Oz or something like that. Again, I am totally sorry, but I didn't rip you off. Really. I thought this up myself, and I didn't realize the idea was taken.

Okay, in case any of you are wondering about the 'RD to the Hizay' rap earlier, RD stands for red dog. You see, our family dog is red, not to mention kind of stupid, and one day when me and my mother were taking a walk, I started that really dumb rap just for the fun of it. When your dog is like mine, weird things pop into your head…

On another note, in our next few chapters, many characters in Yu-Gi-Oh are going to be seen in an out of character, and somewhat unflattering light. Some of the following may be considered a little, how should I put this, wrong and insulting to fans and such, but many of the characters I am going to portray I am a fangirl of, so no angry letters about either, please?

Also, I do not own the Barenaked Ladies, Time Warner Digital Cable, The Snow Queen, or Target.

Before I continue, I have one favor to ask all of you.

As you all know (unless your heads are encased in a block of cement) there has recently been a very bad, I mean really, really bad, I mean 150,000 people dead and climbing hourly, tsunami in many parts of Asia. It has wasted many countries such as the coast of India, Indonesia, and even the country of which I based my pen name on, Sri Lanka.

So, I have decided to start up a relief effort on FFN. If you want to join my hideous idea, here is what you must do!

Donate five dollars (just **_five dollars_** people! I certainly am!) to any of the 

Actually, this one is optional, but it's really important! Spread the word! Start something similar in you school!! Ask your parents to donate five dollars too! Force your kid brother into a chokehold and threaten him that you'll hurl him from your third floor story window (or roof if your house isn't that large) unless he coughs up a five!! Believe me, it works. Spread the word all over FFN!!

Look, I know five dollars isn't much, but there are 10655 authors in the Yu-Gi-Oh section of this site alone. If we all donated five smackers, that's more than fifty thousand dollars going to help. I also read that five dollars buys an emergency medical kit that can help a person for up to three mounths!! So more than ten thousand people could be saved!!!

I'm not saying you have to, I'm not forcing you, but I think this could really help a ton of people. I'm sorry if you are bored out of your skull by the previous.

Now, a horrible look into our next chapter! WHILE I CACKLE MANAIACLY!!!

---ooo---

"Now, we must make our sacrificial offering to the great Blue Man, so he will keep our crops safe from famine and drought," said the weirdo. First, we must offer a $1.00 off coupon for Lucky Charms, to signify that the Blue Man keeps us alive with charity, sacridnicity, and marshmallow bits!!"

"Yes sir," said one of the clan people in a blue robe, offering the Lucky Charms coupon on the alter.

"Next," said the chief, "We must offer the sacrificial used tissue, to signify we are nothing but snot in the great big nostril called life, which the Blue Man has charitably given us!!"

"Yes sir," said another member, placing the tissue gently on the alter, then walking backward back to his spot in the circle.

"Last but not least," said the loon. "We must offer one blonde idiot to the Blue man, to signify…well, I'm working on that one."

"Oh snap!!" said a member. "Where are we going to find a blonde idiot? Everyone knows they're out of season!!"

"Hey everybody!!" said a blonde idiot. "My name's Joey Wheeler! Wanna see my really cool pimple??"

"The Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…" the cult members said, walking towards Joey Wheeler.

---ooo---

Confused? So am I!!

Anyway, R and R me please, or else, NO NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU!!!!


	3. If I Only Had The Knowlege of Inteligent...

And still you return. Haven't you learned your lesson?

It's the way I changed the story summery huh?

No time for that. I got a fresh batch of reviews!

NKitty: Thanks again! Yes Joey's here, to fight through my sick, demented fantasies. This will not be pretty. However, I can't thank you enough for my reviews, no matter how hard I try.

Mufurey: Definatly the same for you. And quarters work! Quarters are good!

Well, blowing up characters isn't exactly in my sphere. However, making them suffer HORRIBLE FATES is very much in my sphere, so I'll see what I can do.

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler: Thank you SOOOOOOO much!! Half of your Christmas money? Wow, talk about generous!! You are truly cut above the rest!! Yeah, my school's really in high gear about it to.

I'm glad you laughed your head off too!! Nothing makes me happier!

As for the GBAs, I know how you feel. Last year my garden variety GBA nearly met an untimely end when my dog got a hold of it when she was teething. Luckily I came downstairs just in time. Oh well, one man's trash is another man's little brothers Christmas present (and it was pink…giggle). Oh well, I bought him a really nice birthday present to make up for it.

Okay, just in case any of you are wondering (which I'm sure you're not, I mean, come on), from now on, I will be updating chapters every Friday, because we're all winding down for the week and getting out of week long shell-shock. So, here's my way of making it a little better…just a little…

Oh Well. Onto the craziness!!!

**CHAPTER THREE  
**If I Only Had the Knowledge of Intelligent Smartness

"Stupid yellow brick road," said Serenity angrily, once again getting up from falling flat on her face when she hit a crack on her six-inch platform straps. "What stupid powers do these things have anyway? The power to kill their owners? They just aren't worth it…"

Then, Serenity looked down the yellow brick road, and to her great dissatisfaction, there was a fork in the road. Behind that fork was a great cornfield, filled with…corn. Not to mention a bunch of crows that were having the time of their lives.

"Oh snap!" Serenity said, walking up to the fork. "Now what Miss Fuzzy-Kins? What are we going to do? Which way's Oz?"

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed a voice, with an odd, New York accent above her.

"YEEK!!" she cried in shock. "What? What's going on?"

"Who are you!? Who said that?" screamed the voice again.

"Sorry, sorry, my name's Serenity," Serenity said looking up to see who the heck was screaming like a baby. Their, tied to a huge pole, raised a good ten feet in the air, was a brown eyed weirdo with blonde hair. He was looking in every direction to try to find where the voice that introduced itself as Serenity came from…except down.

"Who said that?" he said in frenzied yet stupid panic. "Are you a ghost? Are you invisible? Are you underground? ARE INVISIBLE GHOST UNDERGROUND TALKING TO ME???? AHHHH!!!!!!!!! NO!! I DON"T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I HEAR DEAD-"

"Hey!!" Serenity yelled. "I'm down here!!"

The blonde weirdo finally looked down.

"Oh, uh, hi," he said. "Have you seen any invisible, underground ghosts? One's talkin' to me!!!!!!!!"

"That was me!" Serenity said. "I'm Serenity. Who are you and what are you doing up there?"

"Uhh…I don't know!" the idiot said.

"You don't know what your name or you don't know what your doing up there?" Serenity asked.

"I dunno anythin'!!" said the idiot. "Ya see, I'm Joey, and I've got no brain."

"So you do know who you are!" Serenity said.

"I do?" Joey asked.

"Yes!" Serenity replied.

"Oh, uh, okay," Joey said.

"So how did you get up there?" asked Serenity.

"I have no clue!" Joey said. "Hey! Do you want to know how I got up here?"

"That's what I just…" Serenity said, here voice trailing off. "I mean, yes, yes I would. Could you please tell me?"

"YAY!!!" Joey said. "Okay, it all happened a long time ago! Years and years and years and-"

---ooo---

**THREE DAYS AGO!! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!!!!!!**

It was a quiet, yet steadily raining day in the corn field. The corn in the field had just gotten ripe with the fruit that Mother Nature had graciously provided. It was the seventh day after the seventh month, and seven days after the great harvest moon. Now, it being that day, which they had long awaited for a year now, the great clan of the followers of The Blue Man gather, the clan came to the land where there sacrificial offering to The Blue Man.

The followers were all farmers who wanted their crops to be protected from the crow menace, and they turned to the great Blue Man for help. The Blue Man was a deity of a local cult of which had been alive and well for the past three weeks. All the clansmen were clad in robes of blue, and all were chanting, "I do not fear the rain, for The Blue Man is with me, and the water will not touch me. I do not fear the rain, for The Blue Man is with me, and the water will not touch me…"

The men continued to chant as they came to the great, big, twenty foot pole which shot out of the ground. This was the alter to The Blue Man. The apparent leader of the group held up his hand, bidding the others to stop. They did.

"All hail The Blue Man!!" said the leader of the tribe in a dead, dry voice.

"All hail The Blue Man," the others murmured, all bowing their heads

"Brethren of The Blue Man," said the leader. "We gather here today to celebrate The Blue Man's mighty reign, and we beg him to protect our corn from the black scourges of the sky."

"All hail The Blue Man, we obey, we obey," chanted the other idiots.

"Now, we must make our sacrificial offering to the great Blue Man, so he will keep our crops safe from famine and drought and crows," said the weirdo. First, we must offer a $1.00 off coupon for Lucky Charms, to signify that the Blue Man keeps us alive with charity, sacridnicity, and marshmallow bits!!"

"Yes sir," said one of the clan people in a blue robe, offering the Lucky Charms coupon on the alter.

"Next," said the chief, "We must offer the sacrificial used tissue, to signify we are nothing but snot in the great big nostril called life, which the Blue Man has charitably given us!!"

"Yes sir," said another member, placing the tissue gently on the alter, then walking backward back to his spot in the circle.

"Last but not least," said the loon. "We must offer one blonde idiot to the Blue man, to signify…well, I'm working on that one."

"Oh snap!!" said a member. "Where are we going to find a blonde idiot? Everyone knows they're out of season!!"

"Yeah," said another. "They'll be totally sold out at Target!"

"Whatever shall we do?" said another.

"Hey everybody!!" said a blonde idiot. "My name's Joey Wheeler! Wanna see my really cool pimple??"

"The Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…" the cult members said, walking towards Joey Wheeler.

"Oh boy!!" said Joey. "I love slumber parties!"

---ooo---

**THREE HOURS LATTER**

"Alright Joey," said the cult priest, talking to Joey, who was tied up on the pole ten feet in the air with extremely tight rope. "Are you as uncomfortable as humanly possible?"

"Actually, it could be a little less comfortable around my legs," said Joey stupidly.

"Oh. My bad," said a cult member, bounding his legs tighter to the pole. "Now how is it?"

"Yay! I'm in pain!!" said Joey.

"All three sacrificial offerings have been made!!" said the Priest. "Blue Man! We offer these to you! Please accept our gifts, and protect our crops from all your stormy rage!!"

"Popcorn!!" Joey added.

All the rest of the group did a bizarre little cry of…whatever. Afterwards, they just got up and left.

"Hey!!" said Joey, watching as the robed freaks walked away. "Doesn't any of youz want to kill me for da Blue Man?"

"No," said a member not even turning back.

"Aw come on!!" Joey said. "You know you want to!!!!"

"Foolish idiot," said another member. "The Blue Man doesn't want dead sacrifices! You are in The Blue Man's hands now."

"Can I at least have a giant donut?" Joey asked, but it fell on deaf ears. All of the tribesmen left, leaving idiot boy all by his lonesome.

---ooo---

"…and that's why I still burst inta tears when someone mentions giant donuts," said Joey. "So 'owabout you Serenity? Whacha doin' out here in this lovely cornfield?"

"More than you apparently," said Serenity, watching the crows having a blast eating the corn. In the recent surge of corn surplus, the crows had made a small restaurant, and crow waiters served all kinds of corn based products to eager coinsures.

"I'm trying to make it to the Wizard of Cuz," Serenity said. "You see, I accidentally killed this kinda-okay witch, and then a nice witch gave me these platform shoes that are supposed to have great power. However, there's a much meaner witch who want them too, and his name is Pegasus."

"PEGASUS?!!?" Joey screamed in rage. "PEGASUS IS INVOLVED IN THIS?!?!?!?!?!?"

"You know him?" Serenity asked.

"No!!" Joey said. "But it begins wit a P and ends with and S and has an 'egasu' in the middle!! He's gotta be stopped!!"

"Em…right," Serenity said.

"Alright then!" said Joey. "Cut me down!! I haven't eaten, drank, slept, bathed, or even gone to the bathroom in the last three days!!"

"Ew," Serenity said. "What am I going to use to cut you down?"

_Use the force Serenity. Use the force, use the force, use the force. USE THE FORCE!!!! _

"Use the force…use the force…use-"

"STOP IT JOEY!!!" Serenity said. "That's kind of annoying."

"Sorry," Joey said.

"Well…desperate times call for desperate measures," said Serenity, walking up to the ropes. With that, using nothing but her own teeth and nails, she hacked and tore through those terrible ropes. She fought and fought and fought them, like a wild animal escaping from the hunter's kill. Finally, it snapped, and Joey fell like a stone to the ground, screaming like a girl in the process.

"JOEY!!" Serenity said, helping the poor kid up. "Oh Joey, are you alright??"

"Seven-thirty, why?" Joey said, getting up. "Woops!!! I've got a loose thread. Oh well, I'll just use my lucky pair 'o scissors that are in my back pocket that I can easily pull out to cut myself free if I got tied up to a huge wooden pole to be sacrificed!"

With that, Joey pulled out the scissors and cut off the loose thread on his shirt.

"You could cut yourself down all along?" Serenity asked.

"Huh?" Joey replied.

"That wasn't the smartest thing to do!" Serenity said.

"Yes," Joey replied. Then, he turned to see that Serenity walked down the road, picking one end of the fork in the road, deciding that it was the right one.

"Wait! No!!" Joey said, hurrying to catch up to Serenity. "Please don't go! I wanna come too!"

"I'm sorry Joey," Serenity said. "It's dangerous out there! I have to defeat Pegasus and his flying fuzzy bunny hoard. I don't want you to risk losing your life twice!"

"Oh please Serenity!" Joey said, throwing himself on his knees and begging. "I don't wanna be alone! I wanna be with a friend, and travel all over the place! You see, I'm onna quest!!"

"What kind of quest?" Serenity asked.

"You see, I ain't good at nuthin'!!" Joey said. "All my other friend say Imma loser! But not anymore! I'm onna quest for the Knolege of Intelligent Smartness!! That way, I can defeat whatever comes mah way, and become the smartest person on the planet! I'm going to get the most brainiest brains in the world!!"

"Oh Joey," said Serenity. "Well, I've got an idea! Why don't you come with me to the Wizard of Cuz? He's smart! I bet he can get you a brain!!"

"Really?" said Joey. "I'm not gonna be dumb anymore? I'm gonna get smaterer?"

"Well, you certainly can't get less," Serenity said. "What have you got to lose?"

"Yeah!!!" Joey said. "Besides, I can protect you from all the lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!!!"

When he said "oh my", Joey leapt twenty feet in the air, then landed on his feet again. Serenity promptly burst out laughing.

"That…was so…funny!" Serenity said. "I guess you'd be a great travel companion either way. Come on Joey! Let's go off to see the wonderful Wizard of Cuz!"

"YEAH!!!!" Joey said, but he said it so loudly, that Serenity fell over on her ruby platform straps right on her face.

"Joey," she asked, pushing herself of the yellow brick road, "Could you please help me up and stop me from falling over?"

"Sure!" Joey said, holding her arm and helping her up. With that, he and her linked arms, and went off down the fork in the road, both wondering what weirdness was to come. Well, Serenity was, Joey was thinking about whether or not he took a shower this week.

---ooo---

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. The next one will be of normal length and normally crazy somewhat entertainment.

Anyway, perhaps you don't care, but I got my idea for the whole 'Blue Man' tribe from one time when me and my family went off to Canada. One of the attractions there was called the 'Maid of the Mist' boat tour, which takes you really close to Niagara Falls, where you then get drenched in, well, mist.

Anyway, to try to protect our clothes from the massive drenchage we were about to receive, we were given these terrible blue, plastic bag like, throwaway raincoats that we got to keep as souvenirs.

"Man," I commented, putting mine on. "These look like cult outfits."

"They do, don't they?" my Dad said. "I am of the Blue Man, and he is with me, and I do not fear the water, for it shall not touch me…"

Yeah. Anyway, he also occasionally let out other such comments while we were on the tour, such as 'Hello brethren' to a boat of other people on tour passing us, and how he was so pleased to see 'so many fellowship to The Blue Man', and when he saw people on a different tour who were wearing yellow coats, he called them all 'misguided fools'.

I'm sure there are plenty of good people in Niagara who are still recovering from our visit in therapy.

Anyway, just for all of you, here's a look at what's coming up in our next chapter. VIEW IT IF YOU DARE!!!!!!!!

---ooo---

"Way to go Joey!" Serenity said angrily. "Thanks to your usual acts of BLIND STUPIDITY, we're going to be sacrificed to some stupid forest fairy."

"I'm Hungry!!" Joey said.

"YOU ATE TWENTY-NINE FORBIDEN APPLES AND YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY???" Serenity yelled.

"Yes," Joey said.

"Shut up!" said a tree monster, halting in front of a huge, dug out hole about thirty feet in diameter. It had hinges, and on those hinges was a huge, cage-like network of wooden framework, used to keep people in. The hole itself was twenty feet deep, and was guarded by three other tree monsters, each equipped with a deadly looking spear.

"Put them in with the other one!" said the tree monster who was holding Serenity. "Maybe if we're lucky, they'll fight!"

"'Other one'?" Serenity echoed, but before she could say another word, the two were thrown in, and the millisecond they did, the gate was thrown down and locked. They were trapped.

---ooo---

What horrors have our heroine and hero gotten themselves into? Knowing these two, God knows.

As for who's next on the insanity conga line…lets just say this story is still a LONG way from normal.

Oh well, you know the drill, R and R away!!


	4. If I Only Had a Hamburger The Food Kind,...

_Guess what? Shrilanka-San left the computer on again!_

_Oh, she thinks it's so funny huh? SHE THINKS SHE CAN JUST MAKE FUN OF ME ONLINE AND GET AWAY WITH IT????_

_I don't care if she gets me nice presents for my birthday!! She has to pay! PAY!!!!!_

_So I'm going to mess around with the people who actually like her writing (you should read her sketchbooks/diaries. They're totally boring!!). I wonder how many chain letters I can send before she gets back._

_Meant2Live: Awe come on! How come you just let her off like that!? Yeah yeah, it's true, she didn't rip you off, and I've got to tell you, when she screamed "OH MY GOD, THOSE PEOPLE THINK I RIPED THEM OFF!" I managed to tape it. Let's just say that there's going to be an extra special bonus on the announcements Monday…heh heh heh._

_And how come you like hers? I mean come on, SHE HASN'T WRITTEN TEA IN YET!!! TEA!!! WHY NOT YOU????? Plus corn fields in schools are so much cooler than cults, I mean come on!!_

_Good luck to Tea! And…what is that, a squirel?_

_Serenity-Yugioh-Fan05: So you like her writing too? You're fools, ALL OF YOU!! Though I am surprised, Shri really overdid it portraying Joey as an idiot._

_Mifurey: You really have it in for Joey haven't you? AND WHY WHY WHY IS THIS YOUR FAVORITE FIC?!?!? My sister's a monster! Her psycho work shouldn't be praised!!_

_Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler: And you are no better!! Honestly! What is wrong here? How come she's always the well loved one? And about the computer, come on girl just sneak on!! I did, and look where I am n-_

Folding chairs. I don't know who invented them, but thanks.

Now to drag my brother's unconscious body upstairs. Man, he really messed up this fic AGAIN!!! And to all the nice people who review me…

Nashida, remember those 'toys' you mentioned? And where's NKitty??

Alright, onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER FOUR**

If I Only Had a Hamburger (the Food Kind, Not the German Kind)

"I'm hungry!" Joey said as the two continued down the road.

"I know Joey," replied Serenity.

"I'm hungry!"

"I know Joey.

"I'm hungry!"

"I know Joey."

"I'm hungry!"

"FOR GOD SAKES JOEY, I'M NOT DEAF!! I KNOW YOU'RE HUNGRY!!!!!"

"I'm hun-"

SLAM!!

Joey's face hit into a giant sign sticking out of the middle of the road. The sign said 'Warning: Giant Signs Sticking Out of the Middle of the Road'.

"Thank you irony," Serenity said. Suddenly, she spied a sign behind the first one that Joey slammed into. She walked by Joey, and began to read the other sign that was written in bold, red letters that looked suspiciously like blood.

_**Weak Mortals!!**_

_**Do not dare to pick even a single forbidden apple from the forbidden trees of Empersec!! All foolish enough to do so shall suffer the terrible fate drawn from mighty Empersec itself!! YOU all shall suffer!! Suffer I say!! SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!**_

"Okay Joey," Serenity said. "It says here that whatever we do, we shouldn't eat the forbidden apples of Empersec. If we do, it says we shall suffer great pain o…"

But she trailed off. There, standing under the apple trees, face wet with sweet drippings of apple guts, Joey sat chewing one. A tell tale twenty-eight apple cores lay beside him.

"Sorry, didya say something?" he asked with his mouth full.

Before he could do anything else, an actual tree, its branches becoming two very deadly arms, grabbed Joey's arm, quickly twisting them behind his back. Joey still managed to retain a blissfully dumb smile on his face.

"JOEY!!" Serenity screamed, rushing to his aide. However, before she could do a single thing, another tree did the same thing to her, rendering them both helpless.

"SO!!" bellowed another tree, pulling up its roots and walking toward Serenity. "You dare eat the Forbidden Apples of Empersec, despite our clearly printed, thoughtful, and well organized sign sticking out of the middle of the road??"

Joey nodded stupidly.

"JOE-EY!!" Serenity said angrily.

"So he's the fool??" said the tree monster.

"No!" said Serenity. "Well, yeah actually, but don't hurt him! He's an idiot!! He doesn't know better!"

"Is that true, Joey the Idiot?" asked the tree monster.

"I love you too Mommy!!" Joey said.

The tree monsters anime fell.

"WHO CARES??" bellowed the lead tree monster. "You two are both going to be sacrificed to The Great Forest Fairy of Empersec for trespassing in our land, eating our forbidden fruit, and denying we put up a clearly printed, thoughtful, and well organized sign sticking out of the middle of the road."

"But we don't deny that you put up a clearly printed, thoughtful, and well organized sign sticking out of the middle of the road!" Serenity said.

"-and now for denying denying that we put up a clearly printed, thoughtful, oh, forget it," said the tree monster. "Take them to the dungeon!!"

"I love dungeons!!" Joey said, as he and Serenity were dragged off deep into the woods. The trees lead them farther and farther away from the yellow brick road, the only way that they could find there way to Oz. The deeper they went into the woods, the farther away they seemed to be from their brains and ticket home.

"Way to go Joey!" Serenity said angrily. "Thanks to your usual acts of BLIND STUPIDITY, we're going to be sacrificed to some stupid forest fairy."

"I'm Hungry!!" Joey said.

"YOU ATE TWENTY-NINE FORBIDEN APPLES AND YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY???" Serenity yelled.

"Yes," Joey said.

"Shut up!" said a tree monster, halting in front of a huge, dug out hole about thirty feet in diameter. It had hinges, and on those hinges was a huge, cage-like network of wooden framework, used to keep people in. The hole itself was twenty feet deep, and was guarded by three other tree monsters, each equipped with a deadly looking spear.

"Put them in with the other one!" said the tree monster who was holding Serenity. "Maybe if we're lucky, they'll fight!"

"'Other one'?" Serenity echoed, but before she could say another word, the two were thrown in, and the millisecond they did, the gate was thrown down and locked. They were trapped.

Serenity landed next to the wall of the dark pit, just barely lit from above. Joey…well, he didn't land as gracefully.

"Yay! That hurt!!" he said. "Thanks for breaking my fall Serenity!"

"I'm over here, you simp!" Serenity said, still with her back to the wall.

"Get the hell off me you loser!!!" screamed whatever Joey landed on, shoving him to the other wall with one sharp kick, which sent Joey landing head to the ground, back to the other end of the wall.

"Cool!" he cried. "It's the tooth fairy!"

"You're going to need one if you ever touch me again mutt," said the other prisoner. He was tall, brown haired, and was pretty darn skinny. He slunk to the other end of the cell as far away from the other end of the prison, as far away from the other two as he could possibly go. He put his back to the wall, eyes fixed on the others, not saying a word.

"Uh…" Serenity asked. "Who are you?"

"None of your business, girl," he muttered darkly. "However, since were all about to die, and if you and your dog really need to know, I'm Seto Kaiba, and I have no heart."

"Awesome!!" Joey said. "I'm Joey, and I gots no brain!"

"I bet," Seto growled.

"Happy little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" said Serenity.

"Hey tooth fairy," said Joey, "if you don't gots no heart, than wouldn't you be dead?"

"If you don't have a brain, wouldn't you have absolutely no control over your central nervous system, making it impossible for you to move, much less talk?" Seto retorted. "Of course, under the circumstances, that would be a blessing in disguise."

"Okay then," Serenity said.

"Wow, the tooth fairy sure is mad…and smart…" Joey said.

"We need to find a way out of here!" said Serenity. "We'll never get to Oz now! Now how are we going to stop Pegasus?"

When he heard 'Pegasus', Seto looked slightly intrigued, but he didn't say a word.

"I'm still hungry," Joey said.

"That's what got us in here in the first place!!" Serenity yelled.

"You two are pathetic," Seto observed.

"Big help you are!" Serenity said. "You're stuck here too, aren't you?"

"How did you get here tooth fairy?" Joey asked.

"Would telling you make you shut up?" Seto asked.

---ooo---

**YESTERDAY! WoOoOoOoOoO!!!  
**

_**Weak Mortals!!**_

_**Do not dare to pick even a single forbidden apple from the forbidden trees of Empersec!! All foolish enough to do so shall suffer the terrible fate drawn from mighty Empersec itself!! YOU all shall suffer!! Suffer I say!! SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!**_

"What a load of garbage," Seto said, picking up an apple and biting into it.

"YAAAARGH!!!!" a tree monster screamed a hoard of others at its back, armed with various spears. "HOW DARE YOU EAT THE FORBIDDEN APPLES OF EMPERSEC??? WE PUT UP A SIGN FOR CRYING!!"

"Tell me again and see if I care," said Seto, taking a bite out of the apple.

"You fool!" said the tree monster, and suddenly, Seto was surrounded by huge spears all aimed at his vital organs.

"Don't you dare make a move villain!" said the trees. "These spears are as sharp as cut diamonds!"

"Still don't care," Seto said, chewing the apple.

"Not to mention we're going to put you in a dark pit with minimal room for free movement!" said the tree monster.

"Huh. I actually cared for a second…now it has past," said Seto, still coolly eating the apple.

"Not to mention that by sunset tomorrow night, were going to sacrifice you in a violent and grosstic manor," said the tree monster.

"Okay," Seto said, tossing away the apple core. "I have an issue or two with that…"

---ooo---

"You had full consciousness that you were getting yourself into trouble, and you're calling us pathetic?" Serenity said. "Not even Joey's that stupid!!"

However, at that moment, Joey was listening to a bird chirping on top of the cage ceiling.

"No way!!" he said, and the bird started chirping again. "Your husband's been out with a canary down the road from your nest? Oh…that is so shameful!!"

"Joey, what are you doing?" Serenity asked.

"Talking to Susie Sparrow," Joey said. "Hey, did you know every bird's last name is what that bird is? And if the bird has two words in its name, they just use the last word! Like robin's last name's are 'Robin', and Blue Jayes are called 'Jay'! And yellow bellied sapsuckers last name's are…"

"You can talk to birds?" Serenity asked.

"Yup!" Joey said. "I am well versed among all creatures that posses wing and feathers."

"Curious…" Seto said. "That sounded almost intelligent."

"Who's intelligent?" Joey asked.

"Joey quick!" said Serenity. "Ask the bird to send help!"

"Aw, come on!!" Joey said. "He's filling me in on all the episodes of ER I missed when I was going on my mighty quest!!"

"JUST DO IT YOU IDIOT!!!" Seto snarled.

"Please Joey!" said Serenity. "We need you!"

"Aw man," Joey said. "No episode summaries…but Serenity and the tooth fairy are counting on me!!"

With that, Joey twittered and whistled to the little bird, and the bird chirped back. With that, the bird quickly flew off.

"BYE!!!" Joey yelled to it.

"I don't think that worked," Seto said bluntly.

"Me neither," Serenity said. "Looks like we're going to need extra help…from Ms. Fuzzy-Kins."

"Who's Ms. Fuzzy-Kins?" Seto asked.

Serenity picked up her cuddly plush toy. She then sat her on her lap, and began whispering avidly in her ear.

"Oh great," Seto growled to himself. "I'm stuck between the bird man of Alcatraz and the plush whisperer."

"Okay then Missy," Serenity said to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, "do you know what to do?"

She then hugged the plushy, and heard a small squeak.

"GO MISS FUZZY-KINS!!" yelled Serenity, throwing the plush out of the prison pit. "GO AND SAVE OUR SORRY HIDES!!!"

The plush toy soared out of the prison, and into the untamed freedom of the outside world.

"We're doomed," Seto observed.

---ooo---

Thus, the sun was beginning to set in the west, and the final hour of our heroes has come. The three sat, hearing the sacrificial preparations underway above them. Having only a few moments left to live, Joey asked a question that had been burning at the back of his feeble little mind all day.

"Hey tooth fairy," he asked. "If you're a guy, how come you're wearing a dress?"

"It's not a dress mutt," Seto snarled. "It's a trenchcoat!"

"I dunno," Joey said. "It looks dressish…"

"Joey," Serenity said, "I barely knew you for nine hours, but…you're a great friend. You're blindly stupid, but at least you're loyal…"

"Thanks Serenity!" Joey said.

Seto just snorted at the stupidity of this moment.

"Alright, you wrenched captives," said a tree monster into the pit. "You are to be sacrificed in ten minutes. If you know any prayers, I suggest you say them."

"What's a minute?" Joey asked as the tree monster walked away. The second he did, Susie Sparrow came back, perching on top of the cage roof of the prison.

"Yay!!" Joey cried. "Susie!! You came back!!"

"Joey, you did it!" Serenity said.

"I can't believe it mutt," Seto said, the closest thing to gratitude.

"Did you get it Susie?" Joey asked the bird, and she twittered happily. Everyone held there breathe. They were at the threshold of freedom. The bird had done it! Slowly, ever so slowly-

-the bird pulled out a hamburger.

"YEAH!!!!" Joey yelled, devouring it in one bite.

"Joey…" Serenity said, suppressing pure rage.

"YOU ASKED THE BIRD FOR A FLIPPING, STUPID HAMBURGER?!?!?!?!?!?" Seto screamed.

"I was hungry!" Joey said.

"Alright," said the tree monster, opening the cage. "It's time to be sacrificed."

With that, each pathetic prisoner was pulled out of the pit. Before they could do a thing about it, they were bound up with ropes the second they were pulled out to prevent them from getting away. At spear point they were marched to the area that would mean their deaths to some bogus deity.

The sacrificial area itself was a huge ring of green rocks, arranged in a huge ring about twenty feet in diameter. In the center of it was a huge, roaring fire, coursing with colors formed from powders being flung into it by a witch doctor like tree monster. She was bedecked in beads and other green rocks, one of her eyes missing, replaced by an eye patch made of bark. The other eye twitched uncontrollably inside her socket, looking like it was going to pop out at any second.

"Well," she said, in a horrible, grating voice. "These are the offerings to the Great Forest Fairy of Empersec, eh? Yersssssssss, they will be perfect. Tell me, is the blond one…stupid?"

Seto nodded quickly.

"SETO!!!" Serenity yelled.

"Yes," said the old tree woman. "An idiot. The Forest Fairy loves the idiots. Now, the ceremony will begin. CAUXTOUS, MAUMAS, ESPURSTATIAS!!!"

"CAUAXTOUS, MAUMAS, ESPUESTATIAS!!!" the other tree monsters cried, waving their great spears about threateningly.

"LABBA BLABBA SOMTIN WHATA WHATTA!!" screamed Joey happily.

"Now, place the idiots in the circle of truth!!" said the old tree woman. With that, once again at spear point, the three were placed in a circle (well, since there was only three of them, it was more of a triangle, but who cares?). In the center of them was placed and empty soda bottle.

"I love spin the bottle!!" Joey cried.

"Now then, we must spin the bottle of truth in the wheel of truth!" said the old tree woman. "Then, the great spirit of soda bottles past will enter its holy vessel, and it shall choose the first to go!!"

"OH! OH!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!" Joey screamed.

"You moron!!" Serenity screamed. "You don't want to be picked, because when you're picked, you die!!"

"Mmm…pie…" Joey said.

"Never mind mutt," Seto said. "Just keep begging to be picked.

With a horrible, crooked, knarled hand, the tree monster grabbed the bottle and spun it on the ground. It spun close to each person in its horrible circle. First to Serenity, then Seto, then Joey, then Serenity, then Seto, then Joey, then Serenity, Seto, Joey, Serenity, Seto, Joey, Serenity, Seto, Joey, Serenity, Seto, Joey,_ Serenity, Seto, Joey, Serenity, Seto, _I CAN"T STAND THE SUSPENCE!!

Then it slowed. Slowly, slowly, slowly, and finally, it pointed itself to the first victim of a soon to be bloody sacrificial ceremony…Joey.

"YAY!!!" Joey cried.

"Oh no!!" Serenity said.

"Alright Joey," the old tree woman said. "You may think your dead, but as part of our ritual sacrifice, we offer you one last chance to live. If you survive this task, you will be able to roam free and untamed. However, if you get this wrong, your death will be slow and painful. Understand?"

"CHOCOLATE IS FUN!!" Joey yelled.

The old tree woman snapped her fingers. With that, two tree monsters ran up to her, each with a hinged topped box in their hands. They bowed down on one knee, raised the box over their heads, offering both to the old tree woman. She took them in woody claws, holding each out to Joey.

"Alright Joey," She said. "Here is your task. These are the Mystic Chests of Empersec. One of these contains a knife, which you can use to instantly snap the ropes that bind you and live a free and happy life. However, the other chest contains a horrible, poisonous adder, which will instantly bite you, ending your life with a lengthy and painful death. Do you understand Joey?"

"No!" Joey said happily.

"Good," said the tree woman. "This riddle has puzzled the wisest trees in our forest, so you must truly posses the wisdom of a thousand millennia to solve it. Which of these chests shall you choose? Will it be this lovely one with a bunny carved on it, or will you choose the gold and silver chest that contains the deadly adder?"

"Oooohhh….shiny…" said Joey, reaching for the gold chest.

_Oh no! _Serenity thought. _Joey's going to choose the box with the deadly snake in it! He's too young to die!_

_Boy, he is stupid, _Seto thought. _I feel sorry for the poor souls who are his parents._

Truly, it seemed as if Joey's story was going to come to a tragic end! His hand was reaching ever closer to the chest that would spell his doom (probably incorrectly to). However-

"HALT!!!" screamed a voice, and the fire at the center of the sacrificial area was suddenly towering over the heads of all the tree monsters. All the tree monsters got down on their knees, including the old tree woman, and began bowing profusely toward it.

When the fire finally died down, there was a mystical figure hovering over it. She wore a gown of green rush, fluttering with great, translucent, rainbow wings which caught every light from the fire, sparkling and glittering. Her angry, green eyes shot a look of scorn and anger-

-and it would be much more threatening if she wasn't only four inches tall.

However, that didn't stop the tree monsters. They bowed over and over again, begging for mercy from their local deity.

"Ice cream?" Joey asked, looking around in confusion.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SACRIFICING PEOPLE?!?!!?" yelled the fairy. "I told you a zillion times! If you want to make offerings to me, I wanted check or money orders! Don't you people pay attention?"

"We're sorry!" was the chorus of a thousand tree monsters, each one begging for her forgiveness.

"One more slip up like that, and I cut your cable privileges!" yelled the fairy. She fluttered over to Serenity, who was in complete shock of the randomness of this story.

"Are you Serenity?" asked the fairy.

"Yes…why?" Serenity asked.

"Oh thank goodness," the fairy said, pulling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins from behind her back. "Your little friend has been terribly worried about you! She came to me about the whole sacrificing thing. I'm sorry about all this, but I'm glad to see you're all right!"

Then she turned to Joey.

"I'm a little worried about you though," she said, giving him a concerned look. "How long have you had this…brainless problem?"

"My tonge tastes like wood," Joey whispered to her.

"Oh…Kay…" she said. "Somebody cut them free. These people are creeping me out."

"Allow me!!" said Joey, taking out his lucky pair of scissors. He quickly cut the ropes that bound him up, and they slid off easily.

"HE COULD HAVE CUT HIMSELF FREE ALL ALONG?!?!?!?!?!" Seto screamed.

"Huh?" Joey asked.

With that, the fairy waved her hand, and with a small pop (plus a few sparkles for effect), Serenity and Seto were free. Serenity went over and hugged Ms. Fuzzy-Kins happily, while Joey started to suck his thumb.

"Good luck on your quest!" the fairy said, as the two picked themselves up and walked off. "Watch out for the flying, fuzzy bunnies!!"

The only person who didn't leave was Seto, who was tossing an apple up and down in the air.

"Excuse me," the fairy said to him. "You're the tooth fairy, correct?"

"No," he said darkly. "I'm Seto Kaiba."

Mmm, that's not good," said the tooth fairy. "The little plushie only mentioned Serenity, Joey the Idiot, and a tooth fairy. So really, I guess the tree monsters can do whatever they'd like with you."

All the tree monsters smiled evilly, drawing their spears.

Seto then decided to take his leave (IOW he ran out of the forest as fast as he could back to the yellow brick road).

---ooo---

Remember the good old days when you could look out over a creek to watch the water flow and no one would think you're contemplating suicide?

Don't worry, I don't plan to do that or anything, I just thought it up on the way home from school and thought it was kind of funny.

Oh man, it's a good thing I wrote a few chapters of this book before I started publishing it. It turns out if you want to lose all the extra weight from Christmas cookies fast, get a cold. If the decreased appetite doesn't work, lugging home all the extra school work to make up will.

Well, that's all for chapter four. We've got three adventurers down, one to go. Can't believe Seto's actually here…oh well, he's a great character to write about. Just as I think Joey shares my blind optimism, Seto shares my sick and distorted sense of humor. It's an oxymoron I know, but as you know, I'm a weirdo. Serenity shares…practically everything with me I guess. Except the footwear. My parents would never let me wear six inch platform straps. I'm way too clumsy with my normal, average, everyday shoes.

Well, that was a fun rant!

All right…a premiere of the next chapter! Take it!

---ooo---

"Look," Serenity said, giving Seto a very stern 'listen up' look, "I know this is hard for you, but you need to care about this! We can all be in huge trouble!"

"So we lost the stupid mutt," Seto shrugged. "Let the SPCA pick him up!"

"Seto," Serenity said, "can you honestly say you feel safe with the fact in your mind that Joey could have the Ax of Insanity right now?"

"What could a common idiot like him possibly do that can put us in that much trouble?" Seto asked

_Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects _

The entire world was consumed in complete and utter chaos. Innocent civilians screamed and ran away from the terrifying beast that was completely destroying their peaceful town.

"WE'RE DOOMED!!" screamed a man, running in terror.

"HE DESTROYED MY HOUSE!!" screamed a woman, hiding in a grove of bushes, hoping the terrible beast won't see her.

"HE ATE MY UNDERWARE MAN!!!!" screamed another guy, hiding in a different bush for obvious reasons.

Suddenly, IT came. IT bellowed and roared, causing all to run and pray for mercy in ITs wake.

"MOO!!!" screamed Joey, jumping dramatically into the chaotic scene. Just for effect, he used his huge, double bladed ax to slice and innocent ice cream cart in half, making the streets run blue, purple, brown, and pink with artificially flavored dairy product carnage.

"MOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Joey bellowed.

His cheeks (facial ones) will forever be remembered stained with milky sugar.

_Back to Reality Effects _

"Okay," Seto said. "I guess I see where you're coming from."

---ooo---

What twisted horrors await our heroes now? What is the Ax of Insanity? WHY DID EVANESENCE START SWEARING ON THEIR CDS?????? HAS EVERYTHING GONE WRONG????????

Well…I dunno. Just tune in for the next chapter, assuming I get a new R and R!


	5. If I Only Had The Ax of Insanity

_Serenity:_ Ha ha!! Guess who left the computer on again?

_Joey:_ Oh!! Oh!!! This question was on Jeopardy last night!! GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!

_Seto_: NO!!! Shrilanka-San, you idiot!!

_Joey:_ Seven!!!

_Serenity:_ Anyway…since this story has gotten crazier by the second, and no one asks for what we think anyway, we took the liberty of bounding an gaggingShrilanka-San so _we_ can answer all the nice reviews!! (She points to a chair where Shrilanka-San is bound and gagged, screaming through it for help)

_Seto:_ Not that I care.

_Serenity:_ I can't believe we got six!!! (Hugs Ms. Fuzzy-Kins) Here's to you guys!!

Meant2Live

_Serenity: _Thank you Mena, Toli, and Jesselda!! (Waves Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's paw)

_Seto:_ We saw your update and, because of course, I'm introduced, it was completely and utterly amazing.

_Joey: _But I didn't get run over!! WAAAAHHHH!!!

_Seto:_ You're a loser Mutt. And the song? Pure genius.

_Serenity:_ As for your question on how evil trees can be scared of a four inch tall fairy-

_Seto:_-oh, come on!!! Joey's brain is the size of an electron, and I'm more scared of that fact every day!!

_Serenity: _I was going to say because it was just for all intensive and stupid purposes…but I like your reason better.

_Joey:_ Can I have a dog Mommy?

Mifurey

_Seto: _See? I'm the most awesome character in this Anime!!

(Every other character on Yu-Gi-Oh suddenly appears, all with pitchforks and torches)

_Seto:_ Uh…hey guys…(gives up any chance of reasoning and runs around screaming through Shrilanka-San's house being chased by everyone else)

_Serenity:_ Aw, come on Seto! You're going to mess up the house!! (yelling over all the commotion) We're really glad you like this story, and we assure you, things aren't going to get any easier for Joey, me, Seto, and any other character to come!!

_Joey:_ Yay!! I'm going to die!!

_Serenity: _Joey!! You don't die in this fic!!

_Joey:_ Why not?? Come on, please?? PLEASE?????

Nkitty

_Serenity:_ Yay!!! You're back!! Brother problems? Small world!!

(Seto is caught by the mob)

_Seto:_ NOOOOO!!!!!!

_Joey: _Hi tooth fairy!!!

_Serenity: _(sweat drops) I can't believe he's here too…

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

_Serenity: _Are you kidding? I would love to be Sandie!! What part would Ms. Fuzzy-Kins play?

_Seto:_ (beaten up) I'd hate to be Danny…though I would change my mind if I got to see the Mutt as a Pink Lady.

_Joey_: What a coincidence!!! My underwear's pink!!!

(Serenity and Seto both sweat drop)

_Serenity:_ Joey, girls love men of mystery…don't share…

_Joey:_ Why doesn't she do Pirates of the Caribbean and make my Orlando Bloom?

_Seto: _Why doesn't she do Gone with the Wind and make you a smallpox infested half dead corpse?

_Joey:_ Yay!!!

_Serenity_: We have a very special part for Tea, but that's latter.

_Seto:_ (flipping through a copy of The Wizard of Oz) The Tin Man doesn't fall in love in this story, right?

Serenity-Yu-Gi-Oh-fan-05

_Joey_: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! PANTS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!

_Serenity:_ Again with the sharing thing Joe.

_Seto: _Oh, this psycho authoress is going to update, and I dread as the seconds tick away to such.

_Serenity:_ We're so glad you reviewed!!! We'll keep at it!!

Anordin

_Seto:_ And how can you find this funny??

_Serenity_: The great mystery of the Cowardly Lion is revealed!! That's probably been the biggest FAQ of this fic!!

(Joey dances around with a lampshade on his head)

_Serenity:_ Okay, second most FAQ. The first is the question "When is Joey going to die?"

_Shrilanka-San:_ (Evil voice) Well well well…having fun are we?

_The other three: _AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

_Shrilanka-San:_ (Super evil voice) Get back in the story now, or else in chapter six, you all fall into a extremely active volcano…

(All three run screaming back into the story)

_Shrilanka-San: _Sorry about all that. Welcome back to the story, though I'm still a bit worried on why you like this so much.

Onto the craziness!

CHAPTER** FIVE**

If I Only Had the Ax of Insanity

_Here in my Car,_

_Something, something else,_

_It's a really great song,_

_I used to know all the words_

_In cars Ba bum,_

_Ba da da_

_Bum, ba da, BA DA-_

"JOEY!!!!" Serenity yelled. "Could you _please_ play a song of which _you know all the words to_???"

"IN CA-ARS!!" Joey sung again.

While Serenity sighed to herself, wondering how the story got as far as it has, she heard a voice behind her that was familiar, yet so unfamiliar at the same time.

"What do you think you're doing?" said Seto, behind them, having finally caught up after his near death brush with the tree monsters.

"What do you mean?" asked Serenity.

"How come you and your plush and your mutt are going down _the exact same road as I am_?" asked Seto in a very angry tone.

"Well…we're heading to the Wizard of Cuz," Serenity said. "Joey needs brains and I need to get rid of these platforms and go home."

Seto just growled.

"Are you going to see the wizard tooth fairy?" Joey asked.

"It's none of you business you dog," Seto retorted.

"Well, if we're all traveling to the same place, we might as well travel together," Serenity said.

"Uh, no," Seto replied.

"Why not?" Joey asked.

"Because I hate both of you," said Seto.

"Look," Serenity said. "I don't see what's so wrong trying to stop each other from being k-"

Suddenly, all three of them heard a laugh of malice, icy cold, yet somewhat triumphant. All three turned to see where it was coming from, up a tree in interlocking branches.

There was Pegasus the Not-Nice Witch of the West. His brown eye glared down upon the trio, and he was heartily amused.

"Well, well, well," he said. "If it isn't the person who I wish to kill, the person who wishes to kill me, and…who the heck's that?"

He pointed to Joey, who was currently fascinated by his own left foot.

"Pegasus!" Seto snarled. "I'll never forgive you for what you did, and I've had just about enough of you as I can stand! You hand over my heart right now!!"

"Oh Kaiba-boy," Pegasus said, "as sad as I am to here you say such thing, I'm afraid you're not the thing that's on my mind. All I want know is the girl!"

"Uh, I have a name you know," Serenity said.

"Even so, I'm worried about her for now," Pegasus said. "I'm just in this all for the Ruby Platform Straps."

"Bring it on!" Serenity said.

"Not now little miss," Pegasus said. "When we have our battle, I want it to be one on one in the most torturous and horrid way possible. Plus it's too early in the story to kill you off."

"Oh…well…" Serenity said awkwardly.

"However, I can destroy something and leave a chilling warning foreshadowing the terrible events that are to come!" Pegasus said. With that, he conjured a huge fireball out of absolutely nothing, and then he blasted a hole mere inches from our heroes feet.

"YAY! GIANT DONUTS!!" Joey yelled in happiness, jumping into the smoldering crater. However, his pants promptly caught on fire.

"AHHHH!!!!" Joey screamed, rolling around the ground in pain. "THE GIANT DONUTS HAVE REJECTED ME!!!!!"

"Wow, that was random," said Pegasus. "FAREWELL!!!"

With that just like before, the evilish smoke shot up, consuming our fancy-pants villain. The smoke vanished, and Pegasus was gone.

"Ha!!" he said, his head poking out from behind a tree. "See? I did it! I disappeared completely…that…time. OH DARN IT!!"

Realizing he blew his own cover, he quickly darted away into the shrubbery around him.

"Joey!!" Serenity cried, running up to him, who was turning and writhing in pain. "Oh Joey! Are you alright?"

"No…giant donuts…" Joey managed to sob.

"Oh Mutt Boy," Seto said, tossing one of the apples he managed to snatch from their previous adventure. "I've got a nice apple."

"APPLE!!!" Joey cried with joy, instantly returning to complete health, soaring through the air, snatching the apple out of Seto's hand, and quickly tore into its juicy flesh like a person who hadn't had a decent meal in the past nine years.

"Um, not that I'm complaining, but I thought you hated us," Serenity said.

"Oh don't worry, I do," Seto said. "However, if Pegasus wants you so badly, then maybe if he comes after you, I can go after him."

"So…" Serenity said.

"So…oh…God, it hurts to say this," Seto started. "I suppose…I'm traveling with you two…but I still hate you…both of you…but especially the mutt…"

"HEY!!!" Joey said. "I AM NOT A DOG!!"

"Keep telling yourself that Rover," Seto said.

---ooo---

**THAT NIGHT!! WoOoOoOoO!!!!**

With a campfire in the center of them, the three settled down for the night, Seto as far away from the idiot two as possible. Joey happily munched on what few apples there were on the outskirts of Empersec. Serenity stared at the campfire, wondering if she would ever get home to her mom. Seto just watched the two, forbidding any memories of Pegasus and his heart to enter his mind. They would only distract him.

"Serenity, you look sad," Joey said, using up his usual second from every ten-thousand bites that he used to either breath or talk.

"I'm just a little homesick," Serenity said.

"Well…maybe a song will cheer you up!" Joey said happily.

"NO!!" Serenity cried.

It was too late. Joey promptly cleared his throat, and burst into semi-joyous rhapsody.

_Here she comes again_

_When she's dancin' 'nieth the starry skies_

_She'll make you flip!_

_Here she comes again_

_When she's dancin' 'nieth the starry skies_

_I kinda like the way she dips_

_Bah bah bah bah bah_

_She's my BEST FRIEND'S GIRL_

_Bah bah bah bah_

_She's my BEST FRIEND'S GIRL_

_Uh oh, oh_

_And she-_

Joey was pinned by an airborne rock.

"Quiet Mutt!!" Seto yelled. "Save some air for the _useful_ animals!!!

"You're so mean tooth fairy!!" Joey yelled.

"At lest I'm not stupid Mutt!" Seto snapped.

"Pardon," Serenity said, "but can we just figure out who gets what watch tonight?"

"We get to watch TV?" Joey asked happily.

"No," Serenity said. "You just stay up."

"And?" Joey asked.

"And…watch for trouble," Serenity said.

"And?" Joey asked.

"And…that's it," Serenity said.

"That sounds boring!" Joey said.

"That's why we have to divide up watch time between the three of us," Serenity said. "So…who wants what?"

"I want ice cream!!" Joey said.

"No Joey!" Serenity said. "What watch do you want?"

"Ice cream?" Joey asked.

"NEVER MIND!!!" Serenity said. "Well draw straws."

"Do we even have straws?" Seto asked.

"Well, let's draw _something_," Serenity asked.

"Lets draw…how are we going to do this?" Seto asked.

"How about a Rock-Paper-Scissors match?" Joey asked.

"Wow Joey…" Serenity said. "That's actually a good suggestion."

So with that, our heroes each made fists, each on poised and ready to make the move which they believe could overcome all other moves. The count off was…counted off, and the three drew. Serenity chose scissors. Joey chose paper. Seto chose-

"Atomic bomb," Seto said, keeping his fist but keeping his thumb up in the air. "It incinerates rock, paper, and sissors. I win!"

"You twit!!" Serenity said. "There's no such thing as atomic bomb in rock-paper-scissors! No one said there is!!"

"No one said there isn't either!" Seto said.

"You big fat mean person!!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!!"

"I'll fight you for one," Seto growled.

"Fine with me!!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion.

So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out.

"That's pathetic on so many levels," Seto said, Joey lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh well, I win. I call first watch."

"I call second," Serenity said. "Well, looks like Joey gets third. Come on Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. Let's go to bed."

---ooo---

Of course, because he didn't trust the other two, Seto took all three watches that night.

---ooo---

**THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER THE SAVAGE RITUAL WHICH MANY CALL…BREAKFAST!! WoOoOoOoO!!!**

"So, how long does this road go anyway?" Serenity asked the two.

"In a cosmic sense, probably not that far," Seto said.

"And in a literal sense?" Serenity asked.

"Forever," Seto replied.

"When's lunch?" Joey asked.

"In a cosmic sense…" Seto began.

"Hey check it out!!" Serenity said, pointing to a sign on the side of the road. In very flashy, tourist-y text, thus was written.

_Welcome to Aqueso_

_Home of the legendary cheese river and the cheese forest_

"The cheese river and the cheese forest?" Serenity asked, puzzled.

"Obviously this territory is dependent on lame tourist attractions," Seto said.

"Aqueso…isn't that a pun off the Spanish phrase 'a queso', which means cheesy?" Serenity asked.

"I bet," Seto said.

"Uh…where's Joey?" Serenity asked.

She looked around, but Joey was no where to be found. He seemed to have vanished into thin air.

"Where is h…" she began.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FLEEE!!!! FLEEEE!!!!!!!!" screamed many frightened locals. All were running for cover from some horrible foe. All of them appeared to be elf-like creatures, with long ears and modest clothing.

"What's going on?!" Serenity yelled over the complete chaos.

"I don't know!!!" Seto yelled back. "What do you think I am, psychic?"

"JOE-EEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!" Serenity called.

---ooo---

However, at that moment, Joey had little to no care about Serenity or Seto. The only fact that had glued itself to the wall of Joey's warped little mind is that somewhere there was cheese, and he needed to find it!!

Running like a mad beast blindly through the thick of the forest, Joey was completely berserk in his need for cheese! Stomping and bellowing, panting from both exertion, and the mental picture of that taste of soft, dairy-like goodness melt in his mouth, slide down his throat, get broken down by the digestive acids in the stomach, having the liquefied goo go down his small intestine while each nutrient is absorbed into the bloodstream and then-

Suddenly, he caught the scent. He could smell the chedder waft on the breeze. Without thinking twice, he charged toward it, tearing the foliage apart, until he saw it.

He made it to the legendary land of all that is cheese. He was in front of a golden river of Swiss, many a brae tree, mounts of cheddar silt pilled on the banks, blue cheese trees, Gouda grass, and so many other varieties of salty goodness.

"I wish everyone in the world could feel the joy I hold in my heart right now," Joey said, for a moment actually sounding smart. To make up for it, he ran over to the cheese river, throwing his head under. He came back up howling with delight.

"I HAVE FOUND MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD!!!" he yelled, his face wet with cheese. However, Joey's sub human instincts suddenly kicked in. He heard a rustle in the bushes, not violent, but there. He had a dark feeling. He felt he was being watched…BY FAN GIRLS!!!!

He quickly turned around, but no one was there.

---ooo---

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN WRIGHTSTOWN, NEW JERSEY!!! WoOoOoOoOoO!!!!**

"You don't think…" said Sam, a very dedicated fan girl to Yu-Gi-Oh for the past three years, asked. She had logged onto to look for a power, thoughtful, overall entertaining story to enjoy during her precious free time. Unfortunately, she found this story instead.

"Nah," said Denise, another loyal fan girl, also a best friend to Sam. "That would make the author both psychic and psycho."

"Maybe she is…" said Sam.

There was a very painful silence.

"Let's read a different story!!!" Sam cried in front.

"Good idea," said Denise quickly.

---ooo---

"Hello?" Joey said uncertainly, out into the bushes where he heard the minor rustle. "Is anyone out there…cheesy?"

The bushes rustled even more. Suddenly, a young (handsome) man came walking out. With snow white hair, and huge brown eyes, and a…sweater, Joey know by pure blind instinct that he could only be-

"SANTA!!!" Joey said happily.

"I'm not Santa Mr. Soon-to-be-a-mangle-bloody-corpse," said the young man who was not a jolly elf, having a voice which was well weaved with a British accent.

"Bill Clinton?" Joey asked.

"No," the not-a-former-president replied.

"The muffin man?" Joey asked.

"No," the not-a-pastry-baker replied.

"Misty May?" Joey asked.

"NO!!!!" the not-a-kick-butt-Olympic-female-athlete said. "For you information, my name is Ryo Bakura."

"That's a funny name!" Joey said.

"Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."

"Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"

"That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel. "Cheese?"

"YES IT IS!!!" screamed Joey, soaring through the air and grabbing the cheese from Ryo AKA Your Assailant's hands. He then immediately began gorging on it as if he hadn't had a decent meal in four years, instead of four hours.

"I think I'm going to like you Joe…" said Ryo. With that, he reared back his head and did a five-minute-long laugh of triumph, tingled with gloating, and a few notes of all out psychoticness entangled in.

"Bless you!!" Joey said for his tradition second he used to either talk or breathe, before gorging on his cheese wheel again.

---ooo---

Due to sheer blind luck, somehow Serenity and Seto managed to pull themselves out of the huge, stampeding crowd of frightened elves. Panting from fighting there way through, they were leaning against huge oak trees to keep themselves collapsing from exhaustion.

"What…was that?" Serenity managed to gasp.

"Again, why do you ask questions I don't have an answer to?" Seto said. "The only way we could possibly know is if some random bystander ran by screaming what was wrong at the top of his lungs!!!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" a random, bystander elf screamed running by. "THE MYTHICAL AX OF INSANITY IS OUT SOMEWHERE IN THE LAND AND IF ANYONE HAPPENS TO FIND IT, WE ARE ALL DOOMED FOR ETERNITY!!!! IT'S GAME OVER MAN!!! WE'LL DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Hey, nice platforms."

"Thanks!!!" Serenity said.

"What in God's name is the Ax of Insanity?" Seto said.

"Oh now who's asking the questions we don't have an answer to?" Serenity said. "Well, something else should be thrown in to aide the plot device soon. The psycho authoress should provide one in a few seconds."

"Dudes!!" said a fairy elf with a huge skateboard, Linkin Park T-shirt, torn up, greasy black jeans, and a backward Patriots cap. "I heard you, like, need some information about the Ax of Insanity man!"

"Toldja," Serenity said.

"Uh…who are you?" Seto asked the fairy.

"Serenity, duh!" Serenity said. "Honestly, I thought Joey was the slow one."

"Not you! The Neo-Punk!!" Seto said.

"I'm the Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the forest dude!" said the weirdo elf. "But my friends all call me Wil."

"Okay…Wil," Seto said. "What's this…Ax of Insanity?"

"The Ax of Insanity is, like, this ax that, like, makes you go insane," said the Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the forest. "You see, my Mom got me it for Flag Day when they were sold out of the new Eminem CD at Borders. So then, since it was, like, dangerous, I kept it, like, locked away," replied the Genexer

"So…why is it such a big deal now?" Serenity asked.

"Well, I was, like, taking to this stream to, like, get it cleaned off, because my dad spilt coffee on it. Then this, like, caravan of traveling ice cream salesmen came along, and I, like left my ax for five minutes, and it, like, disappeared," said the Genexer.

"So, how insane to people become if they touch this ax?" Seto asked.

"Ever heard of the the Taipang Rebellion?" The Genexer asked.

"That bad?" Serenity asked.

"Naw, I was just wondering if you had," said the Genexer. "You see, I've got this Global homework, and I'm too lazy to look it up-"

"HOW INSANE?!?!!?!?!?" Seto asked dangerously.

"Dude!" the Genexer replied. "Why do you think all those Dudes were running and, like, screaming at the top of their lungs?"

"Seto, Joey's out there!" Serenity said. "He could be in big trouble!!!"

"So?" Seto asked. Serenity slammed her six inch platforms on top of his foot. This made Seto both hop around howling in agoney, but caused him to scream cuss in seven…wait, no, eight different languages.

"Please Mr. Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the Forest," said Serenity. "Can you please help us find the Ax of Insanity before Joey does?"

"No way man," said the loser. "I'm, like, here for plot device only. Plus, I need to do that English homework I blew off. Okay, later."

With a small poof, the Generation X'er was gone, and the only thing that could save Joey was Serenity and Seto.

Five bucks says Joey's doomed.

---ooo---

Speaking of Joey, he was, at the moment, eating ten times his body weight in cheese, Ryo looking calm, almost fascinated, with such. For what was a grim silence other than Joey's vapid chewing upon his helpless victim curds, it was finally broken by Ryo.

"Joey," he said. "I have a confession."

Joey didn't pay attention. He continued to mindless gorge on.

"Joey, I'm not really Ryo Bakura," Not-Ryo said. "The real Ryo Bakura is a kind, cutsie, sickening sweet kid. He has almost no courage, and he spends his time baking cookies, knitting oven mitts for underprivileged telemarketers, and sewing cutsie, button eyed, decorative couch kitties."

Joey continued to mindlessly chew.

"I am an imposter," Not-Ryo said.

"Huh?" Joey said, using his second. "Did you say something?"

"More cheese?" Ryo asked, offering another cheese wheel.

"Yay!" said Joey, snatching it up and continuing his mindless scoffing.

---ooo---

Meanwhile, the other two were franticly searching the forest for Joey. The previous sentence is a complete lie. Serenity was franticly searching for Joey. All Seto was doing was thinking of ten places he'd rather be right now.

"A little help would be appreciated Seto!!" Serenity angrily yelled.

"A little silence would be very much appreciated Serenity," Seto snapped back.

"Look," Serenity said, giving Seto a very stern 'listen up' look, "I know this is hard for you, but you need to care about this! We can all be in huge trouble!"

"So we lost the stupid mutt," Seto shrugged. "Let the SPCA pick him up!"

"Seto," Serenity said, "can you honestly say you feel safe with the fact in your mind that Joey could have the Ax of Insanity right now?"

"What could a common idiot like him possibly do that can put us in that much trouble?" Seto asked

_Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects _

The entire world was consumed in complete and utter chaos. Innocent civilians screamed and ran away from the terrifying beast that was completely destroying their peaceful town.

"WE'RE DOOMED!!" screamed a man, running in terror.

"HE DESTROYED MY HOUSE!!" screamed a woman, hiding in a grove of bushes, hoping the terrible beast won't see her.

"HE ATE MY UNDERWARE MAN!!!!" screamed another guy, hiding in a different bush for obvious reasons.

Suddenly, IT came. IT bellowed and roared, causing all to run and pray for mercy in ITs wake.

"MOO!!!" screamed Joey, jumping dramatically into the chaotic scene. Just for effect, he used his huge, double bladed ax to slice and innocent ice cream cart in half, making the streets run blue, purple, brown, and pink with artificially flavored dairy product carnage.

"MOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Joey bellowed.

His cheeks (facial ones) will forever be remembered stained with milky sugar.

_Back to Reality Effects _

"Okay," Seto said. "I guess I see where you're coming from."

"Thank you," Serenity said, continuing to look. In confession, Seto put minimal effort into the frantic search, but he doesn't have a heart, so really, this is a big step in the right direction for him.

Unfortunately, time was running out. If they don't hurry, all three will be in for a world of hurt. I should know. I write the story.

---ooo---

Back at the cheesy killing grounds, Joey continued to eat, even though his pants were splitting at the seams, and his shirt was stretching painfully across his middle.

The silence was once again broken by Not-Ryo.

"Joey, I have another confession," Not-Ryo said.

Joey didn't care.

"Joey, I am an evil spirit that partially dwells in the real Ryo's soul, partially in the Ax of Insanity," Not-Ryo said. "You see, I was tired of having a daisy-skipping pain ruling my vessel. So one day, he found the Ax of Insanity and wanted to use it to cut his Dutch apple pie, and then, using its psycho power, I took over his body."

Joey continued to eat.

"I am a three to five thousand year old Egyptian spirit," said Not-Ryo. "It is my one dream in life to release complete chaos on Earth."

Joey still didn't care, and continued to eat on.

"I want to watch ever person's damned soul howl in pain, screaming for mercy as they are dragged into the abyss…and to keep my Chia-Pet alive for more than a week. But that's a different topic."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"More cheese?" Not-Ryo said, holding up another cheese wheel.

"Yay!!!" Joey said, devouring the other cheese wheel.

"I know this is a lot to ask," said Not-Ryo, "but may I ensnare you in this tightly meshed, extremely scratchy, and overall painful ropes?"

"Yeah…okay," Joey managed to say, as he was quickly bound up by Not-Ryo to a particularly large cheese tree.

"Now Joey, I haven't had the fun of torturing people for the last three-to-five thousand years," said Not-Ryo with a grimly eager voice. "Do you have any friends/acquaintances/family members/people or items of personal value/travel companions I can DESTROY!?!?!?!?"

"Just Serenity and the tooth fairy," said Joey, beginning to chow down on the tree cheese.

Not-Ryo looked puzzled for a moment. As Joey continued to feed, he pulled out a pocket Dora the Explorer date book. He flipped through a couple pages that were scrawled over in ancient text. He came upon a particular page and read it through.

"Well _that's_ weird," he said. "I thought I killed the tooth fairy off in 2084 BCE. Must be a mess up…oh well, this Serenity sounds like a piece of cake."

"Cake?" Joey asked hopefully. "Why?"

With that, Not-Ryo pulled out a pocked dictionary from his jeans. He also pulled out a pair of very distinguished reading glasses. He slid them on, and after flipping through a few pages, he stopped at one, cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Serenity, noun," he said. "Calmness of mind; even of temper; coolness; undisturbed state; composure."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"I'll be right back Joey," Not-Ryo said, throwing the book and reading glasses aside. "I'm about to mercilessly kidnap your friend. I'll only be a few."

"Bye Your Assailant!" Joey said continuing to eat his cheese.

---ooo---

Well, there's your chapter!!

In case you are wondering, I own neither "Cars" by Gary Newman nor "My Best Friend's Girl" by The Cars.

Yes, I know that I am leaving you at a climax point, but hey, I am the all-knowing authoress, and I have full legal right to do that.

Now then, I'm sure a lot of you are wondering what the heck the Taiping Rebellion was.

A good spot of time ago, some Asian country (I think it was China) was ruled by a wicked despot of an empress. She was so wicked, she sent out many taxes to throw her entire country into poverty. All the commoners of her kingdom were pretty much starving due to the fact that their empress was throwing them into massive, paralyzing debt.

Well, I know what you're thinking. _So what! The darn peasants just rebel!!_

No, actually, because the empress thought of a cruel but smart way to stop it.

You see, to every peasant who wanted a good bit of silver, all they had to do was bring her the head of a rebel.

So naturally, all they people went out on massive witch hunts to find rebels so they could kill them and get enough money to feed their starving families.

The lives lost were millions, and millions, and MILLIONS!!!

I am not kidding! So next time, ask your teacher to discuss the Taiping Rebellion in class. Chances are he/she will either have no clue what you're talking about or tell you to turn to page blah blah blah and send an angry note home to your parents.

Oh well, I should get a lot of writing done, because next week is regents week!!! Oh yeah!! God's gift to freshman!!! One of the few we get!!

I get three free days off, I get three free days off, I get three free days off…

Alright, a premiere of the next chapter (like you people need one!). Here we go!

---ooo---

I decided to just eat you both," said Not-Ryo, dragging out a huge cauldron from a nearby grove of bushes.

"Why are you doing this?!" Serenity said in rage, as Joey continued to eat his cheese.

"Well, for seven reasons actually," said Not-Ryo. "One, I have an inbred killing instinct. Two, I'm under possession of the Ax of Insanity. Three, making you suffer long, painful deaths appeal to me. Four, I haven't had a decent meal in the past three-to-five thousand years. Five…I'm working on five. Six, fat boy over there looks quite tempting. Seven, I'm evil and I can do whatever I bloody well like!"

"Those are good reasons," Joey said.

Joey, Not-Ryo, and every reader in the audience looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Yeah, you're right," she said. "We're doomed."

---ooo---

Are they, in every way possible, doomed?

TO BE CONTINUED!!!


	6. If I Only Had a Plush Toy

Shri: BWA HA HA HA HA!!!! (_with Ryo, Seto, Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Joey puppets_) DANCE MY PUPPETS!!! DANCE!!!

(_Looks out and sees the audience_)

Shri: Uh sorry. (_Throws puppets away_) Welcome back to another heinous chapter of my story! I am joined today by my very own, FAIRY FRAT BOY!!!!

(_Huge, fat person with a t-shirt with Greek letters and strap-on wings and a Patriots cap sits next to her, chewing on a huge buffalo wing)_

Shri: Fairy Frat Boys are just like Fairy Godmothers, except they're a lot less attractive, smellier, and do nothing but raid your fridge and wise crack.

Fairy Frat Boy: You're ugly. (_belches_)

Shri: Anyway… first may I say welcome back one and all!!

Fairy Frat Boy: And you've gained weight.

Shri: Ignore him. ONTO THE REVIEWS!!!

Meant2Live

Shri: Thanks again guys! GO AWAY ALREADY!!!!

Fairy Frat Boy: Not until the reviews are over (_belches_)

Shri: Alright! You wouldn't believe how happy I was you reviewed! And I loved it when you showed some of your favorite parts! Here are some of mine:

"_That's a funny name!" Joey said._

"_Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."_

"_Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"_

"_That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel._

Shri: …and…

"_You big fat mean person!!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!!"_

"_I'll fight you for one," Seto growled._

"_Fine with me!!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion._

_So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out._

Shri:…and-

Fairy Frat Boy: You're stalling you fool!! Get onto the rest of the reviews!! (_belches_)

Shri: FINE!!! I'm still a little upset at myself for choosing the exact same characters you did. Oh well (sigh) again, I'm sorry for stepping into your territory.

Fairy Frat Boy: Shut up you baby.

Shri: I don't deserve to be your rival! And everyone out there, I highly, highly, highly suggest you read theirs as well. It's called The Wizard of Domino High. READ IT!!

Fairy Frat Boy: Stop being a mope you baby.

Shri: You know, if I didn't realize that you were telling the truth, I'd slap you. But GOOD LORD, I don't want to kill Mena! She's a great fanfic writer along with Tori! I guess you really can die laughing. And yes, Joey does need a smart wife…of course, she'd have to be dumb to date him in the first place.

NKitty

Shri: Great to see you again! And you pretty much described all the characters to a tee.

Fairy Frat Boy: You don't have perfect teeth (_belches_)

Shri: I am so glad you're enjoying the story! If you like Bakura, you're going to love what's coming up next!! Let's just say…it's not what you'd expect from him.

Mifurey

Shri: (_laughs_) Indeed! I would never wish Joey's singing upon any soul.

Fairy Frat Boy: You have a bad taste in music.

Shri: Anyway, I pretty much took all of my favorite songs and ruined them by making Joey sing them. Though, in honest confession, that _is_ how I sing 'Cars'.

Fairy Frat Boy: Badly.

Shri: GO AWAY!!!

Yamiko Yakou

Shri: Thank you! I read your author profile, and I loved it! POWER TO SINGLE WOMAN!!! I AM NOT A BARBIE DOLL!!!

Fairy Frat Boy: Ain't that the truth.

Shri: I SAID BEAT IT!!! Anyway, I hope you continue reading…to see Serenity kick more butt.

Fairy Frat Boy: What about the others.

Shri: Yeah…them too…

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Shri: Yay! Great to see you again girl!

Fairy Frat Boy: You have no writing talent.

Shri: Yep, that's our Joey! Gotta love him! Even though…ya know…

Fairy Frat Boy: He has your intelligence?

Shri: Enjoy this upcoming chapter as I exorcise my Fairy Frat Boy. And someone find Serenity-Yugioh-fan05! Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER SIX**

If I Only Had a Plush Toy

PREVIOUSLY ON 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'

"More cheese?" Not-Ryo said, holding up another cheese wheel.

"Yay!!!" Joey said, devouring the other cheese wheel.

OH…KAY…BACK TO THE STORY!!!

Meanwhile, the other two misguided adolescents were still on the utterly useless search for Joey. Lying again. Serenity was searching, Seto was gripping.

"I've had just about enough of this as I can stand," Seto said. "I am not going to stand another minute our searching for a stupid mutt. I have much better things to do with my life!!"

"But Joey could get killed!!" Serenity said. "And…my bet's you don't care…"

"You're psychic…" Seto said.

"Oh, come on!!" Serenity said. "He at least tried to save us!! That has to count for something!!'

"Emphasis on the word 'tried'," Seto said bitterly.

"You know, I'd take no brains over no heart anytime!!" Serenity said offensively.

"I suppose you both have something in common," Seto said.

Serenity was quite mad, and more and more did she wish she had just dragged Joey through the forest of Empersec without letting him know there were any apples whatsoever. At that moment, she spotted something. Shishkabobed on a protruding twig of a tree, there was a little piece of cloth.

"Hey!" Serenity said. "That looks like Joey's shirit! We're on the right trail."

"Yippee," Seto said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry," said a voice above the two. "I'm afraid the idiot belongs to me."

Up in a nearby tree, there stood Not-Ryo, arms crossed, Ax of Insanity slung under his belt.

"Keep him," Seto said.

"Wait a sec!" Serenity cried, spotting the ax under Not-Ryo's belt. "Is that…"

"This?" Not-Ryo said, rubbing his index finger across the metal surface of the ax head. "Why yes. This is the Ax of Insanity."

"You've got the Ax of Insanity AND JOEY?????" Serenity cried.

"Yes!" Seto said happily to himself, so Serenity couldn't hear.

"Actually, I do," Not-Ryo said. "But I like things in pairs. So-o, hold still!"

With that, he threw a net down, which quickly ensnared Serenity before she could escape. However, in one, last, desperate throw, she hurled Ms. Fuzzy-Kins away from the net, saving her. However, she was not so lucky. She was then dragged off by Not-Ryo, who jumped down from the tree and pulled her away.

"AAHHHHH!!!" she screamed. "SETO!!! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!"

As Serenity was dragged off, Seto mentally regrouped. He made his decision. Then, boldly and heroically, he-

"Oh well," he said, turning around and walking away.

---ooo---

"I'm back stupid boy," said Not-Ryo, dragging Serenity in his net.

"Hi Serenity!" Joey said. "Want some cheese?"

"What are you going to do to us?" Serenity said boldly, being bound to the same tree as Joey by Not-Ryo.

"Well, I thought about it for a while," said Not-Ryo. "At first, I was going to gut you both like fishes-"

Serenity looked repulsed.

"-then I was going to beat you both until you bled to death-"

Serenity shivered.

"-but then I decided to just eat you both," said Not-Ryo, dragging out a huge cauldron from a nearby grove of bushes.

"Why are you doing this?!" Serenity said in rage, as Joey continued to eat his cheese.

"Well, for seven reasons actually," said Not-Ryo. "One, I have an inbred killing instinct. Two, I'm under possession of the Ax of Insanity. Three, making you suffer long, painful deaths appeal to me. Four, I haven't had a decent meal in the past three-to-five thousand years. Five…I'm working on five. Six, fat boy over there looks quite tempting. Seven, I'm evil and I can do whatever I bloody well like!"

"Those are good reasons," Joey said.

"Don't worry Joey!" Serenity said. "Seto will save us!!!"

Joey, Not-Ryo, and every reader in the audience looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Yeah, you're right," she said. "We're doomed."

---ooo---

Speaking of him, Seto was…walking. Yeah, just walking. The guilt of not caring that the only two people who even talked to him for quite a bit of time were about to be killed by a homicidal psycho. Or at least it didn't yet.

"HEY YOU!!" said a voice behind him. Out of slight curiosity, Seto turned around to see the dead man who yelled. No one was there.

Not really caring, he turned around.

"Hello?" the rude voice said again. "Are you deaf, blind, stupid, or all of the above? I'm talking to you pall!!"

Seto turned around again. He still couldn't see anyone behind him. He looked right, he looked left, he looked forward again. Now he was finally convinced that all of the terror the lunatic who wrote this book threw him over the edge.

"DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT!!!" yelled the voice. Seto looked down, only to see the cuddly, cute Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Oh, I'm nuts," Seto said to himself. "I'm hallucinating that Serenity's stupid doll is talking to me."

"I'm a plush toy, thank you!!" said the plush kitty. "Look here smart arse!! There are two perfectly good people out there who are about to get wasted, and you can just strut around like an idiot saying 'Oh look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba, I've got no heart! I apparently have no gut either!!!'"

"What the-" Seto started.

"Do you need me to say it slowly?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. " Yooouuuuu neeeeeeeeed tooooo goooo baaaack aaaaaaand heeeeeeelllp theeeeeeeeeem."

"Look you," Seto said, pointing a very threatening finger at the cuddly plush toy. "You are an inanimate object! You can't think, talk, or yell at me! Now shut up and obey the laws of physics!!"

"Make me skinny boy!!" said the plushie. "Besides, I am, part time, your conscious!!"

"My conscious?" Seto asked.

"Yes, that thing!!" said the plush toy. "Believe me, we really had to get the heavy artillery when it came to you!!!"

"How thrilling," Seto said, turning his back and walking away. However, he saw the plush toy suddenly float in mid air right in front of him.

"There you go defying the laws of physics again!!" Seto said angrily.

"So I'm telekinetic, what's your problem?" said the plush toy. "Look pall, I have three reasons that you should go back and help the other two. There's a business reason, personal reason, and a really good reason!"

"I-do-not-care!!!" Seto syllabled out.

"Okay," said the floating plush toy. "The first reason is because Pegasus won't want smack out of you unless Serenity's alive-"

"Well I'll just risk it," Seto said angrily.

"The second," the plush toy said, drawing out her long, sharp, kitty claws, "Is that I'll knock eighty years of your life expectancy if you don't!!!"

For a point, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins hooked one set of claws into the front of his shirt, and using the strength of ten plush toys, yanked him to eye level.

"Oh yeah," Seto said sarcastically. "I really sweat you and your stuffing!!"

"Really?" the plushie said. "Then let me as you this. If it was your heart back there, would you just walk away?"

Seto was shocked. He gave the plush toy a look so dangerous that it could burn a hole through an oil tanker.

"_How do you know about that?_" he asked darkly.

"I'm a telekinetic plush toy smart one," replied the plush toy. "What's the matter? The truth hurts huh?"

"Alright, alright, alright!!!" Seto said. "I'll save the loser two! I won't like it, I will loathe them for doing it, but I will!! There!! Are you happy!?"

"It's a start," said the plushie. "Okay, now, we need the ultimate tool to succeed against an evil psycho."

"A fool-proof plan?" Seto asked.

"No! Don't be stupid!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "We need…DRAMATIC BACKROUND MUSIC!!!"

With that, the plush toy pulled out a huge boom box, and from in, the theme song to "Mission Impossible" blared.

"I thought my idea kind of made sense," Seto said, turning around to find the two losers who got themselves caught by an albino maniac with an ax.

---ooo---

Speaking of the two, they were currently watching over the inner conflict of Not-Ryo as he tried to figure out whether to make them into stew, or simply soup.

"Well, I suppose soup is better for you," he said to himself, chopping up carrots in the water. "But then again, I've been dead for quite sometime, so I might as well live it up. But then again, I'll never keep my size eight if I just go eating stew. But then again, if anyone calls me fat…well, ya know. But is that rude? Should I move my life in a new direction instead of running through anyone who ticks me off? Is that tacky, or just classic? And would people call me a wussy-girl if I didn't do such? Then again, I can always run them thr-oh yeah, I can't if I move my life in a new direction…"

"Why not just make chunky soup?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Not-Ryo said happily.

"JOEY!!!" Serenity yelled. "Rule number one of surviving out in the wild is never offer a cannibal cooking tips!!!"

"I'm not a cannibal by nature," Not-Ryo said, "I just don't look the opportunity horse in the mouth."

"You don't have to eat us!!" Serenity said. "I mean, I've heard people are really gamey! I mean seriously, we'll eat anything!!! And we are absolutely _loaded_ with cholesterol and net carbs!! WE ARE NOT PART OF A HEART HEALTHY DIET!!"

"I am dead," Not-Ryo said. "The last thing I really need to worry about is my heart."

"Oh come on!!!" Serenity said.

"Cheese?" Joey asked.

Not-Ryo tossed him a wheel, which Joey caught in his mouth since his hands were tied up.

"He's just fattening you up!!" Serenity cried.

"Yay!!" Joey said in a muffled voice.

Suddenly, behind the trees, the "Mission Impossible" theme song was heard, and at the exact same moment as the final note hit, Seto burst through the undergrowth, looking very angry.

"Yay!" Serenity said. "We're saved!! I hope!!"

"Alright!" Not-Ryo said. "It looks like for lunch I've got the soup course and the fish course!"

"I'd shut up and find better insults if I were you Casper the Dimwit Ghost," Seto snarled angrily.

"You're right!" said Not-Ryo. "You look like more of a Lean Cuisine!!"

"Oh, you are so clever Mullet Man," said Seto. "Look, let the idiots go, or I'll be forced to yank out ever strand of your freakish pale hair!!"

"Aww," said Not-Ryo. "I knew they meant something to you!"

"Yeah, many sleepless nights," Seto said. "But between the hatred I have for you and I have for them, yours greatly surpasses."

"And why?" Not-Ryo said. "Because I've got prettier eyes than you?"

"No, because you kidnap innocent idiots AND you're wearing a tacky sweater!"

Suddenly, Not-Ryo's eyes were filled with tears.

"Tacky?" he managed to choke between a sob. "NOBODY CALLS MY OUTFIT TACKY!!! _DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"Yay!! A fight scene!!" Joey said, pulling out a bag of cheese popcorn.

With that, Not-Ryo threw the ax at Seto, and while barely missing his head, he did manage to clip off a small bit of brown hair, then dug itself in a tree behind Seto.

"Ha!!" Seto said, pulling it out. "You missed, and you gave me a dangerous weapon! How do you fell now?"

However, Seto got kicked in the stomach, throwing him back into the same tree, causing him to drop the ax, and for Not-Ryo to regain control of it.

"Well," he said, watching Seto flinch in pain as he twirled the Ax of Insanity around, "now that I have my ax back and caught you off guard, quite well. Now it appears that you are unarmed."

"Not quite," Seto said, and from his back, left hand pocket, he pulled out a huge oar, with a fancy, hand-fitting handle.

"Oh wow!" Joey said. "That's the Oarzac 5000!! With its slim design, light weight, easy to grip handle, and availability in seven different designer colors, the stupid tooth fairy is guaranteed victory!!"

**A PRODUCT OF OARCO  
OARCO!! FOR ALL YOUR PADDLE BASED NEEDS!!  
****AVALABLE AT TARGET, WAL MART, K MART, OR AT ANY OARCO SUBSIDIARY**

_(Illegal in some states. Side effects include itching, rash, headaches, irrational thinking, being loathed by your family, being dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend, heart failure, and sudden death. Not to be taken if you are an idiot, wearing platforms, or alive)_

"On guard!!" Seto said angrily, drawing out his Oarzac.

"Whatever!" said Not-Ryo, drawing out his ax.

And so the epic clash began!! How they fought!! Weapons clanged against each other, no one seemed to have the upper hand. This was truly a fight to the death!

Meanwhile, Serenity was simply watching on in terror.

"Joey, we have to get out of here!!!" she cried. "Oh, I can't stand these stupid ro…"

Then, the idea fairy hit Serenity hard with her mystical wooden mallet.

"Joey!" she cried. "Do you still have that pair of scissors in your pocket?"

"Cheese?" Joey asked.

"Joey," Serenity said sweetly. "If you get the scissors out and cut us free, you can have all the cheese you want!"

"YAY!!! CHEESE!!!" Joey cried. With that, a few hacks latter, the ropes had fallen at his sides, and he and Serenity were free.

"Joey, you did it!!" Serenity said. "You saved us!!"

"CHEESE!!!" Joey yelled, dive bombing into the cheese river.

Back at the fight scene, the two were still facing off, and they had locked together each other's weapons, and they had the very traditional act of getting eye to eye and saying a catchy one liner.

"It seems we are evenly matched," Seto said, straining to keep his oar from not collapsing under the ax.

"Your outfit doesn't match your skin tones!!" Not-Ryo said, and since Seto was the one who talked first, he did a complete whirligig with his ax, knocking the Oarzac out of Seto's hands, sending him spiraling to the ground.

"Alright," Not-Ryo said, laying his ax-head painfully close to Seto's throat. "Any last words before I hack off your head and turn it into a decorative lawn ornament?"

"Can I have about, say, ninety years to think it over?" Seto asked.

"Nice last words," Not-Ryo said, holding his ax blade high. "DIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"

Suddenly, flying like a juggernaut out of the forest to save Seto's sorry hide, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins flew through the air, throwing herself on Not-Ryo's face. This blocked his vision, and in shock, he dropped the ax on the ground.

"Oh, you stupid cat!!!" Not-Ryo screamed, throwing her angrily to the ground. However, when he turned around to pick up his ax, Serenity had one huge, red, ruby platform on top of the Ax of Insanity.

"Please?" Not-Ryo asked, but Serenity crushed the ax under her foot.

"Well that's not good," said Not-Ryo, and with that, he promptly fainted.

"Are you alright?" Serenity asked Seto.

"Yeah…fine…" Seto said, getting up.

"Oooohhh…" Joey said, lumbering in terrible pain out of the cheese river. His was so fat that you'd think he got hit by a school bus. Heck, he was the SIZE of a school bus! "I shouldn't have eaten that last cheese…"

POP!!

Suddenly, with a poof of smoke, Wil appeared like all magical whatsits do.

"Oh man!" he said. "You totally wasted it!!"

"Oh…yeah…" Serenity said, looking at the broken up ax. "Sorry about your Ax of Insanity."

"Not the ax dude!!" Wil said. "The ax is able to reassemble itself instantly, see?"

With that, the ax began to pull itself back together magically. All the mangled parts straightened out, and put themselves back in their correct places. Everyone was both awed and creeped out.

"But look at my mom's favorite tree!" Wil said, pointing to a tree with a huge ax mark sticking in it. "She's gonna totally kill me!"

"Sorry," Seto said, reaching into his pocket. "Will a one hundred cover it?"

"A ONE HUNDRED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Serenity screamed.

"Yeah wh- oh pardon," Seto said. "Did I say one hundred? I meant….a five!!"

"Do you have, like, one of those pretty gold Sacagawea coins?" asked Wil. Seto pulled one out and gave it to the weirdo's outstretched hand.

"Rightous!!" He said.

"Huh…" poor Ryo said, getting up with the worst headache in history. "What…huh?"

"OH NO!!" Joey screamed.

"HE'S BA-A-ACK!!!!!" screamed Serenity. All three got in really cool karate-start-up positions, when suddenly, violently and evilly, Ryo yelled-

"A PLUSHIE!!!" he cried, picking up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and squeezing him tight. "Oh, you're so cute and soft!! Oh, who's a cute plush toy? _Oos a kwute plushum??"_

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Uhh…" Serenity said.

"I'M SO CONFUSED!!!!!" Joey cried.

"Isn't that the truth?" Seto said.

"Dude, like, he doesn't have the ax anymore!!" said Wil. "He's not, like, insane now!"

"AHHHHH!!!! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?" Ryo screamed in his extremely cute British accent, hugging the little plushie even closer to his body. "ARE YOU WITH SCOLAND YARD??? DO YOU WANT TO DICECT MY BRAIN?? NO!!! PLEASE!! I'M TO YOUNG TO FILE AN INSURANCE CLAIM!!!!!!!"

With that, he lay sobbing in fear on the ground, everyone doubly sweat dropping.

"To a point," Serenity finished.

"PEANUT BUTTER!!" Joey sobbed, collapsing and also bawling on the ground.

"IF ANYONE SHEDS ANOTHER TEAR BY THE TIME I FINISH THIS SENTENCE, I WILL PERSONALLY SNAP OFF THEIR OWN RIGHT ARM AND JAM IT DOWN THEIR THROAT!!" screamed Seto.

Ryo instantly stopped crying, but not understanding a word Seto said, continued to sob.

"Yes!!" Seto said happily, rolling up his sleeve.

"SETO! NO!!" Serenity yelled. "HE'S AN IDIOT!!!!"

"Darn!!" Seto said, arm falling loosely at his side.

"Let me guess," Serenity said with a sigh. "You have no courage, and you're on a quest to find the Wizard of Cuz so he can give you some."

"Oh no, YOU'RE PSYCHIC!!" Ryo sobbed in fright. "Please don't zap my brains!!"

"Look, none of us are going to hurt you," Serenity said. "Well, Seto might try, but we won't let him. That's Joey, he doesn't have a brain-"

Joey was licking his own shirt.

"-that's Seto, he doesn't have a heart-"

Seto shot a very menacing look at Ryo.

"-and I'm Serenity Wheeler, and I got landed with a stupid pair of platform shoes and need a way back home to my manic mother."

"Oh, I am so glad none of you want to hurt me!" Ryo said. "It's absolutely terrible not having any courage!! In fact, it's so horrible, I want to sing about it!!"

"And I bet it's going to be titled 'If I Only Had the Nerve'," said Seto.

"Oh come on, that's just plain stupid!" said Ryo.

"Here!" Joey said.

"Plus I can't, that's Meant2Live'e territory. Hey guys!" called Ryo. "Can I have a little music?"

With that, the entire band named 'Bowling for Soup' came out of the trees, pulling along electric guitars and amps and stuff. After a rapid fire set up of all the equipment, Ryo began his song.

**My Ancient Evil Curse**

(Sing to the tune of 1985)

_I've really had enough  
__My live is just too tough  
__The first thing on my list:  
__My Dad's an archeologist_

_My Mum's a denizen  
__Of (please not heck) heaven  
__My sis jumped on the back  
__Of the Grim Reaper's Cadillac_

_I wished I wasn't alone  
__I wished I had a friend  
__My Dad brought home a pretty ring  
__Then my problems really began_

_A spirit thingy  
__Is now the enemy  
__Looked at my oddball life  
__Nothing, has been, alright_

_Petting my Furbie,  
__Running from my Yami  
__Listening to my Genesis CD  
__I wish I was on Jeopardy_

_My best friends in High School  
__All tell me that I'm uncool  
__Because I have to reverse  
__My ancient Evil Curse_

_To find a way I bet_

_They'll be ideas at  
__I'm in love? NO ICK!!  
Who the heck is Marik?_

_I ask my friends, but  
__They don't help out a lot  
__Cause my Yami takes hold  
__And things get really old.  
_

_He'll go and litter,  
__Harass daytime TV,  
__Won't put the seat down  
__And key scratch people's SUV._

_He destroyed Pittsburgh  
__He changed my name to Jane  
__And when I get control:  
__Torches  
__Pitchforks  
__I get all the blame._

_Petting my furbie  
__Running from my Yami  
__Listening to my Genesis CD  
__I wish I was on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School  
__They tell me that I'm uncool  
__Because I have to reverse  
__My Ancient Evil_

_I'm frightened.  
__Oh, stop please.  
__When did my inner psycho get  
__More fans than me?_

_I just want to desist  
__All this bedlam  
__All I have to do is make him  
__Stop  
__STOP  
__**STOP!!!**_

_So I can._

_Go pet my furbie,  
__Stop running from my Yami  
__Listen to my Genesis CD  
__And someday be on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School  
__Won't tell me that I'm uncool  
__Cause I'll finally reverse  
__My Ancient Evil Curse._

_Go pet my furbie,  
__Stop running from my Yami  
__Listen to my Genesis CD  
__And someday be on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School  
__Won't tell me that I'm uncool  
__Cause I'll finally reverse  
__My Ancient Evil Curse._

All three of our heroes stared at Ryo in shock. As Bowling for Soup went away to wherever they want to go, Ryo just stood their, immersing himself in the prevailing awkward silence.

"So…uh…" Serenity started.

"We're going to see the Wizard of Cuz!!" Joey said. "Wanna come? Maybe he can get you some courage!!"

_Please say no, please say no, please say no,_ Seto begged in his head.

"I'd love too!" said Ryo. "Oh this is going to be so much fun!! We can tell each other stories, I can teach you how to make decorative couch kitties, I can try out all those pasta recipes that I always wanted to see what other people tho-"

"Oh for crying!!" Seto said. "Now, I am being held down by an idiot, the plush psychic, a neurotic loser, a manic stuffed animal-"

"-and a negative, cantankerous nihilist," said Serenity.

"Exac-hey!" Seto snarled.

"You're scary…" Ryo said, trembling.

"Well, at least were all in this together!" Serenity said. "And as long as we are, we might as well be watching each others back. Who knows what horrible things were going to have to overcome to make it to the capital of Cuz?"

"Well it can't be that bad, can it?" Ryo said.

"Well, so far we've nearly been sacrificed, trampled by a frightened mob, tied to trees, assassinated by you're alter ego, and had to listen to a terrible remake of a mindless yet terribly catchy song," Seto said.

"Is _that_ the time?" Ryo said, looking at his invisible, non-existent watch. "Wow, 'Days of Our Lives' is going to be on any minute now, so I probably should be going-"

"Ryo," Serenity said reasonably. "Isn't this the chance you wanted? You have a free ticket to the capital of Cuz with three other people who have your back-"

Seto growled. Ryo flinched.

"Okay, two people," Serenity said. "Still, this is a big opportunity! Don't you want that inner courage that could power you into kicking your dark sides butt?"

Reflective, yet akward, thoughtful pause.

"Well…okay," Ryo said. "But only if he promises not to kill me!"

"Oh believe me," Seto said. "After everything I've been through, there is no way I can honestly promise that."

"Great! So it's settled!" Joey said. "Let's all lock arms and sing a corny yet tactfully confusing song!!"

"Yay!!" Ryo said. Serenity put Ms. Fuzzy-Kins on her head, and Ryo grabbed Serenity's right arm while Joey grabbed her left.

_Well, at least the whole issue of tripping on my own platforms is out of the way, _Serenity thought.

"WEEEEEEE'RE OF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF CUZ! HE NEARLY IS THE WIZARDESS WIZ IF OF, UH, how does this song go again? I dunno."

So begins the peculiar, mindless, and completely melodramatic adventures of our heroes. As our fragmented four set off, Ryo, Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Joey took the lead, Seto stayed behind to protect what little sanity was left in his soul.

---ooo---

**This chapter has been brought to you by Oarco! Oarco! For all of your paddle based needs!**

Oh, uh, and I don't own Bowling for Soup or '1985'. I don't own 'Days of Our Lives' either.

I giggle to myself at the idea that Seto's conscious is actually a plush cat. I got the idea for a plush cat because my real cat is sort of like the conscious people like Seto need, soft and fluffy, but willing to run you through for not doing the right thing. I still have a hard time figuring out where cats came up with this 'cutsie fuzzy' or 'pure evil' rep. My cat is almost like a combo of the two, but not as evil. Plus, any human conscious would probably be sent home crying putting up with his wise cracks for a couple minutes…

I also laugh at the idea of Ryo singing _at all_. I think he has a really sweet voice in the Anime, but I think he would crash and burn if he tried to sing anything, as would any other character on the show. I also find it a little weird in my mind that he would choose '1985' as a song to spin off. But I listened to it on the radio, a few lyrics popped into my head, and the entire thing just sort of went off on its own

The thing that seems odd to me is that my story seems to be most famous for portraying Joey as an utter moron. I have nothing against Joey as a character, but I suppose there are two reasons why I am good at making him out like that. One is that I have always had a love for the idiot characters in stories, and I have been influenced by tons of them, both real and imaginary. The second is that I feel I have an easier time designing characters when they are either exactly what I want to be or the exact opposite of what I am. Since I am the nerd kid at school, it's easy to do Joey, because I just make him do the exact opposite of what I do in a certain situation. Seto's also like that, because I'm generally the nice, quiet kid, very much unlike him in many respects. On those lines, Ryo is the hardest to do because I am neither overly courageous nor overly wimpy, (just incredibly sarcastic) so I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

Serenity's really easy, because I make her out to be the kick-but person I want to be, but way too nice to actually be. Ahh…another good rant.

So begin the adventures that I make up as I go along!!! Oh, but what adventures our four heroes have to face just on their next adventure!! More danger!!! More life-or-death situations!! More of Joey being a complete moron!! And more gut splitting humor!!!

Now, and horribly terrifying look at our upcoming chapter, which has received the rating P for Pathetic. Here we go!!

---ooo---

BARBARBARRABARBARBARRABARBARBARBARRABARBARBARBAR!!! BARBARBARRRABARBARBARRABARBARBARRA!!!

Seto found himself woken up by two ways; a military trumpet blasting off and a girly scream of fright from inside the tent.

"SERENITY, SHUT UP!!!" he yelled. "IT'S JUST THE #$& AIR HORN!!!"

"That wasn't me bone head," Serenity said, managing to crawl out of her sleeping bag. "That was Ryo."

Ryo was completely bug eyed and shivering from shock at being woken up at five AM by something so loud.

"Oh boy! School's over!!" Joey said, waking up.

"This is a great way to start our first day at boot camp," said Serenity. "I can almost feel my happiness, dignity, and sanity flying out the door."

"Actually, that's Joey," Ryo said, as Joey leapt out of the tent in his Barney pajamas screaming "SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!!"

---ooo—

What the-BOOT CAMP??? How did they get in boot camp? Do I want to know? Probably not.

You know the drill!


	7. If I Only Had a Crew Cut

Like sand through the hourglass, so are the chapters of our story…

Anyway…enough with the deep stuff, it's time to say hi to all the nice people who reviewed me!

TwinSanity

Hey Mani, Mena, Toli, and Jesselda! Great to see you guys again!

I guess we all have our tactless moments…sorry…

But I am totally glad you updated your story too! It rocked!

And Mani, I am so glad you took the time to drop in and say hi! Plus, you rock for donating to help the tsunami fund!

Aw…as nice as it is, you don't need to recommend my story! Its fun enough having all my reggies review me, like you guys!

So glad you like the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one as much! And again, please don't hurt yourself Mena!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Nah, you're not losing your touch!

Anyway, glad you like the story, and I'm even gladder that you laughed like a lunatic reading mine! The Ax of Insanity…none can fight its awesome power…

I am super special glad that you reviewed me, and It's great to have you as one of my regualar reviewers! Henjoy!

Nkitty

I agree. A plush toy was the best conscious I had for Seto. But I have to admit, at first I was a little worried that people would think it was totally lame, but hey! I also was getting worried that Ms. Fuzzy-Kins was getting shoved into the backround as a character, so I brought her back with a vengeance!

The power of '1985' can be so easily abused, especially in the wrong hands…keep an eye on your brother, and also enjoy the next helping of insanity.

Aron

I'm glad you liked the Spongebob earlier. And I agree, it is a classic in so many ways.

I wanted to make Yugi the wicked dictator of muchkin land for three reasons. One is that if Yugi is anything, he's not an oppressive dictator, and I just was trying to keep the story ludacriss. Two is that I wanted to poke fun at the government. Three…well, I thought it up, and to me, it was just plain funny.

Thank you so much for your reviews!

Mifurey

And what's life without randomness?

Have I mentioned how much I love your dances? I think they are so funny!

Well, enjoy this chapter, with as much planned out randomness I could cram!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

Great to see you again!

I just asked where you were because I missed you last chapter. But yay! You're here! And I loved it when you updated your story! Hope you enjoy mine!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

If I Only Had a Crew Cut

**SOMEWHERE AT THE HIDEOUT OF PEGASUS THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

We join our dastardly villain at his current hideout, at the very top of Extremely Tall Mountain which always has a lightning bolt crashing behind it for dramatic effect! At this moment, he is enjoying himself, screaming his head off while reading the newspaper and drinking from a crystal glass.

"Your not niceness," an adorable, flying, fuzzy bunny with soft white fur and huge, adorable pink eyes with floppy ears said, "we have just received research from the FBBI, the Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigation, that the said Serenity Wheeler has been seen accompanied by three other travelers searching for Rhinestone City, the capital of Cuz."

"I know that General Fluffa-Pie," said Pegasus. "I'd expect you to bring me more up to date news if you are going to interrupt me when I am drinking my w-ahem, world's finest fruit juice and reading newspaper comics! They are absolutely _hilarious_ today!"

"Sir, those are the obituaries," said General Fluffa-Pie.

"So their foreign comics then?" Pegasus asked.

"No sir," said the bunny.

"Never mind!" Pegasus said. "I even know the names of the other three, which are Seto Kaiba, Ryo Bakura, and…the blonde haired, monkey thing."

"Joey Wheeler?" the bunny said.

"No, I'm Pegasus!" Pegasus said angrily. "Jeez! Now go make yourself useful and refill my wine. I mean alcoholic beverage! I mean intoxicating drink! I mean, uh, fire water! Wait no, strong, no-"

"Fruit juice?" the adorably soft bunny said.

"Yes that!" Pegasus said. "And make it snappy!"

-ooo-

**BACK WITH OUR HEROES! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

"NO!" Seto yelled. "For the last time, Mutt! No, I am not the tooth fairy, no, Santa Claus doesn't exist, and no, HE DID NOT DIE AND BECOME TIM ALLEN!"

"But it makes perfect sense!" Joey said. "You probably just don't believe in him 'cause he keeps skipping over your house."

"Joey, everything to you makes perfect sense," Seto said. "You find sense in everything you do, and everything you do is usually stupid!"

"I think you're exadurating a little bit," Ryo said.

"Lions and tigers and bears," Seto said.

"OH MY!" Joey said, jumping several feet in the air, and colliding with a huge tree branch over him. He fell down to the ground in agoney.

"Or maybe not," Ryo said.

"Hey guys!" Serenity said, as her and the other's continued down the yellow brick road on their journey to Oz. "Good news!"

"Joey's going to die in this chapter?" Seto asked hopefully.

"The hole in the Ozone Layer's been fixed?" Ryo asked hopefully.

"Chocolate pudding?" Joey asked hopefully.

"Um…none of the above," Serenity said.

"Another clearance sale at Target?" Joey asked.

"Joey," Serenity said, "this is much better than discount jeans and bobble heads."

"But I like discount jeans and bobble heads!" Ryo said sadly.

"Me too!" Serenity said. "I mean, check out this stupid one! It's hilarious, and I only got it for a buck!"

She then pulled out a bobble head from her back pocket. It looked just like Seto, only it had fangs and its tongue was sticking out. Joey burst out laughing stupidly and began rolling around on the yellow brick road.

"Wow, it is hilarious!" said Ryo, bouncing his head.

"In a bizarre, disgustingly ugly sort of way," Seto said. Hey, even smart people have their stupid moments.

"Yeah," Serenity said, putting it away, "but anyway, the good news is that there is absolutely nothing ahead of us but open field! No woods, no weirdoes, just open space!"

"How do you know that?" Ryo asked.

"I read it up in the latest issue of Cuz Quarterly," Serenity said.

"I see," Seto said.

"Aw…" Joey said.

"What's the matter Joe?" Serenity asked as Joey dragged himself to his feet after his fits of laughter.

"I want to find the long lost colony of the Amazon Warrioresses," said Joey sadly.

"Joey, there are no such thing as Amazons," Seto said. "They are no more than little figments of your warped little mind."

"They are not!" Joey said. "They're really big figments!"

"I really should have expected this from you Mutt," Seto said. "You're heads about as empty as an Atkins dieter's bread box."

"Alright," Serenity said, "if my calculations are correct, which knowing that we would have a boring chapter if they were, they probably aren't, we'll find the nice, clear area after we climb that hill."

She pointed in the direction of the hill, which really wasn't that tall, but it slopped down into what Serenity guessed to be a valley.

"Yay!" Joey said, running up the hill like a maniac, upon reaching the top, he tripped, stumbled, and then began to roll down the rugged terrain of the other end of the hill, which in total was about a forty foot slope.

"JOEY!" Serenity cried, running up the hill to make sure he was alright. "Are you okay?"

"Ketchup!' Joey called from the bottom of the hill. However, he let out a cry of fright as he was picked up by his blonde hair by a pair of hands wearing leather gloves.

"ALRIGHT YOU WORTHLESS BAG OF DEAD STINKING MAGOTS!" said the very loud voice of his captor. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING HULKING YOUR LAZY CARCUSS ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF MY BOOT CAMP?"

"Boot camp?" Seto said angrily, climbing up the hill with Ryo, hopping Joey was dead, but was disappointed to hear he had indeed lived. "I thought you said this was an empty field!"

"But my magazine said so!" Serenity said, holding out her issue of _Cuz Quarterly._ Ryo took it out of her hands and flipped through it.

"Um…I have good news and bad news…" Ryo said.

"Which would be….?" Seto said darkly.

"T-the good n-news," Ryo said, shaking slightly at Seto's intimidation, "is t-that this article i-is dated for this month…"

"So what's the bad news?" Serenity asked.

"It's dated in the year 1907," Ryo said.

"So that's the reason I saw that 'Why Hoop Skirts are Completely Out' article," Serenity said.

"I hate the three of you soooo much," Seto said.

"YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION YOU IDIOTIC SCUM HOLES!" screamed what appeared to be the Drill Sergeant. He was dressed like a drill sergeant, with a huge, wide brimmed hat, sunglasses, and a pair of tall black boots. "WHAT ARE YOU FILTHY WORMS DOING ON MY LAND?"

"Sorry," Serenity said, Ryo cowering behind the two, Seto just sulking. "We just want to pass through, we won't disrupt your camp or anything."

"NEGATIVE YOU WORTHLESS TRASH!" said the sergeant. "THE ONLY WAY I'LL LET YOU THROUGH IS IF YOU AND THE OTHER TALENTLESS GRUBS CAN MAKE IT THROUGH MY OWN PERSONAL HELL!"

"What?" Seto said. "I have way too much pride in myself to join any form of military academy."

"You have no right to force us through it!" Serenity said.

"I don't like boot camp…" Ryo sobbed.

"I wanna snow cone!" Joey said.

"WELL YOU IS NOT LEAVING UNTIL I THINK YOU'RE MAN ENOUGH TO LEAVE!" screamed the sergeant.

"And if we refuse?" Serenity said.

The sergeant snapped his fingers. Suddenly, from all directions, burly soldiers in camo popped out of everywhere, all aiming machine guns at our heroes. All of them put up their hands while staring down the barrels of at least seventy guns, except Joey, who put his feet up in the air.

"SO, I SUPPOSE YOU FILTHY ANIMALS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHICH WAY IS THE SIGN UP BOOTH?" asked the sergeant.

All four of our heroes nodded. So began the next saga in this crazy epic story.

-ooo-

"Name?"

That was the next thing the four heard as they stood in line for their equipment and entrance into the boot camp. They were facing a huge, hulking woman, who was about the size of a small car. Basically, she looked like Hagrid from Harry Potter, only she shaved…a little. However, if there was anything more frightening than what they were waiting in line for, it was who was in line first.

"None of your business," Seto snapped. With that, the lady pulled out a paddle and smacked Seto in the side of the head.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" Seto yelled angrily.

"Back talk," said the woman said, promptly wicking Seto with her paddle again.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Seto yelled again.

"Yelling at me and questioning my authority," said the woman, slamming Seto with her paddle again. "Name?"

"James Oglethorp," said Seto said sarcastically. With that, he was wailed on so hard that he fell to floor in agony.

"Just in case you were wondering, that was for being a smart aleck," said the freakish man lady as Seto managed to crawl back to a standing position. "Now what's your name son?"

"Seto…Kaiba…" Seto managed to chock out. He was clobbered by the paddle again.

"Dare I ask…what that was for…" Seto said, using the desk to pull himself back up.

"I dunno," said the woman. "I just don't like you. Age?"

"Too young to die," Seto said. He got pounded again.

"I'll just assume you're over eighteen," said the lady.

"I'm not," Seto said. He got wailed again.

"I know your above eighteen," the woman said, ignoring him. "Now about your uniform. I assume you're a size…two?"

"What is with everybody calling me underweight?" Seto yelled. "EVERYONE ON THE SHOW IS UNDERWIEGHT, BUT DO THEY GIVE ME A BREAK? NO! WH-"

He got slammed again.

"Suck it up, you girly man," said the woman. "Now then, here's your uniform, and some safety pins in case it's too baggy. You're tent number is 1313, which you will be sharing with your little friends."

"ALRIGHT YOU!" Seto said, drawing himself to full height. "YOU CALL ME A GIRLY-MAN, THIN, AND YOU PUT ME IN A TENT WITH THE OTHER THREE LOSERS, HIT ME WITH A PADDLE, AND YOU EXPECT TO GET OUT ALIVE? OH NO! I SWEAR ONE DAY I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT YOUR OWN SPINAL CORD, GO TO THE NEAREST TREE NEXT TO A THRUWAY, AND HANG YOU WITH IT! YOU BETTER NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED, BECAUSE YOU, MY UGLY ENEMY, ARE D-"

Seto just got wailed again.

"I hate you all!" he yelled, snatching up his camo uniform and scattering all the safety pins on the ground. He the walked up to the door and slammed it behind him.

"That's a bathroom you fool," said the lady. Seto opened it up again, walked out, opened the door to the outside world and slammed it shut.

"Name?" she asked to the next person in line.

Joey just stared stupidly back at her.

"Name?" she asked again.

Joey still continued to stare completely stupidly at her.

"I can ask you an easier question sir," the woman said.

"I…I…" Joey began. "I CAN'T THIS ANYMORE! IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE! TOO MUCH PRESSURE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He got hit with a paddle as well.

"Carrots are vegetables!" He cried quickly.

"Name?" she asked.

"Joey Wheeler?" Joey asked.

"Good boy," said the woman, writing down his name on her clipboard.

"Candy?" Joey asked.

"Age?" the lady asked.

Joey began sweating in fear.

"Sir?"

Joey continued to sweat in fear.

"You're over eighteen too," the woman said, writing that down on her clipboard too. "Now then, here's your uniform."

She laid out a set of camo clothes in front of Joey. He just stared at it.

"Can I have them in purple?" he asked. He got slammed by her paddle.

"What was that for?" Ryo asked. He fell down with a cry of pain as the paddle was thrown at him and he got hit in the head.

"I slammed him for being a complete idiot and I whacked him for speaking out of turn," said the woman. "Do you have anything to say about it doll?"

Serenity nodded no.

"Thought so," she said as Joey struggled to his feet. "Here's your uniform. You're sleeping in tent 1313."

"I LOVE SLUMBER PARTIES!" Joey said, picking up his clothes. Then, he began to do the Happy Dance, which involved what appeared to be a combination of the chicken dance, the Macarena, and the electric slide. He was just beginning to flap his arms like a chicken and shake his but at the same time, when the lady took out another paddle from under her desk and completely wailed on Joey.

"You people are the reason I don't believe in cloning, but do believe in birth control," said the woman. "Now get out you pathetic fool."

Joey then grabbed up his clothes and charged headlong into the door. Seeing that it didn't open, he backed up and slamed his body into the door again. He was just about to do it again, but Serenity opened the door for him, and he ran out screaming.

"Alright, name?" she said, as Ryo very sincerely put the paddle she lodged into his skull back on her desk.

"R-R-Ryo Bak-k-kura," he managed to say even though he was shuddering like he had never been more cold in his life. "W-what's yours?"

"Katie," the woman said.

"That's a pretty name," Ryo said. He got slammed by her paddle.

"What was that for?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

"Harassment," said the woman.

"Harassment?" Ryo echoed. "All I said was that was a pretty name!"

Ryo got wailed by the paddle again.

"Now then, age?" the woman asked.

"Will you paddle me if I say that I'm under eighteen?" Ryo asked. For that he was paddled again.

"Don't ever suggest to say things that aren't true," said the lady. "Now then, I will rightfully assume your age is over eighteen?"

"I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE PADDLED!" Ryo sobbed in terror. For that, he was smacked with the paddle.

"Yes, you're over eighteen," said the woman. "Here's your uniform. You're bunking wi-"

Ryo began sobbing uncontrollably and running out of the room, slamming open the door and not bothering to close it. Serenity walked up to the desk.

"My name's Serenity, I'm over eighteen, and I take a size twelve," she said, cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. Katie handed over her uniform, and Serenity and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins walked quickly out of the room.

-ooo-

"I can't believe we're all in the same tent," Serenity said.

"I can't believe that there's graffiti spray painted on our tent," Seto said.

"I can't believe Tent 1313's people are called 'The Losers'," Ryo said.

"I can't feel my butt…" Joey said.

The tent itself was fairly large. It was large enough to fit four sleeping bags, plus a tiny bit of room left over for moving around.

"Well…I guess were stuck here for a while…" Serenity said. "We might as well make the best of it, right?"

"Yeah!" Ryo said. "It could be fun! We can swap stories, and roast marshmallows, and steal each other's underwear and hang it up on the flag pole-"

"That's _summer camp_ Ryo," Seto said. "This is boot camp!"

"What's the difference?" Ryo asked.

"Nothing guarantees that you get fed regularly," Seto said.

Everyone was silent for a second.

"I'm not really going to like it here, am I?" Ryo said, rolling out his sleeping bag.

"Hey, it's okay!" Joey said. "We're here, we're friends, so let's just all be happy!"

"Yeah!" Serenity said. "Even Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is in the spirit!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins had her uniform on, complete with camo pants, camo shirt, little lace up army boots, and a hat. She looked SOOOOOOOOOO cute!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Seto said. "I am not anyone's friend, okay? In fact, for all I care, you're just my enemies that somehow I got bunked in with."

"YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!" Ryo sobbed.

"I'm just going to bed," Serenity said, rolling out her sleeping bag. She then bent down to pull off her platform shoes, but the straps wouldn't unhook. She tried. She tried harder and harder and harder. She was on her back and trying to pry them off, using every ounce of force that was in all of her limbs to try to pull of the footwear of misery.

"Oh man!" she said. "I can't get these stupid platforms off! It's like they're stuck to my feet!"

"MAYBE THEY ARE!" screamed Ryo in terror.

"You are such a baby," Seto said.

Joey didn't say anything. He was already snoring.

"This is going to be a hard one to explain," Serenity said. "I wonder if it's easy to sleep in a sleeping bag with platforms. Good night guys."

"Good night Serenity!" Ryo said.

"Shut up," Seto said.

-ooo-

**THAT MORNING! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

BARBARBARRABARBARBARRABARBARBARBARRABARBARBARBAR! BARBARBARRRABARBARBARRABARBARBARRA!

Seto found himself woken up by two ways; a military trumpet blasting off and a girly scream of fright from inside the tent.

"SERENITY, SHUT UP!" he yelled. "IT'S JUST THE AIR HORN!"

"That wasn't me bone head," Serenity said, managing to crawl out of her sleeping bag. "That was Ryo."

Ryo was completely bug eyed and shivering from shock at being woken up at five AM by something so loud.

"Oh boy! School's over!" Joey said, waking up.

"This is a great way to start our first day at boot camp," said Serenity. "I can almost feel my happiness, dignity, and sanity flying out the door."

"Actually, that's Joey," Ryo said, as Joey leapt out of the tent in his Barney pajamas screaming "SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!"

-ooo-

Our heroes, after scrambling to get ready to start the day, not to mention fish Joey from the several fights he started running around in Barney Pajamas, began to line up where everyone else was scrambling to as fast as the could. It was an open field, and the all stood in a perfectly straight line shoulder to shoulder. The four (plus Ms. Fuzzy-Kins) were forced to stand next to each other, waiting for whatever horrible fate was to come their way. There was absolute silence. It was so quiet, you could here a fly die. That was, until-

"WHY'S EVERYONE SO QUIET?" Joey screamed. Serenity and Ryo hushed him quickly, Seto didn't care.

"Quiet Joey!" Serenity whispered franticly. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do!"

"BUT WE AREN'T IN ROME!" Joey screamed and Ryo and Serenity shushed him again.

"Joey, it's an expression!" Ryo said. "Please, just be quiet!"

"ORANGE IS A COLOR!" Joey said as loud as he could, just as the drill sergeant walked into the scene.

Serenity and Ryo knew Joey was about to die. The sergeant walked right up to him.

"Are you speaking out of turn?" He whispered evilly.

"Auntie Em!" Joey said. With that, the sergeant took out a huge paddle and knocked Joey out cold. He fell heavily to the ground, everyone shuddered.

"ALRIGHT YOU WORTHLESS BEASTS OF BURDEN!" said the sergeant. "AS LONG AS YOU ARE IN MY CAMP, YOU MUST NEVER, EVER, EVER QUESTION MY ATHORITY! IN METAPHORICAL TERMS, I AM GOD! I AM THE ONE WHO HOLDS YOUR PATHETIC LIVES! BUT YOU MAY CALL ME….Bob."

"That's a nice name," Ryo said.

"WHO'S THE DEAD FOOL WHO SAID THAT?" Bob asked. Everyone took a step backward, leaving Ryo out in the open.

"What is it with people whenever I try to do something nice?" Ryo asked himself.

"ALRIGHT NEW SQUID," Bob said. "HERE IN THIS BOOT CAMP, WE HAVE A RULE! NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! ALWAYS! SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME FREE ADVICE! NEVER BE NICE!"

"Thank you!" Ryo said.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAY YOU PUNNY, GIRLY, FILTHY, ROTTEN, STUPID, SMELLY, WORTHLESS, ANNOYING BAG OF MAGGOT'S FILTH?" asked Bob.

"You're bruising my already dangerously low self-esteem!" Ryo sobbed.

"BY THE WAY, GIRLY BOY," said Bob. "WE HAVE A DRESS CODE AROUND HERE, AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HAIR! SAY HELLO TO MR. BUZZY!"

"Hello Mr. Buzzy!" Ryo said with a smile. "Who's Mr. Buzzy? Is he a friend of yours? Oh, I'd love to meet him!"

With that, Bob pulled out a huge, hand-held buzz shaver. With that, he pressed a big, red button on its side, and it began to vibrate and make a very loud, very threatening buzzing sound.

"HOLD ABSOLUTLY STILL!" he said, "IF YOU DO, YOU MAY COME OUT OF THIS CREW CUT ALIVE!"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ryo screamed, running away from Bob and the rest of the line. So began the very long and very painful training of our heroes.

However, most develop their own individual problem at said boot camp. First came Seto, with his whole problem with establishment.

"KAIBA, YOU WORTHLESS BAG OF DUNG!" screamed Bob in his ear a little while after the whole 'crew cut' incident. "WHY AREN'T YOU RUNNING THE OBSTICAL COURSE LIKE THE OTHER GRUNTS? DO I HAVE TO FORCE YOU TO DO SUCH?"

The obstacle course wasn't really that exciting. It consisted of having someone run through tires, jumping over a sand pit, climbing a wall, and that's it.

"I'm afraid you do," Seto said. "I believe neither in war nor doing mindless athletic skills to heighten one's physical power. It bores me, annoys me, and overall doesn't capture my attention."

"RUN THAT OBSTICAL COURSE NOW, OR I'LL BREAK BOTH YOUR ARMS AND COMMAND THE LOYAL MEMBERS OF THIS CAMP TO TRAMPLE YOUR BONES TO DUST!" Bob demanded at the top of his lungs.

"You can't make me!" Seto snarled.

"I SO CAN!" said Bob. "I AM YOUR SUPIRIOR! WHEN YOU HEAR A COMMAND FROM ME, YOU MUST DO IT INSTANTLY! INSTANTLY I SAY! I CAN, BECAUSE I'M BIGGER THAN YOU! DO YOU HERE ME? I'M BIGGER THAN YOU, I'M BETTER THAN YOU, SO YOU BETTER DO WHAT-"

As Bob continued to yell his head off at Seto, Seto's memory was provoked. This reminded him so much of all the bullies who bugged him after his parents died. They were large, they were stupid, and they wouldn't shut up. Having to protect himself, as well as his little brother, from such utter nonsense, remembering these past events arouse a feeling in Seto toward Bob…**_BLIND, UNRELENTING, RAW FURRY!_**

"-SO THEN SKINNEY MORON!" screamed Bob. "HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH? ARE YOU GOING TO RUN THIS OBSTICAL COURSE? BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU AND I HAVE A PROBLEM! AND WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT SON?"

Seto didn't say a word for a second. Then, he simply closed his eyes, exhaled, counted to ten-

-and punched Bob so hard, he flew through the air for ten feet, and buried himself in the ground. Needless to say, they really weren't on even terms.

Ryo had a completely different problem. His problem was simply that he lacked the basic killing instinct. Without inbreed cruelty, he was getting nowhere in boot camp.

"BAKURA, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BOOB!" Bob said, sneaking up on Ryo, who was currently in the lone tiger yoga position, and then screamed in fright at being yelled in the ear. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THAT CAN BE CALLED EVEN REMOTLY PRODUCTIVE TODAY?"

"Are you kidding?" Ryo said. "I've done a smart lot of productive stuff! I finally mastered two new yoga positions, I've read four chapters in All American Girl, and I perfected my home made and environmentally safe weed killer formula! The secret ingredient, it turns out, is Joey's-"

"YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTLY NOTHING WORTHWHILE YOU FREAK!" said Bob. "APPARENTLY I NEED TO SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE SO YOU WON'T BE A COMPLETE LOSER DORK! NOW THEN, WE'LL START YOU OFF WITH SOMEHTING EASY…"

Bob looked all around for the perfect thing for Ryo to do. He looked, and on a nearby tree, he saw a pretty little butterfly opening and closing its wings.

"ALRIGHT BAKURA!" Bob said. "YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT! I WANT YOU TO KILL THAT-"

"Oh, blimey!' Ryo said. "Do my eyes deceive me? A rare North American Eastern Swallowtail Zebra Butterfly! Oh, isn't she absolutely gorgeous?"

With that, he reached into the back pocket of his camo pants and pulled out a digital camera.

"Now hold still you beautiful little creature!" he said, adjusting the lens on his camera. "You'll look absolutely fabulous in my digital scrapboo-AAAAAHHHH!"

Before he could say another word, Bob whipped out a huge bazooka gun and incinerated the entire tree with a huge, echoing BANG! What was left of the butterfly, or the entire tree for that matter, was a black, smoldering crater and a charred up stump that was still smoking.

"You…heartless brute…" Ryo managed to choke between tears.

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins problem at boot camp was very simple. She was a plush toy.

"FUZZY-KINS, YOU WIMPY, WORTHLESS CREATURE!" screamed Bob, who was glaring right into Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's little button eyes. "WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? I CANNOT TOLERATE USELESS SLACKERS THAT ARE MENT TO BREATH MY AIR AND OCCUPY MY TURF!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins stared right back at Bob, not saying a single word.

"ANSWER ME NOW YOU IDIOTIC EXCUSE FOR A….THING!" yelled Bob. Ms. Fuzzy-Kins did absolutely nothing.

"ARE YOU DEFYING ME?" said Bob. "AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GET UGLY?"

Due partially to gravity, partially to karma, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's head slipped down just a little bit, making it look like she was nodding coolly.

"ALRIGHT THEN, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" said Bob. "FIFTY PUSH UPS! **NOW!**"

Gravity/karma kicked in again, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins fell right down on her plush stomach, not doing a single thing more.

"OH, I SEE!" said Bob. "YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT HUH? WELL YOU CAN JUST SIT THERE ALL DAY, BECAUSE NO ONE IS COMING TO GET YOU! D'YOU HEARS ME? NO OOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEE!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins continued to sit there.

Last came Serenity, who, no matter what she did, never pleased Bob.

"SERENITY YOU GIRLY WHIMP!" said Bob. Serenity wasn't really offended.

"WHY DO MY INSULTS NOT WORK ON GIRLS?" he asked. "ALRIGHT GIRL! WHY ARE YOU WEARING A CAMO DRESS INSTEAD OF PANTS LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO?"

"Uh…my platforms are stuck to my feet…" Serenity said, knowing that the truth was ten times stupider than any lie she can think up.

"THAT'S PATHETIC!" yelled Bob. "FIFTY PUSH UPS NOW!"

"Great," Serenity said, starting her fourth set of push ups just this morning.

"You…too?" Ryo managed to choke next to Serenity, who was doing his ninth set of push ups this morning. Out of complete exhaustion, Ryo collapsed on the ground.

"BAKURA!" Bob screamed. "COLLAPSING ISN'T ALLOWED IN MY BOOT CAMP! FIFTY MORE PUSH UPS!"

Ryo burst into tears.

Ironically, instead of completely failing like the others, Joey actually excelled under the command of Sgt. Bob.

"WHEELER, DESTROY THAT TREE!" said Bob.

"Yay!" Joey said, using his bazooka gun that he got to blow up a tree.

"WHEELER, DESTROY THAT ROCK!" said Bob.

"Yay!" Joey said, using it to incinerate a rock.

"WHEELER, DESTROY THAT INNOCENT PLASTIC ZIPLOC CONTAINER!" commanded Bob.

"Yay!" Joey said, doing just that.

"DARN IT JOEY!" said Bob. "YOU ARE THE BEST SOLDIER IN THIS ENITRE FLIPPING CAMP! CONGRATULATIONS!"

"Really?" Joey said, tears in his eyes, never hearing the words 'congratulations' in his entire life.

"YOU BET!" said Bob.

Joey burst into tears, overwhelmed with joy of the moment.

"AS YOUR REWARD," Bob said. "YOU GET TO SIT AT THE COOL TABLE AT DINNER TONIGHT, AND YOU GET TO EAT THE ACTUALLY EDIBLE FOOD!"

"FOOD! YAY!" Joey said.

And what of Serenity, Ryo, and Seto do you ask?

-ooo-

"Potato peeling?" Seto asked. "Oh, come on! That is so cliché!"

The three were indeed sitting in the middle of a huge mountain of Golden Idaho potatoes, and each one was peeling them with little knives they got. After the hardships they had weathered that day, all of them were thoroughly miserable peeling away.

"I've never felt so…disciplined…" Ryo said tears rolling down his eyes.

"Oh Ryo…its okay…" Serenity said.

"No, it's not that…" Ryo said. "It's just…the potatoes! THEY LOOK SO SA-AD! WAAAAAHHHHH!"

"YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME BOB!" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs. "YOU WON'T! YOU WON'T! **YOU WON'T! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHH!"**

Ryo and Serenity both stared at Seto in shock.

"Um, sorry," Seto said. "Pent up emotions."

"Ee-yah," Serenity said. "I wonder what Joey's doing right now?"

-ooo-

Joey, in celebration at finding his own place at the cool table of the boot camp with the other idiots, was doing the most heinous, dirty ritual a man can perform…THE MOOSE DANCE!

The moose dance is just like a car wreck. Any sane and dignified person wants to turn away from the horror, but it is to no avail. You just can't. The moose dance consisted of putting your hands over your ears to make it look like horns. Then, you get up on a table and spin around singing the following lyrics.

_I'm a moose, I'm a moose,  
__I am into Dr. Seuss  
__My white shirt's white, my blue jean's blue  
__My jacket is chartreuse_

_I'm a moose, I'm a moose  
__A two card is called a deuce  
__In the summer I wear flip flops  
__In the winter I wear boots._

_I'm a moose, I'm a moose  
__I'm related to a goose  
__Now, come and see what happens  
__When my leather belt gets loose, OIY!_

With that, Joey pulled off his leather belt in one move, and his pants fell down as everyone got a glimpse of his 'Hello Kitty' underwear.

-ooo-

"I'm sure he's happier than us!" Seto said. "He's eating at the cool table!"

"Seto, have you heard the term 'ignorance is bliss'?" Serenity asked.

"Good point," Seto said.

"He's eating at the cool table?" Ryo asked in shock. "I don't get it! What does he have that the rest of us don't have?"

"A negative IQ?" Seto said. "No taste in clothes? A stupid New York accent? Blonde hair? In your case, skin pigments?"

"ALRIGHT YOU PATHETIC LOSERS!" said Bob, walking into the kitchen. "IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET IN YOUR BUNKS!"

"No dinner?" Ryo asked.

Bob laughed like he heard the funniest joke in the world, and continued to as he walked right out of the kitchen, the door swinging closed behind him, still swinging back and forth a few times more. Ryo then looked down at the potato he finished peeling. He took a bite out of it, and then had a look of being terribly repulsed. He tried to fight it away.

"Oh my," he said, trying to hide his pain and disgust. "That's…good fiber."

"Come on Ryo," Serenity said in depression as she picked herself up, as did Seto as they headed back to their tent.

As she walked out of the mess hall with the other two, her eyes were down cast at the misery of her current location. She then, having her eyes downcast, saw Ms. Fuzzy-Kins lying on the ground, looking sad in a cute, plushy sort of way.

"Hard day, huh Miss?" said Serenity, picking up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and taking her back to the tent.

-ooo-

"Hey," Joey said to the other three, who were all lying exhausted in their sleeping bags. "How come youz guys weren't at dinner?"

"We were peeling innocent potatoes," Ryo said. "And Serenity kept beating people up."

"Well what was I supposed to do?" Serenity cried. "This place is full of men who haven't seen a woman in God knows how long! I had six people whistle at me today, and one of them was in his underwear!"

"He's not lying face down in a ditch somewhere, is he?" Ryo asked in panic.

"No, just by his underwear on a fence post," said Serenity. "Well, I think its safe enough to use the shower…"

"That's the only redeeming quality of this place," Seto said. "It has clean bathrooms."

"Clean bathroom!" Serenity said angrily. "And it happens to be the men's room!"

"I love bathrooms…" Joey said.

"Well…see you in a bit," Serenity said, walking out of the tent.

There was silence for a second. Without Serenity around as peacekeeper, the other three plus Ms. Fuzzy-Kins didn't know what to make of each other.

"So…uh…" Ryo said. "What do you want to do?"

"Go to sleep, and hopefully die before I wake," Seto said.

"Wash my underwear!" Joey said.

"With a pair on?" Ryo asked.

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"Never mind," Ryo said. "I'm just going to knit oven mitts for underprivileged telemarketers in a secluded spot where nothing natural or man made can force me into a painful, long, agonizing death. G'bye!"

With that, whistling 'Old Mac Donald Had a Farm', Ryo walked outside and into the night.

"Well, it looks like it's you and me tooth fairy!" Joey said. "TIME TO WASH MY UNDERWEAR!"

"Good night, and I take back the good," Seto said.

"JOEY WHEELER!" screamed Bob, walking into Joey's tent. "GET INTO MY OFFICE NOW!'

-ooo-

Whoops! Looks like Joey's really in for it this time!

Ah, truth be told, I really don't think this is my favorite chapter. The next one should be really good though! We've got the best plot. A plot so sinister, a plot so horrifying, a plot so terrifically bad that it will actually force Joey and Seto TO WORK TOGETHER!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay…I'll stop.

No people, I do not own 'Old Mac Donald Had a Farm' or anything that involves Barney or Tim Allen or the Revered Al Sharpton. However, I own full legal entitlement of 'The Moose Dance', and ripping me off will land you up to twenty years in jail with a 30,000 fine.

Ha! Not really, but still. The law won't punish you, but your conscious will.

Anyway…anything else? Nothing but the usual. Questions/comments/death threats? Review me!

Okay, next chapter, chop chop!

-ooo-

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Serenity, throwing open the flap to the tent and screaming at the top of her lungs, dripping wet and wearing nothing but her towel and platforms.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Seto screamed, for obvious reasons.

"Oh Seto, it was absolutely horrible!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Seto said, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to the other side of the room.

"I was just getting out of the shower, I had put on a towel, and this psycho came out of nowhere and grabbed my ANKLES!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not reading The Da Vinchi Code!" Seto said, putting the book under his sleeping bag.

"It was like he wanted to tear off my own feet!" Serenity said. "He was a complete freak, and I kicked him in the ribs to get him off me, and he flew through six straight walls and landed who-knows-where, but it was traumatizing just the same!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO KELLY CLARKSON ON A PINK BOOM BOX WITH PRETTY FLOWERS!" Seto said, tearing up the boom box and hurling it out the exit.

-ooo-

I'll see you next week…mua ha ha ha ha!


	8. If I Only Had A Maniac

STACIE'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON! SHE'S ALL I WANT AND BEEN WAITIN' FOR SO LONG! STACIE CAN'T YOU SEE, YOU'RE JUST NOT THERE FOR-

Eh…sorry.

Oh my dancing jellybeans! If there's anything as wonderfully funny as my story, it's the super nice people that review it! Here they are!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Oh wow! 'Funnier than two funny things on funny pills running around and doing funny stuff'. That, my friend, is pure poetry.

Seto's status wealth wise is going to come later in the story. Also, you must realize that Bob is a boot camp drill sergeant, not a brain surgean. If someone doesn't do what he tells them to, there's going to be problems. As for the guy who gets slammed by Serenity…you're going to be pretty surprised who the main suspect is...

I absolutely love The Princess Diaries! I can't wait to see how it comes out, and I think it's really sweet if you want to give me credit for Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

Now enjoy something that's just as funny as the said funny things!

KaiMai (formally known as Mifurey)

Awww…that's so sweet…well, I try to be hilarious. Cause if I didn't this would be a _really_ bad parody.

Ah, yes. What's a good story without bobble heads? I mean really. It's a nessesity.

Snick, if you thought Kelly Clarkson was funny, wait until you see what's up next. Poor Seto indeed. He has the misfortune of being written about in this story.

Cake Is Not For Throwing

That is an _awesome _pen name.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! This chapter is going to be pretty good, especially if you have a sick obsession with the Weather Channel. I'm glad you read the Wizard of Domino High. Yay!

I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

TwinSanity (formally known as Meant2Live)

Hi guys! Great to see you!

JESSELDA SHOWED ENTHUSIASM(ish)! WOO HOO!

Actually, the idea for the 'you people are the reason I don't believe in cloning, but do believe in birth control' came from a teacher who was so completely angered by a stupid boy in class, she said thus.

Oh, thank you Mani! I'm glad you like this story as much as Mena, Toli, and Jesselda! I superly can't wait for the next chapter of _you're_ story! I too shall remain vigilant at the family computer, as long as my Dad doesn't wan to play NHL Hockey and I'm not at school.

Mokuba's Official Glomper

So _that's_ why I got so many angry phone calls from Canada…

The beaver dance? AWESOME! How do you do it anyway? Do you have cool lyrics that you put it too?

You're review was hilarious! I couldn't find you when I did a search on your name, but if I see a story written by you, I'll jump right to it! Now enjoy another epic chapter of the nut, the Kaiba, the British baka, the Serenity, and the plushie!

Chexfan2000

Yay! I'm glad you can't stop laughing! We all need a red brick road that leads to Target!

And so here's the next freaky incident at boot camp. So without further ado…

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

If I Only Had a Maniac

"Stacie's mom has got it going on, she's all I want and been waitin' for so long-" Serenity sang in the makeshift shower, getting herself clean before the rush of the day. She was thankful for two things. One was that the showers were separate from the men's room with locks, and the other was that no one at boot camp took a shower.

"Stacie, do you remember when I cut you're lawn?" Serenity continued to sing. "Your mom came out with just a-what the crud? NO CONDITIONER? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?"

She sighed, then turned the hot water off. After wringing out her hair, she quickly wrapped a fuzzy, white towel around her body. Continuing to hum the rest of 'Stacie's Mom Has Got it Going On', she walked unlocked the shower stall and walked out, admiring how sparkly pretty her platforms were now that they were clean.

Of course, the second she did, her song ran out. Now what was she going to sing?

"KAAAAAARMAAA POOOOOLIIICE, ARREST THIS MAN, TALKS IN RANTS, HE BUZZES LIKE A FRIDGE, IS LIKE A-**YEEEEEEEEEKKKK!**"

**To Serenity's shock and-**

Whoops, sorry, forgot to turn off the bold.

To Serenity's shock and horror, something pounced out of the shadows. Bellowing and screaming, he soared through the air and-

Wow, this is way to exciting, so to annoy you, lets switch the scene, shall we?

-ooo-

**EARLIER WITH JOEY! WoOoOoOoOoO!**

"FOR A MINUTE THERE, I LOST MYSELF, I LOST MYSEEEEEEEELL-EEELLLLFF. FEW FOR A MINUTE THERE, I LOST MYSELF, I LOST MYSEEEEELL-EEEE-"

"WHEEELER!' Bob yelled. "WHY ARE YOU SINGING 'KARMA POLICE WHEN I AM JUST ABOUT TO PROMOTE YOU TO A HIGHER TENT, GIVE YOU BETTER FOOD, MORE PRIVILAGES, AND GET OFF YOUR SORRY BACK WHEN YOU'RE GOING THROUGH TRAINING?"

"Sorry cap," Joey said. "So why did you call me here again?"

"YOU REALLY HAVE NO BRAINS AT ALL, DO YOU ANIMAL BOY?" Bob.

"Radiohead?" Joey asked.

"GOOD BOY!" Bob said. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE IN A LAD, THE BULB COMPLETELY BURNT TO A CRISP, BUT STILL IN THE SOCKET."

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT SON," said Bob.

"Oh, good," Joey said. "I thought you were insulting me!"

"GO BACK TO THE SORRY LOSERS YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS SON," said Bob. "YOU GET YOUR NEW TENT TOMMOROW!"

"Nobody talks about my tent like that!" Joey said.

"I WASN'T CALLING YOUR TENT STUPID STUPID," said Bob. "I WAS CALLING YOUR FRIENDS STUPID!"

"Even…Serenity?" Joey said, with tears in his eyes.

"NO, SHE'S A GIRL!" Bob said. "I CAN'T INSULT GIRLS, BECAUSE I INSULT FULL GROWN MEN BY CALLING THEM GIRLS!"

"So she's okay?" Joey asked.

"Something like that…" the Sergeant said.

"Whoa, rad!" Joey said, pointing to a mounted display over the sergeant's desk. "Those are some wicked awesome butt scratchers!"

"THOSE AREN'T BUTT SCRATCHERS YOU FOOLISH FOOL!" said Bob. "THOSE ARE MY PERSONAL COLLECTION OF WEAPONS OF WAR! I CALL THIS ONE…_THE POINTY THING! _AND THAT ONE'S THE SHARPY SWINGING THING! AND THIS IS THE POINTY SHARPY SWINGY THINGY! AND THAT ONE…I JUST CALL…Serefina. JOEY YOU IDIOT, PUT THAT DOWN!"

"AWESOME!" Joey said, with a huge ax in his hands that he pulled off the display. "I'm a lumberjack! TIMBER!"

With that, Joey swung the ax wildly around and, by accident, let it swing out of his control and hack Bob's desk in half, sending a bunch of papers, along with his custom Beanie Baby collection, spraying all over the place.

"Son, go home…" said Bob.

"Okay! Bye Davy!" Joey said.

"IT'S BOB!" Bob yelled.

"That too!" Joey said, skipping out of the office, walking right through the solid oak wood door. As he skipped back to his tent, he continued to sing.

"KAAAAAARMAAA POOOOOLIIICE, ARREST THIS MAN, TALKS IN RANTS, HE BUZZES LIKE A FRIDGE, IS LIKE A-OWWW!" Joey said. He had not paid attention to where he was going, and he ran into the judges of American Idol.

"Wow!" Paula said. "That boy…had such vocal talent…"

"I can't believe it, but I thought he was actually somewhat mediocre," said Simon, which of course, in human terms (and compared to the chum's worth of the current contestants), meant that Joey was out of this world. However, he ran over Randy, whose unconscious body lay under Joey.

"He could have totally won on American Idol," Paula said. "Oh well! Let's just leave him here to die!"

"We get to leave Randy here to die?" Simon asked excitedly.

"NO!" Paula said angrily. "The blonde one!"

"Darn," Simon said.

"What's wrong with you?" Paula screamed. "Can't you ever just be nice to people? One complement? One reason for people to believe you're not a robot pre-made to crush people's spirits?"

"I'm a lot better off than you!" Simon said. "At least I don't act like a cutsie bubble head. I bet if a person came in and threatened to kidnap you, you would just smile and complement him on his aggressive entertainment."

"I HATE YOU SIMON!" she screamed.

"I HATE YOU MORE!" Simon screamed back.

There was three seconds of silence.

"I LOVE YOU!" Paula screamed.

"NOT AS MUCH AS I, YOU!" screamed Simon, passionately embrace Paula.

-ooo-

Speaking of American Idol…

"_-Be-cause of you, never stray to far from the sidewalk. Be-cause of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Be-cause of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of yo-o-oo-o-ou, I am afraid-"_

Seto had tears in his eyes from the lyrics as he listened to the pink boom box with cute little flowers on it. He was cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in one arm, and had The DaVinchi Code propped up in his lap in the other.

"You know what?" he said the Ms. Fuzzy Kins. "This one…it's always been my favorite…"

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Serenity, throwing open the flap to the tent and screaming at the top of her lungs, dripping wet and wearing nothing but her towel and platforms.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Seto screamed, for obvious reasons.

"Oh Seto, it was absolutely horrible!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Seto said, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to the other side of the room.

"I was just getting out of the shower, I had put on a towel, and this psycho came out of nowhere and grabbed my ANKLES!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not reading The DaVinchi Code!" Seto said, putting the book under his sleeping bag.

"It was like he wanted to tear off my own feet!" Serenity said. "He was a complete freak, and I kicked him in the ribs to get him off me, and he flew through six straight walls and landed who-knows-where, but it was traumatizing just the same!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO KELLY CLARKSON ON A PINK BOOM BOX WITH PRETTY FLOWERS!" Seto said, tearing up the boom box and hurling it out the exit.

-ooo-

"My Gosh," Simon said, dragging Randy's unconscious body away from the camp. "This twit's getting to be pretty heavy…"

"I know!" Paula said. "He really needs to cut back on the-"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a pink boom box with pretty flowers on it hurled through the air. It nailed Paula, and she fell with a thud to the ground, knocked out as well.

"Yay!" Simon said happily, as the boom box played on in the background. "Oh boy! Kelly Clarkson!"

-ooo-

"It was absolutely terrible!" Serenity said. "The guy was a weenie, but still, who would be enough of a psycho to tear off someone's feet? Oh, sorry, did you say something?"

"Uh…" Seto said. "No?"

"Oh, okay," Serenity said.

"Ow…" Joey said, clutching his head. "That hurt…"

"What happened to you Joe?" Serenity said. "Tried to think again?"

"No way, I gave that up years ago!" Joey said. "Bob gave me a new tent and better food and-"

"Wait!" Seto said. "You were with Bob? HE PROMOTED YOU?"

"Yup!" Joey said.

"I can't believe it…" Seto said.

"Hey Serenity!" Joey asked. "Why are you wearing a towel?"

"I got attacked by a psycho!" she cried.

"Oh man!" Joey said. "Who did it?"

"I don't know," Serenity said. "He had a ski mask on, so I couldn't see his face. Though I must say, he was a bit wimpy…"

"Alright," Seto said. "Who in this camp is a bit wimpy, and would show up with hurt ribs?"

"Oh, my ribs," Ryo said, walking at the worst possible time into the tent, rubbing his side in pain. "Serenity, do you have a baseball bat I could borrow? Tomorrow, I have a little…er…night business to attend to."

Everyone looked at Ryo in shock.

"Something wrong?" Ryo asked. "Oh no, Joey didn't forget how to breath, did he?"

"Ryo, what were you doing tonight?" Serenity asked.

"Um…nothing…" Ryo said uneasily, sweating a bit

"Nothing huh?" Seto said. "Nothing _wrong_ now? Nothing _bad_? Nothing _rule breaking_?"

"YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT!" Ryo said in panic. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, BUT YOU BETTER STOP! I'm going to bed, nighty poo!

With that, he crawled into his sleeping bag, zipping it all the way, so he was completely hidden.

"Joey, Serenity, may I see you outside?" Seto said, yanking them out of the tent.

"Seto!" Serenity cried. "What's wrong with you?"

"Ryo did it!" Seto said.

"Really?" Joey asked stupidly.

"Don't be such a moron!" Serenity said. "We don't have any proof! People get hurt ribs all the time!"

"Then why did he want a baseball bat?" Seto said.

"He probably wants to bone up on how to repel baseball sized hailstones," Serenity said. "Huh. Now that I think about it, that sounds like something Ryo would do."

"I'm not convinced…" Seto said.

"Since when do you care?" Serenity said.

"Oh, I don't care about your safety and well being," Seto said. "I'd just like to have a good reason to wail on someone."

"OH MY GOSH!" Joey cried. "I JUST REALIZED IT! RYO'S THE PSYCHO!"

Serenity and Seto sweat dropped.

"DON'T WORRY SERENITY!" Joey said. "I WON'T LET THAT PSYCHO FREAK HURT YOU! I'LL STOP HIM!"

"Well, I guess we'll have to stalk him tomorrow night," Seto said. "Joey, I'm going to kill myself for saying this, I'll need you to meet me by the Sergeant's office after meals."

"So I can help you?" Joey said.

"So I can use you as a human shield if things get ugly," Seto said.

"YAY!" Joey said.

"Serenity, that goes the same for you," Seto said.

"Oooooh no," Serenity said. "I am not going to take part in another attempt to get yourselves killed. Or horribly mangled. Or something like that! Besides, I can take care of myself, and I trust Ryo."

"Fine, I'll send flowers," Seto said.

"Heartless freak," Serenity said, walking back into the tent.

"FRIEND OF AN IDIOT!" Seto accused.

"MAYONAISE!" Joey added.

-ooo-

**THE NEXT NIGHT! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

It had been the usual day. Serenity, Seto, and Ryo broke their back, Joey got off easy. BORING! So I'll skip to the good part.

It was just after dinner, and Seto was waiting by Bob's office for Joey to show. Joey did, and to try to look really, cool, he hummed the theme to 'Mission Impossible' jumping from hiding place to hiding place, giggling like a moron. He jumped first from behind a tree, then into a bush, then he tiptoed behind a tent that was right next to Seto.

"You aren't cool Mutt," Seto said.

"Psst! Tooth fairy!" Joey whispered. "I'm over here!"

Seto sighed, still wondering how the Mutt stayed so long in this story. Then, he saw a sight that made him cringe. Walking right the way he was standing was-

"Ryo!" he whispered to himself in fright, dive bombing to where Joey was hiding. At that moment, Ryo passed right by the tent, not even noticing the two.

"Finally, some alone time," he said. "Now, I can get it all done in my secret hideout."

_Probably some kind of villainous psycho plot to kill Serenity, _Seto thought.

_Wow, my hands smell like wood shavings! _thought Joey.

Ryo continued to walk down the path, unknowing that two fools were stalking him as he walked on. He continued to walk until he came to the outskirts of the camp, to a place filled with old, abandoned warehouses. He stopped in front of one particularly old one, so old that the door was actually missing.

"HA!" said triumphantly to himself. "To the untrained eye, this place looks like an old, abandoned warehouse…BECAUSE IT IS AN OLD, ABANDONED WAREHOUSE! MUA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

With that, he walked right in, still laughing triumphantly, almost evilly. Seto quickly snuck in and hid behind some old abandoned crates. Joey, being not nearly as smart, ran headfirst into the wall outside the doorway.

"What was that?" Ryo asked, turning around to see a Joey-shaped hole in the wall. "It looks like…SOME KIND OF FORIEN RODENT! EEEEEEKKK! BETTER REFILL THE TRAPS!"

Thankfully, Ryo didn't see Joey, because Seto yanked him behind the crates so he wouldn't get his cover blown.

"Alright!" Ryo said, turning on the light above his head, to shed light on the horrible, evil, torturously designed room!

It was completely painted purple with cutsie-pink flower wall paper, featuring pictures of puppies, kittens, and horses pasted to the wall. There was also a pink computer and a Spongebob Squarepants television set.

"YES! MUA HA HA HA HA!" Ryo said. "First and foremost, it's time to check out the scores!"

"Ryo watches football?" Seto whispered to himself.

With that, Ryo quickly turned on the TV and changed it to channel 35.

"Storm Stories, tonight at eight, only on the Weather Channel," said the announcer. "And now, here's your local on the eights."

"OH YEAH! DEW POINT OF 64 DEGREES!" Ryo said. "I'm going to win ten bucks on my online fantasy weather team! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!"

"What is wrong with this kid?" Seto whispered.

"I don't want to be a chicken!" Joey whispered back.

"Woo! That's enough weather for today!" Ryo said to himself, sitting down in his beanbag chair. "Now, I can watch my bad boy show!"

"Well, this will be interesting," Seto whispered.

"What kind of bad boy show?" Joey asked.

"Joey, this is primetime television!" Seto said. "The possibilities are limitless!"

Ryo clicked to a different channel.

"Previously on 'American Dreams'," the announcer said.

"HECK YA!" Ryo said. "PATTY, YOU ARE MY GIIIIIIIRL! OH YEAH! OH YEAH, DUMP THAT SUCKER MEG! DUMP HIIIIIIIIIIIMMMM!"

-ooo-

_Spongebob narrator voice: One hour latter…_

"HOW DARE YOU!" Ryo cried. "HOW DARE YOU BEAT UP JAY JAY LIKE THAT! YOU'RE COPS! IT'S YOUR JOB TO PROTECT THE COMMON MAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS _HOW COULD YOU BE THIS CRUEL AND NOT POST ANY NEW EPISODES UNTIL MARCH!"_

_I think my brains are going to leek out of my skull…_thought Seto.

"Whew, enough of that," Ryo said, changing the channel to channel four. "Now, it's time to watch my special, not to mention incredibly naughty DVD…"

_That girly soap opera must have been a warm up! _Seto thought _Now, Ryo's going to watch…oh, I don't want to think about it!"_

"Now it is time…" Ryo said, taking out his DVD. "FOR FRUITS BASKET! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Seto Anime fell on the ground, as Ryo began to get up and sing along with the theme song.

-ooo-

_Spongebob narrator voice: Forty-four minutes latter_

"YOU ROCK TOHRU!" said Ryo, popping the DVD out of the player and popping it back in the case. "You're just as cool as Beth…"

"Hana's pretty…" Joey whispered to Seto.

Seto wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

"HA! THOSE FIRST THREE ANTICS WERE JUST WARM UPS!" Ryo cried triumphantly. "AT LAST! NOW, I CAN TRULY COMMIT THE HANOUS AND CRIMINAL ACTS I HAVE BEEN PLANNING!"

Seto and Joey looked on in shock, almost horror, on how completely evil Ryo sounded.

"You don't think that's…your assailant, do you?" Joey asked.

"Joey, you don't think period," Seto said. "But…it's possible."

"AND NOW, USING THE POWER OF THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, I WILL TRAP INNOCENT SOULS FOREVER IN THE NEVERENDING SPIRAL OF FALSE HOPE THAT THEY CAN BEAT ME!" Ryo said, logging onto the web. "AH YES! THE GAME OF DRAGONS! THE GAME OF DEATH! THE GAME THAT WRENCHES THE HUMAN SOUL STRAIGHT FROM THEIR HUSKED CARCASSES!"

Both Seto and Joey held their breath in shock.

"THE GAME…OF...**_INTERNET CANDY LAND!_**"

Joey gasped in horror as Ryo cackled manically and Seto Anime fell once again.

"HA! YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME CALIQUEENBRG?" said Ryo evilly, madly typing on the computer. "YOU'RE FOOLISH! YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT ME! NEVEEEEEEEEEEERR!"

-ooo-

**IN THE ABODE OF SHRILANKA-SAN! WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

"DARN IT!" Shrilanka-San yelled as once again, madly pounding her fist at the table that held the computer as she was defeated at Internet Candy Land by an unknown someone after updating her story. She was so mad, she flew out of her chair and screamed to the open ceiling.

"WHO ARE YOU GIGGLEBERRYPIE13842?" she screamed. "ONE DAY I WILL FIND OUT! AND WHEN I DO, I SHALL FINALLY DEFEAT YOU! ONE DAY!"

-ooo-

_Spongebob narrator voice: Several hours latter…_

Seto was sound asleep out of pure boredom after watching several painfully boring rounds of Ryo defeating all who tried to challenge him at internet Candy Land. He had been sleeping for an unknown period of time. He was awakened by Joey screaming at the top of his lungs in pure pain.

"OWWIE OWIE OWIE!" Joey screamed, running around the warehouse with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, and a giant mouse trap caught on it.

"JOEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A MOUSE TRAP CAUGHT ON YOUR TONGUE?" Seto snarled angrily.

"I dust wanded da teese," Joey said in pain as he went back to Seto. With one swipe, Seto tore off the mouse trap.

"OWWW!" Joey cried, gripping his tongue in pain.

"Well, this entire night was a complete waste!" Seto snarled. "All we know now is that Ryo has a sick obsession with soap operas, Shoujo Anime, and things that are just plain sad!"

"Where is he?" Joey asked, looking around the warehouse. Ryo was, indeed, gone.

"Probably went off to make health bars and sell them," Seto said.

"Why doya think that tooth fairy?" Joey asked.

"The ten pound bag of raw granola gave it away," Seto said, pointing to a huge sack on the floor. "And don't call me that!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Suddenly, outside in the slight distance, Serenity was heard screaming at the top of her lungs. The psycho struck again!

"SERENITY!" Joey cried in horror. "HANG ON SERENITY! HAAAAAIIIIIIIM COMMIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

With that, Joey ran straight through the wall, creating another Joey-shaped hole in the middle of it. Seto followed along, though not as in a blind hurry, and not through the wall.

-ooo-

Oh my goodness! I didn't think this section was going to take so long! I bet I have all of you bored out of your skulls!

Oh well, hopefully the next episode of all this hysteria will be a lot shorter. Of course, this is me were talking about, with my freak, psycho authoress whims.

Anyway, I felt really bad for slamming Ryo just because he liked things that weren't exactly 'masculine'. However, I am a true feminist, as a teacher of mine once put, and I believe just as much as a girl has the right not to be a makeup wearing bubblehead, a boy doesn't have to be a rough and tumble jerkazoid freek.

And even though I doubt he has a 'fantasy weather team', I bet the real fictional Ryo would probably prefer to be home with a good book than go out and kill something with Joey and the others.

To prove my point, I did two things. One was slamming Seto for the exact same thing he was accusing, and the other thing you'll see later.

Alright, next chapter!

-ooo-

"Okay," Serenity said. "We can't panic. This is probably just one, big, misunderstanding."

"How can it be a misunderstanding?" Seto said. "It's in black and white! Ryo wants to kill you!"

"Only five minutes ago you were calling him a girly man!" Serenity said.

"I bet he knew we were stalking him, and acted out the whole thing just to throw us off!" Seto said.

"I BET HE'S NOT EVEN POLISH!" Joey screamed in rage.

"British," Seto corrected.

"I am not!" Joey said.

"I hope you know, both of your idiot sides are showing," Serenity said.

-ooo-

Okay, I hope you all know this isn't going to end well.

Does Ryo really want to kill Serenity? Can the other three stop him? And will this upcoming chapter involve…MUFFINS?

I'll see you next week….mua ha ha ha ha…


	9. If I Only Had a Norwegian Butt Duck

Life is a beach, love is a battlefield, hatred is a…um, public restroom? I'm working on it.

HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY EVERYBODY!

Yeah, I was going to say it last chapter, but I forgot, like I usually do, so oh well. HAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY TOO! Okay, enough holidays! TGIF and Review time!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Hey! Great to see you again!

Sugar rush? Not Ryo returned? Or something else?

If you thought Joey had no common sense in our last chapter, you will be laughing out of your skull what comes up in this chapter! I hope…

Anyway, that is a very nice little phrase, and I am still totally psyched about you doing the Princess Diaries! I keep checking your URL to see if you put it out, and I can't wait to see how it turns out. And take you're time with the hilarity. I'd rather have a timely and hilarious chapter than a quickly done and icky one, as I'm sure everyone else on the planet would. But I'm totally sure you'll do a great job!

Nkitty

YAY! I missed you last chapter!

Oh gosh. Destroying Anime and sugar highness? RUN KITTY RUN!

I'm so glad you took the time to say hi though! Glad you liked it, and I hope you like this chapter as much!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

I missed you too!

Who doesn't like muffins? My personal favorite is the ones that you get at Tops that are these huge blueberry ones that just came out of the oven and are glazed with sugar on the top and…oh god, I'm drooling on the keyboard!

Anyway, I can't wait for the next chapter coming up! H'enjoy this one!

TwinSanity

HI GUYS!

Totally, totally, and I know I said this before but I TOTALLY loved your story update!

JESSELDA LAUGHED! Oh dear, I need to call Ripley's Believe it or Not.

Where do I get the ideas? Well, I have two versions actually…

UNTRUE VERSION: Upstairs in the hall closet, to the right of the bathroom is a mystical portal to a dimension parallel to ours called…RANDOMLAND! In Randomland, everyone does crazy, topsy turvy things for no good reason at all, nothing makes sense, and everyone screams their head off for no good reason. Anyway, Randomland has a great and powerful king. Thanks to good diplomatic relationships (and a huge wad of cash), me and the king are best friends, and every week, he provides me insane ideas for my story.

TRUE VERSION: I have absolutely no clue. I think it has something to do with how much sugar I've consumed in combination with how many episodes of _The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy _and _The Nanny _reruns I've watched.

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER ONE AND ALL!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER NINE**

If I Only Had a Norwegian Butt Duck (Don't Ask)

In a blind fury of blind loyalty to protect possibly the only person who wouldn't be embarrassed to call him her friend, Joey rushed to Serenity's cry of fright to see that…she was completely okay.

"YOU SCREAMED LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO BECOME A WALL ORNAMENT AND YOU'RE OKAY?" Seto asked.

"Yeah, well, this guy is a wimp…" Serenity said. "And you saw what I did to those weirdo boys-"

"YOU'RE OKAY!" Joey sobbed in relief, falling to Serenity's feet and crying great stinkin' tears of joy.

"So what happened?" Seto asked, not really caring.

"Well, I was just going to get a drink of water, when suddenly, the psycho re-appeared to go after, I know this is weird, but my ankles again with a huge ax! All I saw was a flash of gold and steal, I kicked him, and…that's it. I was screaming because when I went to the water fountain, it squirted me in the face."

"Oh," Seto said.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" Joey cried, gasping between sobs, then falling to the ground again in sweet happiness.

"Uh, Joey," Serenity said. "Don't you think you're going a little overboard?"

"Fish?" Joey asked, suddenly stopping his painful sobs.

"Uh…yeah, that," Serenity said. "So Seto, how did your stake out go?"

"Incredibly poor," Seto said. "All I know about Ryo is that he's a girly man who seriously needs a good hobby."

"Oh really," Serenity said. "Then how come I found a bag hidden by your sleeping bag containing two Sara McLachlan CDs, Christina Aguilera's latest, The DaVinchi Code, and seven volumes of Girl Got Game?"

"THAT WAS PRIVATE!" Seto yelled.

"Well, bedtime," Serenity said.

-ooo-

So, the three trouped back to the tent, a hard day of wear and tear on their backs, and no sign of relief anytime soon. Joey was, quite possibly, the only one of his troop to excel at boot camp. All the others were just sinking farther and farther under. Even Joey's blind stupidity couldn't comfort them.

"Joey, you don't sleep in this tent anymore, remember?" Serenity said. "You get a better one, with nice beds and not manic bunkmates and actual…things."

"Huh?" Joey said.

"Go back to your tent you stupid idiot!" Seto snarled.

"Is the tooth fairy mad at me for being alive again?" Joey said. "Wow! I can not tell you how often that h-"

"SCREAMING PIXIES!" yelled Serenity. She stared in shock at the horrible sight inside the tent. There, sticking out in plain sight from the folds of Ryo's sleeping bag, was a huge, sharpened ax, along with Ryo's Fuzzy Kitty day planer opened to a particularly horrifying page written in red sharpie.

"'Today,'" Seto read from the book. "'Do laundry, write thank you notes, KILL SERENITY?"

"I dink I'm gonna puke," Joey said.

"Okay," Serenity said. "We can't panic. This is probably just one, big, misunderstanding."

"How can it be a misunderstanding?" Seto said. "It's in black and white! Ryo wants to kill you!"

"Only five minutes ago you were calling him a girly man!" Serenity said.

"I bet he knew we were stalking him, and acted out the whole thing just to throw us off!" Seto said.

"I BET HE'S NOT EVEN POLISH!" Joey screamed in rage.

"British," Seto corrected.

"I am not!" Joey said.

"I hope you know, both of your idiot sides are showing," Serenity said.

"I'M TELLING!" Joey said, running off to Bob's office.

"Joey! Come back!" Serenity said, chasing after him. Seto, not wanting to miss out on the pain that was coming up next, quickly followed.

-ooo-

"-and so, in conclusion, my associates believe that Ryo is trying to kill me," Serenity said. "I, of course, am not convinced, for one of them is an idiot, and the other just wants to get him in trouble."

"WELL, THIS IS A VERY INTERESTING SITUATION YOU HAVE HERE!" said Bob. "NEVER, IN THE HISTORY OF MY PRESTGIOUS CAMP HAS ANYONE BEEN ATTACKED BY A PSYCHO ON GROUNDS! THE ONLY WAY TO PROPERLY PUNISH THIS BEHAVIOR IS-DARN IT WHEELER! PUT THAT AX DOWN!"

Joey had once again taken the huge, double sided battle ax off the display case over Bob's desk and began swinging it around for no good reason at all. Bob was still recovering from the last antics of Joey the Idiot, for his desk was barely patched up with a bunch of two-by-fours and some nails.

"Aw, come on!" Joey said. "What could happen?"

At the moment he finished saying the previous sentence; Joey tossed the ax over his shoulder. The ax then flew into the air and lodged itself into the ceiling, hacking through the support of a hanging light fixture over the sergeant's desk. The light fixture came crashing down, colliding with the desk and completely popped off all the four by fours, causing the desk to split in half again. The shock from the crash jarred the ax loose, and it came down on top of the light fixture, completely destroying it, and causing the room to go pitch black.

"Joey, even though it's been said, many times, many ways, you are _such_ an idiot," Seto said.

"I MUST AGREE WITH THE TWIG BOY!" said Bob, pulling out a flashlight.

"Oh yeah?" Joey said. "Well, one day, you'll be sorry, because I'll grow up to be…PRESIDENT!"

_Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects _

"Mr. President," said a member of the secret service agency to Joey, who was drawing pictures of puppies at his huge, presidential desk in the Oval Office, "I have just gotten back from the joint session of the House and Senate."

"And?" Joey said, sticking a pencil up his nose.

"All states except for Texas and Rhode Island denied your proposition to give every citizen of America a purebred female Appaloosa," said the suit. "They call it on the grounds that not only it would put an enormous strain on horse breeders in America, but it would throw the economy in trillion dollar debts."

"So what?" Joey said, putting a crayon up his other nostril. "Horseys are cool!"

"They also denied the proposition to invade your own country," said the suit. "They call that one just plain stupid."

"Oh come on, look at us!" Joey said. "Our government is controlled by the rich, the media manipulates the people, and we don't give free refills on Big Macs at Burger King! WE MUST LIBERATE THE PEOPLE!"

There was a little beeping sound coming from the suits watch.

"One 'o clock," said the suit. "It's time for your warm milk and fresh baked sugar cookies Mr. President."

"ALRIGHT!" Joey said, shooting the crayon and pencil out of his nose, stabbing the suit in the forehead with the pencil and causing the crayon to crash straight through the solid oak door. "LAY THEM ON ME!"

_Back To Reality Effects _

"_God Forbid_," Seto said.

"Wait a second," Serenity said, digging the ax that Joey threw out of Bob's desk. She gave it a quick look over, and then gasped in fright of her discovery.

"WE'VE HAD THE WRONG MAN!" she cried.

"ALRIGHT! I CONFESS!" Joey screamed. "IT WAS ME! _I _WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE THE BASEBALL DIAMOND! _DO WITH ME AS YOU WANT!_"

Seto slapped Joey.

"FINLAND!" Joey cried.

"Uh…anyway," Serenity said. "I've figured it out! Ryo doesn't want to kill me! **It was…THE BUTLER**!"

Everyone stared at her.

"**Sorry,** **I MEAN BOB!**"

"MS. WHEELER, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION?" Bob screamed.

"It makes perfect sense," Serenity said. "Ryo has absolutely no motive against me at all!"

"NIETHER DO I!" Bob yelled.

"Not quite, but I'll get to that," Serenity said. "The first evidence we have against you is that when the psycho attacked me, I saw a flash of gold and silver. When I happened to locate the ax that was supposedly used by Ryo to attack me, it turns out that that ax was just iron, no gold involved. However, this ax has a gold monogram with your name on it!"

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked. "YOU COULD HAVE JUST BEEN IMAGINING THINGS!"

"Which brings me to my second piece of evidence," said Serenity, pulling out the page of Ryo's day planner that said Ryo wanted to kill her. "According to this page, 'kill Serenity' was written in what appears to be red sharpie."

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked.

"Ryo's allergic to red sharpie!" Serenity said. "I read it in his diary!"

"You read his diary?" Joey asked.

"I was bored, and Seto had The DaVinchi Code," Serenity said.

"I DID NOT!" Seto screamed.

"Finally, the most conclusive evidence of all, you have an 'I Am Totally Evil And I Work For Pegasus The Not Nice Witch Of The West' wall hanging."

She pointed to the wall behind his desk, and indeed, there was an 'I Am Totally Evil and I Work for Pegasus the Not Nice Witch of the West' wall hanger.

"Wow, you think we would have noticed that," Seto said.

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"But there's one thing I don't get," Seto said. "What motive does Bob have against you?"

"Simple," Serenity said. "Since he works for Pegasus, he wants to hack off my Ruby Platform Straps and give them to Pegasus!"

"GAAAAHHHH!" Bob screamed. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FOUND IT OUT! I THOUGHT IT OUT SO CAREFULLY!"

"No you didn't," Seto said.

"YES I DID!" Bob screamed.

"No you didn't."

"YES I DID!"

"No you didn't."

"YES I DID!"

"No you didn't."

"YES I DID!"

"No you d-"

"ALRIGHT, SO THIS COULD HAVE BEEN PLANED A LITTLE BETTER," Bob said. "HOWEVER, THIS LAST PLAN I HAVE IS SURE TO DO THE TRICK!"

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"GET THIS!" screamed Bob. With that, he pulled open his desk drawer from the half that was closest to him, and he pulled out a magic wand with a cute little golden star at the end.

"Still don't get it," Joey said.

"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" Serenity screamed, grabbing Joey and running out the office door, Seto following behind the two. They were just about to escape to find Ryo, when-

"OW!" Joey screamed, running headfirst into a magical wall, conjured up by Bob. It was shiny and see-through, and it looked like misty glass.

"This is so no good," said Serenity.

"ALRIGHT!" screamed Bob, karate kicking through the door to his office, sending splinters flying everywhere, pulsing with magical power. "NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU THREE TO DIE!"

"Pie?" Joey asked.

"NO JOEY!" Serenity cried. "He's going to kill us!"

"Kill us? That is so cool!" Joey said.

"I HEAR YOU CRYING OVER THERE WHEELER!" Bob said. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FIRST?"

"Don't worry Serenity!" Joey said. "I'll save us!"

"How?" Serenity asked franticly.

With that, Joey cupped his hands over his mouth, and let out a very nasal, very honking, and overall annoying call into the night at the top of his lungs. After that, there was a completely shocked silence.

"What was that?" Bob asked.

"That is the mating call of…THE NORWEGIAN BUTT DUCK!"

"The _what_?" Seto asked.

"The Norwegian Butt Duck!" Joey said. "They are legendary for having a very silky coat of feathers!"

There was absolute silence for a second.

"THAT WAS JUST PLAIN PATHETIC!" Bob cried. "DIE!"

However, just as Bob was about to magically blow Joey up, out of the sky came a huge, brown duck with alligator like jaws. It flew from the sky, and lunged at Bob, bitting him right on the butt. Bob let out a shriek of horror, and ran around screaming in pain.

"Oh yeah!" Joey said. "They're also legendary for being extremely aggressive to people's butts. It's their natural prey!"

"Joey, that was so stupid, it was half-way smart," Seto said.

"OHMYGOD!" Serenity screamed. "SETO JUST COMPLEMENTED JOEY! HE MUST BE DELUSIONAL!"

However, the moment of triumph didn't last for long. With one swing of the magic wand, Bob turned the Norwegian Butt Duck into a roast duck dinner mounted on a bed of rice. The other three looked repulsed.

"I dink I'm gonna puke," Joey said.

"SORRY ABOUT THAT MINOR DISTRACTION!" sneered Bob evilly. "NOW IT'S TIME TO GET DIRTY!"

"Hey! That's mean!" screamed a voice from down the path that led to the office. There, only five yards away from the magical wall stood Ryo, who hasn't been in this chapter yet, despite that he was formally the prime suspect in this whole stupid case.

"Where have you been for the past 2,106 words?" Seto yelled angrily.

"Baking," Ryo said. "I can't believe you guys. I go out for a little while, I come back asking if anyone's seen my Pampered Chief Oven Mitts, and you people go and get yourself magically imprisoned by a man who was an evil bounty hunter who put up a façade as a boot camp instructor! THAT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS!"

"AH! YOU'VE COME!" Bob said triumphantly. "NOW, YOU CAN BEAR WITNESS TO THE SLAUGHTER OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS, HAUNTED BY THE THOUGHT THAT YOU'LL BE NEXT IN LINE!"

"I can't let you kill them!" Ryo said. "I may lack the nerve, but even I know that if any of them got killed, the authoress would get a ton of angry letters from Parent/Guardians and fan girls! Oh, uh, and there my best friends too…yeah, that…"

"SILENCE!" screamed Bob. "PREPARE TO DIE SISSY BOY!"

"I don't think so!" Ryo said. "ADVANCE, MY MUFFIN ARMY!"

And suddenly, appearing behind Ryo was a massive army of ten score's worth of home backed blueberry muffins dusted with a sweet, sugar coating. Each one was armed with what appeared to be little swords made out of granola.

"You baked a muffin army?" Serenity screamed.

"Yes!" Ryo said. "I used them to fight the evil monsters that lurked in the hallway and waited until the middle of the night when you went up to go to the bathroom to eat you alive!"

"Why did you make them now?" Seto asked. "How did you know?"

"Seto, why does the sun rise in the east and sink in the west?" Ryo asked. "Why do birdies always fly south when it gets cold, and north when it gets hot? Why does the rose have colors so lovely, and a scent so fair?"

"Earth rotating on its axis, instinct, and to attract insects to pollinate them so they don't die sad, miserable flower deaths without giving anything to the world," Seto said.

"Wow! That answers all the questions to my science paper!" Ryo said, writing all of them down on a paper in his hand. "And now my calvary of carbohydrates, ATTACK!"

"NICE TRY FOOL!" yelled Bob. "MY MAGICAL WALL WILL KEEP YOU AND YOUR STUPID PASTRIES OUT!"

"Not quite!" Ryo said. "These are _blueberry_ muffins, and everyone knows blueberry muffins are impervious to magic!"

"GOOD GOD, HE'S RIGHT!" Bob said, but nothing could save him then. The muffins attacked in all their sugary glory, slashing and hacking and fighting with their granola swords. Bob was no match. He tried his best to throw them off, but it was no good. Soon, he was completely covered in a blanket of muffins, going ever so slowly under. Since he was preoccupied, the magical wall went down, and the other three were free.

"Wow Ryo!" Serenity said. "I can't believe you saved us!"

"Yeah, especially without crying like a little baby," Seto said.

"Well I had to do something this chapter!" Ryo said.

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"I bet," Seto said.

"How come Ryo came to us earlier with bruised ribs and needed a baseball bat?" Joey asked.

"Funny story behind that…" Ryo said.

-ooo-

**LAST NIGHT! WoOoOoOoOoO!**

"Oh wow!" Ryo said, walking back to the tent, carrying a huge tray of health bars. "I can't wait to give this to the others! These are the best health bars I've ever made!"

"Hey buddy," said an extremely gruff voice behind them, as a whole group of shady characters lurked in the shadows. "Going our way?"

"Hello friends!" Ryo asked. Depends, are you going to tent 1313 too?"

"Cough up the health bars pretty boy, or else," said another really gruff voice.

"C-come now," Ryo said in panic, starting to back off. "L-lets not d-do anything w-we'll all regret l-l-later-"

"Get him boiz!" screamed another voice, and with that, a whole band of red haired men only three feet tall with little leather shoes and green tuxes all attacked Ryo, beating him up with their little cans. One by one, they stole his health bars, and there was nothing he could do.

-ooo-

"You got attacked by a band of rouge _leprechauns_?" Serenity asked in disbelief.

"Aw, some guys have all the luck!" Joey said in disappointment.

"But how come you were so shady earlier when we asked you what you were doing last night?" Serenity asked.

"I didn't want anyone to know that I was making health bars!" Ryo said. "I wanted to make as a surprise for you guys!"

"Well, anyway, thanks for saving out butts!" Serenity said.

"Yeah, whatever," Seto said, not believing this whole stupid skit went on for three whole chapters.

"YOU ROCK!" Joey said, slapping Ryo on the back as a tough guy sort of gesture.

"OW! OWHOWHOW!" Ryo said, clutching his shoulder. "You did that on purpose you mean! WAAAAAAAHHH!"

And with that, Ryo collapsed to the ground in pain, sobbing very much like…a little baby.

"Wow, I suppose it was too good to be true," Seto said.

"That's our Ryo," Serenity said.

"KNOLEGE IS POWER!" Joey screamed.

-ooo-

"-and so, it is with great pleasure that we all reward you for your splendid efforts in saving our sorry excuse for a boot camp!" said a soldier, who was with the four in an honorable ceremony to commemorate their defeat of the evil Bob. Even better, the four were allowed out of their camo clothes and into what they regularly wore.

"Yeah, and for giving us this awesome muffin breakfast!' said another random soldier, eating a piece of one of the muffins.

All of the four flinched.

"I dink I'm gonna puke," Joey said.

"Anyway, for such services, we give you the commemorative Man Purse of Honor," said the soldier, handing Joey a little pink coin purse with a cute little daisy on it.

"WICKED!" Joey said.

"Uh, one more thing," Serenity said. "As much as we love to hang around and demean ourselves some more, could we please have an honorable discharge so we can get the heck out of here?"

"Yeah, whatever," the soldier said.

"YES!" the four cried. Freedom at last!

"Oh no! I forgot!" Serenity said. "We can't leave yet! We need to find Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!"

"Where has she been anyway?" Ryo said.

"'Scuse me ma'am," a soldier said, walking up to Serenity with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in his arms. "This your plush toy?"

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" Serenity said, hugging the plush toy. "Oh thank you! Where was she?"

"Hanging out by the mailbox, mailing a letter I'm guessin'," said the soldier.

"She said she was mailing Seto's progress report," Serenity said.

"Joy," Seto said. "How am I doing?"

"Well, she said your grade would be a lot better if you stopped beating Joey up so much," Serenity said.

"What do you mean?" Seto said, but at that moment, he turned around and punched Joey in the ribs. Joey was laughing happily as he fell to the ground with a crash.

"Uh…what was that?" Ryo asked.

"His breathing. It annoys me," Seto said.

"Seto, you better say sorry to Joey," Serenity said. "Ms. Fuzzy-Kins can make bad things happen…"

"Oh yeah?" Seto said, going down to eye level with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "What are you going to do? Give me a bad score on my next report you stupid plush toy?"

With that, a huge bolt of lightning came out of the sky, and Seto got struck down by it. With that, he teetered over and fell to the ground.

"Toldja," Serenity said.

"Ow…pain…" burnt-to-a-crisp Seto said.

-ooo-

**ONE TRIP TO THE PARAMEDIC'S LATER! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

"Well, I don't know how, but we somehow managed to get out of that horrible place," Ryo said. "Now we're one step closer to Cuz!"

"I hate you and your bumper-sticker mentality," Seto said.

"Ryo's right!" Serenity said. "Nothings stopping us now! We're gonna make it to Cuz soon!"

Ha! Yeah right!

"Nothing can make me happier," Joey said.

"Not even this adorably stupid bobble head I bought at Target?" Ryo said, pulling out a Joey bobble head. Along its base was the word 'idjit', and the Joey bobble head itself had swirly eyes and his tongue sticking out. Joey once again burst out laughing and rolled along in the dirt like a loon.

"Yikes!" Serenity said. "I thought my bobble head was hideous!"

"It does almost have a _vile_ sort of charm…" Seto said.

-ooo-

"DANGIT!" Pegasus said, looking into the crystal ball, observing the scene bellow. "How did they make it out of _that_ one?"

"I don't know sir," General Fluffa-Pie said.

"Well sure as heck they won't get past what's up next!" Pegasus said, reaching into his pocket. "HEY! Who stole my portable curling iron?"

"I feel pretty," Joey said from the crystal ball, curling his blonde bangs with Pegasus's portable curling iron.

"HOW DARE HE?" Pegasus screamed.

"It's alright sir," said the general. "You said it yourself. We'll get him."

"Yeah…I guess you're right," Pegasus said. "So…now what?"

"I dunno," General Fluffa-Pie said. "How about some Sister Sister?"

"ROCK ON!" said Pegasus, turning the crystal ball over to Disney Channel.

-ooo-

Howdja like it?

Rember people, beware of the Norwegian Butt Duck. They're incredibly dangerous. Heh, I also got it from a very peculiar incident that happened in my household.

You see, my Mom was playing with our dog, and she had a squeaky toy that sounded like a duck when you squeezed it, even though it was in the shape of a dog. Anyway, being in an especially evil mood, my Mom decided to lure the dog to attack the toy by putting it right next to my Dad's butt and quacking it a few times. Naturally, the dog attacked the toy and…well…

So anyway, that's how the Norwegian Butt Duck came to be! Why it's Norwegian…I dunno, ask Joey.

I tremble in the thought of how horrible it would be if Joey got elected into presidency.

Oh well, here's a look at our next chapter (which will be much shorter than the previous three chapter saga)!

-ooo-

"I'm lookin' for the guy who shot mah Gameboy Advanced SP," said Snake, holding up a busted personal gaming device. Of course, since no one was brave enough (or stupid enough) to come out of their hiding places under the table, he only could pick the only for people that weren't hiding for his targets. They were, of course, Serenity, Joey, Seto, and Ryo.

With that, Snake walked right over to the person who was least likely to defend himself in a crisis, which was, of course, Ryo, who was trying to slurp down the rest of his milkshake through the straw.

"Uh, Ryo," Seto said, seeing the over muscular bandit heading right their way, "You might want to run screaming like you always do now."

"Hang on a sec, I'm almost finished," Ryo said, still trying to do the impossible task of trying to get the last bits of a milkshake.

"Alright, I'll be over here hiding like a coward watching you get the snot kicked out of you," said Seto, looking for a good hiding place.

-ooo-

Well, that's all I got! Until next time!


	10. If I Only Had a Buffoon Bonanza

It's 10 'o clock PM. Do _you_ know where your parents are?

YAY! Super nice people came back to review me!

TwinSanity

HI MANI, MENA, TOLI, AND JESSELDA!

Ah yes, you'll hear about randomland a little latter. Mena's head…wow, that must be a very chaotic place. I know mine is.

Chocolates? AAAAAAWWW, you all are so sweet! 

Serenity's got a part in your story? Ooh, this is going to be good! Knowing you guys, I think I will die laughing. I better get my will written up just in case. Can't wait guys!

Mizz-Sereniy-Wheeler

Sniff OH MIZZ-SERENITY-WHEELER, YOU'VE MADE THIS PSYCHOTIC AUTHORESS _SO_ HAPPY!

As a great big thank you for being so nice in you're last review, I am working on a computer virus at home that will delete all references to 'Barbie', 'EveryGirl', and 'Bratz'. I'd send over a flying fuzzy bunny, but I'm a little short handed with house cleaning, and they work for carrots.

But THANK YOU SO MUCH! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you did the last one.

KaiMai

They _are _muffins of doom! BWA HA HA HA HA!

Yes, I agree. I bet that somewhere between his Millenium Eye and his copies of the Mary Kate and Ashley Mysteries, Pegasus does keep and arsenal of beauty products, portable curling iron included.

What worries me is why Joey would want it…

Anyway, enjoy yet another helping of chaos!

Funky Egyptian

Awesome! I'm strange too!

I enjoy odd stories. Oddness is the spice of life, don't you agree?

We'll…since you said pretty please, here you go! Enjoy it!

Kiwigirl189

I'm glad you were hooked!

Well, Tea's going to show up next chapter, but I'm not sure about the other two. It's not that they'd be bad characters, it's just that I'd think I'd have a hard time getting past the Duke-Serenity-Tristan thing.

Anyway, I certainly hope you stop by again, and I hope this chapter adds to your addiction to random humor!

NKitty29

Hi there! Ah yes, keep your eye on those butlers…they'll stab you in the back (literally).

Thank you for the nice review! Who are you running from?

Well, that's all I got!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TEN**

If I Only Had an Buffoon Bonanza

"Owdy pawtna," said a tall, wild looking man dressed up like a cowboy with a five 'o clock shadow, standing next to a cactus right next to the Yellow Brick Road. "Az yoo can see, wez here in the Ol' West, where soma the wildest events in history 'ave taken place. Y'all got action. Y'all got hadventure. Y'all got your Saturday aftanoon romances."

For dramatic effect, the cowboy took out a lasso and twirled it around on his side, jumping through it just to show off.

"Howeva," he continued, "due to usnins be a little lackin' on money, wez just gonna show you a story habout when four idiots and a plusha cat blew into town and-"

Before he could finish, he was floored by a huge herd of stampeding cattle. As they trampled over him, the kicked up a huge dust storm which created a very dramatic cloud as wild western music played in the background over the beating hooves.

"Oh way to go for starting that stampede Joey," Serenity said, fanning away the grit as she and the others walked down the Yellow Brick Road to the next stop on their insanity tour.

"Sorry Serenity," Joey said. "It's just that Mr. Bull looked pretty hot, so I just fanned him to cool him down!"

"YOU FANNED HIM WITH A RED CAPE YOU IDIOTIC MUTT!" screamed Seto.

"Well, the blue cape didn't match his blood shot eyes!" Joey said.

"Hey look guys!" Ryo said, pointing down the road. "I can't believe it! A real old American Western town! Amazing!"

Indeed, not far down the road was a small town that looked very much like something from the old west movie. It had all those buildings with the swing doors, hitching posts, a general store, blah, blah, blah. Also, there was a huge, swinging sign hanging not far from the outskirts of the town, which Serenity walked up to, reading the painted on words.

" 'Welcome to Rattler Gultch', "she read from the sign. " 'Population: 265'."

Suddenly, a huge scream was heard from the center of the town. With that, a horse and rider came charging up the road up to the sign. He then took out a huge, black sharpie and crossed out the five in the sign and made it a four. Then, he rode back into town.

"Hey!" Joey said. "They didn't have sharpies in the old west!"

"Brilliant Mutt," said Seto sarcastically.

"Just an idea, but I really think we should just breeze through this town without drawing too much attention to ourselves," Serenity said.

"H'im thirsty!" Joey cried.

"Joey, we really need to just walk right through this place without drawing too much attention to ourselves," Serenity said.

"Then again, we aren't sure how long this desert goes," Ryo said. "We may not have another decent drink in days!"

"We could just let Joey die," Seto suggested.

"_Why _do you always try to shoot him down?" Serenity asked.

"It's my innate inclination," Seto said.

"I see," Serenity said.

"Plus he's an annoying idiot," Seto added.

"Well, as long as we're here, we probably should get something to drink before we press on," Ryo said.

"I agree," Serenity said. "Except we need to blend in a little more. We don't want to start any fights."

"Hey!" Joey said. "There's a clothing store down there! LET'S ALL BUY CHICKEN SUITS!"

"Or we could buy western outfits to blend in a little more," Serenity suggested.

"No chicken suits?" Joey asked.

-ooo-

LATER AT THE CLOTHING STORE! WoOoOoOoOoO!

"Ryo, I hate to be the one to point this out," Seto said, fully decked out in cowboy garb (Seto in cowboy garb…WAHHAHAHAHAH!), "well, actually, not I don't, but you're wearing bunny slippers."

"So?" Ryo said, who was also in cowboy garb, except he did, indeed have two huge pink bunnies where cowboy boots should be. "They didn't have any cowboy boots in my size! Plus, it kind of says 'Hi, I'm Ryo, and I have _two_ lucky rabbit's feet!"

"No, it says 'Hi, I'm Ryo, and the first person who beats me up gets a free pair of slippers'," Seto said.

Just as he finished saying that sentence, Joey walked in, and instead of being dressed up as a cowboy, he was dressed up in a brown horse suit.

"NEIGH!" Joey said.

"You've never looked so good," Seto said.

"Oh come on!" Serenity said, coming out dressed like an old western show girl with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who wore a similar outfit. "Don't tell me this is all they had in the women's department!"

"Well, it's either that or Joey's horse suit…" Ryo said. "Uh, did show girls wear platforms in cowboy times?"

"Did cowboys wear bunny slippers in cowboy times?" Serenity asked

"Snort," Joey said.

"'Scuse me," said the man behind the counter with a huge handlebar moustache smoking a cigar. "How do y'all intend to pay fer that their costumes?"

"We'll sell Joey into slavery for a couple of years," Seto said.

"SETO!" Serenity yelled.

"Fine fine," Seto said, pulling out a wad of money. "Do you take fifties?"

"FIFTIES?" Ryo screamed.

"SWEET SISTER OF MERCY!" screamed the store clerk as he got a good look at Joey, who was scratching his butt with a hoof. "IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?"

"Neigh!" Joey said again.

"IT IS!" screamed the store clerk. "THAT'S SNAKE THE KILLER'S HORSE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIEEEEEE!"

With that, the store clerk ran screaming out of the store as fast as he could, continuing to scream 'We're gonna die! We're gonna die!' and other such nonsense.

"W-who's Snake the Killer?" Ryo asked, shuddering in panic.

"Hey look!" Joey said, pointing to a huge poster behind the counter that they couldn't see before because of the sales clerk blocking the way, which featured an overly muscular and rouge looking man. "There's a guy on a poster! Ooh! Ooh! Is he a movie star?"

"You idiot, that's a wanted poster!" Seto snarled. "It says 'Snake the Killer, wanted dead or alive, reward."

"Hey, check out all the crimes he commited!" Ryo cried. "It says here he's been convicted of theft, counterfeiting, high sticking, harassing daytime TV, not returning his phone calls, ding-dong-ditching, littering, walking on fresh planted grass, cannibalism, singing protest songs, drinking pina colatas, getting caught in the rain, and…MURDER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!"

"That's terrible!" Serenity said. "Boy, it's a good thing that the real Snake the Killer isn't in this town, or we'd all be in huge trouble!"

"And we'd have to buy new undies!" Joey cried.

-ooo-

AT THE SALOON! WoOoOoOoOoO!

"Okay," Serenity said. "Now remember, this is a tough town, so we need to not draw attention to ourselves by looking like complete loser freaks."

"So if we just act the exact opposite of who we are, we'll be okay?" Ryo asked.

"Exactly!" Serenity said.

As our heroes began this pointless adventure, Joey turned out toward the hitching post because his virtually non-existent attention span forced him to do such.

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

It means you got bored, so now your about to do something stupid.

"YAY!" Joey said, looking toward the hitching post. There upon it was undoubtibly the horse that belonged Snake the Killer. Perhaps it was the horse's wild appearenc. Perhaps its look just screamed "back off unless you want to end up in an all body cast you twit". Or perhaps it was the 'This horse belongs to Snake the Killer so back off unless you want me to play your spinal cord like an accordian' branded on the horse's haunches. Joey, managing to put all those obvious clues together in his head, sprung immediately into action.

"WHINEY!" he cried, charging into the saloon.

The saloon itself was just what you'd expect from a saloon. It was dimly lit, and there were a bunch of round tables scattered everywhere with cowboys sitting at each one, some just having a quick drink, others playing games of cards, bills and small gold trinkets in the center. The murmered talk of the men at the saloon was mixed with the old style music being played on a piano, all swimming over a thin cloud of smoke from about twenty cigars.

"WOO HOO!" said one cowboy, seeing them all walk in. "Ol' Sam's finely gone and gots us a show girl! Almost a shame it's a cheep one."

"_IT'S A CHEEP ONE?_" Serenity screamed, grabbing the cowboy by his throat with a sickening crack. "I'LL GIVE YOU A CHEEP ONE EASTWOOD!"

"Ooh! So much for not provoking a fight!" Ryo said, flinching from the other end of the room as he saw the whole scene play out before him. "How did she manage to jam his entire head down a gin and tonic glass?"

"These are cowboys Ryo," Seto said. "They have neither skulls nor brains, so there heads have the same density as a latex-rubber mix. I mean, just look at the mutt."

He pointed to Joey, who, being and idiot, grabbed a piece of his ear, and streached it like rubber ten times around his head. With that, he let go, and like a rubber band, it snapped back into place so hard, that it knocked him off balance, and he fell right to the hardwood floor.

"THAT TICKLED!" he cried happily.

"That's some stupid horse you got there," said the piano player.

"Isn't he?" Seto said.

"Hey there son," said an old man behind the counter of the bar. "'Hanythin' I can getcha terday?"

"Listen sissy-boy," Seto said. "This is a Western town, so we need to be tough, which means to drink tough. Comprende?

"Aye cappin!" said Ryo, flashing a salute. "Okay Mr. Bartender, order me up…dare I…a _strawberry milkshake!_"

"'Hokay there girl scout," said the bartender. "Would you like that in with a straw, or are you a big boy and able to drink outta a big glass?"

"Get me _two_ straws!" Ryo said. "I'M FEELING CRAZY TODAY!"

Seto gave him a look.

"What?" Ryo said. "Usually I order vanilla!"

Seto slapped his forehead.

"I'll have the same as the faceless nonentity over there," Seto said. "But make mine a chocolate."

"Two fancy milks for the old maids," said the bartender, flinging a couple of milkshakes down the counter to the two.

"How can they do that?" Ryo asked.

"Do what?" Seto asked.

"How come whenever a bartender flings drinks down a counter, they always stop in front of the exact person they're ordered for?" Ryo asked, beginning to drink out of the straw.

"Years of experience, mystical bartender magic, and tiny magnets," Seto said.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

With that, Ryo continued to drink happily through the straw of his strawberry milkshake. For about a minute, Seto just watched him.

"You really are gullible, you know that Ryo?" he said at last.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

Suddenly, there was a slam from the push doors as they were nearly thrown off their hinges as a muscular bandit stood in them. He was about seven feet tall, with a huge, bushy, handlebar mustache and the ugliest five 'o clock shadow you ever did see. He had a belt with holsters carrying a total of five guns, and his ten-gallon hat had a huge bullet hole in it. His eyes were bloodshot black under a wide, hair brow.

It was Snake the Killer.

Everyone screamed in panic as he advance, into the room. All the card playing cowboys hid under the tables, as did every other sensible person in the room. The piano guy jumped into the string box of his piano. The bartender hid behind the counter. In fact, the only four people who didn't hide was Serenity because she got caught in the frenzy, Joey because he was an idiot, Ryo because he was too busy drinking his milkshake, and Seto because he wanted to get someone shot.

"I'm lookin' for the guy who shot mah Gameboy Advanced SP," said Snake, holding up a busted personal gaming device. Of course, since no one was brave enough (or stupid enough) to come out of their hiding places under the table, he only could pick the only for people that weren't hiding for his targets. They were, of course, Serenity, Joey, Seto, and Ryo.

With that, Snake walked right over to the person who was least likely to defend himself in a crisis, which was, of course, Ryo, who was trying to slurp down the rest of his milkshake through the straw.

"Uh, Ryo," Seto said, seeing the over muscular bandit heading right their way, "You might want to run screaming like you always do now."

"Hang on a sec, I'm almost finished," Ryo said, still trying to do the impossible task of trying to get the last bits of a milkshake.

"Alright, I'll be over here hiding like a coward watching you get the snot kicked out of you," said Seto, looking for a good hiding place.

"SNOT KICKED OUT OF ME?" Ryo screamed in terror, at the exact same second Snake the Killer came over and grabbed his entire body with and oversized hand.

"Well der," he said, in a very husky rattle. "Wot's a milk drinker like you doin' here in these parts."

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Ryo screamed.

"You're a wimp, aren't you?" said Snake.

"Yesiam," Ryo said quickly.

"I don't like wimps," said Snake.

"Noimnot," Ryo said quickly.

"BARTENDER!" screamed Snake. The bartender slowly surfaced from behind the counter, hands up in the air as a sign of surrendering.

"Get me my usual," Snake said. "But this time, make it _extra_ hard."

The bartender had a sudden look of exhaustion. With that, he put on a protective gas mask, a pair of rubber gloves, and a pair of super long tongs. With that, he used them to pull out several vials of chemicals with little bio-hazard labels on them. First he took a red vial and poured some liquid in a tall glass. Then, he took a blue liquid and did the same. When the two came in contact with each other, they hissed and fuzzed and there was even a few mini explosions, which is also what happened when a green liquid was poured in. With that, the bartender pushed the glass toward Ryo and Snake.

"Oh, no thank you," Ryo said. "I have a very strict policy against drinking any kind of beverage that…smokes-"

"_Drink_," Snake ordered, taking out a gun and jamming the barrel right in the back of Ryo's throat.

"Bottom's up than!" Ryo said, taking a straw out of his milk shake and sticking it into the exploding beverage. Very gingerly and slowly, he took a very small sip.

"Huh," he said. "You know, once you get past the bitterly alcoholic taste, it's actually not that b-"

BOOM!

With that, Ryo suddenly shot like a rocket up through the roof, causing several wooden boards to fall down to the floor all over the counter.

"Darn!" said the bartender. "Now I have ter hire a renovator aggin!"

"HEY!" Serenity yelled. "THAT WAS SIMPLY UNCALLED FOR!"

"Oooooohhh…" said everyone under the tables.

"What dyo' care girl?" asked Snake, spitting into a spit bucket thing.

"Well, first of all, he's my friend," Serenity said, "and second of all, I can't allow you to pick on people just because they're smaller than you! You can't do anything that low!"

"Yeah, you can't do anything that low!" Joey said. "NOT UNTIL YOU FINISH YOU'RE HOMEWORK YOUNG LADY!"

"Joey, see those two cactuses over there?" Serenity said.

"Cacti," Seto said, peeking out from behind a flower pot he was hiding behind.

"Pardon?" Serenity asked.

"Cacti," Seto said. "That's the plural form of cactus. Cacti."

"Why can't I just say cactuses?" Serenity said. "Shouldn't we save the good English for, ya know, writing fan fiction stories?"

"It just doesn't seem proper…" Seto said.

"Okay then," Serenity said, frustrated. "Joey, do you see those two _cacti_ over there?"

"No," Joey said. "But I do see two cactuses."

"WHATEVER!" Serenity cried. "Just…I dunno, go talk to them for the rest of the chapter, okay?"

"YAY!" Joey said, getting up and running right through a wall, leaving behind another Joey-shaped hole in the wall.

"Oh great," Seto said. "_Another_ insurance claim."

"Well, there lil' missy," said Snake, walking right up to Serenity. "I hope y'all are ready, 'cause those is fightin' words."

"And you call my grammar bad?" Serenity said.

"Hey, your not seven feet tall and armed," Seto said.

"Well listen here," said Snake dangerously. "Thirs only one way I deal with yellerbellies in this town, and that's by takin' them down. Permanent like."

"You mean…" Serenity started.

"One 'o clock shirp," said Snake. "Yer gonna meat me for a duel to the death!"

"Oh come on!" Serenity said. "Can't we solve this by talking things out? Or compromising? Or making it two so I can flee farther from the town?"

"_One 'o clock_," Snake said dangerously. "Unless, of course, yeh want yer horse to get shot."

He pointed his gun out the door to where Joey was sitting and conversing with the cacti.

"Alright," Serenity said dangerously. "You better hope I go easy on you."

Snake just spat in the bucket, and lumbered out the door, spurs jangling as his cowboy boots clicked across the wood floor.

"Well that was awkward," Seto said, walking up to Serenity. "Oh well, at least Ryo's still gone."

With that, Ryo crashed through the roof, making another hole, and landing right in Seto's arms, speaking of being awkward.

"Wow…" Ryo murmered dreamily. "I must have died and gone to heaven."

Then, he saw who caught him.

"OH MY BLOODY LORD! SETO'S HERE!" he cried. "Then…then that means…"

Three second realization silence. Then Ryo burst into tears. And Seto dropped him.

"SETO!" Serenity yelled.

"Don't make me do what I _really _want to do to him," Seto said.

-ooo-

ONE 'O CLOCK! WoOoOoOoOoO!

So we set our scene to the place where Serenity would either do or die. The wind whistled quietly along, kicking up a small cloud of dust and catching a tumbleweed, flinging it across the sand. The sun was high in the sky, baking the ground, casting almost no shadow in it's wake. It was quiet. Oh so quiet. Until-

"SO SELFLESS, COLD, SO SELFLESS, COLD, SO SELF-LESS, CO-O-O-OLD…and composed…."

"Sorry!" Ryo said on the sidelines, quickly pressing the skip button on the pink boom box with pretty flowers on his lap. "I keep forgetting that the dramatic, Western, duel scene background music is on track five, not four."

With that, the dramatic background music began to play, and Snake walked down the road, spikes jangling as he did such. He had a toothpick in his mouth, and his hands were outstretched, ready to reach into his holster and pull out his gun to wipe someone out. Then, Serenity walked up from the other end of the road, not having anything in her belt, but arms outstretched anyway out of stereotype.

Then comes all of those awkward cowboy close-ups they do in these old style western fight scenes.

While the catty close-ups were being done, Ryo stood on the sidelines biting his lips. Suddenly, there was a flushing sound, and Seto walked out of the men's room.

"So what did I miss?" he said.

"Serenity and Snake are walking down the road, and the dramatic background music's playing, and the awkward close-ups have began, so the fight's pretty much inevitable," Ryo said.

"Better go wash my hands then," Seto said, turning back.

"Halright girl," said Snake menacingly. "Weez gonna duel until one of us bites the dust. Choose you're weapon."

"Alright," Serenity said coolly, as the background music became increasingly dramatic. "I choose…Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!"

With that, she pulled out her cuddly plushie, who was still wearing her show-girl outfit. Snake promptly burst out laughing, as if he had heard the funniest joke in the world.

"Yer gonna put yer life in the hands of a shtupid doll?" said Snake.

"PLUSH TOY!" Serenity screamed. "Jeez! What's with everyone calling her a doll?"

"Halright," said Snake. "I choose mah six shot revolver, which is…uh…what's one less than six?"

"Five," Serenity said.

"Five more shot's than I need!" said Snake.

"Fine!" Serenity said. "So, uh, when do we start this fight?"

"I dunno…whenever…just say the word…" said Snake.

"Okay…could someone count to three?" Serenity asked.

"I…can't count…" Snake said.

"Fine. Let's just go," Serenity said.

She didn't need to speak twice, because the second she said 'go', Snake shot. It would have hit dead on, but-

"What happened?" Snake screamed, as the bullet bounced of a shiny, force-field thing.

"Ha!" Serenity cried. "Since Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is a telekinetic plush toy, she can conjure up force field shield thingies!"

"YAY!" Ryo cried from the sideline.

"Oh yeah?" said Snake. With that, he pressed a little pink button on his revolver, and with that, the force field shield thingy suddenly pulsed with electric wavy things, as did Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who fell right out of Serenity's arms, face down in the dust.

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" screamed Serenity in terror, sinking to her knees by her fallen plushie's side.

"Ha!" said Snake. "Mah telerkinetic force field de-activater settin' on mah gun paid off! I can autermaticly shock any kind of telerkinetic bein' with the push ovva button."

"Those things didn't exist in The Old West!" Serenity cried in pain.

"Neither did Camries," said Snake.

Serenity's eyes were filled with tears, completely shattered by the horror of seeing her cuddly plush friend fallen at the hands of a wicked man of a cowboy.

"H'i see yer cryin' baby," said the cowboy tauntingly. "That's right! Go home sobbin' to yer momma and daddy, and go back to washing the dishes and dusting the furnit-"

With that, Serenity ran headlong to Snake, leaping in the air, and like something out of _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_, she karate kicked the gun out of Snakes hand, straight through the window of a local orthodontist that crashed into an innocent civilian's braces. But that's another story.

"Hoah nelly!" Snake screamed.

"Looks like were both weaponless," said Serenity. "So that means…LIGHT SABER BATTLE!"

"Darn," Ryo said, skipping through the tracks on the boom-box. "She really should warn me before she pulls a fast one like that!"

And so the 'Star Wars' theme song played in the background and with that, Serenity pulled off he showgirl outfit, and underneath it, she had a Jedi knights uniform. Snake pulled off his clothes, and he had a similar outfit. Then the real fight began!

At that moment, Serenity pulled out a light saber that turned blue as it activated, and Snake's turned a pretty pink. With that, they then dodged each other's thrusts, slashes, jabs, kicks, uppercuts, and small bowls of beef stew!

"Wow!" Ryo said. "You don't see this too often in the movies!"

So the two realized that they were evenly matched, each one panting, facing each other, waiting for the other to make a move.

"You ready to surrender?" said Snake.

"Not yet!" Serenity said. "For I know the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly!"

With that, Serenity did a dramatic leap through the air, and she landed right next to Snake. With that, she quickly whispered something in his ear.

He then screamed. He careened backwards, eyes rolling to the back of his head, and eventually passed out, falling backwards right into the sand. The dramatic backround music ended, and 'Paranoid' started playing.

"Wow Serenity!" Ryo said. "What horrible thing did you say to him?"

"Do you really want to know Ryo?" Serenity asked.

"Nothankyou," Ryo said quickly.

As soon as he finished saying that sentence, Seto walked out of the bathroom.

"What did I miss?" he said.

"Serenity won," Ryo said.

"Darn," Seto said.

"Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's all right!" Serenity cried with joy picking up her cuddly plushie.

"Hooray!" screamed Ryo.

"Yeah," Seto said, not really caring.

Well, I think I've had enough of this place," Serenity said, tearing off her Jedi knights outfit, wearing her regular clothes under it.

"As do I," Seto said, tearing off his cowboy outfit with his normal clothes underneath.

"Yeah," said Ryo, tearing of his, wearing his clothes, but still with bunny slippers.

"TAKE THOSE STUPID SLIPPERS OFF!" Seto screamed, as he, Ryo, and Serenity walked into the sunset.

"Goodbye mysterious travelers!" a townsperson called behind them. "You defeated Snake the Killer! WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!"

"Who are those guys?" another townsperson asked.

"I dunno," said the first townsperson. "I think they're street performers."

"H'and that's our story," said the cowboy narrator, back on the set with one arm in a sling, the other twirling his stupid lasso. "H'and thanks to those mysterious idiot, the town spent many long years h'in peace an' happiness. That is until Tipsy the Tuba came to town…but that there's another story. Well, that's all the time we have. I'm Jeff, and until next time-"

But before the cowboy narrator could say another word, his lasso caught on the bumper of a '92 Camry that was shooting by, so the narrator guy was dragged along for quite a long way, being dragged behind in the dirt.

-ooo-

"So…how long have you two known each other?" Joey said, still talking to the two cacti. Neither said a word.

"Uh huh, that's cool," Joey said. "Hey, is it true about what they say that if lightning strikes you, you explode?"

The cacti still said nothing.

"What's the matter, cyotie got you're tongue?" Joey asked.

The cacti said nothing.

"Oh, I see! I'm not cool enough to be part of your little click!"

The two cacti said nothing.

"WELL FINE! DON'T TALK TO ME!" Joey yelled. "SEE IF I CARE!"

"JOEY! COME ON!" Serenity called from down the road.

"YAY!" Joey said, tearing off his horse costume, wearing nothing but tighty-whities as he ran screaming happily down the road to catch up with the others.

-ooo-

Hey everybody! Oh my gosh, that was a long chapter! Oh well, I'm like that.

Just for the record, I don't own Star Wars, the Pina Colata song, 'Selfless, cold, and composed' by Ben Folds Five, nor 'Paranoid' by Linkin Park.

Boy, have I been busy lately! I managed to pre-write another chapter on time for once, start another, _and _write a one-shot! THANK YOU SUGAR HIGHNESS (and vacation).

I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter, especially making fun of all the Old Western clichés. I especially liked to make it a living nightmare for the cowboy narrator person. And yes, I bet Joey is dumb enough to start a stampede and dumb enough to talk several hours with a pair of cacti.

Anyway, do you have any really funny stories on this sight that you like? I'm looking for a few good ones. Please, if you can find one with no romance (which is like impossible, I know), please bring it up. I could use something new to scream my head off at. NONE OF MY FAVORITES HAVE UPDATED IN A WHILE (sniff). That makes me sad.

Okay, here's a riddle. What do you get when you cross two lame-duck mob leaders, our heroes, and Tea? MAYHEM AND CHAOS IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER OF COURSE! Have a look!

-ooo-

_I probably landed myself with the worst summer job on the planet. Stuck in a run down office in the middle of a lifeless city that never sleeps, not to mention works. What's a poor girl to do? I ask you._

_And I thought that was how it was going to be. I thought the business would stay just as it always has…dead. Who am I you ask?_

_Gardner. Tea Gardner. Private eye._

_As I was saying, life was pretty darn boring for me in those lonely months. At least, that's how it was. Then, one day, they came knocking at my door. _

-ooo-

So what the crud is going on? Well, read the next chapter, while I go and steal the world's only comfortable pair of pantyhose! Bye-eye! Oh, and ENJOY THE OSCARS!


	11. If I Only Had an Anglophile

So, raise of hands, who out there is as crazy as I am?

Okay, this thank you section is going to be pretty long, because I am also saying thank you to the peoples who reviewed _The Heart of the Idiots_. But everyone who reviews my work of terrible evilness deserves medals of honor, much less a kind thank you. HEEEEEEEEEEERE they are!

_For _The Wizard of Cuz:

Unknown Someone(s)

I like you're Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy suggestion, so YAY! It's gonna be in the story!

Ah yes, Bob is very much a jerk, and I put a lot of jerkoids I know into Bob. The wizard of Cuz…well, you'll find out…

Anyway, tonza thank yous for the nice review!

ImmortalofGoodness

THANK YOU!

Ah yes, don't worry about the whole reviewing thing anymore. I only instated it in the beginning because I was a paranoid first time authoress thinking no one was going to like my work. I love this story way too much, so I won't get distraught if you won't.

But that was soooooo nice of you to review!

I actually got the 'inside out sweater' metaphor from my own Mom. You see, once we were talking about life (I can talk serious, hard to believe) and she told me that once, she went to a funeral, and one of the sermons was that life was like the back side of a tapestry, that we needed to turn it over before we could really understand what it was supposed to make, just like every twisted thing in life has a reason, but we need to look at a higher state of mind to understand it.

However, my Mom made the sad mistake of saying, "well, since you've probably never seen a tapestry before, I guess it's also like an inside-out sweater".

Ping! Book idea!

Anyway, enjoy the rest of the story as much as you've liked it so far!

Mizz-Sereniy-Wheeler

HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)

Yay! How old are you? Arya one, arya two, ayra three-

Sorry, but hooray! Happy belated birthday from me! So for you're birthday, I shall present you this special birthday wish:

_May you're days be long and happy, may you're high school years as short as humanly possible, may you're college years last forever, may you're marital partner be the hottest thing alive, may you're job rock, may your retirement be early, may coins rain from the sky just for you every Monday, and may everyone you hate's head fall off at the most inconvient time._

And enjoy this next chaptery!

Funky Egyptian

It was very fun to make fun of the old west. I don't see that too much on FFN to be honest. Someone really ought to redo it.

Anyway, MAYHEM AND CHAOS! Have I ever given you less?

I hope you find it riddled with havoc, and enjoy this next chapter just as the previous!

Gothangelmyu

Thankies!

Anyway, there are tons of Yu-Gi-Oh/Wizard of Oz parodies, but I'm glad you love this one the most! I love to make people happy (I'm weird that way).

Here's the update you wanted!

_For_ The Heart of the Idiots

Nightbringer

Yay! Totally glad you laughed out loud!

Darkdaisy

I agree! RYO ROCKS!

Funimation, though evil is stretching, does seem to have a few issues. America needs to take Anime and such other cartoons more seriously, as I will always having more fun watching them than MTV. Anyway, not the point.

I do sometimes have the strongest urge to walk up to 4Kids and say the word 'death' just to watch ninety people feint all at once.

Mana-the-Authoress

Agreed. Ryo needs more lines. Just so I can hear his adorable accent.

As much as I'd like to see Ryo with rocked grenades, you will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER convince me to kill Tea. Sorry, I am very pro-Tea. Call me insane.

Beatlegirl

Thank you! I'm glad to see someone like this story so much!

For some reason, whenever I write about Seto, BAD THINGS HAPPEN! I blame the fact that I feel for the kid. So if Seto, Ryo, Serenity, or any one of my favorite characters is involved in the story, BAD THINGS! BAAAAAD THINGS!

But since you reviewed me twice…DOUBLE THANK YOU WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!

Gothangelmyu

Thanks for liking this story too!

Well…occasionally I rock…

BUT, SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

If I Only an Anglophile

_Business has been dead lately. Really dead. Super dead. It's been deader than George Washington's mother. It's been deader than the Social Security money pool. It's been deader than…I'm running out of similes, so it's been dead okay?  
_

_Well, let's face it, I don't work in a really prosperous profession. If you can call it that. It's really just a lame summer job, since all the positions for waitresses at Friendlies were taken. It was either this or Wal-Mart, and this is the one I chose. Bad idea, I know._

_I probably landed myself with the worst summer job on the planet. Stuck in a run down office in the middle of a lifeless city that never sleeps, not to mention works. What's a poor girl to do? I ask you._

_And I thought that was how it was going to be. I thought the business would stay just as it always has…dead. Who am I you ask?_

_Gardner. Tea Gardner. Private eye._

_As I was saying, life was pretty darn boring for me in those lonely months. At least, that's how it was. Then, one day, they came knocking at my door. _

Just as the dramatic narration finished, sitting behind her desk, the brown haired, blue eyed, sixteen year old screamed in fright as Joeys head rammed through the door through her office.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed.

"APRICOTS!" Joey screamed, as the door fell over on its hinges, completely squashing his face as it hit the floor, revealing the three others behind him.

"Sorry about that," Ryo said apologetically.

Seto didn't care, he just walked on top of the door, not to mention Joey's spinal chord.

"That tickled!" Joey cried in pain. With that, Serenity pulled his head out of the fallen door, Joey still smiling stupidly.

"Joey, you're supposed to knock on the door, not turn it into a chocker," Serenity said. "Honestly, it seems like your always being pulled out of something. AND YOU AREN'T HELPING SETO!"

"I'd like to say I don't care, but that's putting it lightly," Seto said.

"So…uh…" Tea started. "What's the problem? Other than your idiot over there?"

"How come your hair does that?" Joey said, indicating Tea's brown hair, which had a huge point at the side.

"Well, I don't know," Tea said. "Why don't you ask your school shooter friend?"

"Mine's cooler," Seto said.

"Anyway, were here because we were attacked…again…" Serenity said.

"IT WAS ABSOLUTLY HORRIBLE!" Ryo cried. "I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!"

"Well, lay it on me," Tea said, pulling out a cigarette box from her desk drawer. "Want a stick?"

"No thank you," Ryo said. "I don't smoke."

"Neither do I," Tea said, snapping open the case. "These are peppermint sticks."

"Oh, well, in that case," Ryo said, taking one, as did Serenity.

"Want one Seto?" Ryo asked.

"No way," Seto said. "Sugar poisons the mind as well as the body."

"CANDY!" Joey yelled, grabbing the entire cigarette box with his mouth, including part of Tea's hand. Using the automatic sorting devices in his mouth, he sucked out all the candy, spitting out Tea's hand. With that, he licked the rest of her arm with one huge lick like a dog, and went all the way up her side, up to her head, completely messing up her hair and covering her in drool.

"I rest my case," Seto said, as Joey belched out the cigarette case.

"Okay, so here's what happened…" Ryo said.

ooo

"So let me get this straight," Serenity said. "Five seconds ago we were in the middle of desert, and now we're in an actual city?"

They found themselves on a city street that was completely dark, lit only by a few street lights, neon signs, and the headlights from cars streaming by them. They were in the middle of extremely old buildings that nearly touched the sky, each one thoroughly covered in graffiti.

"I d-don't like c-cities," Ryo shuddered in panic, clinging to Serenity's skirt.

"Why, oh let me guess," Seto said. "You're afraid of everything that takes up space?"

"Yes," Ryo said. "But that's not it! Do you know how dangerous cities are? There are gangs and traffic and pollution and stalkers and…and even…DISINFECTANT SPRAY!"

"Who are you again?" Joey asked Ryo.

"Come on Ryo," Serenity said. "There are four of us, plus Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and were out in the open, so what horrible things could happen to us?"

Suddenly, out of the darkness, a small package wrapped up in brown paper was tossed onto the sidewalk right in front of the five. It had a little white tag stuck to it, and typed upon it was 'To Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, Joey, Seto, and Ryo'.

"COOL! A RECTANGLE!" Joey said, reaching for the box.

"Joey! No!" Ryo screamed. "IT COULD BE A LETTER BOMB!"

"Oh please," Seto said.

"No, he's right," Serenity said. "Compared to everything else we've been through, a letter bomb actually seems possible."

"Or it could be just a stupid package," Seto said. "Now stop acting like a bunch of idiots and just open it."

"SETO, DON'T DO IT!" Ryo cried. "IT'S TOO RISKY!"

"Who cares?" Seto said. "I'm way too stubborn to listen to common sense!"

ooo

"I didn't say that!" Seto snarled, after hearing Ryo's story.

"Well, it was something like that!" Serenity said.

ooo

So with that, Seto tore off the wrapper to the package, turned it upside down, and dumped the contents into his hand. He looked at it, and it turned out to be a very small package of-

"Spam?" he asked.

"SPAM!" screamed six voices around him, and then, out of nowhere, Terry Jones, Graham Chaplain, John Cleese, Terry Gillam, Eric Idle, and Michel Palin all jumped out of an abandoned alley, quickly surrounding our heroes.

"This ambush was brought to you by SPAM!" screamed Terry.

"Spam spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam…" the others sang.

"I knew this is how it would end!" Ryo cried, tears in his eyes.

"You knew that you'd be killed on an open sidewalk in the middle of the city by a British Comedy team with a dumb blonde, an anarchist, and a girl stuck in six inch platforms?" Serenity asked.

"Uh huh," Ryo said. "But truth be told, I thought I'd be a little closer to Jamestown…"

"Wait, hold on," Seto said, stopping the painfully stupid verses of the British loons.

"What ho?" asked Terry J. "Wot do yew wont?"

"A swimming pool!" Joey said.

"What the crud are you doing?" Serenity cried.

"Well, wez moight as well telya, since we're going to kill you oll," John said. "Wez gonna sell you all to Pegasus to get quits galore!"

"You _are_ Monty Python, right?" Seto said.

"Roight!" screamed the lunatics.

"But Graham Chaplain died years ago!" Seto yelled.

Suddenly, all four of the British loons looked dumbfounded, and five of them turned to Graham in shock.

"Uh…I gotta go!" Gram cried, running away from the others as fast as he could.

"US TOO!" cried the rest, fleeing after Graham.

ooo

"So you're saying that you got attacked by Monty Python, including the dead member?" Tea asked.

"Horrible isn't it?" Ryo said, still shuddering.

"If you know who did it, then what the heck are you doing here?" Tea said.

"Wow, you're pretty," Joey said.

"You do realize that I have an ice pick in my desk that I save for the pathetic fool who gets too close, right?" Tea asked Joey dangerously.

"Back to the point!" Serenity said. "The point is, these people are out for our heads, and we need a safe way out of the City!"

"Sorry, I'm a detective, not a UPS delivery man," said Tea. "I would if I could, but I only have a permit."

"Oh please!" Ryo begged, getting down on his knees. "I don't want to go out there! It's dark! It's dangerous! IT'S UNSANITARY!"

Ryo then started crying…a lot. A whole lot. Huge, bubbly tears were streaming down his face, and it was both heartbreakingly sweet and sickeningly pathetic.

"Alright already!" Tea said, wiping tear drops off her desk. "Sheesh! Okay, here's the deal. I can't help you, cause like I said, I can't drive. Anyway, I do know who can help you out…hopefully."

"Oh, who are they?" Serenity said.

"Roma and Roma," Tea replied.

"Attornies?" Serenity asked.

"Mob leaders," Tea said.

"The difference?" Seto asked.

"MOB LEADERS?" Serenity and Ryo screamed.

"Hooray! It's Christmas!" Joey cried.

"Calm down, calm down," Tea said. "Their not that bad. Really. Honestly."

"THERE MOB LEADERS!" Ryo screamed.

"Yeah, I just said that," Tea said. "Anyway, were great friends, so you don't have to worry about a thing."

"You're friends with mob leaders?" Serenity asked.

"Well, how do you think I got this job?" Tea said.

"Well…I still don't know…" Serenity said.

"Where else do we have to go?" Seto asked.

"Good point," Serenity said. "Okay, we'll go."

"One more thing," Seto said. "May I borrow you're ice pick Tea? I only need it for a second…"

"Seto, Joey doesn't die in this story," Serenity said.

Seto muttered to himself darkly.

ooo

AT THE HOUSE OF THE MOB LEADERS! WoOoOoOoO!

"Okay, there are a few things you have to remember when you're dealing with mob leaders," Tea said. "First, they don't like it when they lose at cards, so either avoid them at all costs, lose on purpose, or be humble if you win. Second, NEVER ask them about their jobs. Third, beyond everything else, Ryo, DON'T SAY A SINGLE WORD!"

"Why?" Ryo asked timidly, as they all stood on the doorstep of a tall but extremely old town house under a street light. It cast an eerily red glow upon the building, making it look like a haunted house more than anything, especially when there was only one light on. Tea knocked at the door.

"Just trust me," Tea said, continuing to knock at the door.

They all waited for a few seconds. No one came.

"I don't think they heard you," Ryo said.

"Police sirs!" Serenity called.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!"

The door slammed open, and in the doorway was a twelve year old girl with glasses, pigtails, a tee-shirt with a huge read heart on it, denim skirt, and huge, green sneakers. She was extremely cute, and excessively loud at the same time.

"Look, we had a deal, remember? That thousand dollars you _found?"_ She said. Then she realized just who she was facing.

"You aren't the police are you?" she asked, sweat dropping.

"We aren't as long as you aren't a mob leader!" Ryo said uneasily.

"HOLY CRUD! A BRITISH PERSON!" she screamed in delight, hearing his accent. She then leaped right in the air and did a twirling kick into Joey, who had the misfortune of standing in front of Ryo. This caused Joey to soar backwards across the thruway, getting himself buried in the wall of an opposite building.

"Mmmm, British person!" the freaky twelve year old said, grabbing Ryo in a bone crushing bear hug.

"Can't…feel…lungs…ribs…cracking…" Ryo said in a great deal of pain.

"I don't know who you are," Seto said, "but if you karate kicked Joey into a brick wall and strangle Ryo, you are defiantly on my good side."

"AAAAAHHHH! MOB LEADER!" screamed the weirdo tween, letting go of Ryo long enough to jump in mid-air and do another karate kick which sent Seto flying into the same building that Joey got floored into.

"THEY AREN'T GETTING YOU!" she screamed, grabbing our insane British friend, pulling him into her house and slamming the door.

"SETO! JOEY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Serenity cried, looking toward the other end of the thruway in horror.

"Bah…I'm not sick, but I'm not well," Seto said, little birdies swirling around his head as he pulled himself out of the wall.

"Pretty birdies," Joey said, pointing to the birds that were swirling around his head.

ooo

"I WON'T LET THAT FILTHY MOB LEADER GET YOU ALIVE!" screamed the tween, dragging Ryo along. "I bet he's with the Dimagio brothers. DARN THOSE FILTHY DOGS!"

"That's not a mob leader, that's my friend-ish, Seto!" Ryo said. "You just slammed a door in him and my other friend's face!"

"What do you-huh?" Mobster said, suddenly stopping in mid-sprint. With that, she turned around walked back very uneasily toward the door. She then pulled it open to reveal the very angry faces of Serenity, Tea, and Seto, as well as the blissfully yet stupidly happy face of Joey.

"Oh, uh, hi Tea," Mobster said.

ooo

**SEVERAL VERY AKWARD EXPLAINATIONS LATTER! WoOoOoOoO!**

"No way!" Seto said. "There is no way you can be twelve and a mob leader at the same time!"

The entire group was sitting together at a table in the dining room of the strange little British fanatic. Each time she ended a sentence, the little weirdo scooted a little closer to Ryo, who was growing increasingly nervous.

"Way!" the kid said. "And my name's Mobster! Stop calling me kid, punk, and that other word…"

"Okay, so anyway," Tea said, "these guys got attacked by Monty Python-"

"BRITISH PEOPLE! YAY!" she cried.

"No! Not yeah!" Ryo said. "They want to kill us!"

"So anyway, you can get them safely out of the city, right?" Tea asked.

"I'm really sorry," Mobster said. "I don't know how to fake a driver's license yet, so my dad's gonna hafta drive you guys."

"Another mob leader?" Serenity asked.

"Yep!" Mobster said. "HEY DAD! THERE'S A BRITISH PERSON DOWN HERE! Oh yeah, and some other guys-"

"WHO DARE DISTURBS JOHNEY ROMA?" a frighteningly evil voice said from behind the door to the dinning room, and with a huge lunge, the door fell down to reveal the head of the mob.

He was quite tall, and he wore a huge, wide brimmed hat and a blazer. He had a very fake Italian/New Yorker accent, and his hazel eyes blazed behind his sunglasses. He was also wearing bunny slippers and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook', as well as a chief's hat.

"YOU KNOW I HATE TO BE DISTURBED WHEN I'M BAKING SCONES AND BREWING A FRESS POT OF TEA!" said Johney Roma. "And don't tell me you're holding _another_ British person hostage."

"Tea?" Ryo asked, suddenly completely alert.

"What do you mean _hostage?_" Serenity said with concern.

"Well, last year she kidnapped Allen Rickman and hid him in her hall closet for two months," Johney said. "Thankfully, we got him out by the time they needed to start filming the next Harry Potter movie."

"Hey! It wasn't that bad!" Mobster said. "I fed him, you busted him out before he completely flipped, and the locksmith got a generous tip that night! I see that as a win-win situation!"

"Eh…did you hold any others hostage?" Ryo asked uneasily.

"Yup!" Mobster said.

"What did you do with them?" Seto asked.

"Well, they weren't exactly celebrities, so I didn't need to give them the star treatment," Mobster replied, and Ryo scooted his chair as far away from her as possible.

"So…can you help us?" Serenity asked. "We just need a safe ride out of the city. We won't take up too much space or be a bother, and we really don't eat that much!"

With that, Joey took a huge bite out of the table.

"Never mind…" Serenity said.

"No! It's okay!" Mobster said. "We'll be glad to help you out, right dad?"

"I don't know," Johney said. "They don't look that trustable…"

"Are you _still_ sore about the Steelers losing this year?" she asked.

"THEY WERE GOING TO KISS THAT TROPHY, DARN IT!" Johney yelled, pulling out a huge tommy-gun. "THEY BETTER WIN NEXT YEAR OR…OR I SWEAR I'LL…"

Suddenly, there was a little whistle coming from the kitchen.

"Tea's done!" he said cheerfully, dropping the tommy-gun and skipping to the kitchen.

"Yay!" Ryo said.

"Uh…how _has_ your father been lately?" Tea asked.

"Once baseball season starts, he'll be fine," Mobster said.

"And he calls _us_ not trustable," Serenity said.

"Is it time for my ear cleaning?" Joey asked.

"So anyway, how do you plan to get us out of this place?" Serenity asked.

"Easy," said Mobster. "To keep an undercover profile, Dad drives a bus and occasionally delivers papers. We'll just hope you two on a bus, and one-two-three, you're outta here!"

"Sounds a little too simple," Seto said.

"Well, we're going to have to check their website to see the times they'll be patrolling the city to hunt down your skins," Mobster said reflectively.

"They have a website?" Serenity asked.

"Duh!" Tea said. "Everyone has a website!"

"Candy?" Joey asked Tea.

"Tea's ready!" said Johney, carrying a tray with seven full cups of tea.

"Whatever," said Seto reaching for a cup.

"MY TEA!" screamed Ryo, jumping over the table, kicking Seto in the face, and landing right in front of Johney, snatching a cup right off the tray that Seto was reaching for.

"Pain…" Seto gasped from under the table.

"British person…" Mobster said dreamily.

"Whoa. Where's this punk from?" Johney asked, watching Ryo calmly sip the tea as if he didn't maim anyone.

"We better look at the website then!" Serenity said, trying to draw away the fact that she questioned the sanity of her friends more every day.

ooo

**AT THE FAMILY COMPUTER! WoOoOoOoOoO!**

"Ah…the home computer…so simple…so classic…" Seto murmured dreamily in the face of technology. "I…I missed you…"

"Yo buddy," said Johney Roma. "I ain't liken the way youz lookin' at my computer. Comprende?"

"Oh yeah," Seto said. "I am so not afraid of you and your ghetto talk!"

**FOUR SECONDS LATTER**

"I'mafraidofyou, I'mafraidofyou, I'mafraidofyou," Seto said in panic, shuddering behind Serenity.

"Did you really have to sing?" Mobster asked Johney.

"He forgot just who's boss," said Johney.

"Me right?" Mobster said.

"When I die kid," said Johney.

"Darn. Oh well, that can't take to long," she said, logging onto AOL under the screename 'IluvBritishpeople'.

"You look lovely today," said the Huge Grant AOL welcome.

"Thank you Huge Grant!" Mobster said cheerfully.

"Uh, you know that's not really Huge Grant right?" asked Tea.

"SILENCE!" Mobster screamed, flames in her eyes, growing a solid seven feet in front of everyone's eyes. Tea quickly scampered behind Serenity right next to Seto as Mobster typed up the sight for Monty Python.

"According to this, the Pythons are going to take a break from hunting for your heads from three AM to six AM," Mobster said.

"Why did they choose those hours?" Ryo asked.

"Because they're crazy," said Mobster.

"Oh. Yeah," Ryo said.

"So we're going to have to be smuggled out at three in the morning?" Serenity asked.

"Pretty much," Johney said.

Just as he said that, Joey collapsed on the ground and started snoring.

"Joey's right," Serenity said. "We probably should get some sleep.

"Well, luckily we have two spare bedrooms upstairs," Mobster said. "Tea, Serenity, we're currently boarding another girl since dad hasn't st-I mean, we're short on cash. Is that okay?"

"Sure!" Serenity said.

"No problem!" Tea said.

"Wait, I have to share a room with _Joey_?" Seto realized in horror. "NOOOOOOO!"

ooo

Tea and Serenity were standing outside a red door to the spare bedroom, which was (unfortunately) across the hall from the boy's room.

"We should probably knock." Serenity said.

Tea nodded in agreement, and tapped lightly on the door.

"Commin," said a voice behind the door, and Tea opened up, Serenity following behind her. They found themselves in the presence of a girl sitting on a bunk bed opposite from another, strumming a few notes on a guitar on her lap.

"Hi!" Serenity said cheerfully. "My name's Serenity, and this is Tea!"

"We're just staying here for the night," Tea said. "Hope we're not disturbing you."

"Nah, it's okay," said the girl. "Name's Avril by the way."

"Awesome!" Serenity said. "That's a nice name. Your parents must have been very creative! It seems like everyone today is named Amanda or Bryan."

"You play guitar?" Tea asked, looking at the guitar on Avril's lap.

"Uh huh," she said. "But boy, today is just a pain in the neck. My best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she's an absolute wreck. I want to write her a song, but I just can't get the lyrics."

"Oh man, I hate that!" said Serenity. "You meat this guy, and he turns out to be everything that you wanted. You're sure it's meant to be, and you get so close to it, and then you lose it."

"Yeah," said Tea, pulling off her shoes. "What's worse is when it's over, you both act like you're dead. Then, you're not sure what you did or said that made it that way. And then all your friends who you barely know and who barely know you start to talk."

"Uh huh," Serenity said, climbing to the top bunk. "Man, wouldn't it be great if all relationships had a happy ending?"

Avril stared at them both for a moment. Then, with that, she pulled out a piece of paper and started scribbling on it with a pen.

"Alright!" Serenity said. "Good night!"

"Good night Avril!" Tea said, climbing into bed.

"Yeah, uh, g'night," she said, still writing.

ooo

"I can't let this ordeal break me," Seto said to himself. "I may be with the person who I loathe more than anyone else on the entire planet, but I can't let it get to me. I am not a selfish little boy anymore. I am a man. A true man does not let little inconveniences drive him into madness. He sees these as challenges, and he overcomes. I will not let myself tear myself apart. I will accept my fate with grace, dignity, and self-HEY! I WANTED TOP BUNK!"

"You should have called it tooth fairy!" Joey said, climbing up the bunk bed.

"Get down here, or I'll prove you have no brain in that empty skull of yours!" Seto snarled.

"YAY! I LOVE FIGHTS!" Joey said, dive bombing on Seto and starting a cat fight on the floor.

"I love the top bunk!" Ryo said happily, climbing to the top of one of the two bunk beds and snuggling in the sheets.

"Will you kiss me good-night British person?" asked Mobster cheerfully, as she kicked down the door, and Joey and Seto rolled by.

ooo

Mua ha ha! Another psychotic chapter!

I had a lot of fun writing about Mobster and Johney Roma. How did you like them? I got inspiration from both of my psycho parents.

Anyway, it's a miracle I ever got this chapter written, because I've been having a really crazy week. I had a ton of work to do at school, I tried out for a club, my Mom has gone psycho and is on a house cleaning spree (AAAAAAAHHHHH!), and to cap it all off, I bought a copy of _Final Fantasy I & II_ for my GBA. It's a miracle I got anything done!

Oh well, this upcoming week looks pretty calm, so I shouldn't have any problems catching up.

Ah yes. Seto's line "Bah…I'm not sick, but I'm not well" comes from the song 'Flagpole Sitta' by Harvey Danger. Also, I do not currently own the Steelers, Allan Rickman, Huge Grant, the Harry Potter movies (or Harry Potter), or Avril Levine and her song 'Happy Ending'. However, my mom does have a Huge Grant AOL welcoming voice (frightening, I know).

Okay, onto our next chapter, and boy, does this one look crazy…

ooo

"DARN YOU FILTHY DOGS!" screamed Mobster at the fiendish fiends. "The only way you'll get me and/or my British person is when you drag our dead bodies out of this bus!"

"And how do you plan to escape?" Jeffrey said.

"Say hello…to Ol' Betsy," said Mobster, pulling out a violin case.

"Oh God! Not that!" Johney said, quickly turning up the radio.

"AAAHH! You can't have a gun!" Ryo cried.

"You're only twelve!" Tea cried. "You're much too young to be carrying around killing machines!"

"Who said Ol' Betsy was a gun?" said Mobster, opening up the violin case and pulling out…a violin.

"Oh yeah, we're really scared of a string instrument," said Rick.

"Obviously you've never heard her play," said Johney. "If any of you have hearing aides, I suggest you turn them off now."

ooo

Will our heroes make it out of the city alive? How bad is Mobster's playing? How bad is Johney Roma's driving? What horrible mishap will Joey cause now?

See you soon!


	12. If I Only Had a Sledgehammer

Live your life so the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral.

I had a couple angry comments from some of my British readers about my view of them. Upon reading them, I am absolutely _mortified_ at myself, because those are the absolute LAST people I want to offend!

The fact is, I, like my mother (though never as bad as Mobster) have a love of British culture (one of the reasons why I'm a Ryo fangirl). I realize that people in England drink things OTHER than tea (in fact, tea is drunk in England about as much as it is in America), and if anything, I was making fun of the stereotype than enforcing it. I just thought it would be funny for Ryo to maul anyone, and I thought that joke would be so ludicrous, no one would take it seriously. In fact, Mobster, as I have mentioned earlier, is based on my mom and her obsessive love of anything British, and also, I thought that if anyone was going to Allen Rickman hostage, it was going to be her (and if she found out I offended anyone British on such ground, she would probably whip me naked in the nearest public street, not really, but something as bad). **NO** I do not condone any such behavior in the real world people!

However, I should have been thinking, which I really haven't done much of in this fic. Anyone who is offended, I am** SUPER TERRIBLY SORRY**! You have a right to run a sledgehammer through your computer, as well as mine.

And now, just for future reference…

**WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER DISPLAYS CHARACTER BASHERS IN AN UNFLATERING LIGHT! FAN GIRLS MAY ALSO BE OFFENDED! READ WITH THIS IN MIND!**

Alright, onto the reviewers!

Funky Egyptian

Mua ha ha, my own father was the model for Johney Roma. You see, my dad created the original character (along with Owen, Tommy the Tapeworm, and others…shudder…), and I fell in love with the idea of a psycho mobster so much, I made my dad into Johney, and my mom into Mobster (my own character).

The random insanity continues! Enjoy another helping!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Don't you just hate it when the teachers show no mercy on your birthday? I sometimes get a lot of it, but usually my birthday is on Spring Break (YAY!). Anyway, happy thirteenth! You're a teenager now!

I didn't think of Mobster being like Rebecca, but now that you point it out, they do have a lot in common. They both had pigtails, glasses, and on some ground, have a pre-teen like cuteness. However, the big difference is that Mobster isn't nearly as incredibly smart, and also, she is a bit more sharp tongued.

Anyway, enjoy part two of the many exploits of the insane!

Gothangelmyu

Keh…I have absolutely no idea how Avril gets her ideas. My guess is the same way I get my story ideas, out of the blue.

Ah, yes, the infamous Sharpie. Sharpie's are a brand of sort of a cross between a marker and a pen. The originals have really bold black ink, but now they come in a ton of colors. They're usually used for putting your name on notebooks and binders, labeling things like videos and home burnt CDs, or, as we did in band class, draw colorful pictures all over balloons.

Well, this chapter is even better than the last one (hard to believe, I know). Anyway, ENJOY!

Philsorapter

Cool name.

Ah yes, plays. They can be very traumatic experiences if you get such parts.

I'm glad you like this story! My favorite chapters are probably the ones where we meet the gang, but I did like all of the Bob chapters to just for the sheer joy of making fun of the army (snick).

And I can't stand the 'won't update until 2010' type of authors either. Sometimes it can get rather annoying. NOT THE POINT! Anyway, so glad you reviewed! Hope you'll stop by again soon!

TwinSanity

MANI WENT MISSING?

Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, OH MY FLIPPING DANCING UNDERPANTS! Thank gosh your okay! What happened? Where was she? Out?

Sorry…(pant) just a little worried. I don't want anything bad to happen to you guys! oO.Oo Honest I don't!

Well the important thing is that you're back! (Whew!) Thank you so much for liking all of the previous chapters! And you people really shouldn't be up at three AM. 'Tisn't healthy. ANYWAY, I missed you guys so much! (Sniff) Come back soon!

I'll Kick You're Butt To Wherever Albequerque Is (formally known as Cake Is Not For Throwing)

I like Cake Is Not For Throwing, but this is very good too!

TwinSanity and I both have awesome fics. I don't blame you for having a hard time picking one! Anyway, so glad to see you! I can't wait to see what your next pen name is!

Glad you loved the mob stuff! ENJOY THE NEXT CHAPPIE!

And know, ladies, gentleman, and all members of the animal/plant/fungus/germ/one celled organism/robot/virus kingdom….

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

If I Only Had a Sledgehammer

"YAY!" Mobster said to the table full of teenagers. "Is everyone ready to be safely smuggled out of the city?"

"It's three AM," Tea said. "I don't think any of us are ready for anything."

"Great!" Mobster said cheerfully. "Now remember, we have to do this stealthily, so no excessively loud noises. We don't want to give away our position.

"Yay!' Joey said, taking another bite out of the kitchen table.

"JOEY!" Serenity said. "Will you please stop eating furniture?"

"Aw man!" Joey said.

**CRASH!**

Suddenly, right through the wall, Johney Roma drove a huge buss. Plaster still crumbled from the walls and rained down in a shower of dust as the buss door opened.

"I can fix that," Johney said.

"Riiiight," Tea said as she climbed into the bus, suddenly feeling not entirely safe. Everyone else followed her lead, just as uneasily.

"I can't believe the bus survived being driven through a solid wall," Ryo said.

"I won't believe it if we survive this entire trip," said Seto.

"I wish I had a cantaloupe!" Joey said.

"Uh…" Serenity said.

"I get to sit next to the British person!" Mobster said.

"NO PLEASE!" cried Ryo.

"Why don't you the poor man alone this time dear?" Johney asked.

Mobster sighed, sitting in the front seat. Tea and Serenity said next to each other, and the others sat in different seats. What brewed next will cause a soon to be life-or-death experence for our heroes.

ooo

**MEANWHILE, AT THE LAIR OF PEGASUS THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST! WoOoOoOoOoO!**

"-okay everyone! Feel the burn! Feel the burn!" said the blonde and extremely thin woman on the crystal ball. "We only have thirty more push ups to go! Twenty nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven-"

"OH YEAH!" yelled Pegausus, doing push ups in skin tight sweat pants, a tee-shirt that said 'I Luv Wyoming', sweat bands, and tennis shoes. "I FEEL THE BURN CINDY! _I FEEL THE BURN!_"

"You're extremely badness," General Fluffa-Pie said, fluttering in, "oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"What is it-uph-General Fluffa-Pie," asked Pegasus, still continuing to do his push ups.

"Recent data from the FBBI (Fuzzy-Bunny-Buereu of Investigation) find it that somehow the five persons have perfectly persued their party past the Pythons," said General Fluffa-Pie.

"General-uph-Fluffa-Pie," said Pegasus, "do you-uph-really think-uph-that I can get-uph-smooth and well-uph-toned abs-uph-if I here-uph-information-uph-that I already know?"

"Shall I send in my troops sir?" General Fluffa-Pie asked.

"No that's-uph-not nessesary," said Pegasus, doing his last push up. "Send in…_THE DIMAGIO BROTHERS!_"

Suddenly, Pegausus's watch beeped from under his sweat band.

"Oh boy, infamercials!" he cried with joy, picking up the remote and changing the crystal balls channel to channel 75, watching one.

ooo

**IN TEA AND SERENITY'S SEAT! WoOoOoOoO!**

"So how come everyone call you a friendship witch?" Serenity said. "You haven't been saying many speeches lately."

"It's not my fault," she said. "Okay, I admit it, the script called for more than nessesary. But really, if it wasn't for the STUPID 4Kids, I would have been fine. I mean Anzu was ten times cooler than what I got turned into. All I do is skip around screaming 'friendship' with the others!"

"How come they don't give Yugi and Joey a hard time for all their 'Friendship Orientation'? Serenity asked.

"Cause Yugi's a main character and Joey's stupid," Tea said.

"FRIENDSHIP!" screamed Joey.

"See what I mean?" Tea asked.

"And Anzu's a cooler name too," Serenity said. "Why did 4Kids ditch it and give you the name of a hot beverage and put a little asterics over the 'e'?"

"I don't know," Tea said. "I guess it could be worse. I could have been dubbed Coffea."

**IN RYO'S SEAT! WoOoOoOoO!**

Ryo found himself sitting next to an elderly gentleman. He had a cane, platinum blonde comb over, and a huge pair of very thick glasses.

"Hello! My name's Ryo Bakura!" Ryo said cheerfully, flashing one of his famous happy smiles.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY PUNK?" the elderly gentleman said violently, turning to Ryo.

"Um…I just said hello," Ryo said.

"DON'T SAY THEM TERRIBLE WORDS!" the elderly gentleman screamed. "I HATE YOU FILTHY TEENAGERS AND YOUR ACID TOUNGES!"

"I'm really sorry if I offended you," Ryo said timidly, shuddering toward the wall of the bus.

"YOU'RE ALL LIKE THAT!" said the bitter elderly. "EVER SINCE THAT HORRIBLE DAY, I'VE NEVER TRUSTED A SINGLE TEENAGER! EVER!"

"Please tell me the story of your rage towards all people from 13 to 19!" Ryo said politely.

"Very well," said the elderly man. "It was in the year 1937…or was it 862…no, wait, it was 1479…bah, anyway, I had just become a man, setting off into the world, with a sack on my back, tics in my socks, and dreams in my head. But I couldn't help wondering why my head was so full, but my heart was so empty…"

ooo

**MEANWHILE IN SETO'S SEAT! WoOoOoOoO!**

Seto was sitting next to a very dark and mysterious stranger. The odd character was wearing a huge coat, as well as a hat brimmed so wide, you couldn't see his face. However, due to the fact that he had no heart, Seto didn't really care that this gentleman fit the stereotypical features of a true punk.

At that moment, a polyphonic ring that sounded like the theme song to 'Totally Spies' sounded from under the mysterious character's coat. Seto shot the dark figure a very disapproving look, and the figure quickly turned away, pulling out a pink cell-phone with a little Strawberry Shortcake key-chain, flipping it open. On it was a text message:

_The time to strike is now. You know what to do._

The mysterious character to a short glance at Seto, who was currently looking away, wondering when he would be able to get off this bus.

_Target in sight_ the mysterious person text messaged back…

ooo

**MEANWHILE IN JOEY'S SEAT! WoOoOoOoO!**

"-FAAAAAME'S WHAT SHE'S WANTING, YOU CAN'T GO FAR WHEN THAT'S WHO YOU ARE BUT FAAAAAAAME'S WHAT SHE'S WANTING, NOT A FACE IN THE CROWD BUT A DISPOSABLE POP-"

"Ah," said a punk kid wearing a nose ring, shaved off hair, a black, torn shirt, a pair of greasy black jeans, black nail polish, and several chains and body piercings. "I can tell from your horrible singing that you, my son, have the potential to be a completely stupid loser who pumps gas in his adult years."

"How did you know?" Joey asked stupidly.

"Because, my son, I am the master," replied the punk in a very Zen-y voice. "I know the secrets of putrid youth, and I have made it my destiny to stay on this earth to teach all to master its power."

"Oh, great master of putrid youth," Joey said, getting down on his knees in a begging position. "Please, teach me how to be a worthless loser!"

"Well, you already have a good head start," said the loser. "So, my child, your teaching begins! We shall now learn the basics of loserdom Lesson one, chain letters…"

**BACK WITH RYO**

"-and never have you seen such sparkly rainbows filled with sugar and magical flying ponies," continued the old man. "So, the buttercup pixies played happily in the bliss and shiny stuff, singing show tunes and about happy, fuzzy, sparkly things-"

Ryo's eyes were wide with awe at the beauty of the elderly mans detail of the sheer beauty of this scene.

"UNTIL THEY ALL GOT BOMBED BY NAZI SUBMARINES!" screamed the old man, waving his cane. "And that is what happened on my four hundredth birthday. Or was it fifth? Uh…uh…oh wait, is was my fifth-"

**IN MOBSTER'S SEAT**

"Doesn't he look wonderful when he's chatting with the elderly?" Mobster asked dreamily to her father, who was driving the bus.

"He's aight," he said.

"Oh come on, he's cute and British!" Mobster said.

"Look kid, I will not allow you to ogle around with any person you just find of the street," Johney said. "It shows a lack of character and a lack of class."

"But isn't that how you met Mom?" Mobster ask.

"Is that the point? No," Johney said. "The point is that I am you father, and I know that it's wrong for you to chase after boys that are much, much older than you. And deep in your heart, you know that too."

"Yeah…now that you mention it…" Mobster said.

"Plus, bride's parents pay for the wedding," Johney said.

"DAD!" Mobster screamed.

"Tellin' it how it is," Johney said.

"So when can I date?" Mobster asked.

"Oh ya know," Johney said. "Basicly, when you're financially independent."

"Great," Mobster said. "That'll be what, forever?"

**MEANWHILE WITH JOEY**

"-ah, my son," said the putrid youth. "You are very much in tune with the world of ignorance. You are one of the best students this old sensei's seen in a long time."

"Aren't you like, seventeen?" Joey asked, wearing a torn up tee and baggy camo pants with docks.

"My son, the life expectancy of my kind is much shorter," said the putrid youth. "Now then, for your true acceptance into the world of wasted golden years, you must pierce some part of you're body that isn't your ears, or at least do the ears several times."

"What are we gonna use?" Joey asked.

"The ultimate body piecing tool," said the putrid youth, pulling out a hole puncher from his pocket.

"Whoa, cool," Joey said.

**MEANWHILE WITH SETO**

The two mysterious fools still haven't made any headway on the conversation line, each much to uncaring of the world around them to give a rabid weasels ingrown toenail about the freak sitting next to them. However, they did seem to acknolege each other's existence by occasionally glancing at each other for a second, then turning around. However, the mysterious stranger decided to make the first move.

"Yo buddy," he said. "Your trench coat's on my side of the seat."

"I don't see your name on it," Seto said, not even bothering to give the weirdo figure a single glance.

As Seto said such words, the mysterious figure stood up, and from under his huge trench coat, he pulled out a ray gun. He then fired it at the chair, burning a line to divide the seat in half (giving himself the bigger half), and writing his name on his side.

"Your name's Stephanie?" Seto said.

"Ma wanted a girl," said the mysterious figure.

"I bet," Seto said.

"You're Seto Kaiba, aren't you?" said the freakish figure.

"I don't think it's any of your business," Seto said darkly.

"_AREN'T YOU?_" the dark figure said, aiming the gun right at Seto's face.

"So what do you care that I am?" Seto snarled, not really caring that he was staring down the throat of a gun.

"Finally," said the mysterious person, putting his gun back in his trench coat. Then, with that, he pulled out a sledge hammer from under it.

"Wait a second," Seto said in realization. "No…you're a-"

"**CHARACTER BASHER!" **screamed the freaky punk, swinging the sledgehammer right at him. Seto ducked just in time, because the basher completely uprooted the back of the bus seat, stripping off the base and burying into the wall of the bus.

"CHARACTER BASHER!" cried Seto, ducking once again to avoid another blow just in time.

"SWEET MUFFINS, NOT ANOTHER!" Tea cried in fright, grabbing Serenity's wrist. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE SERENITY!"

"Character basher?" Serenity asked, but just as she spoke, the character basher threw his sledgehammer at the two in a last ditch attempt to out them. Thankfully, he missed, but he did hit the wall of the bus hard, sending shards of bus stuff flying from where it hit. One managed to graze Serenity's cheek.

"Eep!" she said, not really in any true pain, a tiny dot of blood appearing on her cheek.

"Serenity…"Joey said, tears in his eyes seeing Serenity's far-from-a-million-dollar wound. "He…HE HURT SERENITY! JOEY ANGRY!"

"I'm not really hurt," Serenity said, brushing away the dot of blood.

Unfortunatly, due to seeing his best friend Serenity in any sort of pain, Joey was consumed…BY ULTIMATE RAGE! Everyone knows that when Joey gets really mad, his ultimate rage takes over, and he becomes, completely out of control. His muscles suddenly bulged, his shirt ripped off, and he grew a solid foot, eyes turning bloodshot red.

"YOU MAKE JOEY ANGRY!" Joey said, pointing very angrily at the character basher. "JOEY SMASH!"

And with that, Joey raised his oversized limbs over his head and used them to smash the ground in front of him. This caused a wave of metallic stuff that hit the character basher hard and slammed him into the back of the bus.

"What up?" Mobster asked, pulling a walkman off her ears, not hearing any of the previous.

"That was scary…" Ryo said, cowering in his seat.

"You, my son, have surpassed the teacher," the putrid youth said, bowing to Joey.

"Will you _please_ stop destroying the bus?" Johney asked to everyone in the backseat.

"Whew, that could have gotten ugly," Tea said, wiping the sweat off her brow. "Character bashers are just plain dangerous!"

At that moment, Joey shrank back to his normal, not-that-smart self.

"That was fun!" he said.

However, that probably wasn't a good thing, because the berserk character basher managed to pull himself out of the crater in the back of the bus. His eyes were narrowed to slits, and you could tell he wasn't happy.

"You think you punks can get a few cheap hits off me?" he said in pure rage.

"Yeah, I guess so," Tea said.

"Well, around this part of a city, when you mess with me, you have to mess with my bros too," said the character basher, pulling off his trenchcoat to reveal he was really only fifteen years old, and he wore a black tee shirt with a huge red X scrawled across the words 'Yu-Gi-Oh Characters'.

"HOLY #!" screamed Johney. "He's with the Dimagio Brothers!"

At that moment, crashing through three windows came three more Dimagio Brothers, each one in the teen years, each one equally surly.

"I'm Jeff, and I'm a professional Tea Basher!" screamed an older punk, wearing a black tee shirt with a huge red X over the words 'Tea Gardner/Anzu Masaki'.

"I'm Marcus, and I'm a professional Kaiba Basher!" screamed a kid a tad bit younger than the first, wearing a black tee shirt with a huge red X over 'Seto Kaiba'.

"And I'm Ted, and I'm a professional Joey Basher!" screamed the last hulking teenager, wearing a 'My Little Pony' tee shirt.

"Uh…" Tea said, pointing to the 'My Little Pony' tee.

"MY COOL T-SHIRT'S IN THE WASH!" yelled the basher.

"And what kind of Basher are you?" Serenity asked the character basher in the back.

"I'm Stephanie, I pretty much hate them all," said Stephanie.

"Come on!" Serenity said. "Deep in your hearts, I think you know you're being foolish. Can't we just talk this over and discuss the many stereotype views attached to our characters with a little explanation?"

"WE'RE GOING TO KICK YOU'RE SISSY BUTTS!" Ted screamed.

"YEEEEEEK!" Ryo screamed, not wanting to die.

"DARN YOU FILTHY DOGS!" screamed Mobster at the fiendish fiends. "The only way you'll get me and/or my British person is when you drag our dead bodies out of this bus!"

"And how do you plan to escape?" Jeffrey said.

"Say hello…to Ol' Betsy," said Mobster, pulling out a violin case.

"Oh God! Not that!" Johney said, quickly turning up the radio.

"AAAHH! You can't have a gun!" Ryo cried.

"You're only twelve!" Tea cried. "You're much too young to be carrying around killing machines!"

"Who said Ol' Betsy was a gun?" said Mobster, opening up the violin case and pulling out…a violin.

"Oh yeah, we're really scared of a string instrument," said Stephanie.

"Obviously you've never heard her play," said Johney. "If any of you have hearing aides, I suggest you turn them off now."

"Why?" Serenity asked.

"Do what the man says Serenity," Tea said, covering her ears.

"THROUGH THE DARK-NESS, I CAN SEEEE YOU'RE LIIIIIIIGHT," Mobster sang, playing her violin of doom. "AND YOU WILL ALWAYS SHIIIIIINE, AND I CAN FEEL YOU'RE HEAAAAAAART IN MIIIIIIINE, YOU'RE FACE I'VE MEM-OR-IZED, I IDOLIZE JUST YOU-"

To say that Mobster's singing sounded like a chorus of dying dogs howling on a four way intersection with a dozen tractor trailers zooming on it would be an insult to the dogs, the tractor trailers, and the four way intersection. One thing was for sure, here singing was so horrible it was a miracle the CIA wasn't swooping down and removing her vocal chords by force. However, it did work. The Dimagio brothers were writhing in terrible pain at the receiving end of the horrible music.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Johney screamed over Mobster's terrible singing. "SHE'LL DISTRACT THEM. GET OUT OF THE BUS NOW! SHE CAN'T SING THIS BADLY FOR VERY LONG!"

Seto didn't need to be told twice. He was heading right for the door, not wanting to spend another moment on the bus of fools. Of course, we can't make it that easy for him, can we? No, of course we can't. He was stopped right in the middle of the aisle by a well placed telekinetic force field.

"And just _where_ do you think you're going?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked, sitting in a seat right next to where Seto crashed.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" Seto asked in pure rage at being beat once again by a cuddly plush toy.

"The same thing I've always wanted you to do," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "The right thing."

"What the **BEEP** are you talking about?" Seto asked.

"Ahem, language," Ms. Fuzzy Kins said. "I don't talk sailor."

"_What do you mean?_" Seto asked between his teeth.

"Better," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "I can't believe you. These people were nice enough to let you into their house, give you something to eat and a place to rest, and risk their lives to get you and your…I'm not going to say friends because I know that annoys you, out of the city. And this is how you want to thank them? By just walking out and not even caring what happens despite the fact that you know how to stop all this?"

"What are you talking about?" Seto said, pretending he didn't know what she was talking about.

"FYI, you're a bad lier," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said.

"What makes you think I'd do something that…MATURE?" Seto asked.

"If you can't do this one little thing, what makes you think you'd deserve your heart back?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"I HATE YOU!" Seto screamed, knowing he was caught.

"You'll thank me for this latter," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

Seto muttered darkly to himself, but went into another seat and quickly opened the window.

"Seto, this book is rated PG!" Serenity said. "I don't think it's high enough for you to jump out a window!"

"I hoped I would never have to use this whistle," he said, pulling out a little 'Hello Kitty' whistle out of his pocket. With that, he took in a huge gasp of air, and blew the whistle. No sound came out of it. It was totally silent.

"Um, I don't think that helped." Ryo said, quickly getting out of his seat to avoid the bad singing.

"Oh, it worked…unfortunately…" Seto said. "It's frequencies are too high to be heard by the human ear. Instead, it calls something else…half human…half…darkness…."

However, as if that wasn't bad enough, Mobster collapsed with exhaustion, not being able to sing and play music any worse any longer. She fainted backward toward our heroes.

"Mobster!" Ryo cried, quickly pulling her out of the way as a huge sledgehammer nearly crushed her.

"So, you tried to out the Dimagio brothers?" said a very angry Stephanie, along with the others, recovering from the horrible singing. "Well, now you all die! EVERYONE ON THIS BUS!"

"I can't believe this is the end!" Tea said. "Us and all these poor people!"

"I hope you all know, you've been the best friends I ever had!" Serenity cried.

"I agree with Serenity!" Ryo said, tears in his eyes. "Thank you all for stopping my dark side and not caring that I'm a whimp!"

"Thank you all for your support during my long battle with hydrophobia so I could eventually become strong in body and mind and swim across the English Channel!" Joey cried.

"You're being stupid again Mutt!" Seto yelled.

CRASH!

"HALT VILLIAN!"

All five looked up to see another window broken, and in it's frame stood a fifteen year old girl wearing a heroic looking pair of purple knee-high boots, purple gloves and a purple skirt with matching cape and a midriff tee that had a huge red heart with 'Yu-Gi-Oh Characters' in the middle of it.

"_Again_ with destroying all the windows!" Johney said.

"You, my friends, must let all of these innocent bystanders alone!" demanded the girl in a very heroic voice, "or so face the wrath of…FAN GIRL!"

"'Half human, half darkness'?" Serenity asked.

"Maybe I was exadurating a little bit," Seto said.

"Ha! You're too late Fan Girl!" said Ted. "We're going to kill everyone on this bus, and there's nothing one little girl like you can do to stop us!"

"Never underestimate the power of little girls!" said Fan Girl "Why, just five seconds ago, you were cowering in the fear of a twelve year old in a violin. BUT NO MATTER! It will now be my duty to kick the crud out of your basher butts!"

"And how to you plan to do that?" Marcus said challengingly.

"ASSEMBLE MY YU-GI-OH FAN ARMY!" screamed Fan Girl heroically.

"TEA FAN!" said another super hero girl, breaking another window, with pink instead of purple, and a huge heart around 'Tea Gardner/ Anzu Masaki'.

"JOEY FAN!" screamed another girl after another window crash, her outfit in green, and huge heart around 'Joey Wheeler/ Katsuya Jonouchi'.

There was a small pause, as if waiting for something to happen.

"Have any of you seen Manda?" Tea Fan asked the others.

"YEEE! YOU'RE SO CUTE!" screamed a girl in blue, hugging Seto.

"MANDA!" Fan Girl screamed. "GET OVER HERE!"

"But can't I just-" Seto Fan started.

"NO!" the other three screamed.

Seto Fan muttered darkly to herself, walking to the other three.

"And that's why I hate to blow the whistle…" Seto growled angrily to himself.

"Hey, where's Serenity Fan and Ryo Fan?" Serenity asked.

"Serenity Fan's at a wedding and Ryo Fan's out sick," Joey Fan said.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Stephanie screamed. "WE'RE GOING TO BEAT THE UTTER CRUD OUT OF YOU!"

**A FEW MINUTES AND SEVERAL PUNCHES LATTER**

"Darn, they kicked the crud out of us," said Marcus, being tied up by Tea Fan.

"Well, looks like our work here is done!" Joey Fan said.

"Thank you so much Fan Girl…even though you destroyed a lot of my bus…" Johney Roma said.

"Is there any way we can thank you?" Tea asked.

"Just tried not to get dubbed any worse in the Anime!" Fan Girl said with a salute.

"We will!" Ryo said.

"Here's my number," Joey Fan said, giving Joey a piece of paper, which he promptly ate.

"Liz…" Seto Fan said.

"FAREWELL!" Fan Girl cried, her and the other three jumping out of the bus window and flying into the sunrise.

"What'd I miss?" Mobster said, suddenly regaining conciousness.

"Well, here we are," said Johney Roma, hitting (literally) a huge sign that said 'City Limits'. "I need to go to see if my insurance covers character bashers and fan girls."

"Uh, thanks," Serenity said. "Hey Tea! If you hate your job so much, wanna come along with us?"

"Sorry," Tea said. "Until a better day comes, I'm stuck here, helping others until Summer Vacation ends or I get fired."

"Thank you all so much for your help!" Ryo said, hopping out of the bus.

"See you!" Serenity said, picking up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and hopping out of the bus.

"I love you!" Joey said, jumping out a window.

"Uh…thanks…" Seto said, trying to be nice-ish as he walked off the bus.

"I'm gonna miss those weirdoes," Johney said.

"Bye guys!" Mobster said. "Hey look! The plushie left us a wad of cash as a tip! COOL!"

"Farewell my son…" said the putrid youth, sitting down. "There goes the next of the masters…"

"Wanna hear why I hate teenagers?" the old man asked.

ooo

End chapter!

That was such a fun chapter to write! I don't know why…but I'm weird that way!

Lets see…I don't own any of the following:

'Fame' by SR71

Strawberry Shortcake

Hello Kitty

'Your Still You' by Josh Groban

Okay, a look at the next chapter!

ooo

"Maybe this will give us some answers," Serenity said, flipping open the journal on top of the PS2, "like why we're being kidnapped here and how come everyone who comes here has never been seen again…"

_I kidnap people who are lured into my lair so I can do radical, unethical bio-experiments on them!_ read a particularly odd part of the page Serenity turned to. _If the testing fails, I simply erase there memory and transport them to a random condo in Niagara, where they are never seen again!_

"Well, that answers one question, but what kind of unethical bio-testing is being performed?" Serenity asked, flipping to another page.

_My unethical bio-experiment is to see if the human personality can be transferred to another human! Unfortunatly, all have failed to date, and people grow extra appendages or start speaking fluent Swahili! _another passage read.

"Well that answers another question, but who on Earth did this?" Serenity asked, turning to another page.

_I totally did this!_ the passage read.

"Well, that doesn't quite answer my qu-" Serenity started, but then she turned around, and seeing that Joey once again found a way to kill himself in the stupidest way possible.

ooo

See you next Friday!


	13. If I Only Had a Switcharoo

"_I want to be young and wild, then I want to be middle aged and rich, then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf."_

-Rowan Atkinson as 'Blackadder'

Words to live by!

Now for the super cool and super nice people who reviewed me!

Gothangelmyu

Behold, I have updated much soonly!

I can't believe how many people loved this chapter! I got so many reviews on it. Though I'm glad all is forgiven! And I'm also glad your back for another round! I hope this one is just as randomly funny as the last! MUA HA HA HA! Uh, and enjoy!

OnixMage

Thank you! Awesomly cool name!

Broken and Bleeding

I hope you have your sister's permission…

Anyway, total thank yous for liking this story and taking the time to review it! Hope you and/or Broken and Bleeding comes along again!

An Unknown Someone

I would never make the gang suffer the horror of facing against 4Kids. If I did, I would have to jack this story's rating to R.

I really don't _hate _4Kids, but it would be nice if they left all the cool stuff in the show in, not fill up the 'picture tells the story' spots with dialoge, and…actually say the word 'die' once in a while. I mean really.

Anyway, glad you liked it! Please come back!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Great to see you again! Whazup?

The Fan Girls, while being very cool characters, do have a sort of frightening weirdness surrounding them. I won't ask why, I don't know either.

Ouch, flu, not fun. Still, scooters are fun, so I can understand. And still, missing school, even if you are sick, is kind of fun too. Less fun than a party, but much more fun than sitting through Algebra with a sub.

Hope you like this chapter tons and tons! Really, I do.

Anyway…Can't wait to see you again!

Funky Egyptian

Wow, I never expected anyone to actually smash their computer…

Don't worry, I'm used to semi-late reviews. I get them as late as the Thursday night before I put up my story.

I'm glad you liked the bashers VS fan girls. I'm a tiny bit (okay a BIG bit) of a fan girl for Yu-Gi-Oh, and I can't stand bashers. I respect the fact that some people don't like characters on Yu-Gi-Oh, but when the actually make characters like Tea get run over by a bus, then get back up again to get hit by a bigger bus…it just seems _wrong_.

Actually, the 'live your life' thingit came from a billboard sign outside a church in my many travels across the rural state. I fell in love with it so much, I took it as one of the quotes from my infinite(ish) wisdom! Feel free to use it!

Okay, I get three guesses right? Um…uh…hm…em…I GOT IT! YOU'RE A MARIK FANGIRL!

(Keke) kidding! I didn't plan on having a lot of Yugi in this story, but I shall see what I can do! Promise.

Hope you like the nexty updatesy!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

Writer's block totally blows. I feel your pain.

Of course I missed you! oO,Oo I haven't seen any of you lately! Sorry if I'm freaking you out.

Anyway, can't wait to see your update, and I hope you come back soon!

TwinSanity

Woah…that was an awesome story! You should make a fanfic based on that!

I don't mean I'm glad Mani got hurt (in fact, I'm not happy! Point out that drunken loser, and the flying, fuzzy bunnies are…ahem, going to run a little errand…), I just think it's a cool little story.

HAVE I MENTIONED HOW GREAT IT IS THAT YOU'RE BACK? Yay! Go Mani, Go Mena, Go Toli, Go Jesselda…

Uh, sorry. GUESS WHAT I WAS EATING!

Yugi Fan! I love it! Even if sugar-highness is involved!

Well, I can't wait to see you guys stop by again! And if you thought last chapter was good…keh, you'll love this!

Philsorapter

Cool! You came back!

Oh…do tell. What happened? The thing is, quite recently, I got rejected from drama club for being 'not good enough for a lead part, and the minor parts go to the better looking players'. Well, I don't know about the better looking part…

But anyway, if your spirits are down, it's my job to shoot them back up. So…I MADE THIS CHAPTER EXTRA CRAZY FOR YOU! Hope you enjoy it, and hope hope hope you feel better!

Sniff…I miss KaiMai…

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

If I Only Had a Switcharoo

"So now where are we?" Ryo asked, as our four very peculiar adventurers found themselves walking through another woodland forest upon the yellow brick road.

"I don't know, and I also don't know what's taking us so long to find Rhinestone City," Seto said darkly.

"What's Rhinestone City?" Serenity asked.

"The capital of Cuz, duh!" Seto said. "Jeez."

"Hey tooth fairy, you seem really mad today!" Joey observed.

"Uh, Joey?" Serenity said. "He's always mad."

"Oh, yeah," Joey said.

"So, back to the original question," Ryo said. "Where are we going next?"

"Happyland!" Joey said. "People love Happyland so much, once they go there, they never come back!"

There was a very awkward three second silence.

"Well…that's unnerving…" Ryo said.

"Joey, have you ever thought the people who go to Happyland don't come back because they're…"

"They're what?" Joey asked.

"Well…ya know…they're…" Serenity said uneasily.

"Stupid?" Joey asked.

"Well, sort of," Serenity said.

"Stuck inside a car?" Joey kept asking. "Susan B. Anthoney? In need of MRIs? Wearing false eyelashes? Really the Red Barron? Nose pickers? Single? Patting their tummy and rubbing their head at the same t-"

"DEAD YOU MORON!" Seto screamed.

Ryo screamed.

"Oh, yeah right Tooth Fairy!" Joey said. "What do you think I am? Shtoopid?"

"Yes Mutt, very" Seto said.

"Wow! Look at that!" Serenity cried, pointing to a large building.

The building was absolutely gigantic, and it contrasted the forest around it immensely. It was made of shiny chrome that made it look like a huge mirror, and little satellite dishes were spinning around at the top of it. There was a huge slide door in the front, and, unfortunately, the yellow brick road was going right through it.

"Oh dear," Ryo said. "Something tells me what's coming up next isn't going to be fun."

"Oh boy! Santa's workshop!" Joey said.

"No you moron!" Seto said. "This defiantly has the look of a laboratory that practices very mysterious and highly unethical bio/chemo/mechanical testing."

"Uh…how do you know?" Serenity asked.

"Do you want to know?" Seto asked.

"No, no, it's okay," Serenity said. "Well, if there's any time to proceed with caution, it's now. Got that guys?"

The others nodded in fright, in rage, and in stupidity.

"Alright, let's go then," Serenity said, and all four walked in.

As the sliding door opened, the room they walked into wasn't really that impressive. It consisted of blank, steely gray walls, and four open doorways, one at the north wall, one at the south, which was the one they entered, one on the east wall, and one on the west.

"Wow, this place is creepy," Ryo said. "Truth be told, I was expecting, I don't know, weird gadgets or something."

"This has to be a trick," Seto said.

"You're always so suspicious," Serenity said. "Maybe it's abandoned."

"Or maybe everyone got abducted by lump monkeys from space!" Joey said.

"Um…Joey, just what did you eat this morning?" Serenity asked. "Was there led paint in that furniture?"

"WOO! SHINEY!" Joey said, running through the east end doorway for no good reason at all, except those that exist in his warped little mind.

"Joey! Stop!" Serenity said, making the very bad mistake of trying to chase after him, despite the fact that he saw a shiny object.

"Joey! Serenity!" Ryo cried in fright. "Don't go down there! We need to stay to-"

But before he could say another word, a huge, metal door suddenly spurted out of the side of the east end doorway, completely sealing of Serenity and Joey from Ryo and Seto.

"I think we can safely define that as bad," Ryo said, trying to contain his terror.

"Gee, ya think?" Seto said sarcastically as the other three doors completely sealed themselves off as well, and the lights went off.

"I'M SCARED OF THE DARK!" a pair of Ryo eyes against a completely black background screamed.

"Yeah, great, that's just perfect," the Seto eyes said sarcastically.

"How are we going to get out of here?" the Ryo eyes asked.

"Well, first, we can't panic," Seto eyes said. "If there's one thing that causes problems its panic."

"Seto, your eyes are blue right?" Ryo eyes asked.

"You're freaking me out Ryo," Seto eyes said, narrowing angrily.

"No, it's just that behind you, there's a pair of eyes that are in very narrow, very angry looking slits," Ryo eyes said.

Seto eyes looked over to see there was indeed a very angry looking pair of eyes staring back at him, almost growling with anger.

"Huh, so there are," Seto eyes said.

"Can we panic now?" Ryo eyes asked.

"Sure, okay," said the Seto eyes, and the two both screamed at the top of their lungs. Then they were both knocked out.

"Well, that was easy," the evil eyes said.

ooo

**MEANWHILE WITH SERENITY AND JOEY! WoOoOoOoO!**

"Yay!" Joey said, picking up his prize that he had hunted down. "Shiny dime!"

"Joey! Are you al-" Serenity started, but for the eleventh time, she tripped on her platforms and fell flat on her face. "-are you alright?" she said panting, pulling herself along until she made it to Joey.

"SHINY DIME!" Joey said, showing Serenity the dime.

"Yeah, that's really nice Joey," Serenity said, pulling her bruised body to a standing position. "Okay then, now we just need to get back to Ryo and Seto, and find our way out of this dump. That can't be too hard, right?"

"Don't you always say 'That can't be too hard, right?', but it somehow ends up being too hard?" Joey said.

"Well, today's a new day," Serenity said, not quite sure how Joey realized that. "Okay, so we just need to…Oh my…"

She turned back to the doorway, only to see the metal wall had shut them out.

"This is terrible!" Serenity said. "Ryo and Seto were back there! They could be in trouble!"

"OH NO!" Joey said. "Ryo bakes awesome cookies and pasta dishes! Plus if the Tooth Fairy is in trouble, how will good little children who get their teeth punched out get huge wads of cash?"

"Uh…" Serenity said.

"DON'T WORRY RYO AND THE TOOTH FAIRY! I'LL SAVE YOU!" Joey said, but instead, he ran headfirst into a wall, and it turned out to be one of the few that didn't completely break when he did.

"Come on Joey," Serenity said, pulling Joey out of the wall, then finding another door for the both of them to go through on the search for their two comrades.

ooo

**BACK WITH THE OTHER TWO! WoOoOoOoO!**

We find our two losers, ahem, heroes, on the floor, still completely unconscious, but still alive.

"Huh…wha…" Seto said, slowly coming too. "Oh man…I must have taken quite a fall…my head hurts so much…I wonder what happened to-"

Suddenly, he gasped to himself.

"RYO!" he cried in terror, looking over to the other side of the room to see our favorite British person lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh, you poor little British person! You've never hurt anyone! What…are you…"

Huge tears welled up in Seto's eyes.

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!" he cried. "SOMEONE KILLED HIM! OH RYO! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?"

"Ugh, what's going on?" Ryo said, his British accent in a much more angry tone. "Oh god, what's wrong with you, you sniveling little twit?"

"I…thought you were dead…" Seto said, tears still in his eyes.

Ryo then punched Seto.

"WAAAAAAA!" Seto cried.

"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" he screamed, brushing himself off as he got up. "You are, quite possibly, the most annoying thing that I have ever had the displeasure of being part of my l-"

Just then, Ryo realized he was brushing off a sweater.

"What?" he said in shock. "A JUMPER? Who in their right mind would wear something as gaudy and stupid as a jumper? It's cutsie! It's pathetic! It's nothing more than a generic label with no sense of individual flourish or style!"

Seto looked down at himself for a second. Then, he looked back up right into Ryo's eyes.

"Why am I wearing a dress?" he asked Ryo.

With one yank, Ryo tore off the sweater and threw it off himself. The poor outer garmet landed right on Seto's face.

"Hand over that trench coat!" Ryo demanded.

"What's the magic word?" Seto asked.

"HAND OVER THE TRENCH COAT OR I'LL TEAR OFF YOUR ARMS AND LEGS ONE BY FILTHY ONE…please," Ryo said.

"PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Seto cried, handing over the trench coat.

Ryo tore the trench coat out of his hands and quickly jammed his arms down the sleeves as Seto peeled the sweater off his neck.

"Ryo?" Seto asked politely. "May I try on your sweater…please?"

"Whatever," Ryo said darkly. "Finally, I feel like an individual person, not some stupid, crybaby, daisy picking freak!"

"I feel cuddly!" Seto said with the sweater on.

"Okay, that's it!" Ryo yelled angrily. "Something defiantly isn't right here! You're supposed to be the negative, wicked, aggressive, unkind, heartless jerk that so many people know and love/hate!"

"Oh yeah…" Seto said. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SO MEAN TO YOU GUYS!"

Ryo slapped him.

"YOU'RE SO UNKIND!" Seto cried in pain.

"I cannot believe I was ever such a baby!" Ryo said. "Okay, that's it, we're finding whoever did this, and give him or her the worst physical and mental beating of their sad, lonely lives! Hopefully we won't run into the mutt or whatshername-"

"Can't we just leave and not provoke any further problems?" Seto asked sweetly.

Ryo raised his hand.

"PLEASE DON'T HIT ME!" Seto screamed in fright.

"I'll do it later," Ryo said. "Now how the utter heck are we going to get out of here?"

ooo

Serenity and Joey had just found themselves in another room that was supposed to have an entrance to the room our two fools have gotten themselves locked into. Even thought the metal security walls were still down, the room was full of various items including a home computer system, a PS2, a 'Hello Kitty' alarm clock, a Barney journal, a Barbie sleeping bag, a thirty-eight inch plasma TV, and a bunch of random power cords strung every which way.

"This is obviously some kind of living space," Serenity said, walking around and taking a good look at the room.

"OH BOY! TV!" Joey said, sitting down and turning on the plasma TV, which was automatically set to a channel that had 'Sesame Street' on it.

"Maybe this will give us some answers," Serenity said, flipping open the journal on top of the PS2, "like why we're being kidnapped here and how come everyone who comes here has never been seen again…"

_I kidnap people who are lured into my lair so I can do radical, unethical bio-experiments on them!_ read a particularly odd part of the page Serenity turned to. _If the testing fails, I simply erase there memory and transport them to a random condo in Niagara, where they are never seen again!_

"Well, that answers one question, but what kind of unethical bio-testing is being performed?" Serenity asked, flipping to another page.

_My unethical bio-experiment is to see if the human personality can be transferred to another human! Unfortunately, all have failed to date, and people grow extra appendages or start speaking fluent Swahili! _another passage read.

"Well that answers another question, but who on Earth did this?" Serenity asked, turning to another page.

_I totally did this!_ the passage read.

"Well, that doesn't quite answer my qu-" Serenity started, but then she turned around, and seeing that Joey once again found a way to kill himself in the stupidest way possible.

"Joey…" Serenity said in horror, seeing just what Joey was doing, "…put…the cords…down…"

"Mmm, Spaghetti!" Joey said, holding up a ball of electric cords about thirty centimeters thick, about to take a huge bite out of them.

"Joey, NO!" Serenity screamed. "Those are electric cords! If you bite into them, you'll be doused in ten billion volts of pure, unfiltered electricity!"

"Pfft, yeah right," Joey said.

Serenity knew that this was one of the many times that Joey wouldn't listen to logic, which has caused many episodes of chaos in the past, as you have seen. So, dumbing herself down on many levels, Serenity quickly thought up a ploy to keep Joey away from the highly dangerous electronic equipment.

"LOOK! A DUCKY!" she cried.

"Where?" Joey said, dropping the cords.

"Uh…next to the metal door things!" Serenity said, pointing to the barriers that held Ryo and Seto. "It's invisible! You can't see it!"

"DUCKY!" Joey said, charging into the metal door, slamming into and causing a huge dent. Still determined to catch the ducky, Joey tried harder to slam through the door, causing another huge dent.

"Uh, you can stop Joey, I was kind of lying to you," Serenity said, but Joey kept slamming into the door over and over and over again anyway.

Serenity sighed. It seemed like everything Joey did somehow inflicts bodily harm to him in the end.

ooo

"What the-" Ryo said, watching as Joey's huge dents kept appearing in the side of the wall that held him and Seto captive.

"AAAAAAHH! IT'S SOMETHING THAT WANTS TO KILL US!" Seto screamed in horror, cowering behind Ryo.

"You sissy-boy!" Ryo said in pure annoyance. "If were going to die, at least die with a little pride!"

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Seto screamed again.

"Seto-"

"THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS IN LIFE I HAVEN"T GOTTEN TO EXPERIENCE!"

"You're annoying me!"

"I'LL NEVER FIND OUT IF I'M RELATED TO JIMMY NEUTRON!"

"Stoppit-

"OH, I'LL NEVER HAVE A DATE, I'LL NEVER BE MARRIED, I'LL NEVER GO TO THE PROM OR BE OF LEGAL DRINKING AGE OR OF LEGAL AGE TO WATCH A MOVIE RATED R OR VOTE OR RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF BASKIN AND ROBINS OR EVEN BE ABLE TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE VARIOUS FURNITURE OUT OF MACRAME!"

SMACK!

Ryo slapped him.

"YOU DISGUST ME!" Ryo yelled angrily.

"Sorry," Seto said, just as the wall burst down, and Joey was standing in the cloud of smoke and rubble, and light streamed into the very dark room

"I can't believe it!" Seto said. "I see the light! The light…it's so beautiful…"

"YOU IDIOT, IT'S THE STUPID MUTT!" said Ryo.

"Woo, shiny!" Joey said for no good reason.

"Oh, now you've gone and done it!" Serenity said. "Joey, why do you constantly have to cause so much property da-AAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Serenity screamed in shock to see Ryo in Seto's trench coat and Seto in Ryo's sweater. And also to see Seto's eyes filled with tears and Ryo's eyes down cast in a very displeased scowl.

"Because he's a stupid mutt, and it's his job to destroy and annoy?" Ryo said in a very agitated voice, very much unlike the Ryo we know and love.

"Serenity! Joey! You're alright!" Seto cried with relief.

"The unethical bio-testing!" Serenity said. "Someone preformed unethical bio-testing on you to switch you're personalities!"

"And _how_ do you know that?" Ryo asked.

"I read it in this journal," Serenity said. "That's why all of the people who come to Happyland mysteriously disappear. They're sent to condos in Niagara with their memories erased! They think they've lived there all of there lives, and don't know that they've had radical experiments conducted upon them!"

"But how come this unethical bio-testing is done on them in the first place?" Seto asked.

Suddenly, all the lights turned off.

"NOT AGAIN!" the Seto eyes screamed.

"Calm down, just stay calm," Serenity eyes said. "Nothing good comes from panicking."

"Actually, in confession, when we didn't panic, we got our personalities switched, so I guess it's one of those common misconceptions," Ryo said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Joey screamed. "JOEY NO LIKES THE DARK!"

"OH FOR CRYING!" Ryo screamed. However, one by one, he, then Serenity, then Seto, then Joey got knocked out.

"Hmm," said the captor. "Now how can I have fun with this?"

ooo

Joey was the first to awaken from being knocked out. He found himself lying on a cold floor in a dimly lit room, behind steel cold iron bars. The other three were also there, but they were still completely knocked out.

"What…happened…" he asked himself in horror. "Why am I…here? Why am I so scared? What's going on?"

Then, it all hit him at once.

"OH NO! That radical bio-testing that Serenity talked about! SOMEONE DID IT TO ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Oh, shut up already!" Serenity said irritably, getting up, rubbing the back of her head in pain where she got knocked out. "You're giving me a headache you sissy!"

"S-Serenity?" Joey asked in fright. "You too?"

"Yes, I guess my personality did get switched! So what?" she said. "At least I'm not crying like a baby like you are!"

"Oh no!" Joey cried. "If we got Seto and Ryo's personalities, than Seto and Ryo got ours!"

"Well, duh!" Serenity said sarcastically.

"Oh, this is extremely far from good," Joey said, crawling along the stone cold floor to Ryo's limp form, shaking it.

"Ryo," Joey said timidly. "A-are you okay?"

"Huh?" Ryo said, slowly getting up and rubbing the back of his head. "Joey? Yeah, it's alright, I'm okay…hey, something's not-"

He got a good look of Serenity with an angry scowl and Joey who was cowering in fear now that Ryo was awake.

"Okay, let me guess, unethical bio-testing?" he said.

"Okay, So Ryo got Serenity's personality," Joey said. "So that means-"

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

Seto was banging his head on the floor.

"Typical," Ryo said.

"Is it Sunday yet?" Seto asked, temporarily stopping trying to give himself a head injury.

"HE GOT THE STUPID MUTTS PERSONALITY!" Serenity yelled angrily.

"Holy crud! It's the Easter Bunny!" Seto cried, pointing to Serenity.

"Alright Ryo," Serenity said. "Hand over the trench coat!"

"Hand over the plushie!" Ryo demanded, and so they did a quick trade off.

"Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Ryo said, hugging her.

"Individuality!" Serenity said, throwing it on her.

"FEAR!" Joey cried in fright.

"Lollypops!" Seto said.

Suddenly, from the other end of the room, there was a very long and very painful scream coming from behind the door.

"Are any of you blood type B positive?" called a voice from behind it.

"Sorry, A," Ryo said.

"AB," Serenity said dangerously.

"Uh, A again," Joey said in panic.

"Q?" Seto asked in confusion.

"There's no such thing as a blood type Q!" the evil voice said.

"Well, he's an idiot!" Serenity called. "But he's only this way because you did you're stupid bio-testing on us! I swear, when we get out of here, I'm suing you for all you're worth!"

"Oh, you'll never get out of here," the evil voice said. "You are now in my power. I, the sultan of suffering, the king of causing pain, the supreme ruler of a land where only darkness dwells, and human suffering hails across the land!"

With that, the door opened, and there stood the most horrible, evil, fiendish fiend any of our heroes have ever seen! They were captured by-

"THE DARK LORD, CHUCKLES, THE SILLY PIGGY!" Chuckles said.

The others stared in disbelief.

"Ducky!" Seto said.

"This is…odd," Ryo said.

ooo

Whoa, that came out of nowhere!

Anyway, I do not own PS2, Susan B. Anthoney, the Red Baron, Santa's workshop, Barnie, Barbie, or Baskin Robins.

And especially not Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy. The idea to use him in this story came from an anonymous reviewer named…I don't know…

Anyway, I lack any good things to say, except that was probably the weirdest chapter I have ever wrote! I giggle at the thought of Ryo kicking butt…and Seto being a moron? Come on people, we all saw this coming!

Now…a premiere of the next one!

Oh wait, I do have something good to say. HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY ONE AND ALL!

ooo

"We've got to get out of here!" Ryo said, gripping the bars.

"Ah yes Ryo," Serenity said. "We'll just politely ask to be excused, pack up our things and go! Or maybe we could hook up a ride with a couple aliens!"

"Don't worry everyone!" Joey said. "I have…A CUNNING PLAN!"

"Huh?" Ryo asked.

But Ryo's question was soon answered. Taking up a small rock, in the dirt of the floor, Ryo outlined every aspect of his incredibly cunning plan, from the second it started, to the moment it would end!

ooo

Sorry, that one's bad and short, but still, the next chapter I think you will find very amusing…trust me.

Same time next week, then?


	14. If I Only Had a Scandanavian Belly Dance...

If I only had a brain…

Ah yes, me, the FBBI, and all of Pegasus's flying, fuzzy bunny hoards would like to wish everyone a Happy Easter! FREE CHOCOLATE FOR EVERYONE!

Anyway, nice people time!

Funky Egyptian

Wow, what was the thing you read five minutes ago?

Giggle, ya, that was probably the weirdest thing that popped into my warped little imagination. To be honest, if Seto ever said 'I feel cuddly', under any circumstances whatsoever, I would lose complete faith in the people who dub the series.

But that is so super sweet! And, hooray! I guessed right! You get extra free chocolate! ENJOY THE SHOCKING CONCLUTION TO THIS STORY!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Thanks for all SIX reviews you super nice person, and all of your crew and Yami! You get a truck load of candy!

Your bro has Marik's butt…oh my…

You really need to improve your diplomatic relations with Canada. May I suggest huge wads of cash? IT WORKS LIKE A DREAM! MUA HA HA! FEAR MY DIPLOMACY!

Snirk. I love the sneaky snake song…

And who doesn't like to poke fun at Yu-Gi-Oh characters? There so…POKEFUNABLE!

Anyway, YAAAAAAAY! Thankie spankies! ENJOY!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

YAY! Thank you for your extremely complementary words. YOU GET AN OVERSIZED CRATE OF CHOCOLATE!

Boy, your sister sounds computer savvy…I'm still trying to work on that virus.

I'm so glad you love this story so much! It does my heart good, especially since you are my only reviewer to review every single chapter. So you get…ANOTHER OVERSIZED CRATE OF CHOCOLATE! Now, you can take a few pieces and distract your sister away from easy-to-delete computer files.

I hope you enjoy this chapter so much that…em, well, I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Philsorapter

Aw…you get an oversized crate full of assorted candy treats (and a few quarters for coolness) for being labeled by first impressions. If I went to a demo, they'd stamp me, 'not willing to shut up and/or stop reading'. Good for you with the PE thing. I reek at PE.

You're welcome for the last chapter. It's no prob:-)

Is it not the ultimate funny? The only thing funnier would be to see Joey either running for president of playing the bagpipes.

MER HER! Enjoy the next round of crazy yet tactfully random insanity.

Broken and Bleading

I would have loved to see that…

So glad you reviewed again. That was super nice! I thought you were going to be those one hit and then your gone types…I can't wait to see you again! By Tolea, and the real BB too!

KaiMai

YAY! YOU'RE BACK!

Woohoo, woohoo, KaiMai's back, KaiMai's back…

Sorry. I've been especially crazy latly…don't ask why.

Joey and a cunning plan…two nouns you never expected to see even remotely close to each other.

The nicest thing about your review is calling my fic original. Funny is a wonderful complement, but original is so much more. And anyone who has or calls it original earns my ultimate respect. THANKS!

YOU ROCK! Come back some time okay? And pick up a mattress filled with chocolate on your way out.

TwinSanity

HI GUYS! Come and get a boatload of assorted candy!

I don't know what I like better, Seto acting dumb, Ryo kicking butt, Seto being a sob case, or Serenity kicking butt. It's a close tie!

You know…I'D LOVE TO HELP! I don't know how it would work…but I'd love to!

Can't wait to see you guys next chappie poo! And your update rocked. Can't wait for the next one…SO I CAN DESTROY ANOTHER WINDOW!

Bibo-Sama

Not true! You are so worthy! Some of yours looked really, really good! Take a huge case of chocolate!

Thank you for the nice review, and I hope you still like it!

Cute Lil Yami

Yay! If you laughed like a screaming lunatic, this calls for a celebration! BRING ON THE TWENTY LAUNDRY BASKETS OF CANDY!

I can't imagine our Seto in a jumper actually. Scary, scary…

THANK YOU TONZIES FOR THE REVIEW! HOPE YOU COME BACK FOR ANOTHER ROUND! And you know all know what time it is…

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

If I only Had a Scandinavian Belly Dancer

**THE STORY SO FAR:**

Okay, due to a wish, karma, and a fourteen-year-old psycho's silliest whims, our hero, Serenity Wheeler, has been catapulted via natural disaster to a magical land called Cuz, where things make as much sense as prime time television. Due to an accident, she accidentally kills the local town witch, and unleashes the anger of Pegasus the Not Nice Witch of the West and his horde of flying, fuzzy bunnies (and several other things). Also, due to a magical thingit, she receives a pair of magical ruby platform straps, which currently are killing her in more ways than one. However, on a hot tip by the beautiful, and somewhat manic, Mai the Good Witch of the North, Northeast, Serenity is sent off to the capital of Cuz, Rhinestone City, to lose the evil footwear and go back home to her frighteningly random mother who speaks in metaphors.

On her quest, she is joined by three helpless misfits who are quite possibly the only people in Cuz who are more out of place than herself. She is joined first by a blonde haired, extremely loyal yet completely out of it, frightening idiot named Joey, who wouldn't know the difference between a friendly handshake and a death warrant if he had his head cut off (he also has a nasty tendency to inflict great forms of injury upon himself), to go to Cuz to gain a brain, as well as the respect of others and the ability to not need someone to make sure he doesn't kill himself. He becomes Serenity's best friend, and is always willing to help her out of danger, even if his method really is…stupid.

Next, due to an incredibly mean twist of fate, she winds up "joined" by a heartless, sadistic, incredibly sarcastic weirdo by the name of Seto, who hates Joey and is nowhere near thrilled to be hanging around with Serenity, would be dead than to be seen in their presence, and, if not guided by his plushy cat conscious named Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, would probably do nothing for anyone unless he saw an angle for himself. He claims to be looking for his "stolen" heart, but the details of his motives are currently unknown.

Finally, after battling an evil spirit possessing by means of a magical Ax that was lost by a enchanted Generation X'er, our fools are joined by a extremely kind but incredibly cowardly/naïve albino named Ryo. Scared of his own shadow if it was tall enough, thinking being evil involves watching Anime for girls, and once (not kidding) being mauled by leprichans, it's obvious he's off to Cuz for some guts. While seemingly pathetic on the outside, inside, he's still fighting the evil thingit that nearly killed our heroes, so no wonder it's leaved his nerves in shambles.

From evil trees, to Midwestern showdowns, to incredibly evil drill sergeants, to two incredibly weird mob heads, our heroes have been having a wild adventure, and it's not even halfway done. However, that all may change when they've met their toughest opponent yet…

ooo

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, let me get this straight," Serenity said irritably. "We're being held hostage by a little pink pig?"

"Watch you're tongue missy!" said Chuckles, pointing a very threatening hoof at Serenity. "The last person who called me pink now has his individual body parts floating in separate pickle jars!"

"Why are you doing this?" Ryo yelled.

"Will you please let us go?" Joey asked politly.

"Would you like a threat to go with that threat?" Serenity asked threateningly.

"What's my name again?" Seto asked.

"Well, those are all very good questions with very good answers!" the evil pig said. "For quite a while now, I have been conducting radical genetic experiments to try to create a way to switch peoples personalities into other people's bodies. For many times, I struck nil, but I tried and tried and tried again-"

"WE KNOW THAT YOU STUPID PORKER!" Serenity yelled.

"Watch you're tongue I said!" the stupid porker said, waving the angry hoof. "Oh great, now I lost my train of thought! Okay, uh, long time doing this experiment, it failed, tried and, ah, got it. ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAY, you are the first experiments that worked so…CONGRATS FOR NOT MUTATING!"

"Do we get a toaster?" Seto asked.

"Mmm, no," said the pig.

"Will you give us back our personalities and let us go free?" Joey said with a slight hint of a beg.

"I was considering that too, but no," said the piggy.

"Okay, back to the original question…" Ryo said.

"AH YES!" said the piggy. "Now that I know my genetic experiments actually work, my incredibly nasty plan begins! So…kindly draw you're attention to the screen in the front of the room."

With that, a huge white screen came down, and the piggy pulled up a video projector hooked up to a VCR, and pushed play, and the lights went instantly dark. Then, the little countdown began on the screen, and at last, with a burst of after-school-special music from the sixties, the presentation began.

"Hey there everyone!" said a happy, peppy, blonde haired woman with an overly cheerful voice that wouldn't stop smiling. "My name is Kayla! And I'm here to talk about how The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy is going to take over the world and destroy you!"

"Wow, that's uplifting," Serenity said sarcastically.

"SHUT UP IN FRONT!" Chuckles yelled.

"Before we begin our presentation, let's have a quick look at some background information on your soon-to-be supreme ruler!" said Kayla. "Part One! About the Dark Lord!"

Everyone groaned.

"Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy was born on a small farm outside the remote town of Dallas Texas!" said Kayla. "He weighed exactly four ounces at birth, and was the fourth son of Kuckles the Silly Piggy, and Yuckles the Silly Piggy-"

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER**

"-and so, the first word the Dark Lord said was 'DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!'!" said Kayla. "He continued to wear diapers until he graduated from high school-"

"Um, excuse me," Joey said, raising his hand. "Pardon me please…"

"What is it whimpy boy?" Chuckles asked.

"Em, I was just wondering, even though you childhood memories are…in depth, I was wondering if it was okay if we could skip to the whole evil plan thing…"

"Well, I don't know," Chuckles said. "I'm not sure you're friends would feel the same…"

"PLEASE, WE BEG YOU!" screamed the other three.

"Alright!" Chuckles said. "TO THE EVIL PLAN!"

And so, the tap was fast forwarded through many other shots of Chuckles as a baby, parent interviews, and Kayla juggling a piano, flame thrower, walrus, and Bubbles the Chimp, until-

"And that was Part One of our show! Yay!" said Kayla, waving a pair of pom-poms around in happiness. "And now, it's time for Part Two! How he's going to conquer the world!"

Kayla suddenly snapped her fingers, and appeared in a little arm outfit, complete with a switch and helmet.

"The Dark Lord Chuckles, as you have seen from our previous presentation, is originally not from this time period!" said Kayla. "He originally comes from the dark ages, and is fighting a long war against a group of Barbarians who continue to kick his butt due to sheer, blind luck! However, using his mystical amulet, he traveled to the future where vast amounts of technological know how would be at his fingertips!"

Suddenly for effect, the mystical amulet of Hotswinborg appeared on the screen, followed by a little picture of Chuckles in a lab coat.

"Once he figures out how to switch peoples personalities, he plans to kidnap all of histories greatest fighters, and switch their personalities with pre-made personalities!"

"PRE-MADE PERSONALITIES?" Ryo cried in shock.

"Yes, pre-made personalities!" Kayla said with a big smile. "He will use his pre-made personality, of PMP, and implant them into the fighters, turning them into brainwashed pawns, which he shall use to conquer the ancient world, and forever rule as supreme dictator, crushing the barbarians under his fierce might!"

"But what are you going to do with us?" Ryo asked.

"Very good question Ryo!" Kayla said, flashing him a big smile.

"Wait, how did-" Ryo began.

"The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy plans to torture you, and when he gets bored with you, stuff you're bodies and turn them into trophies!" Kayla said. "He knows a wonderful taxidermist from somewhere called the Bates Motel!"

"I hope you know I plan to have a glazed ham for supper tonight," Serenity said dangerously.

"Shut up in front!" Kayla said happily.

"Okay, enough of this," Chuckles said, turning off the VCR, and the lights all came back on. "Any questions?"

"Actually, you didn't answer the other three," Joey said.

"No, no, and…I don't know, I think it's Mary Kate," Chuckles said.

"Seto," Ryo said.

"No, I just ate, thanks," Chuckles said. "NOW! Enjoy you're last few minutes of sanity, for once I have counquered the ancient world, I will enjoy torturing all of you!"

And so, Chuckles pulled out the mystical amulet, and, cackling manically, he aimed it at our heroes. Just as he was about to shoot a beam of incredibly deadly…something, the amulet suddenly fizzled and turned off with a fart sound.

"WHAT?" screamed Chuckles, shacking the mystical amulet violently, but, aside from a little jangling sound, nothing happened. "CRIMITY! How often do I need to recharge this thing? Oh, darn it!"

Then, realizing that he was losing his evil aura, he decided to imbue our heroes with a deadly, yet tasteful, cunning threat.

"Listen well mortals!" he said. "You have exactly four hour to live while I charge the weapon of your demise! Until then, I suggest you start seeing your lives flash before your eyes just like any captive does in the old movies!"

"Thank you for the suggestion," Joey said politly.

"MAUHAHAEHEHOEWOOJEEEHARHAHAGEEE-" Chuckles began on his incredibly long evil laugh that he is…legend for! However, this leaves our heroes in a critical position should they want to live.

"We've got to get out of here!" Ryo said, gripping the bars.

"Ah yes Ryo," Serenity said. "We'll just politely ask to be excused, pack up our things and go! Or maybe we could hook up a ride with a couple aliens!"

"Don't worry everyone!" Joey said. "I have…A CUNNING PLAN!"

"Huh?" Ryo asked.

But Ryo's question was soon answered. Taking up a small rock, in the dirt of the floor, Ryo outlined every aspect of his incredibly cunning plan, from the second it started, to the moment it would end!

ooo

"-and so, as the Scandinavian belly dancers start singing "Tainted Love", we jump into our ballon cleverly disguised as a balloon cleverly disguised as a huge flying thing!" Joey said, pointing to his diagram showing his rapidly scribbled drawings x's, o's, a picture of Tea, several pretty flowers, a picture of them in clown costumes, various shell fish, Donald Trump, a singing cat, bunnies, four phone opperaters, and a ton of arrows. "Then, we drive through our man made hurricane, and we can go hang out in Canada!"

There was absolute silence for a second.

"Okay, first of all, that's quite possibly the stupidest idea I've ever heard, making Seto look almost less stupid than he is," Serenity said. "Second-"

She slapped Seto.

"Serenity!" Ryo yelled. "Why did you do that? That was out of line!"

"I felt like it," Serenity said. "Third, how are we going to be able to disguise ourselves as female Russian asparagus mongers?"

"Oh, have off, were going to die in an hour anyway," Ryo said.

"AT LAST!" Chuckles said, returning to the room, carrying a battery charger. "Now I can charge my mystical amulet! Soon, all of you will die!"

Doing his stupid evil laugh again, he put the amulet in the charger, and went off to see the newest rerun of "Yu-Gi-Oh". However, when he left, Seto saw something he didn't see before…a shiny dime.

"Oh boy! Shiny dime!" he said, walking right through the gaps of the bars, being the thinnest member of the insanity circle, walked over to the table, picked up the dime, and walked right back into the prison.

The others glared at him angrily.

"I gots a shiny dime," he whispered to them.

"YOU COULD SQUEEZE THROUGH THOSE BARS ALL ALONG?" Serenity screamed.

"Huh?" Seto asked.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Serenity screamed, grabbing Seto by the throat and began to attempt to strangle him.

"SERENITY, NO!" Ryo screamed.

"You can't kill Seto!" Joey cried. "It's mean! We'll get angry reviews!"

"You're up next, so shut up," Serenity said, still attempting to strangle Seto with her bare hands.

"Um…we need him alive?" Ryo tried.

Serenity weighed that in her mind. Seto dead, their escape…Seto dead, or their escape…Seto dead…their escape…

"Fine," Serenity said, dropping Seto like a rock.

"I like eggplants!" Seto said with swirly-eyes.

"Okay Seto," Ryo said. "We need your help! You need to go outside of this cell, and figure out a way to set us free!"

"That's like asking a garden snail to put on a top hat and tap dance to 'Veritgo'," Serenity said.

"Not the point!" Ryo said. "Please Seto, you can do this!"

"Huh?" Seto asked.

Ryo sighed.

"Okay," he said. "We need you to go outside…open the door…let us out. Okay?"

Of course, that took four seconds for Seto to process.

"Yeah, alright," Seto said, walking right through the gaps in the bars, finding himself outside. Once he did, on thing in particular caught his attention.

The lock on the door was activated by buttons, each one glowing with a different colored light. One glowed green, and it said 'open door'. The other glowed red, and it said 'close door'.

And so, it was up to Seto to unravel this puzzling mystery. How would he deciffer this complex code? How would he figure out the secret to these mysterious buttons? Could this complex mystery be solved within one try without Seto inflicting large amounts of self injury?

Of course not. He tore the entire key pad out of the wall, and some of the wires got torn, causing Seto to be electrocuted by several thousand volts of electricity. However, the bared door, due to a massive power surge, fell to the floor on its hinges.

"That was more satisfying than I thought it would be," Serenity said, enjoying both freedom and Seto's bodily harm.

"SETO!" Ryo cried, rushing to his side. "Are you alright?"

"Got milk?" Seto asked, smoking.

"Okay, now what?" Serenity said.

"We're going to need to find Chuckles and stop his plan before he manages to escape back into the past and wreak utter havoc," Ryo said. "Then, we're going to need to find out what Chuckles used to switch our personalities, get our real personalities back, and then destroy them so they can never be used again!"

"That sounds…fun?" Joey said, trying to be optimistic.

"Carrots are fun!" Seto said.

"Alright, that means we need to split u-" Ryo started.

"NO!" Joey cried in fright. "We can't split up! When we split up, we just get our personalities switched around! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS!"

"PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN!" Serenity screamed.

"Well, I guess he has a point," Ryo said. "Okay, we'll set off together to look for the de-switch device. When we find it, we'll find the pork."

"I'm in the mood for ham," Serenity said darkly.

"Okay then!" Serenity said. "So begins the hunt!"

ooo

**A HALF HOUR LATER**

"Okay, we've covered the dinning hall, walk in closet, pool room, and upstairs bathroom," Ryo said, checking them off the list as they all sat in the edge of the tub in the bathroom. "So that leaves only…ninety four rooms to go."

"AAAAAAHH!" screamed Seto in panic. "There's a big scary person here, and he keeps looking at me! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!"

Serenity absentmindedly turned around to see what Seto was looking at to see that it was…his own reflection in the bathroom mirror.

"It's you, you fool," Serenity said. "I suppose the reason you didn't realize that is because the ability to identify your own reflection only spans as low as the rodent family. I suppose that's much too high an intellectual level for you."

"HOLY CRUD! HE'S STILL THERE!" Seto screamed in panic, still staring at his reflection.

"Wouldn't it make sense that the personality switcher would be in a laboratory somewhere?" Joey asked.

Everyone stood in embarrassed silence.

"Now why didn't we think of that earlier?" Ryo asked.

"I did," Serenity said. "But I don't like any of you, so I just shut up."

"Oh, sweat temptation," Ryo said, eying the shower curtain rod, wishing he could beat Serenity up with it.

ooo

**AN HOUR LATER**

"Okay, I it was wrong for me to assuming that someone knew where the lab is," Ryo said, as the four continued to wander aimlessly through the hallway.

"Wouldn't the entrance to such a lab be hidden behind a bookshelf, say in a private study?" Joey asked.

Another embarrassed silence.

"I suppose you thought that up too Serenity," Ryo mussed.

"Yes," Serenity said.

"Is there anything else we should know from your infinite and random wisdom of clichés Joey?" Ryo asked.

"Nancy Drew always looks so cute on the book covers," Joey said.

"I like pumpkins," Seto said.

ooo

**Boy this is getting pathetic…LATER STILL**

"Okay, in honest confession, I suppose considering everything we've been through for the past hours, it was _also_ wrong for us to assume where exactly the main study was," Ryo said.

"Oh, it's never too far from the master bedroom, which is never too far from the grand staircase," Joey said.

Another silence.

"In case you're wondering, I thought that up t-"

"Oh, shut up Serenity," Ryo said. "Okay, going one step ahead, where would the grand staircase be?"

"Right there," Joey said, pointing to the huge staircase made of polished hard wood and lined with a bright red rug.

"Of course," Ryo sighed.

ooo

**(finally) IN THE MAIN STUDY**

"Oh perfect!" Serenity said. "HOW MANY STUPID BOOKS DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH?"

Indeed, our heroes had found themselves in a room with books that weighed down every wall, of all shapes and sizes, from the complete works of Shakespeare, to the work of the Bronte sisters, to every issue of Captain Underpants ever published.

"Oh my gosh!" Joey said. "He's got all seven volumes of Harry Potter, English edition, American edition, and Lithuanian edition!"

"Well," Ryo said, starting to pull out books one by one from the shelves, "better start looking."

And so the epic search began for the entrance to the lab, our heroes pulling out every book they could find, trying to find the entrance.

"Virginia Wolf, no," Serenity said, throwing it, "Socrates, no, _The Tale of Genji_, no-"

"E.B. White, no," Ryo said, tossing it. "Patricia Cornwell, no, Brian Jacques, no-"

"Origami for dummies, no," Joey said, "Spice Gardening the Proffesional Way, no, How To Build Dovecots, no-"

Seto was currently trying to tear apart The New Websters First Edition Unabridged Dictionary in his teeth.

"No luck on Seto's end," Joey called.

"Okay, this isn't working," Serenity said. "There are thousands of books here, and it would take all day and night to search through them to find the secret lab. And so know, Joey will say-"

"-it would probably be activated by something like _The Three Little Pigs_," Joey observed.

"I KNEW IT!" Ryo said, walking over to the shelf that had a copy of such title, pulled out the book, and the floor swallowed them up into a cool little slide thing that led to a secret passageway.

"WEEEEEEEEEE!" said everyone except Serenity as they slid down the medal slide, while receiving may static shocks, and finally landed on a huge, fluffy cushion at the bottom to catch the sliders, except Seto, who got his face buried in concrete.

So, we get a huge, slow, sweeping view from the camera that shows us just how large the laboratory is, with several smoking vials, several sharp, pointy metal instruments, bunsun burners, nuts and bolts lying all over the place, a huge table presumably used to dissect human corpses, jumper cables, a clown for stress relief, several dusty bottles containing pure elements such as hydrogen, zenon, mercury, blah, blah, blah.

"Ooh…" Seto said.

"Well, I guess this is the lab then," Ryo said. "Now we just need to find what was used to switch our personalities."

"Maybe its that handheld device that's labeled 'Personality Switch Device'," Joey asked.

"Nooo, really?" Serenity said sarcastically.

"Yeah, really?" Seto asked.

"I'd ask you if you got a concussion from you're fall, but that's technically defined as _brain_ damage," Serenity said.

"Okay, so I guess we just press this button-" Ryo said, picking up the Personality Switch Device (PSD), and pressing the big red button in the middle of it. With that, a tiny wire shot out of a little compartment, with a little suction cup on the end, and stuck to Ryo's forehead, while another one shot out from a different compartment, and stuck to the nearest person, which happened to be Joey. Then, there was a large shock, causing the two to be painfully electrocuted, both falling to the floor partially burned.

"Oh God," Serenity said.

"The witch is dead!" Seto said.

"Huh…did it work?" Joey asked.

"I…I feel paranoid again…" Ryo said.

"HOORAY!" Joey said.

"Not hooray," a voice said, as a door automatically opened, and there stood the Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy stood in it, amulet fully charged and aimed at the four.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Ryo screamed in panic.

"Bad news, my items of ammusment!" Chuckles said. "Now that you have found the item of my evil plot, instead of torturing you for fun, now I just have to kill you! For none can know the secrets behind my operation!"

"Crud!" Joey said.

"PREPAIR TO DIE!" Chuckles said, doing his very long, very confusing cackle, and the amulet began to light up and spark-

which then fell out of his hoof as Serenity grabbed him by the throat and held him up in the air.

"Well that's neither good nor climatic," said Chuckles.

"Joey! Catch!" Ryo cried, which Joey did, quickly pressing the button. The two wires shot out, and one stuck to Joey's forehead, and the other to Seto's. Then, once again, there was a very painful electric shock, and both fell to the ground in pain.

"Joey, quick," Seto said. "Say something stupid!"

"TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey cried happily.

"Thank gosh!" Seto said, snatching the PSD out of his hand and quickly aiming it at Serenity. So the process completed again, and Chuckles fell out of Serenity's hand in shock, setting him loose.

"MUAHAHEHOOHEEHAHEAEAHAAAA!" Chuckles said, picking up his amulet. "Now, there is nothing you can do to stop me you foolish humans!"

"Oh yeah?" Seto said, back to himself, and holding the PSD over his head. "Your plan really doesn't work well unless you have _this_!"

"NOHOHO!" Chuckles cried in defeat.

"Heck ya," said Seto. "Now, if you want this personality switch device, hand over your amulet _now_."

"So what?" Chuckles said. "I have all the blueprints on it! I can just make another one!"

Just as he said that, Joey belched out loud, little pieces of blue paper strewn all around him.

"Darn," Chuckles said.

"_Put the amulet down,_" Seto demanded.

Chuckles didn't have a choice, he let the amulet drop out of his hoof, and the second he did, Seto crushed the PSD in his hand and tossed it to him.

"WHAT?" Chuckles said. "You promised!"

"I told you I'd give you back thePSD," Seto said. "I didn't state the quality it would be in when I did."

"CURSE YOU AND YOU'RE LOOPHOLES!" Chuckles said, about to snatch out his amulet, but then, _he_ got snatched up by Serenity, and she snatched up the amulet in her other hand.

"Now what are we going to do with you?" she asked, with a super evil grin on her face.

ooo

**BA-BAR-BAR-I-AN, BA-BA, BAR-BAR-AN!**

**DAAAAAAVE, THE BAR-BAR-I-AAAAN,**

**HUGE, BUT A WHIMP,**

**WITH HIS SISTERS, FANG AND CANDY-**

Suddenly in the middle of a perfectly good theme song, Chuckles came falling out of the sky, landing right on the floor of the palace face first, leg tingling a little from the pain of Serenity beating him up and then throwing him back into his proper place in time, Dave, Fang, Candy, Uncle Oshwitch, and Faffy all wondering what happened to him

ooo

_First I ran to you,_

_Now I run from you,_

_This tainted love you given,_

_I've given all a boy can give an'_

_TAKE MY TEARS AND LET'S START LIVIN'!_

_Oooooh, Tainted love!_

_Tainted love-_

"Uh, guys," Serenity said to the Scandinavian belly dances, who were dancing and singing on the side of the road that lead out of the town, "the chapter's over."

"Darn," they said, making their leave.

"Hey, wait a second," Seto said. "WHY AM I WEARING A SWEATER?"

ooo

YAY!

Okay, no one can call that an easy chapter to write, mainly because I kept wanting to match the character's names to their personalities, so sometimes I typed the wrong name down, so if there are any goofs, please forgive me.

Anyway, I think that was a very funny chapter to write, simply out of sheer weirdness! Wow, I can't believe this story ever got this far, and I'm having so much fun with it too! But the Scandinavian Belly Dancers at the end? That was just so…random, even for me.

Okay, enough gawking! TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

ooo

"MAI! STOP! YOU'RE HURTING HIM!" Serenity cried.

"At this point, I think that's her intention," Ryo said.

"Use this stick, it's pointier," Seto said, holding one up. However, Mai was done wailing on Joey, and Joey lay beaten up on the ground.

"Okay then," Mai said, walking over Joey's beaten up body. "If you want a pirate ship so bad, fine. However, I need to warn you, the only pirate who's out in active ferry service isn't exactly…"

"Kind?" Ryo asked.

"Sane," Mai replied.

"Oh dear," Ryo said.

"Anyway, I wish I could help you a little more," Mai said. "Good luck, and be careful. The closer you get to Pegasus, the weirder things get around here."

"Thank you Mai!" Serenity said, as Mai went off to continue tanning.

ooo

SEEYA!


	15. If I Only Had a Band of Scurvy Sea Dogs

**PSYCHO AUTHORESS PRE-NOTE: WHEN ANY OF THE FOLLOWING DIALOGE IN THIS BOOK **"_looks like this_", **IT MEANS THE PERSON TALKING IS SPEAKING SPANISH!**

Serenity: Yo peoples! Wazzup!

Ryo: (holding and armful of streamers) I suppose you're all wondering what we're doing.

Joey: PARTY!

Serenity: (hanging up a 'party' banner) Yep! More specifically, it's a party…FOR OUR READERS!

Ryo: Only a few weeks ago, Shrilanka-San got her one hundredth ever review, so to thank all the nice people who have helped her through it all…WE'RE THROWING YOU A GREAT BIG PARTY!

Seto: How come you get to do all the explaining and I have to babysit Joey? Who cares if he eats the stupid confetti again?

Serenity: That's the kind of attitude that screams 'first one in the spin-the-bottle circle' to me.

Seto: (turning around) Here, Joey, Joey, Joey.

Tea: We even got invited!

Yugi: (With boom box) I brought the Barenaked Ladies!

Mai: I'm the reason everyone comes.

Mobster: (With violin case) Me an' Dad are just here to crash it!

Serenity: Thankfully Ryo…forgot to send the invitation to the fan girls. ANYWAY! I think a few thank yous are in order!

Ryo: Right! In no particular order, thank you to all of the following! Gothangelmyu, nkitty29, Nashida…

Mobster:…A whole bunch of anonymous someones, KaiMai, formally known as Mifurey…

Yugi:…Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler, Twinsanity, formally known as Meant2Live, beatlegirl…

Joey:…uh…I forgot my line…OH YEAH! Mana-the-Authoress, Dark Daisy, and Nightbringer!

Tea: …Anordin, serenity-Yugioh-fan05, Mokuba's Official Glomper…

Seto: I really don't care, so just go onto Mai.

Mai: Aron, Yamiko Yakou, ImortalOfGoodness…

Johney Roma: Kiwigirl89, Funky Egyptian, chexfan200…

Pegasus: Broken and Bleeding, Onix Mage, Philsoraptor…

Serenity: Cute lil' Yami, Bilbo-sama, Komoki Tsuno, formally know as Cake is Not for Throwing and I'll Kick Thine Posterior To Yon Foreign Lands of Albuquerque, and Dark Princess Saz!

Shri: (Opening door) Okay, I bought, ahem, baked the cake! So everyone, You know what that means!

Serenity: Altogether…

Everyone: THAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

(Everyone inhales painfully)

Shri: Okay then, letz git thees pawty staaahted!

(Yugi hits a button, and a huge sterio system starts to play)

Shri: Please help yourselves to the buffet table while I start thanking the nice reviewers!

KaiMai

Shri: Aww…THANK YOU AGAIN! Yeah, I can sometimes get a little bored with the repetitiveness of a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh fics, but I shouldn't be talking, because there are two other Wizard of Oz crossovers out on the net other than mine that I know of.

Joey: (Looks at confetti) Mmm…CANDY!

Seto: JOEY! NO! I DON'T WANT TO KISS ANYONE!

Shri: Anyway…eating chocolate for days! Sounds good to me! Oh… ENJOY THIS CHAPTER! Pleasy!

Philsorapter

Shri: Cool! I hate PE too!

Serenity: How do you dress up like a Russian Asperragus Monger anyway?

Shri: I have a feeling asparaguss' are somehow involved…but that's not the point! I'm glad you love the random humor so much! It's my forte. Anyway, THANK YOU!

Ryo: But make sure you brush your teeth after every sugar rush!

Mai: You're such a prude…

Funky Egyptian

Shri: I have had a couple questions about the pirate ship…it was really hard to pick a blurb from this chapter, and that was the best I had.

Seto: I see too, she is enjoying her chocolate.

Shri: (turning) YUGI! STOP DANCING ON THE REFRESHMENT TABLE!

Serenity: Come back soon!

An Unknown Someone

Shri: I kinda have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that Marik probably isn't showing up in this story-

Marik Fangirls: WAAAAAAH!

Shri: But the good news is that he'll star in my next one.

Marik Fangirls: YAAAAAAY!

Shri: I don't hate dubbers that much either…they annoy me sometimes, tis all.

Cute 'lil Yami

Shri: Yes… truly the previous was the scariest chapter I ever wrote…

Seto: NO ONE CAN PROVE I WAS AN IDIOT! NO ONE! NO OOOOOONE!

Shri: Uh…anyway, I like the twists in this story to, and it makes me totally happy that you do to! SO ENJOY THE NEXT HELPING OF…INSANTIY!

Komoki Tsuno

Shri: AWESOME! You got a screen name!

Mobster: Juni does seem eager to hack into computers…IS HE SINGLE? Or British?

Shri: (With huge sack of chocolate) Don't worry! I saved some chocolate for you guys! So eat up…and your always welcome to raid the buffet table.

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Shri: I'd give Chuckles to you if I could, but technically, I don't own him. You see, he's actually a character on a very funny cartoon called _Dave the Barbarian_, and I love it so much, I somehow needed to work him in.

Serenity: But is that the point? No. THANK YOU! And enjoy the next edition of the highly confusing adventures of us!

TwinSanity

Shri: Deleted story? COOL! I'd love to see it!

Serenity: Anyway…I bet it was funny to watch Mena and Mani dissolved into histerical laughter!

Shri: Anyway, ENJOY!

Serenity-Yugioh-fan05

Shri: HI! Loved your update!

Tea: It was very funny!

Shri: Yeah! I hope you come back soon. Oh, and to also enjoy the chocolate I saved for you!

Kaibafan

Shri: There's only one thing I can say to that…THANK YOU!

Kiwigirl89

Shri: The fic…so odd…which is what makes it cool!

Serenity: I loved the western chapter to…I KICKED BUTT!

Shri: Uh, anyway…enjoy this chapter too!

Dark Princess Saz

Shri: YAY! I do kinda like making people happy. It's a lot better than making people sad, that's for sure! BUT ANYWAY! Is this a never ending circle of happiness? Don't know. But thank you so muchies! I'm glad I was worth two whole hours of your time. And now…

Everyone: ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

If I Only Had a Band of Scurvy Sea Dogs

"So, if we've been through unethical bio-testing, manic fan girls, berserk drill sergeants, and British obsessed mob leaders, what else can we possibly be brought up against?" Ryo asked, as he and the others continued to walk down the road.

"Ryo," Serenity said, giving Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and extra cuddle, "in a world of aproximatly six point two billion people, we've only met two dozen. I think you can do the math."

"I'm getting more and more tired of this trip the farther we go," Seto said angrily.

"You we're tired of it when we first set off," Serenity said.

However, all four suddenly stopped in their tracks, in shock of what they saw.

"Oh God," Serenity said.

"This isn't good," Ryo said.

"Crap," Seto said.

"Ice cream!" Joey said.

They looked a couple yards ahead of them down a hill, and there they see that the yellow brick road…went straight into as small sea.

"Um…" Serenity said, "…you all know how to swim right?"

"Oho no," Seto said. "I've been through a lot the past couple of days, but you will never, NEVER make me swim for miles. Out of my boundries!"

"You can't swim then?" Serenity said.

"MAYBE!" Seto snarled.

"Sup?" said Mai, walking up the shore carrying a beach towel, wearing sunglasses and a green and blue string bikini. Joey automatically started drooling.

"Mai?" Serenity asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Tanning," Mai said, pulling off her glasses. "Oh, and also to warn you that this section of the yellow brick road goes straight through water."

"We kind of already figured it out," Serenity said.

"Who, dare I ask, are you?" Seto asked irritably.

"Woah…" Joey said.

"I'm Mai, the Good Witch of the North, North East," Mai said. "So, how are you all doing?"

"Okay I guess," Ryo said. "The weather's been really nice lately!"

"Uh huh," Serenity said. "Really mild for this time of year…"

"Alright, enough gabbing about your meaningless lives!" Seto said. "How, gosh darn it, are we supposed to get to the other side of this sea?"

"Oi, where'd you pick up this punk?" Mai said.

"In the Empersec area," Serenity said.

"Never liked Empersec," Mai said. "Anyway, the only way you're going to get across this lake is if you swim…or take a boat."

"I vote for the boat!" Seto said.

"You shouldn't!" Mai said. "It's a Sunday! The only boats that will be out are pirate ships!"

"At this point, we're desperate," Seto said.

"Actually, I'm a pretty good swimmer," Serenity said.

"Me too!" Ryo said.

"You're a girl!" Joey said, staring at Mai.

"And…just who are you?" Mai asked Joey.

"A pretty girl!" Joey said.

ooo

**THREE SECONDS LATER**

"Tell me when it's over!" Ryo said, shielding his eyes and cowering behind Serenity.

"MAI! STOP! YOU'RE HURTING HIM!" Serenity cried.

"At this point, I think that's her intention," Ryo said.

"Use this stick, it's pointier," Seto said, holding one up. However, Mai was done wailing on Joey, and Joey lay beaten up on the ground.

"Okay then," Mai said, walking over Joey's beaten up body. "If you want a pirate ship so bad, fine. However, I need to warn you, the only pirate who's out in active ferry service isn't exactly…"

"Kind?" Ryo asked.

"Sane," Mai replied.

"Oh dear," Ryo said.

"Anyway, I wish I could help you a little more," Mai said. "Good luck, and be careful. The closer you get to Pegasus, the weirder things get around here."

"Thank you Mai!" Serenity said, as Mai went off to continue tanning.

"She's hot…" an incredibly bruised Joey said, walking up the beach.

"Okay then," Serenity said. "We just need to find an incredibly large and somewhat ominous pirate ship, smooth talk the captain, pop on board, sail across, and we'll be back on the road again!"

"Like that one?" Joey said, pointing to a large pirate ship, painted pure black, containing red sails and a skull and cross-bone flag torn apart and blowing in the breeze.

"It is a bit ominous I guess…" Seto said.

ooo

"Hello?" Serenity called, as the four plus plush toy made it to the side of the huge, dark pirate ship. "Is anyone up there? We need a ride!"

"AAAARGH!" screamed a voice from the top of the ship, and peering over it was a very grungy looking pirate, with the typical pirate look (large eyepatch, parrot on the shoulder, long, tangled black beard, one leg, not a lot of teeth, etc.). "Who goes there young land leggers? Who you beez?"

"Potential customers," Seto said.

"OH BOY!" the pirate said. "Argh, moi name is Dumpling the Pirate, and this here be my trusted parrot buddy, JACK THE RIPPER! Which is short, for NATILE!"

"Hello!" Joey said.

"Nice to meet you!" Serenity said.

"Whatever," Seto muttered.

"It's a pleasure!" Ryo said.

"BOW WOW WOW!" said the pirate, big heart eyes at the sight of Ryo. "Oi, baby! I've seen many young land fairing lasses in moi day, by you, fair lady, are the by far the fairest of them all!"

"Em…that's very flattering Mr. Dumpling," Ryo said, "but…uh…I'm a guy…"

The pirate stared at him for a minute.

"So?" he said.

"Oh…kay," Serenity said. "Anyway, all we want is a quick ride across the sea to find the other end of the yellow brick road. Do you know where that is?"

"Aye," said the pirate. "It will take thee ship a day and a night, a day and a night, and a day and a night."

"You could just say 'three days' so I wouldn't have to question your math skills," Seto said.

"Will you please take us to the other end of this sea Mr. Dumpling?" Ryo asked.

"Lass, I would sail around the world a thousand times fer you," said the pirate.

"I'M A GUY!" Ryo cried in distress.

"Argh, but from yer lubber friends, I expect fair payment!" said Dumpling. "Have ye on ye a Ruby from the islands of oriental seas?"

"Um, no," Serenity said.

"Have ye a string of find pearls, torn from clams of every shore of all seven seas?" the pirate asked.

"I…don't think so," Ryo said.

"Alright, just ask us to fork over a twenty already before I get nasty," Seto said.

"Argh, yon lady has the fire in her eyes!" the pirate said joyfully.

"You better shut up before I out your other eye!" Seto said, holding up a very threatening fist.

Serenity raised a platformed heal over Seto's foot.

"Okay, no need to get threatening!" Seto said (hypocritically) and pulled out a twenty. With that, a gang plank went down, and the four were free to enter on board the ship.

"ARGH!" Captain Dumpling said, snatching the twenty out of Seto's hand. "The breeze is in the sails! The tide is at its highest! I've got fat pockets! MY CREW! WE NOW SET SAIL!"

"Uh, crew?" Serenity asked.

With that, Dumpling blew a long whistle through two fingers, and a small band of completely pathetic pirates assembled around the four, each one looking more of a misfit than the other.

"Allow me to introduce mah ghastly pirate crew!" said dumpling. "First, John the Irritable!"

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT PUNK?" screamed the incredibly burly, completely bald pirate with a striped bandana around his head and one two many body piercings and tattoos for this psycho authoresses taste, punching Seto in the face for no good reason.

"Looks like you're going to be fast friends," Serenity said, with a hint of panic in her voice.

"This be Maria the Spainard!" said Dumpling, indicating a short woman with tanned skin, thick, dark hair, and huge brown eyes.

"Hola senor," she said, shaking Ryo's hand. "Como esta?"

"Em, I don't speak Spanish…" Ryo said, "How do you say it? No hablo Espanol?"

"_Ah, that is a good thing sir, because you are the most pathetic excuse for a man I have ever seen, and I want to insult you without having the inconvience of killing you when you try a pathetic attempt at putting up a fight,_" said Maria.

"I don't know what she said, but she sounds nice," Ryo said cheerfully.

"That's Richard the Drama Queen!" said Dumpling, pointing to a pirate who was very trimmed up and looking like a wandering actor more than a bloodthirsty pirate.

"Oh, I can't imagine why you wanted to join us upon the great cloak of blue!" he said, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead. "It's so cold, when it rains it pour, and culture and intelligence aren't worth a drop of pain and consideration!"

"Oh, shut up Richard," a blond haired female pirate said, sitting on a rum barrel, absentmindedly tossing an incredibly dangerous looking dagger around.

"That be Nancy the Wise Cracker," said Dumpling.

"An' I'm also Nancy the Much More Good Lookin' Than You Scurvy Lot," she mussed.

"Joy, more friends for Seto," Serenity said.

"And last, and quite possibly least, Gabbo, the Doesn't Talk At All!" Dumpling said.

A quiet little creature in a long black cloak sat all by himself in the side of the back of another ale casket, not saying a word, small traces of incredibly large blue eyes the only thing showing beneath the hood that covered his face.

"Well hey there little mate!" Ryo said sweetly. "Is it true you can't talk?"

Gabbo said nothing.

"Thought so…" Ryo said.

"Wait a second," Seto said, getting up. "If he doesn't talk, how do you know his name is Gabbo?"

"Don't know really," Dumpling said. "He just showed up on board one day, we took him in, named him Gabbo, and that was that."

"So before I kill all four of you, what are you're names?" John said.

"Well, I'm Serenity, and he's-" Serenity started.

"ACH! NONE OF THAT!" Dumpling said. "You can't earn you're respect on this ship unless you say your name, then the word the, then something incredibly catchy to finish it off!"

"Okay," Serenity said. "I'm Serenity, the…Sane. And this is Ms. Fuzzy-Kins the Plushie!"

"I'm Seto," Seto said, walking over and punching John, "the Also Quite Irritable."

"I'm Ryo the PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" Ryo screamed.

"I'm…uh…" Joey started.

"-Joey the Irritating," Seto said.

"ROCK ON!" Joey said. "Thanks Tooth Fairy!"

"Alright there," said Dumpling. "Before ye can be properly accepted on this ship as an equal, ye must fit the Ultimate Pirate Cliche! Yuv got the the fear bringing name! Now, fer yer next task…"

**DOWN IN THE CABBIN! WoOoOoOoO!**

"-we have to do _what_?" Seto asked.

"Ye have to sing very bad sea shanties," said Dumpling. "We pirates consider it an insult if you don't know how."

"Aye," sighed Richard. "One few connections us pirates have to a world that has some true artistic and intellectual meaning!"

"Shut up Richard," John said.

"I don't think I know any sea shanties," Serenity said.

"Neither do I!" Ryo said.

"Ryo, you're British!" Serenity said. "You're come from a land that was sailing the high seas for God, Gold, and Glory! Sailings in your blood!"

"_Along with a few other nasty traits_," said Maria.

"Isn't the Spanish language so beautiful?" Ryo asked.

"Seto?" Serenity asked.

"I don't sing," Seto said.

"Why?" Serenity asked.

"If I sung, you'd die soon afterward," Seto said.

"You're that bad a singer?" Serenity asked.

"Who said it would be my _singing _that kills you?" Seto said evily.

"His looks are frightening enough," said Nancy.

"Shut up brunette," said Seto, but he was then nailed by a flying ale glass.

However, before anything else could be provoked, Joey began playing on a piano that happened to be lying around the side of the room in a catchy rythem, bursting into joyous melody.

_My father used to be a captain,  
__He was so ugly and so fat.  
__One day, when he played with his dollies,  
__He got murdered by a cat._

_The cat was soft and cute and fluffy,  
__Well groomed, adorable, and white.  
__My paw got a claw through the shoulder  
__And a really really bad cat bite._

_LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA  
__LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA_

_I came to see my mangled father  
__And though the cat was very nice  
__I patted him on his headsy  
__And gave him a bowl of rice!_

"_Thank you sir," said the kitty.  
_"_I haven't eaten in a year.  
__It was your daddsy's job to feed me  
__And that's why he's dead here!"_

_LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA  
__LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA_

"_No problem Kitty," is what I said.  
_"_But feeding you was my job!  
__I had, a hugy bag of cat food,  
__But I gave it to my puppy Blob!_

"_Blobs a stinky idiot,  
__Who's stupid, dumb, and not smart,  
__He has a bark just like a car horn  
__And a really smelly fart!"_

_LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA  
__LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA_

_And so the kitty sure looked angry  
__He pulled out a cutsie kitty claw  
__He ran it right straight through my heartsy  
__Just like he just did to my dead paw._

_So that's why I sing this songsy  
__A hot piano playing ghost!  
__Now pass me up some tens and twenties  
__Cause that's what I need the most!_

_LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA  
__LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA_

_LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALA  
__LAAAAAALALALALA  
__LA LA  
__LALALALALA  
__LA LA,  
__LALALALALA  
__LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

At Joey's not-good-not-bad musical talent, the pirates shouted hooray, and cheered heartily, banging the table, howling for an encore, singing a few drunken lines, you know, the usual things pirates do to celebrate cultural marvels. Except for Gabbo, who just watched.

"Ach ye we idiot," said Dumpling. "That was some foin singin'!

"I LIKE ICE CREAM!" Joey screamed.

**TWO DAYS LATTER! WoOoOoOoO!**

"So you're saying we'll make it to mainland anytime soon?" Serenity said.

"Argh lassie!" said the pirate. "Soon, ye and yer pathetic friends will be back on shore, doing whatever the heck you pathetic fools do!"

"I love being a sailor!" Ryo said sweetly, wearing an adorable little sailors suit and swabbing the deck with a huge mop. "IT MAKES ME FEEL SO ALIVE!"

"Ryo, running around in a sweater, singing sonfics to the tune of '1985', crying frequently, getting mauled by leprichans, all of the above suggests that you are quite possibly the most pathetic man alive. However, this," Seto said, pointing to the adorable sailor coat, "has got to be the lowest leg on the totem pole."

Ryo just stared at him for a moment.

"You know," he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "most people would be mad if they heard that but…the true sign of friendship is honesty!"

"Ryo," Serenity said, "I respect your whole 'pacifism' attitude, but really, you shouldn't take anything like that."

"What do you mean?" Ryo asked.

"Okay, repeat after me," Serenity said. "'This is being told to me by a man who runs around in a trench coat and was listening to who on a what colored boom box?'"

"Uh, is that with or without improvisation?" Ryo asked.

"Besides," Serenity added, holding up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who was also wearing a sailor suit, "SAILOR SUITS ARE SO CUTE!"

"I HATE YOU BOTH!" Seto said. "I hate to say that this is the stupidest thing I've seen on the entire ship, and unless something more ludicrous shows up before I finish saying this sentence, so help me-"

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Joey said, busting open the door to the cabin, walking out wearing a grass skirt, flower chain, and coconut bra. "WHO'S UP FOR HULA?"

Everyone gapped at him.

"You're off the hook," Seto said over his shoulder and walking toward Joey, rolling up his sleeve.

"I hope we get to mainland soon," Serenity said. "SETO, DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO JOEY!"

"Argh lass," said Dumpling. "We'll be walkin' on' dry land by tomorrow!"

**THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW**

"Okay, so we have no clue where we're going?" Serenity said.

"Nope," said Nancy. "We just sail around in circles until we hit mainland."

"And everyone neglected to tell us this earlier?" Serenity asked.

"Well, I don't really like any of you, so yeah, I guess I did," Nancy said.

"Ah, 'tis the sad, misguided life of a sailor!" said Richard. "Doomed to sail the high seas, around and around in circles, losing ourselves between the sapphire sky, and the sapphire sea, so we languish, 'til thou art not but nothing."

"Shut up Richard!" screamed John, punching Joey for no good reason.

"_Well, I tried to tell you, but you foolish English speaking curs couldn't understand me, so I suppose it serves you right,_" said Maria.

"Don't try to lighten us up Maria," Ryo said sadly. "Richards right!"

"I suppose you have nothing to say Gabbo?" Serenity said.

Gabbo said nothing.

"Argh maties, we bees just a bit off course!" said Dumpling. "We'll be there tomorrow for sure!"

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

"Are we there yet?" Joey asked.

"No," Serenity said.

"Are we there yet?" Joey asked.

"No," Serenity said.

"Are we there yet?" Joey asked.

"No," Serenity said.

"A-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" everyone other than Serenity, Joey, and Ryo screamed, Seto being the loudest.

"Um, how far are we from the mainland?" Serenity asked.

"I don't know," Dumpling said.

"Okay," Serenity said. "In which general direction is the mainland?"

"Huh?" Dumpling asked.

"I mean, is it North, South, East, what?" Serenity asked.

"I don't know which is which," said Dumpling.

"You don't know the Cardinal Dirrections?" Seto said.

"Nope," said Dumpling.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was common maritime practice to, I don't know, HAVE A BLINKING CLUE WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" Seto screamed.

"Well, do you have a compass?" Ryo asked.

"Well, we did," Nancy said, "but John mistook it for a biscuit, and things went downhill from there."

"IT WAS DELICIOUS!" John said, punching Joey again.

**A FEW MORE DAYS LATER**

"GOOD NEWS!" said Dumpling. "We've spotted land!"

"That's wonderful!" Ryo said.

"The bad news is it's has a flagpole with the Sri Lankan flag flying," said Dumpling.

"Not wonderful," Serenity said.

"Hey Serenity!" Joey said, "Wanna see me balance and anchor on my head?"

"Yes," said Seto.

"Si," said Maria.

"NO!" Serenity said.

**LATER STILL**

"Bad news," said Dumpling, to all the pirate crew sitting in the galley. "We're running out of supplies, and soon…well, you know what seamen drink in times of hardship…"

"Ew," Serenity said.

"Well…if we are going to drink…ya know," Ryo said. "Maybe we should cheer ourselves up with a story!"

"Argh, a pirate loves a good story!" Dumpling said.

"It better be good, or I'll slum you faces with assorted sharp, dagger-like implements!" John threatened.

"What kind of stories do pirates like?" Serenity asked.

"Usually ones with a ton of senseless slaughter and violence," said Nancy.

"Well, out of my field," Serenity said.

"I don't know any horrible tales," Ryo said.

"I know one," Seto said.

"Argh, tell us, fair lassie," said Dumpling.

"Call me 'lassie' again and I'll tear out your kidneys, drain the fluid, streach out the skin, and make myself a bongo drum," Seto said. "Okay, this is the story of Little Red Ridding Hood-"

Everyone groaned, except Gabbo.

"-the _Seto Kaiba Version_…" Seto said evily.

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER**

"Whoa!" Serenity said in a combination of shock and fear, Ryo cowering behind her with tears in his eyes. "I've never heard it told THAT way before!"

"Serenity, will the villagers ever find Little Red Ridding Hood's remains?" Joey asked.

"_And if only the story teller wasn't such a horror story himself_," Maria said.

"_If I'm a horror story, than that would make you something produced by Hitchcock when he felt in an especially bad mood and his coffee was wearing out_," Seto snapped back. Maria stared at him in shock for actually understanding her.

"_I see now you're at a loss for words,_" Seto taunted. "_I guess you can't take it when someone has the guts to actually shoot back your insults!_"

Maria still said nothing.

"_What's the matter?_" Seto asked. "_Cat got your-_"

WHAM!

Maria nailed him with a well timed punch in the face.

"HARK!" screamed Richard. "The most wonderful news! I have spotted land, and by all luck, it's the port where we intended to land in the first place!"

"HOORAY!" everyone cried except Gabbo.

"Uh, but the bad news is that the storm of the century's coming right at us, and with our luck, it'll be here in oh, say, five minutes," Richard said.

Awkward silence.

"Oh, crud," Serenity said.

**OUTSIDE**

"I think I'm starting to see the downside of sailing!" Serenity yelled over the fierce gale that pounded the masts of the ships, spurting rain fifty miles and hour at their bodies, plastering their clothes right to them, on one of the darkest nights of their lives, lighten up only by lightning that pierced the sky.

"Gee, ya think!" Seto yelled back, as he an the four were pulling a rope used to keep the sails up.

"Well, on the bright side, it can't get much worse than this, can it?" Ryo yelled back optimistically.

As usual, he was wrong, and a wave, black as night, and thirty feet tall, spurted up out of nowhere, completely washing over the deck, all across our heroes, taking them under for a few seconds. Serenity clung on for dear life, hoping this wasn't the end. Thankfully, the water receded, and Serenity gasped in a mouthful of air.

"Darn it!" She cried. "I'll be combing seaweed out of my hair for weeks!"

"OH NO!" Ryo cried. "Where's Seto?"

"EEEE-YAAAAAAAAAAH!" came a really girly scream from the sea.

"HOLY SMACK! HE WENT OVERBOARD!" Serenity cried.

"I'LL SAVE YOU TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey screamed, jumping overboard to rescue the 'Tooth Fairy'.

"JOEY, STOP!" Serenity screamed, tears mixing with seawater in her eyes. "OH, YOU IDIOT! COME BACK!"

"COME ON!" screamed Nancy, grabbing Serenity and Ryo. "We need to get bellow deck! This storm is too strong!"

"We can't just leave!" Ryo screamed.

"Everything secure, let's go!" Nancy said, pulling them down.

"JOEY AND SETO ARE OUT THERE!" Serenity screamed.

"YOU CAN'T HELP THEM IF YOUR DEAD!" screamed Nancy.

"VAMOS!" screamed Maria.

"GET DOWN HERE NOW!" yelled John.

"SETOOOO!" Serenity screamed. "JOE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

ooo

"I am telling you, this is urgent!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins yelled into her cell phone. "My client is currently missing, and worst of all, he's missing with a person he has conducted bodily harm to on numerous occations…what do you _think_ I need? I need you to get me a replacement to find them! I can't just hunt them down, I'm obligated to help Serenity in anyway I can…THIS _IS_ A # EMERGENCY! I need a temp NOW…what do you mean your out? Yes, I know it's with all the elections and everything, but…OH COME ON! Mine is a level eight case, and who knows what the other one is!...Look, at this point I'm desperate! I'll take a ziplock bag with wings if you have one…okay, your right, I'm being crazy but…he's a good kid really, I'm sure he can scrape a level seven…I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE, DON'T YOU GET IT?...I AM ROCK BOTTOM DESPERATE!"

"Did you say rock bottom desperate?" said Gabbo, who was standing dramatically in the doorway.

"Huh?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"Well, by all luck, I happened to be a conscious and I am happy to help you for absolutely nothing!" said Gabbo.

"And you are?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"BEHOLD!" screamed Gabbo dramatically, tearing off his cloak, revealing himself to look just like Seto, only about twelve wearing a blue sweater vest, yellow dress shirt, and dark gray pants (and strap on wings). "I am, _AGENT SWEATER VEST!_"

"Oh criminey," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I thought I got rid of you when I left the academy. So what have you been doing since you graduated?"

"Em…well, I haven't actually…graduated yet," Agent Sweater Vest said.

"You've been in school for the past two hundred years?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said.

"196! 196!" he said deffensivly. "Everyone thinks they can just round up!"

"Face it, you're a screw up," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"I am not!" he cried back. "In fact, now I'm on actual on-the-ground training, and this time, I so won't bomb!"

"And what are you doing with _pirates_?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"Well, the sheet said _help peasants_, but I misread it," said ASV.

"So, basically, you already screwed up?" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Oh, shut up!" ASV said. "Look, just let me try! I need this! Badly!"

"I bet you do," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "But this guy is way out of your league. He's a level eight!"

"So?" ASV said.

"And he's with the person who annoys him to death," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"I think I can handle it," he said.

"It's Seto Kaiba," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins

"HOLY CRUD!" said ASV. "Wasn't he the guy we all got the emergency brocures about?"

"Yep," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Well…I don't care!" said ASV. "The thing is, I'm in major trouble. If I don't pass this year, I'm…gonna be…REINCARNATED!"

"Reincarnated?" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "They only do that to saints, humanitarians, and complete failures!"

"Please, just let me try!" ASV cried, falling to his knees and sobbing. "I'M ROCK BOTTOM DESPERATE, AND SO ARE YOU!"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" screamed Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I hate to see full grown angels cry. But I _swear_, if you screw this one up, I'll have you reincarnated so low, slugs will say 'ew, that is the grossest thing I ever saw' when they see you. GOT IT?"

"Aye, capness!" said ASV, saluting, then taking off.

"What are the consequences of my actions?" Ms. Fuzzykins asked. "Gawd, I need a new day job."

ooo

Shri: So begins the mini adventures of Joey, Seto, and ASV! You thought things were weird now. The two will have to fight off an enemy so powerful, so deadly, and so mad that…well, let's say it isn't going to be fun.

Mai: What the heck's with the stupid Agent Sweater Whatsit?

Shri: EXCELENT QUESTION! I got the idea for agent sweater vest in a pretty weird way. Remember back in Duelist Kingdom when Seto and Yugi had that one duel when Seto threatened to commit suicide if he didn't win? Yeah, that one. Anyway, did you also remember that little hallucination moment (I call them 'Mind Bloops') when the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon was melting? Yeah, that part. Well, when younger Seto just popped out and said 'you are such a jerk, your hearts rotten to the core, I'm better dressed than you, blah blah blah', I thought 'wow, he was cute when he was ten-twelve whatever!' and, well, I had to turn him into a character.

Seto: Okay, that's just stupid.

Shri: YES I AM INSANE! DON'T RUB IT IN!By the way, 'My Father Used to be a Captain', 'The Moose Dance', and many other hits are all available on JOEY SINGS, for a mere cost of three easy payments of 5.99. HA! Kidding.

Serenity: Instead of goodie bags, as an extra special present, Shri typed up a short story to thank all of her reviewers for the party!

Ryo: We hope you enjoy it.

Shri: And now, A SHORT!

**FIRE WOOD: A QUICKIT**

By Shrilanka-San

"Okay, tell me again, why did we send Joey out to get firewood?" Seto asked, sarcastic as usual as he watched the four plus Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's pathetic fire begin to die.

"Well, I was busy cooking diner, you were busy being a sharp-tongued jerk, and Ryo was busy trying to figure out how to tie that one rope knot," Serenity said.

"Where is he anyway?" Seto asked.

ooo

"Um…I could use some help guys…" Ryo tried to call, completely tied to a tree in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, rope tied around fifty-nine percent of his body. "Is anyone out there? This is just as unpleasant as it looks! Serenity? Seto? Anyone?"

ooo

"Seto, I'm sure he's okay!" Serenity said. "But Joey's an idiot! Just think of all the horribly terrible amounts of danger he could be in! ALL THAT EXCRUCIATING PAIN!"

"Hey guys!" Joey said, walking out of the forest without any fire wood. "Guess what! I'm not in horribly terrible amounts of danger! And I'm clearly not going through excruciating pain!"

Seto glared at Serenity for a moment.

"Uh, Joey, how come you were gone so long?" Serenity asked. "And…where's the fire wood?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Joey said. "Let me explain it…IN SONG!"

So, before anyone could stop him, he pulled out a huge guitar, and began belting out a campfire story-ish kind of tune, lit up by the still dying fire to tell his very odd tale

_I was walking back to you guys with wood stuff in my arm  
__To light our dying fire and to keep us nice and warm.  
__When a spotlight hit my back head, ah turned around and 'eeped'  
__To see a disk float in the air that whirled and twirled and beeped._

_I held my wood close to my chest and turned around to flee,  
__Only to feel a proton beam zap from the ship and grab me.  
__I got pulled onto the ship with the grav-defying ray  
__Uh…I can't find a good word that rhymes with 'ray'._

_So anyway (darn there's one) I got put inside a tube.  
__I thought that they would hold me down and turn me into food.  
__But the aliens had all just ate, and what they wanted to do  
__Was to zap my head with x-ray rays to see just what I knew._

_They said they didn't find much, so as we zoomed through space  
__They told me of their evil plan to enslave the human race.  
__I wondered why they told me such vital information.  
__They told me it was to be nice before my elimination._

_They'd go zap up the president right from his swivel chair  
__And turn all members of his cabinet into pairs of underwear.  
__They would zap the white house with gamma rays to a pile of smoldrin' ash  
__And erupt a wide scale extra-terrestrial clash._

_They'd then suck up the oceans and the lakes and ponds and seas,  
__Putting it on their ships away from you and me.  
__And so as the world would slowly starve and die,  
__Our leaders they'd destroy and our armies they'd defy._

_They would capture us in weakened states back up to their ships,  
__No more lives, no more human beings in politics.  
__Our brilliant, mighty empire would crumble down and fall,  
__And the freaky, green skinned aliens would finally rule all._

_Know that this was not real good, and getting pretty thirsty,  
__I made a plan to kick their but, for better or for worsty.  
__I threw the firewood through my binds, finally breaking free,  
__And pushed all the colored buttons that blinked so prettily._

_They alien ship then lost control, cutting of our gas,  
__The engine then exploded in a body-shaking crash.  
__We fell down through the atmosphere to the blue ocean bellow.  
__They aliens finally realized their plan was a no-go._

"_Darn you Joey!" they all cried as they fell into the sea,  
__And a squad of CIA dudes came up to rescue me.  
__The president was happy, in my courage he took pride,  
__So as a special favor in I got a copter ride_

_Back to the forest where I had first found all the wood,  
__And I came back to you guys, feeling that I should.  
__And so now I sing this song thing to tell you exactly how  
__I came back with no firewood…uh…HOW!_

So Joey finished up his song by hammering some really cool notes on the guitar, then screaming like a rocks star and smashing it on the solid ground, the guitar moaning and groaning at the horror of Joey's musical funk. Serenity and Seto just stared for a moment.

"Joey, I think you know what I'm going to say," Seto said.

"You could just say you couldn't find any Joe," Serenity said. "Now where on Earth is Ryo?"

ooo

"HELLO?" Ryo cried out into the woods, still tied uncomfortably to the tree. "It's getting dark! I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! Oh, come on! Darn, mental note, practice knot tying using the buddy system."

ooo

Shri: Okay, (sniff) due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm sorry to say this, but I need a two week break to try to catch up on my story. I am sorry for any inconvenience.

Serenity: Awe…it's okay. So…WE'LL GIVE YOU YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT EARLY!

Shri: Uh…my birtday's in three weeks.

Serenity: Well, we still pooled all our money-

Ryo: I thought we stole it from Seto.

Serenity: POOLED OUR MONEY and got you a present (pulls out a huge package, which Shri tears open).

Shri: (Gasps in happiness) A CHAINSAW! How did you guys know?

Seto: To be honest, we just assumed.

Shri: Rock on! (Starts it up) I need to go try this baby out! See you in a little bit everyone!


	16. If I Only Had a Huge Sea Monster

People run in fear when they see my screen name….

Bad news people….it's happening again…A SPOONFUL OF DRAMA CHAPTER! Now, you pathetic fools must suffer a few moments of drama mixed in with gut splitting humor! PH34R! BWA HA HA HA HA! Well, it's only a little to be honest, and on Ryo's part. HOWEVER, to make up for it, I did an all new quicket just for you people!

Anyway, thanks for coming back, and I feel rested, refreshed, and as random as ever! So now, WOO HOO! NICE PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED ME!

Cute lil Yami

Yes…without insanity, what is life, but one long period when people ask over and over again 'How was your day?' and 'What do you want to do?'

I'm glad you liked Richard so much! I was just thinking up the usual qualities pirates usually are. You know, bloodthirsty seafaring psychos. However, the 'drama queen' idea just came out of absolutely nowhere, and I loved it! The same thing happened with the idea that pirates love a good story, and Little Red Ridding Hood the Seto Kaiba version really seemed to fit the mood.

If you do scare your sisters with it, give it to them in small doses. Don't want to ruin their poor innocent souls…unless it's to scare them off, in that case, go for it.

YAY! It's so great to see you, as I always enjoy people who love insanity, randomness, and CHEESE! Well, I'm not sure about the last one, but hey, it was random and insane right? HUGS! Come back sooney!

BlackJackal

Wow, I'm glad you like this story! Remember people, if you don't want to lose a good story in the massive depths of ff dot net, REMEMBER TO GET THE TITTLE AND AUTHOR! So ends this public service announcement.

Ryo does seem a little obsessive and loud back at boot camp, but then again, so am I, so that's where he gets it from. YES! Someone finally believes me about the terror of the Norwegian Butt Duck! Everyone thought I was crazy, but I knew! And you bet British Personas kick mucho butensio! And yes, I'm a Ryo fangirl myself.

Glad you found a story lost on the net, and even gladder it was mine and even gladdest you reviewed! Please come back and say hi!

Gothangelmyu

DARN! Why didn't I think of that?

Yeah, probably half the fun of writing that entire chapter consisted of writing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins' phone conversation and with ASV. He's not going to come back until next chapter though. In fact, we really don't see that much of Joey or Seto in this one, but we do see an old friend…

I don't know why, but somehow, whenever I write about Joey, a stupid poem or song idea pops into my head for him to sing. Don't ask me why. Though the first verse of the song 'My Father Used to be a Captain' came with the help of my brother, who says random crazy things all the time.

It's always fun to hear from you too! Thanks for the nice words, and I hope you enjoy a plateful of insanity!

Dark Princess Saz

I love Joey's songs too! They're random, funny, and insane!

That's probably the top three things people loved about this chapter: Joey's songs, Ryo's sailor suit, and ASV. I'm glad you loved them all, and Joey's hula outfit, which I found very amusing.

Well here's the next chapter for you! I hope you enjoy it!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Hiya! Wazzup?

Anyway, I'm glad you can speak Spanish! That was another fun thing about writing the last chapter. I can (pretend to) speak Spanish, but I'm sure you do a much better job than me. I'll probably never go to Spain anytime in this century.

I'm lookin' out for it! Can't wait, and this chapter should be (I hope) just as funny as the last, so enjoy!

Funky Egyptian

Yay! Happy belated birthday, I have a present for you…A SLEDGHAMMER! Everybody needs a sledgehammer!

Thank you for the congratulations, and the incredibly nice review! I hope you come back soon! And also enjoy this chappie!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

No, no, no. When I said fangirls, I meant the psycho, superhero fanigirls from a few chapters ago. They tend to crash parties a little…hard for my taste.

KFC…The Space Pigs…PH34R…

Anyway, I didn't know Sneaky Snake was an actual song! And who knows? Maybe one day, a hot Anime character will take you for their bride (I'm expecting nothing less). THE BOOBAHS ARE EVIL! (Shifty eyes) And beware of the bug zappers…oh yeah! ENJOY THE NEXT CHAPTERY!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

Anyway, I'll hunt down your story ASAP to enjoy more insanity with our favorite weirdo friends! Come back soon!

TwinSanity

Can anyone truly understand the insanity?

'Head half empty person'. I LOVE THAT LINE! You should put it up in your 'random quotes from infamous folks'. Oh yeah, I SO CAN'T WAITSY FOR THE THE DELETED CHAPTER!

I also can't wait for another awesome chaptery. And the man eating fairies sound so awesome! AND I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT THE PART SERENITY PLAYS! MUA HA HA! Please continue with your story, and enjoy this one!

Hypolitian Warrior (Formally known as Philsorapter

Boy, it seems like everyone's changing their screenames! Wowzers!

I thought the whole language barrier thing is a very funny thing in itself, because it's amazing how pretty a language is until you read the subtitles. My mom once pointed out that since we often don't understand what language Josh Groban is singing in, maybe he could be singing about him washing his canary in Italian or something. Then we actually translated it to find it was about lighting and oceans and junk.

That must have been a funny situation though.

WEEEE! SUGAR! (Bites into bag) You get the best gifts! I owe you one!

Bibo-Sama

Mua ha! I'm glad your amused!

Anyway, I can't wait to see this chapter of which you speak! But do tell me, what is a Mary Sue and who is Diana Wynn Jones? Sorry for sounding stupid. I just want to know.

Sorry. I know no Sams T.T. it was just a random name I picked. I bet its pretty hard. Stupid casinos. THERE EVERYWHERE!

Can't wait to see more insanity on your part, and I deeply hope you will enjoy my dose.

Lefthandedfreak

May I be the first to say that you are not a freak if your left handed! My dad's left handed, and he's one of the sanest people I know! Also, I have a friend who's left handed, and she is far from freaky!

Now it's the right handed freaks like me you need to keep an eye on…

That was so nice of you! PLUSHIES! (Huggles) Mmmm….SO SOFT! Yay! And thank you tonzies! Good luck on your own journey to being a psychotic Author! I hope you still like the story after this.

You know what this means!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

If I Only had a Huge Sea Monster

"I can't believe it," Serenity said, watching the waves cascade and over themselves as they got closer to land. "Joey…Seto…they're gone. They're both gone."

"I can't believe it," Ryo said. "Why did Joey have to jump in? I should have…"

"Uh, Ryo, what are you talking about?" Serenity asked. "That would be, I don't know, SUICIDE?"

"No, no, no, I don't mean it that way!" Ryo said. "The thing is…remember when I got possessed by the psycho spirit of the Ax of Insanity?"

"I've tried to forget it, but yes," Serenity said.

"Well…Seto tried to stop him…despite his incredibly mean disposition…that makes me feel…like I owe him a favor…" Ryo said.

"Ryo, if you were dead, Seto wouldn't even come to your calling hours," Serenity said. "And Joey thinks 'left' is a type of eating utensil, so don't think he's going to come anytime soon either."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Ryo cried with tears in his eyes. "HE DID SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE EVER TRIED TO DO!"

"So that's why you're upset?" Serenity said. "You feel that you can't pay him back?"

"WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH A COWARD?" Ryo screamed. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

With that, in sheer Ryo anger, Ryo pounded his fist on the guard rail around the ship, and smacked it clear in half. In fact, a huge crack ran right down the ship, chopping it in two halves, and causing it to sink.

"I'm going to have to ask you not to do that again," Serenity said.

"Sorry," Ryo said.

---ooo---

The receding tide left Joey completely washed up on a sandy beach, a tiny wave trying to creep up, but only to be pulled farther back into the ocean. It seemed rather peaceful. That is, until…

SMACK!

"Owchies!" Joey said, rubbing his hip where he got kicked.

"Darn. You're alive," Seto said. "That means if I have to eat you to survive, it would be considered morally wrong."

"TOOTH FAIRY!" screamed Joey, hugging Seto, a few tell tale sign muffled cracks, showing that he was breaking Seto's ribs. "WE'RE ALIVE! WOO-HOOOO!"

"You know, I used to enjoy that fact," Seto said. "Now it just annoys me. LET GO OF ME YOU STUPID MUTT!"

"Huh?" Joey said.

KA-POW!

With one punch, Joey flew right into a coconut tree.

"Oh perfect," Seto said. "Six billion people in the world, and out of every single one, I got stuck with Tweedle-Dumbest, high Emperor of Dumbsey Land, and ambassador of the People of Duh."

"Where's the cream filling?" Joey said, digging himself out of the crater he made in the coconut tree.

"IT'S BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALY RAN OVER THAT SQUIREL WHILE GUNNING IT ON I-90 ISN'T IT?" Seto screamed to the sky. "ARE YOU HAPPY YOU SPECTRAL LITTLE RAT WITH A BOTTLE BRUSH FOR A TAIL? GIVE ME A BREAK!"

There was a very angry silence.

"Do you need a huge to make you feel better Tooth Fairy?" Joey asked.

"Joey, the only thing that can make me feel better is if either I die of hunger or you get run over by a cruise ship and I get a free ride home," Seto said.

"So…no hug?" Joey asked.

Seto death glare.

"Okay, now we need to find a way out of here," Seto said, as Joey was left flinching on the ground in terrible pain. "Maybe I can create some sort of GPS device using the available resources. Okay, what have we got?"

He looked behind him. Nothing but coconut trees.

"Not much," he said.

"I GOTS AN IDEA!" Joey said. "Maybe, we can ask the coconuts for help!"

"Ask…the coconuts…" Seto said.

"Yep!" Joey said. "Everyone knows that coconuts are the wisest circles of the circle kingdom!"

"Joey, did you drink that stuff on the pirate ship Serenity told you not to drink?" Seto asked.

"Maaaaaaybe," Joey said, picking up the coconut. "Okay, what's your name…Jim? That's a pretty name…your welcome! Okay, now…your what? A law professor at Harvard? Cool…what's a Harvard?"

"WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH ME?" Seto yelled to the sky. "IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ME, TAKE ME NOW YOU STUPID SQUIRLEL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

---ooo---

Serenity coughed out sea water as she dragged her sodden body up the sandy beach, clinging to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in her arm, like a mermaid with a head cold. She had been through a lot, but that, that was just unfair.

"Okay Ryo," Serenity said. "We've swam ten miles to shore, received several threats from several angry pirates, and I had to beat up the only living species of fresh water sharks known to man. What have learned today?"

"Okay," Ryo said, wringing out his hair. "I learned to control my emotional outbursts, that open regret leads to nothing but pain, and to never back stroke in open sea, because their may be a shark with his mouth wide open who wants to swallow you up in one bite."

"Good enough," Serenity said, pulling sea weed and small sea animals out of her rusty brown hair. "Well…this is going to be hard. I don't know how I'll be able to go on without Joey and Seto…"

"SERENITY!" Ryo cried. "It just hit me!"

"I know," Serenity sighed. "It really does feel like Seto's right here with us…"

"No, not that kind of hit!" Ryo said. "You know how in the movies, when someone gets thrown off a ship, they usually ship-wash on some desert island?"

"So, maybe that's what happened to Joey and Seto, and they're alive!" Serenity said.

"Exactly!" Ryo said. "Maybe we can find some other seaman who knows this area, and he can tell us where Joey and Seto are."

"Yes! Hope!" Serenity cried happily. "Ryo, you're a genius!"

"I thought Seto was the genius," Ryo said.

"Well, ya, but you are too!" Serenity said.

"Well, that completely messes up my view of our roles as individual members of this team," said Ryo. "I thought you were supposed to be the kick-but leader who everyone roots for, Joey was supposed to be the well-loved comic relief, Seto was supposed to be the brains and cynical charm, and I was supposed to be the adorably sweet one that you have to be a heartless fool to hate. NOW I'M COMPLETELY CONFUSED!"

"You've been reading the reviews again haven't you?" Serenity asked.

**MEANWHILE, IN THE PUB WELL KNOWM BY SEAMEN EVERYWHER, THE RUSTY, DINGY, AND SOMEWHAT MOLDY FORK! WoOoOoOoO!**

"OI! I WON'T SETTLE FOR THIS!" screamed a very angry seaman, waving a huge cutlass around in a very threatening manor, staring at the TV that was hanging over the counter. "The Dalmatian's performance was completely lackluster compared to the Great Dane! WHAT ARE THESE JUDGES THINKING?"

"FIX! FIX! FIX! FIX!" screamed the other seamen, also watching the 579th Annual National Dog Show.

"ALRIGHT!" Ryo said, dramatically busting open the door to the Rusty, Dingy, and Somewhat Moldy Fork, trying to sound like someone from CSI. "WE'VE GOT QUESTIONS, AND WE AREN'T LEAVING WITHOUT ANSWERS!"

All of the angry sailors pulled out various swords and pointed them at Ryo.

"BLESS MY CARDIGAN!" Ryo cried. "Is that the 579th Annual?"

"HUZZAH!" screamed all the pirates with joy, tossing up their milkshakes and hot cocoas.

"Um, we're really sorry we bothered you," Serenity said, "but we kind of had a problem. You see, we were sailing out on the high seas, but two of our friends went overboard. Is there a man who knows the open seas like the back of his hand?"

All of the pirates pointed to a lone seaman in the corner of the room.

"HEY SERENITY!" Yugi said, swigging a mug of chocolate milk. "Sup?"

"Yugi?" Serenity asked. "What are you doing here? Aren't you the oppressive dictator of Munchkin Land?"

"Ah yes," Yugi said. "But such is a long and tiring profession, so I decided to take a break! Besides, I'm always here with my homies for the big game! Right guys?"

"YOU BETCHA!" screamed all the seamen and the barmaid.

"So anyway, what dya need with the whole seaman thing?" Yugi asked, taking a very long sip from his mug.

"Our two best friends got thrown off a boat about ten miles from here," Serenity said. "The thing is, are there any islands that they could have washed up on?"

"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news about that," Yugi said.

"The good news?" Serenity said.

"Well, the only person who has ever managed to sail to the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort is The Dark Spirit of The Incredibly Steep Mountains," Yugi said.

"Uh…the bad news?" Serenity asked.

"The only person who has ever made it to the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort is The-"

"Okay," Serenity said. "This Dark Spirit of The Incredibly Steep Mountains must be very hard to locate."

"Actually, no," Yugi said. "The Dark Spirit thing is about two blocks from here. Just go down Luzton Ave for two turns, and she's the first house on your left."

"Wow, uh, thanks!" Serenity said gratefully.

"Um, just how dangerous is the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort?" Ryo asked with a hint of fear in his voice.

"I'll give you a hint," Yugi said. "It's called 'The Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort'."

"Eep," Ryo said softly.

"Bye!" Serenity said, dragging Ryo out.

"SEEYA!" Yugi called back.

---ooo---

**TWO BLOCKS AWAY**

"This place actually doesn't look so bad!" Ryo said happily, staring to the house two blocks away. It had an extremely happy feel to it, with fuzzy bunnies bouncing along the yard, a huge bed of assorted daisies, several lawn ornaments, and it was completely painted pink with a happy smiling sun shining right over it. Everything looked happy and peppy, and there was happy, picnicy music playing in the background to add to the atmosphere.

"Ryo, it was first house on the _left_," said Serenity, pointing to a huge, tall, pure black, haunted looking mansion with a dark thundercloud that was torn by lightning every few minutes for dramatic effect. Everything there was old and decaying, and it looked like the solid proof that most accidents are home related.

"Can't we go to that house anyway?" Ryo begged, pointing to the happy house.

"Come on," Serenity said, dragging him to the door of the scary house with broken windows and stuff.

Ryo was digging his heels in the ground and was trying to hold back as best as he could as Serenity pulled him along until they had made it to the entrance way to the door. It was painted black, and had little devils and dragons, and evil looking snake things carved on it, as well as a few skulls for dramatic effect.

Serenity rang the bell. It sounded just like a funeral march.

"Now's our chance to just walk away and pretend we weren't here," Ryo said, still trying to pull out of Serenity's iron grip.

"Ryo, don't make me pull a Seto on you," Serenity said, as footsteps began to walk to the other end of the huge door.

The steps stop. The two heard the scraping of the door against the cold stone floor, and the creek of ancient hinges screaming not to be used. Ryo was shaking in his skin, and Serenity was staring in complete disbelieve at the figure that stood before them. The face of the only human ever to survive the terror of The Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort, in all horrific, battle scared form. The huge, the terrible…

"Hel-lo!" said the extremely cheerful voice of a cheerleader looking girl with a tall body, slender-yet-womanly figure, strawberry blonde hair, and huge, bubbly green eyes. "Wazzup?"

The two just stared at her for a minute.

"Are you the…Dark Spirit from The Incredibly Steep Mountains?" Serenity asked politely.

"That's what the idiots at the tavern call me," said the girl. "All my other friends call me Spirit!"

"Why do you live in this house?" Ryo asked.

"They said mansion in the insurance agency; I didn't know they meant haunted looking mansion," said Spirit.

"I…see…" Ryo said.

"Would you like to come in?" Spirit asked.

---ooo---

"Okay, so let me get this straight," said Spirit. "You actually took a ride on the pirate ship?"

"Yeah," Serenity said.

"My, you really need to just walk on by pirate ships," said Spirit. "Anyway, you want me to ferry you to the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort to find your friends?"

"Yeah," Serenity said. "That's it."

"Sorry, can't help you," said Spirit, drinking a glass of V8.

"WHAT?" Serenity asked.

"But our two friends are stuck on an abandoned island maybe!" said Ryo. "If we don't find them, they'll kill each other!"

"Sorry," she said again. "After my battle for my life trying to make it to that island, I've been deaf in one ear!"

"Oh," Serenity said. "I'm terribly sorry-"

"-and I have this awful ankle cramp!" she cried.

"Um, well-" Ryo said.

"AND MY VACUME CLEANER WON'T STOP CLOGGING!" screamed Spirit.

"OKAY!" Serenity cried. "But this is important.

"They're two young, innocent (ish) men in their prime, with their whole lives ahead of them!" Ryo cried. "One of them is a dumb blonde on a desperate quest for a brain, and the other is a emotionally disturbed person who's searching for his heart-"

"Oh man," said Spirit. "That's really breakin' my heart kid. 'On a search for his heart'? That's… so poetic…hang on. Did you say there was a blonde there?"

"Um, yes," Serenity said.

"A one hundred percent blonde? Not a dishwater or anything like that? No die?" Spirit asked.

"Uh…I guess…" said Ryo. "But I'm not sure about the die part."

"THIS I GOTTA SEE!" she said. "I'm starting to think they don't exist outside of Hollywood! You got a ferry guys!"

"Yay!" Serenity and Ryo said.

"But we'll have to wait until tomorrow," she said. "It's getting dark!"

"Oh, come on!" Ryo said. "It's pure d-"

Suddenly, the sun set, and it was completely dark.

"Uh, never mind," Ryo said.

---ooo---

**THE NEXT DAY! WoOoOoOoO!**

So, Serenity, Ryo, and Spirit were all in a speedboat, heading to The Island of Incredible Personal Discomfort, and Ryo was hanging over the edge in a huge combination of heart weighing guilt and sea sickness. While Spirit was too busy listening to her Greenday CD on her walkman, Serenity was trying to figure out why Ryo was submerged in the black well of depression, hugging Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in her arms to try to jumpstart her mind.

"Ryo, what's wrong?" she asked. "Another species on the endangered list?"

"Yes," Ryo said. "But something else too!"

"Seasickness?"

"Yes, that too, but something else!"

"Guilt?"

"Yep."

"Over what?"

Ryo sighed. "Have you ever felt useless?"

"Every day at PE," Serenity sighed.

"No, I mean completely useless," Ryo said. "I mean, it seems like through this whole trip, I have been nothing but a pain in the neck who runs from his own shadow and can't do anything without causing problems!"

"That's not true!" Serenity said. "You saved Mobster when she was about to get bashed by that basher!"

"That was just a reflex," Ryo said.

"You saved us at boot camp."

"With the help of a blueberry muffin army."

"You kicked Snake the Killer's butt!"

"No, that was you."

"Oh, yeah," Serenity said. "Still, I mean, Joey hasn't really done anything that special and he's still in the gang!"

"Not true," Ryo said. "He has the most important job of all! His lovably ludicrous actions always keep up our spirits so that we have the emotional strength to continue on the journey ahead of us!"

"I think this whole 'I owe a possibly dead guy' is kind of going to your head."

"Itiznoti'mnotcrazy!" Ryo said, eye twitching.

"Oh…kay…" Serenity said. "Still, I really think you should relax. All this stress isn't good for you."

"Cheh, I'm fine," Ryo said, continuing to peer over the water. "Hey Serenity, is it a bad thing when you see a pair of blood-shot eyes staring back at you?"

There was a silence.

"Ryo, you're a good kid, don't make me go Seto and put you in a sleeper hold," she said. "Look, I miss them too, but you seem…a little…I won't say crazy, but certainly taking this harder then you should."

"It's…" Ryo began. "Remember Not-Ryo?"

"Yeah?" Serenity said.

"He's attacked before," Ryo said. "And whenever he'd attack, someone got hurt…badly. Anyway, everyone started avoiding me. I don't have any friends that stayed my friends after one attack by Not-Me. You guys are the first whoever did."

"Oh," Serenity said.

"And I don't want to lose any of you," Ryo said. "I mean, you guys stuck with me no matter what sick and twisted thing happened to us. I owe all of you. I wish I could just get rid of the thing inside of me. I just want him gone…"

"Oh man," Serenity said. "I never thought you were that you were that upset."

"Yeah…but all I can do now is get stronger so I can get rid of whatever is hurting me inside, so he never can hurt any of you again. Then…maybe I can finally be worth all of you…that's why I feel so worthless…I'm too much of a whimp to do anything…even control myself…"

Ryo just slumped over the edge of the boat and went silent.

"You don't want to talk anymore, do you?" Serenity asked.

Ryo remained silent.

"Thought so," Serenity said.

---ooo---

"He's been like this for the past seven hours," said Spirit. "Shouldn't we do something?"

"Nah. At this point, I'm not sure if that's possible," Serenity said quietly, looking at Ryo stare sadly over the water. "So anyway, why is this place so dangerous?"

"Oh, that's because a huge elemental dragon guards these waters and anyone who gets too close to the island shall be consumed in it's terrible grip."

Suddenly, the water around the boat began to churn up, tossing the boat on waves, and a horrible roar echoed across the top of the water. The water itself almost formed together to form a huge, snake-like body.

"Oh dear," Serenity said.

However, a huge geyser of water shot up twenty feet in the air, looking like a huge pillar of death, destruction, and all that jazz. It then twisted together in a tornado thing to form a huge sea-serpent with blood red eyes that looked just like the ones Ryo said earlier.

"Hey!" Ryo said. "His eyes look just like the ones I saw earlier!"

Yes, I just said that.

Anyway, the sea serpent let out an incredibly threatening roar, and with one lash of a long, deadly tail, it completely clipped off the front half of the speed boat.

"Not good," Spirit said, as the boat began to sink.

"Oh, please Mr. Elemental Dragon!" Ryo said. "We don't want to be killed! All we want is to go to your island to find our friends! We don't want to cause any trouble. We just want to get them, and then head off to the Wizard of Cuz to get a brain, heart, guts, and a way home! We've gotten so far already, and they could be in big trou-"

"Stop it kid!" said the sea dragon. "Alright, alright already! You don't have to get mushy, for crissakes!"

"Wait, you can speak English?" Serenity said, as the boat continued to sink.

"Yeah, and my French isn't bad either. I even know some Latin…but is that the point? No!" said the Sea Dragon.

"Oh, uh, well," Serenity said.

"Anyway, thanks for actually trying to talk things out," the Sea Dragon said to Ryo. "Honest, every sailor that passes by this island, it's always 'oh, run, a big sea monster, kill it, kill it, kill it'. It is _so_ annoying!"

"I can understand where you're coming from," Ryo said.

"Uh, this is a very nice conversation and all, but…" Serenity said, as the boat still sunk, and she was waist deep in water.

"And maybe I'd even let them by to if they at least _tried _to talk," said the Sea Dragon. "It's just that if those stupid sailors would try to kill me off, imagine what they'd do to the endangered species on the island."

"There are endangered species?" Ryo said. "I can see why you have to guard it!"

"Ri-yo," Serenity said in a mock sing-song voice, as they were now waist deep in water.

"But do you really want to kill them off?" Ryo said.

"No, they just wash up on shore," said the Sea Dragon. "The rest is just a stupid urban le-"

"RYO!" Serenity said, now neck-deep in water.

"Oh, right," Ryo said. "Um, I know this is a lot to ask, but can you give us a ride to island shore? We promise not to kill anything."

"Oh, no trouble at all," said the Sea Dragon.

---ooo---

"Okay," Serenity said, as she, Spirit, and Ryo cruised on the Sea Dragon's back. "I think we've all learned something very important today."

"Be nice to Sea Dragons?" Ryo said.

"Yes, but something else," Serenity said.

"Calm diplomacy is just as important as the ability to fight in a desperate situation?" Spirit asked.

"Um…right…" Serenity said. "Now, it's off to find Seto and Joey!

---ooo---

Ha! I told you that you would suffer.

Anyway…GUESS WHAT! Since this chapter is incredibly short, I decided to fill it up with…A SHORT! Yes, you shall have no respite from the horror! Also, this is a thank-you for being so patient while I was off doing flute solo, backstage work at drama club, recovering from daylight savings time, and having a concert. So now…TO THE SHORT!

Oh yes, and I don't own Greenday or any dog shows FYI.

Also, this short was inspired by a couple written down thingits that were swapped back and forward between two of my friends. If either of you are reading…SORRY I STOLE THE FIRST TWO LINES FROM YOU! Anyway, here we go.

**THE INCREDIBLY CLEVER ANTICS OF SHRILANKA-SAN AND SERENITY IN TWO SENTANCES EACH!**

A Short written by Shrilanka-San (and arguably Serenity, if she existed)

KEY

_Slanted Writing_Serenity

Straight upShrilanka-San

One day, when Shrilanka-San was, unfortunately, bored, she penned the following two sentences:

One day, Shrilanka-San got totally bored of this story. She shoved all the characters off a cliff.

THE END

Serenity saw this and penned the following:

_Serenity preformed an awesome ninja-y kind of move and save everyone's butt. She plost revenge._

_FIN_

Shri swears violently. She then shoves a huge bolder off the cliff, instantly outing the pesky characters.

THE END

_Serenity manages to pull everyone into a cave conveniently located on the cliff face. She then thinks up a plan for revenge._

_FIN_

Shri is really ticked. She decides to plot a few revenge plans of her own.

THE END

_Serenity decides to hunt Shri down. She's taken a ton of weapons with her._

_FIN_

Shri has a plan. She lays several bear traps in front of the moat filled with alligators around her house.

THE END

_Shri's kidding herself. She doesn't have that kind of money._

_FIN_

Shri openly admitted that she bear traps aren't in her budget. However, moats aren't , which Serenity was stupid enough to fall into.

THE END

_Serenity points out that alligators are nothing compared to Joey. Plus, she can swim._

_FIN_

Shri aims a deep space missile at Serenity's backside. It hits the target.

THE END

_Shri forgets that since she can't afford bear traps, she also can't afford missiles. Serenity, however, can._

_FIN_

Serenity forgets that Kaiba Senior owns missiles; all she owns is a plushie. Incidentally, that can't protect her from the previous.

THE END

_On the contrary, Shri forgets that Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is a telekinetic and can protect her. She does._

_FIN_

Serenity forgets that Shri is the writer of the story. She conveniently writes Ms. Fuzzy-Kins out of it.

THE END

_Serenity swears violently. She dodges the missile anyway._

_FIN_

Thankfully, Shri has a back of plan. She sicks her dog on Serenity.

THE END

_Shri's dog is a sissy. She pats her on the head and continues to Shri down._

_FIN_

Serenity was so distracted that she forgets about the cat. The cat is ten times more violent then the dog.

THE END

_Serenity ducks the cat just in time. She launches a hand grenade into Shri's house._

_FIN_

Serenity lacks access to such weapons. She instead throws a harmless potato.

THE END

_Serenity didn't care. The potato knocked out Shri._

_FIN_

In her last moment of consciousness, Shri knocked out Serenity with sleeping gas. Serenity wakes up to a punch in the eye.

THE END

_Serenity got up three seconds earlier then Shri. Shri wakes up to a kick in the arse._

_FIN_

**Ryo suddenly popped out of nowhere and, with the help of a ray gun, turned them both into smoldering craters. He then goes home for tea.**

**THE REAL END**

"Must you constantly ruin our fun?" Shrilanka-San asked Ryo, who ended up the cool little quickit.

"Yep," Ryo said to the two.

---ooo---

Yeah, bad, I know. But it captures the spirit of randomness, and it was fun. NOW A PREMERE OF OUR NEXT CHAPTER.

---ooo---

"Wow, he really is skinny, isn't he?"

"Uh…ketchup?"

"Wait wait, he's coming around, don't scare him."

"HI TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Seto to sit up bolt upright in shock.

"Whatwhatwhatwhathappened?" he asked, looking around every which way, only to discover that he was still stuck alone on the island with the hallucination and the mutt.

"How long have I been knocked out?" he asked angrily.

"YEARS AND YEARS!" Joey screamed.

"Six minutes," ASV said.

"Okay, it's a bad sign when I believe a hallucination," Seto said.

"It's okay Seto, I've got good news!" ASV said. "Your weirdo palls are here to save you!"

"HI SETO!" Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Ryo screamed at the top of their lungs, waving wildly at Seto.

"Well…that's okay I guess," Seto said. "But I know what would make it better-"

---ooo---

Please exit single file and discard all garbage on the way out. BYE!


	17. If I Only Had a Mosquito the Size of a B...

And remember, it's never too late to conquer a country!

Okay, now for the last couple of chapters, I think I have been writing conscious instead of conscience when referring to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and ASV.GAAH! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! My bad. I needed to say this for people who might have been wondering.

Iiiiiiiiiiiit's review time!

Lefthandedfreak

FEAR THE SPORKS!

Sorry, insanity syndromes kicking in. Thank you so much for coming back! Oh, and thank you for the ice pick! Thankfully, I haven't used it yet X3. I never thought that somewhere there would be a girl like Spirit…the world is such a twisted place. And yes, somewhere up in the fancily assorted cashew basket in the sky, there is a squirrel who's laughing his head off.

Yay! It was so great to hear from you! I hope you enjoy the next chapter of insanity! MUA HA HA!

Dark Princess Saz

I agree! Long live the randomness!

Lots of people seemed to like Joey talking to a coconut. Well, he talks pretty much to everything else, so a coconut seems very appropriate, yes? And I'd love to see someone running around screaming about clowns…it would be muy funnio.

I try to avoid drama in the story whenever I can, because it has a tendency to get really syrupy and stupid if not handled in the correct dosage. Even worse, I see another random chapter…coming ever closer on the horizon…so terribly dramatic…

Er, sorry. THANKIES FOR THE CHOCOLATES AND THE NICE REVIEWS! They were absolutely delicious. And also…fear the Chibli Yugi Plushie.

Hypolitian Warrior

Hey, don't worry about the pen name thing. It seems to be the big trend nowadays.

Tweedle Dee, huh? Ah…no wonder you have bad memories. But how is the pillow involved? Did Tweedle-Dum try to smother you to death or something?

Spirit is a scary character for one simple reason…her original design was to be Seto's stalker. I'm not kidding. I wrote a lot of fanfic just for myself before I became an online author, and one day, I was just like 'Hey, I think it would be funny if Seto had a blonde stalker'. And ping, what do you know? Mobster and ASV were also based on characters in my earlier fanfics too.

Hey, hyperness is understandable. I usually have to do an odd combination of things to get maximum funniness for this story. And yes, the Yu-Gi-Oh episodes have been very angsty lately, haven't they? Thank you for the A! Oh, and I hope your friend likes this fanfic.

Mizz-Serenity Wheeler

I missed you too!

Spain? You lucky, lucky girl. I know you mentioned it earlier, but still I hope you have tons of fun there! You know, take pictures, buy souvenirs, smuggle Spaniards back into the country, you know, all that fun stuff.

Yay! If you can, I can't wait to see your review, if not, I look forward to seeing you next week! By the way, how is the Princess Diary thing coming along? Is your sister still deleting chapters?

Mokuba's Official Glomper

I KNEW it! It made perfect sense! Gozi had to be a Space Pig!

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my story without waking up your Mom! I hope you come back sometime with all of your buddies and glomping tools!

Cute lil Yami

Actually, Bobby Bob Bill is a good name for a huge Sea Dragon!

Mer her her…COOKIE! (Eats it in one bite) Yay! It is oven fresh!

If the coconuts were funny, Joey's antics are only going to get funnier and funnier! Just read what's coming up next…Mua Ha Ha.

Everyone loves Spirit! And yes, they make look cute and cuddly, but never underestimate the furry of squirrels.

PH34R! I give you more! Thank you for the review, and come back soony! (licks ice cream)

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

If I Only Had a Mosquito the Size of a B-14

"Thank you so much for the ride Mr. Sea Serpent!" Ryo said, hopping off the great beast with Serenity and Spirit.

"Ah, it's no problem," said the huge sea serpent, descending back into the water after the three had hopped off, waving his tail good-bye behind him.

"Ryo, if the UN had your kind of diplomacy, we'd have so few wars that G.I. Joe would go out of business in a heartbeat," Serenity said.

"Thanks Serenity!" Ryo said. "Now, we better go off to find Seto and Joey!"

"Or their remains if they washed up together alive," Serenity said.

"So what do they look like anyway?" Spirit said.

"Well…" Ryo said. "Joey's okay height and weight wise, blonde hair, brown eyes, probably wearing a stupid look on his face and a T-Shirt, screams random things at the oddest times, and he probably won't know his own name."

"Seto's pretty tall, skinny, brown hair, blue eyes, probably yelling at something and wearing a trench coat, as will he be probably beating up someone." Serenity said.

"Okay…" Spirit said. "You have some weird friends."

"How about this?" Serenity said. "We'll split up, search out the two, and meet back here in a half hour to regroup. Okay?"

"Right," Ryo and Spirit said.

**A HALF HOUR LATER**

"Darn," Serenity said, dragging herself back to the beach. "I searched absolutely everywhere, but I couldn't find a single trace of Joey or Seto…I can't believe it…maybe they are…"

Serenity sunk down on the beach, completely burdened by the thought that she may never see Joey or Seto again. Tears welled up in her eyes when she remembered how much all four of them (and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins) had been through together on this entire journey, and how incredibly close they were to Rhinestone City. Even worse, she started flashing back to the good times…all the times they saved each other lives…and sorry butts…

"Oh man," Serenity said. "I miss them already…"

"Serenity! Good news!" Ryo called from the tropical coconut tree area behind the beach. "I found Joey's T-Shirt!"

"How do you know it's Joey's T-Shirt?" Serenity asked.

"Joey's inside it," Ryo said, dragging Joey by his T-Shirt across the sandy beach to Serenity's side.

"JOEY!" she cried with joy, rushing over to his side, tripping several times in the process, because her platforms kept sinking into the sand. "You're okay!"

"I like coconuts!" Joey said dreamily. "SERENITY! HI!"

"Oh Joey! Your monosyllabic, three word or less conversations make me feel better instantly!" Serenity said. "What happened? Where's Seto? Is he alright?"

"He's right here," Seto said behind her, Spirit at his side, staring dreamily at him, a hint of a blush on her face.

"Seto! You're okay too!" Serenity said cheerfully.

"Save the gush," Seto said angrily. "I've had to put up with way too much for the past day and a half. Including the most dangerous person nobody cares about known to man."

"Huh?" Ryo asked.

"IT WAS AWESOME!" Joey cried. "We were like, running, and the Tooth Fairy was like 'grr', and I was like 'owchies', and the weird kid was like 'MORALITY HAMMER!' and then we were like 'ZAPPPO!', and then the scary-man was like 'DIE!', and we we're like 'AAAAAAAAAH' and then the-"

"JOEY!" Serenity said. "Um, I think I need the unabridged version of this story."

"HI'M HUNGRY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"When is the last time we ate?" Seto asked.

"I'LLGETSOMEFOOD!" cried Spirit, rushing off. Everyone else sweat droped.

"Oh boy," said Serenity. "I've seen this before."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"Well, ya know…Spirit…Seto…ya know…" Serenity said.

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"Spirit…well, doesn't she seem a little…friendly towards you?" Serenity said to Seto.

"So what?" Seto said. "Joey's friendly, and it's annoying, nothing else."

"Well, ya," Serenity said. "I mean…a different, more…_special_ kind of friendly."

"Like the kind where you're mutual penpals and you send each other e-cards on the holidays and see each other on weekends?" Ryo asked.

Serenity stared at the three of them.

"You know, it's impossible to talk to any of you," she said.

---ooo---

**AT THE CAMPFIRE THAT NIGHT! WoOoOoOoO!**

"So, anyway," Serenity said, holding a small plate of bread and roasted fish, bread from the food supplies taken with them to the island, and fish they caught in the water (which they made sure were not on the endangered species list), "what happened with you two? How did you survive?"

"Yeah! Tell us!" Spirit said, bouncing up and down next to Seto, every time she managed to hit the ground, getting a tad closer to Seto.

"Whoa, two feet personal," Seto said, pushing her two feet away. "Anyway, if you really want to know…"

"ONCE UPON A TIME!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Uh…okay…" Seto said.

---ooo---

"WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH ME?" Seto yelled to the sky. "IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ME, TAKE ME NOW YOU STUPID SQUIRLEL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Tooth Fairy," Joey said, "Mista Koko says you're acting shtoopid."

"What?" Seto said.

"Mista Koko," Joey said, holding up the coconut, "says that you're acting shtoopid."

"Ah, I will most certainly abide the wisdom of a large seed," Seto said. He then just sat down in the sand, wallowing in his impending loss of sanity.

"Aw…cheer up Tooth Fairy!" Joey said, walking over with the coconut and sitting down right next to Seto. "Turn that frown, upside down! Now…HOW ABOUT A STORY?

"Joey, you can torture me, you can maul me, you can beat me with a blunt spade. Just please stop talking to me." Seto said.

"OKAY THEN!" Joey said. "This story is called…THE THREE LITTLE COWS!"

"Something tells me that if I talk to that coconut, I'll be able to have a more intelligent conversation than with you," Seto said.

"Once upon a time, there were three little cows!" Joey said. "There was a lazy cow, a paranoid cow, and a pink cow. One day, the three little cows all went to the land of incredibly smart people to find some magic beans! However, when they got to the path that led to the village of incredibly smart people, it was right next to the village of simpering idiots! So, the three little cows needed to ask the ugly old man who sat in the fork of the road for dirrectionies. But was he from the village of incredibly smart people or the village of simpering idiots? So the cows thought up a question they could ask the old man…BUT THEN THEY REALIZED THAT COWS CAN'T TALK! So they all walked over a cliff into a pit of boiling lava and turned into hamburgers, and I ate them! THE END!"

Moral of this story:…Uh…

"Joey…could you please drown yourself?" Seto asked.

"OKAY!" Joey said, running up to the shore, and dunking his head under the water.

"Well, problem one solved," Seto said, watching the scene play out before him. "Okay, now I just need to go find some way to-HOLY SHMUCK!"

There, standing in front of him, strap on wings, blue sweater-vest, and defiantly looking just like his twelve-year-old self, was Agent Sweater Vest.

"I hope you know, I don't condone such behavior," ASV said.

"Oh God, WHAT was I drinking on that ship?" Seto asked.

"Wow, do I hear _that_ one a lot," ASV thought out loud. "Uh, sorry, I'm your (cough) temporary conscience."

"No, you're a hallucination. Go away," said Seto.

"I am _not _a hallucination!" ASV said, slightly angry. "But is that the point? No. The point is that you're ordering a kid to drown himself. Normally, I'd look over that, but all you're doing is abusing and exploiting the stupid."

"If you're so great, why aren't you trying to save him?" Seto said.

"Oh, I'm not worried," ASV said. "His head's so full of air, he'll probably be able to survive without coming to the surface for at least three hours."

"Tooth Fairy, am I dead yet?" Joey asked, getting out of the water for a second.

"I rest my case," ASV said.

Seto looked at the two for a second. This was rock bottom. Stranded on the middle of a beach on a desert with nothing but coconut trees, sand, and microbes, and he had to spend the rest of his life with the mutt and a hallucination.

"That's it, I'm drowning myself," he said, walking up to the shore.

"Ooooh, no you aren't," said ASV, fluttering in his way. "That is waaaay out of line. Plus if you killed yourself, it would be an absolute paperwork nightmare for me!'

"Shove over dust mop," said Seto, breezing right by him.

"MORALITY HAMMER!" screamed ASV at the top of his lungs, pulling out a huge hammer, with 'morality hammer' stamped on the handle, clocking Seto over the head so hard, he fell to the ground stiff as a board, completely knocked out.

"Whoops, I hit him to hard…" said ASV.

Suddenly, Joey's brilliant powers of observation kicked in.

"Uh…YOU'VE GOT WINGS!" said Joey.

"Uh…yeah…" said ASV. "Actually, their strap ons, but I usually don't like to admit it. I'm kinda lacking in the wings department."

Joey just stared stupidly for a second.

"What are wings?" Joey asked.

---ooo---

"Wow, he really is skiney, isn't he?"

"Uh…ketchup?"

"Wait wait, he's coming around, don't scare him."

"HI TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Seto to sit up bolt upright in shock.

"Whatwhatwhatwhathappened?" he asked, looking around every which way, only to discover that he was still stuck alone on the island with the hallucination and the mutt.

"How long have I been knocked out?" he asked angrily.

"YEARS AND YEARS!" Joey screamed.

"Six minutes," ASV said.

"Okay, it's a bad sign when I believe a hallucination," Seto said.

"It's okay Seto, I've got good news!" ASV said. "Your weirdo palls are here to save you!"

"HI SETO!" Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Ryo screamed at the top of their lungs, waving wildly at Seto.

"Well…that's okay I guess," Seto said. "But I know what would make it better-"

"HEY EVERYONE!" said Shrilanka-San, very unorthodoxly walking into her own story. "Guess what!"

"What?" Joey, Serenity, Ryo, and ASV asked at the top of their lungs.

"Since Joey's such a useless character, I decided to write him out of the story!" Shri said. "Bye Joey!"

And with a little pop, Joey disappeared.

"Wow!" Seto said. "This is the second greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life!"

"And guess what?" ASV said. "It turns out that I'm actually a hallucination. So…bye."

And with a pop, ASV also disappeared.

"My God!" Seto said. "It's like all my dreams are coming true at once!"

"Hey Seto, it turns out that I'm not Ryo at all!" Ryo said. "I'M A FEMALE IRISH STEP DANCER!"

"Wha?" Seto asked.

And with that, Ryo tore off his clothes, revealing him to have a barmaid outfit, and he suddenly busted into an Irish line dance, several other back up dancers suddenly appearing in the background.

"Uh…" Seto said.

"And I'm not Serenity!" Serenity said. "I'M-"

With that, she tore off her Serenity costume, to show that she was-

"BOB BARKER!" she screamed.

"And I'm not Ms. Fuzzy-Kins," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, tearing off her plushie costume. "I'm Jennifer Lopez!"

"Okay, I really am dreaming, aren't I?" Seto asked, as Ryo danced by him.

---ooo---

"Wow, he really is skinny, isn't he?"

"Uh…ketchup?"

"Wait wait, he's coming around, don't scare him."

"HI TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Seto to sit up bolt upright in shock.

"Whatwhatwhatwhathappened?" he asked, looking around every which way, only to discover that he was still stuck alone on the island with the hallucination and the mutt.

"How long have I been knocked out?" he asked angrily.

"YEARS AND YEARS!" Joey screamed.

"Six minutes," ASV said.

"Okay, it's a bad sign when I believe a hallucination," Seto said. "Wait a second…"

He slapped himself in the face.

"Oh no…" he said. "This is no dream…THIS IS NO DREAM!"

"Uh…anyway, I'm really sorry I hit you," ASV said a tad bit frightened. "It's just that I didn't want you to hurt yourself!"

"So you were nice enough to do it for me," said Seto. "Can't you tell when I'm kidding?"

"Oh," ASV said.

"Well…I guess I'm stuck here…" Seto said.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Joey yelled.

"Give me a moment in your empty life that you're not hungry," Seto said hotly.

"Then let's look for food!" ASV said happily.

"FOOD!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs, running into the jungle, then running out screaming as a swarm of mosquitoes the size of B-14s.

"Okay, let's look for food on the shore," said ASV said.

"FOOD!" Joey said, running into the forest again, and once again being chased out by a huge swarm of the incredibly large mosquitoes.

"It goes through one ear and out the other, doesn't it?" ASV asked Seto.

"Your powers of observation astounds me," Seto said dryly.

---ooo---

"Okay gentlemen, and for you Joey, I use 'gentlemen' in the broadest terms possible," Seto said, "lets see what we all managed to collect."

"Okay, uh," said ASV, "the only edible thing I found was some sea weed. Oh yeah, and a dead shark carcass up the beach."

"Okay, next," Seto said.

"Ha!" Joey said. "I found the most delicious food known to mind, and there's enough here to feed an army of dolphins!"

"Okay…" ASV said with an uneasy look at Joey.

"Behold…THE STICK!" Joey said, pulling out a small stick. Both Seto and ASV stared in shock at how stupid this entire situation was.

"I don't think that's enough for all of us…" ASV said.

"NONESENCE!" screamed Joey, swallowing the entire stick in one huge, unattractive gulp, also his hand, but at least he pulled it out.

"See?" he said, with a drool covered hand. "THERE'S PLENTY!"

"Uh…" ASV said, sweat dropping.

"Joey, just in case you forgot, I hate you," Seto said.

"Thanks Tooth Fairy!" Joey said.

"Okay, about that sea weed…" Seto said.

"Sorry, the sea weeds a no go," said ASV.

"_WHY?_" Seto asked dangerously.

"Because before I managed to get any, a huge wave came and just sucked it into the ocean!" ASV said cheerfully.

"Then why did you mention it earlier?" Seto hissed between his teeth.

"Well, I stated all the edible things I found; I didn't state that I had any," ASV said.

"And…the shark's carcass?" Seto asked.

"Well, actually, that's probably still on the beach," ASV said. "Oh wait, no, there was this _other_ wave, and I swear that it was like, twenty feet tall-"

"TAKE ME NOW LORD!" screamed Seto.

"OH NO!" ASV said, grabbing both Seto and Joey and diving behind some bushes on the outskirts of the forest. "TAKE COVER!"

"What? What is it?" Seto asked.

"The most dangerous beast known to man!" Joey cried. "It's the size of a full grown man standing up, it can run faster than a gazelle, and it has the teeth of a lion!"

"What is it?" Seto asked, not impressed. "A horrific mutant? An oversized badger? One of Joey's friends from the ghetto?"

"NO, WORSE!" Joey screamed. "It's…it's a…"

However, before he could say another word, a red, extremely confused dog trotted onto the beach, panting incoherently, and overall looking like the stupidest thing know to man. It bounced around the shore absentmindedly…literally, and drooled like a water fountain.

"_That's_ the horrible creature?" Seto said in disgust. "You simple idiots…"

"You don't understand!" ASV said. "Red dogs are by far the unluckiest creatures to wander this life! Merely having one cross your path will give you the worst luck experienced by any mortal!"

"Oh yeah," Seto said. "And for how long? Thirteen years? Seven?"

"All eternity," said ASV.

"Okay, that's it," said Seto, getting out of the bushes and walking over to the incredibly stupid unlucky creature.

"NO! TOOTH FAIRY, COME BACK!" Joey screamed.

"Alright you incredibly stupid red creature," said Seto to the panting red dog. "I don't think you're a cursed creature, but the two idiots in the bush thing that you are, so beat it."

The red dog just panted and stared at Seto.

"Beat it!" Seto said. "Go! Vas! Leave! Don't be here!"

The red dog continued to pant.

"Darn, you make Joey look like a Harvard Professor," Seto said. "GO AWAY!"

However, the red dog, completely taken by the way Seto didn't want to see her there, jumped up, rammed her front paws on his chest, and gave him a big sloppy dog kiss on the nose.

"AAAAAAH!" screamed ASV!

"You've been…NOSE KISSED!" Joey cried in horror.

"So what?" Seto said, shoving the red dog off his body.

"That's the ultimate curse!" ASV cried. "Your soul is doomed to writhe in agony for all eternity!"

"Oh yeah, like I haven't heard that a million times before," Seto said.

"Ha-raow?" said the red dog, bouncing by Seto's path. Suddenly, out of the sky, Seto got crushed by a piano…and nine flutes, sixteen clarinets, four saxophones, an alto sax, eight trumpets, fourteen trombones, and oboe, a bassoon, a base clarinet, several percussion instruments, and the conductor.

"That…was a coincidence," Seto managed to say, but he was muffled by several concert instruments.

---ooo---

"Ahh…nice warm camp fire," Joey said. "It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!"

"JOEY! YOUR FOOT'S ON FIRE!" ASV cried in distress.

"So?" Joey said, his foot in the fire, which out of driftwood, our three hopeless cases managed to build a fire to at least keep themselves warm. ASV sighed, walked over to Joey, picked up a large load of sand, and snuffed the flames that were gobbling up Joey's left foot.

"Thankie spankies Tooth Fairy's Magical Helper!" Joey said.

"Just call me ASV already!" screamed ASV.

"Great," Seto said. "No food, no Rhinestone City, and I'm stuck on a God-forsaken rock with the missing link between man and moron."

"It's okay Tooth Fairy," Joey said kindly. "Just remember, no matter how bad things get, they can always get tons worse, so cheer up and stop whining you sissy!"

Seto just glared angrily.

"He means that in the best possible way," ASV said. "All he wants to do is help!"

"If he wants to help, he can shut up," Seto said, turning his back on the two.

ASV just tsked to himself.

"You sound like you come with a very sad yet tastefully s uplifting story about yourself," said ASV.

"Mff," Seto mumbled.

"Come on, you can tell us," ASV. "Talking makes you feel better!"

"If I want emotional healing, I'll go watch a chick flick, not babble to a hallucination and an idiot," Seto muttered.

"I'm not a hallucination!" ASV yelled for the six billionth (give or take) time.

"Yeah, and I'm not a chick!" Joey said.

"Look, will you both shut up if I tell you?" Seto asked.

ASV nodded, and Joey just stared at a very fascinating cloud.

"Okay," Seto said. "I'll t-"

"HELLO EVERYONE!" screamed a very piercing, incredibly cutsie voice of a woman with a very weird foreign accent, though it sounded Austrian/German ish. She was wearing one of those odd magiciany kind of outfits that consisted of a one piece bathing suit, a tailcoat/blazer, a top hat, a very nice cane, some stockings, and a pair of hush puppies. At here side was a very depressed looking monkey.

"Um…hello…" said ASV, not sure what the heck was going on.

"I am Mizz Fantasia!" said the peppy woman. "And ziz is my monkey assistant, Baboo!"

"I hate my life," Baboo said.

"Huh, maybe this is a dream," Seto said hopefully.

"SMILES EVERYONE, SMILES!" said the woman enthusiastically/hysterically. "You have arrived on my own fantasy island! And because of that, you are all eligible for one wish!"

"AWESOMEIWISHFORAPINKPONY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No no my stupid friend!" said Mizz Fantasia. "To receive my wish, you must do what Baboo sayz!"

"You have to cross the stupid island," Baboo said.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia. "But what elze must zey do?"

"Blow the stupid whistle when you get there," muttered Baboo.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia, patting him on the head. "If you survive, ahem, make it to zee the other end of the island, you shall one free wish!"

"This is awesome!" ASV said. "We can wish for a way off the island, and you guys can get back home!"

"Very good my hallucinatory friend!" said Mizz Fantasia.

"FOR THE LAST FLIPPING TIME, I AM NOT A HALLUCINATION!"ASV screamed.

"Vateva," said Mizz Fantasia, hurling a whistle at the speed of light at Joey's eye, which successfully hit its mark. "Now, just do vat we said! Make it there, and you can get anywhere! And remember," she pointed to the corners of her mouth, "SMILES EVERYONE, SMILES!"

"BYE!" Joey said, as Mizz Fantasia and Baboo mysteriously disappeared.

"Well, tomorrow looks like it's going to be a big day!" said ASV.

"Whatever, go to sleep before I hurt you," said Seto.

"Good night Seto, good night Joey!" ASV said cheerfully.

"GOOD NIGHT TOOTH FAIRY AND THE TOOTH FAIRY'S MAGIC HELPER!" said Joey.

_Great_ Seto thought. _I'm stuck with an idiot who can take any kind of damage I throw at him, and a kid just as sickeningly sweet as Ryo, but harder to beat up._

---ooo---

Hey everyone! It's great to be back on the road! Though I think the last two chapters aren't that funny. Odd…but is that the point? No. The point is that the next chapter will be…ABSOLUTLY HILLARIOUS! Know why? Next chapter, I throw in a character who may seem like absolutely nothing at first….BUT TURNS INTO A COMPLETE MONSTER WHEN YOUR BACK IS TURNED!

And the red dog returned! I just decided to make the red dog an unlucky creature, because sometimes our dog will get up on her back legs and give us a kiss on the face, and she is about as tall as you are when drawn to full height. Anyway, when you get 'nose kissed' (or the just as dangerous 'hand lick') you shouldn't play yahtzee on the computer, because you will most certainly lose.

Oh yeah. I don't own Fantasy Island, and I don't know what horrible demon possessed me to swing it into the mix.

Now…HAVE A LOOK!

---ooo---

Woah…" Joey said, hanging upside down by cuffs coming out of the wall in a windowless room. In it was scattered with all manor of various implements of tortures (most things consisting of huge spikes, large heavy objects, and uncomfortable looking body placement devices).

"OH NO! THEY'VE TAKEN ME BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL!" Joey said. "Oh man! I just got out two years ago!"

"Greatings, herr Vheeler," said a very evil sounding voice in a very Germany sounding voice, clearly telling that English was his second language, wearing a cloak that hid his face. "I hope you find your accommodations un-comfort-tayble."

"My what's are what?" Joey asked.

"You probably vish to know my name," said the evil voice. "Zey call me…well, zat's not important. The important thing is that you should prepare to be in ec shrushiating pain."

"AWESOME! PAIN!" Joey said.

---ooo---

SMILES EVERYONE! SMILES!


	18. If I Only Had a Guy with a Really Bad Ac...

"_One One was a race horse,  
__Two Two was one too.  
__When One One Won one race,  
__Two Two won one too."_

(A weirdo thing one the board one time.)

Sorry to confuse you. ONTO THE REVIEWS!

Funky Egyptian

CAKE! (Devours in one bite)

Thankie spankies for the reviews and the awesome party! And I'm glad you liked your sledgehammer. I was going to get you a convertible, but do to massive budget cuts and the fact that I spent way too much time in Borders the last few weeks (FURUBA! YGO DUELIST! MUAHAHAHA!), I think a sledgehammer was much nicer.

Ah yes. I don't know how I thought up the Three Little Cows. I think it was a sugar rush or something…anyway, thanks as always Funky!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Yay! You found a computer! I knew they had those in Spain!

You are so awesome for being so faithful to reading this story. It's readers like you who make me drag myself off the couch watching cartoon re-runs and coming over to the computer to write!

So what are you confused about? Fill me in, and I'll explain.

I wish I could help you with the sister thing. I have a little brother who, at times, I think has it in for me as well.

All I can do is try to lighten things up. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!

Lefthandedfreak

I sense there's an English Teacher in your life you don't like.

I think that English teachers can be really annoying if you don't have a good one. I only like English because you get to write and read in class. However, I have an English teacher who, even though she's a very nice woman, has a tendency to pick the most sexist 'classic' novels and make us read them (DIE FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON! DIE!).

The dream thing was really fun. I don't know why, but I think I enjoy torturing Seto the most out of any other characters.

A MAGIC EIGHT BALL! (Shakes) Will I ever be a great psychotic authoress? (Looks in) 'Ha ha ha ha'?

Anyway, thanks for liking this story so much! Hope you enjoy this one!

Gothangelmyu

To be honest, I think anyone would be upset to be kept called a hallucination.

If Hazel is anything like Joey, I'd defiantly like to meet her. It would be kind of funny if Joey wasn't whacked on the head at birth, but actually some kind of failed, alien experiment that got dropped on Earth.

I missed you last chapter! Come back again next time!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

You dreamed you drove a foot once? Weird, I once dreamed I was being horrifically beaten by a Barbie Doll.

You know, your reviews are so fun, I think you can just write a whole story using them. They're random, they're crazy, and they're funny!

What could I possibly say but thank you for coming back again. Don't go destroying too many things, and stay away from Canada!

Cute lil Yami

That is absolutely grandativly totally sweet! You are so nice. Maybe one day, I will write a frighteningly random novel, that's so funny, so crazy, that it will be the next Harry Potter!

Hooray for ASV!

If you thought this chapter was funny, the next one will be a knockout. Hope you enjoy it, and I hope you scream out laughing again!

Magnum Chaos

Wicked awesome name dude.

Thank you for the review! And for not completely dying of laughing. I don't want any insurance claims on my hands. Oh yeah…heh, well, in honest confession, I'm not that hot in spelling. It is my one true weakness.

And I most certainly will keep an eye out for your stories!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

If I only had a Guy with a Really Bad Accent

"Tooth Fairy," Joey whispered, shaking Seto at what felt like two AM on the beautiful island paradise (ha ha) that they were on, "Tooth Fairy, I can't sleep."

"So I have to suffer because of that fact?" Seto asked angrily in a groggy drone.

"Usually, I can't sleep when I feel lonely and scared," Joey said "You know, sometimes I couldn't sleep when I was just a little boy,"

"Intelligence wise, you really haven't made any progress from that point," Seto muttered back, even though half asleep, still possessing the ability to make smart comments.

"You see, back in my parent's house, there was a terrible beast that only came out at night," Joey said. "It was called The Evil Thing That Waits until You Get up To Go to the Bathroom to Dismember You! Wanna hear about him?"

"About as much as I want to nail wooden stakes up my backside," Seto snarled back.

"It's a horrible, malformed creature," Joey said. "He always waits in the bathroom, hoping someone will go in the middle of the night, so he can feed on mortal flesh. However, you can always tell he's in there, because he has a stench that smells of a thousand horses that break wind night and day!"

"Hey…wh-whasup?" said ASV said, groggily getting up, hearing Joey drone on about some stupidish creature that only he could think up.

"Joey's droning on about some stupid creature that only he can think up," Seto said. "Both of you go to sleep before I get ticked and _make_ you shut up."

"What horrible creature do you speak of?" ASV asked.

"The Evil Thing That Waits until You Get up To Go to the Bathroom to Dismember You," Joey said.

"Have you actually seen this…Evil Thing dismember any of your family?" ASV asked.

"Nope," Joey said. "But one night, my Dad saw this terrible entity when going to of to the bathroom, and when he opened the door, the stench of a thousand horses' behinds filled the room, and the horrible monster was standing right in front of him!"

"Did your father escape?" ASV asked.

"Uh huh," Joey said, "but the scary thing was that was the same night _I _got up to go to the bathroom!"

"Uh…" ASV started.

"But that's not the scariest part!" Joey said. "You see, the day that I left the house on my quest for a brain, the horrible creature left too! So that means that he still wanders this life with cold blood and the urge to hunt me down and dismember me!"

There was silence.

"Joey, as you know, I dislike to hear your nasal, New York Accent twisted voice, but it is only made worse by the fact that you jabber on about chapters of your meaningless life," said Seto dangerously. "I suggest you shut up and go to sleep, before I take a safety pin and pop the air-filled pocked that rests on your shoulders."

"Thank you Tooth Fairy!" Joey said. "You've made me feel so much better!"

With that, he fell flat on the sand and started snoring like a pack of elephants.

"Oddly, this whole conversation was very strange," Seto said. "When I was living in my house, I had as similar experience to Joey. People kept claiming to see a very tall, skeletal figure with skin extremely pale skin and eyes that were icy cold slits who seemed to defy gravity itself. However, I've never seen this figure ever."

"Did it also disappear the day you left home?" ASV asked.

"That very day…" Seto said.

"Uh…g'night," ASV said, quickly going back to sleep.

---ooo---

The next morning was a bright and sunny one, with happy birds singing in the trees, waves gently cascading across pale, sun beached sand, sparkling in the golden yet soft beams of the sun that slowly began to rise in the sky in a sky turned into a pool of purple and gold, turning the tree tops emerald green and the water a magnificent bath of wonder. So beautiful, so majestic, so peaceful-

"I'M HUNGRY!" screamed Joey at the top of his lungs.

"AAAAAAH! I'M AWAKE HEADMISTRISS!" ASV screamed in horror.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Seto angrily.

"I'm so hungry!" Joey said with tears in his eyes. "I haven't eaten for an entire day! I'll never survive! I wither to nothing!"

"Joey, the last day you were on the pirate ship, you consumed nine roasted chickens, six baked pigs, forty sailors biscuits, nine loads of preserved fruit, eight pounds of bacon, ten platters of roasted fish, fourteen deep baked pot pies, eighteen fruit pies, and twelve cheese wheels for_ a midnight snack_," Seto said. "If there's anyway your going to die on this island, it's not going to be from starvation."

"Must have food!" Joey said, stuffing a handful of sand in his mouth and chewing it.

"E-yah," said ASV. "Well, we better get to the other end of the island pronto before he starts trying to eat human flesh. Whoops, too late."

At that minute, Joey began to start chewing on his own leg.

"Never mind," ASV said. "ONWARD MEN!"

"Who died and made you the kind of the world?" Seto asked.

"MORALITY HA-"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Seto said.

"Tooth Fairy, I miss Serenity," Joey said. "And I miss the nice person who cries a lot."

"I don't," Seto said.

"I just wish they were here," Joey said. "I miss the way the nice person always says nice things that are nice, and I miss all the fun times we had together, and I miss my hula outfit, and I missed the way Serenity always kicked you around-"

Seto sighed.

"Well, we'll find them," ASV said. "Now, how are we going to get into the forest without being killed by mosquitoes?"

"OH, OH, I KNOW!" Joey said. "We can go talk politely to the mosquitoes, bake them a pie, sing a happy song, and then they'll let us in!"

"I don't think that will work," Seto said flatly.

"YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ANY FRIENDS WITH THAT KIND OF ATTITUDE!" Joey said.

"Why don't instead of going through the island, we go around it on the shore until we make it to the other end?" Seto asked.

"Pfft, that'll never work!" Joey said.

---ooo---

"Are we there yet?" Joey asked, as he, Seto, and ASV began to walk around the island to get to the other side. Actually, ASV was floating using the power of his strap on wings.

"Joey, we get there when we do," said Seto.

"I love that album," ASV said.

"What?" Seto asked.

"Nothing," ASV said.

"Hey Tooth Fairy," Joey said. "Aintcha worried that you're still afflicted by the curse of the red dog?"

"Joey, unlike you, I have the brain capacity to tell the difference between facts and useless superstitions," Seto said. "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE CURSE OF THE RED DOG!"

"Ha-raow?" said the red dog, bouncing across Seto's path. At that moment, a random blonde, slim, incredibly appealing female pop star appeared out of no where. You know, a typical bimbo-y type of girl who'll either marry a pop star or marry once a month. She also wore the typical pop star look, with one strapped belly shirt that's neck line was too low for comforts, and a pair of sparkly pants with black platforms.

"Oh yeah right," Seto said. "This is the best a stupid superstition could do? Bring on a Brittany Spears clone? You have g-"

However, before Seto could say another word, the pop star person pulled out a huge flame thrower and barbequed Seto's face with it. She then gave him the cold shoulder and walked off.

"You know, call me old fashioned, but that seemed to be on the bad luck lines to me," ASV said.

"Shut up," a barbequed Seto said.

"Oh no!" ASV cried. "While I was busy enjoying the irony of this moment, Joey went missing!"

"Yet again," Seto said. "Let me guess, there will be a tactful left and incredibly convenient ransom note left behind telling us who took him and how to get him back."

"Dear Herr Kaiba and Herr Flying, Cutsie Thing," read ASV from a tactfully left and incredibly convenient ransom note, "I have your little gnome held hostage in my little torture pit. If you wish to see him again in a form that doesn't remind you of Hawaiian Punch, please kindly follow the directions on the map on the back of this note. Warmest wishes, Heir T.T."

"Joy, utter joy," Seto said.

"Seto, this is terrible!" ASV said. "Joey could be brutally tortured! We need to save him!"

"Okay, here's three reasons why I'm not going to," Seto said, holding up three fingers. "Reason one, he's Joey. Two, I hate him. Three, his captor spelt gnome without the 'g'."

"And here's two reasons why you are," ASV said, holding up two fingers. "One, morality. Two, hammer."

"You're nothing without that stupid little mallet, you know that don't you?" Seto said.

"Well, I have a Righteousness Thumbtack in my back pocket, but I find the hammer more effective," said ASV.

"Uh huh," Seto said. "The only thing I can wish for at this point in time is that Joey is being as brutally tortured as I am now."

---ooo---

**MEANWHILE, IN A DARK EVIL LAIR! WoOoOoOoO!**

"Whoa…" Joey said, hanging upside down by cuffs coming out of the wall in a windowless room. In it was scattered with all manor of various implements of tortures (most things consisting of huge spikes, large heavy objects, and uncomfortable looking body placement devices).

"OH NO! THEY'VE TAKEN ME BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL!" Joey said. "Oh man! I just got out two years ago!"

"Gratings, herr Vheeler," said a very evil sounding voice in a very Germany sounding voice, clearly telling that English was his second language, wearing a cloak that hid his face. "I hope you find your accommodations un-comfort-tayble."

"My whats are what?" Joey asked.

"You probably vish to know my name," said the evil voice. "Zey call me…well, zat's not important. The important thing is that you should prepare to be in ec shrushiating pain."

"AWESOME! PAIN!" Joey said.

"Allow me to entordukey the last people you'll ever see," said the evil voice. "Ziss is Herr David. Iz speciality is mezzing wit one's head, and annoying people with his terrible singing."

Herr David leered unpleasantly, holding a spiky gold club like instrument in his hand.

"Ziss is Herr Gregory," said the evil person. "Iz speciality is to dezstroy yon soul with his dark, incredibly distorted sency of humer."

Herr Gregory was currently reading 'One Hundred and One Incredibly Evil Yet Tastefully Witty Things To Say' from a great big red book.

"And lazt, and very much least, is Herr Jim. He pretty much handles all zee bodily pain…and he cooks several oriental dishes tri-weeklee."

I don't even want to mention what Jim was holding.

"HI EVERYONE!" Joey said happily.

All three waved back.

"Uff corsey, I will come down every so often to keshton you," said the incredibly evil person. "I ave my own spesiall treatements for your kind, Herr Vheeler."

"Yeah, okay," Joey said.

"Farewell, Herr Vheeler," said the evil person, disappearing into the shadows. "Henjoy your last few minutes of enjoying the fact that you are alive."

"Okay! Bye grandpa!" Joey said.

---ooo---

"Oh…oh my lord," ASV said in a dreamy voice, clearly pulling himself out of a daze. "That all went so fast…how did we manage to get past the walls of mosquitoes the size of B-14's?"

"One bit you and sucked your blood, you fainted, I claimed you were dead, and after a generous bribe, they let us through out of sympathy," said Seto.

"Oh yeah, it's all coming back to me now," said ASV. "Hey, wait a minute, weren't you the one that fainted?"

"I don't think we should get into the messy details," Seto said.

The jungle was like a large building more than an actual landscape. The palm trees hissed against each other as a high sea wind rustled through them, and through the roof-like canopy, a shimmering green light was filtered through the leaves. The jungle was incredibly moist, even in the air, and the ground was soft with fallen leaves of countless ages. Birdsong filled the air, as well as that of angry bugs.

"Okay, let's have a look at that map," Seto said, pulling it out. Upon it was a very detailed drawing. The previous sentence, as usual, was a complete lie. It was a piece of computer paper with a huge X that had 'you' written over it, and then there was a dotted line that scrawled all around the paper until at last making it to the top right hand corner that said 'Torture Pit'.

"Well that's about as helpful as the book version of 'How to Read'," said Seto disdainfully.

"Are you completely insane?" ASV said, looking at the map. "It clearly says that we should move straight on from here for thirty yards, take a right at the largest palm tree, go forty more feet, walk along until you see the huge mud pit, turn northward until you hit the nearest clearing, go due west while thinking nice thoughts and counting to ten, and then we'll be right there. Dang, what are you stupid?"

Seto stared at ASV for a moment.

"I'm insane," Seto said. "I rescuing a complete fool, and I'm listening to a hallucination form of Conan the Barbarian."

Despite his usual gripping, he and ASV set off into the jungle anyway.

---ooo---

"Herr Vheeler," said the evil person, opening the door to the cell, sending great shafts of light into the dark room where dust floated dreamily toward the ceiling, creating a very dramatic silhouette. "Ave you suffered horrivic torture from the fiery pits of-VAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

"My faaaaaather used to be a caaaaptaaain, he waaas so ugly and so fat. One day, when he played with his doooollieeeees, he got murdered by a cat. The caaaat was soft and cute and fluuuuuffy-" Joey sang, with the three incredibly weird men of torture singing along, sometimes performing a dramatic echo of the song. Clearly, no one was in a tremendous amount of pain, and they all seemed to be having a heck of a fun time.

"OKAY! ZATS IT! ZATS IT!" screamed the evil person. "Greg, Dave, Jim, you all know what zis means!"

"No smoothie night?" asked Greg.

"Not for a month!" said the evil person. All of the employees started crying.

"Az fer you, Herr Vheeler," said the evil person, pulling out a dodge ball, "I shall have my fun."

"Oh boy! We're going to play Yahtzee?" Joey asked.

"NO HERR VHEELER!" said the evil person. "Ve are going to play 'make the prisoner cry and confess everything he knows, so zat I can be zee ruler of Cuz!"

"Ooh! That sounds like fun!" Joey said.

"Alright scarecrow," said the evil person, bouncing the ball up and down in his hand, intending to make a pitch that would brutally harm Joey, "do you vish to play ball?"

"Yeah, okay," Joey said, as the evil person smacked him in the face. Joey, being blissfully stupid, didn't do anything, except stare blankly and smile stupidly. This, in turn, ticked off the evil person, so he aimed another powerful blow at Joey. It did, once again, hit him, but Joey continued to stare stupidly. As you know, the many biological advantages of being an idiot includes being able to withstand large amounts of physical damage without being hurt.

"I zee I vill have a shalenge wit you, Herr Vheeler," said the evil person. "I assure you that you will talk evenchually!"

"Kay," Joey said.

"SHUT UP!" screamed the evil person, bonking Joey with the dodge ball again. "I bet zat you are trying to win my truzt with your smooth tongue!"

"No," Joey said.

"SHUT UP!" the evil person said again, bonking Joey with the dodge ball again. "I can't stand you with you Americans and your fancy talk. You zink you're so cool, with your Double Mac's and your toilets that flush themselves and your NHL Hockey games for your handheld computers! BUT NO MORE! Today, Herr Vheeler, I shall week my revengey! BWA HA HA HA!"

"Neat," Joey said.

"SHUT UP!" screamed the evil person, hitting Joey with the dodge ball again. "Obviously you are zee type zat doesn't easily talk Herr Vheeler. Hoevar, I have just zee soluteeseeon for you."

"Twenty dollars?" Joey asked.

"Now, zat iz plan bee," said the evil person. "Let us see how easily it iz to stay silent when your friend iz under PAIN!"

"Kay," Joey said.

"SHUT UP!"

Bonk!

---ooo---

"Huge mud pit…huge mud pit…" said ASV looking every which way. "Where the heck is that stupid mud pit? Oh man, we better find it fast, before Joey is brutally tortured to death!"

"Oh no, we can't have that," Seto said in a dead pan.

"MORALITY HAMMER!"

SLAM!

In a look of intense pain on his face, Seto fell face down to the ground.

"DON'T DO THAT!" he yelled, his voice muffled in the dirt.

"Let's face it," ASV said. "Everyone hates it when their hammered by morals, but in the end, when they learn, oh do they learn."

"Thank you," Seto said, pulling himself up in a great amount of pain. "I feel enlightened."

"You're welcome!" said ASV.

"One day, I'll teach you a magical little technique called 'recognizing sarcasm'," Seto said. "Not today though."

"Ez scyuse me meester," said a random guy with a blowpipe.

"What?" Seto asked, not in the mood for anything but beating up a certain flying temporary conscious with strap on wings and a Morality Hammer. Unfortunately, his mood was not to be improved when the blow piper dude blew into his pipe, and with a little 'foomp', a tiny little dart with a cute little feathery tip buried itself in his neck.

"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" Seto roared, rolling up his sleeve. "I've been trapped on this island, with the person I hate more than anything else, I am currently traveling with a hallucination, I…whoa, I'm feeling really dizzy…."

"What's going on?" ASV cried in distress.

"Ah yez," said the evil blow piper person. "He is currently going through the stages of the veint inducing poison on zee the dart. He'z just gone through unbridled furry, and now eez going through dizziness."

"That's the real-OWW!" said Seto, dizzily running into a palm tree.

"Then you feint?" ASV asked.

"Ho no," said the evil drone. "Zen comes zee feeling of complete hopelessness."

"WAAAAAAAAH!" Seto screamed, sinking to the ground and bursting into tears. "I…I'm such a bad person! MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY VOID!"

"And then you feint?" ASV asked.

"No," said the blow piper. "Zen comes the feeling of extreme giddiness!"

"WEEEEEE!" screamed Seto, bouncing up and down in the sand. "Isn't life just fun? I want to dance! I want to sing! I WANT TO HUG EVERYONE!"

"_Please_ tell me feinting comes next!" ASV begged.

"No, next you spin around in a circle three times and say the name of a random fruit," said the blow piper.

"APRICOT!" Seto said, as he spun in a circle three times, then abruptly feinted.

"Okay, that's it!" said ASV. "Since you hurt my client, that gives me the right to turn you-"

FOOMP!

The blow piper blew out another dart, which buried itself in ASV's cheek.

"AAAAAARGH!" screamed ASV, raising up his Morality Hammer. "That's it punk! No mercy! When I'm done with you, they won't have enough of you to put in a small thimble! I…hey, whoa…everything's spinning around. Wait hang on, stand still, maybe I can-OWWWW!"

ASV slammed into the exact same coconut tree Seto did.

"OH MAN!" he said, bursting into tears as he slid down the coconut tree. "IT'S HOPELESS! I'm a complete failure, and everyone hates me! I'll never be worth anything, and even if I get reincarnated, I'll screw up again! WAAAAAAAAAH! But…but that doesn't matter! I FEEL SO HAPPY! Let's all dance around and sing uplifting songs! Let's bake some cookies! LET'S-"

Suddenly, ASV spun around three times.

"WATERMELLON!" he screamed, then abruptly fainted.

"Pathetic," said the blow piper, dragging Seto off.

---ooo---

**SOME TIME LATTER! WoOoOoOoO!**

Seto found himself coming to the same way he came from…dark, in incredible pain, and with the feeling that he needed to knock the stuffing out of someone. It didn't help that he was chained to the wall upside down in what looked like a torture pit with so little light that he literally couldn't see his hand in front of his face. However, he soon learned that all of it was nothing compared to-

"HI TOOTH FAIRY!" Joey screamed, to Seto's horror, right next to him on the wall, except that he had the luxury of being chained right side up.

"MUTT!" Seto yelled angrily. "Tell me what's going on the next five seconds, or I swear, alive or dead, I'll beat the tar out of you."

"That didn't seem like a very polite tone!" Joey said matter-of-factly.

"Of course," Seto said. "The blood is rushing to my head, and the sense is rushing from Joey's."

"Ah, Herr Kaiba," said the evil voice, as the door opened once again, flodding the room with bright sunlight again, as the evil person stepped in. "I hope you enjoy your stay."

"About as much as I'd enjoy my teeth getting pulled." Seto said.

"Vell, now zat you are here," said the evil person. "It is time to reveal…MY TRUE FACE!"

The evil person then, very slowly for dramatic effect, pulled back the hood of his cape. Joey and Seto gasped in shock, for it was none other than-

---ooo---

How's _that _for a cliffhanger?

I really enjoyed doing this chapter! I think it was my favorite one to write up to date. I mean, there wasn't a single un-funny moment in it anywhere (I don't think), and I think it was exciting from beginning to end. And half the fun was making up the symptoms for the feinting spell inducer.

The Red Dog appears over and over again…beware…

Oh yes, and I don't own the album 'We Get There When We Do' by Suddenly Tammy, and I also don't own Yahtzee. Thought you outta know.

Okay, I don't want to give any free info for the next chapter, because I would give away the name of the mystery man! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Oh, and see you next week!


	19. If I Only Had an Evil Plot

Is it stupid? Or is the stupid person who's calling the stupid thing stupid stupid stupid?

Well, I suppose you've all been just waiting by your computer every waking second of Friday to wait for me to update. HERE'S TO YOU GUYS!

Gothangelmyu

HELLO! I'm glad you found the last chapter as funny as I did. The monster thing was funny, because I thought I would just do Joey's monster. But the idea to throw Seto's in was so hilarious; I just had to do it!

You know, I've always wanted to know what the original voices in the series were like. I'd love to get my hands on a copy of original Japanese Episodes, but I heard that the subtitles are absolutely terrible. I think it would be rather amusing to hear Yugi at a higher pitch than Tea X3. And don't worry about the blabbering thing. I love it when people blather on in my reviews. I'm kinda crazy like that.

Anywaaaaaays, THANKIE SPANKIES FOR BEING THE FIRST REVIEWER FOR THE LAST CHAPTER! Can't wait to hear from you again!

Bibo-sama

Brr…Fed-Ex Trucks…

YAY! You're back! Oh, and thanks for answering my questions! Now I understand! That explains why every time I go to the comedy section there are about a gazillion Seto/YamiXTea/Serenity/Yugi/Joey/Some random Egyptian chick for romantic comedies. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

And three day weekends are funzy!

Anyway, it seems that a lot of people wanted me to re-post right away due to the dreaded cliffhanger, so here I am! Thank you for enjoying the insanity!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

HI AGAIN! I'm glad to see you're as crazily funny as ever!

I would really like to see the thingits you wrote, but for some reason, the sight wouldn't show up on any of my reviews or emails. GAH! (pounds head on computer)

I like eggs…oh yes, the evil cliffie. THAT SHALL BE RESOLVED! In the first few paragraphs I might add…anyway, I REALLY WISH I COULD SEE YOUR STUFF! So enjoy this next chappo.

Cute lil Yami

WAHAHAHAHAHA! That was one of the funniest review I've ever read!

Thank you so much for enjoying everything that happened in this chappie! The monsters, the weirdness, the map, and the knockout dart effect! One day Seto is going to have terrible, bloody (well, not bloody, more like bruisy) revenge for all that I've done to him, and will do to him. The next chapter after this one…I think I went completely out of line.

Well, don't want to give too much away! ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE!

Dreamer of Dragons

Dat a cool pen name.

Anyway, thank you for the nice review, and for liking this story so much! You're right, it's true that the tooth f-tin man falls in love in not only Wicked, but the original version of The Wizard of Oz as well. Normally I'd listen to the rest of your story, but I'm reading Wicked right now, so I don't want any spoilers!

Though like I said, thank you so much! I hope you're around to enjoy the next chapter!

Dark Princess Saz

This is also a very funny review!

Anyway, thank you for the watermelon and the apricot! I LOVE FRUIT! Boy, it seems like everyone's giving me food.

The fruit gods shall indeed pay! THE HORROR OF THE NEXT CHAPTER AWAITS! Proceed…with caution…

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Yay! How was Spain?

I'm glad you loved the story so much! And you're still so nice to me! HWAY! To be honest, I find cliffhangers annoying too, so I see where you're coming from. I'm a bit of a typo addict myself…and also cant…uh…what was-REMEMBER THINGS! Yay! That was it!

Boy oh boy, you are going to love this chapter! The more you hate the cliffhanger, the more you love the next chapter. So enjoy!

Hypolitian Warrior

And who wouldn't be scared of such a pop star?

MUA HA! Of course I missed you, don't talk crazy!

A lot of people said that this became their favorite chapter, but they may change their minds in chapters in the future, for I have horribly funny things in store…uh, anyway, tonza thanks for being nice!

Serenity-Yugioh-Fan05

Awesome! Found your story, and I still love it!

Glad about the spell check thing, and glad I found the story again! I'll keep up the chapters if you do! Did Seto have any fun in the last chapter? Probably not.

Funky Egyptian

Fear not my young friend! ALL WILL BE REVEALED!

And thanks for reviewing! I was just answering them in this section, and then the little Space Ghost voice sung 'I got a letter', and there you were! GLAD YOU MADE IT, AND THANK YOU SO MUCHIES!

But…but where's Twinsanity and KaiMai? I MISS THEM SO MUCH!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

If I Only Had an Incredibly Evil Plot

The evil person then, very slowly for dramatic effect, pulled back the hood of his cape. Joey and Seto gasped in shock, for it was none other than-

"Who the freaking heck are you?" asked Seto.

"Oh! I see! That's just what I expected to hear from you!" said the angry evil person, dropping the fake accent. "Oh _everyone _knows Seto Kaiba and _everyone _knows Joey Wheeler! But no one knows or cares about me!"

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"I AM TRISTAN TAYLOR!" screamed Tristan at the top of his lungs. "TRISTAN TAYLOR! God, what's wrong with this world? Any heartless jerk or blond street punk who can duel just shows up, and BAM! He has a gazillion fan girls, a trillion fan sites, AND HIS OWN TINS SOLD AT WALMART AND TARGET THAT MIRROR HIS DECK! AND WHAT DO I GET? NOTHING! NOTHING! NOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIIING!"

"My heart bleeds for you," Seto said.

"SHUT UP!" said Tristan, throwing the dodge ball aimed at Seto's face, successfully hitting its target. "I hate all of you! I give it my all! I give cunning! I give wit! I give you a person who accuses Joey of being an idiot when Seto's not around! I risk my very life, AND WHAT DOES THIS WORLD GIVE ME! I mean, where are the Tristan fan sites? Where are the Tristan fan girls? Where's are the Tristan bobble heads?"

"You're mad, aren't you?" Joey asked.

"I SAID SHUT IT!" Tristan said, hitting Joey with the dodge ball again. "This is it! It's time I took control of just who rules the show! You main characters think you're so hot with your mock Goth and grunge clothes, your ghetto talk, your clever insults, your prepared speeches, and your haircuts that defy the laws of physics!"

"Cheh, like you should talk," Seto said.

"SHUT UP!" Tristan said, slamming Seto with the dodge ball. "Well now it's time for me to take back my fallen glory! I could have been something…and you took it away…and now, you're all going to pay."

"YOU LOOK FUNNY!" Joey said, pointing to Tristan's hair point.

BONK!

"Now then, to the torture!" said Tristan, catching the ball that bounced off of Joey's face. "I hope you know, I've been preparing a long time for both of your arrivals."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was too bored by the prepared speeches to notice," Seto said.

BONK!

"Enough of your tongue!" Tristan said, once again catching the ball. "Now, after pouring thorough my DVD collection, to every sick, low, offensive, and colossally deviant piece, I have chosen the one that will present the most pain and suffering to you both!"

"Enlighten me," Seto said.

BONK!

"And now," Tristan said, wheeling a huge television out of nowhere in front of the two. "You both will have the horrific emotional scars of the only DVD that can truly rip the strongest man's soul clear out of his body!"

He flicked on the DVD player with the remote, and after a little static-

"Hello everyone!" said an announcer. "Welcome to Josh Groban in Concert!"

"NOOOOO!" screamed both Joey and Seto at the top of their lungs.

Tristan just laughed maniacally as Joey and Seto forced great torture of the soulful, thoughtful music that only middle-aged women and their daughters listened to her. There was nothing they could do to escape. They couldn't even chew off their own arms to escape the torture.

---ooo---

"Hmm…huh, wha?" ASV said groggily, pushing himself up after laying face down on the ground, trying to pull himself together after everything he endured. "What happened? Where's the…"

Then it all hit him at once.

"OH NO THE BLOW PIPPER!" he screamed to himself, jumping up in the air, floating around in panic. "He hit Seto down, and-oh God-he must have dragged him off! Oh no! Oh no oh no oh no OH NO! What am I going to do?"

After he said that, he sunk down to the ground again on his strap on wings.

"What I'm I going to do?" he asked himself again. "The same thing I always do. Screw up. It's about time I face it. I can't do a single thing right. I failed 196 times in the academy. I don't even have real wings. And now, it's all my fault that my first ever client and his monkey thing are going to be tortured to insanity. I'm pathetic. I'm lower than pathetic. I'm super pathetic. If I was tossed on a huge pile of pathetic things, they'd all throw me out because I was way too pathetic for their taste. I-"

"Okay, that's enough time mopping, it's giving me the creeps," said the most random thing in the world. It was a huge, green lifesaver mint with legs and arms with a light bulb strapped to its head.

"Who are you?" ASV asked, wiping a few small tears away.

"I'm Enlightenment," said Enlightenment, pointing to the lightbulb over his head. "See? I have in light, and I'm a mint!"

"Yes, that's very clever," ASV said. "But nothing you can say can change my mind. I'm a screw up. No questions asked."

"Not true," said Enlightenment. "All we know for sure is that you failed before."

"Thanks," ASV said sarcastically.

"But did that ever stop you before?" said Enlightenment. "You never let giving up get in your way. You always picked yourself up and tried again! You went after a level eight case for crying out loud! Is that really worth _nothing _to you?"

"But I always fell down again," said ASV. "I might as well quit while I'm ahead."

"Don't talk like that!" ASV said. "When J.K. Rowling was a single mother, living on welfare, and having to write in cafes, did she sit around crying? No! She wrote a book that made her a millionaire, famous, and people in Third World Countries know her name! And when Abe Lincoln failed in business, politics, and love, did he just give up? No! He became one of the most famous presidents ever, his face is on a mountain, and he's on the five dollar bill!"

"But…196 years…" ASV said.

"Look kid," said Enlightenment. "You can fly, you have a hammer, and you know where the weirdoes are being held! You've got everything you need, now you just have to go out and kick the snot out of someone. Remember, people aren't born failures kid. They choose to be."

ASV's eyes got all big, with inspiration.

"You're right!" he said, getting up. "Seto and the monkey thing need my help! I'm not going to let there be a 197th year at the academy!"

"That's the spirit!" Enlightenment said.

"I have one question though," said ASV. "If you gave me inspiration and spiritual guidance, doesn't that kind of make you my conscience?"

"Uh…I don't know," Enlightenment said.

"Because it kind of seems weird that a conscience would have a conscience," said ASV. "And if that's true, then who's your conscience? Is there a never ending chain of consciences that are consciences to other-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" screamed Enlightenment. "You're not even a conscience, okay? And don't try to think to hard, it doesn't suit you."

"Okay!" ASV said. "Thanks Enlightenment!"

"Whatever," said Enlightenment, walking off.

"Alright, I've got one last chance, and this is it!" ASV said, picking up his morality hammer. "Now…OF TO SAVE THE WEIRD PEOPLE!"

---ooo---

"Alright, perhaps a little break would be good," said Tristan, pausing the DVD to enjoy a few minutes of Seto and Joey's pain. Both of them were panting from internal pain, and both were thankful that it stopped for a moment.

"Joey…I think I'm dying…" Seto said.

"Tooth Fairy," Joey said in intense pain, "if I die, will anyone remember me?"

"Joey, when it comes to you, people may forgive, but they can never forget," Seto said, still managing to pull out a good insult.

"Now, I am offering you gentlemen an offer that under your current situation I doubt you'd refuse," Tristan said calmly. "I am willing to let you go free if you renounce your main titles as main characters of Yu-Gi-Oh, and also destroy Yugi Motou, so I can completely rule, and create an all new show off of Yu-Gi-Oh…TRIS-TAN-OH!"

"Okay, it's somewhat of a goal of mind to destroy Yugi, however, I'm not too keen on having the show becoming a stupid hole, and I am certainly not keen on giving up!" Seto said. "I refuse!"

"Dur…onions?" Joey asked in confusion.

"Fine!" Tristan spat. "I gave you a chance, but you leave me no choice but to do it the hard way...Josh Groban may kill you, but let's speed up the process…"

Then, reaching into a chest that contained many items of torture, like chains and spikes and such, Tristain pulled out a pair of pink dresses.

"AAAAAAH!" Joey screamed. "PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!"

"You sick man!" Seto screamed. "You want me to be chained _upside down_ to a wall with the person I hate more than Satan and all his little devil things listening to Josh Groban IN A PINK DRESSS?"

"Very effective, isn't it?" said Tristan with a carnal smile.

"JUST KILL US AND GET IT OVER WITH!" Seto half-screamed, half-sobbed.

"IWAHMAHMOMEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Joey.

CRASH, KABOOM BOOM shhhhhhpapapa…

The wall was completely destroyed by several sharp blows from the Morality Hammer, causing an entire section of the wall to cave in, huge clods of rubble falling to the ground with hisses, cackles, and scrapes.

"Uh, I have a door you know," Tristan said.

"I know," ASV said, standing in the blinding light of the outside. "I destroyed that to!"

"Ah, Agent Sweater-Vest," said Tristan, walking around the room like a real evil villain would. "I have heard much of you. I read this fanfiction work you know. You know…we're very much like alike…we have more similarities than you care to admit you know. We're like…two sides of the same coin."

"Uh, no we aren't," said ASV.

"We aren't?" said Tristan. "Oh yeah, I guess we aren't. Don't know where I got that from."

"Ee-yah," said ASV. "Anyway, I want those two back. Can I have them please?"

"Of course you can…ASSUMING THAT YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE TERROR OF MY OWN TORTURE!" cackled Tristan. "Here's the deal. If you can survive the horror of my three most horrible tortures, you can have the idiots. THEY CONSIST OF-"

"Being chained to a wall, watching a Josh Groban DVD, and wearing a dress?" ASV asked.

"How'd yah know?" Tristan asked.

"Oh, just a wild guess…" ASV said.

"Anyway, do you think you can handle such horrible torture?" Tristan asked.

"Well, I suppose I could try, couldn't I?" ASV said, holding out his hand to be shook.

"Best of luck to y-OWWW!" cried to Tristan, shaking his hand, but suddenly wheeling back, clutching it.

"HA!" ASV said, holding one of the blow piper's darts. He held it between his index and middle finger, and when Tristan went to shake it, he got stabbed by it.

"YOU TRICKED ME!" Tristan bellowed with rage, picking up ASV by the front of his sweater vest and yanking him up to eye level. "HOW DARE YOU? FOR THIS, YOU'LL DIE! YOU ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE LITTLE IMP I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED! NOW, YOU D-whoa, suddenly, I feel really dizzy."

Tristan dizzily dropped ASV, walking around in drunken circles, until he slammed face first into a wall.

"OH GOD!" he sobbed, sinking down. "I knew it! I am a worthless character! I have no right to live a happy life! I'm a complete loser, and I'll never have a fan ever ever EVER! And yet…I FEEL SO HAPPY!"

With that, he began to bounce up and down and do happy jumping jacks.

"YEAH! I feel like the happiest man alive!" he cried with joy. "I feel like dancing and hugging small kitties! Lets all ride magical happy ponies! I'll name my Sprinkles-"

He twirled in a circle three times.

"GREEN APPLE!" he screamed, then fainted.

"Does this mean no ponies?" Joey asked.

ASV sighed, and pushed a big red button on the wall labeled 'The Big Red Button on the Wall That Sets the Prisoners Free', and Joey and Seto's cuffs instantly unlocked, causing them to both fall to the floor.

"OW!" Seto yelled, landing on his head.

"YAY!" Joey said, bouncing back up and screaming with joy. "WE'RE FREE! TOOTH FAIRY! WE'RE FREE!"

"Yay," Seto said in a 'I don't care' voice, pulling himself up.

"And even better, look!" ASV said, pointing outside of the huge hole in the wall to a beach with sparkling waves of aquamarine. "It's the other end of the island! Now we can get the free wish!"

"Now _that's_ a good thing," Seto said.

"HOORAY!" screamed Joey, running right into the water, screaming African War Chants in the great, heaping joy he felt swell up inside him. As soon as he got knee deep, he was attacked by the second only freshwater shark know to man.

"Okay…" ASV said, promptly blowing the whistle, which made a sound that sounded like 'Joey's a loser'. Then, with a little pop, the Fantasy Island Woman and Baboo came back.

"Smiles everyone, smiles!" she said, walking onto the beach.

"Oh thank god," Seto said. "Look, we made it to the other end of your stupid island, now we get our wish."

"Okay!" ASV said. "We wish-"

"Oh, you silly peoples!" said Mizz Fantasia. "You avent made it to the other end of the island! You're back where you started!"

"WHAT?" Seto snarled. "We went through all that for nothing?"

"In a word, yez," said Mizz Fantasia.

"Wow! That tickled!" Joey said, walking back on to the shore, covered in bite marks.

"GIVE US THAT STUPID WISH OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF JOEY'S LIFE!" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs, accompanied with an infamous death glare.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" screamed Mizz Fantasia, dropping her accent. "Jeez! Okay, whatever! Just do it quick before I change my mind."

"We wish for a way off this island!" ASV said.

"And for Joey's instant death," Seto said.

"And a snow cone!" Joey said.

"Sorry, you only get one," said Mizz Fantasia, suddenly pulling out a huge magic wand-like thing, slamming it on top of Joey's head.

"Alright!" Seto said, until he got slammed by it too.

---ooo---

"And then what happened?" Serenity asked, as the scene shifted back to the campfire.

"I FOUND HIM!" Spirit screamed with joy.

"Yeah…" Seto said. "And that's pretty much it."

"That was a great story Tooth Fairy!" Joey said happily. "But this 'Joey' person sounds like a complete idjit!"

"Doesn't he though?" Seto said.

"Well, that was…interesting," Ryo said. "Boy, you guys must have had the most exciting adventure ever!"

Suddenly, out whirling from the forest, a huge cutlass spun in the air, digging itself right next to Ryo's left foot. Ryo promptly screamed.

"Alright punks," said a gruff but familiar voice from the woods. "Hands up in the air!"

No one even bothered to think twice.

"Looks like we finally have you."

Then, stalking out of the forest came all the pirates from the ship Ryo accidentally sunk. Each of them was incredibly drenched and tied up with all varieties of sea weed.

"It's Captain Dumpling and the others!" Serenity cried.

"Aye lass," said Captain Dumpling.

"And don't think we haven't forgotten just what you filthy lubbers did to our ship," said John evilly.

"Si," said Maria darkly.

"So now, I'm afraid, no words can describe what we feel in our bruised, tortured, wretched souls-" Richard started.

"Shut up Richard," Nancy said. "Actually, there is one thing…"

Everyone's breath was held, waiting for the horrible fate that was to be given to them by the manic, yet tastefully evil pirates.

"THANK YOU!" they all cried.

The captives all sweat dropped.

"Um, pardon me," Ryo said. "But uh, did you say…thank you?"

"Uh huh!" said Captain Dumpling. "The ship was cursed! When it was destroyed the curse was lifted!"

"_Indeed, it was a terrible curse,_" said Maria. "_It has been with us for years, ever since we bought this ship at a sale in a used ominous pirate ship dealer._"

"I didn't get a word of that," Serenity said.

"I'll translate," Seto said. "She says that Serenity is the most unattractive female specimen of life she has ever met, assuming she is female."

"What?" Serenity asked, in utter confusion.

"_The curse forced us to sail around and around in circles going to random places until everyone gets very dizzy. No matter what we could do, none of us could possibly defy it._" Maria said.

"And that Ryo is the dippiest little twit she had ever seen in her life," said Seto. "She said she has been to China where there are slugs three feet long that look more like a civilized human being than he does."

Ryo started crying.

"_And due to the curse, we couldn't destroy the ship with our hands_," said Maria. "_We needed to invite people on our ship, hoping that one would be stupid and/or clumsy enough to destroy it!_"

"And she's saying things about Joey I don't think I should repeat in a PG rated fanfic," Seto said.

"_And your translator is very sloppy_," said Maria. "_Either he's completely full of himself, or he's just an idiot, and I'm leaning toward the second._"

"Em…she's asking us if we're thirsty," Seto said.

"This is a _very _interesting conversation," Serenity said, not believing a word Seto said.

"Ha-raow?" said the Red Dog, suddenly bouncing into the scene.

"AAAAAH!" screamed everyone, running up into the palm trees, except Serenity.

"What?" Serenity said. "It's just a dog."

"ARGH! Tis not just any dog!" said Captain Dumpling. "Tis a red dog! They're nothing but bad luck!"

"Believe him Serenity!" Seto said, who was also in the tree.

"Don't be stupid…" Serenity said, petting the dog, who licked her hand.

"AAAAAAAH!" everyone screamed.

"SHE'S CURSED!" Joey said.

Suddenly, money rained from a little colorful cloud that hung over Serenity's head.

"Maybe it's just _my_ life that's in the pits…" Seto said.

---ooo---

**THE NEXT DAY**

"Thank you so much again for the ride across the sea Mr. Dragon!" Ryo said sweetly, waving goodbye to the dragon, who was going back into the sea.

"Don't mention it!" the elemental sea dragon called back.

"Again, we're sorry for all the trouble we caused you." Serenity said guiltily to the pirates and Spirit.

"Argh, tis no problem!" said Captain Dumpling. "We have enough bank bonds to make sure that our ship is replaced!"

"And this time, we'll not sure it's not a used one," Nancy said.

"And summer breaks nearly over anyway, so no big deal," said Spirit.

"You've all been so wonderful!" said Serenity.

"Awesome! Fishies!" Joey said, peering into the water as a shark was desperately trying to jump out of the water and snap his head off.

"Joey!" Serenity said, pulling him out of danger.

"Hey! Where's Seto?" Ryo asked, looking around.

"Yeah! Where is that hands-I mean Seto?" said Spirit.

---ooo---

"Okay, I admit that I probably streached the truth…a little when translating," Seto said, hanging upside down by a rope tied around his ankles from some sort of pirate torturing device with his hands tied behind his back, "but don't you think this is going a little overboard?"

"No," Maria said, pulling out a big paddle from a pile of torturing devices.

"Look, I didn't even know you spoke English!" Seto said. "I think your dishonest use of the language barrier is just as bad as mine."

"No," Maria said again. "_Yo_ hablare, tu haras silencio. Comprendes?"

_Shrilanka-San translation_: No, I'll talk, you'll shut up. GOT IT?

"Hey, wait, hang on," Seto said. "No, you really shouldn't-OW! YEEK! OW! HEY-OW! St-OW! That's-OWOWOWOW! STOP IT ALREADY!"

---ooo---

"Your supreme incredibly naughtiness," said a flying, fuzzy bunny as he entered Pegasus's chamber.

"Oh, what is it now General Fluffa-Pie?" said Pegasus, watching Yu-Gi-Oh on his crystal ball, while wearing a green facial mask to clean his pores. "Can't you see I'm busy? And GEEZ! This is like, the lamest show ever invented! I mean really! The art leaves much to be desired, and all they do is play around with cards. BORE-ING!"

"Uh, anyway," said General Fluffa Pie, "recent reports from the FBBI, the Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigations, suggests that the four miscreants have somehow survived through the perils of the Cuz Sea. I suggest immediate action!"

"Oh _please_ General Fluffa-Pie," said Pegasus. "Where they're headed next, we don't even need to bother doing anything. They'll never survive!"

"With all due respects, isn't that what you said last time sir?" the General asked.

"SILENCE!" Pegasus said. "Now, what's on our evil agenda for today?"

"We plan to create a massive flood, washing out several poverty-ridden African countries, spread a new form of mad cow disease across Canada, and call a massive shortages on Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist manga across all Borders Facilities in the continental United States," General Fluffa-Pie replied.

"Excellent!" Pegasus cried. "May all the world tremble in fear of…MAXIMILLION PEGASUS! BWA HA HA HA HA! BWA HA HA HA HA! BWA HA HA HA-"

Suddenly, his cell phone began to ring, and it played to the tune of 'I Feel Like a Woman'.

"What?" Pegasus asked, as General Fluffa-Pie gave him a look.

---ooo---

_TO: CMWGAA HQ_

_FROM: Softnfluffy3782 (Connect to CMWGAA dot com)_

_RE: A-874-564-1248-Sf.D (Agent Sweater Vest)_

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_I am writing in regard to comment on a certain agent that has been drawn to my attention due to his involvement in my own case in light of recent events. I would like to also use this letter as one of recommendation to this certain agent._

_Due to a sudden shortage of consciences for reasons neither confirmed nor denied at this point, I was forced to 'borrow' him to 'baby sit' my own client due to an unfortunate splitting up of myself and client Seto Kaiba (8C-13-76326, file #2762), whom has been written as a level eight case. While I found it somewhat hard to believe that said agent, 'Agent Sweater Vest' or 'ASV' as he's typically referred to by his peers, he somehow did a good job of not only keeping Seto from what sounds like the right thing, but from killing a bystander named 'Joey Wheeler', which my client has a severe distaste toward, to put it in the most general sense._

_As a Level Eleven case worker, having to resort to measures that sometimes stretch my own talents myself getting said client to do the right thing, much less no kill said bystander, this seems like an accomplishment that deserves ribbons of honor and promotion to the board, much less passing the academy. I highly recommend him to continue his work, and hope he does such. We could use a few more people like him who at least keep trying, unlike some agents who say 'be good' and go home for coffee._

_Keeping this in mind, I must insist that you use the philosophy of 'positive reinforcement' on him instead of drastic discipline. Also, I insist that you keep him in. I refer to him myself as a 'late-bloomer' so to speak. As long as he's passionate, I suppose that's all we need._

_And if any of you think of reincarnating him, I will be forced to bring to the attention of the public of our sudden lack of temps, and also bring in further investigation of why such is happening. Also, I will be forced to post a few members of the BOD's high school yearbook pictures on the internet, as well as in a few small newspaper chains._

_Regards,_

_Genevieve S. Fuzzy-Kins_

_A-263-792-1637-Sf.B_

"Well, I'm glad that's over and done," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, sending the letter to the agency on her laptop. "Now it's time for a nice, relaxing game of Bunny Bashers Nine Point Oh."

---ooo---

And yet another great chapter!

In case any of you are wondering, yes, it was fun to write Ms. Fuzzy Kins' letter.

I wish I'd have something really cool to say, but I keep wondering why I keep thinking of so many things that are happening to the four as they continue their journey to Cuz. It's very weird.

My life is so boring.

Now, since you've all been such good kids this year, you all get…A SPECIAL MINI-STORY! It tells of my ongoing love of the Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist manga, and how glad I am to have the first three volumes.

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS!

**MANGA TIME**

**A Short By Shrilanka-San**

_As you all know, the extremely popular Manga 'Yu-Gi-Oh' has made it's recent premiere of the new saga, 'Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist' (HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY). Anyway, in such, we get not only to see the TRUE side of what the Anime should have been, but we also get to see all your favorite characters come back again, with some much more frightening twists…_

Serenity: This is the first time I've ever been in the manga. Unfortunately, I only have, what, four lines?

Joey: Plus, I'm there! I get to act all cool! AND I ROCK AS A DUELIST!

Serenity: People must be really shocked that you have a sister. I mean, that's like Darth Vader actually having one. Or does he?

Joey: AND MAI'S HOT! Did you see her blouse. WOO HOO!

Serenity: Joey…

_Uh, anyway, like I said, this is truly a monumental book. Finally, my ultimate dream has come true! Seto and Ryo are now in the same manga!_

Ryo: YAY! People think I'm twice as cute in the manga as I am in the Anime!

Seto: Yeah, whatever.

Ryo: You're just sad because you're in a coma for all the times you were supposed to be running away from guards and sneaking into underground hideouts that have cool talking computers and stuff!

Seto: Why should I be? You have no good parts, not even your stupid 'spirit' duel. Also, who has a cool helicopter and kicks the butts of the guards who tries to kill him. I'll give you a hint. It's not the boy in the sweater running around in a fake British accent screaming 'Go Yugi, Go Joey, yay'.

Ryo: THAT'S SO HURTFULL!

_However, like all good mangas, you always lose something when an Anime is done. Sometimes, however, you gain something in the Anime too._

Shri: Let's face it. Yugi duels a puppet instead of Seto's dark side. Am I impressed? No. Plus, Yugi's Grandpas stuck in a camera. And Tristan, while he was embraced as Joey's crony in the Anime, pretty much gets shoved aside, as does Ryo. Even Tea loses her charm in the manga series. Though just the way Mai acts, the way she kicks butt, and how awesome all the duels were drawn, how Joey is shown to have a sensitive side, and how weird Pegasus is, I suppose all is forgiven. But still, wouldn't it be cool if Mai started belting out cuss in the Anime? Or if Tea just walked over and kicked Seto in the shins instead of yelling at him? I think so.

_However, the manga, as usual, is top ranks, and as usual, many crazed fan girls line up outside Borders to try to raid it._

Spirit: (running) THIS IS WONDERFUL! Now I can see Seto's beautiful face anytime, anywhere! HOORAY!

Mobster: (Also running) British Person, here I come!

Girl Store Clerk: OH MY GOD! More fan girls! And they look worse than that Shrilanka-San kid!

Boy Store Clerk: (Pushing big red button that says 'Emergency') Well, lets see them get through this!

Spirit: Hey! They blocked of the entranceway to the store with a metal wall! And they did it to the windows too! ARGH! Meanie Border's People! We'll never get in!

Mobster: (With Shoulder Laser Cannon) Never say never.

FOUR SECONDS LATER…

(GSC and BSC are tied up, and Mobster is still threatening them with laser cannon)

GSC: (Tied up) WE GIVE! WE GIVE!

Spirit: Tell us where the Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist is!

BSC: We don't know! For some strange reason, they had massive shortages of the manga for some strange reason! We don't know what!

Mobster and Spirit: TO THE WAREHOUSES!

(Both run off)

BSC: Jeez, they could have at least untied us.

_Well, despite everything, it's all well that ends well in the manga world…I hope…_

News Report: The sudden shortage of a certain graphic novel known as 'Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist' has caused massive outrages of many young women in this country. Just today, a huge fire upon several Borders' warehouses was caused by two young women who's names have not been released. Upon being handcuffed by the police, one was reported as saying 'Oh, bite us you butt heads'.

Shri: Whoa. This is almost as bad as the Inuyasha shortage last year…

---ooo---

I DON'T OWN BORDERS! OR JOSH GROBAN IN CONCERT! OR 'I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN'! OR INUYASHA!

ANYWAY! The next chapter!

---ooo---

So where are we going to sleep tonight?" Serenity asked, walking with her three misguided travel companions on the Yellow Brick Road that lead through the sea city.

"I gots an idea!" Joey said.

"I wondered if it would ever happen to him," Seto said.

"WE CAN SLEEP IN THE ROAD!" Joey said, suddenly falling down in the road and falling asleep, contently sucking his thumb in a fetal position.

"Uh…huh…" Serenity said.

"Serenity! We can't just sleep on the road!" Ryo said with concern. "This is a sea city! There are robbers, and drunks, and vagrants, and rough pirates, and…oh horrors…GIRL SCOUTS!"

"Not to mention you look completely stupid when you do," Seto said, watching Joey twitch and suck his thumb.

"Well, this is a city, right?" Serenity said. "That means there has got to be inns or something around here for one night travelers to stay in."

"HOORAY!" Ryo cried with joy. "We don't need to sleep in the road!"

"Can we leave Joey?" Seto asked hopefully.

"Seto…" Serenity said.

---ooo---

And remember, STAY IN SCHOOL!


	20. If I Only Had the Origen of Butt Man and...

Remember, it's all fun and games until someone says 'hey, wanna play something else?'

Don't even try to find the meaning in that statement. I don't even know what it means.

The following saga is an extreme dramatizing of a true story that happened to us one fine day about a week ago, staring Mom, Dad, our cat, our dog, and an unknown mouse named Mousykins.

Actually, I planed this chapter for a while know. The fact that an actual incident relating to it happened amuses me. See the end of the chapter for all the details.

IT'S REVIEW TIME!

Funky Egyptian

Indeed! Half the fun of manga is staring at good looking boys (So claims my friend Aii-chan).

Hooray for wonderful randomness! And let me tell you, the next chapter is going to be so random, that it is completely off the wall scary, even for me, and I am the writer! Anyway, glad you came back, and thanks for being the first to review this time around!

Cute lil Yami

Well, I figured it would be nice to throw Tristan in somewhere :-). And I'm glad you like all the characters I think up. No matter how weird they are.

SUGAR! Yay! Thank you! I love food! Oh yeah, and thanks for reminding me, I think the Spanish thing was supposed to be _tendras_ silencio, not haras silencio. Or maybe I'm wrong. I'll be honest, I'm still learning the Spanish language. SOY LOCO (glomps herself). Thank you for the help offer! I may need it somewhere in the future.

The review didn't cut itself in half! Yay! And Ryo's back! Yay! I hope you like this chapter too!

Dark Princess Saz

There's nothing funnier than angry minor characters and people who abuse and exploit the language barrier.

Boy, I don't know what an open day is, but it sure sounds boring! Almost as boring as REVIEW WEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Sorry…freaking out…the end of school draws near, and these things happen. Plus I miss Yami…

Well, I hope I made your day less boring. This will certainly liven it up.

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Hiya! How is One Piece anyway? It kinda looked good, and I thought about buying it…assuming I'll stop buying all those Fruits Basket novels

Of all my evil villains, Tristan is the scariest. I can't help it. He just is.

Thank you for another totally nice review! I do believe you will enjoy this chapter to…mer her her…

Gothangelmyu

Yee! You're so nice!

Ah yes, the weird accent thing. I only made Tristan fake an accent because I think that all shadowy evil villains come with a freaky accent, and also to make it more hilarious when you found out it was actually him. Clever no?

FEAR NOT MY FRIEND! For if you go online, no matter where you go, someone, somewhere will be selling manga. Whether it's stolen or not is up in the air. I wish I be more of a help.

SEE YOU! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

I _knew_ one existed!

I sort of feel out for any character who's shoved away because they are not a good duelist. It makes me sad…so Tristan was so much fun to do in this chapter!

Hope you like this chapter just as well!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

Wow, a new story? Awesome! I can't wait!

Seeya as well! Keep at it!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

DANGIT! AOL parental protection won't let me on live journal. ARGH! (Glomps Computer)

Yay! Thanks for taking the time to give me randomness! I LOVE RANDOMNESS! And I got my very own dubber box. Merr…imagine all the terrible things I can do now (evil laughs).

Chimp boy and I both thank you. And I hope you like the scaryness, randomness, and out of characterness of this chappie as well!

ShadowFire2

Yay! I can't help it. For some reason, I always torture my favorite characters!

Serenity, Joey, Ryo, and Seto form the ultimate group of my favorite characters, and I am probably going to do a lot more stories staring them. I've got lots of ideas…oh! And I saw some of your stories, and they looked really good, so I think I'll check them out when I'm done! So thanks and come back soon!

Hypolitian Warrior

I'm glad to see your in such a good mood! One always feels like that when evil homework is done!

Boy, everyone's got something to say about Tristan this chapter!

Thank you for the review, plushie, candy, and manga. ENJOY THIS CHAPTER OR ELSE…I kid!

Inuyoukai-san

Well, I'm kind of unfamiliar with the sight too, but I think all you need to do is when I update again, when you review me, put a check next to the 'favorites' option, and I'll be added to your favorites. What does 'Story Alert' do anyway!

Aw…don't feel guilty! This is a crazy chapter, it's not supposed to make people feel guilty! Hope my info works for you, and I hope you stop by again.

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

If I Only Had the Origin of Butt Man and Ghost Boy

There are many joys that come with traveling on the open road. The thrill of a new adventure, the beauty of untamed and unseen lands, the riches of experience, and all the rich treasures and riveting stories one brings home. However, there are many downsides to traveling on the open road. One was the one our heroes just discovered.

"So where are we going to sleep tonight?" Serenity asked, walking with her three misguided travel companions on the Yellow Brick Road that lead through the sea city.

"I gots an idea!" Joey said.

"I wondered if it would ever happen to him," Seto said.

"WE CAN SLEEP IN THE ROAD!" Joey said, suddenly falling down in the road and falling asleep, contently sucking his thumb in a fetal position.

"Uh…huh…" Serenity said.

"Serenity! We can't just sleep on the road!" Ryo said with concern. "This is a sea city! There are robbers, and drunks, and vagrants, and rough pirates, and…oh horrors…GIRL SCOUTS!"

"Not to mention you look completely stupid when you do," Seto said, watching Joey twitch and suck his thumb.

"Well, this is a city, right?" Serenity said. "That means there has got to be inns or something around here for one night travelers to stay in."

"HOORAY!" Ryo cried with joy. "We don't need to sleep in the road!"

"Can we leave Joey?" Seto asked hopefully.

"Seto…" Serenity said.

---ooo---

"Well, I suppose this is as good a place as any," Serenity said, as she and the others stood outside of a small but clean looking in with a small cobbled path leading up to the door, and a gravel driveway for cars, that had a small sign swinging from a rusty holder that said 'The Periwinkle Inn'.

"'The Periwinkle Inn'?" Seto asked. "Yech, I think I'm going to vomit."

"Oh come on!" Ryo said, walking up the road with the others. "It's so cute!"

"Duh…dirt!" Joey said, pointing to the ground.

"Many people think Joey's cute, and I don't even want to stand within a mile radius of him," Seto said with scorn.

Serenity opened the door, painted a creamy white with soft blue trim, and as she did, she found she would walk into a room that consisted entirely of very cool pastel colors, adding to the very charming quality of the inn. The ceiling was creamy white, the carpet was pastel green, and the walls consisted of a wallpaper that consisted of, you guessed it, periwinkles on a creamy white background with pastel green leaves tingled here and there through it. Even the receptionist was wearing an uniform consisting of a white shirt, a blue and white checked apron, a pastel thigh-length purple skirt, and a slightly darker blue ribbon tied in a bow tie under the shirt color. She also had a blue hair ribbon tied up in her odd colored hair in a shade of gray-brown.

"Hello," she said. "My name is Kami. May I help you?"

"OHMYGOSH!" Serenity cried. "That outfit is so cute!"

"Adorable!" Ryo cried. "Everything matches!"

"Kill me, just kill me," Seto said, slapping his forehead.

"Why thank you!" she said politely.

"May we please just have two rooms for the night?" Serenity asked. "We'll be on our way tomorrow. We-"

"Hooooo no!" Seto said dangerously. "I am not, and I repeat, NOT going to spend another night sharing a room with the idiot two!"

"If you don't like it, you can sleep on the roof," Serenity said.

"Yeah, that'll probably cost me extra," Seto said.

"Actually, the roof is free," said Kami sweetly. "For five dollars, we'll even give you a pillow and blanket."

"Oddly, that's tempting…" Seto said.

"Okay, two rooms, and a roof please," Serenity said. "Just for one night though."

"That will only cost you thirty-five dollars," said Kami politly.

"Seto…" Ryo and Serenity said, both trying to look cute.

"Oh no," Seto said. "Go find someone else to mooch off!"

"I…I think there's something you should know…" Kami said.

"Okay, how much money do you have," Serenity said, digging into her pockets.

"I have thirty seven…no wait, forty cents," Ryo said.

"I only have three dollars," Serenity said sadly.

"I really think there's something you should know…" Kami said.

"Ha!" Joey said, dumping out the contents of his pocket. "Lucky for you, I have received great wealth from the riches of spoils of traveling!"

"Uh, Joey," said Serenity, picking up the random objects on the floor, "this is a bi-colored rock, a pinecone, two paper clips, and a leave in the shape of Ryo's head."

"Wow, it is!" Ryo said in shock.

"Really, this is important!" Kami said.

"Excuse me," Serenity said, grabbing Seto by the sleeve and dragging him into the hallway, out of the other's sight. There was silence for a moment, then Seto's horrified scream, followed by him running into the room away from Serenity as fast as he could.

"TAKEITTAKEITTAKEITTAKEIT!" he screamed, holding out his opened up wallet.

"Oh my gosh!" Ryo cried, pulling out the money. "He has twenty-thousand dollars worth of unmarked bills here! And…are these Pokemon cards?"

"HI SERENITY!" Joey screamed as Serenity walked back into the room.

"Serenity!" Ryo cried. "What did you do to him?"

"I said verse ninety-seven of the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly," Serenity said.

"There are ninety-seven verses?" Ryo asked.

"Actually, about two thousand and forty eight," said Serenity. "Not counting all seventy verses of refrains and codas…"

"M-make it stop…" Seto said, cowering in a corner, clutching his knees.

"Can I please talk now?" cried Kami, trying to sound firm and polite at the same time.

"Oh…sorry…" Serenity said. "What's up?"

"I'm afraid you may be spending more time in this town than you think," said Kami. "You see, you say you plan to leave tomorrow…but you can't…"

"Pardon?" Ryo asked, confused.

"Well…it's a very long story to be honest…" Kami said sadly, looking at her watch. "My shift's almost over. Would you like some dinner? My treat."

"You'll regret those words…" Serenity said, as Joey began to chew on the postcard rack.

---ooo---

**A HALF HOUR LATTER! WoOoOoO!**

"Thank you so much for dinner Kami!" said Ryo sweetly, putting down the glass of milk he just drank.

"Yes, thank you," said Serenity, patting her lips with her napkin.

"Yeah, okay," Seto said, after barely eating anything.

Joey expressed his gratitude by tearing into plate after plate of food ranging from spaghetti to pizza, TN casserole to Mac and Cheese, and at least nine kinds of desert, mostly consisting of food resembling pie, ice cream, and caramel.

"Now about that 'we may be stuck here longer than we thought comment'," Seto said, not very good at small talk as you might have guessed.

"Well, as you might have guessed, there was a time when you could have come and left the town as you pleased," she said politely, not eating much either to make sure she could fit in her uniform. "It was actually not that long ago. We were led by a wise leader, called the Head, who was just and fair. However, we only had one minor problem…the mice-"

Suddenly, Seto's fork shot ten feet into the air and buried itself in the ceiling, spidery cracks scrawling forth from place of impact.

Everyone turned to Seto.

"What?" he asked, sweat dropping.

"Uh…okay," said Kami. "Anyway, these horrible creatures always infested our town. Some scientists were experimenting in ways to create a certain kind of chemical to be sprayed at the mice that would cause them to transform from disease carrying rodents to harmless birds. However, due to a failure in the experiment, the mice did not transform into harmless birds. They turned to a gargantuan size, and their fur turned mottled green, and then they developed complex system of thought. Even worse, soon, they completely took over the town."

Seto was shuddering and shrinking in his chair.

"They threw out the head, they declaired themselves rulers, and they rule our town in a wicked dictatorship," said Kami. "They've set up laws that force whoever comes into this town to not be allowed to leave. You will be forced to work in the economy system, no matter who you are or how old you are. Your jobs are chosen for you. Small bands of rebels have tried to overthrow them, but all have failed…"

"SO THOSE DIRTY VERMIN STILL INFEST THIS TOWN?" Seto screamed in a combination of rage and fear. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, which is a reasonable conclusion to make when Seto's eyes start twitching uncontrollably.

"Uh…yes…" Kami said.

"They could be here as we speak!" Seto screamed in fear. "AAAAAAAAHHH!"

With that, he ran out of the restaurant part of the inn as fast as he could.

"I'm going to go out on a crazy thought, but I think Seto's afraid of mice," Serenity said. "Perfect, trapped in a town where the most insane-"

Joey started singing 'Somewhere Only We Know'.

"-second most insane member of this group's worst fear as a supreme evil dictator…great, just great…"

"It's okay Serenity!" Ryo said, ever the cheerful optimist. "We'll find a way out of this! We always do!"

"Dear, innocent Ryo," Serenity sighed. "Oh well. Joey, no matter what sick and twisted thoughts run through your head, don't you _dare _go out into the darkened streets tonight. GOT IT?"

What Joey Hears: Blah Blah. Joey, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah run blah through blah blab blah, blah blab _blah_ blah blah blah blah darkened streets tonight. BLAH BLAH?

"Okay Serenity!" Joey said, saluting.

"Good, I'm glad we're all clear," Serenity said. "Well, we won't be able to solve anything without some good quality bed rest. Come on Joey, Ryo. Oh, and Ryo? Go make sure Seto isn't doing anything stupid."

"Okay!" Ryo said, turning off to find Seto as Serenity went to bed, and Joey went off to run through the darkened streets at night.

---ooo---

"Wow…" Joey said, walking through the streets with very few street lights, causing Joey to walk in and out of areas of adequately lit terrain. "Darkened streets sure are dark! Maybe I should go home…"

Joey suddenly stopped.

"I'M HUNGRY!" screamed Joey, running through the street as fast as his legs could carry him. As usual, his life was ruled by senselessness and randomness, so it makes sense that the first random sign he saw he tried to read…and of course, he can't read.

"Uh…hmm…" he said, trying to decipher the odd writing on the sign outside of what looked like an abandoned laboratory. It read thus: Warning, Biohazard, Do Not Pass.

"THAT MUST BE THE GROCERY STORE!" Joey screamed running straight through the iron chain-link fence, and skipping happily through the field of empty toxic waste barrels littering the ground. However, soon a disastrous event would take place in this very field that would alter the course of Joey's life forever.

There was a barrel that sparkled in the dim light of the streets, and almost glowed in it. It was half full (or half empty if you're a pessimist) with a disgusting green liquid that to any normal human mind would look incredibly radioactive. Of course, Joey doesn't possess a normal human mind.

"KOOL-AIDE!" he screamed, diving his head into the radioactive goop, slurping it all down in one slurp.

Suddenly, Joey felt all woosey, spinning around dizzily as the effects of the drink began to sink in. Unable to hold himself in an upright position any longer, he fell on the ground on rubber legs, and felt his body writhing and transforming, his limbs reshaping, he felt himself reshape himself before his very eyes.

When everything finally stopped to find out…he had huge bulging muscles.

Naturally, it took him three second for him to process this thought.

"STILL HUNGARY!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Aw man, what am I going to eat?"

Then, he looked into the street to find a small moldy hot dog that was under a huge tractor trailer parked near the road.

"FOOD!" he said, one handedly throwing the entire tractor trailer over his head like it was nothing. As the tractor trailer landed with a huge crash of shattering glass and metal about forty feet away, Joey sat happily munching his moldy hot dog.

"Wait a minute…" Joey said. "Something's not right…THERE'S NO KETCHUP ON THIS HOT DOG?"

Since I am getting bored of how clueless Joey is, a huge gust of wind blew out of nowhere, causing an old comic book to blow into right onto Joey's face.

"AAAAH!" Joey screamed. "I'VE GONE BLIND! BLIND! BLIN…da…"

The comic book slipped down, showing a particular page of an overly muscular guy wearing a cape, a leotard, colored undies, and a pair of booties.

"Wait a minute…" Joey said, trying to think again, "this guy has huge muscles…and I have huge muscles…so that means that I can be…a…USED CAR SALESMAN!"

Super hero, dummy.

"Oh, yeah, A SUPER HERO!" Joey said. "This is perfect! I can be a super hero, I can stop the meanie mice people, and then we can go see the Wizard of Cuz! Awesome! Serenity will be so happy! Hey, wait…"

The wind blew again, turning the page, to show the super hero person turning back to a mild-mannered alter ego, wearing a business suit.

"Of course!" Joey said. "I have to disguise myself so no one knows I'm a super hero! Because…I don't know, BUT STILL!"

So Joey tried to think of a super cool name to call himself. He tried to think of a ton of cool names, like Blasto Boy, Superly Awesome Man, Super Man Man…

"I'VE GOT IT!" Joey said. "I shall be…BUTT MAN!"

Uh…so anyway, Joey, using his newly discovered power of flight, flew to the nearest WalMart Super Center and purchased himself a towel which he turned into a cape, a pair of baby booties, which tore when he put his feet in them, showing his socks, and he just wore a pair of underwear outside his jeans. Oh yeah, he also purchased a mask around his eyes.

"Ladies dig the black mask," Joey said, walking home from WalMart Super Center, flipping through the comic book. "It looks like I have everything I need…hold the phone…"

He turned to another page in the comic book, showing the super hero person with a boy sidekick, both kicking bad guys butts.

"Of course!" Joey said. "I need a young boy ward to be my sidekick, and help me kick some evil butt! But who can I find to be my sidekick? Who? I need someone who's fearless…I need someone who's tough…I need someone who screams at the top of his lungs on a roof, and is not afraid to throw large, heavy objects at pedestrians without a shirt on!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY?" screamed Seto's voice from the top of the roof. "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY!"

"Oh my God!" screamed a couple of random pedestrians, running away as various large appliances were being hurled at them off the roof.

"Seto, for the last time, those weren't mice people!" Ryo cried up to the rooftop. "Please stop screaming on the roof and throwing large, heavy objects at random pedestrians! AND FOR MERCY SAKES, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

"OF COURSE!" Joey said, arriving at the scene. "Hey Ryo, wanna be my sidekick?"

"Okay!" Ryo said cheerfully, as a semi-badly aimed bathtub just missed both of them from the roof.

Thankfully, there were plenty of towels at the inn to make a super hero cape for Ryo, and Joey had bought a spare mask. However, despite tradition, Ryo refused to put on a pair of underwear outside of his pants. That just seemed undignified.

"Now we gotta name you," Joey AKA Butt Man said. "How about…BUTT MAN JUNIOR!"

"Who's Butt Man Senior?" Ryo asked.

"I am!" Joey said.

"Uh…why did you call yourself 'Butt Man'?" Ryo asked.

"Cause I gots a butt," Joey said.

"…yeah…" Ryo replied.

"Oh, I got it!" said Joey. "You gots white skin…and white hair…you're kinda skiney…you look just like a ghost…WE'LL CALL YOU SHEET BOY!"

"Can't I just be called Ryo?" Ryo asked.

"Nope," Joey said.

"Well, why not?" Ryo asked.

"Cuz," Joey said.

"Okay…" Ryo said. "Well, as much as I find the term 'sheet man' very creative, it's not really fear instilling. I mean, it doesn't really seem…heroic. How about GHOST BOY!"

"Naw, that's stupid!" Joey said. "Let's call you Ghost Boy!"

"OKAY!" Ryo said cheerfully.

So began the awesome adventures of Butt Man and Ghost Boy! Together they shall fight for truth, justice, and to end the terrible reign of the wicked mice people and their supreme dictatorship over the lands of the good people of the sea city. Unfortunately, another one favorite psychos plans to rid the town of the mousy menaces, but his methods are much more…well, see for yourself.

---ooo---

"My gosh," Serenity said, rubbing her eyes as she walked along the hallways of the Periwinkle Inn. "It's midnight, and Ryo and Joey just went to bed. I really don't feel comfortable with Joey running around unsupervised…darn, I just sounded like his Mom. But still, he could get in trouble…like any other time…"

Serenity sighed.

_And why am I talking to myself?_ she asked herself. _I mean really. I guess I just get worried about these people sometimes. I mean just look at all the trouble they've gotten themselves into already-hold the phone._

She stopped in her tracks to see something lying on the floor. It was a shirt. Seto's shirt.

"Uh oh," she said, picking it up. "This is a bad thing on so many lev-AAAAAAAHHH!"

Serenity accidentally sprung some sort of trap, and she was pulled up to the ceiling in a huge net in confusion trying to fight her way out, but it was sealed tight, so there was nothing that she could do.

"HA!" Seto screamed, pulling out a very dangerous plastic knife. "I knew I'd catch a dirty, stinkin' mouse person with the trap!"

"Seto you moron!" Serenity screamed. "Do I look like a mouse person to you!"

Seto stared at her for a minute.

"SETO!" she yelled.

"I can't believe you…" he said. "You've gone to the other side!"

"And you've gone over the deep end!" said Serenity. "I DON'T WORK FOR THE MICE PEOPLE, I DON'T KNOW ANY MICE PEOPLE, AND IF YOU LET ME DOWN THIS SECOND THEY _MAY _FIND YOU'RE REMAINS!"

"A likely story!" Seto said, raising up the knife. "PREPARE TO-"

"Goodness, I didn't realize we'd have people up so late!" Kami said, carrying a tray through the hallway. "I would have made more midnight snacks! Would any of you like a finger sandwich?"

"No thank you Kami," both said politely, Serenity still trapped in the net, and Seto still threatening her with the plastic knife.

"Well, I won't keep you then," said Kami. "Good night Serenity, good night Seto."

"Night Kami!" Serenity said.

"G'night," Seto said over his shoulder. "Now, where was I? Um…something…okay, you were threatening me, and, oh yes! I was about to threaten you. PREPARE TO SUFFER A HORRIFIC DEATH!"

"You do realize that you're threatening me with a plastic butter knife, correct?" Serenity said.

"SHADDAP!" Seto said. "You'd be surprised on what I can turn into a dangerous weapon!"

"What's wrong with you?" Serenity said. "Why are you so scared of mice?"

"Well…you see Serenity…when I was four…I was brutally mauled by a field mouse!" Seto yelled.

Silence.

"You really have some issues, don't you Seto?" she asked.

"Is that the point? NO!" Seto said. "What is the point is that you're either working for the mice people, or you're disguised as Serenity! Either way, you're going to suffer the horror which can only be described as…A PLASTIC BUTTER KNIFE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Serenity managed to get one foot loose out of the net, slamming her platformed heel right into his face, making him drop the butter knife.

"Mkay" his muffled voice said. "Yrr Srinity."

"Thank you," Serenity said, after a little finger work, managed to undo a knot in the net causing the whole thing to collapse, and causing her to fall to the floor with a thud.

"I feel I can willingly accept that you are Serenity," Seto said. "However, to make absolutely sure nothing is amiss, I'm going to have to frisk you."

A little anger mark appeared on Serenity's forehead.

"Very clever Seto," Serenity said, grabbing his throat. "Let me respond to said comment in the following way…"

---ooo---

"Oh, I can't sleep at all!" Ryo said, wandering off from his room to get a drink of water. "I can't believe it! Tomorrow, I'll be out fighting crime, and finally showing the world that I, Ryo Bakura, can kick some toucas as Ghost-oh, hi Seto!"

"Mff…mice people…" Seto muttered, heading back to the roof.

"My goodness! That's the most horrible black eye I've ever seen!"

"Shut up."

"And your arms twisted at a very odd angle."

"Shut up!"

"Is that a limp?"

"SHUT UP!"

---ooo---

The following is based on a true story of an even that took place in this household only about two weeks ago. No injuries were recorded, and even though this authoress herself didn't witness it, she has gathered enough information to understand the basic story, and filling the rest with artistic license.

Anyway, I know present, the Shrilanka-San family affair…

---ooo---

Cat: Mrow purr rurr (_bats at cabinet_).

Mom: Kitty fluff, for the last time, stay of that counter! (_pulls cat off_)

Cat: Rohw (_hops up on counter and bats at cabinet again_)

Mom: There-is-nothing-there!

(_mouse falls out of space between the cabinet and the wall about a minute latter_)

Mouse: Squeek! (_runs along counter_)

Mom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Dad: (_running in_) Whatisit? Whatisit? Whatisist?

Mom: (_screaming and crying at the same time_) MOUSE! WHERE'S THE CAT?

Dad: Upstairs I think.

Mom: WELLGETHEREDOWNHEREFAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!

Dad: (_picking up a lock_) Hang on, I'll get it! (_tries to swat the mouse, who is currently running all over the place out of his reach_)

Mouse: Squeek! (_runs up the stairs_)

Mom: IT'SGETTINGAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

(_mouse gets thrown down the stairs by Cat, who then tries to pounce on it_)

LATTER…

Mom: Oh, I hate when they keep it alive just so they can play with it!

(_Mouse and Cat are playing cards_)

Mouse: Squeek! (Do you have any fives?)

Cat: Murow. (Go Fish).

Mouse: Squeek! (runs behind refrigerator)

(_Cat and Dog wait around the refrigerator for something to happen_)

Dad: We should go to bed.

Mom: I…I won't sleep tonight…

Four AM in Mom and Dad's room…

Mom: (_Thinking) _This is so bad. This is very, very bad. What if the cat catches the mouse, and she comes up here and…throws it on the bed? Oh no. Oh no oh no OHNO! Please don't come up here Cat. Please don't. Please don't-

Cat: _(From _floor) Murr rurr row.

Mom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Morning…

Me: Good morning Mom!

Mom: Sh-Shri, could you go downstairs to see if the mouse is down there?

Me: Huh?

Mom: It's a long story. Could you just check please?

Me: Your paranoid fear of mice scares me at times. (_looks downstairs_) Huh, what do you know? There's a dead mouse down here covered in cat spit.

Mom: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

Dad: (_sighing_) My life in a nutshell.

Latter, by the bathroom window upstairs…

Me: You scare me Mom.

Mom: (_seeing Dad walk from the backyard from disposing of the mouse, opening the window_) MY HERO!

Shri: You watch BBC World News, you watch 'House', and you're scared of mice. Sad Mom. Sad.

---ooo---

As you could have guessed, our cat and Dad were hailed as heroes for the next couple of days, not to mention Grandma laughed at mom, saying that when she (grandma) was a kid, she carried mice around in her pocket as pets.

Oh well! Thought it was kind of an amusing story. Now, what up next time in The Wizard of Cuz!

---ooo---

"THE BUTT CAVE! Equiped the Butt Plasma TV!" said Joey dramatically, pointing to a round table with a huge 'BM' in the middle and a tiny 'GB' not far bellow it, right next to a huge, movie theater like television screen.

"Oh Boy! I bet 'Sesame Street' is on!" said Joey, turning on the TV.

"But, isn't this supposed to be where we get our mission briefing?" Ryo asked.

Suddenly, the plasma screen of the TV burst into static, and then a elderly gentleman in a admiral-y kind of uniform appeared on it, smoking a pipe.

"Butt Man," said the Chief. "We need your help immediately!"

"If you didn't need our help, you wouldn't have called!" Ryo said cheerfully.

"Who are you?" the Chief asked.

"MY YOUNG WARD!" Joey said. "Now, what is it Chief?"

---ooo---

May you have a mouse free evening. Good night until next Friday!


	21. If I Only Had the Silver Spork of Polite...

Now available: The Wizard of Cuz lite! All the mindless insanity, only a quarter of the fat and carbs!

Hi everyone! Ready for…INSANITY? First, the lovely reviewers!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE CLIP WAS SO FUNNY! Scary, BUT FUNNY!

Fun fun fun…anyway, thank you for going out of your way once again to make my reviewing experience nutsilly hilarious. I like mice too, incidentally. I think their adorable, and so does my mom's mom. However, my mom is absolutely terrified of them, so I said 'one day, a chapter of my story shall be dedicated to your irrational fear of mice'.

Remember the forshadowy moment in chapter one?

I like kitties too…

THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

Funky Egyptian

You won! You win…uh…A NEW CHAPTER! YEAH!

Sorry, my allowance doesn't cover cars…

I don't know where the shirtless idea came from. I was just typing, and the idea came. Seto without a shirt…I'm getting both thrilling and terrifying mental pictures.

YAY! Serenity the butt kicker! She continues to make me smile. I wanted to do a skit where Joey and Ryo were both super heroes from the start, and the mice people thing gave me a good opportunity to go completely nuts with them. And you know how much fun I have making fun of clichés.

May this chapter make you just as hyper as before.

Dark Princess Saz

I get high on lemonade too. And Kitkats when I'm bored.

If Seto's wallet is scary, just imagine how scary the other's wallets are. I bet Ryo has a bunch of recipes that you clip off of soup labels and the back of instant made meal boxes, 'Titanic' ticket stubs, plushie key chains, a lot of pennies, and a bunch of loose change next to his 'Neopets' trading cards. Joey…brr, I don't want to think about it.

Okay, I'm ranting about wallets. Sad, very sad.

BUTT MAN AND GHOST BOY ROCK!

Wait, you know about the space chickens? (Shifty eyes) I knew they existed. Everyone told me I was crazy…

Gothangelmyu

Hel-lo! How is you?

Seto afraid of mice…very scary indeed, but what can I say? As for the mice people, you'll see them, don't worry. More off them than you want to see, is my guess.

My mom would probably be okay with rats as long as they weren't running around on the floor. Then things would get downright scary for her.

Here's the update you wanted! Hope you enjoy it!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

I figured it was about time that Joey and Ryo would be partnered up. They're a really odd pair, but their so funny, I just had to keep it going. And Seto goes insane over a lot of things, (Yugi, his stepdad, rare cards, parakeets, etc.) so it doesn't surprise me.

Your rabbit used to eat birds? That's cool and weird…I'd like to see it.

Pardon me for sounding stupid (again) but what are skoobies? I'm guessing their a type of bead thing. I played a lot with beads when I was younger.

Anyway BEHOLD! May your reading pleasure be filled with…INSANITY! Bye! (Gives a cookie)

ShadowFire2

OVER FOUR HUNDRED REVIEWS? Wow, that's totally awesome!

I'd like to see that fanfic. It sounds funny! And YuGiOh! And the Holly Grail is so funny! I thought the movie was hilarious, but yours is just as good! Thank you tonzy for reviewing a second time!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

Hey, no problem. When people do that for the stories I review, it makes me feel happy as well. So I figure I'd do that so people would also be happy, which makes me happy in return. IT _IS _A VICIOUS CYCLE OF HAPPINESS!

I can understand fears. Mine doesn't make any sense at all. I have a fear of graveyards.

I don't know what it is. I just get out of a car, and just stepping out a car, I get all these thoughts that six feet below me are a bunch of dead people. Then, everything gets really spiny, I lean up against the car, and while my family goes out to pay respects, I just hop in the car and hope we go home soon.

Sorry, I'm ranting. THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING SO MUCH! I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the last one! It's twice as crazy, weird, and not normal!

Cute lil Yami

GOOUNEYLARIOUS! I love it!

Cosmo, actually, does provide a little inspiration for Joey. Also, his randomness also puts me in a good mood to write chapters, so yeah, COSMO DESERVES CREDIT!

I'm not exactly a die-hard fan, but I do like The Fairly Oddparents.

THANK YOU FOR THE COOKIES AN THE COOL NEW WORD! I love Ryo-Baked cookies! You're so nice!

Where's Twinsanity, Lefthandedfreak, and KaiMai? WAAAAAAAAAAH!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

If I Only Had the Silver Spork of Polite Intervention

"SEH-TOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The mighty cry of anger echoed through the hallways of the Periwinkle Inn as Serenity stomped down to the ground level of the building, in a pastel pink bathrobe provided for the guests. Her soaked platforms left puddles of water behind her as she stamped down, nearly shattering the framework of the building. Seto guiltily looked up from the water tank that he was cutting off with a huge wrench.

"May I ask you why the shower upstairs suddenly _STOPPED_?" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Well how do you know it was me?" Seto said, trying to hide the wrench behind his back.

"Other than you've been trying to destroy everything else in this Inn every free minute of you time, and you're trying to hide a wrench behind your back?" Serenity said.

_Darn, can't believe she caught that_, Seto thought. "Okay, look, I'm cutting off supplies."

"Why?" Serenity asked dangerously.

"Well, if the Mice People think this place is a dump without any good resourses, they'll leave!" Seto snapped.

Serenity just glared at him.

"Seto, have you ever had your legs ripped clean out of the sockets and been beaten to a state of vegetation with them?" she asked.

"Have you ever had your arms torn clean out of your shoulder blades by a wrench, then have them jammed down your windpipe?" Seto asked.

---ooo---

**FOUR SECONDS LATTER**

"Well, I'm glad that's over," Serenity said, closing the basement door behind her. "Gad. You get up early so this stuff won't happen, and-Oh, hi guys!"

Ryo and Joey were both wearing business suits and huge glasses.

"Uh…did you two get caught by some sort of makeover team?" Serenity asked.

"IDONOTHAVESUPERPOWERS!" Joey screamed.

"Ee-yah," Serenity said. "Joey, you didn't stick your tongue in a power outlet again, did you? And why are you so buff?"

"Uh, we just thought that…" Ryo said, trying to think up a good excuse. "Well, we thought it…was someone's funeral, so we got all dressed up, and…Joey worked out…a lot…and then, well, no one appears to be dead, so-"

Suddenly, a very beaten-up Seto slammed opened the door, flinching and shivering in pain, both eyes blacked out.

"I stand corrected," Ryo said.

Suddenly, there was a little beeping sound coming from a watch on Joey's wrist, and cool super-hero music started playing somewhere in the background.

"THE BUTT SIGNAL!" Joey cried heroically. "This looks like a job for…BUTT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

He grabbed Ryo by the wrist, nearly snapping it off with his super strength, and tore down the hallway, a poor, frightened Ryo in tow, billowing in Joey's dust like some sort of flag.

"I think I'm going to check into a different Inn until all of this blows over," Serenity said, going upstairs to comb the suds out of her hair.

_Time to dismantle the generator_, Seto said, taking his wrench back downstairs.

---ooo---

With dramatic background music still playing in the background, Joey, dragging Ryo, dashed down the hallway, until he came to a huge grandfather clock. He then opened the glass door to it, pulled down one of the chains, and then, the clock slid by, revealing a secret passageway. He then jumped into the slide that lid down the passageway. In the process, he and Ryo, due to cool robots along the chute, slapped on their super hero costumes, which was just their regular clothes with towel capes and masks (and the underwear for Joey), which finished off with them landing on a huge, fluffy pillow at the bottom of the chute. Well, Joey landed on the pillow, Ryo landed on concrete.

"THE BUTT CAVE! Equiped the Butt Plasma TV!" said Joey dramatically, pointing to a round table with a huge 'BM' in the middle and a tiny 'GB' not far bellow it, right next to a huge, movie theater like television screen.

"Oh Boy! I bet 'Sesame Street' is on!" said Joey, turning on the TV.

"But, isn't this supposed to be where we get our mission briefing?" Ryo asked.

Suddenly, the plasma screen of the TV burst into static, and then a elderly gentleman in a admiral-y kind of uniform appeared on it, smoking a pipe.

"Butt Man," said the Chief. "We need your help immediately!"

"If you didn't need our help, you wouldn't have called!" Ryo said cheerfully.

"Who are you?" the Chief asked.

"MY YOUNG WARD!" Joey said. "Now, what is it Chief?"

"Butt Man," Chief said, "a local knickknack store, Things'n'Stuff'n'Junk, is being robbed by a rouge gang of mice people. We believe they have connections to the highest member of the mice people society, the lovely Empress Evil, high Queen of the Mice people."

"OH NO!" Ryo cried. "Those poor knickknacks!'

"DON'T WORRY CHIEF!" screamed Joey. "Butt Man and Ghost Boy are on the case!"

"I'm a monkey!" The chief said, logging out.

"Quick! To the Butt Mobile!" Joey said, jumping into a small, 1987 Volkswagen with a huge butt painted on it, while Ryo calmly got in.

"LET'S ROLL!" Joey said, turning the key in the ignition.

"Joey, do you have a license?" Ryo asked.

"Uh…no," Joey said. "ONWARDS!"

With that, he floored the gas pedal, and the car went straight through the Butt Cave wall at one hundred eight miles per hour, Ryo screaming at the top of his lungs.

---ooo---

"Alright lady," said a mouse person, holding up a piece of cheese in the shape of a hand gun to threaten the cashier at the counter. "Hand over the knickknacks, and we won't riddle you with enough lead to start a pencil company!"

The helpless cashier, making the horrible mistake of leaving her ice pick at home that day, was forced to shove every chicken shaped mug, cat shaped paper wait, business men plush toys, celebrity bobble heads, and stuffed raccoons which were holding boxes of Cracker Jacks into the burlap sack held in the three mice people's hands.

The mice people themselves were incredibly ugly, with green-brown fur that looked like scummy pond water, beady, bloodshot eyes, long, hairless tails, orange buck teeth, horrible, mangled paws with twisted black claws, and they had horrible voices that sounded like they chugged down ten casks of helium with coffee for breakfast.

"Thanks lady," sneered the evil rats.

"HALT NOT NICE PEOPLE, IN THE NAME OF…BUTT MAN!" screamed Joey, crashing right through a solid wall.

"And Ghost Boy!" Ryo said cheerfully, opening the door un-dramatically.

"ACH! BUTT MAN! And his…pet albino thing," said the Mouse Person. "We almost hope you'd come here…SO WE COULD TEAR YOU APPART!"

"Ha! Good luck!" Joey said. "No one can escape the unpleasant odor of justice! PREPARE TO FEEL THE POSTERIOR OF PAIN!"

"Never!" said the Mouse Person, and he and his tree accomplices charged toward the door, running over Ryo in an attempt to get out.

"THE MICE PEOPLE ESCAPED!" Joey cried in panic.

"I…noticed…" Ryo said in pain on the floor, covered in mousy foot prints. Joey then ran over him as well in hot pursuit of the mice people, charging up the stairs of which the evil mice scurried up to escape from the crime scene.

Ryo, pushing his bruised body to a standing position, headed for the elevator.

---ooo---

"Boy, dat Butt Man don't give up!" said a mouse of the three mouse gang on the roof.

"Um, guys, why are we on the roof?" another mouse asked.

"Because there's a lovely view up here," said the mousey leader. "Also, it's part of the plan…remember?"

"Right," said the first mouse, taking out a piece of red chalk. He then began to run around, drawing on the roof in circles, triangles, and squares. He was still drawing when-

"A HA!" said Joey, slamming open the door to the stairway that lead to the roof. "You shall not escape the Butt of Brutality!"

Suddenly, an elevator sound dinged, and the elevator doors opened up to reveal Ryo.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked politely as the door closed behind him.

"Oh…kay…" said the head mouse person. "ATTAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

"Hey, that's mean!" Joey said, flying out of the way as a mouse tried to tackle him, and having to fly away again when another one jumped in the air to claw him out.

"Don't worry," Ryo said heroically, pulling out a plastic spork with a bunch of silver glitter on it. "I posses the power of…THE SILVER SPORK OF POLITE INTERVENTION!"

"Huh?" the mice people asked.

"Excuse me," said Ryo sweetly, walking up to the head mouse person, "but I think that it would be in everyone's best interest if you stopped being mean and stealing stuff. Maybe we can talk this over with a nice cup of hot chocolate…maybe a banana muffin drizzled with white choco-"

BAM!

The mouse person punched him, send Ryo flying off the roof, screaming as he fell down.

"Oh no!" Joey said. "You people are just…MEAN! That's it! Time to get dangerous!"

With that, using his power to fly as fast as the speed of light, he zoomed off to China, where it was evening at the time, and a little girl was skipping with a jump rope outside of her house.

"Little girl!" Joey said, landing right in front of her. "I need your jumpy ropey thing."

The little girl, not understanding English, started beating Joey up with kick butt karate moves.

"THANK YOU!" Joey said with the jump rope, revealing that four of his teeth got punched out when he smiled.

So with that, he flew back home to the mice people, and still flying at supper speed, spun around them with the jump rope in his hands, quickly tying all three of them up.

"COOL!" he said, looking at the mice that were struggling to get free from the jump rope. "I caught the mice people! But how come I can't help but think that I forgot something…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Ryo continued to scream as he fell down.

"Mm, did it have something to do with chocolate?" Joey asked himself.

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"No…I just ate…wait, it was about…something British…"

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Monty Python? Scotland Yard? Queen Elizabeth? The Beatles?"

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"No, OF COURSE! TONY BLAIR!"

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Wait, that's not it. Uh…hey, where's my young ward?"

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Oh no!" Joey said, quickly flying down to the bottom of the building as fast as he could to catch Ryo.

"Don't worry Ghost Boy!" Joey said, landing safely on the concrete sidewalk. "I'll catch you!"

Three feet away from Joey, Ryo crashed into the sidewalk, going at least ten feet underground the solid concrete.

"That was close!" Joey said. "Good thing I caught you Ghost Boy!"

"You didn't catch me, the sidewalk did!" Ryo said, pulling himself out of a Ryo-shaped crater.

---ooo---

"…and so, due to the work of two brave young idiots, the mice, in attempting to rob an innocent knickknack store, were caught," said some news reporter on the screen, showing a picture of Ryo and Joey, skipping down the road, right next to a picture of a sky view of the roof which the huge battle war fought. "However, this bizarre chalk drawing which seems to portray a clown with its tongue sticking out while picking its nose was found on the roof for reasons that are currently unknown. In local news, the treaty of invertebrates failed, resulting in a violent protest that left two worms, an aphid, and a defense attorney dead-"

"Oh, great, Joey and Ryo are getting themselves in trouble!" Serenity said. Just then, all the lights went out, as well as the TV.

"SETO!" she screamed.

"What's going on?" Kami said, rushing into the room. Thankfully, it was light outside.

"Well, let's see, Joey and Ryo think they're super heroes and have gone out to single-handedly fight the mice people, and Seto's gone all out nuts," Serenity said. "In other words, just a normal day out of my very said life."

"Is this the same Seto you had to knock out to stop him from burning down that granary next door?" Kami asked.

"Yeah, that's the one," Serenity said.

"The same one that's running around in a trench coat but no shirt?" Kami asked.

"Yep," said Serenity.

"The same one who skipped down the street yesterday wearing a tutu with pretty flowers in his hair in red high heels with a pair of boxer shorts on his head kissing a large frozen pizza?" Kami asked.

"No, that's Seto Letbinawitz upstairs," Serenity said.

"And what's that sawing noise?" Kami asked.

"Seto's probably destroying the framework of this building," Serenity said. "Could you baby sit him for a couple of hours? I need to run out to bail Joey and Ryo. I'll pay you for your trouble, and boy do I mean trouble."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seto screamed, running into the room, getting on his knees and groveling. "Serenity, you can't leave! THE MICE PEOPLE WILL GET ME! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAH!"

"Very pathetic Seto," Serenity said. "Okay Kami, I should be back soon-"

"PLEASESERENITYIBEGYOU!" Seto screamed.

"Promise to stop crying?" Serenityasked.

Seto nodded pathetically.

"Promise to put your shirt back on?" Serenity asked.

Seto hesitated in answering, but nodded pathetically in the end.

"Fine, okay," Serenity said. "But no freaking out. Got it?"

"No problem!" said Seto. "Now, let me just go find my homemade grenade launcher."

"It's going to be one of those days," Serenity sighed.

---ooo---

"We can't thank you enough for all your help Butt Man and…the other person," said a police officer, talking to Joey and Ryo proudly. "This city is in your debt! Of course, in three weeks, strings will be pulled, and the mice people will go free…"

"We're glad we could help!" said Ryo brightly.

"Yeah. BUTTS!" Joey screamed. "Okay Ghost Boy! UP, UP, AND AWAAAAAAAAAAA-OW!"

When Joey flew off dramatically, he accidentally slammed into an overhanging streetlight.

"Bye!" Ryo said politely, pulling Joey down, and dragging him off. "Okay J-Butt Man, we need to figure out what exactly the mice people are planning. If only we had some sort of clue…"

"…and so, due to the work of two brave young idiots, the mice, in attempting to rob an innocent knickknack store, were caught," said some news reporter on a random TV in a shop window, showing a picture of Ryo and Joey, skipping down the road, right next to a picture of a sky view of the roof which the huge battle war fought. "However, this bizarre chalk drawing which seems to portray a clown with its tongue sticking out while picking its nose was found on the roof for reasons that are currently unknown. In local news, the treaty of invertebrates failed, resulting in a violent protest that left two worms, an aphid, and a defense attorney dead-"

"Hmm…" Ryo said to himself, observing the screen. "Joey, are you listening to this?"

"Yeah," said Joey. "I can't believe the Treaty of Invertebrates failed!"

"No, the clown thing," Ryo said, pointing to the screen. "I think there's a reason that this odd clown drawing was written out by the mice people. There has to be a reason it's there. But what?"

"Boy, I look hot," Joey said, looking at his picture on the TV screen.

"Um…anyway, we probably should go to the library to research this mysterious clown picture," Ryo said.

"What's a library?" Joey asked.

"It's where people went to look up information before Google was invented," said Ryo.

"Whoa…" Joey said.

---ooo---

"Joe-ey, Ri-yo, where are you?" Serenity called into the streets as she and Seto went out looking for their confused friends. "Come out, come out, wherever you are! Guys, this isn't funny!"

"AAAAAAAHH!" Seto screamed, running up to Serenity and grabbing her from the behind.

"What? What is it Seto?" Serenity said, startled from Seto.

"I saw something!" Seto said, pointing down a dark, abandoned alley, where there was absolutely nothing there but a plastic bag.

"Seto…that's a not a mouse person. That's a plastic bag," Serenity said.

"Well, yeah, that's what it looks like!" Seto said. "But it could be a mouse person…IN DISGUISE!"

Serenity managed to tear him off her, throwing him over her shoulder and slamming him into the ground.

"That was uncalled for!" Seto yelled.

"As are many things you've done," Serenity said. "Hey…what's that noise?"

Very faintly echoing through the alley was the sounds of minute scrapings against the cement ground, accompanied by a chorus of…squeaks. Much to Seto and Serenity's horror, but mostly Seto's, the squeaking got louder and louder, the tell-tale sign that something was coming this way.

"Just back off quietly, and when you see aggressive movement, turn around and run in circles screaming. Got it?" Serenity said through the corner of her mouth, already backing away from the alley.

"Weird, that's what I was planning," said Seto, a definite quiver in his voice.

"I'm glad you're thinking ahe-" started Serenity, but then, she found that she backed into a towering wall of sinew and extremely dirty fur.

"Where are you goin' lady?" snarled a very rouge-sounding squeak, and Serenity turned around to see a particularly large mouse person was standing behind her, holding what looked like a night stick.

"We'll just be going-" Serenity said, grabbing a petrified Seto and trying to make a break for it, but the second she did, a band of four other mice people hiding in the alley jumped out to fill the gap in front, in back, and to her other side, completely surrounding the two, and catching them in, quite literally, a mouse trap.

"WE'RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Seto screamed at the top of his lungs, turning around and running in circles.

"Couldn't have put it better myself," said the first mouse person, as he and his cronies started to close in.

"Okay, this would be a very convenient time to overcome your fear of mice Seto," Serenity said.

"Happythoughtshappythoughthappythoughtshappythoughts," Seto said, curled up in a ball on the ground.

"But that would be much too helpful wouldn't it?" Serenity said.

That's when they attacked. Thankfully, Serenity and her awesome kick butt skills were doing a fine job of holding them off, but unlike people, mice people are equipped with incredible speed and stamina. They can take any hit you can dish out, and they can throw it back just as easily. Serenity was holding her own, but without help, there was no way she could hold back five super-charged mutants forever.

"WHENEVER YOU WANT TO INTERVINE SETO!" she screamed, punching a rat person in the jaw, and kicking one in the stomach at the same time.

_Oh &# _thought Seto. _Serenity's fighting mutants, and I'm crying like a sissy. What kind of person am I? I'm scared of mice for crying! What kind of man am i? WHAT KIND OF HUMAN AM I CORNFORK IT? Any person with a shard of a heart would at least try to help her._

Thoughtless pause.

_Good thing I have no heart,_ he thought.

"STOP IT YOU INCREDIBLY MEAN PEOPLE!" screamed a high-pitched, girly girl kind of female voice, and then, with a burst of really cool bright colors, there appeared a magical girl holding a huge wand thing. She had all the magical girl equipment, including a tine fu-fu skirt, red, knee-high spiked boots, long white gloves, really cute sailor-y kind of outfit with a jewel in the middle of a huge red bow, feathery wing things, and long pigtails with shiny hairclips.

"In the name of all that is pure, nice, and fat-free, let those harmless…ish bystanders go!" commanded the magical girl, "for if not, I, Lady Light, shall give you a firm, but just punishment!"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," said Serenity.

"I agree with the soon-to-be-dead person," said the Mouse Person. "There is no way that _you_ can beat us. I mean were armed with night sticks, and you're dancing around with a play stick in pretty ribbons!"

All the mice people bust out laughing.

"That's mean…" said the magical girl with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, look at me!" said another mouse person, doing a little girl's sachet, "I'm a little girl scout, and I'm going to get you with my adorable little outfit and my big, mean, scary stick!"

"T-that's not funny!" said Lady Light, crying. "My s-stick isn't t-that scary!"

"La la la la LAAAAAAAAAAA!" another sang, doing an even more girly little dance, batting his eyelashes in the process.

"PRETTY COLORED RAINBOWS, ATTACK!" screamed the magical girl, pointing her stick at the mice people. The stick then shot out a bunch of huge, shining rainbows that surrounded the evil mice people, whipping them, strangling them, and overall beating them up to a pulp.

"YAAAAAAAAAARG!" all the mice screamed in pain.

"Do you surrender?" Lady Light asked sweetly.

"YES, YE-AAAAAAAAAA, YES ALREADY!" screamed the mousy leader.

"GOOD!" said Lady Light, and the rainbows got sucked back into her magical wand. "Now go and be good evil mice people. 'Kay?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" all the mice people screamed as they ran away as fast at their paws could take them.

"Whoa…" Serenity said. "Thank you…"

"No problem!" said Lady Light.

"Is it over?" Seto asked, uncovering his eyes.

"Yeah…" Serenity sighed.

But before she could turn to say thank you again to the magical girl again, she was gone.

---ooo---

"Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha!" Joey laughed, photocopying pictures while sitting on the photocopier. "I love the library!"

"JOEY! YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!" screamed Ryo, running over to him and the photocopier, holding an opened encyclopedia in front of him, but he slowed to a stop when he saw what Joey was doing.

"Em…Joey, why are you photocopying your butt?" Ryo said, holding up a picture of Joey's butt. Thankfully, Joey was wearing his pants, and his pair of underwear on the outside of them.

"BUTT MAN!" Joey screamed.

"Okay…" Ryo said uneasily. "This book, I think, hold our answers! But-"

"YES!" Joey said, pointing to the picture of his butt Ryo was holding.

"No," Ryo said. "What I meant was…this could be really bad…"

"They're going to give us presents, and let us leave the town?" Joey asked.

"No, I said _bad_ Joey," said Ryo.

"They're going to give us spanks, a verbal warning, and then let us go?" Joey asked.

"No Joey," said Ryo.

"They're going to join our fan clubs, steal all the pencils with our names on them, kick our butts, and then let us leave?" Joey asked.

"No Joey, but-" Ryo started.

"YES!" Joey said, pointing to the picture again.

"-they're going to take over the world…" Ryo said, as a dramatic 'bum bum bum' played in the background.

---ooo---

I know what you're thinking. NOT ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! Oh well, too bad, MUA HA HA!

This chapter was so much fun to write! The Butt items, the chief, making fun of Super-Hero clichés, the magical girl, it was just a blast!

Anyway…what more do I have to say? HERE'S A PREMERE OF OUR NEXT CHAPTER!

---ooo---

"Well, I'm glad that this has all been sorted out," said the first rat person, pulling out a piece of Swiss in the shape of a gun. "Gentlemen, you have arrived into your own tombs for all eternity!"

"We're going to be buried in a library?" Joey asked. "Jeez, that's lame."

"Alright," said Ryo. "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. You must now face…THE SILVER SPORK OF PO-"

The second he tried to draw out the magical spork dramatically, it accidentally flew out of his grip and straight through a florescent light, causing a huge shock wave that instantly ousted the rest of the lights, submerging the entire library into darkness.

"Wow, that went out ten times better than I expected," said a pair of Ryo eyes, which shot off as Joey grabbed. "But there's one last thing that's puzzling me. How are we going find the door?

CRASH!

Leaving another huge hole in the wall, Joey crashed right through it, still pulling Ryo along like a flag, and leaving three very angry mice people screaming very dirty swear words in the background.

"So that's how," Ryo said.

---ooo---

I'M A MONKEY!


	22. If I Only Had Cosplay Lass and Lady Ligh...

"I'm a fartinair!"

(A quote by my little brother)

NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE LOVELY, LOVELY REVIEWERS!

Funky Egyptian

I've made you hyper AGAIN? Ouch.

YAY! Glad you liked this chapter though. YOU'RE SICK! I hope you got better. SICK ISN'T FUN! (Unless you get to stay home from school, then it's kind of fun). Hope you like this chapter too!

Dark Princess Saz

Yami's afraid of rats? THAT HILARIOUS!

Ahem. Anyway, can't believe I mistook 'sea chicken' for 'space chicken'. But still Chicken Invaders sounds like an awesome game! Almost as fun as Bunny Bashers!

I usually only get mail from my reviewers as well. If my brother signs me up for Neopets…he shall pay…OH WELL! Thank you, as always, for the hilarious review, and may you rack up the high score on Space Chickens! BUA HA HA!

Pointe Master

THANK YOU! Fear not! No actual ballerinas were harmed in the making of chapter one. They were made of foam latex.

I'm glad that you think this story is good for people who need a laugh. I always need to keep an arsenal of comedy videos and DVDs, just in case a bad day comes. And if I can help people in that way, YAY!

Thankie Spankies again! Hope you come back!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Great to see you back! Nothing's more funner than un-dramatic entrances, eh?

Thank you for explaining the Skoobies. NOW I UNDERSTAND! And why does your sister get TWO cakes? Very odd. Oh, and your idea about the chapters was really good!

And Moonlight Shadow is an awesome pen name. I'd back it. THANKYOUSOMUCHANDIHOPEIGETTOTALKTOYOUAGAIN!

Cute lil Yami

I still love the word Goounylarious.

The Silver Spork of Polite Intervention is pretty weird. As is Ryo I suppose.

The phobia of mice was originally going to be a phobia of cats, because I think soft, fluffy cats would be a more befitting fear for Seto (laughs) but in the end, mice won out, and I'm kind of glad. I think it all worked out in the end.

Mer her her. Kami. Fluffy. How scary.

ICE CREAM! More sugar, awesome! Thank you CLY, and I hope you like this chapter!

An Unknown Someone

Pegasus's minions will show up latter in the story, and we'll see more of Pegasus as well. In fa-act, Pegasus himself shall be the chief cause of the SUPER DRAMATIC CHAPTER that's coming up! (Evil Music)

Dartz, sad to say, is NOT showing up in this series. However, he, and all of his minions of angst and insanity shall show up in my next story! MER HER!

Tristan's One And Only Fangirl

Things'n'Stuff'n'Junk. I'd like to have a knick-knack store like that somewhere. I love random thingits.

I'm glad you like The Heart of the Idiots! I just did it because I was bored one day. I'm thinking about doing the sequel A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots, but that probably won't come up for a while. Exams are coming up .X.

Everything Joey says both scares me and amuses me. Thank you for pointing out the spelling error. STUPID ME!

And enjoy the chapter, got it?

LoneFlyinTigers

Nice pen name!

Thanks for liking this story so much! I enjoy Serenity butt kicking as well! You are so sweet by reading the entire thing. It's getting kind of long.

Yes, no matter what, we all love Joey. Just because…he's Joey! Thank you so much for the kind review!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

I still love your reviews (laughs). And I'll try to hook up with that author of yours. I"VE BEEN SO BUSY LATLY! (Eye swirls) Anyway, your mom doesn't like the sound of typing, does she?

I LUV BORDERS!

Sorry, I need to scream that out. Alister…you know, I think he should be the leader of the Doom Bikers, Dartz should bounce around in a midriff. AH! SCARY THOUGHT! GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

"…I am asleep and snoring…snore…not plotting your death…" Very funny!

LIKE THIS CHAPTER OR ELSE!

Serenity-Yugioh-Fan05

GAAH! I WISH I KNEW HOW FF dot Net worked! How do you find stories written by authors when you go to their bios? Now all I see is this story sorter junk. ACH!

Anyway, thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the rainbow scene! The magical girl is scary but funny, and you'll like her in this chapter too! C'ya!

Hypolitian Warrior

Magical girls are a little too preppy for my taste, but they sure are fun to write about!

Oh yes, I'm glad you reviewed! Hway! I don't think I can think of anything better to say. Now…

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

If I Only Had Cosplay Lass and Lady Light

"-they're going to take over the world…" Ryo said, as a dramatic 'bum bum bum' played in the background.

"What?" Joey said, who wasn't paying attention.

"They're going to take over the world!" Ryo said, and the 'bum bum bum' sounded again.

"Cheh, yeah right," Joey said. "Says who?"

"Well, after excruciating research, pouring through hundred, well, actually, only one ancient manuscript, and a whole lot of gourmet hot chocolate, I have discovered the secret to the mice people's evil plot," claimed Ryo.

"Chocolate?" Joey asked.

"And I even had enough time to create an awesome power point presentation," said Ryo, pulling out an easy-pro attached to a laptop computer from nowhere of particular importance.

"Aw, I hate notes!" Joey said, as Ryo flicked it on, revealing a power point presentation that was labeled 'How Were All Going to Get our Rears Kicked; by Ryo Bakura'.

"Okay," said Ryo, as the first slide came up, showing a rodeo clown. "In this modern world, clowns are sorry men and women who wear almost as much makeup as today's pop stars, huge shoes, and wigs that are nearly as weird as Cher's."

"NO WAY!" Joey screamed.

"But," Ryo said, clicking to another slide, showing some ancient people dancing around a fire in grass skirts, "in ancient times, clowns were said to be the direct descendents of Thru'harapo, the great Eurasian god of War, Fruit, and patron god of beauty stylists."

"Cool…" Joey said.

"Also," Ryo said, clicking another slide, showing the weirdo people with a huge picture of a clown, "these native people believed that merely possessing a picture of a clown, one was destined for victory, salvation, and free hot fudge sundaes at Friendlies."

Joey just drooled.

"When the Christian Inquisition started, at about the same time baths were deemed a mortal sin, this great belief system was nearly wiped out from human history," said Ryo, after clicking over to a slide that showed a bunch of crusaders on horseback.

"So what's with the nose picking and sticking out the tongue?" Joey asked.

"The sticking out of the tongue came from ancient Germanic tribes," said Ryo, clicking to a slide showing a bunch of warriors sticking out their tongues. "This was their secret symbol that the tribesmen were to attack and conquer land. The public didn't have any clue what it meant until just recently!"

"And the nose picking?" asked Joey.

"That came from Renaissance Italy," said Ryo, clicking to a slide showing an Italian noble picking his nose, and a lady walking over to him, rolling up her sleeve. "This was to symbolize the night, because one's nostril is said to be as dark and incredibly scary as it. However, this was used to symbolize either 'I wish to see your beautiful face for dinner tonight' or 'I'm a horrendous pig'."

"So?" Joey asked.

"Come on Joey," Ryo said. "Warrior God, attack and conquer, night. Put it all together."

The Jeopardy thirty second song played in the background, and Joey stood blankly into space, drooling.

"Em…Joey?" Ryo asked.

"I GOT IT!" Joey screamed. "It means…THEY WANT TO TAKE US OUT TO DINNER!"

"No Joey," said Ryo, "It means that they are going to take over all the land this night, and if we don't stop them, we will need to learn to speak mouse. Do you really want that Joey?"

"Wait," Joey said. "We'll have to LEARN SOMETHING? This shall not be! BUTT MAN WILL STOP THOSE FIENDISH FIENDS!"

"And Ghost Boy!" Ryo said cheerfully.

Suddenly, in a furry of squeaks and scampers across the floor, three mice people slid out of the gloom of the library and materialized in front of our (sort of) heroes.

"So," said one of them, pulling out a rather sharp piece of gorgonzola cheese from behind him, "I suppose you've found out the grand plan. That's a bit of a shame really, we were hoping you were the type of superhero who's so stupid they don't find out the plan until right before the world was going to be destroyed."

"We've whated the what?" Joey asked.

"So now that you've actually found out the plan, we're going to have to kill you," said another mouse person.

"You know, you really can break tradition once and awhile," Ryo said, as he and Joey were being slowly backed into a corner.

"Actually, we can't," said the first mouse person. "Ever since the union of EVARP, the Evil Villains and Arch Rivals Program was okayed about fifty years ago, evil villains have had to go by strict guidelines and procedures."

"Well, can't you just go against it once?" Ryo asked with huge chibi eyes in a last ditch attempt to save Joey and his backsides.

"Actually, the rules are so strict, that if any of them are broken, we lose both grants and resources," said the third rat person. "Then we have to do independent evil jobs, like stock marketing and thinking up plots for reality shows."

"Don't you just hate blue capes?" Joey asked.

"The term's red tape Joey," Ryo said.

"Well, I'm glad that this has all been sorted out," said the first rat person, pulling out a piece of Swiss in the shape of a gun. "Gentlemen, you have arrived into your own tombs for all eternity!"

"We're going to be buried in a library?" Joey asked. "Jeez, that's lame."

"Alright," said Ryo. "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. You must now face…THE SILVER SPORK OF PO-"

The second he tried to draw out the magical spork dramatically, it accidentally flew out of his grip and straight through a florescent light, causing a huge shock wave that instantly ousted the rest of the lights, submerging the entire library into darkness.

"Wow, that went out ten times better than I expected," said a pair of Ryo eyes, which shot off as Joey grabbed. "But there's one last thing that's puzzling me. How are we going find the door?

CRASH!

Leaving another huge hole in the wall, Joey crashed right through it, still pulling Ryo along like a flag, and leaving three very angry mice people screaming very dirty swear words in the background.

"So that's how," Ryo said.

"DON'T WORRY GHOST BOY!" said Joey, throwing Ryo at the car without the door open, causing Ryo just to slam up against the glass, and slide down rather painfully. "I'LL SAVE US!"

"Wonderful," said a slightly bruised Ryo as he opened up the door and hopped in.

"TIME TO FLOOR IT!" Joey screamed, slamming down on the gas so hard that even though the car was in 'park', it shot off into the night while careening down the road at about 130 miles per hour.

---ooo---

Kami was happily dusting the furniture in the entry room of the Inn, which had had it's generator fixed during a period of time of no particular importance, with a huge feather duster that she made sure that the ostriches that provided the feathers weren't brutally slaughtered. Yes, Kami's a bit of an animal lover. Anyway, she was humming cheerfully at the exact same moment slammed the door open with her left platform strap, an unconscious Seto on her back.

"Oh, hello there dear!" Kami said cheerfully. "How was your trip out?"

"Well, it was pretty bad to begin with…now that you mention it, the middle wasn't that fun either…and the end consisted of carrying the world's tallest stick figure home while wearing platforms after getting mauled."

"So…mediocre then?" asked Kami.

"Yeah, somewhere on those lines," Serenity said.

"AH! MICE PEOPLE!" Seto screamed, suddenly regaining consciousness.

"Go back to being passed out Seto," Serenity said.

"'Kay," said Seto, feinting again.

"But the weirdest thing is that just when I was getting the tar kicked out of me, some random magical girl came to our rescue," Serenity said. "Do you know any magical girls wandering around?"

"Wow, a magical girl?" asked Kami. "Wow, we haven't had one of those in a while. They moved out once the mice people came in…and the urban sugar ban was put up."

"Great," said Serenity. "Well, Joey and Ryo are still missing, and Seto, at this point, is about as useful as a car that the designer forgot to put an engine in. Well, in desperate times, there's only one thing a girl can do!"

"Eat fresh baked chocolate chip cookies while watching reruns of 'The Nanny'?" asked Kami.

"Exactly," said Serenity, heading toward the stairs. "You start up the tapes, I'll put Seto on the roof."

---ooo---

"So how can we possibly reverse this?" Ryo said. "Ever mouse person in the modern world is marching with ill-deserved confidence right into this town to conquer the world, destroy our great civilization, and ruin every nice piece of cheese from here to Honduras."

"Wow, that's a bummer," said Joey. "BUT FEAR NOT YOUNG WARD! I have devised a plan-"

"Yay!" Ryo said.

"-but then I forgot it-" Joey said.

"Oh," Ryo said.

"-but then I thought up a new plan!" Joey said.

"Yay!" Ryo cried.

"But then I forgot that one too," Joey said.

"Oh," Ryo said.

"But then I remembered the original plan!" Joey said.

"Yay!" Ryo said.

"But then I forgot to write it down and watched so many episodes of 'The Most Extreme' on Animal Planet-" Joey said.

"I think I have a general idea of the direction that this conversation is going in," Ryo said. "Wait, Joey, I have an idea!"

"NO WAY!" Joey screamed.

"Maybe, if we find the leader of the mice people, and if she hears us out, she'll call off the attack!" Ryo said. "Hooray for diplomacy!"

"COOL!" Joey asked. "So which way is she?"

"Well, that's kind of the flaw in the plan," Ryo said. "I…have no clue."

"Hmm…" Joey said in deep thought, as a huge, neon sign flashed over his head that had a huge arrow on in and said 'THIS WAY TO THE QUEEN OF THE MICE PEOPLE'. "Where could she be?"

"Never mind Joe," said Ryo, grabbing him and pulling him in the direction of the arrow.

---ooo---

**MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN A SMALL, SUBURBAN TOWN NOT TOO FAR FROM SALEM OREGON**

"Once upon a time, there was a lovely little psycho named Herman," read a Kindergarten teacher to her class. "He one day got bored and killed everyone on the entire planet, then baked some golden cornbread. The end."

---ooo---

**BACK TO THE ACTUAL STORY**

"Seto!" Serenity cried, opening the trap door that lead to the roof. "Are you done hyperventilating? I need to go off and find Joey and Ryo before it gets…too…dark…"

To Serenity's shock, horror, confusion, and the ten million emotions in between, the roof was completely empty, and there was a small letter that was lying under a small rock to keep a small wind from blowing it away. Serenity wondered why Shrilanka-San continued to torture her, but picked up the note and began to read the words in very fancy but very hard to make out cursive. It even had the 'Q's that are shaped like 2.

_Serenity,_

_Gone off to fight the mice people and conquer my fear of mice. I don't want to, but your stupid plush cat won't get off my back, and gave me a huge lecture on responsibility, which I could, at this point, really care less about. However, she guilt tripped me into going._

_So now I'm heading off into the streets with your stupid plush cat. I'll be back either in two hours or never. Hope you're not too miffed. Well, actually, I don't care._

_I hate you and your stupid plush cat,_

_Seto_

_P.S. If I don't come back, my last wish is that Joey be sold to provide research for cures to basic insanity._

"Perfect," Serenity said, tearing the letter in half. "Je-yust peachy."

---ooo---

"For the last time, we're lost," Seto said, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins riding on his head. "We don't know we are, we don't know where the mice people are, thankfully, and we don't know where the Mutt and Ryo are, another blessing in disguise."

"So in your mind, we have two blessings to one curse, and you're still griping," Miss Fuzzy-Kins said.

"Shut up," said Seto.

"I don't understand you," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I can read your thoughts, but I still can't understand you. You hate everyone and everything, yet you're going out to save two weirdos."

"One, I don't hate everyone, I just like very few people, and I lack a heart," Seto said. "Two, I'm only doing this because you threatened to hack off both of my arms with a meat cleaver. A _dull_ meat cleaver."

"So?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"Well God, isn't there anything that you're scared off?" Seto said.

"You scare me," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"I mean something that gives you nightmares every night that you see one, makes your skin crawl, and activates the fight-or-flight response in your nervous system?" Seto asked.

"Um…nope, still you," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Consciences just don't understand these things," Seto said. "When some deranged rodent just starts attacking you when you're four years old, and completely scaring you emotionally for life, and every time you turn around, your scared, because you just know there's going to be one behind you, just waiting to maul you and chop you into tiny meat fillets. I can't get them off my mind. My every waking thought consists of horrid death by-oooh, are those memory cards?"

They were right next to an electronic store, so Seto's attention was immediately diverted toward the latest technological advances in nerdom.

"Odd, I keep hearing little squeaky noises," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"AHDONTLETTHEMGETME!" Seto screamed, tearing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins off his head and squeezing her in his arms.

"You amuse me Seto," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "But if you popped any seams, you're dead."

---ooo---

"Sorry Kami, but I have to go off again," Serenity said, hovering by the doorway out into the streets. "All three of the others are going to do something stupid, so as usual, I have to risk getting my butt whomped…alone…against a swarm of mice people.

"Do you want me to make you a nice packed meal?" Kami asked, holding out a paper bag with a small turkey and cheese sandwich with some lettuce thrown in for variety, a bag of Lays, and some Oreos.

"No thank you Kami, I doubt I'm coming back from this one alive," said Serenity. "It's just four of us against an entire mass dictatorship of mutated rodents. The chances of us beating them are like the sky ripping open and having orange Telitubies rain from it. Not entirely impossible, but pretty much so."

"Well, that's not a very positive attitude," said Kami.

"Sorry Kami," sighed Serenity. "I can't help but feel like soon I will be dead. Goodbye possibly forever Kami…"

"No Serenity, you won't die!" said Kami heroically.

"What? Do you have a crystal ball?" Serenity asked.

"Nope! But I do have a magic wand!" Kami said. "SUGARY FLUFFY THINGS, GIVE ME STRENGTH!"

And upon saying the magic words, the magical girl transformation began. With a sparkly background, implied nudity, cool ribbon things spinning around and turning into clothes and such, Kami was shrouded in a fu-fu skirt, tall boots, sailor top, long white gloves, and a magic wand.

"YOU'RE LADY LIGHT?" Serenity cried.

"You bet you're socks!" Kami said. "Yeah, I was going to tell you, but I had to help Ms. Fuzzy-Kins fix the generator, and Monsior Fatso in suite 74 barfed up all of his frog legs, so I was pretty busy up until you came home, and then I was too amused by the reruns."

"Ah," Serenity said.

"Fear not Serenity! I shall aide you in rescuing your monkey boys and plushie!" said Kami. "But first…"

"Yes?" asked Serenity.

"You are going to get a super hero costume aren't you?" she asked.

---ooo---

"Here we are Joey," said Ryo, standing outside of a huge, dark, scary looking mansion. "The evil lair of the Queen of the Mice People!"

"Ooh, pretty," said Joey.

"Okay, so here's my plan," said Ryo. "We walk in, state our business in a firm but reasonable manor, ask to speak to the Mouse Queen, be on our best behavior, and try to make a deal about not taking over the world."

"And then we beat them up?" Joey asked.

"No Joey, there's no beating up involved," said Ryo.

"Please?" Joey asked.

"No," Ryo said. "Now lets go over this again. Walk in, state business, speak to Mouse Queen, talk it over."

"Walk in," Joey said, "state business, speak to mouse queen, beat up stuff, talk it over."

"No Joey, no beating up," Ryo said.

"State business, walk in, beat up stuff, talk it over, beat stuff up, speak to Mouse Queen, beat stuff up, talk it over…then beat stuff up."

"No Joey. Repeat after me. Walk in…"

"Walk in…"

"…state business…"

"…state business…"

"…speak to Mouse Queen…"

"…speak to Mouse Queen…"

"…talk it over."

"…talk it over…then beat stuff up."

"THERE WILL BE NO BEATING STUFF UP!"

"No?"

"NO!"

"Not at all?"

"No. None at all. No beating up. Period. Stop. No mas."

"Okay…so no beating up?"

"YE-ES!"

"Kay! Just some beating up!"

"No! There will be no beating up whatsoever. None at all. Do not beat things up, and do not even think of beating things up, unless the next thought that runs in your head is that 'no, I shall never do it'. Understand?"

"No beating up?"

"No, none at all."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

---ooo---

"Did I not tell you not to beat stuff up?" Ryo asked, both of them tied up to a pair of chairs, waiting for their horrible punishment while being guarded by two mouse people. "You really should work on your listening skills Joey. It's one of the most basic qualities that separates us from rabid animals."

"Sorry, did you say something?" Joey asked.

"Alright you lowly durgs!" proclaimed an announcer mouse person. "Bow in humbleness towards our grand, wise, attractive, sought after, mammalian, clean, stern, just, superior, wonderful, awesome, fantastic ruler of all kingdoms! THE QUEEN OF THE MICE PEOPLE!"

And so, as great long trumpets pealed their gallant tolls, and the mousey guard fell down on one knee, the great Mouse Queen strode forward. She was clad in majestic splendor, the finest satin-polyester fabric, bought from the most prestigious craft store in the northern district of a northern town somewhere on the beaches of the Niagara area in Canada. It's train was a solid four feel long, bedecked in such natural beauty of bird feathers, peanut shells, and acorns. She stood at a massive seven feet, nine and a half inches tall, the greatest specimen of mouse yet to be seen by the eyes of mortal men…and Joey.

"WHAT HO VILE CREATURES?" bellowed the mouse queen in a deadly, but regal, tone of voice. "Who dares to try to alter the supreme plans of the supreme mistress of her race!"

"Um, yes, about that," Ryo said politely. "We were wondering if we could talk this over, maybe discuss our differences in a calmer, more pleasant atmosphere-"

"SILENCE!" screamed the Mouse Queen. "How _dare_ you try to use the supreme power of the Silver Spork of Polite Intervention? You lowly dog…YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE WITH YOUR LIFE!"

"Wow you're a big fat meanie head!" Joey said.

"And you, blonde knave!" cried the Mouse Queen, pointing an knarled claw at Joey. "You foul demon, who has tortured our land with your horrible, butt-centered jokes, and your posterior-based justice! For eons, you have plagued our land, and burned our crops, and-"

"Actually, we haven't done any of that," Ryo said.

"HOLD YOUR TONGUE!" screamed the Mouse Queen. "You will all suffer terrible punishment for your deeds, and in a very specific order. First, you will all have to hop up and down and do a silly dance for exactly five minutes and seventeen seconds. Next, you will all have to sit in a moderately comfy chair and discuss your feelings. After that, we knock your blocks off. Clear?"

"Oh yes, very," Ryo said.

"NOT SO FAST!" said Seto, bursting open the door, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins still riding on his head.

"OHMYGOD! IT'S A TOOTH FAIRY!" screamed the Mouse Queen.

"No," Seto said flatly. "I'm here to…to…I can't say it, it hurts too much."

"Save our lives?" Ryo asked hopefully.

"Whatever," Seto said darkly. "But mostly to stop being so scared of harmless members of the rodent family! YOU PEOPLE RUINED MY LIFE! YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!"

"Don't you usually start feinting at this point?" Joey asked.

"Yep, and if it weren't for that ten gallons of mountain dew I drank four minutes ago, I probably would be out of it," Seto said. "But no. This time, it's just you, me, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins you dirty stinkin' mice…oh, and a small fish I carved out of a bar of deodorant soap."

Seto held out the fish, and everyone sweat dropped.

"ATTACK!" screamed the Queen of the Mice People.

"THIS WILL BE TOO EASY!" Seto yelled.

---ooo---

"Boy, how ironic can this story get?" Ryo asked.

"Shut up Ryo," said Seto, also tied up to the other two.

"Alright, where exactly were we?" the Mouse Queen asked. "Oh yes, the torture. ONTO-"

"NOT SO FAST!" screamed Serenity, bursting into the door wearing the same garb as Miho from 'Megatokyo', including the black mini dress, black combat boots, black and white socks, and her impossible hair ribbons. "FOR YOU SHALL SUFFER THE PAIN OF…COSPLAY LASS!"

"And Lady Light!" cried Kami, flying into the room.

"WHAT TOOK YOU SO DARN LONG?" Seto yelled.

"Too scared huh?" Serenity asked. "Well anyway, we would have got here earlier, but it we ran into traffic on the way to WalMart. Plus, these hair ribbons aren't the easiest things to put in your bangs. Oh yeah, and the cashier was a big fat freak, and we had to do girly eyes to get through. And that can be strenuous when it's done right."

"Yeah, great story," said the Mouse Queen. "NOW FOR YOUR UNTIMELY END!"

"Ha!" Serenity said. "This shall be both quick and highly amusing!"

---ooo---

"Wow, this is creepy!" said Ryo. "It's just one irony after another!"

"Ryo, as much as I think it will hurt you to say this, you're just adding insult to injury," said Serenity as she was tied up with Kami and the others.

"NOT SO FAST!" Seto yelled.

"Okay, this is getting way to Monty Python for my taste," said Serenity. "Plus, if you haven't noticed, YOU'RE TIED UP TOO!"

"Maybe so," Seto said. "But all of this amusing antics, the real hero of the day had time to re-gear."

Just as Ryo said 'huh?', there was a huge, reloading 'click', Ms. Fuzzy-Kins appeared with the biggest Super Soaker known to man.

---ooo---

Okay, I think you're really going to like this part of the chapter. This is probably the most well written part of the chapter, quite possibly the book. Millions of dollars were used to make this scene, I mean, stunt doubles, water, super soakers, ninja trainers, stunt doubles for stunt doubles, stunt doubles for the stunt doubles for the stunt doubles, stunt doubles for the water, stunt doubles for the ninja people, buildings, and a whole lot of coffee. So now, for your viewing pleasure-

**DUE TO MASSIVE BUDGET CUTS, NINJA STRIKES, THE FACT THAT THIS IS SOME STUPID TEENAGER'S STORY INSTEAD OF A PROFESSIONAL'S, AND THE FACT THAT AN ELDERLY WOMAN IN SOME SMALL TOWN WAS OFFENDED BY THE FOLLOWING, THE EXTREMLY EXPENSIVE FIGHT SCENE WAS CUT FROM THE CHAPTER, AND THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SHORTENED TO ACCOMPIDATE FOR THE LOSS. WE ARE SORRY (WELL, NO WE AREN'T) FOR ANY INCONCVINIENCE**

…

…okay…here's the rest of the chapter

---ooo---

"Wow, that was an awesome fight scene," said Joey.

"ALRIGHT!" said a very soaked Mouse Queen, waving a white flag. "I surrender! Just…just please don't drench me again!"

"Promise not to try to take over the world?" Ryo asked.

"YES!" cried the Mouse Queen.

"Promise to go home and be nice?" Ryo asked.

"YES, YES ALREADY!" screamed the Mouse Queen. "We'll go home, be nice, knit fancy socks for the unfortunate, EVERYTHING! JUST DON'T SQUIRT US AGAIN!"

"LUCKY PAIR O' SCISSORS TIME!" Joey said, cutting the rope and setting everyone free.

"Oh figures," said Serenity.

"Well, now that the siege is over you can leave the town!" Kami said, removing her mask and revealing that she was Kami.

"Wait," Joey said. "KAMI WAS THE MAGICAL GIRL?"

"Yeah Joey, everyone knew that," Seto said.

"Huh?" Joey asked. "But…how?"

"Well, it was really obvious now that you mention it," said Kami.

"Yeah, you're just dumb," said the Mouse Queen.

"Oh yeah," Joey said. "What's my name again?"

---ooo---

Not my best chapter now that I admit it, but it got the job done.

I don't own Super Soakers, Megatokyo by Fred Gallager, Easy Pros, 'The Nanny', and the Tellitubies.

Now for a Short-Day SPECIAL! However, this has nothing to do with Yu-Gi-Oh…or does it? This is part amusement, part public awareness of how horrible the future will be if we don't smarten up. And this terrible threat is…THE NERD!

**NERD: A TWO PART SHORT**

Part One: The Treat

_It all seems very vague at first. To the untrained eyes, the horrible banter in Chess Club is merely mindless conversation of the academic sort._

Bob the Nerd: So, I was thinking that I'd camp outside and wait for the Star Wars to open-

Brian the Nerd-and so I used my Harpies Feather Duster to wipe out your-

Bob: Hey, have you seen the trailer for _Serenity_?

Poor innocent Chess Captain: What are they talking about?

Shri: FEAR NOT! I speak Nerd!

_But what society doesn't realize is that more and more, the global scale of nerds slowly grows more and more, cloning and feeding on fantasy novels and science fiction movies._

Secretary: Sir, there's a raving mob outside all doing Star War's Cosplay. They're all holding up signs that say 'bring us Star Wars Now' and burning a life sized Darth Vader Doll. Should we be worried?

Producer: Nah, their orange soda will wear out soon, and they'll need to go home and watch a ton of _Star Trek Enterprise _reruns.

Secretary: You have to check this out sir. It's a site that tells on what level of heck you're going to go to.

Producer: Really? Can I try when you're done?

Secretary: Well, I already typed in that you were the produce of Star Wars, a little picture of Beelzebub appeared on the screen and started laughing…

_I mean come on. Who was the idiot who _didn't_ think that 'Lord of the Rings' was going to be a big hit in the box office? I mean really. Almost three generations of nerds surfaced from the gloomy depths of the swamps to see it._

Some Nerd: So when's this stupid 'Harry Potter' garbage going to get over with so we can see the real stuff?

Some Other Nerd: Yeah. I sew a Legolas costume using home spun wool and grass and sew it together using bird bones, and it's just sitting in the closet. I WANT TO WEAR IT #$ IT!

Some Nerd: I wonder when they're coming out with commemorative mugs at Burger King for them.

Some Other Nerd: Better be freaking soon. Ma's gonna kick me out of the house any day, so that means no more free lunches and laundry done.

_Uh…anyway, just as Great Brittan is doing nothing to stop the ever growing population of nerds around the globe, even our Japanese brethren have done nothing to try to intervene. Instead, they create even more Manga novels and release them to the youth of America._

Online RED preview: A small town not far from Sendai in the late forties houses a young girl who is given a magical wand/sword by her cuddly plush teddy, Azusa. Using her magical powers, she goes to fight evil in all it's forms, as well as make a few romantical advancements on Hirotu, her girlhood crush who is now in her high school…RED ONLY PREVIEW!

Shri: Wicked! Time to kill the bandwidth again!

_More bad news overseas. Even in North America, nerds are cloning and feeding off of…dare I say it…CANADA! As BioWare continues to make a colossal amount of cool games, even the psychotic authoress of this story can't resist the allure._

Mom: Shri, what are you doing?

Shri: PlayingNeverwinterNights.

Mom: Shouldn't you be writing that story you post every week?

Shri: Can'tIneedtodefeatCalik.

Mom: Haven't you been playing that game every free second of your day and night? Even time you usually reserve for showers?

Shri: Ma, I'm a half elf fighter! Hygiene's for sissies!

Ma:...okay hon, it's time for bed.

Shri: Sleep's for sissies too.

_And still, people deny the fact that nerds are slowly growing stronger and stronger across the planet, and deny still that they will rise up and conquer the world._

Producer: Okay, so movies like 'Finding Nemo', 'The Incredibles', and 'Madagascar' are grossing millions of dollars when hitting the box office, but we still produce movies like 'White Chicks'. What do you think we should do next?

Writer: OH! I got it! Why don't we make a movie staring Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton and call it 'White Chicks II, Blonde Bimbo's'?

Producer: I LOVE IT! Start the script!

_So imagine how shocked and horrified the world will be when the nerds of today rise up and conquer the world! How? What will happen? Stay tuned for part two!_

---ooo---

Okay, sorry to scare you. A PREMERE OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!

---ooo---

"Maybe if we split up, we could cover more mall!" Joey said, having his bi-decade intelligent thought.

"NO!" Ryo screamed. "When people split up, bad stuff happens! WE COULD ALL GET KILLED!"

"TOYS!" Joey screamed, running head long into Toys R' Us, officially splitting up from the group, not caring that now he has a very high chance of getting killed.

"Pft, how pathetic," Seto said, watching as Joey began running through the toy store and knocking down every piece of merchandise on sale one by one to the dirty tile floor. "The second he sees anything that appeals to his sick little whims, he'll run off without a concern for anyone else's health and safety. It's so juvenile I just want t- OH MY GOD! IS THAT BEST BUY?

And that's how Seto split up from the group, not caring that now he has a very high chance of getting killed.

---ooo---

I know what you're thinking. WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING IN A MALL! Well, you'll soon find out!

Well, that's all for now. GO HOME YOU MOOCHERS! Chee, I kid!


	23. If I Only Had That Sweater in Navy

I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.

HOORAY! THREE CHEERS FOR THE NICE REVIEWERS!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Hey, I just realized something. If you're _Mokuba's _official glomper, how come he's never in your reviews?

Sorry. ANYWAY! You're the first reviewer! YAY! (Gives a pony). Dartz is so mean! That's why he has to wait 'til my NEXT story to even have one line written by me!

HOORAY! A FELLOW NERD! Would you like to help me conquer the world? I think you would be a valuable edition! Sorry to scare you.

I've ran out of good things to say…already…that's what a boring freak I am.

Oh yeah, I do have one more thing to say. ALISTER IS A CUTIE! (Bonks Alister plushie). HWAY! I guess if you like Seto, you have to like Alister. Don't know why…ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE!

Funky Egyptian

I have no clue who invented budget cuts. I shall find them…one day…

Yay! Thank you for the nice reviewsy! Why are they in a mall? The answer will SHOCK you, CONFUSE you, and overall, MAKE YOU LAUGH! I hope! ENJOY!

Dark Princess Saz

The Mice People were in 'A Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy'? Am I going insane again?

Yami and you both continue to amuse me…MER HER! I thought weasels were the most intelligent thing on earth, then cats, then mice, then dolophins, then us. Oh well.

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER!

Gothangelmyu

I really enjoyed chapter 21! Joey and Ryo are the oddest crime fighting duo I ever met. And Seto scares me. Like he always does. CONGRAT'S FOR FIGURING OUT THE KAMI/LADY LIGHT CONNECTION!

I'm glad you forgot about Joey's scissors. IT ADDS TO THE IRONIC HUMOR! And also, thanks for pointing out about the faint thing. I am not a good speller. (Bonks herself) And I never will be (bonks herself again).

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, you rock. I Wuv mah wittle plushums (cuddles). ENOUGH! Thank you tonzies for the two reviews!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

HI-EYE! (Waves violently)

Your game kind of makes sense…it reminds me of capture the flag, where I was very prone to getting caught no matter what. If you haven't guess, I am not good at tag-like games.

Lady Light was such a vague character, I thought no one would suspect she'd show up another chapter. My mom would probably figure it out …

As for the shoping mall…READ AND FIND OUT! Thank you for the nice review again!

Magnum Chaos

I didn't think you bashed me! Heck no!

I luuuv cartoons. Cosmo's quote, while funny, wouldn't work for Joey, because, being a true idiot, Joey doesn't think…he's an idiot. Wait, what? I'm confusing myself.

I'm glad you liked the car scene. When Mom was talking to me on her cell phone on the way to a business trip, she said "I'm currently careening down the road at one hundred thirty miles per hour" and I loved that thought so much, I needed to fit it into the story!

HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER! It's insane…THANK YOU FOR THE FOUR REVIEWS!

LoneFlyinTigers

Seto and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. A jerk and a cat plushie. They belong together.

Anyway, Seto's costume…I left out. I can't imagine it, and when I try to, I have massive blackouts.

That seems to be a big FAQ. Yes, Pegasus will appear. HOW THE HECK WILL WE HAVE A FINAL BATTLE IF HE DOESN'T? Oh yes, and his confrontation with the gang will lead to-

No, that would be a spoiler.

Thanks for the good luck! I'll need it…some of my teachers are evil…

Hypolitian Warrior

WHO CARES IF YOU'RE LATE? A reviews a review! I like the late one's anyway.

NOT THE RED CHIBI COW!

Good question. I don't think any more Yu-Gi-Oh characters will show up. I'll tell you why in the end of the book, because there's a special reason, and I hope someone will figure it out. OH! Wait, there is one more. I think Mokuba's showing up.

Though, Tea and Yugi are doomed to return, as well as some of the other characters.

AWESOME! Being obsessed over granola bars is COOL! Enjoy this chapter!

Cute lil Yami

HOORAY FOR SHORT ATTENTION SPANS!

Gotta luv Joey. I wonder if I did a poll, who would the favorite characters of this story be?

Seto's ongoing battle with his fear of mice continues, even today. I don't think it will ever truly disappear.

Ah yes, the obscure magical girl characters, and the censored fight scenes! Oh the horror! Oh the randomness! Oh the sheer chaos!

MORE COOKIES! Thank yooooooooooooooooooou!

Bibo-Sama

I'm glad you are amused…again…

Huraw! I loved your description of Tea's magical girl uniform in your story! I found it rather amusing myself.

BEHOLD, I HAVE CONTINUED! I hope you enjoy it. And noooooow…

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**

If I Only Had That Sweater in Navy

Many great Shakespearian Verse has been recorded and passed down through the ages from generation to generation as timeless bites of vocabulary base wisdom, and refinement of tongue. Verses such as 'Parting is such sweet sorrow', 'To be, or not to be, that is the question', and perhaps the most famous of all, 'You're my alternative girlfriend'…or something like that.

This, however, isn't one of them.

"So we have no clue which way to go?" Serenity asked, as she and the three others stood in front of a huge fork in the yellow brick road, which had a huge picket sign in the middle. One arrow that pointed to the left said 'mortal peril', while the one to the right said 'trials and suffering'.

"Hm…possible death or torture?" Ryo said. "Wow, this is quite a philosophic debate! Should we go down that path and risk dying, or face a fat load of extreme torture? My gosh, this is like the great Shakespearian quote, 'You're my al'-, wait no, 'to be, or not to be, that is the question'."

"But which way leads to Rhinestone City?" Seto asked.

"Well, we've been in a ton of life-or-death situations, so it must be down mortal peril!" Serenity said.

"Yeah, but we've also had a ton of traumatic experiences, so it could be down 'trials and suffering'," Seto said.

"Very good point!" Serenity said. "So either side is fair game."

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SEE THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY?" Ryo screamed.

"Where?" Joey said, looking all around. "I don't see no glass! All I see is a huge rectangular glassy thing!'

Joey pointed to the side of the road, to a small purple brick path that lead away from it, leading toward a huge…mall center.

"What the heck's a mall doing here?" Serenity asked. "This is way too convenient…waaaaay too convenient…"

"But maybe we can find someone there we can ask for directions!" Ryo said, in a usual cheerful and optimistic state of mind.

"I suppose we really have no choice," Serenity said. "But this is just like my mom told me when I was seven…"

---ooo---

"Alright Serenity," said Serenity's Mom, who had an adorable seven-year-old Serenity on her lap with huge, chibi eyes, "since Mommy's soap operas are canceled due to crazed middle aged women upset over Robert dying in a freak elevator accident swarming the studio, today I'm going to tell you the three most important things I've learned about life!"

"'Kay Mommy," Serenity said.

"First, never bite into a whole tomato unless you want tomato guts on your shirt or best friend in front of you!" Mom said.

"'Kay," said Serenity.

"The second, when a Tunisian Sock merchant threatens you with a dead cat, just tell him that he looks lovely, and he'll go away," said Mom.

"'Kay," said Serenity.

"And last, and most important of all, when a mall appears in the middle of nowhere, don't go in it, because it's going to be either a mirage or a place holding extreme weirdness and randomness," said Mom.

"'Kay," said Serenity.

"Now, how about we play 'help Mommy find her car keys that she lost again'?" Serenity's Mom said in an encouraging voice Moms and Dads always use to get kids to do stuff.

"YAY!" Serenity cried.

---ooo---

"I MISS MOM SO MUCH!" Serenity sobbed. "She…SHE WAS LIKE A MOTHER TO ME!"

"Yeah…" Seto said. "Let's just go, okay?"

"Alright!" Serenity said, suddenly becoming cheerful again.

---ooo---

"Wow, this is a huge mall!" Ryo said, transfixed by all the many stores selling everything known to man, from shirts to saxophones, from monkeys to mausoleum accessories, from balaclava to Bratislavian Chimp Hounds.

"Okay, so I suppose we're going to need to look at the map," said Seto, looking at the huge map in the middle of the hall that showed where all the store were. "Okay…golf product stores, no…hedge and shrubbery providers, no…a here we go information! Located…'Right next to you, you simpering twit'."

"Hello old boy," said the most horrifically frightening our heroes have seen yet. There was standing a person who looked exactly like Joey, except he had a monocle, white gloves, a white shirt and overcoat, and a very nice looking top hat and cane, sipping a small cup of tea. Ryo was absolutely confused, looking at both this mysterious person and Joey over and over again, having not a heck of a clue what was going on.

"It's quite a pleasure to meet you all," said the weird person. "My name is Wheeler Joseph, and I am the soul provider of information in this facility!"

"My goodness!" Ryo cried in distress. "You look just like and have the exact same name as Joey! THIS IS SO CREEPY!"

Joey just drooled.

"As much as I'd agree, there are two large differences," said Wheeler. "Joey's first name is…Joey, while mine is Wheeler. Second, I have absolutely no flaw in my intelligence whatsoever, and I'm afraid…it may be presumptuous to say the same for Joey…"

"How do you know so much about Joey?" Seto asked dangerously.

"Well, put it simply, Joey and myself were in the same kindergarten class," said Wheeler.

"YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME!" Joey suddenly realized.

"Yes Joey, were past advanced placement of names to faces," Seto said sarcastically.

"Ee-yah," Serenity said. "So, were you two good friends? In kindergarten I mean."

"Well…no," Wheeler said.

"So you didn't play together a lot?" Ryo asked.

"Not really," Wheeler said, almost disdainfully.

"So, what…I mean…how…" Ryo stumbled, trying to find the most polite way to ask how well they knew each other, trying his best not to look like an idiot, but failing that battle.

"OH! I REMEMBER YOU!" Joey screamed. "I used to kick you around, beat you up and steal your lunch money!"

"JOEY!" Serenity cried.

"Oh, you should have seen it Serenity!" Joey said. "It was SO funny! He'd always scream like a girl, and then you shoved pencils up his-"

"This is both amusing and horrifying," Seto said blankly.

"Uh, Joey?" Ryo said to try to stop the conversation, because Wheeler was looking more and more bugged by the second.

"-and back _then_, he always wore these stupid sweaters with little unicorns on them, and he always wore these stupid shorts and knee socks, so we called him Shorty, Girly, McStupidy Fatikin-" Joey continued to rant.

"That's enough trips down memory lane, don't you thing?" said Wheeler in a dead tone, sounding and looking truly livid.

"Sorry…" Serenity tried weakly, not sure what else to say.

"Yes…how may I help you?" asked Wheeler, still sounding entirely flipped off.

"We need directions to Rhinestone City," Seto said, the only of the pack who didn't care about anyone's physical and/or emotional wounds. "There's a stupid fork in the road, and I'm not sure which way to go."

"Or the rest of us," Ryo added.

"Whatever," Seto said.

"Well, when you hit that road, you go right," said Wheeler calmly. "However…if you aren't in any hurry…I'm in need of a bit of a favor."

"Who cares?" Seto asked.

"We'd love to help!" Ryo chirped.

"Absolutely!" Serenity said.

"STAY AWAY FROM THE MOOR!" Joey cried.

"Well, here is my dilemma, should none of you wish to protect your lives or sanity," said Wheeler. "Lately, in my mall, many strange occurrences have been taking place. It started small at first…gas leaks…thefts with no sign of break in…close harmony tenor singers, but it slowly got worse. Soon, all out vandalism started to take place. People started mysteriously vanishing. However, most strange of all is the horrible beast that trails across the land, but no man has come back and lived to tell the tale."

"That sounds dangerous…" Ryo said with a quiver in his voice. "Wh-who died?"

"No one actually," said Wheeler. "We just can't find the stupid little pain."

"Uh…" Ryo said.

"Yes," said Wheeler. "However, odder still, lately, there have been signs that borderline spectral, almost witchcraft like origins."

"Really?" Serenity asked.

"Yes," said Wheeler. "Why, just last week, a man with nine heads and a woman with ten arms were seen dating in a local café. Odder still, it is said that about a mile from hear, the graves did open, and ghosts off wrenched lives began competing in games of PC Yahtzee."

"That is strange…" Serenity said.

"Yes, but by far the most frightening is…a red dog was spotted roaming the streets, and anyone unlucky enough to be in it's path would be instantly squished by a symphonic orchestra!"

Seto's eyes twitched a little.

"Well, we'll find out what's doing this quick, and then we'll be on our way!" Serenity said.

"Why?" Seto said. "I'm certainly not sticking around!"

"But Joey owes it to Wheeler to help him, and we want to set a good example," Serenity said.

"I don't," Seto snapped back.

"Of course, I can always set a bad example, and tie you up to a swivel chair, and force you watch the Titanic un-cut Four Hour long feature with all the DVD extras, including a bunch of trailers, and several bad commercials ripping off scenes from the movie," Serenity said.

Psycho Authoress note: Remember when Titanic came out :-)?

"You…are…sick…" he managed to spit out.

---ooo---

**TWO HOURS LATER! WoOoOoOoO!**

"This is so boring!" Joey said. "Why are we doing this anyway? We searched everywhere, and we had to look through Target twice!"

"Well I _knew_ they'd have 'Hoyle Board Games' in their storeroom!" Serenity said, showing off her bag.

"And I knew they'd have this sweater in Navy!" Ryo said, hugging his new sweater.

"Besides Joey, you need to learn a lesson from this!" Serenity said. "You need to realize that physically and verbally abusing innocent and disadvantaged people is wrong!"

"Yeah stupid," said Seto, slapping Joey at the back of the head.

"Seto…" Serenity said.

"Maybe if we split up, we could cover more mall!" Joey said, having his bi-decade intelligent thought.

"NO!" Ryo screamed. "When people split up, bad stuff happens! WE COULD ALL GET KILLED!"

"TOYS!" Joey screamed, running head long into Toys R' Us, officially splitting up from the group, not caring that now he has a very high chance of getting killed.

"Pft, how pathetic," Seto said, watching as Joey began running through the toy store and knocking down every piece of merchandise on sale one by one to the dirty tile floor. "The second he sees anything that appeals to his sick little whims, he'll run off without a concern for anyone else's health and safety. It's so juvenile I just want t- OH MY GOD! IS THAT BEST BUY?

And that's how Seto split up from the group, not caring that now he has a very high chance of getting killed.

"Well, Seto's manning Best Buy, and Joey's manning Toys R' Us," Serenity said, "so what should we man?"

Two seconds of silence.

"I'm thinkin' Borders?" Ryo said.

"Sounds good to me!" said Serenity, as the two walked of to a myriad of shiny new books, pens, and amusing greeting cards and novelties.

---ooo---

"Oooh, these are some nice looking memory cards," Seto said, tearing one right out of a PC on display in Best Buy, causing the original bearer of such to explode. "Ah, I love the smell of burning plastic. It gives me…a happy feeling…"

"Hurr…" said a mysterious old crone wearing a very long, tattered, black cape, carrying a small chain of the most sacred, and ancient data cables, soul testament that she was truly of the turbo-nerd elite. "Who be you, who can destroy vast computer systems with a flick of his wrist?"

"Do the words 'none of your business' mean anything to you?" Seto asked.

"Hmm…" the old woman wondered, leaning closer and closer to Seto, until they were practically eye to eye. "I wonder…if you can serve my needs."

"Three feet personal," Seto said, shoving her away.

"Wait…" she said, suddenly tugging him by the collar and pulling him right to eye level. "I KNEW IT! THE GREAT IKI IKI IKI KA-PONG-ZUR-TAM-BO!"

"What the-" Seto half snapped, half snarled, and suddenly, from all corners of the store, a great gathering of nerds surfaced. From behind the displays of Yamaha Home theater systems, to the massive displays of PC games, even from behind the many displays of widescreen television sets. They came in drones, from all around, to gather around the mysterious woman…and Seto.

"Okay…I'm leaving now," Seto said, turning tail and running. However, a sudden wall of nerds blocked his way out, trapping him inside the store.

"Oh shoot," he said, as the great blanket of nerds gathered together, swallowing him inside their terrifying grip.

---ooo---

_Narration: For years, she has been abused, neglected even though she was supposed to be the heroine of her own story. However, now, she has come back to take revenge of the world. Tokyopop proudly presents…TOHRU HONDA THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC!_

_Tohru: Okay Kisa, so far we've ousted Kyo, Haru, Yuki, and Momiji. Who's next on the list?_

_Kisa: (Looking at list written in blood) Um…Shigure._

_Tohru: Can't, he's gone out to stop his publisher from killing herself again. Okay, who's after that?_

_Kisa: Hiro._

_Tohru: Well, actually, I got a little crazy this morning, and I knocked his block off before breakfast. Sorry…spur of the moment…_

_Kisa: That just leaves Ritsu and Hatori._

_Tohru: Let's take Hatori. I promised Ritsu's mom I would take him to the Gap this Saturday before I… you know._

_Kisa: Okay. It's four o' clock, so that means it about time for him to try to get his laptop to start._

_Tohru: TO THE SOHMA ESTATE!_

_AT THE SOHMA ESTATE_

_Hatori: Perfect. My laptop's grumpy this morning._

_Computer: I don't like you any more. Shutting down._

_Hatori: OH DARN IT!_

_Tohru: (Slaming open door) OKAY HATORI! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO BYE-BYE!_

_Hatori: (Looks at watch) Four o' clock. I forgot that was shootout hour._

_Kisa: (Whiping out a chainsaw) Enough chit-chat pretty boy! It's time to meet you're maker!_

_Tohru: (Whiping out rapier) Hope you like it bloody pall!_

_Hatori: Oh, you girls and your phases._

_Tohru and Kisa: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_

_Hatori: Because obviously, you've forgoten (whips out sholder canon) HOW BIG MY WEAPONS ARE!_

_(Awesomely cool shoot out kind of scene)_

_Tohru: HA! YOU'RE WEAPON SKILLS ARE WEAK! YOU SHALL-_

_(Beeping noise)_

_Tohru: (Pulls out watch) Oh, I'm sorry, I got to go to work. Same time tomorrow then?_

_Hatori: Alright._

_Kisa: Sure!_

_(Tohru skips off)_

_Hatori: (Looking at Kisa) That's a pretty nasty cut you have. Do you want me to have a look at it?_

_Kisa: That's okay. It'll stop bleeding eventually._

---ooo---

"This Manga's AWESOME!" Serenity said as she and Ryo looked at the latest volume of 'Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac'.

"I love it!" Ryo said. "I just wish that there wasn't so much blood and violence."

"This is Manga Ryo," Serenity said.

"Oh, right, I forgo-OH WOW! Look at that awesome book!"

Ryo pointed to a large, dusty, old-appearing book, which had bizarre symbols along the spine, as well as a picture of a black serpent with crimson blood dripping down its jaws.

"It's either something written in the seventies…or a chronicle of absolute evil which has the potential of releasing all the minions of the apocalypse, with all their annihilating iniquity ," said Ryo. "And it's also on the three for two rack."

"Awesome!" said Serenity, taking it down. "This will be an awesome edition to my collection of all things that have the potential to destroy the world!"

"You collect things that have the potential to destroy the world?" Ryo asked.

"Ah, it's a hobby," Serenity said, pulling open the book, past the cover, past the page with the publishing date, past the dedication page to some guy to his mother, to the first page, which had no chapter mark, but cryptic Gothic scrawl written in dark and crimson red.

_Fools!_ said the book. _All who even DARES to LOOK at this book, is forever doomed, DOOMED with the horror of the mistress of malignance, the empress of evil, the lady of languish, the Queen of the Occult!_

"'Queen of the Occult'?" Serenity said. "Oh, yeah right. In the risk of sounding like Seto, I'm saying 'like book on the three for two rack can possibly surface just because we read a page of it'."

"Then in the risk of sounding like Joey, I'm going to say 'BUT IT COULD DESTROY US TOOTH FAIRY! PENGUIN!'" Ryo replied.

"Okay…" Serenity said.

"May I help you?" whispered a dark voice behind them, and both Serenity and Ryo's hair stood up on end. Very slowly, they turned around to face the person who said it.

There stood a woman, who was a solid six feet tall, and was as skinny as a twig. Her eyes were completely black, like they were composed entirely of pupils, and she wore completely black lipstick, a black mini-dress, scratchy leggings, a pair of black combat boots, black spiked bracelets, a long black belt, and a dark grey coat. Her skin was as pale as a ghosts, her black eyeliner made her eyes look even bigger, and her hair was as white as a ghosts with a black headband and black ribbons strewn through her braid, which touched the floor, with a black cross tattoo on her forehead, another weird symbol tattoo on her right cheek, and necklace that had a silver cross on the end.

"Yes…" she said, again in a frightening whisper. "Someone has found the book. At last. It's been so long…so very, very long…"

Serenity and Ryo's eyes were bugged out to the size of picture windows.

"You seemed troubled, my young friends…" said the girl.

"Uh…" Ryo and Serenity said.

"You seem worthy…" she said.

"Nowearen't," said Ryo and Serenity.

"…worthy of the truth…" she continued.

"NOWEAREN'T!" screamed Serenity and Ryo.

"…I will show you…my true form…" said the girl, sliding one finger under the ribbon that held her braid together, gently tugging it out with deliberate listlessness, while unbuttoning her coat with the other one.

"NO! N-N-NO!" Ryo said. "I DON'T THINK IT'S APROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE LOOKING AT TRUE FORMS!"

"Me neither!" Serenity said.

But it was too late. The long, black ribbon flew out, and the coat was thrown off, revealing that the black mini-dress was strapless, and that the girls arms from her wrists to her collar bone was covered in a myriad of black tattoos, all in mysterious shapes and wavy lines that's pattern was the same on both arms.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Serenity and Ryo, as they both turned tails and ran out of the Borders as fast as their legs could carry them, and maybe just a little faster than that.

There was silence as the girl watched them tumble and scamper as far away as possible.

"They shall pay…oh how they shall pay…" she whispered softly.

---ooo---

"La la la la la," Joey sung happily to himself, as he skipped around and shoved cartloads of junky toys into his pockets, because he was too stupid to get a cart. His pockets were now swollen to ten times there size, and the seams were slowly beginning to split apart little by little.

"This is so much fun!" Joey said. "Let's see. I gots a bat for Serenity, an Easy-Bake oven for the nice kid who makes awesome pasta dishes, and a Magical Girl Wand for the Tooth Fairy!"

However, Joey's sub-human instincts suddenly got kicked into full force. For he, Joey wheeler, half man, a smidge girl, and half monkey, was in striking range of the most vicious, bloodthirsty beat that has ever lived on Earth! With scales as sharp as iron, with fangs that can puncture steel, with a tail so long and sinuous that it can knock down a full grown man in one blow, the great beast slunk, silently, and undetected by the human eye, only to be seen in the last moment **OF THEIR DEATH!**

"Pencils?" Joey said, looking around and trying in vain to detect the creature before it was too late, but Joey was a mere mortal, and this creature, THIS CREATURE, **IS BARELY OF THIS EARTH!**

And it attacked! Joey flailed around, hot blood coursing through his veins, sweat pouring down his neck, and his pupils dialated in fear, as the GRUESOME, HORRIFYING, BEAST CAME INTO VIEW AND-

---ooo---

My infamous cliffhangers! MUA HA!

Oh, and don't worry about the Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac little skit. I just once drew a comic of Tohru packing a gun and guarding a bridge, while cleverly ripping off Monty Python, and trying to kill of Serenity and her Shakespearian speaking companion. If you think the following makes no sense…well, YOU'RE RIGHT!

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, the authoress of this story does NOT own Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya, Tohru, Kisa, and Hatori, Easy Bake Ovens, um…is that it? Oh yeah, and Bratislava. That's owned by…the Bratislavians.

Now, part two of the PABC's (Psycho Authoress Broadcasting Company) two-part series, _Nerd: A Two Part Short._

**NERD: A TWO PART SHORT**

Part Two: Our Terrible Future

_The Nerds have planed their invasion. Using their advanced knowledge of cyber robotics, they have successfully created both a horde of robot suits that can withstand most nuclear blasts, as well as create a computer virus that completely destroyed the mainframe to every computer base in both the Americas, most of Europe, and throughout several parts of Asia._

Cathleen, a nerd: So how did the robotic hoard go Bob?

Bob, also a nerd: Pretty good. We made it able to withstand nuclear bomb, inferno temperatures up to eighteen hundred degrees, deflect any and all bullets and missiles, and also added in an AM/FM radio/disc drive/Mp3 file combo in each one. We're even working on ones that come in different colors to give people a variety of different colors by invasion time.

Cathleen: Awesome.

Bob: How's the computer virus going?

Cathleen: Pretty good. So far, we've got it to lock all files and completely disconnect any outside input, including mouse and keyboard, and causing it to pretty much paralyze it's mainframe until initial command from our end users. I just need to translate the message that's supposed to black out the screen except for the words 'You're a bunch of weenies, your mother was a rainbow boa constrictor, and your watches the Russian Ballet' into Sanskrit, Kanji, and Chinese characters.

Bob: Ouch. Tricky.

_And so, the world has officially bended to the will of the overworked, underappreciated nerds, who slowly circle the globe and dismember any forms of resistance in a peaceful like manor. Manga and RPG industries, as well as the nerds, cry victory. However, in other aspects of the world, all is not well in the light of the takeover._

French Designer: (add ridiculous accent) ACH! Ma cherie, zere is nothing we can do. Zese filthy Nierds, with there poo-poo electronical devices, and zer oh-so-special picture books ave completely ruined our salez in zese furs! Zey claim zat it is inhuman to trap animals and tear off their skins and dispose of ze carcasses!

French Lady: (Also with ridiculous accent) Pfut. I hope zey choke on zere own data cables, filthy leettle computer headz.

_And to an extent, the bands of perfume heads have a right to be angry. For the world of the nerds is completely different from the world we live in. First, school is completely different from the norm._

Anouncer: Attention students. In the recent world domination of the nerds around the world, school schedules have now been changed. Art classes are now _required_-

(Nerds cheer, cheerleaders and jocks think 'whatever')

Anouncer:- and Gym can now only be taken by giving up a study hall.

(Nerds scream with joy, jocks and cheerleaders feint)

Anouncer: Also, chess club, computer club, and Manga/Anime club is now duel college credit, while high school sports have been halved.

(Nerds dance with joy, jocks and cheerleaders slip into a state of respiratory arrest)

_And that's not all. Even the Television industry is having drastic changes in television lineup._

Shri: (Reading newspaper) According to this, Cartoon Network and Tech TV are now the top rated stations in the country, and Reality Shows are now shot down to miniscule ratings. On the other hand, The season finale of 'Zatch Bell' is the highest rated show this week…cool.

_Terribly frightening, no? So, the glorious reign of the nerds shall continue for many centuries, old order of the vicious popularity system dying with the passing of time…_

Nerd Girl: Mommy, what's 'Victoria's Secret'?

Mother: Nothing dear. Go play with your new chess set.

_In conclusion, the future of our lives being ruled by the studious both horrifies me and…oddly excites me. In other words, time is running out. We may still be able to curve the impending demise of the world as we know it, but this can only be done by being kind to those who hold the keys to the future in their hands (like actually voting them into Student Council)._

Mean Gym Girl: Oh look, Nerdy's reading in the changing room again. Gawd, does she just go home and study while listening to Christian Music?

Other Girl: She's so weird. Bet she doesn't even have a TV.

Shri: (Thinking) I'm thinking handmaid…wait no, scullery maid for her, and…you know, maybe scullery maid would work on both of them. I'll think about it.

---ooo---

Sorry to scare you with ANOTHER round of that, but it was so much fun!

Oh, sorry, you people probably want your sneak peak now, don't you?

---ooo---

HEY-OW! LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME YOU NERDS!" screamed Seto angrily as he was dragged away to the deepest, darkest corner of Best Buy by the rouge nerds.

"But aren't you a nerd?" a nerd asked.

"NO!" Seto screamed.

"You look like a nerd," said another.

"Yeah, and your ripping out memory cards," said another nerd.

"And you're hanging out at Best Buy," another replied.

"I AM NOT A NERD!" Seto screamed.

"Silence nerd!" said the old crone. "You have been divinely chosen to defeat the horror that has been plaguing our fine store for weeks!"

"Huh?" Seto asked.

---ooo---

Mischief managed.


	24. If I Only Had a Chapter That Has Been Ap

And now for something completely different…

Hi again! Boy…we're made it all the way to the twenty-fourth chapter. What started out as a completely stupid and random idea made it all the way to here.

Reflective pause.

Oh yes, as to you all who are wondering why I'm so darn late, it's because FF dot net is a meanie wienie with a stupid document loading problem! THEY ARE 3VIL! I couldn't load any story chapters at all!Even _with_ my tech support staff!

---ooo---

Shri: Okay, so how are we going to fix this?

Joey: Oh! I gots an idea! (pulls out paper and starts scribbling on it) Dear Santa, I know you are busy because it's gonna be Christmas in six months, but Shri-chan's computer's acting all wonky-

Shri: Not helping.

Serenity: We could write a letter to the system admins.

Shri: Good idea, but let's save that for last. They don't have much staff at FF dot net. Let's ask the tec experts.

Ryo: Well (picks up keyboard) at times like this, I settle for beating it with a keyboard.

Shri: No, I already accidentally destroyed the microphone. Mom's gonna kill me if I ruin anything else.

Seto: (Holding sledgehammer) I was going on different lines myself…

---ooo---

Guess who's suggestion won out?

On a scarier note, my Dad just watched a section of 'Yu-Gi-Oh the Movie', and he's making weird monster to amuse Mom. What's worse is that he watched the Seto vs Pegasus Duel. ACH! (pulls out paddle) He knows too much! Drastic action must be taken!

Okay, now time for the wonderful reviewers!

Funky Egyptian

Cliffhangers are evil but fun, as am I. Congrats on surviving school! (Claps and gives pie) Everyone loves pie!

I am in a constant cycle of writers block and drawers block. I'm just getting over a very nasty case of both. Very nasty. It happened at the same time. AND THIS CONFORKIN' HEAT ISN'T HELPING!

What does conforking mean? I don't know.

This answer is getting too long.

Oh well! Thank you as always for the lovely review!

Dark Princess Saz

I love Furuba, but I think Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac would be just as fun. Tee hee hee.

Seto, king of the nerds (laughs). It makes sense actually. In a weird way…

You're a CEO? AWESOME! I've never heard of Kitsune Corp though, but it sounds like it makes really cool things. Oh, and please don't stop being insane. I'm insane, and I like it! MER HER HER! Enjoy the chappie!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

HOORAY! YOU'RE BACK AGAIN! HU-RAW!

There's a valuable lesson in that. Never reed fanfictions in the library. If you even giggle in the library, you'll get all these weird looks from everyone.

Wheeler Joey's weird. I just thought him up for some stupid reason so the four would have a reason to track down evil stuff in the mall. I'm almost ashamed to admit it.

Though the Serenity quote was fun though. Except I kinda ripped it off from Blackadder.

AS ALWAYS, IT'S GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Thank you so much for the awesome review, and enjoy SUGAAAAAAAAR!

LoneFlyinTigers

Mean FF dot net, not bringing my stories up until the wee hours of the night…

Seto is a special kind of nerd. A very cool one. Cool nerd. Is that an oxymoron? I don't know but it makes sense…kinda…are you as confused as me?

I don't necessarily think that Wheeler was a wuss, more that Joey was kind of a bully. It makes sense now that you think about it. Not like a hard core bully or anything really bad, but you know, an idiot.

Oddly, I think Joey's going to pull this one off by himself. I don't know what's scarier, that idea, or what he's going to do to pull it through. HE'S INSANE I TELL YOU! INSANE!

Duke, sadly, I don't think is coming into this story. But I'm toying with the idea of bringing the Doom Bikers in. I originally wanted only the characters from Duelist Kingdom to come up, but who knows?

Questions never bother me. People tying stakes into their head and singing 'Anything Goes In', however, does. THANK YOU! I hope you luv dis chappie!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

I DIDN'T KILL YUKI, TOHRU DID! (sobs in horrible realization of what she unleashed)

Actually, I think that I'm going to bring Momiji back into the story. HE'S TOO CUTE TO _REALLY_ KILL OFF! So's Yuki…and pretty much everyone else. How did Ayame manage to get out of all of that thought? I dunno, he's as weird as me…

THAT WAS A FUNNY REVIEW AS ALWAYS! You should publish a story consisting of nothing but your reviews. Seriously!

HI MOKUBA! Thanks again for being you! Ha ha! Oh, and thanks for being worried about me! Kien Sorge! I shall be updating all summer! $K00LZ OUT H3CK Y34H! Come back soon!

Bibo-Sama

Our town needs a geek patrol. Our TV's acting all weird…

Yay! I have follow your bad (kidding) example and to have put a Monty Python reference in my story! AAAAAAAAAAAH! PH34R 7H3 PY7H0N!

I'll remember to follow your advice! They are words to live by. HA! Thank you tonzies for the review!

Gothangelmyu

I'm a nerd, and I'm okay! Seto probably is too. That's why I like him. Come to think of it, Ryo is obsessed with RPG's so he is kinda a nerd. And Serenity hates gym, so that kind of makes her a nerd. And Joey's obsessed with card games and food, so he's a nerd too! WE HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE DISCOVERY!

Five of six kids? Ouch, I thought having one little brother was bad enough.

Believe me, I wouldn't mind a nerd ruled world at all.

Thanks for the review!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

This chapter shall be good! I promise.

Seto is a bit of a computer head, isn't he? Oh yeah, the nerd short was fun. But the next short day special I'm working on…may scare you.

Thankie spankies for the review!

ShadowFire 2

Why aren't you supposed to be on? You're grounded?

Everyone likes Best Buy! Thanks for liking this story so much! I hope you got all the reviews I sent to you!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR**

If I Only Had a Chapter That Has Been Appropriately Named Chapter Twenty Four

And it attacked! Joey flailed around, hot blood coursing through his veins, sweat pouring down his neck, and his pupils dialated in fear, as the GRUESOME, HORRIFYING, BEAST CAME INTO VIEW AND-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Joey screamed. "SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

And indeed, a tiny, foot long snake with pretty colors slithered right past Joey, not even caring he was screaming in fright.

"EVIL SNAKE!" Joey said, turning tails and running away, running headlong into the exit door. However, this door was made of a special material that Joey, scary enough, couldn't smash through. The door was locked, so Joey just slammed into it, unable to escape.

He was trapped in the same building as the worlds smallest, cutest, cuddliest, and most harmless snake.

---ooo---

**MEANWHILE, WITH SETO!**

"HEY-OW! LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME YOU NERDS!" screamed Seto angrily as he was dragged away to the deepest, darkest corner of Best Buy by the rouge nerds.

"But aren't you a nerd?" a nerd asked.

"NO!" Seto screamed.

"You look like a nerd," said another.

"Yeah, and your ripping out memory cards," said another nerd.

"And you're hanging out at Best Buy," another replied.

"I AM NOT A NERD!" Seto screamed.

"Silence nerd!" said the old crone. "You have been divinely chosen to defeat the horror that has been plaguing our fine store for weeks!"

"Huh?" Seto asked.

"BRING OUT THE POWER POINT!" said the old women, as a band of nerds connected a small fifteen inch laptop computer to a fifty-four inch plasma TV, and it lit up with the power point, the second in this story, which the first slide consisting of a goddess like figure in an ancient-looking carving.

"Kiesha, ancient goddess of electronic devices created this store," said the old crone. "In her reign, the land was fruitful and full, and everyone prospered, free of impurity and evil."

"Woo-hoo," said Seto.

"But," said the crone, as the slide changed to show a bunch of people in ancient carvings, "soon, the world became impure when people began going against divine laws. Horror ruled the land. Cruelty to others, playing RPG's day and night, over clocking memory cards, it was a mess."

"You're rapidly losing my intrest," Seto said.

"And so, to punish all that have wronged her, she sent off her supreme evil minion, The Laptop of Death!" said the old woman, as the slide showed a modern and blurred photograph of a laptop. "It has terrorized the northern side of the store, destroying everything it sees. The blood of many men now stains it's seventeen inch screen!"

"So?" Seto said.

"The only person who can thwart this terrible beast is the biggest, most oddly dressed nerd that has been for told to come today to destroy the dreaded Laptop of Death…which is you," said the old crone. "YOU ARE THE IKKI-IKKI-"

"Don't start that up again!" Seto yelled. "I don't care _what_ you stupid nerds are going through, I am NOT helping you AT ALL! So you can all just buzz off!"

All the nerds gave Seto huge, chibi eyes behind their glasses.

"OH GOD, GIVE ME A BREAK!" Seto yelled.

Bigger chibi eyes.

"STOP IT!" Seto yelled.

They still stared.

"Grr…alright, but you better all get the heck out of my life after this!" Seto said. "So, do I get some sort of mystical weapon or anything?"

They all shook their heads.

"Has anyone else tried to stop this laptop, and died in the process?" Seto asked.

"Yep!" piped a nerd. "Like, forty of them!"

"Forty?" screamed another. "No way! It had to be at least eighty!"

"More like ninety," said another.

"No, I think it was closer to eighty," said another.

"Eighty?" screamed another. "It was past eighty last week!"

"No it wasn't, it was fifty last week," commented another.

"Well, to my count it was at least one hundred," said another.

"No! It was seventy-three!" cried another.

"No, it was sixty three!" commented another.

"Or was it a solid seventy?" asked another.

Seto just sighed, and turned around to head to the northern part of the store, while all the nerds continued to argue on how many people had died trying to stop the laptop of doom.

"Well this is just peachy," he said to himself.

"I agree. They really should have _some_ sort of ancient weapon they save for the hero. I mean really, haven't these people heard of tradition?"

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" he screamed, turning around to see her sitting on a rack of CDs. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Well, I was reading Manga with Ryo and Serenity at Borders for a while, but then I got bored, so I decided to come here to see if you got yourself into trouble," she said. "And what do you know? I was right."

"What are they doing now?" Seto asked.

"Well, if I read the past chapter right, running away from some mythical queen of darkness which they accidentally unleashed. Or something like that."

**MEANWHILE WITH SERENITY AND RYO**

"S-she didn't follow us, did she?" Ryo asked, cowering behind a shoe rack in a payless shoe store not far from Borders in the mall, which he and Serenity had ran to after being chased (not) by the Queen of the Occult, making absolute fools of themselves in the process.

"Of course she didn't follow us Ryo," said Serenity. "We are in a Payless shoe store. Everyone knows that if there's one thing that creatures of evil hate more than shoe stores, it's discount shoe stores."

"Why?" Ryo asked.

"I don't know. It just is. It gives them bad luck, and makes them extremely unhappy," Serenity explained. "But we can't hide here forever. That horrible creature is loose in an unsuspecting mall. Who knows what horrible crimes she's committing right know!"

---ooo---

"-and so Arthur, he's my husband by the way, Arthur goes down to work again on our honeymoon, and he leaves me and our five kids alone with this wonderful dinner that I spent two days to prepare, and he just leaves! I can't get it off my mind! Oh, he apologized an' all, but I just can't help feeling that I deserve a little more for my physical and emotional pain! Am I being too selfish? Or do you think I deserve something from all of this?"

"Well, that's a very difficult question," said the Queen of the Occult to the rambling cashier at Gertrude Hawkins. "I really feel that your husband should hear your concerns, and them ask if he would go out to dinner. I'm sure once he understands how hurt you are, he'll take you to a nice place and buy you a nice dinner."

"Oh thank you, you're a lifesaver!" she said. "Here's your raspberry filled chocolates. Oh, by the way, do you want to see pictures of our kids?"

"Oh yes please," said the Queen of the Occult, as the weirdo cashier who had way too much hairspray in that made her hair huge.

---ooo---

"SHE'LL KILL EVERYONE IN THE STORE!" said Ryo.

"We have to appease her!" said Serenity. "I've got the book, so all we have to do is figure out how to suck her back into it. It's our fault she's been unleashed, so it's our job to ununleash her!"

"Who's ununleashing who?" said a chilling voice behind her, as the Queen of the Occult suddenly appeared behind them, casting a dark and scary shadow on them both.

"What are you doing here?" Serenity said. "Weren't you at the Gertrude Hawkins at the other side of the store five paragraphs back?"

"That doesn't matter," said the Queen of the Occult evilly. "All that matters is that very soon, I shall take what I have came for from both of you. And if you don't cooperate, you shall pay…ever so dearly…"

"So what's the plan?" Ryo frantically whispered.

"Well, it involved a short, shocked exclamation, grabbing your arm, running comically into a shoe rack, sending a bunch of shoes flying all around in every direction, clumsily scrambling to get out of the chaos, then charging out the door screaming like a little kid," said Serenity. "How does it sound?"

"Pretty good," said Ryo. "But can we do without the running into the shoe rack?"

"No, no, no, the shoe rack is physical comedy that lightens up and otherwise overly tense mood," said Serenity.

"Can we at least leave out the shoulder grabbing?" Ryo asked.

"Well…okay," said Serenity. "Ready?"

"Uh huh."

"OH GOD!" she screamed, and the rest of the scene commenced.

**MEANWHILE WITH JOEY**

As our idiotic friend hid in fear behind a shelf of plush toys in the girl section of the toy store, the tiny, adorable snake slid past, not bothering Joey or anyone else. However, Joey's stupidity impulse could not be ignored.

So during his mad dash to safety, he grabbed the book, A Field Guide to Incredibly Dangerous Snakes by Herum Slytherin(1997 Random House Publisher, all rights reserved). He quickly flipped through the book in panic to try to find out what kind of monster this snake is. Oddly, he found the snake's picture in an article, which read thus:

**LESSER CUDDLE SNAKE**

_Notis Anacondais_

_This snake is not a dangerous snake at all, and in fact, it makes great pets for kids, being incredibly affectionate, soft, harmless, and even having the ability to complete minor household chores. We don't know why we even put it in this book. Oh yeah, we do. We had a free page, and we got really lazy and didn't feel like looking up information on another snake, so we just said 'Oh what the heck, just put in this snake as a joke'._

Unfortunately, Joey can't read.

"AH! IT'S A DANGEROUS SNAKE!" screamed Joey. "This is terrible! I need to recapture this beast before it can hurt anyone! But how?"

"Hey Mommy, I bought a Lesser Cuddle Snake!" said a little boy in the background, holding up a cardboard box. "If it somehow got loose, how do you catch it and put it back in it's box?"

"Thinking, thinking," Joey said deep in thought, scratching his head.

"Oh that's easy sweetheart," said his mother. "I am an expert snake hunter, and I know everything there is to know about trapping not-dangerous snakes!"

"Who could possibly know this?" Joey cried. "IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"You see, Lesser Cuddle Snakes love the sound of bells!" said the Mom. "All you have to do is ring one, and the Lesser Cuddle Snake will come slithering right to you, and he will be completely calm and tame, presenting no problem whatsoever in catching him and putting him in some kind of case!"

"IMPOSIBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!" screamed Joey.

"Thanks Mommy!" said the little boy. "Now I understand how to catch the Lesser Cuddle Snake, which I didn't know how to do before! Boy, even an idiot can do that!"

"WAIT!" Joey cried. "I HAVE AN IDEA!"

**FOUR MINUTES LATTER**

"Here Snaky, Snaky, Snaky," said Joey, hiding behind a display of sports balls, holding a string which was tied to a stick which held up a box which had a lollypop under it that was the bait for the trap. "Come and get the suuuuuugaaaaaaar."

Joey's plan consisted of waiting until the Lesser Cuddle Snake slid along the floor to the box to get the lollypop. He wouldn't suspect anything because Joey was hiding and the string was the same color as the floor. Then, while the snake was enjoying his treat, Joey would pull the string, and the box would fall down on top of the snake, trapping him.

And so the snake came sliding across the semi-dirty tile flooring, suddenly spotting the lollypop lying on the ground under the box. Just like as Joey predicted, he slithered over to the box, and began licking the lollypop with its long tongue.

"HA!" Joey cried triumphantly, pulling the string, which caused the snake to become trapped under the box. "I knew my incredibly cunning plan would work!"

---ooo---

"Hey Mommy," the little boy asked outside the store, "if the snake got loose, instead of using a bell, couldn't we just bait it?"

"Well, we could," said the Mom. "However, there is one thing that you must never use as bait. Sugar. Snakes are the animals that are most prone to sugar highness. When they get sugar high, it's ten times worse than anything that can happen to a human. They completely lose control over their body and mind, and they have the potential to destroy anything in there path."

"Wow, that would make and awesome fanfic chapter," said the little boy.

---ooo---

Just as Joey 'ha'ed triumphantly, the Lesser Cuddle Snake suddenly broke a whole clean through the box, and hissed wildly at open air. It flailed around in the box so powerfully that Joey was thrown off and sent speeding into a nearby wall at on hundred miles per hour, until her crashed rather painfully into it, leaving a bunch of cracks behind.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, running around in circles, being utterly confused, as well as stupid. However, he managed to regain what little sanity coursed through his veins, and tried once again to slam into the door in the front entryway, only to again feel the effects of the slam-proof material.

"I'LL NEVER GET OUT!" he screamed, pounding one of the double-doors with all his might. However, the person right next to him followed the directions of the sign over the door, which said 'pull', and walked out.

"YES!" Joey cried, running out through the space in the door with a mad dash, while the sugar-high Lesser Cuddle Snake managed to smash right through the slam-proof door.

"Hooray! I saved the store!" Joey said happily, as the snake began destroying everything in its wake, as an innocent populous in the mall scattered and screamed at the top of their lungs.

**MEANWHILE WITH SETO**

"Here we are," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins cheerfully as she and Seto entered a part of the store that was littered with broken computer parts, skulls, and light fixtures, which created a sinister layer of purely dead matter strewn across the floor. The lights flickered on and off, and most were out permanently, creating a very dark atmosphere, as well as the fact that a layer of fog slowly drifted upwards towards them. Tape recordings of crows and owls echoed eerily in the background.

"Oh great, the authoress has gone out of the way to make a moor setting," said Seto. "Honestly, I hate this story."

"We should be looking for clues to where this horrible laptop is," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "There has to be some somewhere."

"I'm sure that huge laptop that has blood dripping from its CD-RW drive that's running toward us at uncalculated speeds probably would be in a step in the right direction," said Seto sarcastically.

"Yeah, I guess," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, as the laptop leaped into the air, and dive bombed right toward the two.

"Let's get this over w-" Seto said, until he got tackled down by the laptop, which was attacking him and going straight for his neck. So resulted a horrific battle between one of the most ferocious mythical laptops known to man, and…Seto. Seto tried desperately to fight back, but the laptop had the strength of ten men, really nasty, sharp corners, and it was equipped with all the basics needed for victory. Mouse for strangling, keyboard for flogging, web cam to send humiliating photos to every citizen on the Pacific Coast, that kind of thing. It was very obvious who would take round one.

"Didn't win, did you?" asked Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, as Seto dragged himself away from the fight scene, with huge scratches all over his body, torn clean through his clothes.

"Gee, I can't feel my spine, I think my arms broken in three places, and I'm tasting my own blood. WHAT DO YOU THINK?" he screamed.

"I think I have a plan," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, "but you're going to have to-"

"Shut up," said Seto, dragging himself back to the fight scene. "This thing is way too powerful. I'm sticking to my strengths, and my strengths don't include asking tactical advice from inanimate objects."

"Fine, just don't die, it's way to much paperwork," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Oh well, I guess this is going to fit into Seto's traditional 'hard lesson' formats."

**SEVERAL FIGHT SCENES LATTER**

"Are you done being stubborn?" asked Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"NO!" Seto screamed, his face in the dirt, even more beaten up than before.

"Too bad. You're not learning any valuable lesson fast enough, and I'm sick of you not caring that about the fact that you're being mauled by a laptop," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Use the web cam."

"Use the what?" Seto asked.

"The web cam!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Come on, put it all together."

"Oh," Seto said in realization, managing to pick himself back up and walk toward the laptop fight scene. The keyboard typed by itself, sending a message across the screen that said 'have you had enough?'

"No, you stupid laptop," said Seto, and with one quick movement, flipped on the web cam.

'What was that for you stupid h-'

But the evil laptop couldn't finish it sentence. Its server completely melted down…thanks to the infamous Seto Kaiba death glare.

"HOORAY!" cried a band of nerds, suddenly emerging from the gloom.

"THEY WERE HERE ALL ALONG?" screamed Seto.

"Duh," Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said.

"Hail the great hero!" cried the old crone, arms spread upwards in joined. "His name shall be known forever! Songs shall be sung about him! Tales shall be told about him! EVERY CHILD SHALL KNOW H-"

"Yeah yeah lady, that wasn't part of the deal!" said Seto. "All of you promised to get out of my life forever, and I don't see it happening, SO BEAT IT!"

"Huh?" everyone asked.

"That's right, beat it! Get out of hear ya stinkin' turbo nerds!" screamed Seto. "All of you! Right now! Go away!"

"Aw," all the nerds sighed, walking away.

"It's a shame really," said one nerd. "All that fame, all that respect, and he just threw it away. It's sad."

"Yeah," said another. "We'll just say that Bob did it!"

So as Seto and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins left the battlefield forever, a bunch of nerds sung and danced in celebration of the victory of Bob Vitcuas, a very lucky nerd.

**MEANWHILE, WITH SERENITY AND RYO**

"Serenity," Ryo said weakly. "I'm tired. I've covered in bruises from all the stuff we ran into during the chase scene. It's getting really late in the chapter, and we still need to do the rap up. Can't we just stop?"

"But the Queen of the Occult might kill us!" Serenity said.

"I'm feeling…kinda dead…" Ryo said, sinking to the floor.

"Ryo!" Serenity cried. "On no. The first has fallen in the wake of the Queen of the Occult. WHO'S NEXT? WHO?"

"You," said the Queen, and Serenity turned around in shock to see the Queen of the Occult right behind her. "You have something I want Serenity. I want it back…very badly…"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY SOUL WITHOUT A FIGHT, YOU UNHOLY SCUM!" screamed Serenity.

"What?" the Queen of the Occult asked.

"I'LL RUN YOU THROUGH WITH THIS SILVER CROSS I BOUGHT AT THE DOLLAR STORE!" Serenity yelled, holding one up.

"Are you okay?" the Queen of the Occult asked.

"Aren't you…here…for my…uh, soul?" Serenity asked uneasily.

"I'm here for the book you stole, you stupid shop lifter," said the Queen of the Occult.

"WHAT?" Serenity screamed.

"That book," the girl said, pointing to the 'evil book' Serenity had in her arms. "You didn't pay for it. You just ran screaming when I caught you. So hand over the book, or you're going to be in even more trouble when I call the police."

"NO! I'm not a shoplifter!" Serenity said. "I thought you were…uh, I know this sounds really stupid…I thought you were, um, going to hurt us and take over the world?"

"Why?" she asked.

"This book said that whoever even looked at it would release the Queen of the Occult, and I thought it was stupid, but then you came around saying that it's been 'so long since anyone's looked at that book'!" Serenity cried.

"Well it has," said the girl. "I was beginning to think that we were never going to sell it!"

"But…but then you got all creepy and showed us 'you're true form'!" Serenity cried.

"Oh these," said the girl. "I've had them for a long time. I was thinking about getting them removed, and I wanted someone to give me their opinion. So I chose you two."

"BUT THE FLIPPIN' BOOK SAID SOMEONE WAS GOING TO DESTROY THE WORLD!" Serenity screamed.

"Turn to page two," said the girl, as Serenity flipped open the book.

"'Ha ha, just kidding'," Serenity read. "'And now, we're going to learn how to make a lovely spice rack'."

"Yep," said the girl.

Serenity turned into a big, fat, embarrassed chibi.

"S-sorry…" she said.

"I'll just take the book back, and call this a misunderstanding," said the girl.

"Thank…you…" said Serenity, handing it over, as the Borders girl walked away.

"Well, I think I learned a lesson from all of this," said Ryo.

"Yep," said Serenity. "This is the last time I jump to conclusions."

"HI SETO!" Ryo screamed cheerfully, waving violently as Seto walked into the scene.

"Nice Ryo," said Seto sarcastically. "Where's Joey? Is he dead?"

"NO SETO!" Joey screamed, with Wheeler Joey by his side. "I HAVE DISCOVERED WHO WAS BEHIND ALL OF THIS CHAOS THAT WE HAVE ENDURED!"

"Darn, he's not," Seto said.

"Wait, this was planed?" Ryo asked.

"Yes!" Joey screamed. "The true person was-"

He threw a tied up middle-aged woman into the middle of the fray.

"MY KINDERGARTEN ENGLISH TEACHER!" screamed Joey.

"Alright! I admit it!" screamed the insane woman. "I hate you Joey Wheeler! YOU SPENT FOUR YEARS, _FOUR STINKIN' YEARS _IN MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS! You wouldn't leave…you just got worse and worse…you got stupider, I swear, until one day, I had enough. All my suffering was to be repaid! So I misread the name of this mall, thinking it was YOURS, and I decided to sabotage it, but then YOU came along, and I realized my mistake. But I nearly got you. I NEARLY GOT ALL OF YOU!"

"Thank you so much for your help," said Wheeler Joseph. "Joey, I owe you my sincerest apologies for causing you so much trouble, and I hope that I can someday thank you."

"It was still fun to kick your butt in kin-"

"QUIET!" Ryo, Seto, and Serenity screamed.

"And I would have gotten away with it too!" screamed the teacher. "If it weren't for you…meddling kids and your stupid dog!"

"Ruh-raow?" said a confused Red Dog in the background.

"ARGGH! ALL GET YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!" she screamed as she was dragged off by the police.

"Well, it can't get any more random than that," said Serenity, just as two cops tackled Joey against the wall, twisted his arms behind his back, and handcuffed him.

"Joey Wheeler, you are under arrest for stealing the Mona Lisa, the Hope Diamond, for being an unlicensed idiot out of season, and…oh yeah, we hate you," said one police officer. "You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you. You have a right to an attorney-"

"Whoa," said Serenity, as Joey laughed like a mindless lunatic while being thrown into the back of a police car. "I stand corrected. It can't get any more random than _that_."

"Jeez, it figures," Seto said. "I started off thinking this was going to be quick and easy, but nooooo, I get caught in the most random, stupid fanfic know to man. It wasn't like I was suspecting the Spanish Inquisition."

And with that, a dramatic, background 'BUM!' sounded, and three cardinals ran into the scene out of nowhere.

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" screamed one of them.

"Oh God, it can," said Serenity.

"Seto Kaiba!" screamed one, threatening him menacingly. "You have been charged with…heresy!"

"I knew this was coming eventually," said Seto.

"SHUT UP!" said another, glomping him with a large cross.

"Take him to…THE COMFY CHAIR!" screamed the leader, as the two other cardinals dragged him off.

"I have no regrets!" Seto cried, as he was totted off to the dreaded comfy chair.

"Oh geez!" Serenity cried. "Joey's heading toward a federal jail, and Seto's heading to some remote torture chamber! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"

"What can anyone do…BUT SING?" Ryo cried.

"Huh?" Serenity asked.

"HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER, HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IH-HI-IN-" Ryo sang into a microphone that appeared out of nowhere, with the rest of Crowded House playing behind him.

"Oh great!" screamed Serenity. "Now what am I gonna d-"

**WE INTERUPT THIS FANFICTION CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS TO BRING YOU BREAKING NEWS**

"Hello. I am Mike Roberts," said a news reporter. "This just in. World War Nine has officially begun. Yes, I know it's rather confusing, but for some strange reason, everyone wanted to take a miss on World Wars Three through Eight, and skip straight to nine. Don't ask me why. They just did. BUT WHO CARES! Let's see which celebrities are getting married this week."

"Yes," said Paris Hilton on a TV screen behind the news reporter. "I have decided to marry this cabbage, a very lovely head of cabbage by the way, who is heir to the Green Giant empire-"

**WE INTERUPT THIS INTERUPTION OF THE INTERUPTED FANFICTION THAT IS IN PROGRESS BUT IS CURRENTLY BEING INTERUPTED FOR BREAKING NEWS FROM THE DESK OF THE AUTHORESS**

Shrilanka: Hello. I am Shrilanka-San, current writer of this fan fiction, and pending oppressive dictator of the obscure eastern European country of Katsurtarvania. We have recently suffered a massive breakdown on the Randomness Limitation Processing System, or RLPS, that keeps this entire story somewhat sane. Since it has been working on a strenuous level in preparation for the upcoming extreme drama chapter, coming soon of course, and the fact that I forgot to check its batteries, it has had a massive meltdown, but will be fixed by next chapter. We are terribly sorry by the very shocking footage in this story that you have just seen, and now, to the current general knowledge, Paris Hilton is not engaged to a cabbage…yet. Again, we are sorry for the inconvenience, and as a basic idea for what should have happened at the end of this chapter, Serenity and her friends walk off into the sunset, and everything's going well, until the make camp, and this mysterious Flying, Fuzzy Bunny comes with a ominous message for-

(_Tohru Honda, Kisa Sohma, and Hatori Sohma bust in_)

Kisa: THERE! That's her! She's the one who made fun of us!

Tohru: GET HER!

Shri: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (_all run around and crash into things, destroying the press room_) STOP THE CAMERA! (_tries to cover camera_) STOP THE CAMEARA! STOP THE CAM-

_BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP_

---ooo---

MER HER HER! That was fun.

Okay, a few things we need to get out of the way. **YOU BETTER ALL BE READING THIS, BECAUSE IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!**

Right. I was thinking that (maybe) as a special little treat after the terrifically horrible drama chapter that's coming up, I was going to do something different by taking in peoples ideas, and making a whole bunch of shorts into a chapter. Does it sound stupid? I was thinking about it, and it kind of sounded like fun. Maybe…you'll all get credit, of course. I just thought it was kind of a cool idea. If you don't like it, feel free to tell me.

OKAY! Now, for a super special list! First…an introduction…

**INTORDUCTION**

Shri: Little brother, mom said it's time to turn off the TV.

_(Little Brother walks up, dressed in a wizard robe with a wizard hat on, a bath robe over all of it)_

Shri: May I ask you why you're dressed like that?

Brother: Felt like it (_pulls out deck_) DUEL ME!

Shri: No! I don't duel people who are dressed like girls!

Brother: AAAAAAAAAW!

Shri: Then again…pretty much everyone else on the show dresses like a girl…so maybe…nah…

Brother: OH! I GOT AN IDEA! Let's make a list of all the girly men in Yu-Gi-Oh!

Shri: That'd be a long list…

**THE TOP FIVE GIRLIEST MEN IN YU-Gi-OH**

PrintLittle Brother

_ItalicsShrilanka-San_

#5 PEGASUS: He's got a really girly hairdo. _Yeah, and the matching colored outfits…somehow, that screams feminine to me. Or am I just being critical? Oh, and the white, pointy dress shoes._

#4 DARTZ: He's got another really girly hairdo. Plus, he has big, fat, girly eyelashes. _He defiantly uses mascara. And also, he wears a dress. A _dress_. I don't care if they look like robes. There dresses I telya. And what's with those girly boots? And those eye-color changing contact lenses?_

#3 ODION: He's got a ponytail. I've seen guys with ponytails. Cool and creepy. _Especially when they have beards to go with it. Again with the dress thing. And the mascara. And he probably wears eyeliner too._

#2 MARIK: He's wearing a midriff for crying out loud! I mean really, guys wearing midriffs? It's totally creepy. Ditto to the eyeliner and mascara thing. _I bet he curls and bleaches that girly hair of his._

#1 ALISTAR: He wears a midriff, a dress (some call it a trench coat), has huge green girly eyes, wears makeup I bet, and has a feminine hairdo. WE ALL LOVE THE GIRLY MAN! _I really did think he was a girl. It took me until his duel with Seto to figure out otherwise .X. Oh dang, we forgot Yami. Dang, Kaiba too._

---ooo---

Ladies and Gentlemen, undeniable proof that the entire family is insane!

Oh yes, before I forget, I don't own any of the stores mentioned in the mall at all. Just to get that out of the way. I also don't own Paris Hilton, the Spanish Inquisition sketch from Monty Python, or 'Don't Dream it's Over' by Crowded House (the ORIGINAL one! WITH the British People!)

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT A PREVIEW?

---ooo---

"Serenity! The Tooth Fairy's gone!" Joey cried.

"Gone?" Serenity asked.

"Uh huh!" Joey said. "I woke up this morning, and he was gone! Gone! GOOOOOOOONE!"

"Yes Joey, no need for repetition," Serenity said. "Next question. Why are you threatening a rock?"

"HE KNOWS SOMETHING!" Joey screamed. "ALRIGHT! TELL ME WHERE THE TOOTH FAIRY IS! TELL ME!"

The rock did nothing.

"THEN PERHAPS BEING HIT WITH A BUNCH OF DAISIES WILL CHANGE YOU'RE TUNE!" screamed Joey, pulling out a bunch of daisies, smacking the rock with them repeatedly hitting it with them.

---ooo---

(Insert Monty Python theme song here)


	25. If I Only Had a Huge Helping of Chum

We, my friends, are living in the Golden Age of Idiocy.

Okay, pre-note. Thank you so much to the people who reviewed me with ideas for shorts, but they were so few, I decided if I just took all the ideas I got and made them into one shots, it would be easier. Now that it's summer, I've have much more time on my hands, so I'll get on them as soon as I can. I'll keep up with this story to, so don't worry.

And remember, due to the fact that the FF dot net system admen just love to make my life miserable, chapter 24 was super late. So make sure you read it before proceeding onto this work of insanity.

Alright! Enough with the boredom! Hello! It's great to see my lovely readers again! By the way, speaking of the lovely readers, it's review time!

Funky Egyptian

WOO-HOO! Pie! Dancing ducks! It's all good.

Boy, I'm glad that last heat wave that blew by is over. It was belting nineties every day, WITH humidity, and there was a thunderstorm every night, so you couldn't turn on fans OR open the windows! I was hoping I would melt, then maybe I could cool down.

Anyway, I'm ranting. THANK YOU! My little brother really thought up the list, I just commented. I really did think Alister was a girl…

Thank you so much for being so nice, the congradulations, and listening to my rant! HWAY!

LoneFlyinTigers

Computers have personalities. It's a fact.

Well, Seto's fought pretty much everything else in this story, so it only makes sense that he'd save a vast colony of nerds from an evil laptop…I think…

Well, Wheeler Joseph does kind of fit the 'least mentioned about Scooby Doo bad guy' motif, but I thought having a random character appearing out of nowhere being the culprit was much more fun.

Well…at times I wonder about getting arrested for being an idiot, because don't a lot of bad things come from stupidity? I mean really, it makes sense.

Thank you fro the congrats!

Thank you so much for the review! Enjoy this one too, it's pretty funny.

Kiwigirl89

Yay! Your back!

Let's face it, for being a show originally for boys, there are a lot of feminine men. That's okay though. I like guys that look like girls. It always makes for a thrill when one of my friends is drawing one of their favorite characters and they say 'he make me laugh because he looks very feminine', and you scream back 'HE?'

I didn't know I used your real name. Huh. Weird.

Don't worry. This story's starting to borderline stretch on length, but they'll be in Oz by chapter twenty-eight! On the downside, chapter twenty-seven is…the big bad drama (ish) chapter!

Who's it going to be? Hint, the Wizard is a Minor character.

TANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

Gothangelmyu

OF COURSE! (slaps head) How could we be stupid enough to forget Duke? Major brain dead moment! He probably is a girl…but then, he like Serenity. WHAT IF HE'S…AHH! BAD THOUGHTS!

Okay, anyway, sorry for spazing. You're completely right.

Anyway, THE SETO DEATH GLARE! Largely inspired by the one my Dad possesses! The kindergarten teacher came about because I never forget those kids in school who are dumber than a sack of driveway pavement, and how bad they must have been when they were little. And really, wouldn't it have been less shocking if Serenity, Seto, or Ryo found that someone was behind it instead of Joey? But yeah, it was mostly random…

The Queen of the Occult is one of my better ideas. I just love situations when things are getting misinterpreted. One of the higher forms of humor.

YOUR SO NICE! And thank you!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

HI AGAIN! I love Alister's trench coat. It looks cool.

The midriff may be a bit of a push, but I so love the gloves too.

Seto…pink…(Thinks) no, cant put them together. It must have been quite a site to behold.

I'm not sure how much my parents would like the dubbed version of Yu-Gi-Oh. Maybe they would…my Dad loves cartoons. But then they tend to do things that scars innocent mortal minds. Have you seen your father break out in dance to the 'Evergirl's' theme song? IT'S NOT PLEASANT!

Guess who's coming in this chapter…I WON'T TELL! IT'S A SURPRISE! Okay, thank you as usual for your review! WEEE!

Run Kaiba, run…

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

I'm glad someone liked the sugar high snake bit. Joey finally bails himself out a bad situation. This is a monumental moment of some sort.

You know, I think everyone thought Alister was a girl when they first saw him. I was actually kind of hoping for it. The Doom Bikers would be a lot cooler if they had some kick-butt female killers (other than Mai).

I always imagined how cool it would be if Alister had a girlfriend who went off to kill Seto for what Alister thought he did to his (Alister's) brother. I just wish I could frame that scene in which Seto would just wake up, and he'd be staring down the barrel of a shotgun in the hands of an enraged girl

Oh jeez, I'm ranting. I actually more than halfway done with A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots, the sequel to The Heart of the Idiots. Also, a third is in the planning stages.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANOTHER NICE REVIEW! Kudos to you!

Bibo-Sama

NOT THE SCARY DRIVER'S TEST OF DOOM! (Inserts road rage background music) Woot! Good luck on the road.

Next year I learn how to drive. Next year. It will happen.

HWAY FOR THE SPANISH INQUISITION! You thought that was funny, wait for the other subtle Monty Python references. Can you get hyper from being bored? Probably. THANK YOU AS ALWAYS!

Dark Princess Saz

Good luck stealing Jesse McCarthny's soul! Maybe Kitsune Corp can make…good quality…um, INSANITY! Yeah! I'd buy some!

NOT THE SPANISH INQUISITION! They're everywhere! Just like my spelling errors!

Paris Hilton is _really _scary. I once heard on the radio that she once threw down a menu at a restaurant, saying she didn't understand why she had to read it. She doesn't read menus. She's too lazy to read menus. She doesn't need to read menus. God, it must be great to be rich.

Tohru Honda…she's everywhere, so be good or she'll get you. That sounds like something that I'd say to a little kid I'd babysit to get them to go to sleep and such.

THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

L-Chan the Insignificant

That was such a nice review! Thank you so much for being so nice!

I wuv ASV. I think almost everyone does. In my fanfics that I write at home and don't post online, the character ASV is based on, as well as Mobster, are all best friends. Kind of creepy, but also very fun. I plan to bring the other member of the trio in latter chapters.

How can you disobey anything that cute? I mean really, my conscience is a huge Amazon-like warrior queen with a huge sword.

THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEW! You made me so happy! To me, you're far from insignificant.

ShadowFire2

Thank you for the review!

Oh yeah, Joey's obsessively subtle crush on Mai sound like a perfectly funny fic! That'll be my next one shot. And without further adue…

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**AND NOW, WE ARE PLEASED TO PRESENT, THE FOREWARD**

Serenity: Hello everyone. I am Serenity Wheeler, and I shall be hosting the forward of this chapter of the much admired online comedy, more or less, The Wizard of Cuz. Oh yes, and Joey's here too.

Joey: ASPARAGUS! (salutes)

Serenity: Um, okay. As you know, the RLPS of this story broke down, but thanks to the work of our team of technicians, who incidentally are all fuzzy bunnies, we have managed to get the system back online, as well as access a prewritten chapter, due to the fact that the authoress of this story is now suffering various wounds inflicted by homicidal characters from Shoju Manga.

Joey: Hatori was cute…

Serenity: Hatori's a guy Joey.

Joey: Uh…Hatori's not the orange head?

Serenity: That's _Kisa _stupid.

Joey: Oh…

Serenity: Anyway, the system is back online, and everything is back on schedule. We are terrifically sorry for any inconveniences on viewing so much random chaos in one sitting.

Joey: Do any of you have Ha-Kisa's number?

Serenity: So basically, we all made it out of the store alive, and within miles of Cuz, we settle down at camp for the night. However, we soon found out that we aren't going to get to Cuz this chapter, and now-

Ryo: Hey! (_walks in_) You're doing the forward without me!

Serenity: Ryo, calm down-

Ryo: YOU PEOPLE NEVER INVITE ME TO AN-NEE-THING! WAAAAAAH!

(_Ryo starts sobbing uncontrollably, and Joey suddenly starts crying to_)

Serenity: (_yelling over the rest_) Oh jeez! Just start the chapter already!

---ooo---

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE**

If I Only Had a Huge Helping of Chum

"Tooth Fairy..."

POKE POKE POKE.

"Toooooooooooooth Fairy…"

SMACK POKE SMACK.

"WAKE UP TOOTH FAIRY!"

"YOU STUPID MUTT!" screamed Seto angrily, standing bolt upright with a bed head. "Can't you see _intelligent _people are trying to sleep?"

"But Tooth Fairy, it's time for you to watch!" Joey said.

"No it's not, tiny, tiny brain," snarled Seto, poking Joey's hallow skull. "Serenity takes first watch, then comes you. After you, it's _Ryo's _turn to take watch, then _he_ will wake _me_ up, and then it will be _my _turn to take watch."

"But I tried to wake up Ryo, Tooth Fairy!' said Joey. "But he got really mean…"

**FOURTY SEVEN SECONDS AGO**

"RYO!" Joey said, poking Ryo's back. "RYO RYO REE-YO! IT'S YOUR TURN TO-"

"SLAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, picking up a huge plastic battle axe he found in the prop room, and bashed Joey on the head with it.

---ooo---

"You can't even wake _Ryo _up," said Seto. "You're patheticness Joey, seems to grow and blossom every day, and every day, I seem to bear witness to the bloom of the next flower in your victory garden of supreme idiocy!"

Joey needed about thirty seconds to process all the big words.

"RYO! THE TOOTH FAIRY SAYS HE WON'T TAKE WATCH FOR YOU!" Joey called.

"BLOODY SLAUGHTER!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, this time with a real axe.

"OKAY! OKAY!" Seto said, not wanting to be cut into tiny little meat strips.

"Kay, night Mommy," Ryo muttered, falling back down to sleep again.

Seto just stared for a moment.

"NIGHT MOMMY!" screamed Joey, who also fell to the floor, and fell asleep.

Seto, not a stranger to being alone amidst the three weirdest people in the world, just sat back, this being the second time he was stuck taking watch and being viewed by the audience at the same time. Oh the misery he must feel, always being the center of all the horror that takes place in this story. How that was all going…to get worse.

"You're stupidness," said a very prim voice behind him, as Seto glanced behind him to see the worst thing he could possibly see.

It was a flying, fuzzy bunny.

---ooo---

Meanwhile, in a remote, government controlled headquarter in Washington DC, the organization STUPID, Supplementary Tactical Unraveling and Persecution of Insane Delinquents, cleverly disguised as a common Home and Garden store, all is not well. The day started easy enough, with the head of the department, a man that shall be known as Mr. Jim, was busy monitoring all major points of interest around the world.

"OWCH! MY LEG!" screamed some random guy on TV.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHEEHOHAHA!" screamed Mr. Jim, sitting behind a big, fancy looking desk personalized with Happy Meal Toys, Mini-Beanie Babies, and several random trinkets given to him by his girlfriend named Billy Joe, accompanied by his trusted associate (lackey), Mr. X. "This is some funny stuff, ain't it?"

"Yes sir," said Mr. X, possessing no mind of his own.

"I HATE IT!" screamed Mr. Jim.

"Me too sir," said Mr. X.

"Mr. Jim," said a lady's voice over the intercom, "a special agent just came in. He said that he has important information which needs to be brought to your attention."

"WHAT? MORE OF THEM FILTHY ENVIRONMENTALISTS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "Don't they ever take a hint? I don't have time for their wishy-washy, bleeding heart, 'we could cause the extinction of ten different species by installing advanced seek-and-destroy military probes on wildlife reservations' bull! I tell ya, if we got cats, and we got dogs, and we got cows, who the heck cares! I mean, how many people are going to cry when they hear 'oh wah, a fancy duck has died' and 'oh wah, some species of squirrel has died' garbage?"

"Sir, this is much more important news, regarding one of the most wanted of your cases!" said the lady.

"WHAT?" screamed Mr. Jim. "Oh, well, that's different, tell him to come in."

"Right away sir," said the woman's voice, as Mr. Jim switched off the TV. The second he did, the huge door to his office opened, and into the room walked in Pikachu in a blazer and a pair of sunglasses, carrying a huge manila folder about his size that was labeled 'top secret'.

"OH MY GOD! WE HIRED A YELLOW RAT?" screamed Mr. Jim, Pikachu not flinching (he was used to it by now).

'Technically, he's more closely related to the pika, a small rodent that is native to China and many parts of the Rocky Mountains sir," said Mr. X in a hallow, dead kind of voice.

"HE'S A BLOODY RAT!" screamed Mr. Jim. "Jeez! In MY day, we didn't just hire up some mangy old rat we found lying off the street. OH NO! You know what we hired X?"

"Potatoes sir?" said Mr. X, used to this speech before.

"Yes, potatoes!" said Mr. Jim, picking up a photograph on his desk where a son or daughter should be, looking fondly at the image of him with his arm slung around a guy with a potato for a head. "Ah! Those were the days! When you were working with a potato, you NEVER lost a man! NEVER! Oh, right there's Rob. God, what a man with a potato for a head! He was the best! He could take a hit! He could track down the man you wanted. He _knew_ where the cappuccino machine was. And boy, don't get me started on how awesome the _rutabagas_ were-"

"Sir, he says he has important information on the whereabouts of the most dangerous, most psychotic, and most hot albino criminal in the Western world sir," said Mr. X.

"NO WAY!" screamed Mr. Jim.

"It is rather shocking sir," said Mr. X.

"How do you know he said that?" Mr. Jim said. "The filthy rat didn't say a single word!"

"I just know these things when it comes to small, cuddly animals sir," said Mr. X. "I'm a bit of a 'Bambi' buff."

"Whatever, who's this shmoe again?" asked Mr. Jim.

"Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X.

Insert dramatic 'BUM BUM BUM' here.

"RYU BARABUS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "OH MY GOD! We have now time to lose! We have to surround everyone, everywhere, with everything we got. Do you hear me? EVERYTHING! Bombs, nuclear missiles, heat sensor death rays, egg beaters, WASHER/DRYERS-"

"Pi Pikachu!" said Pikachu.

"He says that he's pinpointed the location of Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X. "He requests both money and resources to hunt down the delinquent.

"Yeah, sure, but we should scramble the Washer/Dryers anyway!" said Mr. Jim.

"Right away sir," said Mr. X.

"Oh yeah, and give the little rat thing his pick of special agents," said Mr. Jim. "Oh, and dress up in that pretty ballerina costume and do that amusing little dance that always makes me happy."

"Okay sir," said Mr. X, who for some reason as well as methods unknown to the authoress, was suddenly dressed in a tutu.

---ooo---

"ALRIGHT! TALK!"

Serenity groggily pushed herself, bidding her body, aching with tiredness, to get up, and bidding her sleep-itchy eyes to open to find Joey questioning…a rock.

"Joey…did your brain cell just die?" Serenity asked.

"Serenity! The Tooth Fairy's gone!" Joey cried.

"Gone?" Serenity asked.

"Uh huh!" Joey said. "I woke up this morning, and he was gone! Gone! GOOOOOOOONE!"

"Yes Joey, no need for repetition," Serenity said. "Next question. Why are you threatening a rock?"

"HE KNOWS SOMETHING!" Joey screamed. "ALRIGHT! TELL ME WHERE THE TOOTH FAIRY IS! TELL ME!"

The rock did nothing.

"THEN PERHAPS BEING HIT WITH A BUNCH OF DAISIES WILL CHANGE YOU'RE TUNE!" screamed Joey, pulling out a bunch of daisies, smacking the rock with them repeatedly hitting it with them.

"WHERE IS HE?" _Foomp. _"WHERE?" _Foomp _"WHERE?" _Foomp. _"**WHERE?"**

"Joey, I thought you didn't like Seto," Serenity said.

"Well I don't like rocks neither!" Joey said.

"Joey, where's Ryo?" Serenity asked.

"Aw, he's out looking for Seto," Joey said, beating up the rock with the bouquet of daisies.

---ooo---

And Ryo was indeed looking far and wide for Seto, with, of course, the aide of all his animal friends. Yes he has animal friends you silly.

"Seto!" Ryo called, looking under a tiny rock. "Oh Seeeeeeto, where are you?"

"Hi Ryo!" said a little bluebird that landed on a bigger rock. "Me and all the birds of the woods looked far and wide, past the rolling green hills, over the swirly, twirly windy lands, and even in the local residential facilities, but we couldn't find him!"

"WE'RE SO SORRY!" cried a crow, as she began sobbing.

"That's okay Bobby Blubird and Cathy Crow!" Ryo said. "Thank you so much for helping me! Here, have some high quality grade A bird seed!"

With that, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a twenty pound bag of bird seed and dumped it out for the birds.

"YAY! THANK YOU RYO!" said all the birds, as they devoured their seedy treats.

"Ryo," said a mole, who dug up a small hole from right next to his foot. "The moles, and our good friends the worms, the ants, and the badgers have all looked around…he's not under the dirt."

"Oh drat!" said Ryo, snapping his fingers in frustration. "I was almost _sure_ he'd be there!"

"We're terribly sorry!" said the mole. "Is there anything else we can do?"

"No, but thank you all so much!" Ryo said, pulling out a twenty pound bag of dirt from his other pocket. "Have some quality top soil!"

"Yay!" cried the mole. "Thank you Ryo!"

As the mole dug back into the ground, Ryo sighed and sat on a rock in by a pond, trying to mentally regroup.

"Alright," he thought to himself. "He's not in the sky, he's not under the dirt, so where could he possibly be?"

"Ryo," said a voice from bellow the surface of the pond, as a huge, green tentacle sprouted up, "all of the mutated marine animals in all local bodies of water, including myself, have searched everywhere in the water, and we couldn't find any trace of Seto Kaiba. Sorry man."

"Oh no, it's alright," said Ryo, pulling out a huge bucket of fish guts. "Have some good quality chum!"

"Yay!" said all the mutated animals, as a feeding frenzy brewed from where Ryo dumped in the chum. "Thank you Ryo!"

"Don't mention it!" Ryo cried. "That means when we find Seto, there'll be a good chance that he hasn't mutated!"

While Ryo happily fed the mutated creatures fish guts and blood, Ryu Barabus, the man so homicidal, he once murdered someone when receiving a complement, 'that's a very nice hand grenade you have', was walking casually into the scene. This man is ruthless, possessing the ability to empty two rounds of machine gun bullets in twelve seconds using nothing but his toes, to conceal murder weapon perfectly by grabbing someone and using it to beat someone else to death with, to tear apart innocent plush toys using nothing but his mind, HE'S INSANE I TELL YOU! INSANE! INSANE! IN-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!

Okay, glad I got that out of my system.

So anyway, Ryu walked up to Ryo, with great pleasure coursing through his bloodshot brown eyes. He had found the most ideal scapegoat on the planet. Ryo looked just like him, and he was most certainly a whimp. Knowing this, the plot of this story is pretty much writing itself.

"Why, hello there soon-to-be-convicted-of-a-crime-he-didn't-do-person," said Ryu evilly, sounding a little lick Ryo, but without the accent.

"HELLO HOMICIDAL PERSON!" Ryo said cheerfully, waving frantically. "Will you be my new friend?"

"Why, certainly," said Ryu, hearing police sirens getting closer and closer. "Here, have a recently used, incredibly dangerous weapon."

Ryu held out a huge machine gun.

"I'm sorry," Ryo said. "I'm not big on really dangerous weapons."

"This isn't a weapon," said Ryu. "It's a, um, Pez Dispenser."

"No way!" cried Ryo, taking it happily. "That's soooooo sweet!'

"Goodbye you fool!" said Ryu triumphantly, running away as the police cars rolled into view.

"Bye new best friend!" Ryo called. "Do you want to hang out some time? I think I'm going to be free this Sunday-"

"FREEZE!" screamed three cops, pulling out guns, all pointed in Ryo's direction. "DROP YOU'RE WEAPON AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"

"I SURRENDER!" Ryo screamed automatically, tears in his eyes, dropping his gun.

"Ryu Barabus, you are charged with a million bazillion counts of murder, as well as being a stark raving mad lunatic," said the officer. "You have a right to remain silent-"

"But…but I never killed anything in my entire life!" Ryo cried. "I'm innocent! I DON'T WANT TO BE A BAD PERSON!"

"Don't play coy ya filthy murderer!" said one police woman, grabbing his hands behind his back and handcuffing him. "You're going to spend the last day off you're life in the clink!"

"LAST DAY OF MY LIFE? JAIL?" Ryo screamed. "But-"

"SHUT IT!" said a cop, throwing him in the back of a police car, which the minute the door shut, whirred him off to the nearest federal prison.

---ooo---

"Joey, it's been nearly an hour, and Ryo's not back yet," said Serenity, as Joey was now playing cards with that rock. "And weren't you just brutally torturing that rock?"

"Huh?" Joey asked, dealing the rock five cards.

"Didn't you find anything out about Se-um, the Tooth Fairy?" Serenity asked.

"You mean the ruthless, sarcastic, cruel one who is neither good nor bad and goes out of his way to do grievous harm to me just for the purpose of making me unhappy for the sake of comedy?" Joey asked.

"Well…yes…" Serenity said.

"Nope, not a thing," Joey said.

"Joey, it bothers me as much as you to say this, but-" Serenity started.

Suddenly, still in a semi-psychotic daze, Ryu walked to Serenity and Joey, not saying a word.

"Oh, there you are Ryo," Serenity said.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? ARE YOU WITH THE POLICE? YOU DIE NOW!" Ryu screamed, about to pull out a jack knife when-

"Ryo! What's the matter with you?" Serenity screamed. "Of course I know you're name, we've been traveling together for how long?"

"Huh…um, er…" Ryu said, his criminal mind kicking into gear. "Uh, yeah! Exactly! I'm…Ryo…not Ryu…a psycho…who's one goal is to kill everyone in the entire world! MUA HA HA HA HA!"

"Uh…" Serenity said.

"PENUTS!" Joey screamed.

"Alright," Serenity said. "Well…Seto probably got bored and headed off to Cuz on his own. Maybe if we keep going down the Yellow Brick Road, we'll find him eventually."

"Ah yes, the Yellow Brick Road, many places to…nothing," he said quickly, as Serenity was giving him a strange look.

"You're not Ryo," she said.

"What are you talking about?" Ryu said, playing innocent, something he was very good at. "Of course I'm Ryo! I'm just finally showing off who I am!"

"You don't scream 'you die now' just when people say your name!" Serenity said. "You never done anything that…brave…"

"And where's my cookie?" Joey asked.

"Oh, uh, I most have had a bit of an…odd moment there…" said Ryu.

"People have been having a lot of those lately," Serenity said.

"I THINK HE'S RYO!" Joey screamed.

"You thought that tree was Ryo two seconds ago," said Serenity, pointing to a tree.

"So?" Joey asked.

"Well, if I scared you, I'm sorry!" said Ryu. "Let's head off and find, um, Seto, yeah that's it!"

"Well…" Serenity said, still a bit suspicious. But then again, everyone has had their weird moments in this story. I mean even she talks to a plush toy, "alright, let's go."

"HUR-RAW!" Joey screamed.

"Hurroo," said Ryu, almost evilly.

---ooo---

"Oh boy! First I got a new set of clothes, then I got to play with finger paints, and now I get my picture taken too?" Ryo said cheerfully, wearing a striped prisoners uniform, holding up a sign that had a bunch of random numbers on it. "This is so nice! Prison's much more fun then I expected it to be!"

"This is a line up photo you British Baka," said the photographer. "And jeez, they were taking your fingerprint identification! I can't believe we don't have a set of them from you!"

"Cheese!" Ryo said cheerfully, smiling.

"I hate when they play cute," said the photographer.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings," Ryo said politely.

"JUST LET ME TAKE THE MALFORKIN' PICTURE!" screamed the photographer.

"Okay!" Ryo said, smiling again.

---ooo---

"This will be your room of which you will sleep your last night," said the jailor, opening up the barred door, revealing a small bunk bed, looking very hard and lumpy.

"I get a room for the night too?" Ryo cried with joy. "No way! This is so nice! I expected jailors to be cruel and mean. And I even get the top bunk! Oh, I'll have to give you a nice tip for this!"

"What the…what are you, some kind of twit?" asked the jailor, as Ryo pulled out his wallet and went searching for the forty cents he had in chapter twenty, which was a very lovely chapter by the way.

"Here you go!" Ryo said sweetly, holding out the quarter, dime, and five pennies. They were very shinny pennies by the way.

"JUST GET IN THE CELL!" screamed the guard, and Ryo happily skipped in. As the door closed behind him, there was an over muscular man, who also wore a jail captor's uniform, had a shaved head, and a bunch of scars criss-crossing his face.

"OH NO!" Ryo cried. "You look terrible! You didn't get into a fight, did you?"

The guy just glared at him.

"You're the most homicidal maniac in recorded history?" he asked, in a gruff, surly, almost raspy sort of voice.

"Nee-ope!" said Ryo. "I'm Ryo Bakura, and my friends tell me I'm naïve! Will you be my new best friend?"

"So wait," said the guy, "if your not the most homicidal man, who can turn bits of lemon peels into a long range bazooka gun, then what the heck are you doing her?"

"I got accused of a crime I didn't commit!" said Ryo. "But that's okay! I'm sure the modern day law system will see that I am innocent and let me off!"

"Your friends were right," said the guy. "Since your going to die tomorrow, I'll tell you my name. It's Nail."

"Nail?" Ryo asked. "Like those things you hammer into walls?"

"Yeah stupid," said Nail. "Phew, they were right, you are a loony."

"Hey! That's also what my friends call me!" Ryo said. "Well, wherever they are…I hope they find me soon! I hope someone finds me soon…"

Sad violin music played in the background in some cell.

"HEY! NO MUSIC AFTER EIGHT!" screamed the guard.

"Sorry," said the leader of the string quartet in the cell next to Ryo.

---ooo---

However, hope had not died yet for our albino British friend. For at the moment, agent Pikachu was out on the scene of the identity switch, with his most capable officer at his side, agent Momiji Sohma.

"Pika pika," said Pikachu, holding up the gun that was given to Ryo.

"Yup, I agree," said Momiji. "That, without a doubt, is _not _a cupcake."

"Pika…" said Pikachu.

"It is a bit suspicious," said Momiji, picking it up. "We better dust it for finger prints."

Pikachu pulled out a huge powder puff, and doused the whole area around them in a mad frenzy, covering the entire scene with a pink-white cloud, with some nice little sparkles thrown in that really brings out a girls, ahem, I mean finger prints.

"Pika!" said Pikachu, pointing to a particular patch of finger prints left by the cloud blast.

"Ohmygod! You're right!" said Momiji, flipping through the 'top secret' file. "Some of these finger prints are Barabus' alright, but some of these don't belong to him at all!"

"Pi Pika," said Pikachu, typing rapidly into his laptop. "Pik pika pi ka pikachu, pi ka pi pi ka pikachu pi pik ka pika."

"If we enter the fingerprints into our mainframe, we'll figure out the other person, and then maybe our global tracking system can track him down before it's to late?" Momiji cried. "Oh why does man need to kill other men? Why must we clean up the blood of our own kind? I would never support this practice…I only do it for my true love…my Tohru…"

He sobbed and pulled out a picture of Tohru, who was holding a gun and dressed just like Mai, but she had more belts laden with weapons.

"Pika," said Pikachu.

"Yes, I know it's stupid that I made it my job to hunt down homicidal maniacs when my crush actually is one, so butt out," said Momiji. "Track your filthy maniacs and bystanders."

---ooo---

Well that was fun! But totally weird…

More testimony to my growing obsession with Fruits Baskets. It's sad really. You won't see Seto for awhile, so don't even ask. DRAMA CHAPTER BREWING!

Another premiere! Here we go!

---ooo---

"I KNEW IT!" Serenity screamed. "The _real_ Ryo's wallet isn't black, it's powder! YOU'RE NOT RYO! YOU'RE A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!"

"Well I hoped that you wouldn't figure that out until after the end of this chapter where Ryo gets executed in my place and and-oh $& I gave away the rest of the plan. Oh well. TIME FOR THE BAZOOKA!"

"AH! Joey, run, he's going to kill us!" Serenity screamed.

"Wow, that's a big gun," said Joey, as Serenity grabbed him by his sleeve.

"GET BACK HERE MEAT!" screamed Ryu, pulling out his bazooka and chasing them as they bolted down the road as fast as they could.

---ooo---

And that concludes today's episode of 'The Wizard of Cuz'. Thank you, and good night.


	26. If I Only Had a Literary Impossibility

The world is never truely safe from...STEWARDESSES!

HELLO MEAT PUPPETS! You thought you were relieved from the trauma of irregular updates? WRONG! Due to a weekend trip me and my family are taking, starting first thing on Thursday, this will have updated on Wednesday, so you people get your insanity early. DON'T GET TO COMFY! Everything will be back to normal next Friday! Oh yeah, and I created another one shot, _A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots_, in case any of you are bored.

Guess what time it is?

Funky Egyptian

Don't' worry. For some reason, I always start a paragraph with 'anyway'.

ANYWAY! Yep! Drama commin'! Oh boy, I'm crazy too! Aw jeez, I ran out of things to say to. Oh wait, I have one more. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Bilbo-Sama (I FINALLY SPELT IT RIGHT!)

Ryo _is _naïve, and that's why I like him! AND THE IRREGULAR UPDATES CONTINUE! Thank you so much for reviewing ASHOTHOTI (A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots).

Here's my update! I hope you like it!

LoneFlyinTigers

Hooray for randomness!

Ryo isn't acting stupid, he's just acting like himself. For some reason, Ryo's mentality works in a way that he thinks everyone else is as sweet and kind and honest as he is. I MEAN COME ON! HE THINKS THERE'S A GOOD SIDE TO SETO!

But Joeyitis is probably involved somehow…I'll check my medical dictionary.

Ah, summer. A good time to do NUTHIN! Enjoy even more insanity!

Metamorpha

Wee! Cool pen name! I'm sorry, when people come with cool pen names, I just have to say it.

Cool! I can't spell either!

I'm glad you liked this story so much! I hope you come back for another time!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

I MISSED YOU LAST TIME! Evil painters!

I think we all act weird when we're half asleep. Boy, I can get full-blown violent when my parents try to wake me up. That's because my sword-wielding conscience takes over and stuff…I think…

MER HER! This chapter contains…more weirdness! I hope you like it, and thanks so much for reviewing this chapter as always! (Waves happily)

Mokuba's Official Glomper

I WILL OBEY THE WAYS OF THE CHEESE OF THE SCREEMING SPORKS!

Okay…anyway! It sounds like you have a pretty interesting Mom. My mom…can be scary…at times…my parents keep threatening that they'll sell me to the gypsies/coal mines/ paper mill/pet loving Martians.

No, Seto is _not _kidnapped by bunnies. I hope…

I like Vulpix too. And Eevee.

L-Chan the Insignificant

YAY! I hoped you'd review again!

I'm glad you liked this chapter so much! I take pride in my plot twists…

I'm glad you like the chapter titles so much too. I usually choose a very obscure joke or one toward the end of the chapter, and I turn it into a chapter title. I originally wanted this chapter title to be 'If I Only Had a Ryo Log', but then I figured that it wouldn't be fun, because…well, the Ryo Log is introduced in the first few sentences.

I rant sometimes. Sorry.

Ryo in jail. That's a twist! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANOTHER SUPER-NICE REVIEW!

An Unknown Someone

Ryu's more crazy than stupid, but yes, when he has so many types of fire arms laying around, you better run when you see him.

Dark Princess Saz

I'm glad to help!

Life is a role of toilet paper…Yami that's…so beautiful!

Well, I can't say that I wouldn't be surprised if Paris Hilton couldn't read. It would make sense.

Boy, do I wish I had a cool nick name. Wait, I already do. I'm Shri!

Anyway, MER HER! Momijiiiiiii, so cute! I like Kisa too. SHE'S MOMIJI'S FEMALE EQUIVILENT! Run Kyo, run!

HAVE FUN DOING RANDOM THINGS! ENJOY THE INSANITY!

Gothangelmyu

Pikachu! To be honest, a lot of my friends, who are going to be seniors, occasionally watch Pokemon just to see Team Rocket.

Where is Seto? That '.0' is my secret…

Moral of chapter: If not possessing a force field when waking up Ryo in the middle of the night, make sure he's got the _plastic_ ax, not the real one.

ShadowFire2

Wait, Ryu means something? What? Can you tell me please? I love learning foreign insults.

Oh, yeah! I'm working on your idea right now to be honest…but something went terribly wrong, and…well, you'll have to see it when it's done, but let me warn you, it's not going to be what anyone expected!

Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed 'A Second Helping of the Heart of the Idiots'!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX  
**If I Only Had a Literary Impossibility

_Ryo Log, April 17th_

_Time 6:47 AM_

_Mood: Cheerful_

_This morning, I decided to be nice to my new roommate Nail, which is like the one you hammer into the wall. I figured if I got up at six AM, sung cheerful songs, and tidied up our cell, it would make him happy. Sadly, it turns out he's kind of grumpy in the morning, because he called me a nauseating twit, an all out loony, and he's glad that I'm going to get executed today._

_That's okay though. I'm not going to get executed! My friends will save me! I hope…but I must say, all of this is very scary. Like all the dirt. I had to spend twenty straight minutes just scrubbing five square centimeters of the floor. All those germs._

_Oh yeah! The string quartet next door is very nice, and they play absolutely beautiful music. Why, just now, they were playing a segment from a four string sonata in G minor, and they even threw in some 'Time Warp' to jazz it up._

_Oh yes, back to my roommate, he seems very angry at everything I do. Strange, I didn't know he hated the sound of a fumigator. I asked him if there was anything to do to make it up to him, and he suggested beating me up before. Since I have never been beaten up by a mugger (oh, that's what he's 'in for' by the way), I assumed it would be very painful, so I started sobbing screaming that I wanted my Mummy. However, it turned out that sobbing for your Mum annoyed Nail even more, so I got it anyway. On the bright side, it was something new and different. On the not-so-bright side, I don't think my life would have been incomplete without one._

---ooo---

Meanwhile, as our Albino British Hero awaited a horrible fate, our other two heroes, Serenity and Joey, were getting ever closer to the place where Ryo was being held, still in the company of the imposter of their best friend Ryo, Ryu Barabus, Homicidal Maniac. And while not realizing his true identity yet, our heroes were getting closer and closer to unveiling the truth!

"Let me get this straight," Serenity said. "You're telling us in grade school, you'd wipe out _anybody_?"

"Yep," said Ryu.

"That doesn't make sense; I thought you wouldn't hurt a fly!" Serenity said.

"Well…I didn't want to…freak you out," said Ryu evilly.

"Anyone?" Joey asked.

"Yep," said Ryo.

"Plumbers?" Joey asked.

"Kill 'em," said Ryu.

"State Congressmen?" Joey asked.

"Without a doubt," said Ryu.

"Nice girls who said they liked you?" Serenity asked.

"Dinner and a movie…then kill 'em," said Ryu.

"Something's defiantly wrong with you," said Serenity.

"Huh?" Joey said.

"Oh, now you're just trying to hurt my feelings, aren't you?" said Ryu, but before he could do a single thing, he tripped on a tiny pebble in the road, and all the contents of his pockets spilled out, which contained ten home made bombs, seven canisters of knockout gas, two rail guns, and a black wallet.

"I KNEW IT!" Serenity screamed. "The _real_ Ryo's wallet isn't black! It's powder blue! YOU'RE NOT RYO! YOU'RE A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!"

"Well I hoped that you wouldn't figure that out until after the end of this chapter where Ryo gets executed in my place and and-oh $& I gave away the rest of the plan. Oh well. TIME FOR THE BAZOOKA!"

"AH! Joey, run, he's going to kill us!" Serenity screamed.

"Wow, that's a big gun," said Joey, as Serenity grabbed him by his sleeve.

"GET BACK HERE MEAT!" screamed Ryu, pulling out his bazooka and chasing them as they bolted down the road as fast as they could.

---ooo---

"You both have made a very good choice for you're house Mr. and Mrs. Thing," said a smooth house sales person to a young couple. "This is by far the most up and coming house in the West End."

"Is this a nice, quiet neighborhood?" asked Mr. Thing.

"Are the people here nice?" asked Mrs. Thing.

"Oh yes, everything here is absolutely wonderful!" said the salesmen. "There are plenty of other young couples here, there are a variety of people, with wonderful public works, the park and football field are in walking distance-"

"RUN FOR YOU'RE LIVES! HE'S GONE INSANE!" screamed Serenity, running past the three.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed, Joey, running past as well.

Ryu just laughed in a high pitched, silly, psychotic laugh, chasing down the two with a huge, portable missile on his back.

"Uh..." said Mr. and Mrs. Thing.

"So! Where do you stand on the whole nature vs nurture debate?" said the salesperson, covering both of their eyes and heading toward the East End.

"Excuse me," said Agent Momiji behind him, with Agent Pikachu at his side, "Have you seen a homicidal maniac breeze through here?

"Well, um, yes, no," said the house salesmen.

"You're lying," said Momiji. "I don't like liars."

"OH CRIMETY! I'M JUST TRYING TO SELL A HOUSE! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE FINISHED MEDICAL SCHOOL!" screamed the salesmen. "He went that way, okay?"

"Thanks!" said Momiji, skipping toward where the salesman pointed.

---ooo---

_Ryo Log cont._

_Time: 10:17AM_

_Mood: Happy_

_Well I never. I was just finishing up my breakfast, when some huge surely guard grabbed me and took me down to an office to discuss my execution. It was alright, but still, I can't help but feel like I haven't had any real say in it. Here's how the conversation went to the best of my memory._

_Warden: Alright Ryu Bakura. It's time to discuss your execution. First, what do you want for your last meal._

_Me: Em, something light I think._

_Warden:…what?_

_Me: Something nice and light. I think I'm packing on the pounds._

_Warden: This is your last meal you idiot. You want it to be something light?_

_Me: I want a nice garden salad…with vinaigrette dressing!_

_Warden: Just a salad._

_Me: Well, if want me to have a little more, I suppose I could take Italian._

_Warden: Whatever. Okay then, now for your execution. You, Ryu Barabus, shall be tied to an electric chair and delivered a mortal shock._

_Guard: No good. We put the electric chair in the shop._

_Warden: Alright. Then you shall be given a lethal injection-_

_Guard: Actually, were out, and the chemist won't get a new shipment until Wednesday._

_Warden: Okay, then you shall be killed by a firing squad-_

_Guard: Sorry. Three of our shooters are out sick, one hurt his knee-_

_Warden: What does hurting your knee have to do with firing a gun?_

_Guard: Well what if he suddenly had a massive wave of pain shoot through his body from the knee, causing him to misfire? 'Ave you thought of that Mr. Smartypants?_

_Warden: Well what about our other two?_

_Guard: Well, one's at a funeral, and the other one just became a pacifist yesterday._

_Warden: Well God! What do you want me to do? Throw him in an arena and have a lion eat him?_

_Guard: What? Execution by lion? On National Prevention of Overworking Lion's day, only a week after the great lion plague, where lion tamers have been striking for the fortieth week, and Africa is protesting so many lions being shipped to America by destroying warehouses and setting loose hundreds of thousands of lions into the populace, the lion unions just been formed, the zoo has recently lost their biggest tourist attraction, the great silver lion, who died of old age, and the Lion Festival is tomorrow?_

_Warden: IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!_

_Guard: Well, there's always hanging I guess…_

_Warden: Sold! I'll take it!_

_So basically, despite how many times I told them I'm not Ryu Barabus, they're going to execute me anyway. That's so rude!_

_Whoops, here comes the guards. Sorry for cutting this-_

---ooo---

"Oh…man," Serenity panted, leaning up against a small building in a city she managed to run into, clinging to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I feel like I've been running away from that homicidal maniac forever. Okay, gotta think. Don't do anything stupid okay Joey? Uh…Joey?"

She turned around. Joey was gone.

"Oh perfect," said Serenity. "Okay. The most important thing to do right know is to find Ryo and clear his name before anything gets out of hand. Then I can concentrate on finding Joey and Seto. But where is Ryo being held?"

"EXTRA EXTRA! THIS JUST IN!" said a paper boy, walking down the street. "RYU BARABUS CAPTURED AND PIRANHA BROTHERS ESCAPE!"

Everyone on the street fled into there houses except Serenity, who the paper boy ran up to and handed a paper.

"Take it friend," he said. "Arm yourself with knowledge!"

"Thank you," Serenity said, opening it up. "Okay, lets see. Da de da…captured…in Pembrose Jail...six miles from here…executions scheduled at…oh no! Two thirty! I only have fifteen minutes to get there and save him!"

"Not for long you don't," said a voice behind her, as she turned in horror to face Ryu Barabus, along with three thugs. "Ms. Serenity, allow me to introduce my three cell mates, who just escaped this morning. They're names aren't that important, because in just a few moments, you'll won't live to tell the tale of this fantastic fight scene."

That's when Serenity jumped ten feet in the air and slammed down one platformed shoe on the top of Ryu's head.

"I BEG TO DIFFER JERK BOY!" she said, bouncing off it and running off.

"Wow, didn't see that coming," said one mugger.

"GET HER!" screamed Ryu.

So began the chase scene when Serenity tried to outrun four full grown and totally ripped men. Of course, then she remembered she was the worst runner in gym class, and she also realized that eventually, they would catch up, and then she would be toast.

Thankfully, Serenity possessed ultimate control over the ultimate butt kicking machine…HER BRAIN! Which she was going to need to use due to the fact that she was cornered on the edge of a bridge by the muggers five minutes after the chase scene started.

"Any last words, toots?" said Ryu. "Don't worry, we'll make this quick and clean."

"I thought it was going to be long and dirty," asked a mugger.

"Shut up!" said Ryu.

"Why else did we bring the pointed sticks?" asked another.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" said Ryu. "Oh Bloody-"

"Well this has been fun!" said Serenity, standing up on the railing. "Goodbye!"

Then, much to everyone's shock and horror, she jumped.

"HOLY CRUD!" screamed Ryu, running up to the edge. "That's suicide! Why the heck did she jump?"

"Cause I didn't feel like walking to the prison, that's why!"

Serenity, much to the weirdos' shock, was calling from the thruway. When she was up on top of the railing, she saw a bus coming under the bridge. So taking a huge leap of faith, she jumped off and landed on top of it, waving goodbye to her would-be assailants.

"Aw jeez, she doesn't have to be all smug about it," said one of the muggers.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" screamed Ryu.

"Dinsdale?" said Spiky Norman, coming from behind a huge building.

---ooo---

"Excuse me," Serenity said, sticking her head upside down from the roof through the driver's seat window, "are we making any stops to the Penbrose Jail on this route?"

"Oh, that'll be our next stop in five minutes," said the bus driver casually, as if girls landed on the roof every day.

"May I hop on? I can pay you," said Serenity.

"Sure," said the bus driver, as Serenity hoped in through the window behind him.

"Okay, I suppose I can read the funnies until then," said Serenity. "Oh boy! Dilbert!"

---ooo---

"Check this one out," said Momiji to Pikachu in the back of the same bus, reading the personal column of the same paper. "'Public execution scheduled for Ryu Barabus, convicted of an uncountable number of murders, not paying a parking fine, and shoplifting a bible from a local Walmart. Execution is scheduled for Saturday, Two Thirty PM in Pembrose Jail, refreshments served, all are welcome."

"Pika," said Pikachu.

"I agree," said Momiji. "The Times have really gone downhill nowadays."

---ooo---

"Alright Ryu Barabus!" said the guard, as Ryo was standing in front of a gallows, hands tied behind his back. "Any last words before we tie a nylon chord around your neck and hang you until you are dead?"

"Well…what can I say really?" said Ryo. "What can I say to express my great feeling of sadness by the fact that our society's justice system is based on both revenge and hypocrisy, that the only way we feel just punishment for killing a man is by killing another, and-"

"Time's up," said the guard, shoving Ryo up the stairs, as a crowd of cheering onlookers watched as Ryo was put up to the gallows, and a noose lashed around his neck.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to nylon," said Ryo to the executioner with a black mask over his head. "Do you think you can get me just a normal rope?"

The executioner gave him a look.

"Okay, but if I have a reaction, I hope the medical team knows what to do!" said Ryo.

So Ryo stared back into the crowd, wondering why the world was so cruel and unfair that a man and a woman would give birth to a girl, and raise her in such a way that she would one day become a psychotic fan fiction writer, who makes a profession of torturing poor, naïve, innocently cute manga characters by creating homicidal maniacs who looked just like them, and having them take their place on the execution booth.

"Oh well!" Ryo said cheerfully.

There was a click, Ryo could feel the plank drop from under him, he could feel a quick fall. Down…down…down…

"What?" screamed a guard. "You stup-you didn't tie the bloody noose right!"

Ryo lay on the ground under the platform, face flat in the ground, shocked, but alive.

"Well who the heck executes people by hanging anymore?" said the executioner.

"I don't know, but I think they should really teach these things to you in executioner school!" said the guard. "I mean, what are you paying them for?"

"Well really, do you know how to tie a noose?" asked an executioner.

"Em, can I leave now?" said Ryo, still tied up and lying on the ground.

"No!" said the guard, picking him up. "Okay, I think it's the rabbit gets out of his hole, he runs away from the house and around the tree three times, does the polka-"

**ONE MINUTE LATTER**

"Dang! It didn't work!" said the guard as Ryo laid face-down in the dirt again.

"I told you that was how you tied a knot for a _carabineer_ you idiot!" said the executioner.

"Can't we just assume that God has willed my safety from this ordeal and let me go free?" asked Ryo.

"No!" said the guard, picking him up again. "This time it's for sure!"

**ANOTHER MINUTE LATTER**

"The stupid rope broke too?" screamed the guard. "Jeez! What kind of executioner are you?"

"Well, you haven't exactly provided _me_ with a good budget you stupid guard!" said the executioner.

"I really want to go home," said Ryo.

"Fine! Now are we going to execute him?" asked the guard.

"Well, we can use the classic execution ripping off a classic nineteenth century short story," said the executioner.

"Fine! We'll try that then!" said the guard, roughly pulling up Ryo again.

---ooo---

"Excuse me," said Serenity to a receptionist at the jail. "I'm here to stop the execution of Ryu Barabus. Can you tell me where he is?"

"Coliseum Ten, down the hall, turn right, left, right, another right, go straight past the portable gallows rack, and it's your third door to your left."

"This place has a coliseum?" Serenity asked. "Thank you!"

She ran down the hall full speed, tripped on her platform, got up again, and continued at a very fast stride, knowing that in a matter of minutes, an innocent man could face death of a crime he didn't commit.

"Turn right…turn left…turn right again…" Serenity panted, trying to keep it in her head, "…turn right again, go straight past the portable gallows rack, and EEEK!"

There, in the hallways, were the gang of Ryu Barabus and his three thugs, all cracking their knuckles excitedly at getting a second chance at a piece of Serenity.

"How did you guys get here before me?" she cried.

"Well…how did we get here before her?" asked one of the muggers.

"Well…I don't know," said Ryu. "It' one of those literary impossibilities that when tampered with, completely ruin the plot of the story."

"Oh…kay…" Serenity said.

"ANYWAY!" said Ryu. "We're here to finish what we started…outing you!"

"I won't let you do this!" said Serenity, backing up as the brutes closed in. "I won't let you kill me and let Ryo take you're place on death row!"

"I really don't think you have any choice!" said Ryu. "You're unarmed!"

"Oh yeah?" said Serenity, and before they could say another thing, with one swipe, she swung the rack of portable gallows to the floor, knocking them in every direction, knocking out one of the muggers.

"Why you little-" started one of them, charging toward her, until she gave him a gut jab with her knee, knocking him to the floor with a thud, in a state of complete pain.

"And now for my signature!" said Serenity, jumping in the air, slamming Ryu down with her platform, like she did last time, right on his face.

"HA!" said the last one, whipping out a pointed stick. "Now you're going to get it-"

"Pika-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

The guy behind her was zapped by a lightening bolt form Pikachu, causing him to fall forward to the ground, barbequed, and Agent Momiji and Agent Pikachu standing behind them.

"What?" Serenity asked. "How did you two get here before either me or them?"

"Literary impossibility!" said Momiji.

"Pika!" said Pikachu.

"OH NO! RYO!" screamed Serenity. "Thankyouigottagobye!"

She ran past them, running off to save Ryo.

---ooo---

"Alright Ryu Barabus," said the announcer. "Your execution method shall consist of thus. There are two doors in this arena. One of them has a tiger, but not a lion obviously, that has been starved for days, and will tear you apart into little meat shreds the second you open the door. However, in one door is the most beautiful maiden in the land, who you will be instantly married to. You have a fifty-fifty chance of coming out of this alive...so good luck!"

The crowd in the stands cheered enthusiastically.

"Okay, this is just weird," said Ryo, turning to the doors. They were perfectly similar in every way. Frighteningly similar. He shuddered in fear, at the thought of being slaughtered, or worse, married. He didn't know what to do. This was unfair. He never did anything to deserve this.

"I just wish I could say goodbye to everyone…" he thought. "Oh, I'm having those annoying life flashbacks…I've had such a good life…"

**FLASHBACK MODE**

"Hey! Look at the looney who's taking a shower in his underpants!" said a bunch of mean boys in Ryo's gym class.

---ooo---

"No Ryo, we can't make the fish alive again," said Ryo's dad, a huge cooked fish on Ryo's plate.

---ooo---

"Ew, he took cooking class instead of woodshop? What a loser!" said more mean kids to Ryo.

---ooo---

"Bakura…you bloody idiot!" said Ryo's gym teacher as he was trying to resuscitate a dead fish in the shower room by giving him the Heimlich Maneuver with a rolling pin in his underpants.

---ooo---

"Hey! Let's be friends!" said Serenity.

---ooo---

"WEEEE! PASTA!" Joey said happily, eating one of Ryo's pasta dishes.

---ooo---

"Stupid British Girly-Boy," said Seto.

**END FLASHBACK**

"I MISS THEM ALL SO MUCH!" said Ryo sadly. "Oh well! What can you do?"

He was just about to open the door on his right when.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Serenity screamed at the top of her lungs, charging into the arena.

"Serenity?" Ryo cried.

"HI SERENITY!" said Joey, slamming through the door that Ryo was about to open.

"Joey?" Serenity asked. "Uh, NEVER MIND! You can't execute this man! He's innocent! I just beat up the _real _Ryu Barabus outside! This is Ryo Bakura, a harmless British sweetheart."

"And we have all the evidence we need to prove it!" said Agent Momiji behind her, toting a cart load of the unconscious muggers and a file of evidence.

"And what's he doing in the spot where the beautiful maiden's supposed to be?" asked the announcer.

"Joey, how did you get in there?" Serenity asked.

"Literary Impossibility!" said Joey.

"So…the other one's the tiger?" Serenity asked.

"The big kitty?" asked Joey. "Nah, he looked sad, so I let him loose!"

"Wait, so if the tiger's gone…" said Serenity.

"WHY ISN'T SETO IN THIS CHAPTER?" screamed Spirit, slamming open the other door.

"Okay…that made no sense…" said Ryo.

"Um…I guess it's too late to say we're sorry?" asked the announcer.

"It's never too late to say that you're sorry!" said Ryo cheerfully.

"Can we go? These people are creeping me out," said Serenity.

"WHERE'S SETOOOOOOO?" screamed Spirit.

---ooo---

"Hey, guess what?" Serenity said. "I heard that Cuz is only a half a day's walk from here! We'll be there by tomorrow! Now all we have to do is find Seto…"

"He probably just got bored and went ahead without us," said Ryo.

"That's what I thought," said Serenity. "But still…"

"HEY SERENITY! I'M HUNGRY!" said Joey.

"I knew it," said Serenity.

"That's a shame," said Pegasus, who was standing next to a corner of a large building. "They have an absolutely fabulous restaurant about two blocks from here."

"Pegasus!" said Serenity, as Ryo 'eeped' and Joey 'I don't get ited'. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Serenity-girl, how come you're so uptight?" asked Pegasus. "I haven't seen you for eons!"

"And the last time you did, you set Joey on fire!" said Serenity.

"That was an accident," said Pegasus. "I can't help it if he's an idiot."

"Who's a what?" Joey asked.

"So why have you suddenly popped up?" Serenity asked.

"Simple really," said Pegasus. "I have something that I think…belongs to you…"

"OH! Is it that magic muffin fairy that lost last year when I was in kindergarten?" asked Joey excitedly.

"No," said Pegasus dangerously, pulling out and unconscious Seto from behind him. "But you're dead close."

Insert huge gasp and dramatic 'bum bum bum'.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Serenity said.

"Well, he wanted to play my game, and I guess it was a little too…much for him…" said Pegasus smugly.

"SHUT UP!" Ryo exploded. "I CAN"T STAND YOU! I CAN"T STAND TO LOOK AT YOU! THAT DISGUSTINGLY LONG WHITE HAIR, THOSE FILTHY MUD BROWN EYES, THAT STUPID ACCENT! IT MAKES ME SICK! **SICK!**"

Serenity just gave him a look.

"What?" Ryo asked.

"Okay…" said Pegasus. "If you and your band of misfits want him back so bad, here."

He tossed Seto's body right on them, Serenity catching him before he hit the ground.

"Why did you do this to him?" she cried.

"For one simple reason," said Pegasus. "He was in the way of my one target. You. You and those beautiful platforms."

"I'll never give you these platforms Pegasus!" Serenity said. "You're going to have to kill me first!"

"Patients Serenity-Girl," said Pegasus. "Our game's coming soon. Very soon!"

With that, the smoke effect came back up, and Pegasus rode out of it on a pretty pink bike.

"Oh, this is terrible!" said Ryo. "We have to get Seto to a doctor or something."

"Tooth Fairy?" Joey said pathetically, as a drama chapter unfolded.

---ooo---

"Hey, did you hear about that tiger that's rampaging through town?" asked a guy coming into his apartment.

"No," said his wife, who was sitting behind a computer. "Boy, is the Ryo Log boring today."

"Dinsdale?" said Spiky Norman, coming out from behind another building.

---ooo---

I just had to end the chapter on a humorous note.

I have nothing left to say, except I still don't own Monty Python skits. Oh yeah, and Ryo's flashback scene was largely inspired from a one shot Cartoon Network Cartoon, _Comander Quork. _I think I spelt it right.

Now, for a premiere of the extreme drama chapter!

---ooo---

And I'll take a nap," said Ryo. "I feel like I haven't slept on anything nice in years."

"WOOT! HOT NURSES!" Joey said, pointing to a cluster of nurses.

"Joey, those are male nurses," said Ryo, collapsing on a roll on stretcher in exhaustion.

"Hellooooooooo ladies!" said Joey, skipping over to them.

"This sure won't end…very well…" said Ryo. "I'll stop him…I just…need…to close my eyes…just for a bit…"

Before he knew it, he was sound asleep the second he hit the pillow, completely exhausted. The moment he did, a doctor walked over to the stretcher he was on.

"Hey Glades, is this the dead guy?" he asked a receptionist.

"Sure, whatever," said the careless receptionist, as the doctor wheeled Ryo off.

---ooo---

See you next week everybody!


	27. If I Only Had the Big Needle

Girls don't like guys; girls like cars and money…

HEY EVERYBODY! Here it is, the one you've all been dreading! And I apologize in advance for all the incredibly dramatic bits that are to come in this story, as well as the possible lack of drop dead humor. I've read this chapter, and you need to be in a really, really weird mood to read this. I suggest reading plenty of angsty Shouju Manga, just to get the feeling of how weird this chapter's gonna be. Definite fluff, definite tear-jerky, sappy kind of moments are on the way. J00 H4V3 B33N W4RN3D!

Another thing, I was afraid that I was going to get slammed with e-mails from people angry that Seto got hurt last chapter, but it turned out that the first day I opened my mailbox, most were people saying how adorable Momiji is. I will never understand the public mind…

Okay, actually, there's a funny mini story (ish) behind this story. It all started three chapters ago when the stupid system admen's decided to have fun and ruin my life…

_FLASHBACK MODE_

Serenity: We STILL can't load stories?

Ryo: Nope. I still think we should smack the computer with the keyboard.

Joey: I DID IT! (holds out piece of paper) I wrote my letter to Santa!

Serenity: Joey…this is a picture of a house…

Joey: (smiling) Yep!

Seto: (running into the room) OH MY FRICKIN' GAWD! SHE GOT IT!

Serenity: You're kidding.

Ryo: Are you sure? She got _it_?

Seto: Ryo, if she didn't get _it_, why would I run screaming into the computer room?

Joey: What's it?

Seto: That, stupid, would be an impersonal pronoun.

Serenity: Yes…and it's Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist Volume Five-

Ryo:-Yugi vs Seto for the five star chips to get into Pegasus' Castle-

Seto:-of which I threaten to commit suicide-

Serenity:-of which is a tie with Ryo's 'spirit duel' as Shri's favorite duels on Yu-Gi-Oh ever.

(Silence)

Serenity: We all know what's coming up next right?

Shri: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG! (Kicks Joey out of her way) WRITING TIME!

(Mad type on the computer)

Seto: I'll be going now…

Serenity: Too late. It's starting.

_FLASHBACK MODE CANCELED_

Review time!

Funky Egyptian

Hello! WEEEE! It's fun to be insane. Go Yugi! Go Seto!

I'm glad that you thought this chapter was funny! And once again, congratulations on being the first reviewer you get…A NEW CAR! Well, not really, BUT YOU GET AN IMAGINARY ONE!

Great to hear from you again! Enjoy this chapter!

Dark Princess Saz, Momiji Fangirl, and all the Staff of Kitsune Corp

Thank you so much for the reviews! They were extremely funny! And if you have gravity-defying trench coats, I want one too! They don't sell any at Target.

MUA HA HA! SPIKY NORMAN AND PIKACHU! I love scaring Yami. It is now my new hobby.

I am honored to have met Momiji Fangirl, chairperson of Kitsune Corp. I've been meeting such important people lately!

Like I said, all the reviews are incredibly funny, and they rival my insanity! Your company has my highest respect (bows so low she's kissing her knees). THANK YOU VERY MUCH! HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER!

LoneFlyinTigers

HI AGAIN! Glad you enjoyed the last round of insanity!

I'm sorry but…IT TRUE! By the end of the summer, this crazy Fanfiction will…will…END! It's just as hard for me to bear as everyone else.

BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET! We have quite a couple chapters left to go, and they are doomed to be insane ones. Also, I'm getting ready to write another story that I'll start right after this one.

Inflamation of Joey…COOL!

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! Enjoy this truly dark and insane chapter of the story.

L-Chan the Insignificant

You know, Ryu Barabus is a lot like our Yami-Bakura. It is weird…except of course, YB has a little more dignity, and at least has enough sanity not to mess with Serenity.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm getting e-mails about how amazed people are that Serenity kicks butt. I figured since there are so few good stories about her on FF dot net, it was high time somebody wrote one! Mer her…PIKACHU AND MOMIJI! (hugs them all).

You continue to be soooooo nice! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL THE NICE COMPLEMENTS! Help yourself to some Ryo-baked cookies!

Gothangelmyu

HI AGAIN MY GOOD FRIEND!

What happened to the Tooth Fairy? Well…you'll have to wait and find out. BUT as for Pegasus's little game…I'll give you a hint, it's a game quite a couple of my High School Junior friends…are _addicted_ to.

Sorry to freak you out.

As to your question, Cuz is sort of like a massive country/kingdom thing. Rhinestone City is it's capital. When Serenity said they were going to Cuz…that was a typo. Their heading to Rhinestone City. You think _that _was bad, I kept calling it Oz in my earlier chapters. But then I figured that I actually needed a name for the city, so Rhinestone City it is!

Thank you as usual for the lovely review! YOU ROCK!

ShadowFire2

Now I know! Thank you very much ShadowFire2-san!

I'm still working on that one shot. It should be out next week if all goes well.

And I completely agree…everyone needs to be bi-lingual, especially when it comes to insults. Enjoy this chapter! MUA HA!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

YAY! A PLUSHIE! (hugs) YOU'RE SO NICE TO ME!

I logged onto the site, but I can't read the Japanese. Is there an English translation thingit on there?

I'd totally love to see the fanart though. Do you have any on there? I draw some at home, but it's so bad I don't dare post it online! THANK YOU FOR THE NICE REVIEW! May this chapter scar your mind…

Cute Lil Yami

YOU'RE BACK! I MISSED YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

And I missed the Goonnylariousness!

Starving tiger of marriage, what could be worse? But it does remind me of a very funny conversation with the chess club captain (I'M A COLOSAL NERD!). He told me what a beautiful day it was, and I commented that it was kind of stormy and gloomy it looked outside. Then, he told me 'Every day is a beautiful day as long as your not married'. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOUR WISDOM MAJOR-SAMA!

Thank you tonsies for the candy! (Gives plushy cat) ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Not another evil incident!

Truly at times, Ryo can be the luckiest man alive. I think it's because he's so nice, nature and greater spiritual powers can't help but intervene to stop his pain. Or something like that.

JOEY CONTINUES TO SCARE ME! How did he manage to set the 'kitty' lose and not get mauled? Tis his secret…

Hooray for sugar! Hooray for you! THANK YOU!

Lefthandedfreak

I MISSED YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Actually, I don't tend to get caffeine high. I don't drink soda or coffee (I IS WEIRD!). I usually just eat a ton of sugar, and get hyper by watching British Comedy! WHICH IS JUST AS BAD!

But how horrible it must be to be decaffeinated! TERRIBLE!

Peggy takes round one!

I'm glad the friends you convinced to read my story liked it! YAY! You so nice!

Sounds like fun torturing people like Diane Sawyer! NEWS CHANNELS! RUN!

RYO MADE IT OUT OF THAT CHAPTER ALIVE! But will he make it out of this one?

THANK YOU TONZIES FOR NOT COMPLETELY DISAPEARING FROM MY REVIEWER LIST! IT MAKES ME HAPPY!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT**

If I Only Had the Big Needle

Many, many incredibly wrong things have taken place in this story so far. We have visited some of the most filthy, unorthodox, cruel, sick, monstrous, unusual, and incredibly taste lacking places on the face of the Earth…but a hospital…oh, that's the worst.

"Name?" said a receptionist.

"Mine or his?" Ryo asked.

"Are you injured?" asked the receptionist.

"But I haven't answered the first question yet!" Ryo cried in panic.

"What is the name of the injured person or persons?" asked the receptionist.

"Oh, um, Seto Kaiba," Ryo said, still kind of on the edge.

"Okay, so I'll put a check under 'female' for sex-" said the receptionist.

"Um, he's a guy…I hope…" Ryo said.

"Age?" asked the receptionist.

"Mine or his?" Ryo asked.

"All of these questions have to do with the _injured_ person," said the receptionist.

"Em…unknown," said Ryo.

"Can you give me a rough guess?" said the receptionist.

"Probably…a teen…I think…and hope…" said Ryo.

"Okay, marital status?" asked the receptionist.

"Well, I know some people find me attractive, but you really shouldn't ask me that question without even knowing my _name_!" cried Ryo.

"_HIS_ MARITAL STATUS YOU SIMPERING PRAT!" screamed the receptionist.

"Why do we even have that question on there?" Ryo asked. "Not applicable."

The receptionist just gave him a look.

"Really," Ryo said.

"I'll just put a check mark in the 'really needs to make new friends' box," said the receptionist. "Blood type?"

"How would I know that?" Ryo cried.

"Whatever, I'll just put 'O' to be safe," said the receptionist. "Does he have insurance?"

"He's got a fat wad of cash," said Ryo.

"Fat…wad…of…cash," said the receptionist out loud as she wrote it down in the 'other' box. "Is he, or has he ever been…a gold fish?"

"Not to my knol-hey! What does that have to do with all this?" Ryo asked.

"Favorite color?" asked the receptionist.

"What does that have to-" Ryo began.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" asked the receptionist, holding up four.

"TOO MANY QUESTIONS!" Ryo cried, grabbing his head, completely freaking out.

"RYO! EXHALE!" Serenity commanded, as Ryo did such, and then passed out. "Um, just give me the paperwork, I'll sort it all out."

"Whatever," said the receptionist, taking a shovel, and forking out a wad of papers from a huge pile of them, and dumping them on the counter, much to Serenity's shock.

"'On what year did the first official Super Bowl game begin, which two teams made it to the finals, and which two teams won?'" Serenity read.

"'A train leaves Chicago at four 'o clock going ninety miles an hour, and another train leaves Los Angeles at two 'o clock going one hundred miles an hour'," Ryo read from a sheet that fell on the floor. "'What time will the two trains pass?'"

"'Two points, (5,17) and (10,x), are direct variants'," read Serenity on her sheet. "'Find the missing point for x'."

"Serenity, can you translate Swahili?" Ryo asked.

"I FOUND A PENNY!" Joey screamed, running up to Serenity and Ryo.

"Was it face down?" Serenity asked.

"YEP!" said Joey, and he got squashed by a Gorilla.

"Well, at least Seto's in a room," Serenity said. "We're lucky you can do a good puppy eyes Ryo."

"Thank you!" Ryo said.

---ooo---

_Point of view flashback mode activated…Subject: Kaiba, Seto…rewind four hours, fourteen minutes…stop…_

_There he is. He did it. He won. I lost. _

_I can see and I can hear, but that's it. I'm numb. I don't know why, I just am. This couldn't have been fair. I know it. This is wrong. Too wrong. I'm trying to get up. I can't. I've lost all feeling in my limbs. My blood's frozen. I suppose I'm bleeding. I suppose I'm hurt. I suppose this is the end._

_He's turning this way. I know he cheated. Just looking at him. I can see his eyes, accusing, triumphant, arrogant, hurt, to many emotions to count. Wretched man. Don't look at me. You don't enjoy this. I know you don't. Turn away. Turn away and leave me here._

_I lost._

_He's not going. He's unhooking himself. He's coming this way. He killed me twice, and he's coming back to do it again. How can he stand it? How can he stand looking at me like that? It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Why can't you go away? Leave me. I don't need anymore of this. I've lost my heart. Forever. I've lost it all. Have you no shame?_

_I lost._

_He's saying something. "Perhaps it was too much." Whatever he did…it was too high a dosage…but does he even care? He won. Go away! You've taken away everything now! I have nothing! Nothing! Go away…go away…let me go…where are you taking me? Let me stay here, I don't want to walk another step._

_I won't say a word. He can't make me say anything. I won't let him make me. I hope I pass out. I hope I disappear. I hope this is the end._

_But you aren't that merciful are you?_

_No._

_I lost…everything…this is my retribution…leave me here…_

_Don't let them see me._

---ooo---

"There is no way any mortal can level this much paperwork!" Serenity cried, as she had a small pile of papers that were done, and a huge pile of those that weren't. "It's impossible!"

"Aw man, I got writers cramp," said Ryo, trying to answer all the questions in his pile. "Oh well."

Joey hadn't finished a single paper in his pile, and in fact, he was chewing on one of them, tying his best to eat it.

"Joey, give me that," said Serenity, pulling it out of his mouth, and reading the drool covered piece of paper. "Huh. It says here that we only need to do the first page and the others…are…optional…"

Akward silence.

"Well, I'll hand this in," said Serenity.

"And I'll take a nap," said Ryo. "I feel like I haven't slept on anything nice in years."

"WOOT! HOT NURSES!" Joey said, pointing to a cluster of nurses.

"Joey, those are male nurses," said Ryo, collapsing on a roll on stretcher in exhaustion.

"Hellooooooooo ladies!" said Joey, skipping over to them.

"This sure won't end…very well…" said Ryo. "I'll stop him…I just…need…to close my eyes…just for a bit…"

Before he knew it, he was sound asleep the second he hit the pillow, completely exhausted. The moment he did, a doctor walked over to the stretcher he was on.

"Hey Glades, is this the dead guy?" he asked a receptionist.

"Sure, whatever," said the careless receptionist, as the doctor wheeled Ryo off.

---ooo---

Serenity hated the hospital. H-A-T-E-D hated it. Everything about it. The smell, the uncomfortable chairs, the elevator music that played that makes you want to tear your ears out, and the fact that the headline on the latest Time magazine screamed 'KENNEDY ASSASSINATED'. Plus, what happened a mouth ago…

"Miss Sur…Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur…suuuuuuuuuuuuur…surii suriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiih…surriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeer……" stumbled a black haired, middle aged doctor that was right over her, trying to read something from the clip board he was holding.

"Miss Serenity?" Serenity suggested.

"AH! WHERE? WHERE? SHE'S FINALLY COME FOR ME!" screamed the doctor, looking in all directions. "NOOOOOOOOO-"

"No! Calm down! I'm Serenity!" said Serenity, trying to ease the panic of the doctor.

"Oh…yes…I knew that…darn frazzin' handwriting," said the doctor. "Ah yes, I believe you are one of the people who brought the Tooth Fairy into this facility-"

"No, that was them," said Serenity, pointing over her shoulder to a group of people who were frantically fanning a tall, slender blonde with huge pixie wings and a magic sparkly wand. "Anyway, me and my friends-"

"Before we get into any details, allow me to introduce myself!" said the doctor almost heroically, flexing his biceps so much that his sleeves completely tore off. "I am…DOCTOR ROB!"

"But your name tag says Doctor Klaus Freudler," said Serenity, pointing to his name tag.

"LIES!" screamed the doctor, covering up his name tag.

"Okay, I'm going on a wild guess by assuming that you were the only person in the entire hospital who was stupid and/or new enough to be tricked into taking care of Seto," said Serenity.

"In a word, yes," said Doctor Rob. "On that subject matter, I have what some would call…bad news."

"Oh no," Serenity said. "By some random twist of fate, he thinks he's Tom Jones now, doesn't he?"

"In a word, no, despite what we were hoping," said Doctor Rob. "However, we can kick him out, ahem, I mean release him as early as tomorrow."

"Knowing nothing in this story has been easy so far, I'm going to wait for the other shoe to drop," said Serenity.

"There's one thing…" the doctor said uneasily, "your friend Sally-"

"Seto," Serenity said.

"-Jennifer seems to be a bit…on the stubborn side," said Doctor Rob.

"The shoe landed right on my face, the spike heel gorging my eyes, the flat end breaking my nose," said Serenity.

"Anyway, as all of us doctors know, medication is half of our work, half of the patients will to take it, and half of it is if the biggest, fattest powderpuff pixie smiles, and fortune will finally lift the horrible plague upon our houses!"

"…yeah…" Serenity said.

"So, basically, there's no hope! YAY!" said the doctor. "Oh boy! Am I glad I transferred to Cornell University from Joey Joes school for good-for-nothing mindless lunatics! I'M AN IDIOT! WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

As the Doctor started bouncing off, Serenity made a solemn vow never to get sick again, and if she did, she would visit a local witch doctor instead of a med school graduate.

Boy, has Cornell been going downhill lately.

---ooo---

"I do not care what everyone thinks, and I don't care if you are the one lacking a heart instead of a brain," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, full drawn claws out right in front of Seto's face, who was in a hospital bed. "You, by far an away, and everything in between, acted like a first class Joey back with Pegasus."

Seto didn't say anything. He just weakly stared back at her.

"And don't give me your smart-arse silent treatment either," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, retracting all of her claws except her elongated pointer. "There's only one way I like to deal with that, and that will just get Serenity and the others more problems cleaning up your mess than you've already left them. I can't believe you. It's like you enjoy making me, your friends, and about ten billion fangirls get sick with worry over you."

Seto rolled over, turning away.

"As to answer your non verbal question 'why didn't she just get another temp to bail out my sorry behind', do you know how lucky I was to find ASV? Haven't you figured out the temp agency is still a screaming mess?" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "But _despite_ everything you've been through and everything I've tried to teach you, you still max out your 'stubborn loner' visa card. Why didn't you tell Serenity, Joey, and Ryo about that message? Why didn't you tell me, _the one who's job it is to make sure that you live life with as little pain as PO-SI-BEL_?"

No response.

"Jeez, you act like I like being the big bad no-fun plush," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

No response.

"Well, I'm glad I got my 'mean conscience lecture' out of the way" sighed Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "You are one of the most complicated cases I have ever had. But after what I've seen happen so far, after what happened to you, and after how you've been going about everything, I figure I really can't blame you for feeling so bad at this point in the game. You've really charged head long into the biggest rock in the rapids. And these points in life are really the things that make or break your clients."

Seto still didn't say anything, but he did turn a little bit.

"I've had a lot of fun with you, so don't think I'm mad at you or hate you or any anything like that," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "At this point, all I want is for you not to beat yourself up. You're going to get back up on your feet again. I promise. Until then, I just want you to take as much time as you want to get better. Don't do anything dramatic or hard or anything like that. All I want now is for you to get better. And I think that's really what you want to."

We will now interrupt this touching and dramatic one with one that is just plain random.

"Ih-is there anyone else in here?" asked a timid, almost quivering voice from the doorway. A nervous, young looking blonde nurse poked her head through the doorway, eye twitching a little bit, like she either had too much or too little coffee this morning. She looked like she should be a patient, not a caregiver.

"Oh, good no ones…here, oh, hello," she said when she saw Seto, giving him a quick, twitching, nervous smile, "I was hoping…no one was here you'll be fine…I guess I was kinda…hoping…for someone a little smaller but…it…looks like you wont put up much of a fight this…shouldn't hurt at all…for me I-"

From behind her back, she pulled out the biggest hypodermic needle known to man, which had a circumference of three feet and was four feet long.

"-really wanted to try out the big needle…" she said, "people say I can't…use the big needle because it's big and…needley and…**ILLEGAL** but…I really need to try out the big needle don't…get scared or anything, it will…all be over in a second you…won't…feel a thing in a minute…"

Before Seto could stop gapping at her with eyes the size of picture windows, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins was on her face in her plush body slam and face cover signature attack. The nurse turned around in furry, throwing off Ms. Fuzzy into a wall, and she jumped up in the air over Seto's bed while holding the needle down in a fearsome aerial attack, when a huge lasso sprang out of nowhere, grabbing the nurse and dragging her back towards the door.

"Sorry about that!" said Doctor Rob, dragging her over, while she snarled and lashed and tried to escape. "I tell you! These crazy interns! You never really know what's on their mind! One minute you know what their doing and bam! Oh well, I won't bug you then!"

Seto just stared at the closed door.

"I know what you're thinking," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I hate this place too."

---ooo---

_Point of View Flashback Mode Activated…Subject: Wheeler, Serenity…rewind one month, sixteen days…stop…_

_I'm sitting alone in the waiting room. Mom and the doctor are talking. I already got the news. My sight finally caught up to me. My sight is on borrowed time. They don't know when it's going to run out. It could be in a month or two, it could be tomorrow. They don't know when I'll just…stop seeing._

_It's kind of hard to grasp it. I suppose I should have seen it coming. I always had bad vision, nothing glasses could fix. There's this radical new surgery I think, one that will give me a fifty-fifty chance of seeing again, but it's supposed to be really expensive…much more than anyone in my family could afford. And it could just be all for nothing._

_But…just for a chance…if only one chance…_

_I wonder what it's like to be blind. I wonder if it's completely black, like always having your eyes closed. I wonder if it's white, like a blank canvas, doomed forever to have nothing on it, no painters brush from some entity unknown to fill it's empty void. I wonder if it's all kinds of colors that swirl and twist in random patterns with no shape and meaning, or the fuzz of a broken television screen._

_I wonder what the color of nothing is. _

_I bet it's the same color as glass. Or water. Or air. Or something that you can feel, but can't see._

_I don't want to be blind. Mom…I'm sorry. I don't want to cause all of these problems for you. Everything you've been through has something to do with me. All this is…this is the last straw, I guess. You must be so tired of always taking care of me. And after all of this, I'll be utterly worthless to you. I'm glad you took me instead of dad, even though I miss Joey. I wonder if he turned out okay._

_I'm sorry I can't be normal Mom. I'd do anything so you won't have to keep going out of your way for me._

_Anything._

---ooo---

"Oh man, I hate this job," said one morgue attendant in the hospital, wheeling some dead body to the others. "This tops it. _This _is the worst summer job _ever_."

"Jeez, if the pay wasn't six bucks an hour…" said the other. "Boy, yesterday when you were out, they wheeled in this guy who died three days previously, and he had a spit-covered, three day old bean burrito in his pocket!"

"Ew…" said the other guy.

Unfortunately for the two morgue attendants, they were about to have have the snot scared out of them by Ryo, who was slowly waking up from his unfortunately timed afternoon nap.

"That was a…nice nap," he said dizzily, sitting up on the stretcher. "Huh, where…OH NO! JOEY AND THE MALE NURSES!"

At that moment, the eyes of Ryo and the eyes of the two morgue attendants met in horror.

"OH GOD! IT'S THE LIVING DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" screamed one of them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M IN A MORGUE!" screamed Ryo, who's eyes were the size of dinner plates.

"HE'S RISEN TO SEEK REVENGE ON HIS MURDERERS, AN ASSASIAN NAMED JOEY AND A BAND OF MALE NURSES!" screamed the other attendant, who obviously watched too many soap operas.

"I'M NOT DEAD! I'M NOT DEAD! I'M NOT DEAD!" Ryo screamed hysterically, stunned in place in the midst of a thousand dead bodies, also freaked out that there was a shoe on his one foot and a toe tag on the other.

"RUN!" screamed the two attendants, fleeing the morgue.

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" screamed Ryo, jumping out of the stretcher and chasing after the attendants.

"BEGONE SPIRIT!" screamed one of the attendants, throwing a very convenient portable cross at Ryo's forehead over his shoulder.

"OW! THAT HURT!" Ryo said, tears in his eyes.

---ooo---

"Oh…dear I'm afraid….I'll need to go back I can't…let him find tell everyone about the big needle I'll…just kill him now and get it…over…with it will be…easy I nearly got him before…"

Nurse Sharon took the needle, and tucked it safely under her arm, as she crept to Seto's room, and was just about to open the door when-"

"GANGWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed the two morgue attendants and Ryo, as they all ran down the hall, screaming at the top of their lungs, trampled Nurse Sharon, the needle nurse, into the dust, getting nasty foot prints all over her white nurses' uniform.

---ooo---

"Okay , this is quite possibly the most advanced surgery I've ever done," said one surgeon to his attendants. "If we succeed, this man will walk again. But if there's one tiny flaw in this operation, he could be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his natural life. I will need complete silence for the sake of consen-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A combination of Ryo's sobs, the two frantic morgue attendant's screams, and the maddening sound of a bunch of bottles, tins, tubes, and tubs crashed in the hallway as they all crashed into a supply cart caused all the doctors in the room to spasmodically flinch in shock.

Afterwards, as the calm sound of various items rolled down the hall, the surgeon and all of his attendant sat around their patient in silence.

"There goes our Christmas bonus," said one.

---ooo---

**INTERMISION!**

---ooo---

"Hey babe," said Joey to a male nurse, "you're a nice lookin' lady. Row, I bet all of those bad-boy doctors were just beggin' to have you for their lady."

"I'm a _male _nurse stupid," said the male nurse.

"Oh you horrible tease," said Joey. "I'd get sick any day of the week if _you _were my nurse baby!"

"JOEY! GET OVER HERE!" Serenity said, walking up to him and dragging him away by the back collar away from the poor male nurse.

"Um, he's not…well…" the male nurse said awkwardly.

"No, he's just an idiot," said Serenity.

"CALL ME!" Joey called as he was dragged back to the waiting room, by Serenity, once again bailing his sorry butt out of trouble.

"Joey, just sit down and…you can't read anything can you?" Serenity said.

"WOOT! A choo-choo train!" said Joey pulling out the wooden train from the bin of toys for little kids. "I'm the engineer! WOO WOO! Chuga chuga, chuga chuga-"

"Hey mista, it was my tuwn to pway wit da choo-choo twain," said a little five year old boy, pointing to da twain, ahem, the train.

"Pfft, yeah right!" said Joey. "I know how you snot-nosed brats worked! Walking around saying it's my turn, and not giving up the goods until-"

"MAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And then, crashing toward the waiting room in a furious, stomping march came a woman who was a solid seven feet tall, extremely buff, had a 'Mom' tattoo, yellow teeth, and a huge purse that had huge, spiky buttons all over it.

"You're mad aren't you?" Joey said sweetly, as the woman raised up her purse.

"JOEY! NO!" screamed Serenity, diving into the fray that was a whirlwind of dust, and the frightened shrieks of Joey, who was getting wailed by the huge, spiky purse that slammed into very uncomfortably places, especially around his face and posterior.

"Miss, tell that young man not to splatter himself all over the Waiting Room, would you?" called a receptionist to Serenity, who had somehow managed to drag Joey's limp and beaten up body out of the fight scene. She was just in time to see an exhausted Ryo drag himself back to the others, dragging the shoe he lost by one long lace behind him.

"Are you okay Ryo?" Serenity asked. "Did the leprechauns come back?"

"No…" Ryo muttered drowsily. "Weirdest thing. Someone mistook me for a dead person."

"As opposed to Joey, who is often mistaken for a brain dead person," said Serenity. "Jeez, I wonder how Seto's copping."

"Can't we see him?" Ryo asked.

"Nope, visiting hours ended an hour ago," Serenity said.

"Hmm…" thought Ryo.

---ooo---

"You have to see him because _why_?" asked the nurse.

"Because he is possessed by a great and terrible demon," said Serenity solemnly. "You see, he is a descendant of a family of grave robbers. Once, thousands of years ago, they defied the tomb of a great oriental king, and with it came a terrible curse. You see, he is now possessed by a spirit monster, with one purpose…kill every man, woman, and child on the entire planet, and feast on their flesh. And he appears every-"

She looked at the receptionist's lunar calendar on her desk.

"-two days after the moon's first quarter!" said Serenity.

"The only way we can stop it is if we can this unholy ghost is if we offer him the head of a brainless moron," said Ryo. "After a long search, we found one. Joey here."

"OH BOY! I'M AND AIRPLANE!" said Joey.

The receptionist just looked at them for a minute. Then, she pulled out her diary.

"Dear Diary," she said while writing, "I know it's impossible to believe, but today, I heard an excuse to get into the waiting room that was stupider than the people claiming their daughter would be abducted by aliens if they didn't see her-"

"Fine, I see we're going to need to get desperate," said Serenity, pulling out the pink boom box with pretty flowers from Chapter Eight. With that, she pushed the play button. "If we can't get in, I'll just have to stun you with the unholy jargon of Tom Jones music! COVER YOUR EARS RYO!"

Ryo frantically covered his ears, as the voice of Tom Jones started to sing 'She's a Lady', the receptionist's eyes suddenly bugged out, and she just stared at the boom box as it played, slack jawed and drooling.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Ryo yelled.

"SHE'S BEEN MIND WARPED!" yelled Serenity, so Ryo could hear her through his covered ears. "Come on! We only have an hour and twelve minutes before the tape stops and she snaps out of it!"

"Awesome!" Joey said, listening to the music.

"JOEY'S MIND CAN'T GET WARPED, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE, RIGHT?" Ryo asked.

"EXACTLY! AND I'VE BUILT UP AN IMUNITY! NOW LET'S GO!" Serenity said.

---ooo---

"Now we're going to figure out the perfect colors for your new living room Mr. and Mrs. Sillypants," said Martha Stewart. "Now, I was thinking of a nice olive for most of your furniture, and then some green blue, almost a teal and aqua mix for your trim-"

"Martha! It's terrible!" screamed one of her attendants. "All of our upholstery material just went missing in the mail! We don't know where it is!"

"Oh dear…" said Martha. "IT MUST BE THE WORK OF THE UPHOLSTERY BANDITS! Jeff, saddle my horse!"

"Alright!" said Jeff.

"And so," said the narrator, "Martha and Jeff, astride their noble steeds, set forth to vanquish the dreaded Upholstery Bandits, and save the innocent towns from the eternal torment of having to suffer through their iron fist of dictatorship-"

"I _love _this show!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Hooray for HGTV Theatre!"

Seto just glared at her.

"Look, when are you going to stop with this stupid dramatic silence?" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "If you don't stop, you're going to turn into an angsty Shouju Manga character. And you don't want that, do you?"

"TOOTH FAIRY! OH TOOTH FAIRY! ARE YOU IN THERE? AREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHEREAREYOUINTHERE-" screamed Joey, pounding on the door to Seto's room.

"Oh jeez," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, flicking off the TV.

"The doors unlocked Joey," said Ryo's voice outside the door as Joey continued to pound on the door and scream.

With a small grind on the tile floors, Serenity opened the door as Joey began to scream, and walk over to the opened up door to pound on it some more.

"Is Joey's brain on screen saver again?" Ryo asked. "Oh! Hi Seto! Are you feeling better?"

Seto just stared at him.

"Is something wrong? You look really, really pale," said Serenity.

"How bad did Pegasus hurt you? What happened? Did he kidnap you? Did he trap you?" asked Ryo.

"What did he do?" Serenity asked. "Did he beat you up? Did he torture you? Is there anything we can do to make you feel better? _Will_ you feel better? Do you need us to-"

"SILENCE FOOLS!" screamed Joey, leaping up onto the foot of Seto's bed and stood on it, freaking Seto out and nearly knocking the whole thing down. "Stop with your senseless, insufferable questions! Can you not see? Pegasus _obviously _captured the Tooth Fairy so that he not only could he beat him until he told him what he does with the teeth he collects, but also to shake him down for the quarters! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE? **STUPID!**"

Seto reached under his mattress and pulled out an aluminum baseball bat, and tossed the end of it up and down for dramatic effect.

"Wow!" Joey said. "That looks like it would hurt me if you-"

BAM!

Joey was no longer on Seto's bed, or talking. Problem solved.

Three second silence.

"I have a little brother," Seto said finally.

"YOU HAVE A WHAT?" Serenity and Ryo screamed.

"I gots no brain…" Joey said trying to stand up, as Seto clocked him on the head with his aluminum bat again.

"A little brother. Mokuba. He's five years younger than me." Seto said. "Pegasus kidnapped him…he's my only blood relative left…the only one left I care about anyway. It's a long story."

"Wow that's…different…" said Serenity.

"You're only family?" said Ryo. "You don't have a Mom or Dad?"

"They died…a long time ago," said Seto, slamming Joey again, who was trying to struggle up again. "We got adopted…to a man…who truly didn't have a heart. To put it the kindest sense, it rubbed off on me."

"Oh…" Serenity and Ryo said, both quietly and simultaneously.

"He'll never show his face again…anyway, he was very wealthy, so that made us wealthy too," Seto said.

"So that's why you have so much money!" said Ryo. "AND IT EXPLAINS THE POKEMON CARDS!"

"No it doesn't," said Serenity.

"Oh yeah," said Ryo.

"I get it. So Pegasus stole your money, and he wants you to hand over all your money and stuff, or you'll never get Mokuba back?" asked Serenity.

"That's pretty much it…" Seto said. "I was never going to tell you…but I did. I don't know what else to say."

"Do you need a hug?" Ryo asked cheerfully, spreading out his arms.

"_**ASK ME THAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU PANSY!"** _said Seto evily, holding the bat end right up to Ryo's face, as Ryo 'eeped' in shock.

"I was just trying to help!" Ryo sobbed.

Seto just sighed, and let his bat fall down to the ground with a small thunk.

"I went to Pegasus myself to get him back. That's what I tried to do from the start. I didn't want anyone to get in my way. But you three did anyway," Seto said. "I played him in a deadly game of…I can't say it, it would make you all sick. But now I lost…and there's no way I can get Mokuba back. He'll never accept a rematch from me…"

Seto didn't say anything else for a minute.

"I have nowhere to go…not even home…Pegasus won everything from me…" said Seto. "I just have to live the rest of my life…from here on out, I really don't expect anything to happen…I don't know what to do anymore…I'm just a misfit in an army of misfits…"

There was absolute silence.

"HEY!" said Serenity. "I just remembered! Life is like and inside out sweater!"

The other three looked at her like she was crazy.

"I'm serious!" she said. "Look, you know how a sweater, when turned inside out, has a bunch of snarls and knots and all that kind of junk stuck in it?"

The other three nodded, Ryo the hardest, since he owned one.

"Well, that's how life is like at times," said Serenity. "Sometimes, life is nothing but a huge snarl in front of you, and all you can see is those twisted snarls and knots. And sometimes you get so tangled up in them, and hit so far rock bottom, that it really seems like there's nothing but snarls and knots in life. But that's not true…"

She sighed.

"I have a confession…" she said. "I'm going blind…not here…I came from somewhere far away, possibly in another dimension, another universe, but there…within a month, I'll go completely blind."

"WHAT?" screamed Ryo.

"No way!" yelled Joey.

"What the…" Seto said.

"Yeah, I know…" said Serenity. "And the day before I came here, I had a really bad day, and my mom told me that life was like an inside-out sweater. I didn't really get the full jist of everything…but when I met you three, it was different. Because I made a wish on some star that I'd go to a place where I could see and find friends. And so if I never was going to go blind, I would have never made that wish, and I would have never met the three of you..."

Ryo was all out crying, and Joey was on his way.

"And in a way, if we all didn't have some kind of trouble with our lives, wouldn't we all have never met each other?" said Serenity. "So, with all our snarls, we managed to make perfect stitches on the other side of the sweater. And in a way, even if were all misfits, don't you think we all gave each other something? Didn't Joey's courage make up for Ryo's lack of it? Don't you think Seto's intelligence made up for Joey's lack of it? Don't you think Ryo's heart made of for Seto's lack of it? So in a way, does all of us being misfits somehow make us all, when put together, the ultimate team?"

"Whoa…" Joey said.

"When I do go back to my home, my real one…if I really do go blind…I know I'll be sad sometimes…but you all gave me something to take home with me. I'll never regret coming here at all. Never. I really do believe that somewhere out in space, far away from her, is a side of the sweater that has no snarls," said Serenity. "And if Pegasus won't except a rematch from Seto…I'll shall play this horrific game thingit for Seto's little brother back instead.

"THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Ryo in tears.

"In a disgustingly sweet sort of way," said Seto, but he didn't hit Joey when he got up and jumped over the bed to get to Serenity.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" screamed the receptionist from outside the doorway.

"I guess the Tom Jones CD is over," said Ryo.

**1:42 AM**

"Serenity, I can't sleep," said Joey, hugging a pink teddy bear from the toy chest, while cuddling on his pillow. He, Serenity, and Ryo all got a pillow to sleep on in the waiting room of the hospital, since they had no where else to go.

"We know Joey," said Serenity. "You've been reminding us for the past two hours."

"I hope Seto get's better by tomorrow so we can get to Rhinestone City," said Ryo. "Tomorrow, I'll have all the courage in the world!"

"And I'll get the Knowledge of Intelligent Smartness!" said Joey.

"And I'll be back home with my Mom!" said Serenity.

"Hey Serenity…remember when you were telling us about the sweater?" said Joey.

"You didn't mention anything that you had that helped us," said Ryo.

"Well…I don't really know what I have that you don't have…other than the second X chromosome," said Serenity.

"Maybe…it's that weird little something that's impossible to describe, but is kinda…special…" said Joey. "THAT'S IT! I know what Serenity gave us! She gave us something completely different!"

"You know Joey…I don't think I could have put it any better," said Ryo.

"Thank you…" Serenity said.

"Are you really glad you met me and Ryo and the Tooth Fairy?" Joey asked.

"Of course I am…" Serenity said.

---ooo---

"WOW! THIS IS AMAZING!" screamed Doctor Rob. "Oh, Doctor Rob is _very _pleased! Doctor Rob wants to sing a little song! WOO HOO! I ROCK! I ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!

"Yeah, whatever, just sign my release papers before I beat you within an inch of Joey's life," said Seto.

"No problem!" said Doctor Rob, scribbling a very fancy signature on the release papers in the waiting room in front of the gang. "Oh, I probably should tell you one more thing."

"Yes?" asked Serenity.

"I'm not a doctor," said Doctor Rob.

"…what?" Serenity asked.

"Nope, not a doctor," said Doctor Rob, smiling sweetly, then running away in fear as hew was chased by two cops that came out of nowhere.

"Can we please go now?" asked Ryo.

"I know I don't want to come back here again," said Serenity. "We're off to see the Wizard!

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD!" screamed Joey.

"We're off to see the wizard!" Ryo chirped cheerfully.

"This is so stupid," said Seto.

And so, reunited at last, and for perhaps the first time, our heroes set off to find their dreams, side by side-

---ooo---

Shri: (_talking while typing_)-ready…to…face…everything…and…anything …ahead…together…period. (_Presses 'Enter'_) I did it! I did it! I finally wrote the incredibly dramatic chapter! I DID IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Dad: Awesome! Let's celebrate by listening to Tom Jones! (_Starts Dancing to 'Sex Bomb'_)

Shri: MY EYES! THEY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!

---ooo---

Rant time!

First of all, may I say YAY! I finally finished the extreme drama chapter! Second, I can't believe it that it's more thanseven thousand words! That's usually enough to make a solid two chapters from me. And third, WAAAAAH! THAT MEANS THAT THERE ARE ONLY ABOUT SEVEN CHAPTERS LEFT OF THIS STORY!

Anyway, I'm really proud of this chapter. I really think I managed to wed good humor with solid dramatic bits. I'm very content. And I hope all of you like it to, assuming you managed to read it all.

One last thing. The next update may be a week late. It depends how fast I can write the next chapter. I'm a little behind.

Okay, thank you so much for reading again! Here's a look at our next chapter! PH34R TH3 R3TURN 0F T34!

---ooo---

"Well jeez! Can't you read?" Tea asked our four friends.

"No…" Joey said.

"Read what?" asked Serenity.

"This sign!" said Tea, holding out a sign that said 'The bell's out of order you losers. KNOCK DANGIT!'.

"Oh…" said Serenity, knocking.

"Much better," said Tea. "Welcome to Rhinestone City, the Capital of Cuz be CUZ it's cool!"

Silence in the wake of a bad joke.

"I HATE MY JOB!" screamed Tea, pressing the huge red button that opened the door.

---ooo---

And now 'til next time, adios muchachos.


	28. If I Only Had a Chapter That Had Nothing

And remember, you're special…just like everyone else…

Before I get too far into this, I wish to condone my sympathy to all of those who were somehow involved in the London Bombing on Thursday.

Hello once again, and congratulations for surviving the extreme drama chapter! WOOT! Oh, in case anyone noticed, by accident I labeled it as chapter Twenty Eight instead of chapter Twenty Seven. Sorry.

Anyway, in regards to the last chapter of extreme drama, I had a mixed bag of reviews. Some people thought it was cool, some people thought it was weird. I don't really mind either. If people like the drama or they don't, that's okay. I have a mixed taste of drama too, so I don't blame anyone for liking it or disliking it.

However, it did give me an idea for a new chapter. It's a sick twist between an actual chapter, a short, and a one shot, and with enough insanity to make an elephant explode. I'm not kidding.

I know I premiered a chapter for when the gang makes it to Rhinestone City, but this chapter was so good, I just couldn't let the idea drop. Anyway, we'll be back to the 'regular' story line next week. It also introduces the main character from many of my fan fictions that are made at home and will never see the light of day. This one will scare you. SEVERE OOC IS ON THE WAY! Some of it is sick, wrong, and overall hilarious. I hope you enjoy.

Three things you should know before we start: Has nothing to do with actual story line. Is full of random insanity that does not make sense. It introduces my own character, Shel, helpless passer by to all the insanity ahead.

Review time!

Imperfect Paradise

Boy, people just keep coming up with these awesome pennames!

I'm glad people continue to like the insanity of this story. Yep, what's life without heartless jerks lugging around aluminum baseball bats?

Poor Ryo. That's all I can say.

Thank you for managing to read this entire story, as well as having the courage to review it! I hope you like this chapter too!

LoneFlyinTigers

HELLO TO YOU!

Thank you for the super nice review! I actually plan to do another fan fiction staring our four good friends after I'm finished writing my next full length. I hope you like that one too!

I must have been seriously sugar high when I thought of Joey going for male nurses…he really does scare me sometimes…

THANK YOU FOR LUGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL CHAPTER! I hope you enjoy the next chapter, which is pretty much comic relief! INSANITY AT IT'S FINEST!

Funky Egyptian

Wazzup Funky? (Waves violently)

I'm glad you really liked the last chapter so much! Thank you so very, very much for the nice adjectives! And I'm glad you and Yugi are enjoying your invisible car! WOOT!

May this chapter make you laugh your pants off. THANK YOU TONZIES!

Numbah 499999999

Thank you! I think it's wacky too!

Bilbo-Sama

Hi Bilbo-Sama! What up?

I understand completely. Sometimes we like the angst, sometimes we don't.

Heeheehee, I sometimes crack myself up reading other people's fan fictions, or sometimes writing my own, and my massive giggling fits make everyone in my family give me odd looks. But it's true. Being the older sister rocks!

SWEET HOME ALABAMA! (pulls out chainsaw I got for my birthday) Best birthday present ever! (Saws TV in half, then magically comes back together) Hope you like this chapter!

Dark Princess Saz

I like it when your employees and friends review! I find them to be very funny!

Amiyay! Owhay are ouyay odaytay? Am I aringsay ouya etyay? Antway omesay oxorbays? I ovelay inkpay! (HA HA HA HA!) Sorry, that was mean, but fun.

You know, I think I'd like to take that survey…ANYWAY! Thank you for the nice review! I OPEHAY OUYAY IKELAY ISTHAY APTERCHAY!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Hello again! Thanks for the info on the fanart site!

Thank you for reviewing! Yes, it was a bit sappy…BUT THIS CHAPTER SURE AS HECK ISN'T! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT TONZIES!

Gothangelmyu

And Seto afraid of mice, Ryo getting mauled by leprechauns, Joey going after male nurses and Serenity kicking major butt _isn't _out of character!

Sometimes, even humor writers have depressing days, or feel like torturing readers, or actually having a spoonful of seriousness in our stories once in a while! That's why we occasionally write drama. But it's mostly to torture the readers. We like their screams of pain.

EVIL TOM JONES!

I think the questions was everyone's favorite part, strangely enough. BUT I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THE FUNNINESS! I hope you enjoy the next chapter, which is just as funny!

Mizz-Serenity Wheeler

Aw…sorry for the broken ankle! (Gives basket of chocolate and money) FEEL BETTER!

I tried the alt thing, but it didn't work. Sorry.

But thank you for taking the time to risk your sanity by reading the last chapter! THANK YOU AGAIN YOU ARE SO NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!

L-Chan the Insignificant

YAY! I'm glad you liked the drama! Ah…FRUITS BASKET! I can't wait 'til Sunday! That's when I force Mom to drive me to Borders to pick up all my Manga stories that got translated!

The psychotic nurse was indeed incredibly funny to write. I also enjoyed writing about Doctor Rob. Sometimes I just don't trust doctors…

Thank you so much for the Happy Fourth of July! YOU ROCK! I hope you like this chapter as much!

Lefthandedfreak

Ryo's stunt is incredibly random and dangerous, especially in a hospital. The stunt is not to be tried to home!

Oh you poor innocent writer. A _receptionist_? There must be some really weird names out there. I own one…why do you think I write under a super-secret pen name? (well, the pen name's not a secret, but my real name is!)

Thank you for the nice review! By Josh! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

I'm glad you think I did a good job! Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

ShadowFire2

I'm glad you liked the chapter! And I'm glad I brightened up your week! Did something bad happen?

I love that idea! Bwa ha ha…NIGT OF THE LIVING RYO! PH34R!

I FINISHED UP THE ONE SHOT I GOT FROM YOUR IDEA! I hope you like it! Please enjoy this super-weird chapter as well!

Fluffy Bunny

Thank you for saying that! It really makes me feel happy!

Heeheehee, Croquet has a nice butt, doesn't he? I LUVED THAT VOLUME! I think I'm going to like the next one too.

THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

Serenity-yugigoh-fan05

HEY! I MISSED YOU!

Thank you for the review! Enjoy this one as well!

Nous reunirons encore

Thank you very much for the two nice reviews! I'll read your story as soon as I can!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT  
**If I Only Had a Chapter That Was Untitled

"Wow, that was a weird last chapter!" said a girl named Shel, sixteen years old, super long black hair, brown eyes, and glasses, as she walked down the road to a local coffee shop that sells both sugary baked goods _and _coffee.. "I really should stop reading fanfic. It's rotting my brain. And a few other things. Must…banish…Shrilanka-San's insanity…must eat…unhealthy sweets…"

As she walked into the coffee shop, called The Angry Cat That Sits behind a Blue Door and Waits to Slaughter Innocent Passerbys Café, after kicking away the angry cat who jumped from behind the door when she opened the door, she walked up to the rusty brown haired counter owner, who was swabbing it clean. Oddly, there was no one else in the coffee shop.

"Um…hi," said Shel nervously, obviously figuring something was not right. "May have a bag of coffee beans and a small Apple Danish please?"

"Sorry, we're out," said the brunette.

"Um…out?" asked Shel. "How come we're out, em, Serenity?"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" screamed Serenity in shock.

"Well it's on your nametag!" said Shel, pointing to the nametag Serenity wore.

"Oh…yes…I forgot," said Serenity. "But we're out. Of everything. Coffee, pastries, you name it."

"But your machines are up and running," said Shel, pointing to the coffee machines by the cash register. "And you've got a huge rack of baked goods in a glass case right next to you!"

"LIES!" screamed Serenity, trying to cover up the rack with her body.

"Okay…what's going on here?" asked Shel.

"Why are you here?" Serenity asked.

"What?" Shel asked.

"Did you read online fan fiction?" asked Serenity.

"Well yeah, but-" Shel started.

"Did you recently read a fan fiction called 'The Wizard of Cuz' written by Shrilanka-San?" asked Serenity.

"Well, yes actually, just a few minutes ago…" Shel said.

Serenity's faced was consumed in a look of pure horror. She reached under the counter and pulled up a hand gun, which she held up in front of Shel. Shel automatically screamed and threw her hands up in the air.

"Alright, now I won't shoot if you answer a couple of questions," said Serenity. "How did you like it?"

"W-what?" Shel asked, eyes transfixed on the gun in Serenity's hands.

"How did you like Chapter Twenty-Seven?" Serenity asked.

"It was okay!" Shel cried in horror. "It was like the other chapters!"

"No! The drama! Did you like or dislike the drama?" Serenity asked.

"I don't know! It was part of the story! Who cares if it was there or not? And why are you asking me about my opinion of a fan fiction chapter?" Shel asked.

"Oh god, not another!" screamed Serenity, grabbing Shel by the wrist and pulling her out of the store. "I hoped this wouldn't happen! We have to get you out of here! They'll get you!"

"What the heck's going on?" Shel screamed.

"Just get on the motorcycle," Serenity said, hopping on her purple motorcycle with hot rod flames painted on it sides, tossing Shel a helmet. "I'll explain on the way. Believe me, this is for your own good!"

"N-AAAARGH!" screamed Shel, as the helmet was roughly shoved on her head, yanked on the back of the motorcycle, and the motorcycle was fired up, then shooting out toward the edge of town.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" screamed Shel, as she screamed down the road on Serenity's motorcycle.

"Listen to this!" said Serenity, tossing back a high-tech portable television, which screen was full of a title shot, 'What's Going On'. "This should explain everything!"

"Hello, and welcome to this weeks edition of 'What's Going On'," said a reporter on the screen. "Tonight, we look at the global shock being caused by the latest episode of a not-quite-popular-but-okay-on-most-lines online fan fiction on Fan Fiction dot Net, 'The Wizard of Cuz', a mindless story of a high school girl named Serenity Wheeler and her brainless, heartless, and courageless friends."

"That's me!" Serenity said proudly.

"Recently, however, the story has taken a dramatic swing away from it normal genre by inducing a massive amount of drama into it's latest chapter, 'If I Only Had a Big Needle'. This torn readers apart on the lines of whether this drama added something or took away something from the story line, and thus created two organizations that are on a power struggle for supreme domination of all the land."

"WHAT?" screamed Shel.

"Recently, the formation of the SPWRLD, the Society of People Who Really Like Drama, has formed under the leadership and psychoticness of the freakish spin off of a character from the popular Manga Fruits Basket, Tohru Honda the Homocidal Maniac. Their opposing force is headed by another ripped off character, Agent Momiji Sohma, to Form SPWDLD, the Society of People Who Don't Like Drama. Now, a war in the underground has broken out for control of Shrilanka-San's writing style. Should drama be used in other stories? Should it ever be used in this book again? Can we please beat Joey up? These questions have sparked wars involving mean comments, throwing plushies at each other, and even all out wars using grenade launchers that shoot out bowls of pudding-"

"Wow, I had no idea," said Shel.

"So far, it's only been fought in the backstreets," said Serenity. "However, due to the increasing media circus, public outcry, and lack of substances to counter all the consumption of sugar and caffeine, there is really no hope of a quick and easy way out of this mess until the next chapter is released. So until next Friday, you're going to need to hide out."

"Wait, no! What about my family and-" Shel started.

"They'll be informed of your safety," said Serenity, stopping right next to a dark street, considering all the lights were shot out. As Shel was shoved out of the motorcycle, a cuddly plushie cat was shoved into her hands as her helmet was yanked off her head.

"Go straight down that alley until you see our crew," said Serenity. "Show them the plush toy. They'll take you to safety."

Before Shel could say another word, Serenity fired up the motorcycle and bolted off, leaving a very confused Shel, gripping a plush toy, alone next to the huge alley.

"This is not good…" she said simply, carrying the plush toy. "This is not good at all…"

"Yo sweetheart," said a voice behind her, coming from a brunette and blonde dressed in strapless belly shirts, the brunette's was white, the blonde's was red with black lace, the blonde with a pair of black hot pants, the brunette with a micro mini, and knee-high, and both with jodhpur boots, with assorted bracelets and necklaces, both with a pair of sunglasses.

"Whatcha doing crawlin' around in this alley sweetheart?" asked the brunette.

"Um…nothing…" said Shel.

"I don't know Tohru," said the blonde one. "I don't trust this one. Look at that plush toy. Weird."

"Tohru Honda?" Shel said. "Your the one who runs the Societ of People yatta yatta!"

"How do you know that?" asked Tohru acidly.

"Um…I guessed!" said Shel.

"Well heck! If everyone could guess as well as that, we wouldn't need detectives, would we Spirit?" said Tohru.

"No way!" said Spirit. "So tell us sweetie. Are you for the drama or against it?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about!" Shel said.

"I knew it! She's a neutral!" said Tohru. "Take this one out Spirit. We'll take her downtown and change her-"

"YOU MEANIES!"

**BANG!**

Out of nowhere, a midair spiny kick outed both of the would-be kidnapers by a pair of tall, pink platform boots. Shel's hero was wearing an off-white short skirt with little pleats at the bottom, cream shirt with green stripes and straps, and a belt which held a six-shot revolver. Also, she was covered in really girly friendship bracelets, assorted length necklaces, two small, black hoop earrings, and a black headband that went through her short, brown hair.

"Hi there!" said a female form of Seto, complete with Mai's figure and huge, girly blue eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Shel screamed in horror.

"My names Seta!" Seta said happily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you want to be my best friend?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you like puppies?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Hey! That's the plush toy Serenity gives to people who are neutrals!" said Seta happily, grabbing Shel's wrist. "Yay! That means I get to help you! Come on new best friend, let's go find Joe Ghatti!"

---ooo---

"JOEY! HEY JOEY! OPEN THE DOOR JOEY! I FOUND A NEW BEST FRIEND TO PLAY WITH!" Seta screamed at the top of (her?) lungs and pounded hard on the door of a broken down warehouse, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"WOULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN SETA?" screamed Joey, opening the door. He was wearing all black, with a slick look to his blond hair, a black hat on top of it, and sunglasses over his eyes. "Do you want I should break one of your incisorz or what? Oh. Perfect, another one. Joe Ghatti's got another customer…alright, who is she?"

"SHE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND!" said Seta happily.

"Uh, she's gaht Serenity's Plush. Dat's not good, we have to go out in the madness," said Joey. "Fugetaboutit. Get her in the car lady."

---ooo---

"Okay catz, 'erez the deal. I'm only sayin' diz once, so ya betta lizen up-DANGIT SETA, STOP BOUNCIN IN DA BACK!" yelled Joey.

"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed Seta, happily bouncing in the back with Shel, who still wasn't talking due to the horror of everything she just witnessed. They were all driving in a gangster car straight out of a mob movie, except that it was pink and covered with girly flowers like something from The Partridge Family.

"SHADDAP!" said Joey. "Okay toots, here'z da deal. Ya see, wez gonna take you outta the city, jeyust for a week, til thouse crazy fangirls high tail it off Joey turf. Hanyway, we're headin to a small town called Saneville. Population there ain't very high, ya know what I mean. Hanyway, once all dis trouble brews down, we take ya back sweethaht."

"I'll miss you best frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend," Seta said sadly, hugging Shel. However, it turned out that this was not the best move, due to the fact that the entire ceiling of the car caved in, which caused Seta to scream in shock. There, on the roof, also dressed like people in the mob, were Tea and Tristan, wearing identical black jackets, black shirts, black mobster hats, and black pants over black boots. How they managed to stand on the roof of the car, due to the fact that Joey was going at excess 157 miles per hours, ramping of several cars that didn't have the reflexes to get out of his way.

"Alright budy," said Tea threateningly. "I givez you five dollas last week. Todayz da day you sez you give 'em back. I ain't seein any five dollaz, capishe?"

"Kinda busy," said Joey.

"Look youz, if you don't hand ovah da five in da next ten secondz, ya litta chick dere'z goin' down town wid uz," said Tristan, pulling out a tomygun.

"Seta? You can have her," said Joey.

"Yay! More new friends!" said Seta.

"No! The four-eyed chick!" said Tea, also with a tomygun.

"FOUR EYED?" said Shel.

"Ya can't avah," said Joey.

"Fine!" said Tea. "Den da T-Crew, da badezt catz wit names dat begin wit 't', are gonna wipe da floor wit ya guts! Sayah prayers you-"

"OH NO!" screamed Seta, who was pointing to a huge beam of electric blue light that came from the sky out of nowhere and was firing right at the car. "RUN EVERYONE! IT'S A DUCK BEAM!"

And before our heroes could say or do anything else, the Duck Beam knocked Tea and Tristan into the car, which in two seconds flat, suddenly began to fill up with a variety of species of ducks. Amidst all the quacking and horror like that, Seta, in one last desperate attempt to save her friend for a horrible fate, grabbed Shel by the back of her shirt and threw her out the humongous hole in the car roof.

"RUN SHEL!" Seta screamed, as the ducks in the car piled higher. "SAVE YOURSELF!"

"Mmft mh mll!" said a angry Joey, completely engulfed in a huge pile of mallards, who were quacking their beaks off. "MLL! Mh mtth mt mrr, mmmdt!"

---ooo---

_To whom it may concern;_

_I found that crude joke about a duck beam in a car full of two of your main characters pretending to be mob leaders (as well as some not so main ones) to be in incredibly poor taste. The pink I can understand, but the ducks are inexcusable. And Seto isn't even the same gender he is supposed to be. I found this to be very sick and wrong. _

_So unless you somehow manage to squeeze in Ryo Bakura, and make him a savvy, sedater kind of person, and Momiji in a black tutu within the next two paragraphs, I will shut this chapter immediately._

_Sincerely,_

_The FF dot net system admin._

---ooo---

Shel was running as fast as she could from the horrific scene that she just saw as fast as her legs could carry her. This had turned out to be the worst day of her life. What started out as one quick stop at a local coffee shop to pick up a Danish and a back of coffee for her parents turned into a mad scramble for survival amidst a bunch of psychotic fictional characters. She sat on the sidewalk for a moment to catch her breath, but it turned out not to be the best idea.

"Careful love," said the cooing voice of Ryo Bakura behind her, wrapping both of his arms around her neck gently, while the image of Momiji Sohma in a black tutu was silhouetted in the shadows. "Don't go and fret over those silly little people. You'll ruin that terribly adorable face of yours."

"Wh…what are you doing?" Shel asked in horror, slipping out of Ryo's arms.

"Oh my little sugar drop, don't fret," said Ryo in a sedative sort or voice, wearing a black sweater vest with a white dress shirt underneath, with a pair of half-moon, green sunglasses and a few bracelets on his arms. "Me and my dear friend Momiji aren't like those naughty people. We're interested in you, little pretty, and just how much power you have to end this terrible war for supremacy of the underground…"

"Okay, that's it," said Shel, backing away and pointing to Momiji in his black tutu. "I know who you are. You're the head of the Society of People Who Don't Like Drama or something like that! But what are you…"

"Oh, don't worry about Ryo," said Momiji, gliding toward Shel on his black ballet slipers, also speaking in a sedative ton. "You see, he got tired of all the stupidity that's going on in the story, so he decided to go on our side, you know, just to break away from all of those neutral fools-"

"Okay, that's it," said Shel. "I am so outta here!"

"Now now sweetie, we don't have to be rash, do we?" asked Ryo, grabbing her hand and pulling her.

"That Duck Ray was very expensive to rent my dear," said Momiji. "I'm sure you're the kind of person who enjoys nothing but a good chance to laugh your head off, don't you think?"

"Okay, you're really creeping me out," said Shel.

"And if not, well, what are mood alternating, obedience inducing collars for?" said Ryo, turning to Momiji. "Hand me one of them, will you dear?"

"Sure!" said Momiji, pulling them out of a black, teddy bear book bag.

"Now then sweet-oh dear, she ran off," said Ryo, turning to see that Shel had ran away.

---ooo---

_To whomever it may concern;_

_I found Ryo and Momiji to not be as amusing as I hoped they would be. So now I've decided I'm completely bored with this pathetic chapter. Hurry up and wrap it up._

_Sincerely,_

_The FF dot Net system admin_

---ooo---

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Shel at the top of her lungs as she charged down the road at full speed to try to get away from all of the insanity. However, the second she did, she collided with Mai, who happened to be casually walking down the road with Mobster.

"Hey, this is a sidewalk, not a thruway!" said Mai. "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

"Please, you have to help me!" screamed Shel. "There are a bunch of weird people chasing after me, and it's all because I read a stupid fan fiction chapter, and now I'm stuck in a spin off of a Megatokyo chapter thing! You have to help me!"

"Oh God, not another one," said Mai, walking behind Shel and handcuffing her. "Oh well, now we may finally be able to end this thing."

"Uh…why are you handcuffing me?" Shel asked

"Don't worry sweets, you want this underground war for supremacy to stop, right?" asked Mobster.

"Um…yes?" asked Shel.

"Good, because your going to be the prize that determines who gets it," said Mobster. "Stop struggling. That's politics for you."

----ooo---

"Okay boys and girls, here's the drill," said Mai, yelling into a huge megaphone to a crowd of people who were wearing T-shirts that either said 'Drama Rox My Sox' or 'Read Drama and Die' on a raised platform, next to Shel, who was tied to a chair. "This girl here is quite possibly the last neutral in town, so were going to end all of this right now. Here's how it's gonna work. Each of you will write an essay under one hundred words why you should get the girl. The best essay will get her. Since your numbers are basically even, whoever gets her wins supremacy, and the other half has to drag their sorry ends out of town. We will, however, except generous bribes, the minimum amount being twenty five dollars. You have thirty minutes to write your essays and hand over your check and/or money to my associate Mobster, who will be on stage with the collector box in a matter of minutes. We will not accept credit. I repeat, we will _not _except credit-"

----ooo---

_To whom it may concern;_

_For the last time, this fiction is getting annoying. You're not wrapping it up fast enough! When, dangit, are you going to finish up this toe rag you call a-_

**BANG!**

"_He_ was getting annoying," said Shrilanka-San at FF dot Net's west coast headquarters, holding a huge dead tuna fish, which she had just used to knock him right out of his swivel chair.

---ooo---

_Oh god, _Shel thought. _Is this how it's going to end?_

"-you will be fined fifty dollars if you try to pay through credit, with a slight service tax attached if the card isn't yours-" Mai continued to say.

"I can't let you do this…" said a quiet voice from the crowd.

"What?" asked Mai.

"I can't let you do this…it figures…no one cares about me anymore…" said ASV, climbing onto the platform. "Ever since Momiji made an appearance in this fic, it's always been Momiji this, and Momiji that, and he's so darn cute that Momiji…no one cares about my feelings anymore…"

"What the-" Mai started.

"DANGIT! I'm supposed to be the cute one in this fanfiction!" said ASV, pulling out the Morality Hammer. "And now this! That's it! I can't let this go on! I'm putting my foot down! AND IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LEARN A LITTLE LESSON!"

**SCENE MISSING**

Shel stared in shock at everything she just witnessed.

"Well that takes care of them!" ASV said sweetly as he walked back to Shel. "Oh dear, they tied you up. Honestly," he said, starting to undo the ropes that bound up Shel. "I don't know how these things happen. Some fangirls just get a little extreme. Oh well, all said and done. Maybe by the time they regain consciousness, everything will be back to normal."

Shel was still too shocked to speak as the ropes fell down.

"You still look really pale though," said ASV. "I've got a First Aid Kit if your hurt…and a Super Ultra Medipack. Oh, and don't worry about your ride home, I already called your parents. Your Dad said he's heading over. Oh! By the way, Seta asked me to give you her number. She wants to know if you'd like to go shopping on Saturday. Oh well! Bye now!"

And as ASV happily skipped away, Shel was still left sitting in shock on the podium, amidst a sea of people lying unconscious in the street.

---ooo---

"What a rotten chapter," said Shel, after finishing reading the previous chapter, switching over to Slifer02's _Soul Hunter Family Life._

---ooo---

I don't own cars, or Super Ultra Medipaks, or Tohru Honda or Momiji, or the system admin, or a huge dead tuna! Or Slifer02 and the really cool fanfic _Soul Hunter Family Life _that Slifer02 has written!

Oh well! Thank you for reading this chapter! I'm walking for cancer research tonight, wish me luck! And next week, we'll be back to the usual insanity. Thank you for tolerating the randomness! Good night.


	29. If I Only Had Tommy the Tapeworm

_You know what your problem is? You don't have a sense of humor._

-An actual quote directed at me by one of my relatives.

IT'S HARRY POTTER WEEKEND! I even smuggled a Harry Potter Book from Canada (not really, just a joke) and Seto can't read it until Joey learns how to read so he can read it (which will take about ten years).

I got quite a couple reviews complaining that they didn't have a clue what the last chapter was about. **REMINDER: THE LAST CHAPTER HAD ABSOULUTLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY! **I only wrote it because I just thought that making all the characters in my story go completely out of character would be funny.

I also got a few thinking that it was too weird. Sorry, I probably could have been a little clearer on those lines too. I'm sorry if anyone freaked out last chapter. I was just being me…and I guess I was a little too much like myself…DARN IT! That makes my second chapter with less than pleased reviews…

And for the record, Seta and Seto are NOT the same person. Seta is Seto's female counterpart, NOT the real Seto! Seto is a GUY, he always was a GUY, and he always will be a GUY! Sheesh!

Anyway, if I haven't scared all of you off, hello! Welcome to the twenty ninth chapter of our series! This one, as a reminder WE ARE BACK TO THE REGULAR (ish) STORY LINE! And yay! This chapter introduces the final member of the Dream Tweens! The Dream Tweens are actually products of my fan fiction stories I write at home. They're the same characters as Mobster, ASV, and who you're going to meet next. Actually, in my home fan fics, the personalities of ASV and Mobster are a little different then how they are in this story. ASV sort of has a bitter/kind friendship with the character your going to meet. Also, Mobster isn't nearly as much as an anglophile. But it was so fun to turn Mobster in to my Mom. I hope she forgives me (heh heh!). But I think I pretty much nailed the third character's personality perfectly, even though in my home fanfics, like ASV, he doesn't have the same name. Mobster kept her real name in both.

Okay, one last rant. **I WANT TO HAVE A POPULARITY CONTEST WITH MY CHARACTERS! **If you want to cast in your two cents, here's how it works. All you have to do is list your top three favorite characters in this fic, in the order of the one you like the most first, your second favorite second, and the third last. I figured it would be a little easier then finding one character to vote for. Anyway the scoring system is that the person you vote for first will get three points, the one second will get two points, and the third will get one. I thought it would be kind of fun to see what characters are popular in this fic. **YOU HAVE UNTIL WHEN I POST CHAPTER THIRTY ONE TO CAST YOUR VOTE! **

Alright, enough ranting! REVIEW TIME!

Imperfect Paradise

Seta came from a land called my imagination, just down the road of main street, take a right, and your there.

I didn't think it was pointless. It gave me a chance to mess with my character's heads, and, it looks like, my readers heads as well. Seriously though, if you didn't like it, I promise this chapter will be better.

Thank you for taking the time to review me! I hope you like this chapter better!

L-Chan the Insignificant

There I was, thinking I was going to get floored by horrible reviews, for the first time dreading to open my mailbox, until suddenly, I remembered that L-Chan the Insignificant reads my story! Thank you for saving _my _sanity!

Thanks for the good luck. Our team did an awesome job, but other teams earned as much as twenty thousand dollars from it! I'm really happy, as a total, everyone made over one hundred thousand dollars! That's more than ten billion yen! WOOT! Plus it was an awesome work out!

THANK YOU TONS AS USUAL L-CHAN THE INSIGNIFICANT! Help yourself to some cookies!

ShadowFire2

I'm not always for drama myself. Sometimes they can be way to dreary and depressing. Sometimes they can be really good. It's just finding the perfect one. I really liked Shaylo's work for a while, but she's not an author on this site anymore! T.T

Your situation would probably annoy the heck out of me to. I probably would do the same thing you did…

HOPE THIS CHAPTER MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER! Thank you for liking _THE HEALTH CLASS FANFIC OF SC4R33 D00M _as well! I was really hoping it would be to your liking!

Hope you like this chapter!

Funky Egyptian

Sorry about the elephant.

ACH! I FORGOT YUGI! (Hugs Yugi Plushie) FORGIVE ME! Don't worry though, Yugi's doomed to make another appearance in this story yet (sharpens knives of torture).

Hope you like this chapter Funky!

Cute Lil Yami

Thank you CLY!

Hooray for neutrals! Don't tell…they'll come for us…

ASV really turned out to be the saving grace in this chapter, which goes with my theory that everyone likes ASV, even completely heartless people. That's why Takahashi-Sensei made Seto turn into a teenage jerk, so he wouldn't get floored by fan letters saying 'SETO IS SO DARN CUTE!' (lol).

Yay! My very own action figures! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Please like this chapter THAT HAS ASV IN IT! Cheers

Bilbo-Sama

Sorry. THAT CHAPTER HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY! I just felt like doing a random chapter, I thought it was funny, and I kinda went along with it. Sorry.

Thank you for taking time to review anyway! This chapter should be better.

Gothangelmyu

Wasn't it though?

That was kinda the word I was looking for, but I was wondering if I could get away with it in a PG rated fic. Which is stupid, considering I got away with everything else. I just thought that people would get what I'm saying. Also, I just had the Time Warp in my head (You're spaced out on sensation, LIKE YOUR UNDER SE-DAAAA-SHOOOOOON-you know the rest), and push came to shove.

Sorry. I sometimes can't help but put Fruits Basket characters in my fics. Tohru Honda the Homicidal maniac is kind of a hard joke to understand if you don't read the story. You see, Tohru, the leading lady, is actually a very girly character in short skirts who bounces around helping people and thinks fighting is wrong and stuff. Momiji is extremely cute, but he does kind of wear girly outfits (there are a _lot _of girly men in Fruits Basket. That's why I like it!), so I figured a black tutu wasn't far out of what he'd wear. There! The basic idea of the insanity!

THANK YOU SO MUCH AS USUAL! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

It is kind of weird, isn't it?

Wow, it sounds like you've been having a really tough week! POOR YOU! (Gives candy) I hope this helps you out! And I made this chapter extra funny for you! I hope you like it, my most faithful reviewer! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AND FEEL BETTER!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Everyone loves to mess with Seto! Even if you happen to like him!

Thank you for liking this chapter! I couldn't find a spare spot to stick Alister in the story, BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS! He is in a one-shot I just put out, _Business as Usual_! Why don't you read it? I think you'll like it!

Thank you so much for the fun review! ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE!

LoneFlyinTigers

YES! FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO REALIZES THAT SETO ISN'T A GIRL, AND HE AND SETA AREN'T THE SAME PERSON! (Hugs) THANK YOU LONEFLYINTIGERS!

Thank you soooooo much! Enjoy this chapter!

Serenity-yugigoh-fan05

Thank you so much for the review! I read your updated chapter, and it rocked!

Please enjoy this one as well!

Fuzzy Bunny

Hi Fuzzy Bunny! HA HA HA! I was high on sugar, and you can find it in most grocery stores!

SETA AND SETO ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON! But then again, she causes so much pain, I'm almost tempted to bring Seta back in a one shot, _Seta Strikes Back_, just to enjoy all of your screams of pain!

But still, thank you so much for reviewing this chapter! Enjoy the next one as well!

Ryuu

I luv the insanity! Seto, King of the Nerds (laugh out loud).

Thank you for the nice review Ryuu! I hope you come back to enjoy this chapter as well!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

Hee hee. Seta is indeed very scary.

I'm glad I could bring Tristan back! He can be a fun character sometimes!

And ASV, everyone loves him.

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW AGAIN! Enjoy this chapter too!

Lefthandedfreak

Hello again my friend! (waves happily)

That was a very funny story! I LOVED IT! What fanfic was the Seto mannequin from? I think I'd like to read it!

People need to realize the dangers of wearing yellow raincoats! No one wants to be mistaken for a giant be!

Hello Josh the Figment Man!

Thank you for the wonderful review! I giggled insanely when I read it! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!

Pointe master

I don't mind at all! When people point out stuff in the story, it makes me happy, because it lets me know that people are really reading the chapters! YOU ROCK!

Anyway, to cover up for my own goof, what Serenity wore was a very special cover that I once saw in an ice show that was the Wizard of Oz! Dorothy in the show wore these special ice shoes that made them look like regular ones, but they were really just a cover, so that way, in the 'squashed by a witch' scene, they could easily be torn off to reveal ruby colored ice skates. Serenity basically wore the same thing to make her platforms look like huge boots. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

That's so sweet! Thank you for the nice reviews Pointe Master! I hope you love this chapter as well!

Dark Princess Saz, her little sister, Yugi, Yami, a bunch of Fruits Basket characters, and the staff of Kitsune Corp

ANOTHER LONG AND ISNANE REVIEW! MUA HA HA!

Thank you so much for the funny review! I totally enjoyed it!

YAMI! Stop sending the space bar to the Shadow Realm and the Hikari Realm!

Boy, do I wish I was bi-langual…

OH WELL! If I commented on all the cool things in this review, I would overload the chapter even more! THANKS!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**

If I Only Had Tommy the Tapeworm

**IN THE LAIR OF PEGASUS THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!**

"GOD DARNIT! THIS ISN'T THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND! YOU FILTHY LAYABOUTS! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT! I ORDERED A _LARGE _MEAT LOVERS AND A _SMALL _VEGETARIAN! YOU STUPID PIZZA DELIVERY MEN THINK YOU'RE SO HOT, DON'T YOU? DON'T YOU! **DON'T YOU?**"

"You're iniquityness," said a General Fluffa-Pie, flying into Pegasus's Chambers. "We have just received word from the FBBI, the Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigation, that somehow, the four psychopaths in question have made it out of the extreme drama chapter alive."

"_Please_ General Fluffa-Pie, I'm abusing the pizza delivery service," said Pegasus, covering the speaker end of the phone. "Besides, it's not like there at they're at Rhinestone City yet."

"Oh, actually, they're only two hundred yards from the city sir," said General Fluffa Pie.

"Have they made it passed the rhododendrons that put people to sleep?" asked Pegasus.

"No," replied the General.

"Oh come on, no one's managed to get past the rhododendrons and not fallen asleep, only to be picked up by the local trash removing service," said Pegasus.

"But sir…they made it past everything else," said General Fluffa Pie.

"Well, if you're so afraid, feel free to send your armies to abduct a Miss Serenity Wheeler from the area, and make sure you bring her to my castle alive," said Pegasus. "However, make sure it's by fair means _and _you can do whatever the heck you want with the other three."

"Fair call," said General Fluffa-Pie, flying off as Pegasus continued to yell into the phone.

---ooo---

"Wow…" said Serenity.

"Shiny…" said Joey.

"It's beautiful…" said Ryo.

"It's tacky, now can we please keep walking instead of basking in idiocy?" asked Seto.

And there it was, at the very end of the yellow brick road down the gently sloping hill. Rhinestone City! Not as high valued as Emerald City, or Quartz City, or even the respectable Topaz City, but still, it shimmered with the hopes of many, the dreams of the masses, the sheer-

"I said stop basking in the idiocy!" said Seto.

Right. Sorry.

"WAIT!" Joey screamed in horror, pointing to the flowers that lined the road leading up to the city. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE PLANTS ARE? THEY'RE RHODODENDRONS!"

"Joey has miraculously said a word with a grand total of four syllables," said Seto. "This is truly an intellectual leap."

"Don't estimate the meaness of the rhododendrons!" said Joey. "I once stuffed a bunch of rhododendrons in my mouth, and I lost both my arms to a terrible disease!"

"Um…" Ryo said, looking at his arms.

"DON'T BE FOOLED!" said Joey. "These are merely false ones made of meat!"

"I'm going," said Seto, walking down the road.

"HEATHEN FOOL!" screamed Joey.

"Joey, there might be an ice cream stand in Rhinestone City!" said Serenity.

"ICE CREAM!" Joey said, bounding down the road.

And so our heroes continued to walk/skip down the road happily. However, maybe our heroes should have paid more attention to the random bickerings of Joey Wheeler, for as they walked down the road, the dreaded Sleeping Rhododendrons (available for $5.99 for a pack of six at your local home and garden store) began to take an effect on our heroes!

"Wow," Serenity said with a yawn. "Weirdest thing…I suddenly feel really sleepy…must have been because I didn't sleep well last night…"

"I feel kinda tired too," said Ryo, stifling a yawn. "Of course, I've been having a few bad nights of sleep myself…"

"Whimps," said Seto.

"Hey Tooth Fairy, do I look fat in this shirt?" Joey asked.

"Oh man…for some reason, I just feel dog…dog…tired…" said Serenity, tripping on a rock in the road and falling face flat on in, falling instantly asleep, cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Oh come on, that's just pathetic. You've officially dropped on Joey's level," said Seto, staring at her. "Go kick her awake Ryo. Ryo?"

Ryo had fallen asleep next to her, sucking his thumb.

"I'm once again reminded I'm surrounded by fools," said Seto.

"Awesome, rhododendrons!" said Joey, taking an almighty sniff from one of them, and then exhaling in ecstasy. "Ah…the smell of brain cells dying…"

"What brain cells?" said Seto. "Oh jeez, just as I thought. These are, without a doubt, rhododendrons that put people instantly to sleep."

"How do you know that?" asked Joey.

"Well, after seeing that sleep-inducing rhododendron stall we just passed who's rhododendrons were identical to these, the various people who are strewn across this valley sleeping, the sleep-inducing rhododendron brochures handed out to us by that guy we just passed, and that huge sign in the middle of the road in bold, red print that says 'Caution, Sleep-Inducing Rhododendrons', I started to assume that this particular patch of rhododendrons we are crossing are the breed that induces sleep," said Seto.

Joey tried to process all of the big words. Due to certain cerebral limitations, he could only process the last small cluster of words.

"You shouldn't assume stuff you know," he said. "Besides, how come you aren't asleep?"

"I have trained my body to create an artificial stimulant that can keep myself stimulated and processing for up to six days without sleep by inducing massive amounts of caffeine into my body, mostly through beverages," said Seto.

Joey's brain, once again, couldn't process the big words.

"You're funny looking'!" he said.

"Just hurry up and pass out already!" said Seto.

However, what Seto didn't realize that since Joey lacked a brain, due to a genetic mutation, inside his skull is actually a complex energy conversion system that alters raw stupidity, and changes it to a clean, infinite source of energy, greatly minimizing Joey's need for sleep.

"Do you always have to ruin my fun?" Seto asked the narrator.

"HEY SERENITY! WAKE UP! THE TOOTH FAIRY'S ACTIN' ALL STUPID AGAIN!" screamed Joey, shaking Serenity, who was still completely asleep.

"I hate my entire existence," Seto said, as Joey continued to scream at the top of his lungs.

**WE INTERUPT THE CURRENT FAN FICTION FOR THIS DRASTIC WEATHER REPORT!**

"Hello, I am…that's not important," said a random weather man. "For some strange reason, and unseasonable snow storm is heading straight toward the area of a cheep fan fiction written by some psychotic teenager who has nothing better to do with her puny, insignificant life. That is all."

**WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE FAN FICTION ALREADY IN PROGRESS**

"-with a blunt, heavy object!" screamed Seto, shaking Joey by the collar, as suddenly, four feet of snow dropped from the sky out of nowhere, covering our heroes with a blanket of it.

"Whoa, what happened?" Serenity said, popping out of it with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"EEK! COLD!" said Ryo.

"AAAH! I'VE GONE BLIND!" screamed Joey.

"Oh…darn…" said Seto.

"I don't know what the heck that was, but it was sure creepy…" said Serenity. "BUT LOOK! THE HUGE DOUBLE DOORS THAT LEAD US TO THE GREAT RHINESTONE CITY!"

And so our heroes had finally made it to the doors that would take them to the light of glory of the humongous goal they had been trying so desperately to achieve. Serenity walked calmly down the road, as did Seto, Ryo skipped happily, and Joey ran headlong into a huge, red button that said 'ring this'.

BAM!

Ding dong!

"CANTALOPE!" Joey said, lying in a crumpled heap as Serenity rushed as fast as she could to the door where he fell.

"Yo, what the he-Oh! Serenity! How are you girl?"

"Tea?" Serenity asked, looking up to see Tea's head sticking out of a high window over the fifty foot double doors that the four we're facing, having to wear an ugly uniform off a hot fuchsia, rhinestone-covered vest, a pink undershirt, and a blue mini-skirt.

"Yep," said Tea. "I got fired from my job when I punched out a guy for trying to kiss him. Anyway, what's up with you guys?"

"We want to get in," said Seto, cutting to the chase.

"Well jeez! Can't you read?" Tea asked our four friends.

"No…" Joey said.

"Read what?" asked Serenity.

"This sign!" said Tea, holding out a sign that said 'The bell's out of order you losers. KNOCK DANGIT!'.

"Oh…" said Serenity, knocking.

"Much better," said Tea. "Welcome to Rhinestone City, the Capital of Cuz be CUZ it's cool!"

Silence in the wake of a bad joke.

"I HATE MY JOB!" screamed Tea, pressing the huge red button that opened the door.

As she did, everyone's mouths gaped wide with amazement, for in a great wave of shiny light, they found themselves at the massive opening of Rhinestone City, capital of Cuz. And was it beautiful. It was like New York City, except every building was covered in rhinestone-like jewels, and everyone everywhere was wearing rhinestone pants and stuff. But the streets were lined with crystal, and everyone was hustling and bustling around under massive buildings that practically touched the sapphire sky. Rhinestone City…the most cultured, sophisticated, glorious, economically stable town in all the land…and the least fashionable.

"It's so pretty…" Ryo said.

"It's certainly a welcome sight from all we've been through!" agreed Serenity.

"AWESOME! THEY'VE GOT COOKIES!" Joey screamed.

"Maps…get your maps of Rhinestone City here…" said a familiar voice behind the four.

"TAKE THE STUPID MAPS, OR I'LL THROW YOUR CORPSE TO THE DOGS!" screamed another familiar voice.

"OH GOD!" screamed someone, running away.

"Hey! It's Johney Roma and Mobster!" said Serenity, pointing to our favorite mob members, each carrying a massive load of pamphlets and maps to the city, Mobster brandishing her infamous violin case.

"Eh?" said Johney, turning around. "Oh no…it's _them_."

"BRITISH PERSON!" screamed Mobster, jumping in the air, soaring a solid thirty feet, and dive bombed on poor Ryo, who was mercilessly tackled to the ground and consumed in a death hug.

"Hi…Mobster…" Ryo managed to choke through the bone-crushing hug.

"And the bad memories just keep coming…" Seto said.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" screamed Joey.

"What have you been doing with yourselves?" Serenity asked Johney.

"We got fired from our last job!" said Mobster. "I was spending too much time ranting about British people and home improvement, Dad did the Moose Dance one too many times, and we…kinda accidentally blew up all the fire hydrants in the tri-county area…"

"That was your fault," said Johney.

"So we're stuck here until Dad goes to see the Godfadda-" Mobster started.

"Okay, now your talking a tad too much," said Johney. "Still, 'ow have you been?"

"Alright! I'm just glad we finally made it here!" said Serenity. "We're going to talk to the Wizard of Cuz!"

"Can't kid," said Johney. "His office doesn't open until one."

"I'M BUYING THE BRITISH PERSON LUNCH!" screamed Mobster, dragging Ryo's body to a local café. "Dad…you can pay for the rest."

"Oh can I?" he asked, in a mock joyful tone.

"You're so giving," Seto replied.

---ooo---

"Oh, your kidding…" Seto said, slapping his forehead.

"Hi! Welcome to The Jewel of the Sage!" said ASV kindly, wearing a blue sweater vest over his white, button up shirt uniform, as well as a gray apron and black pants. "How-oh! Hi Seto! Hi Joey!"

"IT'S THE TOOTH FAIRY'S MAGIC HELPER!" said Joey happily.

_He's so cute! _thought Serenity.

"Who are you?" Serenity asked.

"Serenity, this is my hallucination, Agent Sweater Vest, who kept us company on the island of misery," said Seto. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"I'm NOT a hallucination!" said ASV. "I'm just trying to earn a little cash this summer! They apparently hire consciences in training here. Oh! Guess what? I graduated this year! Now it's onto the next year at last!"

"It's very nice to meet you Mr. Sweater Vest!" said Serenity. "Oh, and congrats for graduating."

"Yes…I'm very happy…to meet…you…" Ryo managed to gag through Mobster's bone-crushing hug.

"Please, call me ASV!" ASV said happily. "Okay, party of six. I think we have a very nice window table in-"

"Are they gone yet?" whispered a very quiet voice from behind the cash register.

"No, they aren't gone yet, and they aren't going to hurt you!" said ASV to the back of the cash register. "I think you're being a little paranoid, don't _you _think?"

"AAAAHH! THE CASH REGISTER'S ALIVE!" Joey screamed.

"OH NO! How dreadful!" cried the voice of the thing that was behind the cash register as he shot up. He looked just like Ryo, except only about the same age as ASV, with humongous, adorable brown eyes, shorter hair, barely touching his shoulders, but other than that, he looked exactly like Ryo, with snow skin and white hair, was British by the sound of the accent, and he wore the same uniform as ASV, minus the sweater vest, but with the strap on wings.

"They're…they're both so cute…" Serenity said.

"_British person_…" Mobster drooled, hearing his British accent.

"EEP!" he cried, hiding behind the cash register again, a flash of tears in his huge, brown eyes.

"No, Double S, come back here! They won't hurt you!" ASV said. "I'm sorry. Double S…he's actually my friend from the academy. He passed too, but he's horrifically shy. He barely showed his face in class at all. He's my dorm mate.

"**I want to be in that dorm**_…_" Mobster said, almost drooling, as Johney gave her a look.

"Why's he shy?" asked Ryo.

"Well, unlike me," ASV said, "Double S…he's kinda…cutsie-"

(_A/N _HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-)

"-so he kinda got teased a lot at his old school," said Double G. "So I bugged him into applying for a job here with me. It actually turned out okay, because now he can start overcoming his extreme shyness, and we can both pick up a fat load of cash!"

"Hell-o-oh? THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING TO BE SERVED!" screamed a huge line of people that was forming behind our heroes, the Romas, and the consciences in training.

"Go jump on a bicycle," said Johney.

"Well well well, so I caught you both acting up again!" said the voice of an extremely short, completely bald man, middle aged man, wearing a business suit, and wearing a huge, circular badge that said 'Manager' in shiny gold letters, the pin being at least two feet wide in diameter. "First of all, why is there a huge line of customers waiting to be seated?"

"I was, um, just giving some information about…um, the staff," said ASV.

"LOOKED MORE LIKE SHOOTING THE BREEZE TO ME!" bellowed the manager, who even though he was only five feet tall, had a large, booming, deep voice that scared the spit out of anyone who kicked him into anger mode.

"Well…yeah, that…" said ASV, cowering in his bosses wake (even though he had at least an inch on him).

"AND YOU!" said the manager, pointing an accusing finger at Double S, who was still trying to hide behind the cash register. "THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK I'VE CAUGHT YOU HIDING BEHIND THE CASH REGISTER! WHAT'S YOU'RE EXCUSE THIS TIME?"

"I, uh, you see, they all looked really scary, especially the tall, skinny man, and, I, I didn't-" faltered Double S, who was being driven into a panic by his psychotic boss.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" said the manager, toning down his voice a little bit, knowing that's all he needed to freak out Double S, who already had huge tears blooming in his eyes. "I swear, if I catch you acting like scared little baby rabbit, then I'm kicking you out of-"

"**_Shut you're face you annoying, diminutive disappointment,_**" said Serenity, in a completely evil voice. Serenity, due to a biological glitch in her genome, feel the need to protect any and all small, cute things from danger, even if it's only from a nauseating boss. "**_I see you enjoy making a small, shy kid cry don't you? Well…what if I was hired by you? Would you want to try to make me cry? Or would you be too scared that I could easily squash your sorry hide like a bug, even if I wasn't wearing platforms? Would you try to make me mad? Are you too scared to hire someone who ISN'T smaller than you?"_**

"Sh-shouldn't we try to stop her before this gets out of hand?" Ryo asked, cowering behind Johney, who was just a smidge taller than Seto, making him really, really tall.

"No, I've always wanted to see Serenity go completely insane and knock the crap off of someone," said Seto. "Of course, I was hoping it would be Joey, but this works. This _defiantly _works."

"Can Serenity beat me up next?" Joey asked Seto excitedly.

"**_WHAT'S THE MATTER? HOW COME YOU AREN'T TALKING?_**" said Serenity, shaking the shocked and cowering manager by his shirt collar. "**_DID I TOUCH A NERVE? DID YOU SUDDENLY GO MUTE? WELL? WELL?_**"

"Serenity, you do realize that if you inflict massive, possibly fatal body harm to him, we don't get paid this week, right?" asked ASV, not really deeply caring that his boss was getting beaten up.

"Oh! Sorry then!" said Serenity, dropping the manager, becoming completely normal again. "I think you pretty much get the whole jist of this conversation, don't you Mr. Manager?"

The manager managed to nod pathetically through his hyperventilating.

"Do we get our table now, or do we just keep standing here bearing witness to the insanity?" asked Seto.

"Right this way," said ASV, ask Mobster continued to walk almost unbearably close to Ryo, Johney kept giving her looks, and Double S hovered very close to Serenity.

---ooo---

"As a good friend of mine once said, nothing is more dangerous than a mother," said Johney Roma to Mobster, as they and the other four were sitting at a very nice window table in the restaurant.

"Um, what does that have to do with anything?" Mobster asked.

"It _is _a good line, isn't it?" asked Johney.

"You said it for no good reason at all?" Mobster asked.

"Well, it's very true, isn't it?" said Johney. "I mean, if you're out in the woods, and you come across a cuddly bear cub, what's the first thing that comes into your mind?"

"I better get away from this bear cub as fast as I can before it's mother comes charging out of the woods to turn my body into a bunch of tiny meat fillets?" asked Seto.

"OOH! I love teddy bears!" Joey said.

"If only…" Seto thought.

_Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects _

"LALALALALALALALALALALALA!" screamed/sung Joey as he happily skipped down along a forest path, until he stumbled upon a fuzzy, cuddly little bear cub in the road.

"Aww…A TEDDY BEAR!" Joey screamed, happily picking up the bear cub. "Do you want to be my new best friend Mr. Teddy Bear? COOL! Come on, let's go to my house!"

Suddenly, the bear cub started crying out and wiggling in Joey's arms, a great roar came from the forest, and the thundering sound of crashing paws and the hiss of a body against the underbrush got louder and louder as it came toward the idiot and his 'teddy bear'.

"Wow! Something's knocking down a lot of trees! I don't understand!" Joey said happily. "OH WELL!"

However, before our idiotic friend could make another move, a huge, mother grizzly bear, with it's jaws dripping with foam, and standing on it's hind legs, so it looked at least seven feet tall, stood in front of Joey, and roared as loud as a car alarm.

"Aw, you must be the mommy!" Joey said. "We should be introduced! My name's Joey..."

_Back to Reality Effects _

"Oh how I wish…" said Seto.

"You're pretty smart…it almost upsets me that since you're all teenage boys, you'll have to be, ahem, taken care of," said Johney. "Don't worry. Since I like you, it should be nice and quick…"

All three boys at the table were giving extremely shocked looks to Johney.

"Oh, so now you're threatening?" said Mobster. "You with your idioms and overprotectivenesss! And let's not get started about that one time you mooned the neighbors, or…dare I say it…the 'Tommy the Tapeworm' phase-"

"And this is any worse than the fact that you own all four seasons of 'Monty Python', as well as all their videos, and you have a Monty Python day-by-day calendar, AND you own two books about them?" asked Johney. (_A/N_ I'm not making this up. My Mom owns all of the above. Dad has the day-by-day calendar though…) "And we _shouldn't_ even get started about your 'Eastenders' obsession, English bar mugs, and all of you're 'Underground' T-shirts!" (_A/N _I'm not making this up either)

"Here's…um, your waters…" said Double S, putting six glasses of water on the table in about four seconds flat out of extreme panic. "Uh…Serenity…I…I want to…"

"God, what are you going to do, confess your love to her?" asked Seto. Two seconds latter, he was pegged by a full glass of water that Serenity slammed against the back of his head (miraculously, the glass didn't break).

"THANKYOUSOMUCHFORSTICKINGUPTOMEIDON'TKNOWHOWI'LLEVERTHANKYOUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Double S, running away from the table as fast as he could. (_Rough Translation: I wish to thank you, good lady, for protecting my honor in the face of my most reprehensible boss. Words cannot express my feeling of gratitude. I feel terribly embarrassed at the moment, and I feel like running away screaming. Good day, kind Serenity_.)

"OH, AND THAT'S IN COMPARISON TO THAT ONE TIME YOU STATED THAT YOU WANTED YOUR BODY TO BE DUMPED IN THE COUNTRYSIDE OF CENTRAL NEW YORK?" screamed Mobster. (_A/N _Nope, I'm not making this one up either.) She tended to like to stay on subject.

"I need coffee," said Seto, getting up to head to the coffee machines.

"I'm coming too!" said Ryo. "Drinking coffee could be fun!"

---ooo---

Seto just stared in shock as Ryo dumped container after container into a small, Styrofoam coffee cup, without having a single drop of coffee in it. For some reason, he took one little container of cream, pulled off the paper top, dumped it in the cup, and got another one. His cup was about half full by the time Seto said anything to him.

"You're going to make me ask, aren't you?" asked Seto.

"Ask what?" Ryo asked.

"Why are you dumping nothing but cream into your coffee cup?" asked Seto.

"Well, I don't know how coffee tastes, so I assume if I have just a smidge of it in a cup of cream, then I'll be able to see if I like it or not!" said Ryo, pouring a smidge of coffee into the half cup of cream, turning it successfully from milky white to tan.

"Wonderful," said Seto sarcastically (what's new?) and sipping his cup of coffee. "Oh _God_, this stuff is the blandest thing I've ever tasted!"

"AAAAAAAH!" screamed Ryo, falling backwards after sipping his.

"What the heck is this anyway?" Seto asked. "Hot water with brown dirt in it?"

"MY HEART RATES SURGING!" screamed Ryo in pain.

"Honestly, this stuff is so bad, I should sue," said Seto.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY EYELIDS!" screamed Ryo, trying to regain control of his nervous system so he could push himself to a standing position.

"My god, I am going straight to that vertically challenged twit they call the manager, and give him a good piece of my mind!" said Seto, chucking his cup in the garbage can, as Ryo, shuddering uncontrollably, walked dizzily in his direction. "Oh God Ryo, I think that even _you _would consider that-"

"CAFFEINE HIGH!" screamed Ryo, clocking Seto with a paddle that magically appeared out of nowhere, then screamed like a lunatic and ran outside into the street.

"WHAT THE SCREAMING PIXIES DID YOU DO TO HIM?" screamed Mobster at the top of her lungs, grabbing Seto by his super low V-neck so hard it nearly strangled him, her dad following close behind to make sure she didn't do anything stupid (not doing a good job of it).

"I didn't do anything!" said Seto. "Ryo could get knocked out by an extra strong glass of lemonade!"

"YOU IDIOT! THAT'S THE MOST POTENT COFFEE KNOWN TO MAN!" screamed Mobster, pointing to the machines. "IT'S SO POTENT THAT IF A COW HAPPENED TO GRAZE ON THE LEAVES OF THE COFFEE BEAN PLANT, IT WOULD DIE WITHIN TEN MINUTES!"

"So?" asked Seto, as Mobster dragged him to the door. "OWCH! Hey! What are you doing?"

"Forcing you to help me get him back!" screamed Mobster.

"Why?" asked Seto.

"Cause you're the one who put him on a caffeine rampage, you idiot!" said Johney.

"I never did!" said Seto, but he was jabbed out the door with the Romas. Thankfully, Ryo didn't go far. In fact, he was chewing on a light post outside the café.

"Okay Ryo, get back in before you embarrass me anymore!" demanded Seto, as he tried to pry Ryo off the light post. It was no good. Ryo had it in a vice grip due to his caffeine highness.

"YOU FOOLS!" screamed Ryo. "YOU TRY TO DEFY ME! BUT THERE SHALL BE OTHERS! J00 SH4LL N3V3R PR3V4L3! THERE WILL BE OTHERS! THEY SHALL COME IN DRONES, AND TURN YOU BODYS TO THE RUBBLE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Mobster just glared at Seto, and Johney gave him a 'loser' sigh by making a 'L' with his right hand.

"There they are!" screamed a bunch of cops in the distance, as out of nowhere, a huge net was thrown over Seto, Ryo, and the Romas. "Johney Roma, Mobster Roba, and accomplises, you are all, under arrest!"

"R4ND0M P30PL3 WILL CR4CK 0P3N J00R SKULLZ 4N SUCK 0U7 J00R 8R41NZ!" screamed Ryo.

"This is turning into a rotten day," said Seto.

---ooo---

Well, that's the chapter! I laugh at the whole coffee thing. Drinking Seto's coffee is virtually committing suicide. Poor Ryo.

Guess what people? SHRI WENT MANGA SHOPING! So now, it's time for a good rant about the latest volumes of my top three favorite mangas! DEFINATE MANGA SPOILERS, JUST SO YOU KNOW!

**MANGA TALK**

_Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelist Volume Six (rated T for teens)_

This one was a good one to read first. Yugi may have gotten his butt kicked, but it's Anzu to the rescue with her verbal abuse of Kaiba! HA! I still want her to kick him in the shins one day…I'll wait.

Anyway, the art is still very good, even though it appears Kaiba's too cheep to afford pupils (lol) but I'm being picky. I can't wait for Serenity to start making more appearances. Oh yeah, I really think that while Joey is a bit of a sexist jerkoid at times, he really is a super awesome friend, especially when he wanted to throw away all of his star chips so Yugi could still make it into the finals. What really peeves me off is that the Mai vs Tea duel never happened in the Manga. And is it just me, or does Mai's skirt get shorter every volume? Hmm…

I don't know why, but I find some comfort in the fact that Seto and Mokuba got caught in 'soul prisons' (cards) instead of cameras or table lamps or whatever. Ya know, like Grandpa. I also enjoyed watching Seto's duel with Pegasus. And Pegasus's mind games. Plus, I don't know why, but that one tear thing down Mokuba's eye was the perfect touch (I nearly got teary eyed, and that _never _happens when I read Yu-Gi-Oh. I'm probably going to start sobbing in the Joey vs Yugi duel). Though I'm sort of disappointed in the length of the duel. And the winner of some monster contest drawn on Duel Fifty to me seemed a little…cheep.

However, I really enjoyed Yugi's line 'he's just like us' (referring to Kaiba). I really hope Kaiba tilts over one day.

The fan girl rants continue! RYO IS STILL ADORIBLE! And, double oh no! Yami-Bakura is coming back, and he sounds worse than ever! (though he's drawn as sexy as ever, lol) But I'm really worried that poor Ryo's going to really have to suffer what's to come. WHY DO NICE PEOPLE LIKE RYO ALWAYS GET LANDED WITH EVIL SPIRITS? IT'S NOT FAIR!

Oh yeah, and even though the Tea-Tristan-Ryo thing never happened in the Manga, Ryo and Tristan are going to get into their share of trouble, I feel, and they already had a good start. TRISTAN, HURY UP AND FIRGURE OUT THAT THAT'S NOT RYO! I don't like to see Ryo suffer, if you've already guessed.

And another thing, Yugi nearly got the spit beat out of him by Bandit Keith! You see, Keith 'borrowed' Joey's card, so when Yugi passed by Joey's room during the robbery, he thought Keith was Joey. Thank God that didn't last, but still, when the truth was exposed, Keith nearly beat up Yugi! But Joey put a stop to that.

I don't know why, but Yugi is starting to be a little hostile to his other self. 'The other me', it seems, is getting on his nerves, not only annoying him that he can't do anything himself, but the fact that he's stealing away Anzu. And another thing Anzu, why are you falling on the 'you're a boy' line whenever Yugi cries? STOP BEING SEXIST ANZU! If Yu-Gi-Oh guys weren't sexist freaks, then Yu-Gi-Oh would be the perfect manga!

Whatever! And we get to see the beginning of Mai vs Yugi. Hooray! I CAN'T WAIT FOR VOLUME SEVEN! And I can't wait for when Yugi kicks Pegasus's butt!

Shrilanka-San rating: 8.7-9/10

_Fruits Basket Volume Ten (rated T for teens)_

Ah, nothin' like a summertime manga for the summer! Tohru looks very cute in that one piece bathing suit. I'm really glad it turned out to be a one piece. Bikinis make me feel bad that I don't look good in them. Anyway, MOMIJI IS STILL CUTE! And Kisa's still so cute and sweet! She really seems to have a hold on Hiro too, because while he rants that Momiji sent the invitations on bunny stationary (LOL Momiji, your too much!), the second Kisa says 'I want to go', Hiro says 'let's go' (though I think he still destroyed the invitation.)

I'm really starting to get worried on how much Yuki was abused by Akito. What the heck's Akito's deal anyway? More on that latter.

And how come we keep seeing glimpses of Rin here and there? Is she the year of the horse? I hope so, cause I'm the year of the horse, and I was really hoping that it would turn out to be a girl (Rin's sorta the Fruits Basket equivalent of Mai, isn't she? LOL).

And Hiro's one darn sarcastic kid, isn't he? I think a little bit of him and a little bit of Hatori make Seto. Or something like that.

Also, I think there's something about Tohru and the relationship with her mom that she's hiding. I got all teary eyed when I saw that page of her and the picture. She really does break my heart sometimes, our Tohru…

Also, Tohru's homeroom teacher becomes a main character? I can't believe Hatori has so many girls crushing on him. Lucky dog (actually, that's Shigure, he's the lucky seahorse. LOL).

Wait, Mogeta's a girl?

Okay, back to Mayu (the teacher's name), I really admire her. She seems like the kind of person who I am, who doesn't like to go looking for love, but to wait for the right one to come to her. Shigure, her alternative boyfriend, was just kinda…funny. And I am also glad we got to see more of Kana as a character. She seems like a really good friend. How come I don't know any people that nice?

That's another thing I like about Fruit's Basket. I'm glad adult relations are just as valued as the ones among teenagers. I think it really adds something to the series. Kisa's thank-you picture was drawn really sweetly too. And the cry chapter was really wonderful. I'm glad I'm not the only person who loves a good cry now and then. I really hope Hatori and Mayu end up happy in the end, just like I hope that all the characters on Yu-Gi-Oh will end up happy in the end.

Hiro's gonna be a big brother! And there's nothing more fun than a watermelon smashing contest! Ha! I also liked the story of the time Tohru smashed watermelons with her Mom. 'Mom destroyed Dad'. HA! I couldn't help but laugh.

And what's Kureno's deal? I'd like to learn a little more about him too.

Akito seems more and more of a freak to me. He makes Hatori's life miserable, he make's Yuki's life miserable, there are hints that he doesn't like Momiji (WHO DOESN'T LIKE MOMIJI?), he calls everyone he sees ugly and/or an idiot, and then, he begins his meeting with 'I love you all'. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

YUKI CONFESSED HIS LOVE TO TOHRU! OH MY GOD! Now problems are surely going to come…

Anyway, this was a fun volume! I can't wait 'til next volume for Akito's announcement and the person who's the year of the horse. PLEASE BE RIN! PLEASE BE RIN! PLEASE BE RIN!

Shrilanka-San rating: 10/10

_Othello, Volumes 1-3 (rated T+ for older teens)_

I got the first volume for my birthday, with neither me nor my parents knowing it was going to be rated T+. However, their really wasn't anything too horrendous in it (it wasn't nearly as bad a 'Sergent Frog', and that got ratted just T!), I'd rate it a hard PG-13 (It's mostly for language, and if you go to middle or high school, you'll have known it all by now).

Anyway, Yaya is a really shy girl, but I still find her incredibly sweet. Kinda like Kisa or Serenity. However, what's really cool about her is that whenever Yaya looks into a mirror, she 'transforms' into Nana, a hard core butt-kicker! Nana isn't scared to do anything, from kicking the butt of a bunch of drunks, or out of Yaya's evil 'friends', dealing out suitable punishments, and finishing up with her catchphrase, 'Justice is done!' It's sort of like the female equivalent of Yu-Gi-Oh. And Moriyama seems like a really nice guy (not someone I'd date, but a nice guy).

However, Nana is the absolute coolest. I just love her burning self confidence, and the way that she always goes for the baddies. Plus she has awesome fashion sense. Finally, girls who aren't in short skirts! And I love Yaya's cosplay outfits.

Seri and Moe are complete jerks. I can't help but be happy when Nana sinks their boat, or kicks an or at Seri's rock hard chin, and even turns them both into cosplay clowns when they insult innocent cosplayers.

And when Yaya's idol/crush from the makeup band Juliet hits the scene, things get just plain crazy. Funny, I love the alligator Elisabeth more than her owner. Tee hee hee.

This manga is totally awesome! The culture splices at the end rock if you're a Japanaphile like me. I recommend it to anyone who loves Yu-Gi-Oh and knows all thirteen bad words! Justice is done!

Shrilanka-San's rating: 10/10

---ooo---

Anyway! Let's not lag around, shall we? It's time for a look at chapter thirty!

---ooo---

"You're _where_?" screamed Serenity into the phone.

"In jail. It's a long story," said Seto simply from the other end of the phone.

"Well jeez, you better start talking!" screamed Serenity.

"Hey! Tell her about the mob people! And the rats!" said Mobster's voice at the other end of the phone.

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Seto's voice screamed. "Listen, Serenity, according to Johney and Mobster, you and Joey are going to be hunted down by the most deadly assassin from some gang of boobs called the Rose Family. AND THEY WON'T STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT!"

"WHAT?" screamed Serenity.

"Again, long story," said Seto's voice said back.

"And the rats?" Serenity asked.

"You don't want to know…" said Seto.

"One got loose in your cell and you started screaming like an idiot?" asked Serenity.

"NO! Yes…" said Seto pathetically.

---ooo---

Well, see you next week!


	30. If I Only Had a Cuddly Defense Lawyer

Shri: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…

Serenity: Well people, welcome back!

Shri: I brought the gang back into the story because I'm celebrating the thirtieth chapter written in this story. Yay! (Claps)

Seto: Forgive me if I lack enthusiasm.

Joey: WOOT! Are we going to party?

Shri: Not quite, my brainless friend! Instead, as a celebration, we're going to celebrate by giving a chance for our lovely readers to laugh out loud at other people's stories! Yep, I'm going to open up the old 'Favorites' part of my URL, and we're going to show you some other fanfictions that make me say 'God, why didn't I think of that?'

Serenity: I don't think we celebrated at all for ten or twenty.

Seto: Again, who cares?

Joey: Can we play Pinata anyway?

Shri: Oh yeah! I still have people who didn't vote in our popularity contest! And remember, it's your **THREE FAVORITE CHARACTERS! **I got a lot of votes with only one. So far, Seto has a slight lead…

Seto: (_starts flinching_) What?

Serenity: Whoda thunk?

Seto: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **(_Grips head in pain on verge of tears_)

Shri: Anyway, here's a look at some really fun stories that will keep you laughing!

_Screwed and Screwed 2: Idiot Versus Idiot (rated T)_

_By Darks00_

Boy, this was a fun one to read. Finally, a Seto and Joey fic with no male romance!

Anyway, as a basic summary, Joey and Seto, unfortunately, by a cruel twist of fate, have to put up with each other, one way by school counseling, and also in a student body election. Both of their lack of common sense in so thrilling, it's funny! Ah, I love it when my boys are tortured!

_Serenity's Comments_: I can't help but not laugh at this! It's so clever! I love torture too! And finally, Joey and Seto are on the same level in the authoress's eyes. Both are equally shown as funny and stupid! Even Shri has a hard time with that!

_Joey's Comments: _Hey! I'm not…uh…STUPID!

_Seto's Comments:_ Uh…okay…

_Ryo's Comments: _I thought this was funny too! Boy, do I feel bad for that guidance councilor. And I always love it when Seto and Joey are pointed out as very much alike, but they hate each other anyway. Maybe…one day…they'll be friends? No, probably not.

_Ah, The Great Outdoors! (Rated K+)_

_By Silverwitch07_

Here's something new and different. Really! I know that there are a lot of camping fics out their, but this one is super special. YAMI IS AN IDIOT! Ha! A great new pioneer in fanfic ideas!

Overall, this story is incredibly funny, and a great way to see how all the personalities on Yu-gi-Oh collide. This is a minor Tea and Yami bashing fic, but other than that, it's all good, clean fun!

_Serenity's Comments: _I'm portrayed as half crazy, half chipper, but other than that, I really like everything! And it includes lovely cross-dressing! I enjoy every moment of it!

_Joey's Comments: _That was funny! I like the dead people spirity things, and Big Yugi's and Idiot! HA HAHA HAHAHAHAHA!

_Seto's Comments: _Another fic with me being tortured. The only part I really liked was when Yami fell in love with a fish. It's so wrong, yet…oddly amusing.

_Ryo's Comments: _I liked when Seto was the priest at the funeral. Very amusing! Oh, and the pixie-stick induced sugar highness. And the flashback!

_Baby Blues (rated T)_

_By Rowan and Sakura_

This one's a hilarious one shot. I really loved it, that's for sure! Basically, it's yet another one of Seto being tortured to no end, this time when one of his secretaries has a baby. And, of course, Mokuba bugs him into going shopping for a present. So who does he take along to help him? Serenity and Tea, of course! Incredibly funny, very well written, and sweet, with a great surprise at the end!

_Serenity's Comments: _Very cute, very sweet, very funny, and extremely well written. I completely enjoyed it! There's no disappointing part in it at all!

_Joey's Comments: _Hee hee. The Tooth Fairy's so dumb!

_Seto's Comments: _I suppose it's not bad…but why are peoples suggesting that I can fit into those tiny punch bugs, much less be seen in one? I CAN'T, and I WONT!

_Ryo's Comments:_ KAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIII! So funny, and cute!

_Boobah Land (rated T)_

_By serenity-yugigoh-fan05_

It's overall a quick read, but just the idea of Boobah's kidnapping Yu-Gi-Oh characters is hilarious. Very funny, read and find out!

_Serenity's Comments: _Fuzzy-Uzzy-Umpkins. I really wish he got made into a main character. Other than that, very funny, especially when I get blackmail photo's from Joey! Oh, and Seto in a tutu, you have to see it!

_Joey:_ I TOLD YOU THE BOOBAHS WERE GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!

_Seto's Comments: _ME IN A TUTU? SICK AND WRONG! SICK AND WRONG!

_Ryo's Comments: _The Boobahs are so funny! And the ice cream bits!

_Da Brats, The Cheese, Da Cows (rated T)_

This one, while completed, is incredibly funny too! Nothing like a bunch of screaming lunatics going for a vacation in Michigan to lighten up your spirits! With such chapter titles like 'Car Trip of Hell' and 'Welcome to Greenbay, may we run you over?', it's no wonder that this fic is so crazily funny!

_Serenity's Comments: _I can't help but enjoy Yami's irrational fear of birds. Suprisingly, me and Seto aren't in this one at all. However, with all the craziness that happened, I'm almost thankful. And the plane trips are absolute genius. They heavily influenced the bus trip with the Roma's. Totally hilarious!

_Joey's Comments: _WINDOWS ARE EVIL!

_Seto's Comments: _You know, seeing Mai go full blown homicidal is actually okay in my book. Weird, just weird.

_Ryo's Comments_: I can't help but enjoy the fights with the cows. They're hilarious!

_Survivor (rated T)_

_LariaKaiba_

Ah, LariaKaiba's masterpiece! I am writing a Survivor Work at home, with the Dream Tweens in it! I'm not sure I'm ever planning to publish it, but who knows?

Anyway, enough ranting, THIS ROCKS! Arguably the best Survivor Fan Fic ever written on this site. I laughed at everything, the island challenges, the song contest, survival of the idiots, the betrayal, it rocked! Read it! It's terribly hilarious.

_Serenity's Comments: _Hee hee hee, I can't help but love getting a good look at Joey's empty mindedness. And Seto's struggle to try to create technology on an island of sadness and woe.

_Joey's Comments: _JEFF IS INSANE!

_Seto's Comments: _She really does love the fics that torture me, doesn't she? Anyway, very good. I'm glad the Mutt got kicked off before I did.

_Ryo's Comments: _My Yami will freak you out in this one.

_Nobody Cares Like a Carebear!(Rated K+)_

_By Evielly Autumns_

EA's writing is amazing, especially for a newbie author! And EA loves to torture Seto as much as I do!

Basically, if you'd like to see Seto get his but kicked by Care Bears repeatedly, destroy care bear plushies with a three-foot long shish kabob knife, and have everyone else just watch in horror, convinced he's gone completely insane, you'll love this fic!

_Serenity's Comments: _The perfect combo of fluff and gut-splitting humor. I love it!

_Joey's Comments:_ Ha ha! The Tooth Fairy is an idiot!

_Seto's Comments: _I rest my case.

_Ryo's Comments: _KAWAII! So cute, so funny, I love it!

_Soul Hunter Family Life(rated K+)_

_Slifer02_

One of the best looks at the Doom Organization I have ever seen! Incredibly funny, extremely well written, and Dartz mistakes coffee machines for the Great Leviathan! A must read for anyone who wants to see the Doom Organization get tortured by Dartz's incredibly evil management skills, Raphaels somewhat disturbing cooking skills, and our two dear friends, the Girly Man and the Stupid Auzie just being…themselves.

_Serenity's Comments: _Shri actually sent in a suggestion that the Doom Hunters have to battle the horrors of the Postal System. I really like how that chapter came out. And the one where they all switched people who's souls they wanted to steal…very funny!

_Joey's Comments: _Dartz is so stupid!

_Seto's Comments: _This deserves merit for the sheer way it was written alone. It was very well done, not just some old goofy fanfic like the garbage Shri chugs out.

_Ryo's Comments: _Dartz thinking a coffee brewer was the Great Leviathan is both funny and incredibly sad. I LOVE IT!

_TRIFOD: The Insanity Strikes Back(Rated T)_

_By Bilbo-Sama_

Our good friend Bilbo-Sama has created the a piece that is random, scary, and hilarious all at the same time! Truly, this is a work of genius. RYO GOT TURNED INTO A GIRL! And Yugi…got pregnant? But by far the funniest is the fact that TEA'S A MAGICAL GIRL! And Joey got sucked into Oz! Hilarious! Just hilarious!

_Serenity's Comments: _I can't help but enjoy the fact that I beat the tobacco juice out of Marik…

_Joey's Comments: _Yugi's pregnant?

_Seto's Comments_: I really enjoyed this. I'm glad I'm not the only one to be tortured in this fanfic of Scary Doom. Very creative and funny overall.

_Ryo's Comments:_ Appart from me being a girl, this is really funny! I like it a lot!

_Yu-Gi-Oh and the Holy Grail_

_By ShadowFire2_

Now this is defiantly a fic to be praised! It's funny, incredibly creative, and super appealing to Monty Python freaks like us! Nothing like Drunk Pegasus, a Black Night Seto, Ryo as Sir Gallahad the Pure, Tea as the 'Friendship Witch', and things just too creative for words! Incredibly funny, and a breath of fresh air from all the dull, thoughtless fanfic ideas!

_Serenity's Comments: _Why are villiagers always complete idiots? A very funny spin off of a classic and random Movie! I LOVE IT!

_Joey's Comments: _AAAAAH! Peasants! RUN!

_Seto's Comments: _As much as I hate to admit it, this is very clever. I also hate to admit I like it…but I just did.

_Ryo's Comments: _I really like the peasant bits! And the trial! And when they tried to siege the castle. It was hilarious!

Well, that was a few of them, but I'm running short of patience, and I still have to answer all the reviews. Onto the reviews!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

Hello! I'm glad you like Mobster so much! I'll tell my Mom, the person I based Mobster off of, and I think she'll be happy. She's arguably worse than Mobster (well, maybe not…).

You should always brew your own coffee. It would be scary if this ever happened to you.

What you have stumbled upon is the horror of L33T SP34K, something I got off a webcomic called 'Megatokyo'. Basically, it's when you replace numbers instead of letters. Es are replaced by 3s, j00 means you, As are replaced with 4s, and you can go really crazy and just do any kind of symbol on your keyboard that looks like a letter. (So basically, J00 SH4LL N3V3R PR3V4L3 means 'You shall never prevail!' See? It's also okay to misspell stuff in L33T SP34K)

I'll try my best to include 'The Dream Tweens' more into my fics. It may be a bit hard, because a lot of explaining is in order, but their so much fun, so I'll try my best.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ENJOY THE CHAPTER!

Gothangelmyu

I can't help it. I love cute things…

Ah…nothing like sugar! I love sugar. I never tried coffee before, but I've seen what it does to people, so I'm staying off it for a while…

I can actually see Serenity freaking out and destroying someone who dared to harm a cute thing. Hee hee hee.

Thank you for being so nice to me in the reviews! I hope this chapter is just as funny! Thank you again gothangelmyu!

Bilbo-Sama

I see. Sometimes I need to get sugar highed up just to write my stories…

So there's such a thing as male versions of Mary Sues? What would they be? Michael Sues? And you really like to torture your game characters, don't you? I thought I was being mean when I give them really stupid names…

I'll read your story as soon as I can Bilbo-Sama! Thanks for taking the time to review even though it's only been a half hour since you got out of bed!

Bunny Aino

Thank you for liking my story! And for the vote! But you still have to vote for your other two favorites!

But that's not important. THANK YOU!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

I don't know why, but the idea of a fic that has to do with Seto's obsession with Alister's belly button sounds incredibly weird and (shudder) oddly appealing.

I don't think Seto's gay. If anything else, he asexual O.O. Ooohh, SCARY THOUGHT! Oh, and he is fun to poke, isn't he?

Good news, the heart thingy worked! IT'S SO COOL!

Thank you as always for the reviews that keep me laughing! You random insanity rivals mine (bows until head hits the floor) YOU ROCK MOG!

LoneFlyinTigers

Tristan and Yami-Bakura aren't going to re-appear into the fic, but Yugi is, as well as more of Tea, and if you're lucky (shudders) the fangirls.

Nothing as disturbing as Ryo caffeine high!

Ah yes, due to your request, I have decided to make another SC4R33 D00M class fic. This one is called…THE DRIVERS ED CLASS FIC OF SC4R33 D00M! Coming soon!

Thank you as always! Please enjoy this chapter!

Pointe Master

Coffee is evil, no matter what they say…

Hello again! I currently don't write any original stories, but I have a ton of ideas, and I want to write comedy novels when I grow up, so who knows? Maybe my scary randomness will one day be published…

Thank you as always Pointe Master! You're very kind in your reviews! Enjoy this random chapter!

ShadowFire2

Thanks for the vote, but you can still vote for two other people as your second and third favorite (just thought you ought to know). BUT THANK YOU TONS!

I never drank coffee before, but since I hate anything bitter, I would probably hate it to no flippin end. THANK YOU SO MUCH SHADOWFIRE2! Hope you like this chappie.

Imperfect Paradise

Let's just say like all good Shrilanka-San fanfics, when the final battle comes, it will be random, stupid, and hilarious!

No chapter is complete without Joey's constant reminder to us that he has no brain. And Ryo…he can be scary at times too…

We draw closer to the end, but I hope you enjoy this chapter tonzies! THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

You know, it seems that everyone wants Double S. I'm really sorry, but characters in this story aren't for sale. Except Tristan. You can just take him.

I sometimes enjoy the thought of Mobster and Johney doing public service. It's a very funny, very scary thing.

The bear cub thing was partially thought up by my dad, so I think it makes sense that his character (Johney) triggered the whole bear thing. I think I know a lot of people who would be that stupid to be honest…

I think your referring to Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds', which while I never saw it, if it's anything like 'Psycho', I'd love it. Though be careful, birds may look adorable and innocent, BUT THEY WANT TO BE THE DOMINANT SPECIES, AND THEY'LL DESTROY US ALL TO DO IT!

Thank you as usual for the nice review! Enjoy this chappie!

Fuzzy Bunny

Yay! You're back! HOORAY FOR HARRY! I think that book filled a lot of holes, but other than that, it lacked the usual scandal and stuff. But it still rocked!

Thanks for liking the chapter an the review!

Dark Princess Saz, Yami, a bunch of Furuba Characters, and the good employees of Kitsune Corp

Hooray! I love a good, long review! I'm sorry Yami, but you really shouldn't send the space bar to the Hikari or Shadow Realm. I read Harry too! Yami's not the Half Blood Prince though…

I don't know. I think blue Topaz induces insanity, not prevents it…CAN I GET SOME?

There's nothing as fun as abusing the Pizza Delivery Service.

THANK YOU AGAIN! May this chapter make you go insane!

L-Chan the Insignificant

I read Harry Potter #6 in two days, the shortest I've ever read a Harry Potter Book! Of course, on Saturday night, it was either sit and read, or a party with weirdoes and underage drinking. Guess which one won?

ASV, while not entirely cutsie, still has a massive amount of charm behind him. And a hammer. Lets not forget the Morality Hammer.

Your right. When it comes to defending cute things, you have to bash the weenie managers.

Thank you for voting! And for the nice review! Enjoy this chapter too!

Lefthandedfreak

While Ryo's coffee highness is incredibly funny, it is not to be imitated at home. Repeat, it is not to be imitated at home!

So now I know your secret…I shall tell it…TO THE WORLD! Well, actually, no, but you get my drift.

Cool! You can shorten Josh the Figment Man's name to JFM! It sounds cool! Thank you so much as usual for the insanely fun review!

CatGirl is Special

Serenity is scary when she's mad, isn't she? But what can I say, everyone needs to defend cute things once and awhile.

And Ryo. He's scary too.

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW! And now…

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

If I Only Had a Cuddly Defense Lawyer

"So what does Double S actually stand for anyway?" Serenity asked, sipping her water. "It's a cool nickname, but does he actually have a double-name?"

"Actually, it stands for Spirit of the Snow, son of Bloodletter Twayblade and Gutslasher Windsong, the most mighty and homicidal warriors to ever roam the land, slaughtering anyone, good or bad, who got in their way, with the ability to slaughter five thousand men with a single swipe of their mighty blade, they start the day by actually going out, ousting someone, and then having breakfast and coffee," said ASV to Joey and Serenity's shocked faces. "He's kinda the black sheep in the family!"

"Oh…good…" said Serenity.

Suddenly, the terrible sound of shrieks and commotion chorused outside.

"Excuse me!" said ASV, running for the door, throwing it open, and skidding into the sidewalk to see Mobster, Johney, Ryo, and Seto being hauled off in a police car, Ryo pressing his face against the glass and making rude hand gestures out of the back of the car to frighten motorists behind him (remember, he's still going through a conniption due to his caffeine consumption).

"OH NO! ALITERATION! AND THOSE GUYS ARE UNDER ARREST!" said ASV. "Oh man, this is terrible. I'm going to have to swap hours with Mononoke again. And-"

Just then, he felt a tug at the back of his sweater vest, and turned to see Double S sink down into the pavement, face glued to the ground in panic and respect.

ASV just stared at him for a moment.

"Double S, I'm a patient kind of person, and I also tolerate people's thoughts, feelings, emotions, and personalities but…some would consider this sad…" said ASV calmly.

"You can't leave!" said Double S. "I don't know how to talk to anybody! I'll probably say something stupid, and everyone will think I'm a loser! Everybody's going to hate me! EVERYONE! EVERY FLIPPIN ONE!"

"Oh come on," said ASV. "Look in the mirror! You're the kind of person that could melt the heart of a serial killer!"

"Still…" said Double S.

"But I really have to go and try to save the other four!" said ASV.

"I'm too pathetic…" said Double S.

"No you aren't!" said ASV. "Hey! Why don't you just try to hang out with Serenity for awhile? She's nice, and she thinks you're adorable. That's a good combination."

"How do you know?" asked Double S.

"She whooped the manager's butt on your behalf," said ASV.

"I don't know…" said Double S.

"I've got an advanced copy of Harry Potter Seven, which I'll give to you if you be good and stay with Serenity!" said ASV, waving a Harry Potter book that was eleven inches thick.

"You found my weakness…" said Double S.

"Great, I'll see you in a bit!" said ASV, running off in pursuit of the police truck.

---ooo---

What a sad and lonely stay our heroes had in their dark and dreary prison cell, as Ryo chewed on the bars like a wild animal due to the fact that he was still under the influence of massive amounts of caffeine, Seto scowled in a corner, and Mobster and Johney were trying to find a way to escape.

"Okay, let's review," said Mobster, overlooking her and Johney's plans drawn out in the dirt lying on the floor. "We're first going to try to persuade the guard to come here with the keys in his hands. When he does, we knock him out with an ultrasonic blast from your terrible singing, and after unlocking ourselves, in order to create a large enough distraction to escape, we'll jam massive amounts of fruit up every faucet in the bathrooms, so when massive floods are created, we escape!"

"Cherries," said Johney.

"What?" Mobster asked.

"Cherries. That's the fruit that we're going to use. Cherries," said Johney.

"And are they going to be red or black?" Seto said disdainfully from his dark little corner of the prison.

"Black, duh," said Johney. "Only stupid, pixie-boys use red cherries."

"He must be some kind of a thicko," whispered Mobster.

"J00 F00LZ! J00 C4N47 C0N741N M3! MU4 H4 H4!" screamed Ryo, continuing to chew on the jail bars.

"I agree with you British Person!" said Mobster. "We have to get out of here and get back to the non-British people to pass on our important information that could save them from a horrible fate!"

"And you neglected to tell us this when we were all together be-_cause_?" Seto snarled.

"We were too busy arguing. Duh," said Johney.

"AND THIS INFORMATION WOULD BE?" Seto yelled.

"That our rival family, the Roses, have sent out their most deadly assassin to oust you, the blond monkey thing, and the British person, and kidnap Serenity, handing her over to Pegasus of you due to them recently siding with him, with the intention of slaughtering everyone and anyone in the way of their plan," said Mobster.

"Not to mention in terribly nasty ways," said Johney.

"One phone call, you freakazoids," said a guard, tossing a small cell phone into the cell, causing it to slide across the floor, skidding to a halt about three feet from Johney.

"M34T!" screamed Ryo, divebombing onto it.

"I'll handle this," said Seto, snatching up the cell phone before Ryo could hit it, causing him to smack face first into the cement floor.

"Hey!" said Johney. "Who died and made you King of the World?"

"This just in, the King of the World just died!" said a television report that the guard was watching.

"Fair," said Johney.

---ooo---

"What the heck is taking everyone so long?" said Serenity. "Oh man, I smell plot twist."

"I smell my feet!" said Joey.

"Um…um…" said Double S, inwardly panicking as he walked up to Serenity and Joey's table, "…ASV…left…and I was….wondering…if…it's okay…if…"

"Wanna hang out with us until he gets back?" Serenity asked.

"YES!" screamed Double S in relief. "I mean, um, wont I get in trouble?"

At that moment, the manager walked by, but Serenity shot twenty ice tipped daggers right from her eyes at him, and with a small squeak, he ran off.

"I think he'll let you off this one," said Serenity.

"Miss Serenity Wheeler?" asked a waitress. "Phone call for you at the front desk."

"I handle this," said Serenity, getting up. "Joey…don't be yourself."

"AYE CAP'N! WOOT, MEAT!" he said, as he began to chew his own foot, as Double S looked on in a combination of repulsiveness and horror, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins just sat there.

---ooo---

"Hello Seto," said Serenity on the phone at the front desk.

"How did you know it was me?" asked Seto.

"Easy. All the waiters at the desk look traumatized," said Serenity, as all the waiters and waitresses shuddered in horror at the phone. "Anyway, due to the fact that you've been missing for nearly a half and hour and the fact that I heard a massive amount of crashing sounds I heard at the coffee machines about a half and hour ago, I'm going to assume that you landed yourself and Ryo into trouble using your devastating combo of supreme lack of basic human kindness and the fact that you're prone to bad karma."

"Ryo's caffeine high and we're stuck in a jail cell with an anglophilic lunatic and a man who plots with fruit!" screamed Seto angrily from the other end of the phone.

"Five points for me," said Serenity. "Wait, you're _where?"_

"In jail. It's a long story," said Seto simply from the other end of the phone.

"Well jeez, you better start talking!" screamed Serenity.

"Hey! Tell her about the mob people! And the rats!" said Mobster's voice at the other end of the phone.

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Seto's voice screamed. "Listen, Serenity, according to Johney and Mobster, you and Joey are going to be hunted down by the most deadly assassin from some gang of boobs called the Rose Family. AND THEY WON'T STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT!"

"WHAT?" screamed Serenity.

"Again, long story," said Seto's voice said back.

"And the rats?" Serenity asked.

"You don't want to know…" said Seto.

"One got loose in your cell and you started screaming like an idiot?" asked Serenity.

"NO! Yes…" said Seto pathetically.

"WOOT, BUNNIES!" screamed Joey, as a humongous commotion suddenly aroused itself from Serenity's table, Double S screamed like a three year old, there was a tremendous crash of a table being knocked over, and from that brewed another din of overall commotion at a crime scene, with ladies screaming and men running about, and children screaming 'COOL!' and that kind of stuff.

"I'm going to have to cut you off. I have a feeling Joey's blissful ignorance/equally bad karma just kicked in," said Serenity, hanging up and running for the table.

---ooo---

"FOR THE LOVE OF-SHE HUNG UP!" said Seto angrily.

"You amuse me Seto…" said Johney. "I can't believe you forgot to tell her that our trial is in ten minutes and that we need people to testify for the defense, as well as a lawyer-"

"Shut up," said Seto, snapping the cell phone shut.

"He reminds me of you!" said Mobster cheerfully. The second she did, Johney looked completely offended, covering his mouth with a hand, then he slapped her in the back of the head, like she just swore.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" asked Mobster.

"You _know _how I feel about obscenities!" said Johney.

"TAKE ME NOW LORD!" screamed Seto, getting down on his knees.

"J00 D13 F00!" screamed Ryo.

"When's his coffee going to wear out?" asked Mobster.

"Three…two…one…" said Johney, counting off the seconds on a clock that was on the opposite end of the room, on the non-prison side.

"Ur…where am I? Oooooow, my head hurts…" said Ryo, putting a hand on his head, looking like he got hit by a bus…repeatedly.

"Okay, one raindrop in my sea of troubles has evaporated, now how are we going to get out of this one?"

"Good news," said a guard, coming into the room. "The state found you a defense lawyer for your trial."

"How good is he?" asked Mobster.

"We don't know exactly," said the guard. "He's an utter unknown, but he insisted on coming to defend your case."

"And his name is?" asked Johney.

"HI EVERYONE!" said ASV happily, wearing a blazer over his blue sweater vest, with the strap-on wings on the outside.

"NOW'S THE TIME YOU KNOW!" yelled Seto, screaming up to the heavens.

"Oh, do I wish…" said Johney.

---ooo---

"Hey,-OW-push over I-OW-some of us were actually at this-YOUCH! Watch the hair!-at this table people-YEEK! Okay, who's hand was that?"

Serenity had to fight her way through the crowd of startled onlookers around her table, having to claw and bite her way through the screaming gawkers, especially the fat ones. When she got to the table, she was shocked to see-

"DOUBLE S!" she cried, seeing him with his arms tied and his mouth gagged with duct tape, which she ripped off around his mouth, causing him to cry out with pain. "What happened? Where's Joey?"

"I don't know!" said ASV. "I was just sitting here a second ago, and everything was fine, except Joey was chewing on his foot, is that normal?"

"It's one of the more normal things Joey does," said Serenity.

"But then these flying, white, fuzzy bunnies just swooped in, and before I can say, 'oh my gosh, there are flying, white, fuzzy bunnies tying me up with duct tape and shoving Joey and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins into a bag and flying out through the window', the flying, white, fuzzy bunnies tied me up with duct tape and shoved Joey and your plush toy into a bag and flew out the window…it…was…SCARY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

"POOR KID!" Serenity cried, gently untying his hands. "They have to be Pegasus's flying bunnies. But why would they be after Joey?"

**AT THE HEDQUARTERS OF THE FBBI (Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigation)**

" 'Dear Ashley'," said General Fluffa-Pie, reading from the paper. " 'I don't know what to do about my life. Everyone calls me incredibly boring and never listens to a word I say. No matter what I say to them, no one takes me seriously, and say I have a drowning voice and no personality. Is there anything I can do? Bored and Boring.' 'Dear Bored and Boring, Kill yourself.' Ah, Dear Ashley, you do it again!"

"WE GOT HER! WE GOT HER!" screamed a bunch of bunnies, flying into the room, carrying a huge sack. "We got Serenity Wheeler!"

"Oh goody!" said General Fluffa-Pie, dropping his paper and eagerly looked at the sack. "I can't believe we pulled it off! I expected her to put up more of a fight…"

"Here she is!" said one cadet Flying Fuzzy Bunny, opening up the sack, and dropping out…Joey and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"WHAT?" said the General. "That's not Serenity! It's the monkey, pig-dog thing!"

"Awesome! Thank you for the sack ride magic dust mops!" said Joey.

"HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLE MISTAKE **THAT-**" the General said angrily, pointing an angry paw at Joey, "-FOR SERENITY WHEELER? HE'S BLOND, AND SHE'S A BRUNETTE RED HEAD HYBRID!"

"In certain lights, it's very hard to tell the difference," said another cadet.

"He's a guy!" screamed General Fluffa-Pie.

"Again, sometimes it's hard to tell," said another cadet.

"SHE'S WEARING A GIRL'S SCHOOL UNIFORM WITH A PAIR OF RED PLATFORMS!" screamed the General.

"So?" said the bunnies.

As our rabbit friends continue their bickering, Joey was trying to understand just what they were talking about. And now, in glorious 'Red Dogovision', we will present to you…JOEY'S THOUGHTS!

_Woot! Sack rides are fun! I like sacks, sacks, sacks…uh, I wonder what the Magic Dust Mops are talking about? Toilet brushes? Wait! NO! Toilet Brushes are dust mops's natural enemies! Uh…I wonder where Serenity is? Hm…something's not right…why are those dust mobs-OH! A fly! I like flies! FLIES ARE FUN! They can read minds too! HELLO FLY! CAN YOU HEAR ME? APRICOTS! WOOT! **BUNNIES! I LIKE ONIONS!  
**_

"Psst, stupid, down here," whispered a voice, and there stood Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, talking to Joey.

"Cool! A magic talkin' cucumber!" said Joey happily.

"I'm not a cucumber you dolt," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Listen, we have to find a way to get out of her and get back to Serenity before things get out of hand. I have a hunch that the next few chapters of this story are going to be on the intense side."

"Do I get three wishes?" Joey asked happily.

"…no…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I'm reminded why I have a moral policy against talking to lower mammals."

"Pie Pie Pie Pie…" Joey sang.

"Talking five minutes with you, and somehow, the idea of being Seto's conscience loses it's sting…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Alright Joey, do you think you can sneak out the door?"

"You wouldn't have any pie, would you?" asked Joey.

"I really need a new job…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

---ooo---

"Order, order in the court!" said a judge, as the jury and witness in the back were all saying 'blah blah blah blah'

"I SAID STOP IT WITH USING SOUND AFFECTS ATRIBUTED TO MIXED CONVERSATION OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE!" demanded the judge, as everyone promptly shut up. "Court is in session with the case of The Entire Known Universe vs Roma. All rise."

Everyone got out of their chair.

"AH! SIMON DIDN'T SAY!" said the Judge. "Okay, Simon says rise!"

Everyone stood up.

"Simon says sit!" said the Judge.

Everyone sat.

"Simon says get up again!" said the Judge.

Everyone got up again.

"All sit!" said the Judge.

No one moved.

"GOOD! I'm glad I didn't catch ya!" said the Judge. "Simon says moo!"

"Moo?" everyone said awkwardly.

"Simon says spin around in a circle!" said the judge.

Everyone started spinning around in circles, awkwardly bumping into each other.

"Simon says say your favorite flavor of pie while spinning in the opposite direction!" said the Judge.

"Apple!"

"Blackberry!"

"Meringue!"

"Cherry!"

"Redcurrant!"

"Mixed Berry!"

"Key Lime!"

"American!"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Johney, who kept bumping into Mobster.

"Just trying to lighten the mood!" said the Judge. "Okay, all of you sit down, you're all starting to bore me. Oh yes, go send the note to the reporters outside that this court finds the Roma's guilty, you know, to save them a little time."

"A nice, unbiased court," said Seto darkly.

"Anyway, does either of the councils have anything to say before the trial begins?" asked the Judge.

"DEFENCE TEAM ROCKS!" said Mobster.

"Yup!" said Ryo, smiling.

"We are so dead, it's not funny," said Johney.

"I agree," said Seto.

"Fine!" said the Judge. "Bring in exhibit A!"

"And now for something completely different," said the announcer person, being wheeled in a desk on a cart labeled 'Exhibit A'.

---ooo---

(_insert 'Speed Racer' theme song here_)

"Speed you cannot go tothat bridge it's out you'll die!" said Trixie in her helicopter thingit.

"I have to try to jump the gorge I have to win the race of else if I don't win the race it will be very bad!" said Speed.

"But you can't make it there is no way not even your car has a gadget that can stop it!" said Trixie.

"I just found out that it has a gadget that just may be able to HOLY SNOT!" Speed screamed.

Thankfully, Serenity managed to snatch Double S out of the way of the Mach Five going full speed down the road before it could run him over.

"DUDE! ROAD RAGE! AND JEEZ, TRY TO GET DUBBED A LITTLE BETTER!" she yelled after the car, as Double S clung to her in her arms, his eyes completely bugged out. "I hate when Shri crosses Animes!"

"Well, it can't get much worse, can it?" asked Double S.

"Um…excuse me…" said a voice behind them, to see a woman about in her twenties wearing a pink midriff and blue, boot cut jeans, jodhpur boots, huge, hoop earrings, a bunch of makeup, with platinum blonde, almost white hair, "I don't want to seem rude or anything, but may I please, um, kidnap you and hold you against your will until I hand you over to Pegasus?"

Serenity and Double S turned around, and both of them promptly sweat dropped.

"Um…no?" said Serenity, starting to back of, Double S clinging to her with every fiber of his being.

"Please?" she asked.

"Um, no, we really shouldn't…" said Serenity, turning around and hurriedly walking away with Double S.

"I just want to kidnap you, honest," said the woman, walking at an equally quick pace to try to keep up with Serenity.

"No, I really have a strict moral code against allowing myself to be kidnapped," said Serenity, trying to sound polite, but in direct contrast, breaking into a run.

"I insist!" said the weird woman, whipping out a handgun.

"EEEP!" said Double S.

"You're from the Rose Family aren't you?" Serenity asked.

"How did you guess?" she asked, almost flattered.

"Uh…I had a bit of a hot tip that they sent their deadliest assassin to come here and take me against my will to Pegasus…" said Serenity.

"Oh stop it! I'm blushing!" said strange woman. "Oh by the way, my name's Jean, Jean Rose. It's very nice to meet you!"

"Can we go now?" asked Ghost Boy.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to hand you in," said Jean. "I really hate to be messing with previous engagements but…you know, it's just so hard to get a good job these days, and I live all by myself, and I can just drown on and on about nothing and no one even cares to hear what I say, and it's very terrible really. Being an assassin isn't what it used to be. We have to get all violent with everything, what with detestation by violent television, the guns just get bigger and bigger and…and…"

That's when she finally realized the two had ran off.

"How rude!" she said, pulling out two machine guns, finally getting a bit mad.

---ooo---

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Double S at the top of his lungs as Serenity and he ran away from the professionally assassin.

"It's okay Double S, we got away!" said Serenity. "Figures, Seto and Ryo are in Jail, Joey got kidnapped by flying, fuzzy bunnies, and now were running for our lives from a well mannered hit man! Perfect, just perfect!"

"Well, things can't get much worse, can they?" asked Double S.

"Your right…" said Serenity.

That's when he bumped into a flying, fuzzy bunny.

---ooo---

No people, I don't own Speed Racer!

I'm sorry the chapter was so short, but I got bored, and I didn't want to give too much away for the next chapter, which in all honesty is bound to be long no matter what way you look at it!

Okay, lets not beat around the bush, shall we? Lets have a look at the next chapter!

---ooo---

"I call Walter T. Monkeychuncks to the stand!" said ASV.

"You're going to call the _prosecution attorney _to testify for the _defence?_" Seto asked.

"Don't worry, I have a plan!" said ASV.

"Does that plan involve knocking him out and while all pandemonium breaks loose, grab us and run out of the court and become a fugitive of the law?" Seto asked.

"No, that's plan B!" said ASV.

"Is plan A equally violent?" asked Ryo.

"No, but it involves a lot of manipulating the truth and twisting it for our own use and purposes," said ASV.

"Spoken like a true lawyer!" said Johney.

---ooo---

And remember…IT'S SUMMER!


	31. If I Only Had a Incredibly Funny Chapter

SHAKE YOUR BON-BONS! (Does Funky Chicken)

Alright, this is gonna be a long one, so PR3P4R3 T0 SUFF3R 3VIL L33T!

It's time to suffer! THE RESULTS OF THE POPULARITY CONTEST!

**RESULTS OF THE POPULARITY CONTEST**

**_FIRST PLACE_**: Seto Kaiba (19 points)  
**_SECOND PLACE_**: Serenity Wheeler (13 points)  
**_THIRD PLACE_**: Joey Wheeler and Ryo Bakura(10 points)  
_FOURTH PLACE_: ASV (7 points)  
_FIFTH PLACE_: Not-Ryo (3 points)  
_SIXTH PLACE_: Moster, Double S, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins (2 points)  
_SEVENTH PLACE_: Johney Roma and Ryu Barabus (1 point)

**Honorable Mention:** Yugi Moto and Pegasus

Reasonable Conclusion: there are lots of Seto Fangirls in the audience.

I can't believe Serenity, the main character, lost the popularity contest. Seto won…hee hee, I bet that annoys him to no end.

Review time!

Imperfect Paradise

It does seem very odd that a bloodthirsty assassin would ask permission to oust you…oh well, in my tiny brain, anything's possible.

I really think the last Harry Potter will be eleven inches thick. And I completely agree with you on the selling thing. Boy, just think of all the cash you'd get if you put that up for bids on E-Bay.

GO SPEED RACER! One of my friends is an absolute fanatic.

Thank you for the review! And congrats for being the first to review again!

Shadow Fire

That sounds pretty cool. I've never seen Star Wars before. I probably should sometime.

Yay! Thanks for reviewing. Enjoy this chapter!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Hooray for hearts!

Asexual means not having a gender at all, and reproducing by budding. Ya know, like amoebas and single-celled organisms and stuff. I'm so mean to Seto X).

Anyway, thanks for the review! Mer her her, hope to see you next time!

Bilbo-Sama

Is Bilbo an actual character? I'm just wondering…

HOORAY FOR SUPER-KAWAII PUPPIES:D SO CUTE! What kind of dog is Eddie? Does he have cool mind control powers that force you to take him outside? Boy, I am one insane little authoress…

I think he does have weird telekinetic powers. That's how he manages to summon enough power to topple the baby gate! Or something like that.

Yay, thanks for reviewing my other story too! Enjoy this next chappie!

Lefthandedfreak

Hello my good friend Left hand! (Waves hello) Hello JFM! ( Waves hello again)

Seto praying for death is something I really expect from him. And off course, God has a good sense of humor and keeps him alive X). Ryo caffeine highness was doomed to appear in this story at one point.

Ouch, watch out for those poles! Enjoy this next chapter!

Funky Egyptian

Yay! I'm glad I gave you thirty Fridays of insanity! (Claps)

Thank you so much for the laugh! Hope this chapter makes you laugh too!

Dark Princess Saz, Yami, The Good Employees of Kitsune Corp, and Kyo

Ah, the desperate search for fire! There never seems to be enough around. Saz accidentally set a lawn on fire? I once set a pizza on fire in the toaster by accident…

Wa ha ha! Another inane review! You never cease to amuse me Yami. So…(sends Yami rabid animal in a package labeled 'free money') HAVE FUN YAMI!

I'm sorry. I can't help but torture characters. (Sends Yami band-aides in a separate package).

ENJOY THIS CHAPTER EVERYONE!

Gothangelmyu  


No, Ryo in his unique insanity only SP33K$ L33T when on caffeine. He's funny that way.

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head. It seams like everyone needs saving badly! ASV a lawyer…nope, I can't picture it.

Anyway, thanks for enjoying the chapter! Hope ya like the next chapter too!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Hooray! Thanks for the nice complements!

Poor budgies. They are masters of playing dead.

Recommend a novel? Um…hm…I'd recommend one if you like seeing how freaky Pegasus is, two if you like guys dueling puppets, three if you like seeing Mai wailing on the guys, four if you like to see Jounouchi acting like an idiot, five if you like to see Seto knocking the crud out of a bunch of guards, and six if you like to see Seto get his butt kicked.

Enjoy this chapter off doom! MUA HA!

Fuzzy-Bunny

Boy, Monty Python, badly dubbed animes, and sleepovers? That's a weird combination.

I think the Simon Says was my favorite part of the whole last chapter.

Joey has an extremely basic system off thinking. He says 'woot' because it's kind of a combination of 'woo-hoo' and 'sweet'. Or something like that.

I love answering questions! Thank you much!

Cute lil Yami

YAY! (Hugs)

I feel so privileged! Three favorite character lists? You made my day! I especially am glad that you liked some of the other characters in this story!

THANK YOU AGAN (gives brownies)! ENJOY THE NEXT CHAPTER!

LoneFlyinTigers

Ryo has thankfully gotten out of his disturbing phase.

The idea that Seto is afraid of mice is a very disturbing idea. WHERE THE HECK DO I GET THIS STUFF? I must have a very whacked out brain.

ASV smashing everything to bits…I like it, but I don't think that it's going to happen in this chapter…

Polite assassins are very rare too.

I was just on the border of Canada in Niagara, but I had a lot of fun in all the cool restaurants and stuff. Also, they have a cute little garden on the shore of Lake Ontario where you can take a cart ride through a bunch of cool BBs as well as a bunch of gift shops. And also, they have a lot of tourists attraction around the falls, and the falls themselves are extremely pretty. They also have a butterfly conservatory in driving distance. And don't get me started on the gardens the have around there. GOR-GEOUS! I bet they're really pretty this time of year too.

Ah, I love to rant. Thank you for the review and the congratulations!

L-Chan the Insignificant

HI L-CHAN! Great to see you! Ah, nothing like warping your mind by web surfing! It's so much fun!

I wonder if Joey's raw, unrelenting stupidy can possibly outwit…General Fluffa-Pies. We'll have to see! Thank you as always for the extremely nice review!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER THRITY ONE**

If I Only Had an Incredibly Funny Chapter Title

"Now that everyone has been sworn in, the prosecution may now begin its case!" said the Judge. "Representing the prosecution shall be Mr. Walter T. Monkeychunks!"

"Boy, and I thought Seto Kaiba was a sissy name," muttered Johney.

"Johney, shut up!" said Mobster.

"Alright," said Walter T. Monkeychunks, getting up from his chair. "I have recently dug into the records, and this is the file I found on Roma…"

Onto the table on the prosecution side, he tossed a manila envelope the size of a phone book, which spurted massive amounts of paperwork every which way, many labeled with the logo of the FBI.

"While going over every individual crime would take a devastatingly long amount of time, let me read a few crimes that were perpetrated in the last month alone," said Walter T. Monkeychunks. "Speeding ten times, destroying a building by slamming into it with a omnibus, bribing and threatening the police, hacking into a grand total of nine bank computer systems, breaking and entry, tearing tags of mattresses…"

"I told you that was illegal!" said Mobster.

"-illegal operation of what can only be described as the 'Red Dog', panhandling, violation of a grand total of _nine_ illegal actions signed by the Treaty of Soft Cats of 1967, using rude, antler like jesters when referring to the Mayor-"

"But they both have the name Johney, and it can be very confusing!" said Mobster.

"So we have a system," said Johney. "If we are referring to our good mayor, we simply spread out our fingers over our head to signify antlers, and when we are referring to me, we don't."

"Why?" asked Mr. Monkeychunks.

Mobster and Johney were silent for a moment.

"Why did we make that system?" Mobster asked.

"It made sense at the time," said Johney.

"RIGHT!" said Mobster.

"Anyway…the list is quite long, but I'm sure the jury gets my jist. For crying out loud, their _Mob Leaders-_"

"Objection!" said Double G. "You have no sustainable proof that they are or were in or taking part in the mob or any mob-like activities!"

"Objection sustained," said the judge.

"They have them on their business cards!" said Mr. Monkeychunks, pulling out a business card that said 'Roma and Roma; Delivery Men, Tech Experts, Mob Leaders.'

"Oh…" said Double G.

"Would the defense like to open with a statement?" asked the Judge.

"Well, uh…" said Double G. "Come on! They may have done some bad stuff, like hack into computers, and bribe, and threaten, and bleed money from taxpayer's dollars, and speed down the road with no regard to-"

Seto picked up a pen and rapidly scribbled on a blank sheet of paper, and held it up, revealing it to say **'WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?'**

"Uh, but really, look at the sad state of our economy!" said Double G. "Think of poor Mr. Roma, who has to work so hard to feed poor Mobster, (A/N Insert sad violin music here) and they have to pay rent? Don't you realize how hard that is? Doesn't the end justify the means? Don't you think if you were a single parent who needed extra money would resort to theft and burglary and bribery and odd hand gestures when referring to the mayor and-"

Seto had written on the back of the same paper **_'WRAP IT UP NOW!'_**

"Uh, the defense rests!" said Double G, speeding back to his chair.

"What the heck was that?" Seto whispered violently. "What kind of lawyer are you?"

"I'm sorry!" said Double G. "I'm used to being honest! I'm not good at bending the minds of a court with smooth talk, colorful graphs, and shiny pens!"

"That's why lawyers and businessmen all have to sell their souls and consciences for their profession!" said Mobster. "Dad sold his years ago!"

"This still doesn't look good," said Ryo. "What are we going to do?"

"Just try your best to manipulate the masses to get to your own goal!" said Seto.

"Hooray for stretching the truth!" said Double G.

---ooo---

"EEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" said Double S in fright, cowering behind Serenity.

"Ah, Miss Serenity Wheeler, we meet at last," said General Fluffa Pie, floating in the air on his huge, feathery wings. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Thomas Fluffa-Pie, and I am the Head Bunny in the FBBI, the Fuzzy Bunny Bureau of Investigation."

"Your working with Pegasus, I just know it!" said Serenity. "You can do whatever you want with me, but don't you dare touch Double S. When people touch are mean to cute things…I get mad…you wouldn't like me mad…"

"Duly noted," said General Fluffa-Pie. "Our original attempt was to kidnap you, but due to a horrible failure in communication-"

"-you kidnapped Joey," said Serenity.

"When I say horrible, I mean horrible," said General Fluffa-Pie.

"How do I know that you kidnapped Joey, and not some other band of flying, fuzzy bunnies?" asked Serenity.

"Oh please," said General Fluffa Pie. "How many other flying, fuzzy bunnies are there around here?"

"Hi General Fluffa Pie," said a couple of bunnies flying past, wearing business suits and carrying briefcases.

"HI GENERAL FLUFFA PIE!" said a whole bus load of school age flying, fuzzy bunnies passing by on a school bus.

"Sup T?" said a bunch of teen-age flying, fuzzy bunnies, flying past.

"Whoa, how existential can you get?" asked Serenity.

"IGNORE THE IRONY!" screamed General Fluffa-Pie. "If you want proof, here's all the proof you need!"

With that, he threw Ms. Fuzzy-Kins from behind his back, and into Serenity's arms.

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" Serenity cried, holding up the plushie. "HOW DARE YOU?"

"Now then, if you hand yourself over to Pegasus, we will gladly give you back your pet monkey," said General Fluffa-Pie.

"I've got a better idea," said Serenity. "How would you like to have the possibility of aquiring both me _and_ Joey?"

"Why would I want a brainless person?" asked General Fluffa-Pie.

"You could always warp his tiny mind and make him into your own personal slave or something," said Serenity.

Pause.

"I'm listening…" said General Fluffa-Pie.

"I challenge you to an arcade game of my choice," said Serenity. "Not only will I buy, but if you win, you get both me and Joey. If you lose, however, we both go free. Deal?"

She held out a hand to be shaken.

"You have yourself a bet," said General Fluffa-Pie, slapping a paw in her hand.

---ooo---

"Now the Prosecution shall present its case to the court," said the Judge. "Mr. Monkeychunks, call your witnesses.

"I have no witnesses, I find this case pretty much won," said Mr. Monkeychunks, sitting back in his chair. "It's obvious that their guilty of all these crimes, and they have been running from courts like scared rats for years now, so really, what's there to say?"

"Huh, you got a point," said the Judge.

"Objection! That's being partial!" said Double G.

"OVERULED!" said the Judge.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN OVERULED?" Seto snarled.

"La la la la la, I can't hear you, la la la la la-" said the Judge, sticking his fingers in his ears.

"MORALITY HA-"

"Put that thing away!" said Seto to Double G, who was about to bonk the judge with the Morality Hammer.

"Aw…" said ASV, putting it away.

"Fine then," said the Judge. "Just for laughs, the Defense may present its case."

"Call one of us up as a witness," Seto whispered harshly to ASV.

"But won't Mr. Monkeychunks be expecting that?" asked ASV. "I've got an idea that will guarantee my witness can't be cross-examined."

"You aren't going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?" asked Johney.

"I call Walter T. Monkeychuncks to the stand!" said ASV.

"You're going to call the _prosecution attorney _to testify for the _defence?_" Seto asked.

"Don't worry, I have a plan!" said ASV.

"Does that plan involve knocking him out and while all pandemonium breaks loose, grab us and run out of the court and become a fugitive of the law?" Seto asked.

"No, that's plan B!" said ASV.

"Is plan A equally violent?" asked Ryo.

"No, but it involves a lot of manipulating the truth and twisting it for our own use and purposes," said ASV.

"Spoken like a true lawyer!" said Johney.

"Well this is certainly unusual…" said Mr. Monkeychunks, getting onto the stand.

"Mr. Monkeychunks, you put your entire case soundly on a manila file, correct?" said ASV, trying to sound really threatening, but failing miserably. Let's face it, the kid's too cute to be a lawyer.

"Uh…yes?" said Mr. Monkeychunks.

"HA!" said ASV. "But what evidence do you have that every paper in that file is for both of the Romas? You could just be sticking random papers into it!"

A few murmurs of agreement from the stands.

"I assure you, every paper in there is files on both Johney and Mobster Roma," said Monkeychunks.

"Okay," said ASV, pulling out a random paper from the middle of the pile. "Read what's on this paper for me."

"Let's see, report file on Roma, Johney and Roma, Mobster, number B-25257, accused thus of illegal parking on certain date, stealing car on certain date, harassing daytime television on certain date, illegally cuddling soft cats on certain date-" read Monkeychunks.

"Oh, wait, you missed one," said ASV.

"Oh, sorry, prank calling on certain date, illegally cuddling soft cats on-" Monkeychunks continued to read. Suddenly, ASV felt a sharp, dagger-like pain stab in his back, and having read that emergency brochure that one time, knew it could only be the work of a Seto Kaiba Death Glare.

"Um, but what about the other two?" asked ASV, pointing to Ryo, who was happily clicking a pen, and Seto, who was mentally sharpening another dagger. "You have nothing you can possibly accuse them off!"

"The Tooth Fairy and the Albino British Baka?" asked Monkeychunks, pulling out two other folders, except both were pink. "Oh, we got quite a record on both of them. Let's see, on Ryo, there's rampaging with the Ax of Insanity and singing very bad spinoffs of '1985', and under the Tooth Fairy, we have breaking and entry, and being partial."

"Partial? How the heck was he ever partial?" asked ASV.

"Well, when I was five, he gave Jimmy ten dollars, AND HE ONLY GAVE ME TWO!" said Monkeychunks.

"I AM NOT THE TOOTH FAIRY!" screamed Seto angrily.

"Okay, the Defense has no more questions for the witness!" said ASV quickly, before a brawl broke out.

---ooo---

"Okay Double S, you have to stay out here while I go off to save Joey," said Serenity, standing outside an arcade called 'Sock 'Em and Bob 'Em'. "You just need to stay as far away from the game as possible, but not too far. I don't trust these bunnies. They don't fight fair."

"But what about Jean Rose?" asked Ghost Boy.

"Take Ms. Fuzzy-Kins," said Serenity, handing Double S her cat plushie. "She'll protect you!"

"Um…I really don't feel that safe…" Double S said honestly.

"Come on, your on a public street in broad daylight. You'll be fine," said Serenity. "Besides, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins has mad telekinetic powers! She rocks!"

"I hope your right…" Double S said.

"Trust me buddy, you'll be fine," said Serenity, giving him a kind pat on the head, causing him to smile sweetly. (insert big 'AAAAAAAAAW' here) Serenity, then, very bravely, and possibly for the last time, walked into the arcade.

---ooo---

"I see you're brave enough to show your face for the duel," said General Fluffa-Pie. "That won't last very long though. I shall make you quake in fear."

"In your dreams you fluffy bunny!" said Serenity. "You're almost as big a sissy as Peggy!"

"You'll pay for your insolence primate," said General Fluffa-Pie. "Choose your last game!"

"I will," said Serenity. "But first, I want to see that Joey's safe from harm!"

"Ah yes…the stupid one…" said General Fluffa-Pie. "He's right over there."

Joey was playing 'Packman Platinum' with a few off the bunny cadets, and he was just within two thousand points of the high score.

"Alright, for my game then," said Serenity. "This shall be easy! I choose-"

"Wait! Don't say another word my sister," said a very zen-y kind of voice behind her, and then, walking out of the shadows came a punk teenager wearing a pair of greasy black jeans, black nail polish, and several chains and body piercings. He looked so familiar-

"IT'S THE MASTER OF PUTRID YOUTH!" said Joey, turning around from his Packman game just long enough to have his Mrs. Packman character eaten by Pinky.

"That punk kid from the bus?" Serenity asked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"You and your friends saved ma behind man," said the Master of Putrid Youth. "Now it's my turn to return the favor!"

---ooo---

"Alright, the last witness didn't go so well, but maybe we can still somehow manipulate the judges verdict," said ASV, as the other four were in a huddle up around the table for the defense.

"Not doing a radical and stupid move comes to mind," said Seto.

"Shut up not-a-British-Person," said Mobster angrily. "How about we call a person who can testify to our good name? You know, like a buddy?"

"He's not on the prosecution is he?" asked Seto sarcastically.

"**I SAID SHUT UP!**" said Mobster, banging on the head with a spiked club.

"I've got just the person," said Johney. "His name's Hector Mostaccioli. He's a good dude."

"Okay, I'll try my best not to blow it this time. Break!" said ASV, as the five some broke up, and ASV walked up to the witness booth. "I call Hector Mostaccioli to the stand!"

This turned out to be a very stupid move on ASV's part. The second he stood up, he looked exactly like something from a fifties mob flick. He had the black suit, black hat, drawn on looking mustache, a really huge pair of black sunglasses, and was packing in a set of not one, but two holsters.

"Yo, whattup?" he asked, with a heavy Brooklyn accent.

"Uh…please sit down," ASV said, as Hector sat down, extremely scared of what was coming up next. "Mr.…Mostaccioli, I am to believe that you are good friends with Mr. Roma, correct."

"Yeah," said Hector. "We do evretin togethah, cawfee, pokah, house raids-"

"Yes yes yes, we get the point," said ASV, halting the conversation before it got any further. "So um...Johney. Would you consider him a good person? And his daughter?"

"Dats the thing wid us," said Hector. "We sez you give us our money on a certain time, see? Yeh do, we cool. Yeh don't, den you'll see what it's like to-"

"Has he done good things for the community?" asked ASV hastily.

"Yeh could say dat…ya know, helping people and junk with, ya know, escapin' from the l-"

"I HAVE NO MORE QUESTIONS!" ASV finished hastily, trying to push Hector back into his seat.

"Would you like to cross-examine the witness Mr. Monkeychunks?" asked the Judge.

"Just one question your honor," said Mr. Monkeychunks. "Do you have anything else you like to say?"

"Tell fatso there in the back row that if ah don't see a couple of G's out of his pockets quickish, den he's gonna take a long ride to-"

"NO MORE QUESTIONS!" screamed ASV, panicking, and knowing that the defense was getting nowhere fast.

---ooo---

"That Serenity is so mean!" said Jean Rose angrily, stomping down the road in a furry. "I can't believe she'd just run away like that! Oooh, if I ever see her again, I'm going to give her a piece of my-"

Then, she happened to pass by the same arcade that Serenity was in, as a bunch of people walking up and down the street passed by her without a second glance. But she had her eyes fixed on the image of Serenity in the window, talking to the Master of Putrid Youth.

"Oh dear…" said Jean, pulling out a gun from her holster. "I hate to be presumptuous…"

BAM!

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins did a super aerial tackle and jumped onto her face, just in time. But how long could she hold up?

---ooo---

"Huh?" asked Serenity.

"Look out chixor," said TMOPY, "dose bunnies look cutsie, but they got mad skillz. They practice at almost every game in this arcade every night for two hours straight! They know all da moovz."

"Huh? Wouldn't that be a massive waste of quarters?" asked Serenity.

"Dudette, they got sweet connections with the arcade owner, and as they get better, the less quarters they need!" said TMOPY. "They racked up super-mega high scores on 'Skulldugery', 'Deathwire', and 'Motocross Grand Prix'. They even are up on the old stuff like 'Galagala' and 'Packman'. And their badboiz at 'Pong 3000'."

"Curse you Master of Putrid Youth for knowing our secrets!" said General Fluffa-Pie. "May the worms eat your WalMart worker's smock!"

"I don't care if they have the mad moves at all these games," said Serenity. "Somehow, I'll beat them."

"Chill Girl," said TMOPY. "I'm here to tell you how to beat them. Just remember their ultimate weakness. One none of them have the courage to overcome!"

"Of course!" said Serenity. "General Fluffa-Pie, I have chosen my game!"

---ooo---

"Now what? I'm out of ideas!" said ASV to the group again, once again back in a huddle up. "What's worse is that I just took a pole on who's guilty, and it doesn't look good. So far, 99 think were guilty!"

"Well, at least one person thinks we're innocent!" said Ryo.

"Actually no, when I asked one guy, he said 'get away from me you stupid, cutsie, feathery-winged bad lawyer!"

"That strikes me as cold somehow," said Johney.

"Yo smart one, got some crazy idea to save us now?" asked Mobster, still on angry terms with Seto.

"We could always just plead insanity," said Seto, once again in a sarcastic tone.

"THAT'S IT!" screamed Johney. "God, why didn't I think of that?"

"But how? Who do I call up to help pull off the whole insanity thing into perspective?" asked ASV.

"Who indeed…" said Ryo thoughtfully.

"Hey, I think that guy over their looks British," said Mobster.

All the other four looked at her hungrily.

"What?" she asked.

"I call Mobster Roma up to the stand!" said ASV.

"What?" asked Mobster.

"Go, or I take away all of your John Cleese voodoo dolls," said Johney in a threatening tone.

"Alright! Yeesh!" said Mobster, sitting in the testimony chair.

"Mobster, is it fair to assume that you are…legally insane?" asked ASV.

"Hey, I'm not the one who keeps parking in the 'Employees Only' parking spot, claims that his childhood dog friend is still alive despite the fact that he was old when my Dad was a kid, and keeps threatening to sell me either to the Military Catholic Church, the Coal Mine, the Gypsies, or the Pet Loving Martians!" said Mobster. (A/N No people, I'm still not making this up).

"So?" asked Johney.

"But don't you have a tendency to be a tiny bit obsessed with…British People?" asked ASV.

"Oh, so now your brining that up again?" asked Mobster. "YOU PEOPLE ARE SO ONE SIDED! Is that all I'm viewed as? Don't people realize I have a life beyond the British? I have hopes, I have dreams, I HAVE FEELINGS! DANGIIIIIIIIT!"

Mobster inhaled and exhaled angrily in the witness stand.

"If any of you are British in the stands, please raise your hand," said ASV.

"I am!" said some innocent bystander in the back row.

"BRITISH PERSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" screamed Mobster, doing a super slamming aerial dive hug at the poor, innocent man, who's name shall never be revealed for his safety alone. At that, innocent people suddenly were driven into a chaos, and true to their nature, the Romas created a small riot in the court.

"COURT'S AJOURNED FOR A SHORT RECESS!" said the Judge, fleeing the chaos in a rush.

"I screwed up, didn't I?" said ASV in the midst of the screaming and mêlée, as a florescent light crashed on the ground in front of him.

"Ya think?" asked Roma.

---ooo---

"Mff? Mh-STUPID CAT!" screamed Jean angrily, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins off her face in one mad throw. "Why the heck was I attacked by a plush cat? Oh well…"

"What's going on? I heard a ye-OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS JIMINY CRICKET! IT'S JEAN ROSE!" screamed Double S, walking into the scene in horror, due the fact that he left for a moment throw away a lottery ticket someone had thrown on the ground.

"Oh, it's another mean person who ran away so unkindly!" said Jean, whipping out another gun. "Is this the way you show manners? How could you be so cruel?"

"Yeep! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" said Double S, putting his hands up and slowly backing away. "You wanted to kidnap us, and I got scared and-"

"That's no excuse! You shouldn't just blow people off like that!" Jean said angrily. "That's it! I can't stand to look at you anymore! First you go, then you're friend!"

---ooo---

"Alright, I suppose the jury has made their decision on the case of The Entire Known Universe vs Roma," said the Judge. "And I suppose the verdict will be unanimously guilty?"

Seto nodded, exhausted after the riot, which somehow managed to calm down.

"Please announce your decision then!" said the Judge, as one of the members of the jury, a middle aged woman, stood up, cleared her throat, and read the verdict from a piece of paper.

"We the members of the jury, after taking a long, hard consideration of the case, and after seeing all the evidence presented to us, we find the defense…"

Everyone held their breath. Johney bit his fingernails. Ryo bit his lip. Mobster's leg was wobbling violently. ASV was sweat dropping. Seto was staring at that pen again, and gave up stabbing himself, trading it in for the idea of shoving it down his trachea.

"…innocent of all charges, and may all accusations of them be cleared," finished the woman.

"WHAT!" everyone screamed.

"Why?" asked Seto.

"We can't help it. Your defense lawyer is just too darn cute," said the woman.

"And **NOT **because the half of the jury against the case was suddenly removed and replaced by mob members. No. Absolute not. Not at all," said some guy who also looked like a mob member.

"HOORAY!" said Ryo.

"We won!" cried ASV.

"Huh?" said Seto, looking up from the pen, not really hearing anything.

---ooo---

"I chose 'Bunny Bashers: Fuzz Attack'!" said Serenity, pointing to a game that looked a little like 'Whack-A-Mole'.

"What?" asked General Fluffa-Pie in anger.

Playing the game was simple. Just pick up the mallet and try to swat as many bunnies that pop up out of the holes as you can in one minute. If you swat the blue bunny, not only do you get a point bonus, a politician breaks its back.

"Alright!" said Serenity, as the little white bunnies started popping up. "DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"BACK BREAKER!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

And so it continued, as Serenity mercilessly bashed the plastic bunnies to oblivion, and gave several members of the House of Representatives, two members of the White House Cabinet, and several various members of Parliament massive back wounds. (A/N YAY!)

"Okay…78,284 points…beat it bunnies!" said Serenity.

"You…you have a filthy mind…" said General Fluffa-Pie. "I can't play that sick game! Take your idiot, it's not worth it!"

"Yay! SERENITY!" said Joey, running over to Serenity happily, as his Mrs. Packman character got eaten up by Blinky.

"Joey!" Serenity said happily.

---ooo---

"Wait…you said…you'll hurt Serenity?" asked Double S, staring down the barrel of Jean Rose's gun.

"Yep!" said Jean Rose. "She was no politer than you!"

"You'll…hurt…Serenity…" said Double S, sounding stricken.

"Um…yes?" said Jean.

"HI-YAH!" screamed Double S, doing a lighting fast punch, knocking the gun out of Jean's hands, sending it soaring through the air, and making it land on the other side of a thruway filled with speeding traffic.

"You can do whatever you want to me, BUT I'LL NEVER LET YOU HURT SERENITY! YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST, PIG-DOG!"

"I don't like your tone!" said Jean Rose. However, Double S dive bombed her, sending her colliding into a building. Then, he proceeded to do the garden variety enraged beating up (punching, hitting, slapping, and occasionally a pinch for good measure).

"Alrightalrightalright, I'M GOING!" said Jean, running away in fear of the homicidal winged chibi.

"MAY THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAALL OOOOOOOOFF YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

That's when an overhanging fragment from the wall Jean got slammed into fell down, and cut Double S across the back of his hand.

He looked at it for a second.

"I'M BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" he screamed in pain, running into the arcade sobbing at the top of his lungs right to where Serenity and Joey had just re-united.

"Oh…poor baby! What happened?" Serenity asked, as Double S sniffled with huge tears running down his face.

"I got a cut…" he said between sobs.

"AAAAAAW! Let me hug it to make it better!" said Serenity, giving Double S a hug. So the great secret remained of Double S's victory over the most feared and deadly assassins of the Rose Family.

"Hey British Person! Oh, and everyone else…" said Mobster, appearing on the scene with the other four.

"What? You busted out of prison?" asked Serenity, putting a band-aide on Double S's hand.

"Not exactly. We just had a very manipulative lawyer," said Johney.

"Aww, stop!" said ASV, waving it away.

"Well…there's really no way to avoid it now…we have to talk to the wizard…" said Serenity.

"I'm gonna get the Knowledge of Intelligent Smartness!" said Joey happily.

"I'm not gonna be a scardy-cat whimp anymore!" said Ryo happily.

"I can get back home to my Mom!" said Serenity.

"Yeah, whatever," said Seto.

And so, at last, all of our gang, Serenity, Joey, Seto, Ryo, Johney, Mobster, ASV, and Double S all headed off for their final destination. The all knowing Wizard of Cuz, the one that they had gone through happiness, pain, victory, defeat, randomness, bad drama, and so many other things just for one shot at their ultimate dreams.

Or at least, they would have gotten there earlier if it hadn't been for-

"Speed for the last time you cannot cross the bridge there is no way you will get out alive!" said Trixie from the Helicopter.

"I can't I must somehow win the race if I win the race I may find out the true identity of Racer X and-HOLY CRUD!"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.

"DUDE! I WAS WALKING THERE!" screamed Seto as the car zoomed by. "STUPID CAN'T-USE-THE-SPEED-LIMIT-OR-PUNCTUATION-MARKS-GIRLY-BOY!"

---ooo---

I can't believe it. We only have a few chapters left in this story. It's drawing close to the last stand between Serenity and her friends. I'm all like 'Finally! Now we're getting somewhere!', but at the same time, I'm also like 'What? No! I don't want it to be over already!' I really have had a lot of fun writing this story, and I'm having fun writing it until the last sentence.

So I figured that since we're running out of chapters pretty darn fast, I figured all I can do now is rant about the characters a little bit. I just feel like doing it to end up a chapter. If you feel like reading any of them, feel free.

_Serenity Wheeler_

Ah, our darling heroine! Or something like that.

I'm actually really glad I chose Serenity to play the part of Dorothy in the parody. I don't know why, but that fact that Serenity is such and insignificantly minor character appeals to me. It just makes me feel like she really needs to be in a good fanfic. Almost like adopting a sad-looking pet to make sure he or she gets a good, loving home to a kind family. You know, that kind of stuff.

At times I wonder how out of character I went with Serenity. I think to a great extent it's sad that I completely warped her peacefully, cheerful personality. I tried to show a little bit of it in earlier chapters, but ever since Joey kind of showed up…it was a lost cause. However, at the same time, I almost find it's a relief to portray Serenity the way I do. I mean, I really want to believe that there's a little more to her actual personality than just being clueless to the fact that Duke and Tristan are at each others throats for her love. To be honest, I think I put a lot more of that cluelessness into my male characters. They're oh-so-fun to torture.

I think it's really safe to say that she's the sanest of the group, which is odd, because I thought that crown was really going to go to Seto. But at the end, he turned out to be the second most insane person in the group (Joey still has the crown for first place).

I suppose Serenity's personality was designed so that everyone would have an idea of what she was like. I don't really think there's a single way to define it. But she continues to be a fun character to write about, and she continues to surprise me every time I think something up.

_Ms. Fuzzy-Kins_

To be honest, when I first started the book, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins was a very hastily made character to compensate for the lack of a 'Toto' in the story. At first I believed that I couldn't get very far humor wise with a stuffed animal cat replacing a real, live dog, but noooooo, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins turned out to be a very funny character in herself.

I suppose it was almost fateful that Ms. Fuzzy-Kins would end up as Seto's conscience. She's the direct opposite of what would outwardly be needed to compensate for Seto's lack of heart. While in your mind's eye you see Seto needing a seven foot tall, made of pure muscle and sinew, instead, you get a two foot tall, cuddly plush cat. Also, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins actually managed to acquire her own 'personality', turning into a person nearly as sarcastic and cynical as Seto. I really think it's a match made in heaven. To be honest, a lot of my own cat's personality went into Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, in my minds eye, is basically a character who 'chooses' to talk to people. She doesn't need to talk to Serenity, because in a very twisted way, I think Serenity understands Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's mind the most, so really, there's no reason for Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to go out of the way to prove her existence. Seto's more difficult, because let's face it, why would a person like him believe a stuffed animal is alive? And is she alive? I have my own view of Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's existence, and I think that the reader has to decide for her or himself what exactly Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is.

Though one thing's for sure, I _never _thought Ms. Fuzzy-Kins would turn out to be the critical character that she is. You go plushie.

---ooo---

I'll rant about Joey and Seto next chapter.

For a preview, instead of an actual scene, let's tell you what's coming up next! Serenity meets the Wizard of Cuz, Joey has an original idea (OH NO!), and a daring rescue by three clueless people is needed to save Serenity, not to mention all of Cuz! How are they going to pull this one off? AND WILL THEY EVER GET PAST A RECEPTIONIST OF SCARY DOOM?

I know, it's not as good as an actual preview, but your gonna have to deal. Please? Okay, see you next chapter!


	32. If I Only Had a Pencil Missile

This fanfic contains no artificial flavorings.

I got a couple reviews about why I reffered ASV as 'Double G' for the beginning of the chapter. You see, in the original fanfic that I wrote at home where ASV came from, his name was Double G, and sometimes I get them confused. Gah! I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I promise not to do anything amazingly stupid again! I plan to rant about that latter in the story.

Also, you may notice that no stuff here is underlined or anything. That's because I needed to write this chapter on a floppy because I wasn't at my home computer, and I am too busy with a pounding headache to fix it.

Well, the final chapters are drawing near…I really can't think of what else to say. Now it's time for my kind reviewers.

Bilbo-Sama 

I _knew _I heard that name somewhere! One of my friends is an ultra-mega Lord of the Rings Fanatic.

I actually have the card Kaibaman. I WANTED TO BURN IT! But I didn't…not even the mystical plot device?

And on another note, I'm also reading a fic called 'Kaibaman', about our favorite heartless jerk as a superhero. I really liked a fic about Ryo and Tea as a superhero team called 'The Adventures of Captain Obvious' or something like that. Wee, I'm ranting!

Thank you for being the first reviewer! YOU WIN AN IMAGINARY ELEPHANT! Enjoy the chapter!

Pointe Master 

Nah, I don't mind if you print it out. Of course, it may kill your computer. I know have a total of five separate files with this story on it because it got too big for FF dot net to download onto.

Who knows? This story may go on a tad longer than you expected…

Anyway, thank you for the review! Enjoy this chapter too!

Ryuu 

Actually, Seta is a physical manifestation of Seto's feminine side.

Imperfect Paradise 

Good thing Serenity had the help of the Master of Putrid Youth huh? I think I would like my own 'Bunny Bashers' game installed in a local arcade. I'd burn out all my quarters on it.

Yes, while his honesty's a weakness, ASV make a formidable lawyer when it comes to charm and adorableness. But lets face it, he's much to nice to be a professional lawyer.

Peggy is going to have a stern talk with GFP…

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! The hilarity is even rotting my tiny brain!

LoneFlyinTigers 

Yay LFT! How is you?

Poor ASV, sometimes I worry about him. Your right! Joey didn't have any stupid lines at all last chapter! Good lord, I must be losing my grip…Jean was kind of a random character, but she had her five minutes of fame, and now they're pretty much gone.

Ah yes, the daring escape scene! Can our three lunatics save Serenity in time? And we are going to learn what horrible game Seto was in and what Serenity has to face next. I was a little shocked by the poll results too. But then again, I'm kind of not. I'm a bit of a fangirl for my characters, especially Ryo and Seto, myself…

A sequel for this is in the thought prossess, and a brand new story is on the way. Fear not! Oh, and enjoy the next chapter too. It'll make you chuckle.

Lefthandedfreak 

Truly a more dastardly fate for our heartless friend could not be devised! LOL

Unfortunately, yes, this story shall end. It's breaking my heart too, just to make my character's lives miserable. I'll just need to make an even crazier story afterwards to fill the hole in my heart.

NOT MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL! Now you must read ShadowFire2's Yu-Gi-Oh and the Holy Grail! Seto Kaiba _is _the Black Night! Wow, talk about perfect casting.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter as well! I'M A LOONY TOO! By JFM!

Funky Egyptian 

Yugi kind of need an honorable mention. He's been so neglected in this fic.

Anyway, this story is going to end a little later than you think, so don't worry. Thank you tonzies for the review!

Fuzzy Bunny 

Aren't we all?

Nothing like good, bunny humor! I hope this chapter is too your liking too!

Gothangelmyu 

Sorry, maybe I should, but when you only have one hour to work on the computer when your parents aren't home during the summer, you're really working on a hard deadline.

The chapter title was used in place for a witty chapter title, so that's why it was called 'If I Only Had an Incredibly Funny Chapter Title' not 'If I Only Had an Incredibly Funny Chapter'. Yes I know I've done funnier! You just want to destroy my self-esteem! oO.Oo

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

Your right, I think every character is to some extent legally insane. I think it's just the way my characters are built.

You rock too Gothangelmyu! THANK YOU!

Dark Princess Saz, Yami, Marik, Kate, Bakura, and Kyo 

THAT REVIEW WAS SO HILARIOUS! And it took up, like, and entire page of my review board.

I never knew Seto Kaiba's very name was cursed! Then again, if it is cursed, shouldn't I be dead by know with all the evil, torturous things I do to him? I don't think I'm afflicted by the dread curse because I support Seto more than Yami (FORGIVE ME YAMI! _send apology cake_), but then again, I've never talked about him in public so…MAYBE THE CURSE IS REAL!

Well the moral of this story is, for gosh sakes, DON'T TALK ABOUT SETO KAIBA WHEN YOU HAVE KNIVES IN YOUR HANDS! And boy, do you people like to scream his name at odd moments…

SETO KAIBA! (sixteen ton weight lands on her head)

Anyway, thank you for the wonderful review of chaos and fun!

Mokuba's Official Glomper 

MOG…this is the second week in a row I got short responses from you! oO.Oo Did I do something to make you mad?

Oh well, thank you so much for the two reviews! Enjoy this round of insanity!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl 

Yay! Hi there! Did you enjoy your vacation?

The Simon Says thing was really my favorite part of that chapter, as was Double S's battle with Jean. All my characters really turned out to surprise me in the end to be honest, but that's a different story.

Thank you so much for all your reviews! THANKIE SPANKIES AND ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!

ShadowFire 

Now that you mention it, it's probably a good thing I haven't seen Star Wars, considering I spend enough money on Manga and imported Japanese DVDs and books as it is…

Baka lines?

Thank you so much for reviewing me again! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

Cute lil Yami

YAY! Hello!

Boy, I am suddenly convinced that most of the modern world loves ASV and Double S. I don't know why. They must be the ultimate good.

I don't know why, but the thought of Double S going full-blown homicidal on Jean to protect an unaware Serenity makes me feel all happy inside. Behind a cute and cuddly exterior lies A SERIAL KILLER! Product of way to many RPGs if you ask me.

Anyway, thanks for more baked goods! YAY! Enjoy this chappie too!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler 

Bwa ha ha! How is you?

Nothing like a hilarious trial to lighten things up! Just like Judge Judy, only much more fun!

I wish I could make plushies. If I started making Double S and ASV plushies, they'd fly off the shelves! LOL! Anyway, thank you for the nice review! INSANITY TIME!

ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO**

If I Only Had a Pencil Missile

"So this is it…" said Serenity, standing outside a huge skyscraper with a sign saying 'The Wizard of Cuz Headquartes' with her friends. "All our pain and suffering amounts to this final moment. Are you guys ready to have your lives changed forever?"

"YEAH!" screamed Joey.

"NO!" screamed Ryo.

"Whatever," said Seto.

"Alright! Let's go!" said Serenity. "Are you coming guys?"

"Sorry, only four are allowed to see the Wizard at a time," said Mobster.

"And he's seriously overbooked with reservations! How will you ever get in?" asked ASV.

"We're just gonna have to try I guess…" said Serenity.

"Good luck guys," said Johney Roma.

"BYE SERENITY!" screamed Double S, waving violently.

"Does that kid have a you-complex or something?" asked Seto.

"I just can't wait for you to get that heart of yours," said Serenity, walking through the revolving door, as did the other three. Well, actually, Seto and Ryo made it through, Joey continued to spin around and around in it.

The receptionist desk of TWOCH was neat, almost immaculate, with absolutely nothing on it except for a few papers, all put right on top of each other without a sliver of paper peaking out from under another. There was no trace at all of individuality on it. There wasn't even a name plaque. There was only a blank, black phone, the receiver held by the receptionist.

The receptionist herself also had absolutely no trace of happiness or individuality. She wore a plain gray suit with starch white shirt underneath, a black tie, half moon glasses that were connected on a silver chain, and her silver hair tied back in a bun, without a single stray bang out of place.

"Uh huh…uh huh…uh huh…sit down would you?" she said in a hallow, bored sort of voice, pointing to a small bunch of gray, plastic chairs that stood not to far from the desk, as the three uncomfortably sat down, while Joey continued to laugh happily as he swiveled around in the revolving doorway.

"Uh huh…uh huh…uh huh…don't touch," she said to Seto, who was reaching for an old magazine, throwing a super-sharp pencil at him, which buried itself right in his hair. She threw a couple others for effect, which buried themselves in random places on his upper body.

"Yeah…no…maybe…no…no…don't touch," she said again, this time to Ryo, who was trying to pick up one pencil that fell on the floor, and so the receptionist pulled out her convient carrying pencil catapult and shot fifty pencils at ninety miles per hour at random places on Ryo's upper body, as Seto was trying to dig the pencils that were fired at him out of his skin.

"Nine…yes I'm sure…he said what? Okay…yes…yes I'll tell him-stop being an idiot," said the receptionist, pulling out a bazooka and firing many pencils at once at lightning speed all over the area where Joey was still swiveling around in the revolving door, causing spidering cracks in all the glass around him, a couple pencils making it through and burying themselves in various spots on his head.

"Um…I hate to interrupt," said Serenity, walking up to the desk, "but I think it's kind of rude to try to maim people with pen-"

"On the phone," said the receptionist, stabbing Serenity in the stomach with a pencil. Thankfully, it buried itself in her clothes, and not in her skin.

"Huddle up!" said Serenity to the other three, as Ryo dutifully walked over to the revolving door and pulled Joey out, dragging him over to the other two. With that, all four got in a football-style huddle up.

"Okay, it's obvious that it is impossible that this receptionist will get off the phone long enough to talk to us," said Serenity. "Do any of you have any ideas of what we can do to try to get to the Wizard?"

"Let's try to make Ryo cry, and she'll be so awed by his disgustingly pathetic cuteness that she'll let us by," said Seto.

"It's a sad idea, but maybe it can work," said Serenity. "Okay. Ryo, think of the saddest moment of your entire life."

"Oh man, there have been so many, like when my mom and sister died, and my pet turtle Skippy ran away from home, and when my cat Jingles ran away from home, and my goldfish Claudious J. S. Fonleroy the Third ran away from home, and the day my little sister died, and that one time in Charm School when I accidentally stepped on a POOR, INNOCENT ANT (_A/N _Ryo went to Charm School?), and that other time when I was learning how to drive, I ran over ANOTHER ANT! MY LIFE IS FULL OF NOTHING BUT DEATH AND HAVING TRUSTED ANIMAL COMPANIONS RUN AWAY! And don't get me started about-"

Seto socked him.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ryo started to sob.

"Stop trying to use a pathetic man to distract me," said the receptionist, pushing a red button on a hand-held controller, causing a space station to shoot a pencil loaded missile at the reception office, giving our heroes only ten minutes to escape before it hit the reception office.

"I have another idea," said Serenity. "Let's just go."

"Okay," the other three said simultaneously, as all four ran out of the reception room and down the hall, as the pencil missile landed in the reception room and exploded, causing the entire room to become a smoldering crater with pencils skewered everywhere.

---ooo---

Our heroes soon found out that maybe going down the big scary hallway to the office of the Wizard of Cuz was not a good idea, because it was very dark, extra big, and extra long with the sheer purpose of freaking out the person who walked down it. And it was doing a very good job on Ryo.

"C-can we go back now?" he asked, his eyes glued to the floor.

"Ryo, you've been in this story for almost twenty seven chapters now," said Serenity. "Do you really want to turn back now? After all we've been through? After all we've learned? After the triumphs, the defeat, the laughter, the tears, the irony, the humor?"

"YES!" screamed Ryo.

"Ryo…" said Serenity.

"Just think of happy stuff!" said Joey. "Like blood! And guts! And spiraling pain that makes you beg for your own death just to escape the mind clouding delusion of ultimate suffering!"

Ryo looked bug eyed.

"Joey Wheeler, master of valuable advice…" said Seto, but there was not time for sarcasm. Now our heroes found themselves outside a huge double door that was at least twenty feet tall and made out of pure rhinestone, except for the door knockers, which were quartz. For about thirty seconds, the four just stood there, staring at the door.

"Are we going to open the stupid thing or what?" asked Seto.

"Dramatic moment ruiner," said Serenity, reaching for the doorhandle. However, the second she barely touched it, both doors opened by themselves, opening into a huge room that was completely made out of rhinestone. But the scariest of all was the fact that there was a huge, floating head in the middle of it that was at least six feet tall, hovering six feet in the air, aided by huge spurts of fire from the sides for pure dramatic effect.

"I AM CUZ, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE!" said the floating head, with a large spurt of fire from crystallized chamber flamethrower things that spurted fire whenever he made an angry comment.

"SWEET! I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!" said Joey.

"SILENCE MORTAL PIG!" screamed the floating head. "I already know your names! Joey the Brainless Bone Head, Seto the Heartless Lunatic, Ryo the Courageless Foob, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins the Plush Toy, and Serenity…the Serenity!"

"W-well that s-saves us needing to introduce o-ourselves…" said Ryo, trying to lighten the mood, and failing miserably.

"SILENCE!" screamed the floating head, as Ryo screamed when an extra bolt of fire shot in front of him. "You, the one that looks like a monkey. Come forward!"

Joey nodded to Seto.

"He's talking to you, sponge brain," said Seto, shoving him up to the floating head across the slippery, rhinestone floor.

"Joey Wheeler you bumbling, bickering, ranting, pathetic excuse for a pig dog!" said the floating head. "It has been rumored far and wide that you have a head emptier than a supermodels personal library, the wit and sophistication of a rock, and as much basic common sense as a newborn cat! How do you feel about that?"

"I LIKE PUMPKINS!" screamed Joey, as a huge fireball came down out of nowhere, barbequing Joey and turning him into a black, smoldering heap.

"Wow, that was fun," said barbequed Joey.

"SILENCE!" screamed the floating head, as Joey happily skipped back to the others. "You, the skinny one-"

"THERE GOES THE SKINNY CARD AGAIN!" said Seto.

"-come forward!" said the floating head.

"Make me!" Seto said, and where he stood, he got barbequed by a fireball too.

"And you, the scardy-cat," said the floating head.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ryo said, running around in circles in a panic, as another fireball was about to be shot-

"STOP IT ALREADY!" said Serenity, getting in front of Ryo. "Jeez! This is getting out of hand. All we want is a brain, a heart, some guts, and a one way ticket back to my mom's, as well as out of these platforms! And we traveled all over the place to get here, so can we _please _just have our stuff and leave?"

"Well…" said the floating head thoughtfully. "You did bring a lot of tourists to the area…alright! I shall grant you your wish!"

"Yay!" said all four.

"ON ONE CONDITION!" said the floating head. "You must bring me…THE HEAD OF PEGASUS THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST!"

Everyone gasped.

"Ew, gross!" said Serenity.

"Okay okay, uh…bring me…I dunno, something from him…" said the floating head. "If you do this, I shall grant you your wishes."

"But we'll get totally killed!" said Serenity.

"Well duh, do you think I just give out body parts for nothing these days?" asked the floating head. "Now go and defeat the Not-Nice Witch of the West!"

"Couldn't we just have a little bit of stuff upfront?" asked Ryo.

"GET OUT!" screamed the floating head, with huge spurts of fire everywhere, as our heroes ran out of the room screaming.

---ooo---

"Oooh, this is just _too good_!" said Pegasus, looking through his crystal ball of our heroes walking up a long path to his house while brushing his super long hair. "They're coming up to challenge me! Isn't this too perfect?"

"Uh…yeah…" said General Fluffa-Pie, still having horrible memories of the game of Bunny Bashers: Fuzz Attack he and Serenity played. He really hadn't been able to show his face since.

"General Fluffa-Pie, I am giving you one last chance to redeem yourself," said Pegasus. "I want you and your hoard to capture the _real _Serenity Wheeler, and bring her to me alive. Not the monkey, not the twig boy, not the British baka. _The girl_. Understand?"

"Yes sir," said General Fluffa-Pie.

"Well, what the heck are you waiting for?" asked Pegasus. "FLY MY PRETTY! FLY! FLY! FLY! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Pegasus was laughing insanely, as General Fluffa-Pie just stared at him.

"You are freaking me out," said the General, flying out the window.

---ooo---

"Alright, it seems that we're going the right way," said Serenity, looking at a wooden sign nailed to a tree that said 'safety and happiness' where they came from and 'Pegasus's Castle, as well as sure death' on where they were going. "Don't worry guys, it'll all be over soon!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ryo, trying to run back, being grabbed at the back of the sweater by Seto.

"Oh please, we're dealing with a white haired weirdo with a bad accent and a sick fixation with fuzzy, white bunnies!" said Serenity. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"But he beat the crud out of Seto! AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THAT AS A REALLY BAD THING?" screamed Ryo in fear.

"Come on Ryo, you have to keep in your mind that he's just a man, just like all the rest of us," said Serenity. "It's not like he has anything that we don't have."

"One, he's Pegasus the Not-Nice _Witch _of the West, and two, we are not men, we are all fictional teenagers," said Ryo.

The other three just stared at him.

"You look funny!" Joey said, pointing to Ryo.

"I agree with Joey," said Serenity. "No matter what horrible or dire threat we face, or how inferior the world sees us in comparison with our opponent, we can't second-guess ourselves now! We put way too much of ourselves into this mission to throw it away now!"

"Cookies?" asked Joey.

_Note to Self: DO NOT take part in Shri's next fanfic. Avoid at all costs _wrote Seto down on his notepad that he kept around to make serious mental notes.

"Stupid 'I have no courage' thing…" said Ryo. "Hey, what's that noise?"

"Sorry…" said Joey.

"No, the noise that sounds eerily like a huge flock of flying, fuzzy bunnies coming straight this way in drones…" said Ryo, as a small white cloud of flying, fuzzy bunnies drew near.

"Oh please, I kicked their butts last chapter, how bad can they be?" said Serenity.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Joey. "THEY'RE ARMED WITH SOFT DOWN PILLOWS AND GLITTER!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the other three, as the bunnies started to swoop down and-

---ooo---

Shri: Hello everyone, once again, this story has been paused. You of course know that I am the psychotic authoress, better known for being Thor's Hammer in last weeks county play 'A Norse is a Norse, of Course, of Course'. But enough about me. The following is a public service announcement. I will now turn over this interruption to Muriel P. Q. Tipsytogles, founder and president of the Society of Protection of Cruelty to OCs, more commonly known as SPCOC.

Muriel: Hello. We of the SPCOC feel that is necessary to notify the public of the following scene being of a highly unkind nature to 'Original Characters'. It contains of scenes of a bunch of OCs, this time flying, fuzzy bunnies, getting their butts kicked by a girl, an idiot, a stick figure, and a foob. While this is presented for humorous purposes, acts of violence against real OCs are both criminal and moral felonies. No actual OCs were harmed in the making of the following…well okay, one or two, but that gives the public no right to imitate this scene. If you or someone you love or someone you hate or someone you're acquainted with or someone who you show mutual respect for has abused characters that aren't part of any trade mark to date, please call-

Shri: I don't like your tone.

Muriel: What?

_(Shri bonks Muriel on the head with an oar)_

Shri: Un-pause the chapter please!

---ooo---

-so began the battle between our mix matched heroes and the flying, fuzzy bunnies! The fuzzy bunnies were armed to the tooth which such unorthodox battling items as jars of glitter, soft down pillows, assorted plushies, and bowls of fruit salad. Thus the average mind would deduce that since our heroes have defeated homicidal maniacs, pirates, evil villains, and many an extremely scary beast, naturally these fuzzy bunnies will get their butts kicked. However, since when has this fic ever made sense?

"OH MY GOD! THAT PILLOW HAS CORNERS!" Seto screamed, as he got pummeled by the extra soft down pillows wielded by no less than four flying, fuzzy bunnies

"NO! NOT THE GLITTER IN THE HAIR! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" cried Ryo in agony as the bunnies doused his white hair with massive amounts of rainbow colored glitter.

"NO! HEALTH FOOOOOOOOOD!" Joey screamed in terror as he was forced to be seated in a comfy chair in front of a lovely, candle lit table covered in a table cloth made of fine, authentic Victorian textile, with a bowl of nice fruit salad placed on the table in front of him.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW-" said Serenity as various plush toys were fired from a plushie cannon. Ms. Fuzzy-Kins was dealt a horrible blow by a plush zebra, knocking her out and making her unable to conjure her wicked-awesome force field thing. Before she had a chance to run, Serenity was then engulfed in a huge net made of extremely comfortable elastic nylon bands. While she was temporarily stunned by the impact of the cuddly, adorable plush toys, seven score of flying, fuzzy bunnies then grouped together to lift the net off the ground to the dark and incredibly ominous castle up on top of a really pointy mountain. Since the boys were much too busy getting their sorry behinds kicked by a bunch of medium sized mutant woodland animals, they were much too distracted to save Serenity.

Well, that's kind of a good thing isn't it, because how would this story be able to move along without that?

---ooo---

"For the last time, let go of me you stupid, fuzzy bunnies!" said Serenity angrily as she was dragged through a window of a high tower in the castle, fitting the usual cliché, and was roughly thrown to the ground in a very odd room, filled with all sorts of twirling gismos that made weird but highly amusing noises, as well as several paintings on the wall, also with all kinds of weird bookshelves with odd items such as disembodied hands, cursed soap bars, yatta yatta, lit by a bunch of odd looking lamps in the shape of barn animals. Hey, I told you this room was weird.

"Well, isn't this a surprise!" said Pegasus happily, sitting on a huge red sofa in front of the place where Serenity was tossed on the floor, as she was trying to fight through the net around her. "Hello Serenity-Girl! (_A/N _It just doesn't sound as cool as 'Yugi-Boy' or 'Kaiba-Boy' does it?) I'm glad we finally get to see each other face to face!"

"And you should also be glad that I'm partially tied up!" said Serenity threateningly.

"Now now, none of that," said Pegasus. "All I want, my dear girl, is those Ruby Platform Straps. Is that so much to ask?"

"One, what would a guy want with platforms, two, Mai the Good Witch of the North, Northeast told me not to give them to you, and three, you acted like an idiot, ambushed my friends, beat the holy crud out of Seto, created an extreme drama chapter, had your bunny friend kidnap Joey, and you expect me to just hand them over to you?" asked Serenity.

Silence, while Serenity tried to get out of the net.

"Please?" asked Pegasus.

"NO!" Serenity shot back angrily, finally making her way out of the net.

"Well that's okay, considering the only way you can take them off is if you're dead…or too insane to know the difference," said Pegasus

"Oh…kay…" said Serenity.

"So I guess I could just kill you right know and take them," said Pegasus casually. "I was wondering if I would ever get a chance to try out that Executioner Boxed set I bought at Target. It's really cute, it gives you a mask and everything."

"Yeah, that's nice," said Serenity, walking toward the door. "You know what? I think I'll just leave."

"Or we could just put you for ten years in a torture pit of pain and spiraling misery until you are so completely of the key mad that you have no idea that you're even alive," said Pegasus, suddenly appearing in front of the doorway Serenity was just about to exit.

"I'm really not liking my options here," said Serenity.

"Okay, if you want to get all 'moral' on me, then fine, we'll make it quick and clean," said Pegasus, pulling out a huge 'Funny Rabbit' hourglass. "You got until this hourglass runs out, then I get to kill you off quick and clean. Okay?"

"I'd rather just leave," said Serenity.

"Great!" said Pegasus. "I'll bar the door just in case! See you in a bit!"

With that, he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Serenity just stood there for a second.

"I knew I should have ran," she said, walking up to the open window, carrying Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, tossing her out of it. "MS. FUZZY-KINS! GET HELP!"

---ooo---

"So I think all of the problems started when I agreed to be _Seto's _conscience," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins on a huge, red psychiatrists chair as a Freud-Looking man was making notes on a notepad. "I mean, I had that little pang inside me that was telling me it was a bad idea, but I kind of ignored it. I mean, come on, he's only human right?"

---ooo---

"Not _THAT _help!" said Serenity, still calling out the huge window. "Stop playing on words and go find the others!"

---ooo---

"No more sparkles…please, no more sparkles…" said Ryo pathetically, lying on the ground and hyperventilating.

"Stop crying Ryo…it's over…" said Seto, managing to shove his arm back into it's socket after a very sad pummeling from a pillow. "Hey, where's Serenity?"

"Carried off by the bunnies!" said Joey.

"WHAT?" screamed Ryo and Seto.

"This is terrible!" Ryo said. "What are we going to do? SHE'LL BE KILLED! OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR! SOMEBODY HOLD ME!"

The other two looked at Ryo as if he was insane.

"LET'S SAVE SERENITY!" said Joey. "HANG ON SERENITY! HAIM COMMIN!"

"I g-guess I'll h-have to go too…" said Ryo in a panic, walking toward Joey while shaking so hard it looked like he was going to fall over. "C-coming S-Seto?"

Seto held up a huge sign that said 'NO'.

"If you don't, you're conscience will make you drown in your own guilt…" said Ryo in a cheerful, after school special kind of voice. Seto then turned over the sign that said 'I don't care you girly twit, go play with the stupid, the answer is and will always be NO'.

That's when out of nowhere, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins slammed into Seto's head at ninety miles per hour, knocking him instantly to the ground, making him even more irritated that he already was after having his butt irrationally kicked by a bunch of cuddly flying animals.

"WHAT THE HECK CAN YOU POSSIBLY DO TO ANNOY ME EVEN MORE YOU STUPID FABRICATED TOY?" he screamed at Ms. Fuzzy-Kins at the top of his lungs.

"Oh thank God I hit you Seto!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Listen, Serenity's trapped at Pegasus's castle in a really high tower thing, and she's officially only got one hour to live before Pegasus comes and kills her! We need you and the others to go save her!"

"Are you out of your mind?" Seto yelled back, both Ryo and Joey looking on in fear of why Seto was having an argument with a plush toy, both convinced that he finally snapped. "We can't go back! One, Serenity can take care of herself, and two, if you haven't noticed, Ryo's in a state of near respiratory arrest, Joey is still suffering from being empty minded, AND I JUST SCREWED MY ARM BACK INTO IT'S SOCKET!"

"Seto, this is no time to be oblivious to ethics!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "You've got to kick your skinny butt in gear, and get her, or else this story will have to go up to T! And if it does…you'll have a permanent place on my bad side…"

"Make me," said Seto challengingly, Ryo and Joey still looking on in horror.

"Don't…tempt…me…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, her body starting to pulse with massive amounts of mind-blowing telekinetic power. Seto promptly stuck his tongue out at her.

"I knew you wouldn't do it," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, Ryo, and Joey similtaniously.

And so, the stubbornness side of Seto's personality kicked in, fueled by the fact that his own conscience, plus two lunatics was following the pre-laid stereotype. Or was it?

"My…God…I…hate you…" said Seto angrily to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, losing once again to his conscience, then turning to Ryo and Joey , pulsing with self-loathing. "I'LL GO ALONG, OKAY? STUPID IDIOTS! STUPID 'PLANT MORAL THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD' PLUSHIE CAT!"

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" Ryo and Joey said, both sweat dropping.

---ooo---

"It seems that this is some sick, unethical training class of torture…" said Joey, as the four loons (Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, Joey, Seto, Ryo) all peered over a wall of rock, spying in on a bunch of bunnies all lined up training.

"They're watching 'My Fat Greek Wedding' you simp," said Seto as the bunnies all were sitting around a TV and watching a movie while munching popcorn.

"Okay, do you all have your bunny suits on?" said Ryo happily, already in his, making him look more pathetically adorable than he already was.

"Yay, I'm a lifeguard!" said Joey, happily in his bunny suit, which was both a very hilarious and very painful sight to see. "Sweet! My butt itches…"

"NO!" said Seto angrily, his bunny suit unused as he sat next to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who had hers on.

"Seto come on, you agreed…" said Ryo.

"There was never going any mention that I would get landed in a bunny suit Ryo!" he yelled angrily, pulling out a lighter. "IT SHALL BURN!"

---ooo---

"La de da de da, we're just hopping into the castle, la de dah de do…" said Joey happily, hopping by in his bunny suit to the castle past the uncaring bunnies who were watching the movie. "I'M AN FOOT! I mean, a bunny, a cuddly, BUTSIE, bunny!"

"Tee tum bum, nothing to worry about at all…dee do da, we're just going inside for…no reason, tee tum ba," said Ryo, also hopping by. "No reason to wonder why we're nearly six feet tall each…no reason at all…"

"Yeah, and I'm just a bunny…disguised as Seto Kaiba…with bunny ears…" said Seto with bunny ears (they met halfway on the suit thing), walking by with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in a bunny suit. "If anyone mentions this, they shall die. Diiiiiiiiiii-eyyyeee…"

There was silence.

"Did you hear something?" asked one bunny.

"No," said another.

---ooo---

"Okay, we made it!" said Ryo, happily unzipping his costume and throwing off the bunny suit, as did everyone else, except Joey, who was sucking on his paw. "Now all we need to do is find Serenity!"

"I'm in here!" said Serenity, in the door right next to them. "Guys, I'm running out of time! When the hourglass runs out, Pegasus is going to come and kill me!"

"Must…use…head…as…pickaxe!" screamed Joey, slamming his head repeatedly into the thick wood door, making a few marks, but most being ineffective.

"You idiot!" Seto screamed, pulling him back by the shirt collar. "You can kill yourself later. Right know we need to-"

"EE-YAH!"

BANG!

Ryo just preformed a wicked awesome karate move that looked like a mid air kick that he used to saw the entire door vertically in half, until it fell apart in two pieces, leaving Serenity just staring at him.

Everyone gave Ryo a funny look.

"What?" he asked.

"JOEY! SETO! RYO! YOU SAVED ME!" Serenity cried with joy. "Now that's weird…usually it's the other way around…"

"YAY SERENITY!" Joey said, hugging her. That's when a bunch of spears held by a whole army of flying, fuzzy bunnies, all pointed right in the fours direction out of nowhere.

"SWEET! ANCHOVIES!" yelled Joey.

"Perfect…" said Serenity.

"Well, hello all!" said Pegasus, walking through a gap that the bunnies separated to let him through. "I'm glad my little bluff worked and you could all come to the fantastic games to be held!"

"What, that was a bluff?" asked Serenity. "You liar!"

"Oh I can't kill you, this story's PG," said Pegasus. "I figured if I just exposed you to enough Tom Jones music, those babies would pop right off!"

"Sicko…" said Seto.

"But I am a man of sport," said Pegasus. "So I wish to play a game with you. If I win, than you have to hand over those platforms, and control of all of Cuz, directly to me…"

"Fine," said Serenity. "But if I win, you have to give back Seto's brother, let us all go, promise not to be bad again, and an item of personal possession!"

"You strive a hard bargain…I accept!" said Pegasus. "Now it's time to start the three day tournament…of the dark game…of…DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!"

DUN DUN DUN!

---ooo---

Alright, it's almost update time for me, so it's time for the closing rant. Now it's time for me to rant about Joey and Seto.

Joey 

Where to begin? I suppose when I thought him up, I wanted there to be some realism in his personality. I really tried to bring some deep meaning to his struggle, but in the end…it really didn't work.

I think Joey is both the character that makes me happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy because I somehow managed to make him do things of increasing stupidity as time went on, and I thought I was going to run out of good ideas for stupid things for him to do halfway through the story. But he turned out to be pretty funny all the way through. On the other hand, that fact that he's really a one-sided character disappoints me somehow.

But there's one thing that I'm proud of about his personality…he's devastatingly loyal to Serenity. I think that fact that he clings to Serenity, the person who really watches out for him in this fic, really brings something a little deeper to Joey. Maybe…I don't know.

Looking for a brain, oddly, is the quest that I think people can relate the most too. However, it seems that ultimately, being the smart one causes more misery than being the stupid one. I feel sometimes I really do know too much. But I would never forgive myself is I made Joey any less funny than he is. He's always managed to lighten my mood, no matter what.

Seto 

If Seto was a character in Neverwinter Nights, he would be without a doubt a 'True Neutral'. I could rant about him forever, so I'll try to keep it short.

As a writer, I'm really proud of everything I did to make him who he is. He sarcastic personality partnered with his bad karma makes him such an easy character to write in a humor story. I always liked him as a character no matter what, so I think he turned out to be such a good character, because I had to do a lot of thinking to get the jist of his personality. And sometimes I _still _don't get it. I also put traits of a lot of people I know, and ultimately the heartless piece of myself, so there's a lot behind him.

Someone once described him as 'an idiot, not in the intelligence department, but in common sense'. I couldn't agree more. He is absolutely oblivious to common sense, as well as human kindness, and while probably the smartest person alive that I've written about so far, the direct contrast in his wisdom is so overwhelming, it's hilarious.

One things for sure, I had no idea how amazing dynamic and flexible he could be for any type of humor, dry, wit, satire, irony, anything. There are very structured rules for what the others can and cant do. Seto? Nah, those went away a long time ago…

PREMIERE: The deadly three day game of Dance Dance Revolution draws near, and Serenity has never played a single game in her life! But when Mai shows up, determined to help her win, it seems now that everyone is coming to see her fight! Can Ryo's rigorous training be enough to get her DDR smart? Will Mai's Mad Makeover kill her? And worst of all…CAN SETO STOP JOEY AND RYO FROM ACTING LIKE IDIOTS IN MAI'S ROOM? Find out on the next exciting chapter of 'The Wizard of Cuz'! 

Well, that's all for know! Remember, eat your insanity every day!


	33. If I Only Had Cross Dressing

Here I come to save the daaaaaay!

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS MINOR CROSS DRESSING!

And remember, after the chapter, got to Kokoro no Naka dot com and sign up for IFFEBT (Intelligent Fans For Ethical Bakura Treatment). RYO NEEDS HUGS NOT HURTS! Also, it's a great site. And become a member of FGACB (Fan Girls/Guys Against Character Bashing). DON'T BASH YU-GI-OH CHARACTERS! THEY DESERVE OUR LOVE AND RESPECT!

And another things, lately I've been having all these weird dreams that I'm cast in a play as The Wicked Witch of the West in some random presentation of 'The Wizard of Oz', and It's always tomorrow and I forgot my lines. What's weird is that I wake up, and I seriously think for a while that there's a play tomorrow I'm in. And it's happened twice in a row! I'm either having Drama Club Withdrawl or this story's finally getting to me ..

Just so you know, like Serenity, I have never played a game of 'Dance Dance Revolution' in my life (I don't have a PS2), and I know that eventually some of my friends are going to invite me over to their houses just to play. So bear with me okay? It's safe to say that I have no real clue what I'm doing. Well, actually I do. I pretty much know how you play and stuff. Okay…four more chapters until the end…WAAAAAAH!

Review time!

Bilbo-Sama

NOT HORRIFYING DUB NAMES! (Gasps) What did they name Asuka? SUSIE? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Chazz? What mother in their right mind would name a kid _CHAZZ_? Or CHUMELY? WHAT ARE THESE DUBBERS THINKING?

I'm glad you like the elephant! Of course, you're the first to review again, so this time…YOU GET A DIRE TIGER STRAIGHT OFF OF NEVERWINTER NIGHTS! (Cackles) Hey, it'll take care of your elephant problem!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FUN REVIEW! Enjoy the chappie!

Funky Egyptian

How indeed?

Joey's stupidity really does scare me at times. His attention span is, like, nil. And Seto always scares me…

Thanks for the nice review! I hope this chapter strikes you as just as cruel and unusual!

Imperfect Paradise

Hi there! Yep, when have I ever not been insane? Seriously. Though Pegasus is a bit of a loony himself.

DDR seemed very appropriate for what horrors that Serenity and the others are in store for. It's random, it's crazy, and potential injuries are involved. My kind of plot device!

Anyway, ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

ShadowFire2

'Run Forest Run', 'Run Luke Run', am I starting to see a connection here?

Awesome! I'm glad your so DDR smart! I'm not…hee hee, more scaryness is coming up next, so be prepared! THANK YOU AND ENJOY!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

I'm glad someone finally caught that. That's always been something I wanted to do in a fanfic, make someone trapped in a revolving door.

You know, the more I write this story, the more I realize that no matter what sick thoughts my twisted mind thinks up, somewhere, there's a piece of fan art that scarier. I once drew ASV, Double S, and Mobster in bunny ears for Easter…they'd probably kill me for it in real life.

DAY ONE OF THE DDR TOURNAMENT! Enjoy!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Joey really has no brain. I've said it, everyone in the story has said it, readers have said it, but really, _he has no brain._

I hope I can do the DDR tournament alright…I may have had to alter the rules a bit for my own writing needs. Well, if you still want a dose of insanity, I'll be starting another long-running story right after this one is over.

I really hope you like this next chapter! THANKS AGAIN MIZZ-SERENITY-WHEELER!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Hahahaha! RYO GETTING STABBED BY JOEY, WHO THINKS HE'S MAKING HIM FEEL BETTER! THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER DUBBER BOX! MARIK! SO HILARIOUS!

Thank you so much for the long, fun review! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! (Gives lotsa candy) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Enjoy this chappie too!

Princess Mika of the Shadows (Formally known as Dark Princess Saz), Natzo, Kyo, Tohru, and Marik

Thank you for the bandage Yami…(puts on head) hey, Lefthandedfreak is investigating further into the curse of Seto Kaiba, maybe we should try to find a cure for it! I wonder if that's possible, and if it involves berserk ritual things…

And no fun with your dad quoting your writing T.T I would probably have a heart attack if that happened at the dinner table. It's scary enough when my parents quote Monty Python…

WOOT! Plastic flamingos! Thank you for the super nice review!

Lefthandedfreak, and her good friend, Josh the Figment Man

Josh, you deserve credit too…

I can see your reasons for wanting to get kidnapped by Pegsy. You know, even with cheep special effects, I'd love to see the story tapped! I feel so flattered :D.

Does the curse exist? I've said Seto's name, but reffering to Alister's stash of plans to kill him, and I come out relatively unharmed, save for the weird, Wizard of Oz based dreams (see pre-review rant). Alister also wants to kill 'The stupid Auzie' (what my brother and I think he calls Valon). I could probably write a scary Doom Biker Story.

Anyway, thanks for the review! Henjoy!

Fuzzy Bunny

I'd hug either of them! Of course, if I did, there would probably be consequences for both…

_If Shri Held Ryo…_

Priest: I know pronounce you Fictional Character and Wife. You may kiss the bride.

_If Shri Held Seto…_

Little Brother: (Finding Body) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHE'S DEAD!

Uh…anyway, thank you for the review! I just want his trenchcoat, but now that I think about it, with all the trouble I get into, the ability to hide behind fence posts could be really helpful. Anway, thanks again!

Serenity-Yugioh-fan05

Thanks! Hope you like the next one!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE**

If I Only Had Cross Dressing

"Um…what?" Serenity asked, confused at what Pegasus just said.

"Dance Dance Revolution!" said Pegasus proudly. "You know, music, arrows, big stagy thing…"

"Uh…" Serenity said.

"Yes, it _is _outlandishly terrible, isn't it?" asked Pegasus.

"I'VE NEVER PLAYED A GAME OF DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION IN MY LIFE!" Serenity screamed at the top of her lungs in panic, not knowing that all of her friend's fates were staked on a game she never played before.

"Can we have a day to train her?" asked Ryo cheerfully.

"Yeah, whatever," said Pegasus, obviously very confident in his abilities, as he looked at his nails, wondering if he was due for a manicure. "I will provide your room and board for the three days, plus one day of training, for the tournament. General Fluffa-Pie will show you to your rooms. As for the rest of you…I don't know, go wash something."

And so as General Fluffa-Paw waved a paw, beckoning them to follow him, all the other bunnies pulled out sponges and other cleaning supplies and began scrubbing everything in sight, including each other.

---ooo---

"How am I supposed to get DDR smart in only one day?" asked Serenity to the guys as they followed General Fluffa-Pie down the ancient hallways of the castle, filled with armor and more of those painted pictures, to their rooms. "I don't know anything about the game at all!"

"Hey Serenity, don't worry!" said Ryo happily. "For years, I have trained diligently with the DDR Monks of a local hilltop outside of Cornwall! I have mastered the art of Dance Dance Revolution on all physical, mental, and spiritual levels!"

"Wait, they have DDR Monks?" asked Seto.

"It's a very obscure practice, don't get me wrong," said Ryo.

"Only you Ryo…only you…" said Seto.

That's when Joey began sucking on his entire hand.

"Never mind…" said Seto.

"Anyway, are you sure that you can train me in time?" asked Serenity. "I mean, you said that you spent years with your freaky monk things…"

"Come on! It's just a game!" said Ryo. "By the time I'm done with you, you'll be a pro! You've got a healthy body, a good mind, reflexes, and you're two own DDR slaves!"

"My God, he has better not be talking about us…" said Seto angrily, as Joey was now trying to fit his entire arm in his mouth.

"Don't worry Serenity!" said Ryo. "It's high time I play a useful role in this fanfic!"

"That would be a first," said Seto, as Joey was now trying to jam in his shoulder bone, and Serenity was pleasantly surprised to see that, once General Fluffa-Pie showed them, they all had their own room, for the very first time in this story.

---ooo---

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Serenity screamed, standing bolt upright in pure fright in response to the huge air horn that was fired right next to her ear while in bed, her hair sticking up on end. As her bugged out eyes ran over the entire room at one hundred miles per hour, she soon found that the person who was holding the air horn turned out to be…

"RYO!" she yelled angrily. "WHY THE HECK DID YOU USE AN AIR HORN? AT FIVE THRITY AM? RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR?"

"It's part of the training!" said Ryo. "The DDR Monks are very strict with the time people get up in the morning! I was nice and let you sleep in!"

"Sleep in?" Serenity said angrily (she's not a morning person). "LARKS AREN'T OUT AT THIS HOUR!"

"Hey, do you want to kick Peggy's butt or not?" asked Ryo. "I'm just glad you took getting up at five thirty better than Seto did."

"How did he take it?" asked Serenity in a croaky kind of voice, rubbing her eyes. That's when Ryo pointed to a huge, flaming crater in the middle of the hallway. Serenity didn't say another word.

"Come on then, let's go outside!" said Ryo.

---ooo---

"Ah…what a perfect morning for training!" Ryo said happily as the sun rose behind him, and Serenity, Joey, and Seto looked like zombies. In fact, Joey fell asleep on Seto just after Ryo said that sentence.

"It is technically morning, isn't it?" said Seto grogilly, not hesitating to grab Joey and throwing him off him, at fifty miles per hour at least, to nearly two hundred yards away.

"Okay, now we're going to start off by meditating," said Ryo, happily getting down in the grass in a cross-legged Yoga position, closing his eyes with a happy smile on his face.

"Sitting down quietly thinking…yeah, I can handle that," said Serenity, imitating his position, and closing her eyes as well.

"Okay, now I want you to imagine yourself in a box," said Ryo. "On each face of the box, very slowly, a random arrow shall scroll up the surface of the box."

"Okay…" Serenity said, picturing such in her head.

"Now, when a new arrow appears on the screen, I want you to think of the direction the arrow wants you to go, and turn in that direction in that imaginary box whenever a new arrow appears. Okay?"

"Okay…" said Serenity, also imagining it.

"Now if a pair of arrows appear, I want you to go in one direction, and then the other…alright?" said Ryo.

"Yeah…" said Serenity, looking much more relaxed in the Yoga position. "Yeah…you know Ryo, I think…I think I really am doing okay…"

"Good, have you gotten yourself into a rhythm?" asked Ryo.

"Yeah…I have!" Serenity said confidently.

"Good, now we're going to make this a little more real," said Ryo.

"How?" asked Serenity, with her eyes still closed.

"By putting you right next to pounding techno music and beating you with a baseball bat to simulate stress!" said Ryo, as a huge stereo behind Serenity started pounding some German Techno-Rock, and Ryo started smashing Serenity on the back with a wooden baseball bat. "Now come on Serenity! Stay with the rhythm! STAY WITH THE RHYTHIM!"

"I'm going to get something to eat," said Seto, as chaos generally ruled on the training ground.

"WOOT! FOOD!" Joey said, happily bouncing after Seto.

---ooo---

"Okay Serenity, now this is a lesson in reflexes," said Ryo, as Serenity was covered in band-aides, as Joey was happily munching on ten boxes of donuts as Seto watched on, somewhat amused.

"Does it involve more emotional scaring and trauma?" asked Serenity.

"Nope!" said Ryo happily, as he and Serenity found themselves in front of a portable 'Whack A Weasel', another 'Whack A Mole' spin off. "All we're going to do is play an innocent game of 'Whack A Weasel'."

"Oh, easy," said Serenity, picking up the mallet that was next to the game on the holder pin thing.

"Except I made one, tiny modification," said Ryo, starting to turn on the game.

"What?" asked Serenity in a hallow, dead voice.

"All the weasels are alive and rabid, and if you miss one, it will jump up and bite you on the face," said Ryo, as Serenity looked horrified at the game as a little electronic voice said 'Go!'.

"AH!" said Serenity, desperately bonking the weasels that started to pop up from the holes and jump at Serenity, foaming at the mouth, as she whirled her mallet around in horror to protect her body from dire injury (animal lovers, please note that I am also an animal lover and do not condone beating up animals, even if they are rabid). However, the weasels not only resisted Serenity's bashes, but they also wouldn't go back into their holes, and they repeatedly attacked her.

"ACH! NO!" she screamed, consumed by a cloud of rabid weasels. "THEY'RE LACERATING MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

"Okay, um…he was murdered in the bathroom…by the butler…WITH A BOWL OF VANILLA PUDDING!" screamed Joey happily over the game.

"We're playing bridge, stupid mutt," said Seto, holding a hand of cards.

"Hey, Serenity's getting attacked by weasels…SHOULD I GO GET MY MEDICINE?" asked Joey excitedly.

"No, but some antiseptic would be good…" said Seto, observing the carnage.

---ooo---

"Okay, we're going to do a simple DDR simulation now," said Ryo, as Serenity stood on a DDR board drawn in the ground with a stick, a bunch of wires strapped onto her body, while Joey held a remote control of sorts, and Seto held up a bunch of cue cards.

"Ryo, what kind of training did you do?" asked Serenity, not liking the looks of this training already. "And is this going to involve more dismemberment?"

"Nope!" said Ryo. "It's a simple DDR simulator to test your reflexes and other skills. Now, what Seto is going to do is hold up a prepared cue card, with either an arrow or a word direction written on it. All you have to do is put your foot in the direction that the arrow or word states. If you get it wrong, as a form of negative reinforcement, Joey will issue a small shock to your body."

"Is this legal?" asked Serenity.

"Oh, no you're making this all technical!" said Ryo. "Begin the simulation!"

With that, Seto held up the first sign, a left arrow. Serenity hopped one foot on the left panel of the DDR board drawn in the dirt. Seto dropped the sign to reveal one that said 'up'. Serenity then hopped up.

"Hey, this isn't so hard!" said Serenity, acing the right arrow, and the down arrow, and the 'left', and the down arrow again, and then, for the first time, doing a spectacular up and right arrow combo.

"Oh darn, I was sure I was going to trick you on that one," said Ryo. "Okay Serenity, but this time, they're going to get harder, so pay attention!"

"Right!" said Serenity, after acing the right arrow, but then Seto revealed the next cue card, which turned out to be labeled 'derecha'.

"What?" Serenity asked, but then, Joey received the cue from Ryo, and Joey then pushed the button on the controller and zapped Serenity.

Then, the cue card was dropped, and another one, this one with a down arrow so tiny, you needed a magnifying glass to see it. Serenity also didn't catch this one, and also got shocked.

Then came a card that was written in Sanskrit.

BZZT!

"AH!"

BZZT!

"OW!"

BZZT!

"Ooh…"

"BZZT!

"EEK!"

BZZT!

"STOP IT JOEY!"

Joey just kept pressing the button over and over again for no good reason, laughing happily as he did such.

---ooo---

"Alright Serenity!" said Ryo proudly over lunch at a small food court not far from the training ground. "Do you feel DDR Savvy?"

"No Ryo, all I feel is beat up and lethargic," said Serenity, covered in band-aides and medical tape, with bruises starting to form over her back. "What kind of monks did you train with? No wonder you're a screaming coward!"

"Well the tournament's tomorrow!" said Seto, not sounding very encouraging. "If there's going to be some sudden burst of Dance Dance Revolution based enlightenment, it better happen pretty darn soon, because the clocks ticking!"

"Seto, if your parents had the pep-talking gene, it was recessive," said Serenity.

"Oh thank God I found you!" said Mai, running over to the table the four sat in at the food court as fast as she can, running over a lot of random pedestrians on the way, which is very painful when someone is wearing spiked heels. "I heard you have a DDR match with Pegasus tomorrow, and I came over as soon as I could!"

"Do you have a less painful way of teaching me?" asked Serenity, feeling her muscles starting to ball up at the words 'help' and 'DDR' being said in the same sentence.

"Oh please, DDR is easy, just follow the arrows," said Mai. "I need to get you made over!"

"What?" asked Serenity.

"Don't you know?" said Mai. "There's a secondary judging based on how well you look, your style, grace, all that jazz!"

"Wait…HALF OF IT'S SHOW?" asked Serenity.

"Yeah…" said Mai.

"Now that's shallow," said Seto.

"Hey don't blame me, the tournament's sponsored by a fashion/beauty store," said Mai. "OH MY GOD! YOU ARE _NOT _GOING TO WEAR A SCHOOL UNIFORM! NOT ON MY WATCH!"

"This is the only outfit I have!" Serenity said.

"Well…I have my own outfits of course," said Mai, pulling out a magic wand and tapping Serenity with it, and with a cloud of magic spirally stuff, turned her school uniform into a belly-bearing strapless shirt, micro-mini, tall, purple, spiked heal boots, and a purple jacket.

"NO!" screamed Serenity, not wanting to wear the same clothes as Mai.

"Oh no, then that means we only have nine hours to make you over before the tournament!" said Mai, looking at her watch in horror. "Well, better use my magic to teleport us back to my place."

---ooo---

**ONE TELEPORTATION SPELL LATER! WoOoOoOoOoO!**

"Wow, nice place," said Ryo, finding himself, as well as the others, in Mai's apartment. It was indeed very nice, (one living room, dining room/kitchen, bathroom, and a bedroom, which is pretty nice if you ask me) and Serenity's first instinct was to collapse on a couch do to Ryo's hard-core DDR training, but no such luck.

"Alright sweets," said Mai, grabbing her by the shoulder. "The tournaments tomorrow at seven, which is pretty early, so we're going to have to get you made over tonight. Now, you and me are heading off to make you pretty-"

"Then why did you teleport us back here?" asked Seto.

"Easy, I don't want you three tagging along with us, four if you count the plush toy," said Mai. "So…how can I put this…"

---ooo---

"Oh come on, we're not _that_ untrustworthy!" said Ryo as he found himself, Seto, and Joey all locked in Mai's room.

"CABBAGES!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs right next to Ryo, freaking him out.

"Great...I'm stuck here with the brainless one and the naïve one…I hate my existence…" said Seto.

"You can't hate us that much, can you?" asked Ryo.

"Let me put it this way," said Seto. "On the list of people I like, you two are in are tied for second place."

"Yay!" Ryo and Joey cheered.

"Everyone in the known and unknown universe is tied for first place," said Seto.

"Oh…" Ryo and Joey said.

Awkward silence.

"So how long is Serenity gonna be gone anyway?" asked Joey.

"Um…probably about six or seven hours, why?" asked Ryo.

"SWEET! That's enough time to perform a voodoo ritual!" said Joey, for some literary impossibility suddenly in some kind of funky tribe garb, which included a massive amount of facial and body paint, as well as a grass skirt. "Hey Ryo, wanna pull my still-beating heart out of my body for me?"

"TOO MUCH STUPIDITY!" screamed Seto, rushing to the door, trying to pry it open. "NOOOOOOOOO! I CAN'T GET OUT!"

"Joey, this knife's sharp! You could cut yourself!" cried Ryo in horror, holding Joey's ritual knife in his hands.

"No…suffo…ca…ting…" said Seto, not being able to take the stupidity. "Must…end it…all…now…"

"Tooth Fairy, why are you trying to stab yourself with that nail file?" asked Joey stupidly.

---ooo---

"AAAAAAAH! NOOOOOO! AH-BLL-PFTT-AAAAAAAAAAH! SHE'S TRYING TO DROWN MEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Oh for cripes sakes, stop flailing around like that," said Mai, who was trying to shove Serenity down in a public bath/spa, in extra foamy water, while madly scrubbing her up. "God, you're acting like I'm trying to kill you."

"I can take my own baths, thank you!" yelled Serenity, as she was shoved underwater again by Mai.

"Not the right way, you don't," said Mai.

"This is the right way? Consuming ten gallons of water, getting shampooed and conditioned ten times, and getting your lungs waterlogged?" asked Serenity, surfacing for air again.

"Obviously you've never been to France," said Mai, sorting through all the bath supplies she had. "Okay, next I'm thinking coconut oil…"

"Now I know why no one like's the French," said Serenity, as she was shoved under again.

---ooo---

The next part of Mai's plan for Serenity, however, turned out to be much more pleasant.

"This is muuuuuuch better," said Serenity, as her hair was being dried off in huge spa hairdryer, getting a manicure with Mai.

"I knew you'd like this better," said Mai, as she was getting her nails done too. "Now I think we should go with crimson red for your nails, they'd look so nice against your skin…"

"Thanks for helping me get ready for the tournament tomorrow," said Serenity. "This is much better than that DDR training…"

"I figured you needed a break, what with running across half of Cuz and all," said Mai. "Besides, I love makeovers."

"I just hope the others are okay," said Serenity.

"Oh come on, they're not that dim," said Mai. "I'm sure they'll find some way to entertain themselves."

---ooo---

Meanwhile back with the idiot three and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, Mai was correct in the idea that the boys would somehow be entertaining themselves. Ryo was amusing himself by smiling cheerfully and thinking about how wonderful the world was and how lucky he was to have such good friends. Seto was occupying himself by lying on the floor and letting himself slowly slip into the dark void of madness. Joey was amusing himself by attempting to count to three.

"Wa-One…tuh-tuh-two…uh…uh…" said Joey, up to three fingers held up on his hand. "Uh…I DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOW!"

"Truer words have never been spoken…" Seto croaked.

Ryo, while enjoying his friends company, couldn't help but suddenly become restless. He was used to running away screaming from something at this hour. Then, he turned around, and gazed thoughtfully.

"Joey…" he asked. "…would I look better in red or purple?"

Seto's eyes automatically bugged out.

"Well red, duh," said Joey.

"Really?" said Ryo. "I was thinking purple. I mean, I always wear cool colors and stuff…"

Seto's left eye started twitching madly.

"No, look," said Joey, picking up a purple lipstick, pulling the top off, unscrewing it, and putting a generous amount on his lips. "See? You can already see a little blue undertone in my skin show up, and you're have a much fairer complexion than me, so it would be worse-"

"WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs, causing the other two to spin around from the mirror. "Don't you two have _any_ pride?"

Both Joey and Ryo nodded no.

"Alright, I'm putting my foot down, no more makeup, no more colors, no more what would look better on who," said Seto, snatching the lipstick out of Joey's hands. "Understand?"

Silence.

"Hey, what color would Seto look good in?" asked Ryo to Joey.

"Blue, defiantly," said Joey. "It would look _great _with his eyes, and he tends to wear cool colors a lot, plus-"

"Look," said Seto, glaring not-quite-the-death-glare-but-pretty-close glare. "No more of this, got it? No, no, no, and may I say it again at a very loud volume, **NO!**"

**TWO MINUTES LATER**

"LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET YOU FOOLS!" screamed Seto through the closet door, tied by his hands, ankles, and torso to a chair, all locked up. "LET ME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!"

"Yay! Let's have some fun!"

"Oh, look at all of this mascara!"

"Oh Ryo! Just look at these blouses! Let's try some on!"

"No, the _pink _one Joey! The _pink _one!"

"Sweet, a black wig!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" screamed Seto, madly trying to break free.

"Ah, just what I expected," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins calmly, as Seto turned to see her sitting next to him in the closet. "Yet again, you've gotten yourself into more trouble than you've bargained for. Sticking to your strengths, eh?"

"JUST HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THEY DO SOMETHING STUPIDER!" yelled Seto angrily at Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Are you kidding?" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "At last…we meet, and the advantage is mine! HA HA HAAAAAA!"

"Are you done freaking me out?" asked Seto.

"Nope," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I really want to see the result of this fiasco. Plus, I think it's high time to pay for all of your crimes against humanity. Like being a heartless jerk and such."

"Gotta…get…free…" Seto said, trying in vain to break the ropes.

"But while we're here," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, pulling out a portable DVD player, "let's watched taped nature programs!"

"You're…not human…you plushie…" said Seto, as Ms. Fuzzy-Kins put the DVD in the player.

"-'and so, the female Praying Mantis bites the head off her mate, to increase the change of her own offspring surviving by giving herself extra nutrients'-"

"That's disgusting!" screamed Seto. "POLICE! NATIONAL GUARD! SUPERMAN! ANYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! HELP MEEE!

---ooo---

"Now that was fun," said Serenity, carrying massive amounts of clothes home in several bags with Mai. "Wow, I've got so many outfits to choose from now! Thank you so much Mai! Oh, and thanks for that 'Spiral' DVD boxed."

"Don't mention it," said Mai, unlocking the door to her room. "It's about time we feed the weirdoes you hang out with."

"Hey, they may be weirdoes," said Serenity, "but I'm a weirdo too! And together, we're the most elite weirdo team…in all…of…Cuz…"

That's when she walked in to see the most mind-blowing sight in the history of forever. There stood Joey, wearing a long, black-haired wig, a orange and red midriff, low-rise, boot-cut pants, and strap sandals, white Ryo was wearing a huge, pink hair ribbon, a 'cutie' T-shirt, a pair of green khaki shorts, and white sneakers, both outfits stolen from Mai's wardrobe. Both were wearing lots of bracelets and clip on earrings, as well as light makeup.

"Jo-ey…Ree-yo…what…the heck…" Serenity said, holding so many bad words back.

"Oh…hi Serenity," said Ryo awkwardly, as Joey snatched of the wig and hid it behind his back. "Uh…heh heh…did you enjoy yourselves?"

"Why are you wearing those clothes, and where is Seto?" asked Serenity.

"We felt like it, and in the closet!" Joey said cheerfully, pointing to the closet.

As Mai began screaming at the two with sheer disdain, Serenity managed to pry open the closet door to find Seto gapping in horror at a portable DVD player.

"-here we see a pantomime goose," the narrator said on the DVD. "Zee goose is in a life or death struggle with-"

"At this point of the story, I'm not even going to ask," said Serenity.

---ooo---

"Hello and welcome to Day One of Maximillion Pegasus's Three Day 'Dance Dance Revolution' Tournament," said a random BBC reporter. "Tensions are heating up on these fields, when a seemingly innocent game of DDR may turn into a complete shift of power, due to the Ruby Platform Slippers, highly magical items, being at stake. So what does the average man in the crowd think of this tournament?"

"I think it's going to be great!" said ASV, who's little name label thing on the screen said 'Agent Sweater Vest; Conscience in Training'. "I really think their pretty evenly matched! I hope Serenity wins though, because…well, let's say that Mr. Pegasus isn't the freshest thing on the menu, if you know what I mean."

"Well I hope Serenity wins," said Tea, who's label was 'Tea Garner; Sufferer of Cruel and Unusual Summer Jobs'. "Can't stand the thought of an insane twenty-two year old who looks like an old man with a hoard of fuzzy bunnies ruling Cuz."

"Well she better win," said Nancy the Wise Cracker, who's label was 'Nancy the Wise Cracker; Pirate'. "I came halfway across Cuz to see this, and if me and the crew are cheering her on, we better see results, or I'll get mad. Say, is that a twenty-five karat watch?"

"YAY SERENITY! GANBATTNE!" said Double S, who label was 'Spirit of the Snow; Cuddly Chibi'.

"Yeah, I suppose I like her better, she's pretty nice," said Spirit, who's label was 'Spirit; Has a Really Bad Fixation of Seto Kaiba'. "OH MY GOD! SETO! WAIT! DON'T RUN AWAY SCREAMING! I LOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOU!" (_A/N Did I not warn you that Spirit's original design was to be so obsessed with Seto, it borderlines stalker?_)

"WHY ARE YOU POINTING THAT CAMERA AT ME PUNKO?" screamed Richard the Irritable, who's label didn't matter, because he punched out the lense of the camera, making everything fuzzy for a short bit.

"And there you have it, just a few open opinions of the duel," said the BBC reporter. "This is BBC World, DDR Arena, Cu-"

"BRITISH PERSON!"

"OH GOD!" screamed the camera man, running away in horror as Mobster was hard on his tail.

"Uh…Mobster will be out for a bit," said Johney Roma, who was in the commentator's chair in a high box over the large, DDR platform in the middle of the arena. "Hello, I am Johney Roma, and I shall be commentating this part of the three day DDR Tournament, sponsored by Air. Air, what better thing to breath? Okay, back to the game. I have just read the records on the betting on the winner of today's tournament, and it appears that it's Pegasus 2-1, Serenity 500-1 for today, and Pegasus 2-1, Serenity 2,000-1 for the entire tournament."

"I'm glad to see the public supports me…" said Serenity, listening to the commentary as she sat waiting for the game to begin. Mai's makeover had done it's wonders. Not only did her hair look nice and shiny, she was also wearing an great looking tan, sleeveless shirt with a tie front, a silver chain necklace with a little star charm at the end (nothing gaudy), a pair of powder blue pedal pushers, and a small, black charmed ankle bracelet.

"Don't worry Serenity!" Joey said. "I have the utmost confidence in you!"

"Bets sir?" asked a guy who came around and collected bet money.

"Five on Peggsy!" said Joey, handing over a five bucks.

"Well, I suppose this is how it all ends," said Seto. "I only hope that Serenity has the power to overcome the insane evil of Pegasus."

"You bet ten bucks she'd lose, didn't she?" asked Ryo.

"Ryo, why do you have this preconception that I think she's going to lose?" said Seto. "I think I have a little more confidence in her than that!"

"You bet twenty quid that she'd lose then?" asked Ryo.

"Twenty five actually," said Seto.

"And here begins the game!" said Johney Roma. "The rules are as follows. Both players have to look at the screen and follow the arrow patterns that will flash across it. The person who follows the arrows with missing the move the least number of times shall win the game. However, there shall be a tiny modification. The DDR platform, if you haven't noticed, has walls on both sides of it."

And he was right. On each side of the platforms were two huge walls, and each had a DDR step pattern on them.

"When the screen flashes green, it means for a short period of seconds, you can perform a certain number of moves on the wall by either jumping up to perform one, or using the bar to hold yourself in the air for a short duration of time," said Johney.

"That's sounds really tricky…" said Serenity. "And what's worse is that I'm already disadvantaged because I'm wearing platforms, which aren't exactly the most maneuverable footwear on the market."

"And what if you slip or something?" asked Ryo. "You could get hurt!"

"Well…it looks like I have no choice!" said Serenity. "Besides, if there's one thing I've learned from this trip, it's how to be less clumsy! Wish me luck guys!"

With that, Serenity started walking up to the DDR platform. That's when her shoe got caught in the stairway, and she fell flat on her face on the stairs.

"I'll call the ambulance then," said Seto.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!" said Johney on the commentary. "The Champion, Maxamillion Pegasus, The Challenger, Serenity Wheeler!"

"Uh, why am I being strapped in?" said Serenity, as a harness thing was strapped around her by some referees.

"This is an extreme form of DDR," said the ref. "We don't want you to get killed trying to pull some fantastic stunt on the wall."

"Huh, good point," said Serenity, as there was a countdown on the screen, and 'Sandstorm' started to play.

"And they're off!" said Johney. "Fantastic start for both, really hitting those notes. It's pretty amazing Miss Wheeler's a beginner, she's doing quite-oh! Fantiastic landing by Pegasus, that was a really hard combo-oh, a little shaky, but she hit it ladies and gents!"

It took a little while for Serenity to start off, and her beginning was much shakier than Pegasus's who it was easy to see was a seasoned DDR combater. Left, up, left, right, up, down, right, left, up, right-it was hard getting into the format, but she did pretty well once she got into it.

"Oh man," said Ryo, watching from the stands with the other two. "Serenity's doing fine, but Pegasus isn't missing a beat! It's going to be a really tough run."

"Serenity's just going to have to pull off something fantastic to win the judges approval in the secondary judging," said Seto, as Joey munched on some moldy cheese he bought.

"Look how fast those arrows are going," said Ryo. "Is it just me, or are they speeding up?"

"TOOTH FAIRY!" screamed Joey. "CAN I HAVE A TWENTY?"

Serenity was starting to feel the same way. It really did seem like the arrows _were_ getting faster, either that or she was getting a lot slower. She knew that she had to keep up with the pace. The judges were watching her, and a part of her score was to be based on the performance of the individual. And she just thought about all the people who were depending on her to win…however, that thought didn't quite rest easily on her nerves. She could feel herself missing some of the moves, and she was just barely keeping up with Pegasus.

Then, two things happened that would turn the whole game around.

The green light flashed on the screen.

And Serenity tripped.

"OH NO!" cried Ryo. "She's going to get hurt!"

"And a fumble like that could cost her the game!" said Seto.

"ONIONS!" screamed Joey in horror.

However, what happened was just short of a miracle. She somehow grabbed the rail while she was falling, swung herself around on it with so much force that she threw herself up in the air, and grabbed her harness, swinging around on it, and landing on the score board just in time to do a fantastic combo, while Pegasus didn't even bother to try, because the crowd's gasp clued him in that she had tripped earlier, and he did not assume she was going to pull a fantastic recovery.

"OH MAN! THAT WAS WICKED!" said Mobster, who made it back to the commentator box after unsuccessfully hunting down the BBC reporter.

"Are you done chasing British People down?" asked Johney.

"For the day, yeah," said Mobster.

"Fantastic!" said Johney. "My gosh, this proves that their skills are right about equal! And…oh! It's the end of the song! Now it's time for the secondary scores! Our panel of four judges shall count the scores. First, Pegasus."

Pegasus's score card was held up. He got a 8.4, 9.1, 8.7, and 9.3. That made his total score a 35.5 out of 40,which is multiplied by ten because of the rules. Combined with his score of 127 points from the DDR, he had a total of 482.

"Very good!" said Johney. "Now it's time for Serenity Wheeler's score!"

The judges gave her a score of 9.0, 9.5, 9.4, and 9.2. This made her score a solid 37.1. Her DDR score was 118, making her final score 489, just seven points above Pegasus.

"THE WINNER FOR ROUND ONE IS SERENITY WHEELER!" said Johney. "AND WHAT A FANTASTIC ROUND IT WAS!"

---ooo---

I couldn't agree more.

I don't own any DDR stuff, just so you know.

And now, it's time for character rants! This week, we look at two characters with brown eyes, white hair, and weird accents! Yep, it's Ryo and Pegasus!

_Ryo_

Poor kid, he had a hard time in this story from the start…

Ryo is a character I really admire, simply because no matter how painfully naïve he seems at time, he's really just has a happy opinion of the entire world. He enjoys being alive, and I think that's something we all need to admire. He's also super polite, which is something I try to be, but I ultimately fail. I'm as bad as Seto at times XD. I think the best way to describe him is that he goes out of his way to be happy, which is why he's sometimes a hard character to nail, because I times I really think I go out of my way to be miserable. He's my ideal guy XD.

I think his cheeriness serves a double purpose. It keeps him sane when times in his life can be really, really down, and also in sharp contrast to his evil side. A good FF dot net author, LariaKaiba, once claimed Ryo 'has a psychotic side, and I'm not talking about Yami-Bakura'. I think in a way she's kind of right. If he loves RPGs as much as I do, that bloodthirsty, axe-wielding Barbarian is somewhere in there, waiting to come out at the oddest moments. I try my best to give you little glimpses of that when I can.

Ryo is probably the character I'd get along most with. He's always made me smile, and he continues to do the more I look into his personality. If we were locked in a room, we'd probably just sit and talk quietly, or hack each other to bits in _Neverwinter Nights_, whichever came first XD.

_Pegasus_

Pegsy is what I would call another failure in a shot at making an in-depth character. Like Joey, his role became more and more farcical as time passed.

Pegasus is a pretty odd character, no matter which way you look at it. He's almost completely one-dimensional, who's soul purpose in this story is either to annoy characters to the brink of insanity, or do something incredibly stupid to get a laugh. I almost imagine at times that the gang tries to unravel the complexity of his mind, but ultimately get nothing, or get a bunch of things that aren't true, due to the fact that Pegasus's mind is so simple, they over think it. In a way, Joey is probably the one who understands Pegasus the most, because the most complicated thoughts he has on Pegasus is 'Ha ha. He's funny lookin'. Is that a wig? ICE CREAM!'

Sorry to scare you.

Anyway, the only thing I guess I like about Pegasus is that no matter how you look at it, he's doing his own thing, and he doesn't really care about what other people think. He's a loony, but he's a happy loony. And General Fluffa-Pie is his only real friend, now that you mention it. General Fluffa-Pie has to do a lot of 'under thinking' when it comes to Pegasus as well.

Well, I really don't think I can say anything more about Peggy. Let's have a premiere of Chapter Thirty-Four shall we?

**PREMIERE: **Everything seems to be going perfect for the gang. The chapters are longer, Serenity's confidence is on high, and there is no scheduled cross dressing for the rest of the story. But Day Two of the DDR Tournament only brings new struggles and new problems, as Mai hires the two most psychotic OC's to baby sit the boys, and the one who saves the…I don't even want to say it. Can Serenity bail the loonies out of trouble when crossfire brews? Can Joey master the power The Eggplant of Brawn? And will the most shocking game of DDR yet completely ruin all the gang has been fighting for? Find out on yet another wacky episode of _The Wizard of Cuz_!

This fan fiction will self destruct in fifteen seconds. Good night!


	34. If I Only Had Seta's Revenge

"_Joseph Stalin: Earliest member of the modern Democratic Party."  
_-Major-sama

"_Republicans for Voldemort!"  
_-A bumper sticker

I jus love scaring you. In fact, I'm sure that when a couple of you saw the title, you started crying. Yes, it's SETA'S REVENGE! MUA HA! But first, review time!

LoneFlyinTigers

Don't worry! I'm just glad that you're here now!

Yeah, cross dressing is probably one of the most insane things I have thought up yet. And that's saying something. And thanks for the typo. I thought I fixed it, but when you reviewed, I managed to re-fix it just in time! (gives thank-you candy)

Seto I can understand with the confidence thing, but Joey…well, he's a fool, so I guess he has an excuse too…sorta…

I really do wonder about Ryo at times. And who can stand watching nature movies? Now that I think about it, how did Serenity not be severely wounded after Ryo's 'training'? Maybe it somehow actually worked?

As to your question, we see hints of that today, but we really figure it out next chapter. Sorry. Anyway, please enjoy the chappie!

Fuzzy Bunny

Ouch. Your friends trained with the bicycle monks?

Yes, Seto is not a morning person. Neither am I to be honest, so I can relate.

I just got it last weekend and I love it (squee!). I really like the living safe guy. He's funny. Oh, and High Priest Set (aka the screaming loony with the silly hat) does love to threaten people, doesn't he? I really see that a lot in modern-day Seto, only most of it's directed at Joey…

THANK YOU FOR WRITING A NOT-THREE-SENTENCES-REVIEW FUZZY! Woot indeed! Enjoy this chapter!

Pointe Master

Hi! I'm glad you like DDR so much! How am I doing writing it so far?

Everyone should be glad that Ryo or any of the DDR monks didn't teach them how to play. I'm sure any average soul would be dead if they did.

Thank you for the reviews! Enjoy!

Lefthandedfreak, and Josh the Figment Man

HI GUYS! (waves until her arms snaps off)

Anyway (puts arm back on), it seems like a lot of people were traumatized seeing Ryo cross dressing, even though I went out of my way to make Joey seem worse. It kind of scares me…It's like people are expecting Joey to walk around dressed as a lady…and poor Seto too, just look at how he has to suffer.

I don't know how Ryo survived. It must be a miracle. Or Ryo is more insane than I originally thought.

Oh, and make sure you give your friends thank yous for liking this story and wanting to tape it (and deepest sympathy for Jaimee-Lee, for getting landed with the role of _Seto, _hee hee). I feel so happy! (sobs gratefully)

I need to get help too, know that I think about it.

No new developments on the curse of Seto Kaiba except two minor things. One is that Princess Mika of the Shadows is glad for your help in dealing with the curse, and that somehow, I really must be immune to the curse so much that it's protecting my brother, because we decided to write a one-shot together, and no matter how many times he said 'Kaiba' (he refers to him as Kaiba, while I refer to him as Seto), he didn't get struck down, which is odd, because his favorite character is Alister (ironic, no?) Maybe you have to say Seto's full name for the curse to activate?

Well I can't wait to see how the bets turn out. Thank you guys! Enjoy the chappie!

Bilbo-Sama

OH NO! How dare you break the trend?

Few…Alexis isn't so bad I guess, but the Jaden thing is just weird…and I can understand where they're coming from. Chronos _looks _like a Marvel reject of some sort. I know I'm kind of bugging you with names, but what did they name Daitokuchu-sensei and his cat? Something really lame like 'Doctor Maximus Felinicus' and his trusty sidekick 'Fluffo'?

What I'm really upset is how bad their going to screw up the dub actors , like Shou (I mean _Chazz_). I think he's going to sound like a complete girly man. Which is a shame. He's kinda cute…and god know's how horrible, um…Chumly's gonna turn out.

Maybe…since Ryo _has _bad eyesight, he got contact lenses that turn his eyes brown instead of red! I'm kidding. Ryo's not albino. I don't think Seto's a nihilist (which actually makes since, because if he believes that he doesn't really exist, he'd be right, since he's a fictional character), and Joey's not a (complete) idiot.

Sorry about the exploding fanfic. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!

ShadowFire2

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Throws 'The Wizard of Cuz' plushies at her) May you're days be filled with ice cream of your particular favorite flavor, may red dogs avoid your path, and may people who are mean and nasty to you find rabid animals in their gym clothes twice daily.

I'd like to be an announcer person too. As for who babysits…oh the horror…please enjoy this chappie!

Serenity-Yugioh-fan05

Aw…it's okay, I'll start another one.

DARN THAT WRITERS BLOCK! Hope it get's better! Oh, and enjoy this chapter too!

Gothangelmyu

Sorry about the computer.

The thought of Pegasus vs Seto in DDR is a very hard mental picture to conjure up. Why did you think I didn't write that scene?

Boy, has everyone seen Seto in bunny ears? Odd, very odd. I think after everything Ms. Fuzzy-Kins goes through to make sure Seto does the right thing, she need to just sit down and let it all out.

I toyed with the idea of Seto being forced into girls clothing, but I thought that it would ultimately be the death of him. His skin would turn to ashes or something like that ("PINK! IT BURNS!").

Thank you for reviewing! It's good to see you back, I was worried! Enjoy!

Princess Mika of the Shadows, Yami, Marik, and Natzo

Ah yes. Somehow, someway, I wanted cross dressing in this story, AND I GOT MY WISH! WEEE!

Poor Yami…(sends more bandaides).

Anyway, it seems that we really need to stop this curse. BUT HOW? Maybe we can all storm into the 4Kids headquarters, demand they dub Yu-Gi-Oh better, and the curse will be lifted!

Split level shipping…FUNNY!

Aw…you guys are so sweet! Thanks Yami! And thanks Marik…I think…I should really get Sims. Then I can make kind of a city filled with the characters of 'The Wizard of Cuz' and destroy their lives! MUA HA! I have a sick mind.

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

YAY MOG! (Claps) Your mastery of the tourture of Seto-boochan and Alister-cuddle-koi rivals my own!

I don't know why, but the idea of Ryo tilting his head cutely amuses me. Scary.

Ah…Weevil Underwood! TRULY AND INSANE MAN! Tee hee, I like the nickname 'Lovebug' too. Boy, it's a good thing you support Tea…or the evil dubber box would unleash it's ultimate dark magic…

Anyway, THANK YOU TONZIES FOR THE INSANE REVIEW! ( Emails thank you chocolates) YOU ROCK!

Tristan'soneandonlyfangirl

Those are probably my two favorite lines as well. Hee hee, but I also like Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's 'We meet again, and this time, the advantage is mine!' Oh, and Seto's line about how much he liked Joey and Ryo actually came from my Dad. He'd kill me if he knew I warped it into what Seto would say…

Thanks you for the review! Enjoy this torture, um, I mean chapter!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

May I have a copy? Please?

Actually, I got the idea for that song, because once in Drama Club last year, my two friends Aii-Chan (WHITE FOX PLUSHIE OF SCARY DOOM!) and Nil-Chan brought a DDR CD, and they plugged it into the stage stereo system and were dancing around, and another friend, Yousei-san, was like 'I like this song, but my favorite is Sandstorm', and since I was currently writing this story with the end in mind, I was like 'okay'.

I dunno. Maybe I'd like to hear it. Me and my little brother once heard a song called 'When Hamsters Attack', but we re-did it and made it a tribute to Alister, his favorite character, and turned it into 'When Girly Men Attack'.

Anyway, I must be boring you with my rants! Hope you enjoy going back to school with your stuff! And enjoy this chappie too!

Cute lil Yami

YAY! HI! (Waves as both arms snap off). Huh, now I'll have to type with my tongue…

Yay for Ryo indeed! (Hugs Ryo Plushie for gazillionth time). DDR Monks actually came from an idea from a horrible edition of 'Shirt Guy Dom' Megatokyo comic, and I forgot to mention it last chapter. I'M SORRY! o-.-o But everything else was mine. Really.

YOU ARE SO NICE THANK YOU! (Hugs and gives pie) I hope you like this chapter too!

Onto the craziness!

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**

If I Only Had Seta's Revenge

"WOOT! THAT WAS SO COOL!" said Joey, who was bouncing up and down on the couch in Mai's apartment, where they were having a small get-together to celebrate Serenity's victory in round one. "I'M GONNA POUR GRAPE JUICE DOWN MY PANTS!"

"Give me that Joey," said Serenity, taking the glass of grape juice out of his hand. "Thanks for all of this you guys! Now all I have to do is win one more round, and we're done!"

"TRAINING TIME!" said Ryo, who held out a motor engine and two jumper cables, which were sparking unpleasantly by being attached to it.

"Uh…I think I'll pass tonight Ryo, there's not enough time," said Serenity.

"Which reminds me, we need to get you made over again by tomorrow," said Mai.

"WHAT? Again?" asked Serenity.

"Hello?" said Mai. "You've been running around all day, no doubt sweating like heck from all that adrenaline. We gotta make sure your in tip-top shape for tomorrow, because there's no doubt Pegasus is going to bring his A-game."

"Mai…" said Serenity, "isn't this kind of overkill?"

"As for you three," said Mai, indicating the clueless trio, "don't get any ideas, I've hired babysitters for the both of you."

"WE'RE NOT SIX!" yelled Seto.

"You're not sane either, so you're just going to have to deal," said Mai. "They should be arriving in a little bit, so just chill."

"A _babysitter_. What's next?" said Seto sarcastically(oh no! More alliteration!), sinking smuggly(NO! EVEN MORE!) into a couch.

"Don't worry Tooth Fairy," said Joey nobly. "I'll find someone to save us! I'm gonna look up 'person who can save other people from being babysat' in the phone book!"

"Don't bother Joey, I'd rather nail my own legs to the nearest four way intersection and ask someone to run me over," said Seto.

"Oh come on!" said Ryo. "This could be fun! I bet we'll have the kindest, nicest baby sitter in the world, who will give us cookies and read us stories before bed."

The other two just stared at him.

"Really?" asked Joey hopefully. "I like cookies…"

"Mere words cannot describe my feelings," said Seto. "Destroying something, on the other hand, just may do the trick…"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, it's probably them," said Mai, getting up to answer the door. "You guys wait here."

"Look, I know this is tough for you guys, but I'll make up for this later, I promise," said Serenity.

"That would involve dragging me to a dark alley and beating me until I am either unconscious or dead," said Seto.

"I want ice cream!" said Joey.

"I'll take ice cream too!" said Ryo.

"Seto, since it's against my principals to drag full grown men into dark alleys and beat them until they cry…" said Serenity.

"…I'll take ice cream…" said Seto. "Sugarless."

"Whatever," said Serenity.

"Okay, the babysitters are here!" said Mai. "Joey, Ryo, Seto, meet Mobster and Spirit!"

Mobster looked hungrily at Ryo, while Spirit, Seto, each carrying a huge carpenter bag like Mary Popins carrying God-knows-what.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Ryo and Seto like little kids, while Joey stared stupidly at the two babysitters. They both threw themselves at Serenity's feet, begging for mercy from the horror of a British obsessed mob leader and an overly-perky Seto fanatic.

"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US?" screamed Seto.

"Please don't let them hurt uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus…" Ryo wimpered sadly.

"Guys, come on, show a little dignity…" said Serenity.

"I lost that thing a long time ago…" said Seto.

"When?" said Serenity.

---ooo---

"And so, as I set out to reclaim my life, my fortune, and my heart, I Seto Kaiba, promise that no matter what comes my way, I shall keep my pride, dignity, and self respect," said Seto in a kooky kind of flashback. "No matter how dangerous the challenge, or how humiliating the fight, I shall keep my head, my sanity, and find victory!"

"Hi! I'm Joey Wheeler!" said Joey, walking into the kinky flashback thing.

---ooo---

"Oh," said Serenity in realization.

"Aw come on, we just want to play…" said Spirit, as she and Mobster managed holding back on tackling them and squeezing them to death in vice-grip hugs of death.

"NO SERENITY PLEASE!" said Ryo and Seto.

"Oh come on, they're harmless," said Serenity, unknowing that Mobster and Spirt started unpacking several DVDs of 'Air' and 'Marmalade Boy'. The horrible thought of standing up all night watching romantic comedies while being endlessly huggled by twisted fan girls…was pure terror…and don't get me started on all of the taped copies of 'Eastenders' Mobster brought along with her…

"See ya…" said Mai, dragging Serenity out the door before she or anyone else could say another word, Ryo and Seto both looking like two puppies that watched as their owners walk away after dropping them off in the pound.

"Now, what should we all do first?" asked Mobster happily.

"Found one!" said Joey, looking in the phone book.

---ooo---

Meanwhile, far from the patheticness of the Clueless Trio (which is how I shall refer to them for the rest of the story), one of the most dangerous and manic people ever to roam the streets, with the killing instinct of a great white shark, the raw strength of a thousand tigers, the cunning of a pack of wolves, and the insanity of RYU BARABUS HIMSELF! Yes, the most horrible person, who STUPID has tried to hunt down time and time again, and failed in every mission, with it's partakers barely coming back alive. Yes, the horror, the terror, the sheer brutality off-

"YAY! _PEACH GIRL _VOLUME THREE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" said Seta, the most hated female character ever in this story, in her dreaded lair of softness, plush, and PINK! "This is so much fun! I feel like doing my nails!"

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!_

Her pink phone with purple flowers all over it by her purple, green, yellow, and pink bed rang cheerfully, as the dreaded physical manifesto of Seto's feminine side happily skipped to the phone, picking it up in one graceful movement.

"Hel-lo!" she said happily into the phone, flopping down on a bean bag chair next to it.

"Yes, can I have a large pepperoni pizza with olives please?" asked Joey.

"You and your friends are trapped in a house with two manic fan girls and unless I save you they'll tear you apart?" asked Seta in horror. "That's terrible!"

"And buffalo wings, medium," said Joey.

"You'll pay me massive amounts of money to free you?" said Seta. "Don't worry! I'm on my way!"

"Hey, do we get it free if it doesn't come in five minutes?" asked Joey, but the phone hung up.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Seta screamed at the top of her lungs, charging out the door. "BRAND NEW FRIENDS! BRAND NEW FRIENDS! BRAND NEW FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS!"

---ooo---

"So tell me again why you're tying us to these chairs?" asked Ryo, as the two manic fan girls were belting both him and Seto to the sofa (using really long belts).

"Safety reasons!" said Mobster, buckling Ryo down extra tight.

"Uh…yeah," said Spirit, pulling out her hand sewn 'I Love Seto' embroidered pillows from her carpenter bag, as well as several kind of lip gloss.

"Safe from what?" asked Seto angrily.

"Oh, it seems pretty worthless now, doesn't it?" said Mobster. "What if that couch just decided to buck and throw you off, huh? Have you ever been thrown off by a full-speed couch?"

"No, I find it to be a relatively rare phenomenon…" said Seto.

"He's so cute when he uses words I can't understand…" said Spirit dreamily.

"JOEY! HELP US!" screamed Ryo in fright, but unfortunately, Joey was busy indulging on junk food that the girls had provided to distract him in case he tried to help his friends. "I'M BEGGING YOU!"

"I like kitties…" Joey muttered to himself, stuffing his face with Doritos.

"It's no use Ryo," said Seto grimly. "This is how our sanity ends…here…with two maniacs…and the Mutt doing nothing to defend our honor…"

"_Our _sanity?" asked Ryo, giving him a look. ( _A/N: HA HA HA HA HA HA)_

---ooo---

"TWEET TWEET BIRDIES!" screamed Seta, as she skipped down the sidewalks of Rhinestone City to get to the address she guessed where our mismatched heroes would be, not aware that down an alley, a few desperate agents from stupid (Supplementary Tactical Unraveling and Persecution of Insane Delinquents), all had their eyes on her.

"There she is men," said one of the agents. "FIRE!"

"Oh, look, a pencil!" said Seta, bending down at the exact moment they fired, causing a tranquilized dart to fly right over her head. "AND IT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR TOO! This must be my lucky day!"

"I'M GOING IN!" said a younger member of the agent team.

"NO SCOTTY! DON'T DO IT!" said one of the team, but it was too late. The young agent ran out of the alley right at Seta, with a tranqulizer gun ready to take her down.

"LUCKY DAY!" screamed Seta, whirling around and stabbing the young agent in the arm with the pencil, nearly to the bone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Scotty in pain, grasping his wound in pain, sinking to the ground in pain. "She stabbed me!"

"I did?" asked Seta, looking confused for a moment, still grasping the bloody pencil in her hand. "No, can't be-"

"FIRE!" screamed another member of the team again. The dart fired, but it missed Seta and hit…Scotty.

"OW!" said Scotty in pain, the dart burying itself in his derriere. "YOU IDIOTS! YOU MISSED! HOW COULD YOU POSSILBY MISS A SIX FOOT FIVE, BUG EYED PINK THING? YOU LOAD OF…whoa, I feel really dizzy…"

Uh oh.

"Alright, hang on," said Scotty, wobbling into a standing position, "wow, everything's all swirly, hang on, I've just got to-OWW!"

He ran into a stop sign.

"Oh, it's no use!" he sobbed, sinking to the ground. "It's no use! I try, and I try, and I always screw up on these missions! There's no way I could ever have the talent to ever become a master agents! I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN! MOM! I'M SORRY YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THAT PAIN AND MISERY OF GIVING BIRTH TO ME, AND RAISING ME, AND HAVING ME TURN OUT TO BE THIS WAY…but, but that's not so bad right?"

He suddenly shot to his feet.

"In fact, we practically got her, haven't we?" he said excitedly. "This is great! She standing there all confused, so someone can just nip over there and put her in a net! Let's celebrate! Let's all ride magical pink ponies and sing songs!"

"Yeah!" said Seta cheerfully.

"Let's dance, and play Candyland, and have a sleepover, and-"

Scotty spun around three times.

"CRANBERRY!" he screamed, and suddenly passed out.

Silence.

"Hey, do any of you gentlemen know where Rompeg is?" asked Seta.

"Oh, down and the second street to your left," said one of the agents.

"THANKS!" Seta said, skipping off.

---ooo---

The situation was grim for our heroes. While Joey was happily snacking on junk food, completely ignoring Seto and Ryo's screams of despair, the other two were forced to sit through a particularly sad bit on the TV, and as a result…were being hugged…

"AAAAAAAH! COOTIES! COOTIES!" screamed Seto, as Spirit was hugging him, desperately trying to struggle out of the restraints to no avail.

"She's…cracking…my…collar…bone," said Ryo, who was also being hugged, but by Mobster.

Truly both of our heroes seemed doomed to suffer all of this torture and torment. What could they do? There seemed like no way out…or was there?

"TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed a voice, as a humongous section of the roof caved in, thankfully not on any of the characters, and there, unthankfully, over the hole, was an extremely happy Seta, waving wildly to everyone inside.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ryo screamed in horror.

"Oh…my…God…" said Seto, his eyes bugged out.

"DON'T WORRY NEW BEST FRIENDS!" screamed Seta heroically. "I'LL SAVE YOU!"

With that, she flew to the floor like a juggernaut, karate chopped the couch in half, snapping the belt around Seto and Ryo, grabbing them both in one arm, grabbed Joey in the other, and carrying three times her own weight, sprang out through the hole in the roof and made a speedy getaway.

"CRUD! She's fast!" said Mobster.

"We can't let them get away!" said Spirit. "We won't get paid!"

"Your right!" said Mobster, starting to climb up on the broken furniture to get to the hole in the roof. "DON'T WORRY BRITISH PERSON! I'M COMING!"

"ME TOO!" said Spirit, but since she was on the same level of insanity as Seta is, she was able to easily spring onto the roof, chasing after the manic weird, with Mobster right behind her.

---ooo---

"JOEY, WHO IS THIS PERSON!" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs as he was being carried with the other two by Seta.

"CANTALOPES!" screamed Joey.

"THAT MAKES NO SENCE!" screamed Ryo.

"Hi new best friends!" said Seta cheerfully. "I'm Seta! What are your names?"

"JOEY, THE TOOTH FAIRY, AND RYO!" Joey screamed happily.

"GET BACK HERE WITH OUR BABYSITTEES!" screamed Mobster, chasing after Seta and the others, as they all hoped across the rooftops, which was pretty dangerous in that, considering one miss and they all could be free falling down at least one hundred fifty feet.

"Oh no! Not new best friends!" said Seta in horror. "THIS IS TERRIBLE!"

With that, she slammed the breaks on her feet, grabbed Joey, and slammed him down one of the building roofs, causing him to spiral down an unknown skyscraper.

"TOUCHDOWN!" said Seta happily, turning to the other two in her arms. "Now for you two!"

"NO! DON'T!" screamed both Seto and Ryo, but Seto was slammed down a different building, and after a mighty leap, so was Ryo.

"ALRIGHT MEANIES!" said Seta, turning to Mobster and Spirit, who were charging toward her. "COME AND GET ME!"

---ooo---

"Wow, this is a really cute T-Shirt!" said Serenity, holding a pink and powder blue striped one with a v-neck up.

"Yeah…but don't you think it's too plain?" asked Mai.

"Maybe we could accessories with it!" said Serenity. "I'm more of the 'classic' style type…"

"Why do I have this dark feeling that your idiotic friends are doing something stupid?" asked Mai.

"Come on Mai! I'm sure they're not doing anything terrible!" said Serenity. "I'm not even _that _paranoid!"

CRASH!

"HEYMAIHEYSERENITY!"

CRASH!

For a split second, Joey crashed through the ceiling of the store Serenity and Mai were in, and then crashed into the floor to the next level down. Both girls looked at the hole in the floor in absolute silence.

"I think we better head back to the hotel…after we find Joey," said Mai.

"Me too!" said Serenity, as they both rushed to an escalator that led to the next level down.

---ooo---

"Luckily I landed on this nice, soft state senator!" said Ryo happily, who had landed on a random state senator when he fell through the skyscraper. "Thank you sir!"

"Mt mffin mt," said the senator.

"Better go find the others," said Ryo, walking out of the huge glass doors of the skyscraper, heading to the right, hopping to find Seto in the one next door. It turned out to be a hotel complex, and Ryo walked into it, onto the soft red rugs, up to the man behind the check in counter.

"Hello, and welcome to Hotel Anthrax!" said the check in lady. "May I get you a room sir?"

"Uh, well actually, I'm looking for a man who crashed through your roof. You wouldn't happen to have seen him, would you?" asked Ryo.

"Well, it's Labor Day, so a lot of people have been crashing through the roof," said the lady. "May I have his description?"

"Tall, skinny, blue eyes, running around in a trench coat-" rattled of Ryo.

"Sarcastic beyond all human comprehension?" asked the check in lady.

"Yes, that's him!" said Ryo.

"Oh, he's right over there," said the check in lady, and there stood Seto, staring blankly into space in the lobby, looking like some kind of living statue.

"Seto! Thank goodness!" said Ryo, rushing up to him. "Listen, I think that Joey's been dropped down through a roof not far from here, but I think that if that weird girl who looks like you comes back, we could split up and…uh, Seto?"

Seto continued to stare blankly into space.

"Uh, hello?" asked Ryo, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. He tried snapping his fingers next to his ear. Nothing.

"Uh…what happened to you…" Ryo asked pointlessly.

"Excuse me, do you know this stick figure?" asked a police officer to Ryo.

"Yes, yes I do," said Ryo. "Why is he acting like…like…"

"Ah yes," said the police officer, pulling out a pad of paper. "You see, your friend here fits the description of Seta, a class-A weirdo running around lately. Not only does this person fit the description, but when said person put up a fight, I took the liberty of removing his brain."

"Can you do that?" asked Ryo, looking at a gapping Seto.

"Oh yeah, with the proper warrant," said the police officer.

"May I see?" asked Ryo, as the police officer pulled out a brain in a pickle jar. "NO! The warrant! The warrant!"

"Oh, sorry," said the police officer, pulling out a warrant and handing it to Ryo, who carfully read it over. "Now, we're just going to run some tests on this brain, and if everything checks out, we'll have it at the police station, and you can just nip over and take it back. Fair?"

"Hm…looks legit," said Ryo, handing back the warrant, and slinging Seto's weightless body over his back. "Come on Seto."

---ooo---

"Hello everyone!" said ASV happily, walking into the apartment with Double S. "The door was open, so we let ourselves in! We brought some ice cream as a victory treat for you guys! How is…everybody…"

He and Double S were shocked to find the apartment in ruins, chairs toppled, DVD playing, the couch chopped in half, and a huge hole in the roof.

"Oh no!" said Double S in horror, looking at all the destruction. "What on Earth happened?"

"I don't know, but something tells me that the Serenity and the others are in trouble!" said ASV in horror. "And I have a strange feeling it has to do with the hole in the roof!"

"Well it _is _Labor Day," said Double S.

"Still and all," said ASV. "We better investigate!"

"Can we start with this fuzzy, pink business card that said 'Seta Wuz Here'?" asked Double S.

"Oh no…not Seta…" said ASV. "If she found the guys…oh, I don't want to think about it…"

"She doesn't seem that awful," said Double S, looking at the fuzzy business card.

"Double S, she's clinically insane, has a 'friendship' problem, and is prone to stabbing people and having no recollection of it!" said ASV. "This is terrible! We have to do something, and quick!"

---ooo---

"Whoa…kinda dizzy…" said Joey, walking around aimlessly in the mall, bumping into several people as he passed. He hasn't acted this tipsy since he drank an entire cabinet's worth of bathroom cleaning products. Anyway, he was aimlessly wandering through the store, doing his usual stupid thing. However, (insert epic kind of music here) fate had cast another card into Joey's somewhat pointless life, for he was the chosen someone to inherit the great legacy of the most ancient and mystical artifacts known to man, THE EGGPLANT OF THE BRAWN!

Yes, the Eggplant of the Brawn, which grants courage, charisma, and great power to any man who higher powers find worthy of its power. The Eggplant of the Brawn was held by many great people throughout history, the conqueror Charlemagne, Elizabeth I, George Washington, Arnoled Shmitnick, who lives on a small drive in Surry, so many great names…and it was now going to passed down to a complete fool.

"OW!" said Joey, banging into a vegetable stand in the middle of the mall, which had an old lady as the salesperson. She looked more like a witch, with a crooked figure, yellow, crooked teeth, and one eye that was constantly twitching.

"Hello young man," said the old lady. "Would you be interested in a common vegetable of your choice?"

"SWEET!" said Joey, looking at all the vegetables in various boxes owned by the elderly lady. His dark but incredibly vacant brown eyes scanned over all matters of vegetables in the cart, passed the cucumbers and the lettuce and the tomatoes-

"TOMATOES ARE FRUITS, NOT VEGETABLES!" someone screamed right next to the cart, but he got dragged away by the 'Literary Impossibility Police'.

"HOLY CRUD!" said Joey, pointing to one eggplant in the cart. "THAT EGGPLANT'S GLOWING!"

"Arg, that be a special eggplant, the Eggplant of the Brawn…" said the elderly old lady. "Normally I don't give away mystical artifacts to idiots who just happen to bump into my cart, but since I hate you, I'll let you have it for…one worthless piece of metal."

"MAKE IT TEN!" screamed Joey.

"Whatever," said the old woman, handing Joey the eggplant, as Joey handed over ten pieces of worthless metal.

"THANK YOU OLD HAG!" said Joey, but the second he did, he felt his body being pumped with courage, charisma, ambition, power, and everything he needed to bring the world to an age of peace, prosperity, and justice. However, the one thing it forgot to give him was intelligence.

"PONIES ROCK!" screamed Joey.

"There you are Joey!" said Serenity, running over to him with Mai, carrying a few small bags. "Why the heck did you crash through the ceiling?"

"Uuuuuuuuh…" Joey said stupidly.

"Never mind, let's just go find the other two," said Serenity.

---ooo---

"Dude, we really should have our own story," said Mobster, sitting on the roof with Spirit and Seta. "We have everything. Talent…wit…appeal…"

"Hey! The scene just switched back to us!" said Seta.

"Oh, right," said Mobster, standing up with Spirit, as did Seta. "ALRIGHT! For flooring our future husbands-_kids we're babysitting_, causing them possible trauma, pain, and nasty boo-boos, I sentence you to the worst butt whooping we can dish out!"

"**MY** BEST FRIENDS!" screamed Seta, pulling out a pink chainsaw with little yellow flowers all over it.

"Stop it! STOP IT ALL OF YOU!" screamed Double S, of whom he and ASV had just managed to make it in time. "Why do we have to all be so violent? Why can't we all just get along?"

"Yeah, plus update day's on the clock, and we're running out of time," said ASV. "This is getting way out of hand, so as a member of the Agency of Conciences, Guiding Voices, and Miracle Workers (_cough _in training _cough_), I'm afraid I'm going to have…to put…why are you looking at us like that…"

"Small British Person…" Mobster drooled.

"Chibi Seto…" Spirit drooled.

"New best friends…" Seta drooled.

"Can we run now?" asked Double S to ASV.

"Yeah, we probably should…" said ASV, as he and his companion ran away screaming at the top of their lungs as they were chased by the three over the rooftops.

---ooo---

"They _WHAT_?" asked Serenity, looking at a blank-looking Seto.

"Removed his brain," said Ryo. "They had a warrant."

"Well, at least we all managed to get back together," said Mai, as all five sat down exhausted in the apartment on things that weren't destroyed by Seta's appearance, except for Seto, who was just standing there blankly. "Boy, where the heck are those babysitters? I'm going to give them a piece of my mind when they come back! Someone's going to pay for this whole in the ceiling, and it ain't going to be-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed ASV and Double S at the top of their lungs, hopping through the hole in the roof, past the wreckage, and out the door.

"WAIT! BRITISH PERSON! COME BACK!" screamed Mobster, chasing after them.

"SEEEEETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Spirit, following them as well.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Seta, chasing after them too. All the others just stared at the door where they all ran out, completely awestruck.

"On the bright side, they didn't come to get paid…" said Mai.

---ooo---

"Hello, and welcome to Day Two of the Three Day DDR tournament!" said Johney Roma, who was back in the commentary box. "I am _NOT _a mob leader, and we once again have a beautiful day for the tournament! This tournament was sponsored by Food. Food, it's what the cool people are eating!"

"And I'm here too!" said Mobster, who was in the chair next to him.

"Which negates many people's belief in a merciful God," said Johney. "Anyway, back to the tournament. While there's no clear way to tell who's going to win today, we took a recent entry poll for people's thoughts, and we have a one hundred percent result for 'It's none of your business you nosy, bug eyed creep. Go die'."

"That's what I voted for," said Mobster. "Anyway, for a field report, here's Yugi Motou, the Wicked, Oppressive Dictator of Munchkinland!"

"Thank's Mobster!" said Yugi, who was next to the DDR platform. "Today is going to be a major turning point in the game folks! If Serenity wins, she will win the tournament! If Pegasus wins, then tomorrow will be the tensest game in DDR history! The attendance count for today's game has _doubled _from what it was yesterday, and today's bets are now Serenity 350-1, a 150 point drop, and Pegasus still 2-1. Pegasus hasn't commented on the tournament so far, but let's talk to one of Serenity's associates!"

"I'm glad you got your brain back Tooth Fairy!" Joey said cheerfully to Seto.

"Shut up Mutt," said Seto.

"He'll work!" said Yugi, walking right up to Seto. "Mr. Kaiba, it has been rumored that you are a heartless jerk with no respect for anyone whatsoever who would probably pound me to a pulp if I wasn't on television. Would you like to comment at all on the game?"

"Go away," said Seto darkly.

"Are you sure?" Yugi asked brightly.

"_Go away_," Seto said in an angrier tone.

"Who do you think's going to win?" asked Yugi.

"It's none of your business you nosy, bug eyed creep. Go die," said Seto, walking away.

"There's another one!" Yugi said cheerfully.

"Indeed…" said Johney, back in the commentary box.

"Well, the game is just about to start! But before we get to deep into that," she held up a blurry picture of Double S, "I am offering fifty dollars for any information on the whereabouts of this British Person. If you have any information, please call the number on your screen!"

"Oh no, she's onto me…" said Double S in the stands behind Serenity.

"Did she say fifty dollars?" asked ASV.

"Must get winny thoughts into my head…" said Serenity, this time wearing a pair of denim shorts and a three quarter sleeved 'upside down' shirt. "If I win this, I never have to suffer another weird chapter again. It can be all over…"

"GO SERENITY!" said Ryo, right in her ear, which freaked her out.

"YAY SERENITY!" said Joey, jumping onto the DDR platform with a pair of pom-poms, leaping and screaming chants of the stupid sort to cheer Serenity on. A nasty side effect of the Eggplant of the Brawn? Joey just being an idiot? Or something more sinister? I vote for the second…

"It appears they've brought out the cheerleaders," said Mobster, observing Joey's behavior.

"Cheerlead_er_," said Johney Roma. "And it looks like the second string…"

"Get down here Mutt," said Seto, grabbing his arm and pulling him so violently that he landed flat on his face.

"WOW! It hurts down here!" said Joey.

"I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did…" said Serenity, as she started to climb back on the DDR platform, not tripping on the stairs this time, which is always a good sign.

"May the best…person win," said Serenity to Pegasus, who was also on the DDR platform.

"To you too," said Pegasus, as they both got on their platform, and Serenity got strapped into the harness thing again. The screen lit up, and 'Smoke on the Water' started to play. Game two had begun.

"Nice start for both of them!" said Mobster. "And boy, do those two look like they brought their A-game today! I tell you, you can almost feel like they both are giving it there all-OH! Fantastic combo by Pegasus!"

"I'll say," said Johney Roma. "I suppose it's only-nice save for Serenity!-only natural. Pegasus is giving it his all because he knows if he doesn't win this one, he'll lose the tournament. Serenity's-SHE STUCK IT!-she's fighting because she knows that if she wins this one, she'll win it all!"

Serenity was doing her hardest to make sure she hit every arrow. One miss meant certain loss, considering that Pegasus was making sure that he hit every one as well. Left, right, down, right, up, left, right, up, down, left, down, right, over and over again in unseen patterns and layers.

Pegasus _was _working his hardest (I can't help getting scary mental pictures with the thought of Peggy on DDR). He underestimated Serenity once, and it cost him the round. Now he was flooring every arrow with as much veteran ability he could muster. But Serenity's charisma could prove to be a major kink in his plan, especially if she pulled such a fantastic move in the bonus round again.

Serenity was nailing everything with absolute grace born from confidence that she was going to be the winner. When someone has the little voice at the back of their head screaming 'I'm winning! I'm winning!', nothing can go wrong.

Oh so she thought.

It was perfect. The green 'bonus' light flashed overhead, and Serenity grabbed her harness, ready to perform a jump for the side wall once she saw a combo light up on the screen. And at last, she saw one. She grabbed the harness, flipped around-

-but in midair, she froze.

She had a look upon her face of unpleasant surprise, as if she just saw something terrible. Then, before anyone could wonder what on Earth happened, she slowly tilted backward, spiraling clumsily, almost awkwardly, to the ground, rolling down, nearly to the edge of the platform, stopping right at the end of the bar.

She didn't get up.

---ooo---

**SCORES**

Pegasus: 497

Serenity:163

Round Two Winner: Pegasus

---ooo---

NOT ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Anyway, in today's character rant, we're going to do something a little different. We're going to look at the 'Saving Graces' of the story. No matter how bad a chapter is, when these characters appear in it, somehow, everything ends up okay. Yep, it's The Dream Tweens! MUA HA! They're powers of annoyance and trouble causing have scared many a nation in my early fan fics, and now, their back to make waves again!

_Mobster_

It's kind of ironic that Mobster comes first in this, because in Dream Tween terms, she comes last alphabetically, first in the story, last in the popularity contest, and first in my heart. I have no idea what I just said. I don't really blame her for being beat by the two boys though. Her competition was Chibi Seto and Chibi Ryo.

Anyway, I always wanted to bring her somehow, someway into the story, realizing the challenge of getting people hooked on her. The original Mobster character was not only the only Dream Tween to keep her actual name, but also, she's extremely hyper, funny, and she goes out of her way to make Seto's life miserable (I still see hints of that every now and then). But when I created the character Johney Roma after my Dad, for some reason, I wanted to model her new personality after my Mom. Why? I don't know. I must have been sugar high.

I really like the original Mobster, because she kind of reminds me of when I was a kid (way too much energy, loves to get into trouble, made the kitchen explode that one time), but I like the Mobster in this story too, because she reminds me of my Mom. The original Mobster isn't British obsessed though (thankfully). She's her own branch of weird, and that's why I like her (Ha ha!).

_ASV_

What a kid, what a kid, what a kid.

Anyway, let's get started. ASV is one that _really _made a splash when he showed up. It seemed like every review I got was 'we luv you ASV!' 'Go ASV!' you get the idea. I'm sure he has a fan club somewhere. But really, I can't blame them. He's the perfect balance of cute and a naturally funny personality. He's the smartest of the trio, and while he's not as smart as Seto, I like to think that he has a little more basic common sense (it seems like Seto's got _less _wisdom with age instead of more. Weird).

Anyway, his original name is Double G, like I mentioned. I think the biggest difference in his personality differences between ASV and his original form is that Double G has more of a trust problem (who can blame him?), and he's not a keen on Double S as he is in the story. In fact, when the original Double S showed up, he didn't like him at all.

Hee hee (hugs ASV plushie) I wuv you too!

_Double S_

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw KAWAII! SO CUTE! (hugs insanely)

Double S is cutsie. No avoiding it. And ultimately, as I've mentioned earlier, his personality, I think, I've nailed the best. So I am proud! Sort of. It's kind of sad that no one got a chance to ever see a Chibi Ryo in the Anime. It would make mental image creating a lot easier for some of the readers. It took me a long time drawing him before I ultimately made 'the' Double S. He's got hair a little sorter than Ryo's just barely to his shoulders, he loves to wear a really long dress shirt, soft blue pants, and white sneakers. He dresses school casual, kind of like ASV now that I think about it.

Double S's original name was Ghost Boy. I didn't think I was going to bring him into the story at all, so I gave Ryo the super hero name 'Ghost Boy' (this was back in the days when I didn't know how to think up good names for my characters. Ghost Boy does sound weird, doesn't it?). I think there's something special between the original character and the original Mobster (not romance) because his shy personality responds with great respect to Mobster's outward personality, and Mobster has a respectful feeling to his sensibility. But like I said, he and ASV's original had a strained relationship for a looooong time, nearly a whole book.

I'm so glad I brought him into the story. I know kind of wish I brought him in earlier so everyone could get to know him a little better. Oh well…

**PREMIERE:** The worst has happened; Serenity has lost round two! Now, with the most difficult and dangerous DDR game coming up, Serenity needs to make a fast recovery, and the others have to figure out what happened fast! So Seto and Ryo go on a desperate mission into Pegasus's inner sanctum to find some answers to the mystery at hand! Will Serenity win the DDR Tournament? Is and was there foul play involved in the game? Will Joey's mystical piece of produce actually _save_ the day? No way, it can't be…find out in heart-stopping, second-to-last-episode of 'The Wizard of Cuz!'

Good night, da-da-da da! Sleep tigh, da-da-da da! And pleasant dreeeeeams to you…


	35. If I Only Had Trench and Fauntleroy Faux

Oh Mirror! Oh Mirror! Mr. Mirror…

Hey everyone! How late is this chapter, huh? Anyway, as to any question of why I vanished off the face of the Earth for a couple of days, it turned out that one day, our computer decided it hated us, so we had to take it to Best Buy to get it fixed, and it doesn't help that this chapter is supposed to be a million pages long. Also, due to circumstances beyond my control, the last chapter will be posted on Saturday or Sunday this week instead of Friday. FORGIVE ME!

REVIEW TIME!

LoneFlyinTigers

Hi! I'm kind of hyper myself. I had to eat a lot of sugar this morning to finish up this chapter…

Anyway! Seto and Ryo are kind of babysited the hard way, weren't they? Serenity did lose by a lot, didn't she? I guess that what happens when you fall over in the middle of the match…

I'M SORRY! This _is_ the second to last! But it's super long, so I hope it makes up for it! Um…ENJOY!

ShadowFire2

As if I know! I think they're both clinically insane…

Enjoy this chapter!

Bilbo-Sama

Thank you again for putting up with all my silly questions, as well as my screaming GX-based stupidity. Can't…keep…dub names…straight…I OWE YOU! Okay, how much money do I have…

Fubuki seems very scary…

I wanna go to Hawaii…Uh, I mean, thank you so much for the review! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

Funky Egyptian

Poor Scotty…

Today, the secret of why Serenity lost! Oh, and a few other things. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW! Enjoy this chappie!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

Seta is doomed to show up again in the next fic I'm going to write called 'There's Something About Marik'. As is ASV. I'm trying to work Mobster in.

Oh great, now Seta is running around screaming 'Yu-Jyo' and 'Tomadachi' to everyone she sees, and this is the second time today I had to pull Mobster off of Daniel Radcliff.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU'LL WRITE MAYBE SOON! Thank you for the review, and enjoy this chappie please!

Keruha Digifox

Cool penname! And I'm glad you and your friends like this fanfic so much! Sniff…it makes me very happy.

No, I do that with stories all the time. Mostly because I am often to preoccupied, or lacking a long enough attention span, to review at times. I hope you enjoy this chappie, as well as the rest of the story!

Princess Mika of the Shadows, Yami, Marik, Ryo, and Kyo

Kyo really has issues, doesn't he?

Peggy dancing is a scary thing. And thank you again for being on my side Yami. Rotten rip-off Pegasus. He really needs a life.

Ah, the evil cliffy will be solved! Don't worry! Marik, please keep out of trees. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Getting up at 5 AM any day is a scary thing for anyone. Seta and the agents was one of my favorite parts to write actually.

I actually like Smoke on the Water a lot too. No, I've never seen Noir before. Is it good? Maybe I will.

Pink Dinosaur…I'd like to hear that.

Anyway, thank you for the review, and so early in the morning! I hope you enjoy the second-to-last-chappie!

Gothangelmyu

SETA ROCKS! Sorry, I love the characters that I use to cause pain…

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it when Seto got his brain removed. I see Seto drooling in my minds eye as well, as well as maybe moaning 'guuuuuuuuuuuuuh' or something like that. I think it would have been funnier if Joey found Seto first, and became best friends with his brainless body or something…

Anyway, thank you for the kind review! Enjoy this chappie as well!

Amarie Mariel

HOORAY! TRISTAN'SONEANDONLYFANGIRL GOT A PENAME! (Cheers)

Of course Seto eats sugarless! He's so boring, he's the kind of person who eats his toast with nothing on it! He probably is allergic to fun…

Maybe I should write a fic about a bunch of fangirls babysitting the Yu-Gi-Oh cast. It sure would be a hoot…

Anyway, thanks for the review! Aw…I'll be upset when this story ends too. I hope you like the chappie.

Lefthandedfreak and Josh the Figment Man

Hi guys!

Anyway, that's why you should ask the camera man, 'do you know how to operate a camera?'. Hee hee, anyway, I'm still very flattered by the idea that you've put so much work into it!

It's strange, but I don't feel that weirded out by Joey in woman's clothing either. Curious…and you're probably right about the curse.

I can't believe Seto doesn't have anit-virus/brain stealing programming! What's with him? He must be a loony…

Seta, truly the deadliest of all girly-girl female characters! That happens when you're clinically insane…ANYWAY! Have fun being babysited JFM! And I hope both of you love the chappie!

Serenity-yugioh-fan05

THANK YOU!

Fuzzy Bunny

Pouring grapejuice down people's pants…both funny and scary…

I agree. I think while everyone deep down wants to kick Seto, I think deep down, everyone likes to do something nice to him once in a while…then kick him again. Yes, we are truly all Seto fan-girls.

I'm not surprised why I got the question whether or not Seta was the daughter of Tea and Seto…

Actually, YES! I do plan to do a new story! It's called 'There's Something About Marik' and it's going to be just as crazy as this story! I hope you read it!

Thank you for the review! Enjoy the chappie!

Catipult Turtle

Asuka was actually a big inspiration when it came to Seta, and I actually want to include her in the cast of my next fic because I like her so much.

What a coincidence! That was how it was going to end! Don't worry, I fixed it at the last moment for you. KIDDING! I hope you enjoy the rest of this story, and thanks for plowing through this, even coming into it late.

Pointe master

BEHOLD! An update! Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. Believe me, they mean a lot to me!

Onto the Craziness!

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE**

If I Only Had Trenchy and Sir Fountleroy Fauxchiliron III

"Ow…my head hurts so much…" said Serenity, slowly opening up her eyes in bed, while her vision slowly cleared up. However, when she did, the first person she saw was-

"MOM!" Serenity cried in shock, as her mom stood at the end of Serenity's bed, in Serenity's room, in Serenity's plane of reality. "Oh Mom! Thank God! I had the weirdest dream on the planet! I was in this freaky dimension, and I got landed with these Ruby Platform Straps, and I was running around with a brainless loony, a heartless freak, and a cowardly not-quite-albino person! And…and…"

"Um actually, that wasn't a dream," said Serenity's Mom.

"Whah?" asked Serenity.

"_This _is the dream, used to create a subconscious but heartbreakingly cruel irony," said Serenity's Mom. "You're still stuck in Cuz."

"Oh…fab…" said Serneity.

"Well, be seeing you," said Serenity's Mom, snapping her fingers.

---ooo---

"LEFT RIGHT UP LEFT-DOWN COMBO!" said Serenity, suddenly snapping awake to find that she was actually in Mai's apartment, sleeping in Mai's bed in Mai's room, shooting right up in bed.

"Serenity, calm down, the games over," said Mai, pushing right back down into the pillows. "You passed out and…Pegasus won round two."

"This is terrible…" said Serenity.

"OH MY GOD SHE'S DEAD!" screamed Joey, bursting through the door to Mai's room, running over to Serenity's bed, and sobbing heartbrokenly at the foot of it.

"You boob, she just passed out," said Mai.

"I COULDN'T SAVE HER!" screamed Joey. "SERENITY! WHEREVER YOU ARE! FORGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Joey…I'm okay…" said Serenity, but before she could say anything else, Mai grabbed by his shirt collar and the back of his pants and chucked him out of the bedroom with one swing.

"I figured it would be better if the guys didn't bug you tonight," said Mai.

"I can't remember what happened to me…" said Serenity, gripping her forehead. "It's all a huge void…does anyone know what happened?"

"Not as far as I can tell…" said Mai.

"Great…I just pass out in the middle of the game for no good reason at all…I bet the guys all hate me…" said Serenity.

---ooo---

"Poor Serenity!" said Ryo, sitting on the same couch as Seto. "Serenity got the crud beat out of her while trying to help us, and we couldn't do a single thing to help her! She must hate us!"

That's when Joey got thrown out of Mai's room.

"Any news?" asked Ryo to Joey, who was collapsed on the floor.

"CHEESE!" screamed Joey.

"Yep, just as I expected…" said Seto. "Something's not right. The exact same thing happened to me when I was facing Pegasus…this can't be a coincidence."

"Jeez, it's kind of obvious, isn't it?" said Joey to Seto. "What do I have to do, spell it out for you stupid Tooth Fairy?"

Silence.

"I'm going to trust that Joey had a lapse of unintelligence…" said Seto.

"My name's Joey!" Joey said.

"You had a DDR match against Pegasus?" said Ryo. "Oh! So that's how you landed in the hospital! Serenity could get really hurt next! We need to do something!"

"I HAVE A PLAN!" said Joey. "But you have to follow it exactly and do whatever I do!"

"That would make me a second generation Son of Sam, wouldn't it Mutt?" said Seto. "Nope, sorry, I've got a bone to pick with Pegasus, so I'm going to his castle alone to get to the bottom of this."

"I want to come too!" said Ryo.

"No, I don't take pansies or stupid mutts," said Seto.

"But what if he kicks your butt again?" asked Ryo.

"Ryo, if I couldn't stop my butt from being kicked, what, and I mean _what_, makes you think you can?" asked Seto.

The Jeopardy theme song played in the background as Ryo sat down and thought about it.

"Time's up," said Seto. "Sorry, looks like I'm going at this on my own."

"Oh here we go again with this silly 'lone wolf' tendency of yours," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who suddenly appeared on Seto's shoulder. "This is getting a little old this late in the story, don't you think?"

"WHAT IS IT NOW YOU STUPID PLUSHIE?" screamed Seto angrily, as Ryo and Joey both looked at Seto with the 'oh no, he's gone nuts again' look.

"Oh, just the usual, your sickening stubbornness, the fact that you want to do everything by yourself even if you get killed in the process, all that jazz," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "And don't shout, I'm not deaf, and your friends think you're insane. Just let them go, it's not like their hurting anything."

"Not…the stupid…Mutt…" said Seto.

"Fine, you can leave him behind, but at least take Ryo, he's a pretty helpful kid by and by," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Ryo, you can come as long as you shut up and not do anything, and you can't come at all Joey," said Seto sternly.

"WHO DIED AND MADE YOU KING OF THE PLANET YOU SOULESS FILTH OF A MAN?" asked Joey evilly.

"You can stay here and guard Serenity from trouble Joey!" said Ryo sweetly.

"Sweet!" said Joey, getting in a dramatic pose, one foot forward, eyes somehow looking sharp, one hand shading his eye dramatically, as if he was about to discover something really important, valuable, life changing, etc.

"Alright, before we get into anything dramatic, do you have anything black you can wear?" asked Seto to Ryo. "As if the white hair and pale skin wasn't enough…"

"Nope!" said Ryo cheerfully.

"Hooray, we're dead," said Seto, as Joey, still frozen, tipped over onto the floor.

---ooo---

"So do you think she won't be able to compete tomorrow?" asked General Fluffa-Pie to Pegasus, who was using a hair straightener on his hair, to make sure it was thin, grey, and shiny. "She went down pretty hard…"

"I agree, but as you know General Fluffa-Pie, I am not a man to take chances," said Pegasus, flipping through his latest issue of 'Cosmopolitan'. "So I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take a couple of your agents to finish the job…you know, in case things haven't worked out as planed…oh, and tell them not to be afraid to get rough, spin control will handle anything too messy."

"According to sources, the only person who will be guarding her tonight is Miss Mai and Joey the Monkey Boy," said General Fluffa-Pie. "What team do you suggest we use?"

"Nothing to severe," said Pegasus. "Just wait for Mai to leave the apartment for a short duration of time. The monkey won't be too tough a nut to crack after that, and I'm sure a girl sick in bed won't provide too drastic a threat either."

"Yes sir," said General Fluffa-Pie.

---ooo---

"For a castle, their security is pretty sad," said Seto, once again hidden on the outskirts of Pegasus's castle ground, watching through the bushes. "Those stupid bunnies probably think they've got everything won and are out partying somewhere. Those brainless little rodents…"

"You're not referring to Joey again are you?" asked Ryo.

"Okay, we can't use the bunny suit idea to sneak in again…we can't risk them expecting it," said Seto. "Do you have any ideas?"

"We could knock and ask politely to be let in!" Ryo said. "Everyone knows that if you ask politely, you shall receive!"

"And while we're up, we can ask them if we can borrow some sugar I suppose," said Seto darkly.

"Oh no! We're good on sugar!" said Ryo, holding up a small bag of sugar he always kept at his side in case there was some drastic need for a cake to be baked.

"I must check to see if Joey's died when I get back and if your channeling him," said Seto.

"Or we can just hop on the back of that carrot delivery truck that's heading straight for the gates," suggested Ryo, pointing to a huge truck with the label 'Carrot Delivery Truck and Possible Means of Sneaking Into the Castle of a Screaming Loony'.

"Okay, the label's a little much," said Seto. "But the next problem is how are we going to make the truck stop long enough for us to sneak on?"

"I've got it!" said Ryo. "Why don't we…ask it politely to stop?"

"Okay, how are we going to make the truck stop long enough for us to sneak on in a way that _isn't _stupid?" asked Seto.

"I wish Serenity was here so she could recite the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly," said Ryo sadly.

"Ryo, you idiot, you're a genius!" said Seto.

"What?" Ryo asked.

"We may not have the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly, but we do have something else," said Seto. "Something just as effective…"

"…AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WANT A TV EM-BRACE, AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I'M GETTING OFF YOUR BOILING PLACE," sung the truck driver to 'Cigarettes will Kill You' (which I don't own people) as he bumped down the road joyfully with his fat load of carrots. "I WISH I COULD SAY THAT EVERYONE WAS-hey! What's that stupid teenager in a trench coat doing in the middle of the road?" He put down the brake and honked the horn. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? YOU'LL GET YOURSELF-AAAAAAAAAAAACH!"

With that, he completely collapsed on the steering wheel.

"You death glared him, didn't you?" asked Ryo, covering his eyes, too scared to look.

"Yes, but I moderated the intensity of it so that he should only be knocked out for about five minutes," said Seto. "He'll probably just think he dosed off or something."

"My God, you're a scary person…" said Ryo.

---ooo---

"GUAR-DIN SER-EN-IH-TEE! GUAR-DIN SER-EN-IH-TEE! OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!" said Joey, who was backward and forward in front of the door to Serenity's room, composing a song thus called 'Guarding Serenity', which so far he had successfully created two lines for the song. Well, actually, it was more like one.

"Joey," said Mai, walking out of the room. "What—are—you--doing?"

"Guardin' Serenity!" Joey said in a sing-song voice.

"You do realize that this entire apartment is charmed to let no one enter, right?" asked Mai.

"Huh?" asked Joey.

"Never mind," said Mai. "I'm going to go to the store to pick up some dinner for us. I'll be right back, okay?"

"GUARDIN' SERENITY!" sung Joey.

"Good for you," said Mai, picking up her purse on the way to the door, shutting it behind her, understanding now where Seto was coming from. Alas, poor Mai didn't realize that as she walked away from the apartment to get something to eat, she was leaving Joey and Serenity in critical danger, for hidden outside behind a bunch of garbage cans was three of the Fuzzy Bunny Hoards most powerful hit men, and they watched hungrily as Mai walked out the door.

---ooo---

"Well, I don't know how that worked, but it did," said Seto, who was currently squeezed in a huge crate of carrots with Ryo. "Now all we need to do is wait for the bus to stop, then we can head to the core of this castle to find the secret of the DDR machines."

"And these carrots are absolutely delicious!" said Ryo, happily eating one. "So sweet, so crisp, and so juicy! I must know the supplier…"

Just then, with the screech of breaks straining to break the massive, carotene laden truck to a halt, the truck slowed until it eventually stopped, presumably in the unloading dock.

"Hey man, wanna leave the truck, letting any possible stowaways out free?" asked a random bunny to the driver.

"Sure!" said the driver, as the two chatted about random things, offering to pay for each other's carrot juice drinks, as they slowly grew more distant from the truck, before vanishing altogether.

"Finally," Seto said, throwing off the top of the crate and pulling open the back of the truck.

"Uh oh…" Ryo said.

"What…now?" asked Seto.

"My shoes caught on a loose nail jetting out of one of the boards!" said Ryo

"Well get it out!" Seto said angrily.

"I can't…" said Ryo. "Every time I try, I twist my ankle and it hurts!"

"Well what do you want me to do?" asked Seto angrily.

"You could try to help me try…" said Ryo. "Maybe if we flip the crate on its side…"

"God Ryo," said Seto bitterly, walking over to the crate to try to push it on its side, which wasn't an easy task because the crate was not only heavy already, it was full of carrots and Ryo. After much straining, slowly but surely, the crate tipped over, spilling out many carrots as it did, as Ryo let out a small cry of surprise as he thudded to the floor.

"Now can you get it out?" asked Seto angrily.

"No, I'm still stuck…" said Ryo, managing to get up on one foot, but still having the other one stuck.

"Then just take your bloody shoe off!" said Seto, starting to feel very glad that he only too Ryo along, feeling he might not be able to handle whatever Joey's brain particle can dish out on top of Ryo.

"I tried, but it's still stuck, and if I try to hard, I'll get scratched by the nail!" said Ryo. "I DON'T WANT TO GET A TETANUS SHOT!"

"Your doing this on purpose, aren't you?" asked Seto, who grabbed Ryo roughly by the wrist and completely yanked him out as hard as he can in sheer anger, which actually wasn't a good thing. He pulled Ryo so hard that Ryo was instantly freed, but Ryo's entire body toppled on his own, sending them both falling out of the truck, landing hard on their heads on the solid concrete floor.

"Thanks…Seto…" said Ryo, twitching in pain as little duckies spinning around his head.

"Oh…my head…" said Seto in a sick tone of voice. However, just as they thought things couldn't get any worse, the crate of carrots that Seto pulled Ryo out of was dragged right to the edge of the truck, and as usual, karma/gravity came into play, as it slid right onto Seto's back as he got up, causing him to yell in pain and confusion and trip into Ryo, who was shoved into the wall, where very inconveniently, a circuit board was, causing his face to smash into it and all the lights to go out in the building.

"OW!" Ryo cried in pain. "My shoe's ruined, I've got a headache, my hair's stuck in the circuit board, AND NOW IT'S DARK! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"I wonder if I can bang my head hard enough on the floor for it to kill me…" wondered Seto.

---ooo---

"Jeez, I can't believe Serenity Wheeler's security team is this pathetic," commented one of the bunnies as was in the kitchen fixing himself a sandwich, feeling rather hungry after skipping around the front door singing his song. However, due to the fact that he burnt out his taste buds years ago, his sandwich now consisted of two scoops of strawberry ice cream, tomato slices, instant cup ramen, raw eggs, ketchup, wafer cookies, maple syrup, tuna, peanut butter, coffee grounds, mustard, relish, marshmallow fluff, and potato chips, all squeezed between two pancakes.

"Stop gapping," said another member of the team. "Let's just decommission her and do it quick!"

So the tree-bunny-hit-team snuck past the kitchen where Joey was, who was singing the theme song to 'Air' (_A/N _Did I mention what a scary person Joey is?) while slapping on some jam to his sandwich masterpiece, occasionally muttering 'my jam…all for Joey…'

Anyway, the bunnies made it to the room where Serenity was, who was currently sleeping peacefully in bed, and were attempting to open up the door, which turned out to be locked.

"Dangit!" said a bunny in a hushed-but-angry voice. "This door has a unlocking-proof charm on it! We're going to need our big guns!"

"Right," said a bunny, pulling out the FBBI standard issue Magical Charm Breaking Plasma Cannon of Death.

---ooo---

"Mff…mer, my cream cheese…" said Joey, who was currently burring his face in the cream cheese, happily stuffing huge handfuls of it into his mouth.

"Joey…Joey Wheeler…" said a soft, mystical kind of voice behind him. Joey stopped eating the cream cheese in horror, realizing that someone caught him pilfering all of it.

"I'M SORRY MAI!" said Joey, his face covered in white, sticky cream cheese.

"No you foolish boy," said Joey, suddenly realizing that it wasn't Mai who was talking to him, but the Eggplant of the Brawn from Chapter Thirty Four. "I am the Eggplant of the Brawn from Chapter Thirty Four-"

Did I not just say that?

"QUIET!" said the eggplant to the narrator. "Joey Wheeler, you friend Serenity is in grave danger. Her room is being raided by three of Pegasus's hit-bunnies, who are going to try to wound her even more so she'll be forced to forfeit the match tomorrow! You must do something!"

"10:34, why?" asked Joey.

"Oh dear, I hope I still know how to speak idiot," said the eggplant. "Um…WOOT! APPLE DUMPLING ARE SQUISHY…hey, smell my feet. APRICOTS!"

_Subtitles: Help! A bunch of bunnies are going to do something terrible to your best friend, and if you don't do something fast, it will be too late!_

"DETROIT!" Joey cried in horror.

_Subtitles: Zounds! How could I be so foolish? How could I possibly forsake my friend and my duty in such a way? Fear not Serenity! I'm coming to save you!_

With that, grabbing the mystical piece of produce, Joey charged off to make sure Serenity was okay, leaving a trail of jam and cream cheese behind him.

---ooo---

"Almost…done…" said one of the bunnies, who was almost done frying the door clean off it's hinges, which was a difficult task, due to the strength of Mai's charm.

"Okay boys, you know what to do?" said one of the bunnies.

"Yup!" said the other two.

"Alright," said the first. "Let's do-"

"NOT SO FAST, FOUL BUNNIES!" said Joey heroicly, hopping into the hallway, wearing a pair of underwear over his jeans, a mask, and a towel superhero cape. "FOR DARING TO HURT A POOR, INNOCENT DDR PLAYER IN HER SLEEP, YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF…BUTT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

"Oh please," said one of the bunnies. "Oh well, I suppose we can deal with this loony.

"Never underestimate the power of insanity!" said Joey. "PREPARE TO FEEL THE DERRIERE OF DEMOLITION EVIL RODENTS!"

"Oh yeah, what are you going to do?" said one of them.

"THIS!" said Joey, pulling out his homemade jam launcher, which he built in seventh grade technology class.

"OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT STRAWBERRY JAM!" screamed one of the bunnies in horror, as all of them turned to flea, but-

"YES!" said Joey.

-it was too late, for Joey started to fire the launcher, and balls of jam started to fling themselves at eighty miles per hour each at the bunnies, hitting them, exploding on contact, throwing them against the wall and gluing them to it, and overall making a huge, sticky mess in Mai's apartment. Joey was laughing like a lunatic all through it. How Serenity managed to sleep through all that dim is beyond me.

Anyway, it only took a few minutes for the bunnies to all be lying in mix-matched heaps, all groaning in exhaustion at all places in the hallway, all of their nice, clean, white fur completely saturated by the jam. One by one, Joey picked them up by the ears as he walked past, opened the door, and chucked them all out into the garbage can outside.

"MAY THAT BE A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU, YOU FILTHY ANIMALS!" said Joey, as a pair of giraffes, a hippo, and a pig passing by turned an angry eye at him as he slammed the door shut.

"Well that was easy!" said Joey. "Huh…those meanies tried to hurt Serenity. But that means that if they want to hurt Serenity…THEY MAY TRY TO HURT RYO AND THE TOOTH FAIRY!"

With that, Joey ran upstairs, charged out of a window on the third floor of the apartment complex, shattering it as he fell to Earth and landed flat on his stomach, getting up, and running down the roat.

"DON'T WORRY GUYS!" said Joey, running down the road, unknowing that he had a huge hole torn in his pants, showing off his Barney boxer shorts. "I'M COMING!"

---ooo---

"Seto…I can't-OW!-I can't see anything!" said the Ryo eyes again, blindly walking around in the dark, bumping into the wall for the nineteenth time. "Seto…are you there? SETOOOOO!"

"I'm right here Ryo…" said Seto eyes coldly.

"I can't take this!" said Ryo, who was hyperventilating, gasping for air with huge, racking breaths in pure horror. "It's way too dark! It's too easy to lose each other! What are we gonna do?"

"Well what do you want me to do?" asked Seto. "I mean, I can't just suddenly light up!"

"Let's hold hands!" Ryo said.

Heavy silence.

"_No_," said Seto in a dark, almost evil tone of voice.

"But then we won't lose each other!" said Ryo.

"Ryo, no, no, and NO!" said Seto.

**FOUR SECONDS LATER**

"This _never _leaves the castle Ryo, or I swear I'll do something that is grounds for this story being raised to T," said Seto, whose hand was limp, being held by Ryo's as they both walked down the hall in complete darkness.

"Okay, now which way should we go?" asked Ryo as they both walked down the hall.

"I don't know Daniel Boon, you tell m-OW!"

Seto's face got slammed into a wall. Then there was an awkward pause.

"WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!" Ryo cried.

"Ryo, I hope you don't pursue a career in operating heavy machinery," said Seto, unsticking his face from the wall.

"Hey Seto, this feels like a sign!" said Ryo, feeling a wall on the opposite side of the hallway, across from Seto's wall. "Um…hey Seto, you're smart, can you read Braille? It's on the opposite wall from you."

"Whatever," said Seto, walking to the other end of the hallway, feeling the wall with his free hand until he got to the sign that Ryo was indicating. "I'm a little rusty but…okay, it says 'North Wing…living chambers, West Wing…Origami, wait, Karaoke Bar, East Wing: Secret Training and Development Rooms, Extremely private, enter and die."

"So we're heading to East Wing?" asked Ryo.

"No, we're heading for the karaoke bar," said Seto sarcastically.

"How will that help?" asked Ryo.

"There goes that inability to detect sarcasm again…" said Seto darkly.

---ooo---

So after creeping down the hallway, while bumping into far less walls than they did earlier, our heroes managed to make it to their destination…THE KARAOKE BAR! Uh, I mean, the mysterious East Wing.

"Any one of these rooms could have the secret of the DDR machines…" said Ryo. "Where the heck are we going to start? And what are we going to do about this dark?"

"I think we should start by hiding," said Seto, as a pair of flashlights shown in the dark, slowly getting closer. Before he could say anything else, Ryo yanked him into a room at their side, as a pair of bunnies walked by them with their flashlights.

"Hm…" said Seto. "I have a cunning plan."

"Which means that one of us is going to get hurt very soon, right?" asked Ryo.

"No, but they are," said Seto, jumping out of the room, and with the sounds of a small struggle coming from outside, with a few bites, kicks, and squeaks of panic, Seto came back into the room triumphantly with a pair of flashlights.

"Torch?" said Seto, offering Ryo one.

"Uh…what happened to the bunnies?" asked Ryo, reluctantly taking it.

"What bunnies?" Seto asked evilly, as Ryo turned on his and started to look around.

The room turned out to be some sort of filing room, with all kinds of filing cabinets around it, full to bursting with manila files of all labels and kinds. Ryo began fishing in one, which turned out to be nothing but episode summaries of 'Kiddy Grade', while the next turned out to be the same for 'Cowboy Bebop', 'Naruto', and 'One Piece'.

"Nothing but Anime summaries in this one…" Ryo said weakly.

"What? Same as mine!" asked Seto, who was going through a different filing cabinet. "And…there's some in this one too! And this one!"

"Uh…Seto?" said Ryo, who had stepped outside for a minute. "The sign over the door to this room says 'Anime Summary Filing'.

"My god, why do we get such a lame villan?" asked Seto, walking out. "Alright, what's with the other rooms?"

"Uh, this one says 'Beanie Baby Collection', this one says 'Home Movies', this one says 'Pet Mice'-" said Ryo, flashing his flashlight on all of the signs on top of all of the door.

Seto's eye began twitching again.

"-and this one says 'Secret Stuff about the DDR machines…" said Ryo.

"That the one," said Seto, pointing to the last one.

"Perfect!" said Ryo, walking into the last room, afterwards wishing he didn't. The entire room was full of complex machinery that was sparking rather unpleasantly. There were several scrawled notes lying on the floor in computer lingo, copies of DDR music, a book called 'Kick-A DDR Moves For Pleasure and Profit', and that was just the normal stuff. There was deffinatly and 'Occult' feel about the room, because it was littered with all kinds of magical voodoo items on the floor, including voodoo dolls of our heroes, evil looking scrolls that look like they were written in blood, odd books with berserk, evil symbols, that just by looking at them Ryo felt like he was sinking into his own body.

"I don't like this place…" Ryo said uneasily, then screaming when he saw the skeleton on the floor. However, his mood quickly changed when he saw, sticking out of the skeleton's mouth, a role of blueprints. Ryo pulled them out, unrolled them, and smiled in triumph.

"I found them!" he said. "Huh…can't make out this design though…"

"Let me see," said Seto, snatching it out of Ryo's hand without a second thought and/or a word of politness. "AH HA! Just as I thought. The game _is_ rigged!"

"How?" asked Ryo.

"According to this plan, there's supposed to be a very complicated shocking device in the harness of the opposing player. There's a control center located somewhere outside the stadium, and by command, it can activate the mechanism and shoot a subliminal electric shock through your entire body, enough to make you collapse, and even sustain some serious damage depending on the voltage level!"

"So that's what they did to you!" said Ryo. "Then that means that he hurt Serenity really bad if he wants too!"

"Not to mention she's doomed to lose!" said Seto. "We got to get this back to her qui-"

"Well, well, well," said Pegasus's voice behind them, as Ryo and Seto each felt a hand land on their shoulder. "What do we have here? A couple of restless night owls?"

Ryo let out a squeak of horror.

"Blast…" muttered Seto.

---ooo---

"Are you sure your okay Serenity?" asked Mai, while Serenity was walking halfheartedly to the door of Mai's apartment to drive to the stadium. "Forgive me for saying this, but you look like death wormed over."

"I'm fine…" Serenity muttered, walking down the steeps to the street. "Are you sure you couldn't find the others?"

"No," said Mai. "Seto and Ryo went off earlier for some reason and never came back, and I left Joey at home to get some dinner, and when I got back, the entire apartment was painted over in jam and he was missing."

She looked over Serenity inceptively. Serenity, while still washed, dried, and brushed at the last minute, seemed to look like she had already lost. Her eyes seemed much darker, lacking the spark of confidence. In fact, it was like there was no light shining in them at all. She looked rather pale and weak on her feet as she climbed into Mai's blue convertible, even her cheeks looked a little bit sunken. It looked almost as if she had just recently gotten over a cold.

"Classic Joey," said Serenity, as Mai started the car. "This scrubs. I feel dead, Seto and Ryo have gone to who knows where, and Joey had a jam-based conniption and probably went of after them, and we'll find him in two weeks wandering around somewhere miles from here without a shirt!"

"I hope you aren't going to let this get you down," said Mai, giving her a smile, as well as slamming her foot on the gas pedal. "Today is the day you win Serenity. I don't know how, but I've never been more confident in anyone's skills more than yours!"

"But I lost last time…" said Serenity, trying to yell over the sound of the air resistance against Mai's car, which was moving not far from the speed of sound, as well as the blare of a state trooper behind them. "And look at the bets…"

"Hey, everyone loses one," said Mai, also at a loud volume, throwing a random brick from her feet to knock out one of the state troupers, who was now having to pick up speed as Mai began to gun it. "I know this isn't going to be easy, and I have no freakin' clue why the guys aren't here, but come on…after all those times you thought you lost one, after all those times you did, you somehow found a way to get back up again and win…and why should this time be any different?"

"But this is the final game…" said Serenity.

"Strip away all that game glitz, the bets, the souvenir mugs, and all the hype and commentary, and what have you got?" asked Mai. "All of this is nothing more than a DDR game to help your friends…and isn't that all that matters? And so far, you've done, you've all done, a fantastic job of pulling each other through the mess around here, and I have no doubt you can do it one more time."

"Yeah…I guess you're right," said Serenity. "But can you try to find the others anyway? I'm worried that they're going to do something stupid."

"Right away," said Mai, punching a guy who had managed to get to the same speed as her, and was about to tell her to pull over, causing him to skid of the road and into some bushes not far from the road. "Once I drop you off, it's off to find the idiots!"

---ooo---

"Seto, in all reasonable contexts, are we doomed?" asked Ryo to Seto, who were both stuffed in a cell in Pegasus's Castle, where they had been all night. "Serenity's game starts in an hour! We have to get out of here!"

"Hang on, I almost have it…" said Seto, who was making a shock breaker out of rocks, dirt, and a pair of forks, which should stop the shock waves in Serenity's harness once activated, which he managed to design after a quick glimpse of the plans.

"WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA!" cried Ryo, spinning around. "You can squeeze your weightless body through the bars like you did before!"

"THERE WE GO WITH THE WEIGHT THING!" yelled Seto angrily.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Ryo said with huge, cute eyes.

"Fine," said Seto in a dark, angry voice, putting down the shock breaker and walking through the bars. It looked like our heroes were home free, except.

"Darn it…my trench coat's stuck," said Seto, try to tug his gravity-defying trench coat through the bars.

"Well take it off…" said Ryo.

"NO!" Seto screamed, hugging the tail end of it. "Not Trenchy!"

"You named your trench coat _Trenchy_?" Ryo asked.

"…yes…" said Seto, slinking back into the cell.

"THAT'S SO UNCREATIVE!" said Ryo, pointing to his sweater. "My sweater's name is Sir Fountleroy Fauxchiliron III!"

CRASH!

With that, straight through the roof, outside of the bars that held our dynamic (ish) due captive, our hero, Joey A.K.A Butt Man landed hard on his rear right in front of our two heroes.

"FEAR NOT CITIZENS!" he screamed, getting up with a heroic pose. "I am…BUTT MAN!"

"Joey! You came to save us!" said Ryo happily.

"Oh my God…I'M GLAD HE CAME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Seto in self-loathing.

"I'm not Joey!" Joey said. "I AM BUTT MAN!"

"Joey, this is important!" said Ryo. "If you don't stop the DDR match in time, Serenity's going to lose! Pegasus is cheating, and he's using a shock-based system to stop her, and out of control, she could really get hurt!"

"OH NO!" Joey cried. "This looks like a job for…BUTT-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" screamed Seto, shoving Joey a crude looking kind of electronical device. "Listen go give Serenity and Mai this Portable Shock-Wave Breaker and this note, and don't waste any time getting there being stupid!"

"Give what to who?" Joey asked.

Seto slapped his forehead.

"Joey…give this to Mai and Serenity, and fast!" said Ryo, talking in a slow, 'My-God-Joey-Just-Try-To-Understand-What-We're-Saying voice.

"First I gotsta save you!" said Joey, pulling out a rubber chicken.

"Joey, you don't have much time! Hurry!" said Ryo.

"Huh?" Joey said.

"BEAT IT YOU STUPID MUTT!" screamed Seto, chucking a loose piece of brick at Joey's hallow head.

"Stupid Seto!' Joey yelled, running out of the cell carrying the electronical device, as well as the note, out of the cell, but as usual, he didn't believe in doors, so he just plowed through it, leaving a huge, Joey shaped crater in it. What's new?

"I guess some things just don't change…" said Ryo.

"Wait…the Mutt said my name…" said Seto in realization. "OH MY GOD! JOEY SAID MY NAME! NOT 'THE TOOTH FAIRY'! MY NAAAAAAAAAAME!"

Seto was bathing in a combination of shock, confusion, and near-bliss from this revelation, as Ryo wondered if anyone was truly sane in this story.

---ooo---

"Are you sure you'll be okay Mai?" Serenity asked, as Mai looked at her over the driver's side door of her convertible, which Serenity had only a few minutes before gotten out of, as she waited in front of the stadium.

"How can you ask me that when you're about to KO at any minute?" asked Mai.

"For the last time, I'm fine," said Serenity.

"Whatever…just play to win kid, and don't worry, I'll find your senseless friends," said Mai with an encouraging wink. "Don't make me go Seto on you if you lose."

"That's a threat, isn't it?" asked Serenity, feeling a little bit better. "Bye Mai."

"Seeya," said Mai, flashing her a brief, two-finger salute, and flooring her car, sending her shooting out of the parking lot at excess ninety miles an hour, her usual cloud of policemen following close behind her. Serenity made a mental note never, ever to drive like Mai in her lifetime.

"Oh Lord!" cried an adorable voice behind her, as Serenity whirled around to see both ASV and Double S, both stricken at how exhausted Serenity looked.

"Your not going to play like that, are you Serenity?" asked Double S, worry obviously woven into his voice.

"I really have no choice guys…" said Serenity.

"And where are the others?" asked ASV indignantly. "Don't tell me your going to do this all alone!"

"Uh…no comment…" said Serenity.

"Did you get enough to eat today for breakfast? Do you need to sit down? Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need us to do anything?" said Double S. Serenity was starting to think that they both sounded like a pair of elderly ladies, stopping their granddaughter from doing something they deemed 'much too dangerous for my little girl'.

"No, no, I'm fine, h-h-honest," said Serenity, which was very unconvincing, who was trying to stifle a huge yawn when she spoke.

"Oh, I'm not going to take that for an answer!" said ASV, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her to the stadium. "You're going to relax, and your going to drink a nice, hot, white chocolate cocoa!"

"Let's get her some cinnamon swirls too!" said Double S cheerfully, grabbing her other wrist.

Serenity knew it was pointless to try to resist. There was no way that she was ever going to be able to fight the influence of the two adorable consciences-in-training.

---ooo---

"MUST RUN FAST! MUST RUN FAST! MUST RUN FAST!" screamed Joey at the top of his lungs as he ran through the highway at top speed, causing several cars to suddenly need to swerve to avoid hitting the screaming loony who was charging straight down the lane in a crazily weaving course to try to find his friends, screaming such things as 'MUST FIND SERENITY AND MAI!' and 'CASSEROLE!', causing several pile ups all along it. It would take someone superhuman to manage to make it through all this horror and devastation.

Well, actually, all it took was Mai.

"JOEY!" she screamed, managing to slow down to semi-normal speed to keep up with Joey, to great relief of all the police officers behind her. "What the heck are you doing out here?"

"GREETINGS FOXY CITIZEN!" yelled Joey, saluting heroically to Mai. "I am BUTT BOY, and-"

"GET YOUR BUTT IN THE CAR!" yelled Mai, grabbing him with one swift moment, throwing him in the passenger end of the car. With that, she sped up to one hundred miles per hour, turned the steering wheel so violently that she nearly snapped it off, and with a disgusting screech, she made her convertible, crash into the opposite lane in one of the most violent and speedy U-turns in the history of man. It was so violent that two cars behind her caught on fire due to the friction, and she literally had to ramp off the back of a car-carrying truck, which caused her to soar twenty feet in the air, over her confused police pursuers, and slamming down with the strength of two hundred pounds per square inch on the road, crushing it, and belting out from whence she came.

"Foxy Citizen!" said Joey, handing her the note and electronic to Mai. "I have a note from two citizens who said that your friend Serenity is being cheated by Pegasus!"

"Give me that," said Mai, reading and driving at the same time.

_Mai and/or Serenity,_

_Pegasus is cheating. He rigged her harness, and douses her with electric shocks whenever he fears that she's going to lose. You have to take this breaker and activate it in the control room of this system, which is right under the stadium. You have to hurry. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine._

_Sighned, Seto, WAIT! Uh…no, it's uh…RYO! YEAH, RYO! HE CARES ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS! NOT SETO AT ALL! THIS NOTE WAS WRITTEN BY RYO! REALLY! HONESTLY!_

"Oh God, I have less time than I thought," said Mai, stuffing the note in her shirt, and slaming the gas so hard that she went even faster than she did before, defying the laws of physics. As you probably have guessed, no car insurance agency in all of Cuz is stupid enough to insure Mai anymore.

---ooo---

"It's no good Seto!" said Ryo sadly, clinging to the bars. "There's no way out of this…I'm all out of ideas!"

"Me too," said Seto. "Let's face it Ryo. This is the end. There's no other way to get around it. We're stuck in a cell, our life line is a complete moron running around in a pair of underwear, and we're stuck so far out of walking distance that there's no way we can get to the stadium in time even if we managed to escape."

"Then how did we get here so quick in the first place?" asked Ryo.

"Literary impossibility," said Seto, but before he could say another word, there was a scrape of metal against rock, as a huge grapple attached to a rope hooked itself on the barred window, as Ryo cried out in fright. However, he neediest not worry, for the head that poked up from the climbed rope was no other than.

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" Ryo and Seto both cried happily, as the plush cat, this time dressed in black, burglar wear, pulled out a mini buzz saw, and began sawing the bars with a din-like bang of metal being hacked.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZR!

Ka-ching-ching-chihihihihihing!

Within a few moments, both bars rolled across the floor, and a passageway to freedom had been opened, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins waving for them to come down.

"Say thank you Ryo," said Seto.

"Thank you?" said Ryo, wondering why he was thanking a plush toy.

"Don't even say it, that's good enough for me," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to Seto, as Ryo began to climb down the rope, trying his best to forget that he was full-blown paralyzingly afraid of heights, who was followed by Seto, as they both made a grime decent from the third-story tower. Ryo was borderline crying, but he managed to hold it back, and Seto was trying his best not be happy that he was glad to see _two_ people that annoyed him in one day, so the climb went with very little incident.

"I love you solid ground…" Ryo said, hugging the ground under his feet, glad not to be in a really high space anymore.

"Woo hoo," said Seto. "Okay, next problem. How the heck are we going to get to the stadium in time? We only have forty-five minutes before the game starts!"

"Fear not," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, pulling out a key on a ring, and pointing to a huge, metallic, mini-flying-saucer looking air vehicle. "I brought my CMWGAA standard issue hover car with me. And don't you get any ideas, I'm driving buster."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," said Seto.

"Do you always talk to plushies Seto?" Ryo asked.

---ooo---

"So your saying that this weirdo generator which controls the cheating thing is somewhere _under _the stadium?" asked Mai to Joey, who had just made it to the playing arena, and were now running from the parking lot to get there, due to the fact that they only had thirty minutes before the game started.

"YUP!" Joey said.

"Okay little brain, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET UNDER THE STADIUM?" asked Mai.

"Uuuuuuhhhhh…." Joey said.

"You forgot to ask where the entrance to under the stadium was?" Mai said darkly.

"YUP!" Joey said.

Mai just glared at him.

"I love you too," said Joey.

"I think I know how to settle this rather unfortunate situation," said Mai, taking out a wand, and turning a sign that showed the speed limit into a shovel, which caused every car on the road to gun it on the highway, now that they didn't need to abide by silly 'speed limits'.

"Start shoveling," said Mai, shoving the shovel into Joey's hands.

"SWEET!" screamed Joey, beginning to dig, which was one of his favorite things to do, aside from annoying people and destroying things and hurting himself and doing something really stupid.

**A FEW MINUTES LATER**

"We must make sure that the system is well guarded today," said one of the bunnies to a small squadron of flying, fuzzy bunny guards in the underground hallway leading to the generator where the inner mechanisms of Pegasus's system lie. "This is the most critical day of the tournament, and we must guard this hallway WITH OUR LIVES IF NESSESSARY!"

With that, almost all the bunnies turned away and began to go home.

"HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE!" said the commander. "DON'T FORGET THOSE TWO PICTURES I HAVE OF ALL OF YOU!"

"No one can prove that was me kissing that armadillo!" said one of the bunnies.

"Don't care, back, get back here! All of you!" said the bunny commander, as all the staff reluctantly walked back. "Oh come on! It's not like anyone's going to _find _this place! No one even knows that it exists!"

That's when Joey collapsed through the ceiling, pummeling downward, and landing quite hard on the bunny commander, unfortunately, not killing him.

"BUTT MAN TRIUMPHS!" screamed Joey.

"GET HIM!" screamed all of the bunnies in the hallway, pushing a huge red button that said 'Get a whole bunch of bunnies here to kick an unintelligent intruder's butt'. Joey took no hesitation of running off down the hallway as fast as he could.

The bunny commander was slowly getting to his feet to fight back, feeling all crushed and weak, and just as he took one step forward, he got crushed by Mai's spiked heel, who jumped down through the hole that Joey dug, who then sprinted down the hall after Joey, kicking a few bunnies in the nose who tried to resist her entry.

They had twenty minutes before the final game started.

---ooo---

"No one taught you how to land, huh?" asked Seto, who was standing three feet away from the smoldering rubble of the hovercraft, which Ms. Fuzzy-Kins decided to land, nose first, at sixty miles per hour straight down, on a 1972 antique Javelin in the parking lot, which was not only completely destroyed, it was now on fire.

"Shut up," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Alright, all we have to do now is figure out where the entrance to the underground entrance is," said Ryo. "But it could be anywhere! Where the heck should we start?"

"MAYDAY, MAYDAY, BLONDE IDIOT AND GOOD WITCH MAKING WAY TO THE MAIN GENERATOR, REPEAT, BLONDE IDIOT AND GOOD WITCH MAKING WAY TO GENERATOR! CODE RED! CODE RED!" screamed two score army of flying, fuzzy bunnies, breezing past Seto and Ryo and charging off in the direction of the locker rooms.

"Boy, irony is sure on our side today," said Ryo. "Let's stop them!"

"Oh yeah," said Seto. "Let's try to beat off three dozen trained bunnies armed with glitter and health food and…the soft pillows…"

"Wait! That's it!" said Ryo, quickly shooting his hand into Seto's pocket, pulling out the 'Hello Kitty' whistle.

"NORYODON'T!" screamed Seto in panic, knowing what was coming next.

But it was too late. Ryo blew a long note into the silent whistle.

And from out of the sky flew the heroic-looking fifteen year old, wearing purple boots, a purple cape, a purple skirt, and midriff tee with a huge red heart with the words 'Yu-Gi-Oh Characters' in the center of it. She was followed by a few other girls, wearing basically the same outfit, except one had green instead of purple with 'Joey Wheeler/ Katsuya Jonouchi' in her heart, one had yellow instead of purple with 'Ryo Bakura' in her heart, and one had blue instead of purple with 'Seto Kaiba' in her heart.

"IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE, KINDNESS TO YU-GI-OH CHARACTERS, AND FRESH SALMON," said the heroic girl, landing with her comrades. "I am…FAN GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, together with JOEY FAN, RYO FAN, and SETO FAN, we are…THE FAN GIRL ARMY!"

"Yeah, yeah, great, now please can you help us?" asked Seto.

"Anything good fictional character!" said Fan Girl.

"Serenity's stuck in a DDR game with Pegasus, but he's cheating, and now Joey and Mai are stuck trying to dismantle the underground generator, and we're running out of time really fast before the game starts, and Serenity could lose and get hurt if we don't stop the flying, fuzzy bunnies from catching them!" said Ryo.

"Normally it's against our principles to conspire against Yu-Gi-Oh characters," said Fan Girl. "However, we reserve full right to trounce fuzzy bunnies! Which way did they go?"

"Follow us!" said Seto, as he and Ryo both ran to the locker rooms.

"ADVANCE!" said Fan Girl, as the other fan girls followed her.

"All for capturing them both and huggling them?" said Seto Fan.

"AYE!" said the other three.

---ooo---

Meanwhile, Joey and Mai were running down the hallway, trying there best to fight off the massive hoards of bunnies who got in their way. It was a long fight, and no matter how many bunnies they knocked down, more and more just came up, ready to fight to the death.

"STAY BACK YOU BLOODY RABBITS!" said Mai, using one fuzzy bunny to beat back the other ones that were jumping at her. "The main room can't be very far from here…it just can't…"

"Must…fight…off…bunnies…" said Joey, who was trying his best to mow through the fuzzy bunny army. But time was running short. Ten minutes to the final game.

---ooo---

"Alright men, ready to decent?" asked the fuzzy bunny general of the troops who were about to head down to capture Mai and Joey.

"You bet sir!" said one of the cadets. The army of fuzzy bunnies were standing outside of a door that was cleverly disguised as a gym coach in the locker room.

"They'll never survive this one," said the general, holding out a portable fruit launcher. "HQ's been developing these babies for weeks. Let's see those filthy primates stop this!"

"HALT MONSTROUS RODENTS!" said Fan Girly, turning a corner sharply into the locker room to face the army, her fan girl army making a sharp turn, so sharp that Ryo Fan nearly slid off her feet, and behind them were Seto, Ryo, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "How dare you try to harm our favorite characters?"

"PREPARE TO SUFFER GRAVE AMOUNTS OF PERSONAL DISCOMFORT IN THE FORMS OF SLAPPING, KICKING, AND THE OCCATIONAL PINCH!" yelled Joey Fan.

"ATTAAAAAAAAAACK!" screamed Fan Girl.

---ooo---

"Thank you again for the cocoa and buns you guys," said Serenity to Double S and ASV, who already was starting to perk up with a warm, sugary meal in her stomach. "I feel a lot better already!"

"It was nothing!" said Double S.

"We just don't want you to keel over again," said ASV. "You took a real nose dive last time!"

"Yeah…" said Serenity.

"Hey Serenity," said Johney Roma, who had walked down to Serenity's bench where she normally sat with her team before the game started. "Just wanted to say best of luck to you today, we're all rooting for you. So don't lose, or else Mobster and me are going to lose fifty bucks."

"Okay!" said Serenity.

"Aren't communitarians supposed to be impartial?" asked Double S.

"Yes, but Mob Leaders can do whatever they like," said Johney.

"Guys! You're not going to believe this!" said Mobster, running up to the gang of Serenity supporters. "I just saw a whole army of flying, fuzzy bunnies head off to the locker room, followed by the British Person, the Not-a-British-Person, and a whole army of girls wearing midriffs and boots and capes that were flying!"

It didn't take a super genius to realize that Joey, Seto, and Ryo were in trouble.

"I've got to go help them!" said Serenity, about to run toward the locker room.

"No! You can't!" said ASV, grabbing Serenity by the shoulder. "The game starts in a couple minutes! What you need to do is stay here and win the game!"

"But the guys are in trouble!" said Serenity. "And knowing them, they're all going to do something stupid!"

"Mobster, do commentary for me!" said Johney, who started to run toward the locker rooms.

"Oh God, no!" said Mobster, realizing what he was about to do.

"Don't worry Serenity, they'll be fine, I promise!" said ASV. "You need to go and win this game!"

"This is the one you've been working so hard to win for so long now!" said Double S. "Come on Serenity! Do it for everyone!"

Serenity only nodded, and began to climb up the stairs to the platform. This was the day that her entire struggle in Cuz would be worth something more. This was the game that she had to win, for her friends, for Cuz, for herself, and for anyone who just watched the underdog climb up the stairs, with nothing to lose and everything to gain, with that last light of battle in her or his eye, who's entire view of life could be changed from a single space of time, with a silent hope for victory. And whether triumph or disaster would ensure, each would be a near crushing weight on either of the players' souls.

---ooo---

The battle of Fan Girls vs Fuzzy Bunnies ragged on, each fighting with tooth and nail, and fuzzy cotton tail. Actually, I just said that because it would rhyme. Still, it was a tough fight, each being top fighters with experience and skill behind their backs. And both loved to bite the other, as well as take long walks in the park under the sun. They are both currently single, and looking for a nice member of the opposite gender who loves kitties, cocoa, and a good book on a cold winter night like they do! If anyone in the audience is interested, pleas call 1-800-THIS-NUMBER-DOES-NOT-EXIST.

"Okay…weird…" said Seto.

"We've got them held off!" said Fan Girl to Seto and Ryo, who then swatted away a bunny in mid-air. "You have to go and find the others!"

"But we can't just-" Ryo started, but before he could say another word, a huge, blue, Honda Van bounced out of the parking lot, over the grass between the parking lot and the locker room, and amazingly, skidded to a stop next to Ryo and Seto, and before they could as why, they found themselves pulled into the backseat by Johney, as he slammed on the gas and careened into the secret passageway, as bunnies, in vain, tried to catch them.

"What the-" Seto started.

"Hang on," said Johney. "I'm going to see if this thing can still pull a 120."

---ooo---

"And welcome to day three of the Three Day DDR tournament!" Mobster said. "We all know the rules, and the fact that now Serenity's odds are 3,500 to one that she'll win today. BUT WE KNOW SHE'LL WIN! HOWL IF YOU THINK SHE'LL WIN!"

"Mobster! Impartial!" said ASV, who was also in the commentary box.

"Oh yeah, and ASV's subbing for dad," said Mobster. "But seriously, YOU'RE GOING DOWN PEGGY!"

"I don't know her, honest I don't; she just followed me here or something…" said ASV.

"May the best man win Serenity-girl!" said Pegasus.

"I agree…good luck…" said Serenity, getting strapped into the harness, oh so unaware of the danger that it held!

"Alright, best of luck to both of the competitors!" said ASV.

"BUT MOSTLY FOR SERENITY!" said Mobster.

"Good luck Serenity!" Double S called from the sidelines to Serenity.

But there was no time for additional cheers. 'The End of All Hope' (_A/N I don't know if this is a DDR song or not_), began playing on the sterio, and the match of the century began.

---ooo---

"There's no way we can fight all of them off," said Mai, who was backed into a wall with Joey, who were completely surrounded by flying, fuzzy bunnies, all armed with soft pillows and glitter, all begging to be used.

"I just wish we could have helped Serenity…" said Joey.

It truly looked like they were doomed, the bunnies all squeeking and quarreling who got to stab who. However, growing in the distance, there was the roar of a car being driven full speed down the hallway, and with cries of shock in panic, all the bunnies scattered in various directions as the van pulled up to Mai and Joey, who needed this so bad that it hurt.

"Need a ride?" asked Johney.

"MACADAMIA!" said Joey, jumping in the backseat on Seto's lap, while Mai took shotgun.

"GET OFF OF ME!" yelled Seto.

"TOOTH FAIRY!" said Joey.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO SETO?" asked Seto, as the car drove on.

---ooo---

No matter what, it seems like there's never as good a performance as the actual performance. A dancer may train for weeks, eventually feeling that he or she is still not ready for the performance, and find that opening night is one of his or her greatest dances they ever performed on stage. A band may feel that there's no way that they can play well for the concert, but on opening night, they shine.

Such is for Serenity, who felt like she was playing her best game yet, hitting every note, landing every step perfectly, doing everything without flaw, balancing her moves to the music, the arrows, and the cheers of the crowd. She just wished so much that the guys were here.

She felt like this was one of the best games of her lives. She thought calmly at the back of her mind, even if she won or lost this game, she'll always remember playing this good up to this point, after so recently being laid in bed for reasons she couldn't understand. She truly felt like something superhuman.

They were both as close to perfect as humanly possible. In all terms, their scores were completely even.

---ooo---

Johney slammed through the double doors that led to the generator room with his truck, causing a shock to the bunny who worked the machinery, waiting for the signal to activate the design and shock Serenity, winning the game for Pegasus.

Rules were strict when it came to such a piece of equipment. If anyone entered the room, activate the machine immediately.

---ooo---

Left, up, right, down, right, up, down, up, left, right, left-

Serenity was fighting on with everything she had. Feeling like she was fighting everything.

Then, the screen flashed green.

---ooo---

Everyone found themselves throwing their bodies out of the car and sprinting after the bunny, who was charging toward the switch, raising his paw as he was about to activate the button-

---ooo---

Serenity worked immediately. She grabbed her harness, spun around on it just like she did yesterday, gave a quick look at the screen, and threw herself at the side of the wall with all her dexterity.

Time froze.

She hit 'up'.

Then she spun around on the harness again, bouncing off the opposite wall.

With that, she nailed a combo.

She sprung to the floor, nailed two more steps, and stopped in front of the judges, never feeling more versatile in her life.

---ooo---

Before the bunny could push a single button, Joey and Seto had tackled him in near mid-air, throwing all three of them to the floor. Mai snatched the electronical device Joey dropped, who passed it to Ryo, who pressed it, causing the machine to shut down.

---ooo---

Serenity didn't look at the judges. She just sat there, her heart pulsing so hard she could have swore it was right next to her ear, wondering if she did everything right, and begging silently at the top of her lungs that she did.

Pegasus looked shocked. How come she wasn't down?

The judging was particularly long. All of them were quietly discussing their agreements and disagreements, trying to come to a decision on points, and just who won. Serenity felt like she was going to collapse from nerves.

And then, it seemed like everything came at once.

Serenity didn't know at that moment what made her happier. The fact that running straight from the locker rooms were Joey, Seto, Ryo, and Mai, all running straight toward her-

-or the fact that her score was 504, to Pegasus's 497.

She didn't bother having someone take off her harness. She ripped it off herself, throwing herself down the stairs full speed, screaming at the top of her lungs from sheer joy, barely thinking of what she was saying, and ran to the four, who could never be happier to see her, as the roar of the crowd of amazement at truly the greatest match any of them ever saw in their lives just came to a close.

And Serenity, getting congrats, pats on the back, and a full blown hug form Joey, she didn't care if she went blind or if she could see through walls when she got home. A minute of this euphoria could last any man a lifetime.

---ooo---

I've got nothing else to say guys. I'll update soon. I promise.


	36. If I Only Had a Phone Call

Life is like ten books with every page torn out of them and scattered all over the floor. Finding a beginning and an ending is virtually impossible.

Happy Birthday Ryo! As you have requested, Not-Ryo is on a public street dressed in a cocktail dress while doing a chicken dance and singing 'I Feel Like a Woman'.

There's absolutely nothing else I can say to you guys that would be able to explain everything you've done for me. Thank you…

Reviews!

ShadowFire2

Muahahaha! Is Joey slowly getting, dare I say it…SMARTER? NO! It defies all human logic! But then again…so has everything else Joey's done.

Well, all the loose ends of this story are tied up in this chapter, so your question shall be answered! And the moral of this story…um…I leave that to the critics.

LoneFlyinTigers

(Sniff) Yes, it was very touching, wasn't it?

I'm glad to see you enjoy everyone working together. A sequel is a little strong…but I was thinking about doing another story starring Serenity, Joey, Seto, and Ryo together again. Their such a great team, and their all incredibly funny together. But that will be after I'm done with my next fic, _There's Something About Marik._

I'm glad I am a true random author. THANK YOU LFT! WOOT!

Mokuba's Official Glomper

You lost two cat? Aaaaaw…I'm sorry…

MER HER! YOU HAVE A BIO NOW! (Glomps) WELCOME TO THE INSANITY CIRCLE OF FF DOT NET! I'm insane…ENJOY THE CHAPPIE! THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!

Funky Egyptian

Yeah, Joey calling Seto by his actual name was a twist, wasn't it?

I was actually very glad to bring Butt Man and the Fangirls back. I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and thank you for the review.

Lefthandedfreak and Josh the Figment Man

TRENCHY!

Lefthand's playing Joey? That's kinda funny! I think I'd be an okay Seto…if I didn't hug kitties as much…

Did Josh have fun with Ryo…uh, I guess not. Josh really doesn't like Ryo at all, huh?

Always write humor it right after school. For some reason, after you drag yourself home from school, after suffering all day with teacher of evil and people you don't like, it's easy to write funny stuff! It's odd…oh, and make sure you get in a really giggly mood. It's best if you watch Monty Python reruns.

And don't listen to Josh. Fate is cruel…it made me a nerd…

Anyway, thank you for everything you two! Hope to see you review my next fic! Ciao!

Bilbo-sama

The drivers ed one? I LUVED IT! It was so funny! I hope that I have access to tools of arsenal so I can set my Driver's Ed car on fire!

I'm glad to dorky lovesick boobs getting their arses kicked. It gives me a happy feeling…ah…

DUB NAMES ARE EVIL! Thank you for all the reviews! Especially this one!

Amarie Miriel

Sorry to scare you, but you know how I love to give false hope to my characters to make them cry! I am such and evil person…

People really seem to like the fact that Joey talked to an eggplant with subtitles. And I love to somehow stick Seto and Ryo in a situation together. Their personalities bounce off each other so perfectly!

I actually found that a lot of my readers named their clothes.

Yay! Thank you for all the reviews! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!

Gothangelmyu

I thought the chapter was long too! And after I was done with it…my wrists felt really tired.

Like I said before, I think Ms. Fuzzy-Kins kind of 'chooses' who she wants to talk to. Except Serenity, she can understand everything Ms. Fuzzy-Kins says. She was getting kind of desperate when she talked to Joey. As to what she 'is' exactly, I think it's one of those things that everyone sees her in a different way, and for Seto, it's an annoying toy, for Joey, it's an asparagus, and for Ryo, it's a plushie. I guess…

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! The story is kind of long, isn't it? ENJOY THE LAST CHAPPIE!

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

I wish I could speak idiot…

Pegasus is nothing but weird, and he's always been nothing but weird. And I can't give the fangirls much more credit…

I'm glad your still writing, as well as reading. Thank you Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler. YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S REVIEWED EVERY CHAPTER! Sniff, thank you…thank you so much…(blows nose)

Fuzzy-Bunny

Joey is a bit of a loony, isn't he? But then again, aren't all the characters in this story screaming loonies?

Sometimes I act like Seto too. In fact, I think we all have acted like Seto at least one point in our lives. Just like we've all acted like Joey…I know I have.

The fan girls were products of my love of the original 'Justice League' and many other super-human animes and cartoons. While Sailor Moon probably had some indirect influence, they were based on a genre, not a specific show.

As for Joey growing a brain…this chapter you find out! Enjoy!

Princess Mika of the Shadows, Kyo, Yami, Bob, Marik, Ryo, and Bakura

HA HA HA! It's good to see that other people care about Ryo's birthday! WOOT!

Hee hee…the Yami's are kind of insane, aren't they? And yes, computers do have their own personality. We must appease them, or they will shut down! Or something like that….

THANK YOU AS USUAL GUYS! ENJOY THE FINAL CHAPPIE! AND ENJOY YOUR CREAMPUFF CAKE RYO!

Losayne Maiden

Cool name. Anyway, thanks for the two nice reviews! HAIL SERENITY INDEED! Hope you like the rest of this story, including this chapter.

And for one last time…ONTO THE CRAZINESS!

**CHAPTER TWENT SIX**

If I Only Had a Phone Call

What resulted from the tournament was a blurry jumble of celebration parties, being floated on crowds of people, and receiving congrats until people were blue in the face.

But the best, and the worst, was when Serenity was settling the terms with Pegasus.

"I…promise…never…to…be…bad…again…Signed, Pegasus," said Pegasus, filling out the final contract of him promising never ever ever to be bad again.

"Good," said Serenity, signing her part. "I'm glad you're a man of honor. Now, I want some item of personal possession…"

"Take this," said Pegasus, walking to the other end of the room where he was signing the contract, pulling out a wooden, ornately carved box, and pulling from it a small piece of paper with a stick-figure kind of dog. "This was the first thing I ever painted! It's called 'Canine en repose'. Do you like it?"

"Uh…" said Serenity, taking it.

"Hand over Mokuba before I got you like a fish," said Seto in a reasonable tone.

"SETO!" said Serenity.

"I'm sorry, I don't have him," said Pegasus. "He escaped and ran away weeks ago."

Seto just glared at him for a moment. With that, he walked out of the room and shut the door behind them. From outside, the others heard what sounded like a shriek of both pure rage and grief. Then Seto opened the door and walked back into the room, not saying a word.

Everyone was quiet.

"So…we'll…just…be going now…" said Serenity, heading toward the door, but before she even finished the sentence, Seto already turned around and walked out in a rather quick pace, nearly shoving Joey aside to get to the door.

"Is da Tooth Fairy gonna be okay?" asked Joey.

"Yeah…" said Serenity. "He's just a little upset…"

---ooo---

Serenity remembered that day, now sitting very quietly in the reception room of the headquarters of the Wizard of Cuz, knowing what the receptionist could do. Other than Joey ranting about the Pickle People of Pluto, and it being a little quiet on Seto's end, Everyone was in a pretty good mood. So good a mood, Serenity couldn't help but remember all the great memories they all made together…

**THE BEST OF 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'!**

_**Serenity**_

"Oh great!" said Serenity. "An evil fruit loop is out to kill me, I'm miles from home, and I'm stuck with these platforms! What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry Serenity," Mai said calmingly, helping her stand up straight on her new platforms. "I know a way you can get home in no time flat. Far across many lands, over wild territories is the great and powerful Wizard of Cuz! He can help you get home, because he has powers beyond your imagination."

"Is he nice?" said Serenity.

"Oh he's very nice!" said Mai. "And all you need to do to find him is follow the yellow brick road!"

She pointed to a spiral that was made of bricks on the ground. One part of the spiral was made out of red bricks, one was made out of yellow. Bricks I mean.

"Cool!" Serenity said. "So…where does the other path go?"

"Target!" Mai said

"I see," said Serenity. "Can't you just give me a coach made from some kind of gourd and turn rodents or rats or whatever to take me to this wizard loser?"

"I could," said Mai, "and I could also become at the last minute a dark and evil witch of blood lust and pure chaos and use my sharp boots to run you through and make your body resemble a bowl of chunky tomato soup. Plus, you can't rip off three things in one sitting. That's just tacky."

"That makes complete sense!" said Serenity.

"Serenity, don't ever let those platforms out of your sight. They contain powers beyond mortal understanding. The fate of this entire plan of existence is in your hands, and a lot of lives are depending upon your actions…but no pressure."

"Thanks?" Serenity asked.

---ooo---

"MS. WHEELER, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION?" Bob screamed.

"It makes perfect sense," Serenity said. "Ryo has absolutely no motive against me at all!"

"NIETHER DO I!" Bob yelled.

"Not quite, but I'll get to that," Serenity said. "The first evidence we have against you is that when the psycho attacked me, I saw a flash of gold and silver. When I happened to locate the ax that was supposedly used by Ryo to attack me, it turns out that that ax was just iron, no gold involved. However, this ax has a gold monogram with your name on it!"

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked. "YOU COULD HAVE JUST BEEN IMAGINING THINGS!"

"Which brings me to my second piece of evidence," said Serenity, pulling out the page of Ryo's day planner that said Ryo wanted to kill her. "According to this page, 'kill Serenity' was written in what appears to be red sharpie."

"SO WHAT?" Bob asked.

"Ryo's allergic to red sharpie!" Serenity said. "I read it in his diary!"

"You read his diary?" Joey asked.

"I was bored, and Seto had The DaVinchi Code," Serenity said.

"I DID NOT!" Seto screamed.

"Finally, the most conclusive evidence of all, you have an 'I Am Totally Evil And I Work For Pegasus The Not Nice Witch Of The West' wall hanging."

She pointed to the wall behind his desk, and indeed, there was an 'I Am Totally Evil and I Work for Pegasus the Not Nice Witch of the West' wall hanger.

"Wow, you think we would have noticed that," Seto said.

---ooo---

"WOO HOO!" said one cowboy, seeing them all walk in. "Ol' Sam's finely gone and gots us a show girl! Almost a shame it's a cheep one."

"_IT'S A CHEEP ONE?_" Serenity screamed, grabbing the cowboy by his throat with a sickening crack. "I'LL GIVE YOU A CHEEP ONE EASTWOOD!"

"Ooh! So much for not provoking a fight!" Ryo said, flinching from the other end of the room as he saw the whole scene play out before him. "How did she manage to jam his entire head down a gin and tonic glass?"

---ooo---

You ready to surrender?" said Snake.

"Not yet!" Serenity said. "For I know the incredibly dark verse of wisdom that makes any mortal man faint instantly!"

With that, Serenity did a dramatic leap through the air, and she landed right next to Snake. With that, she quickly whispered something in his ear.

He then screamed. He careened backwards, eyes rolling to the back of his head, and eventually passed out, falling backwards right into the sand. The dramatic background music ended, and 'Paranoid' started playing.

---ooo---

"Ryo," Serenity said, "I respect your whole 'pacifism' attitude, but really, you shouldn't take anything like that."

"What do you mean?" Ryo asked.

"Okay, repeat after me," Serenity said. "'This is being told to me by a man who runs around in a trench coat and was listening to who on a what colored boom box?'"

"Uh, is that with or without improvisation?" Ryo asked.

"Besides," Serenity added, holding up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, who was also wearing a sailor suit, "SAILOR SUITS ARE SO CUTE!"

---ooo---

Serenity coughed out sea water as she dragged her sodden body up the sandy beach, clinging to Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in her arm, like a mermaid with a head cold. She had been through a lot, but that, that was just unfair.

"Okay Ryo," Serenity said. "We've swam ten miles to shore, received several threats from several angry pirates, and I had to beat up the only living species of fresh water sharks known to man. What have learned today?"

"Okay," Ryo said, wringing out his hair. "I learned to control my emotional outbursts, that open regret leads to nothing but pain, and to never back stroke in open sea, because their may be a shark with his mouth wide open who wants to swallow you up in one bite."

---ooo---

"Excuse me," Serenity said, grabbing Seto by the sleeve and dragging him into the hallway, out of the other's sight. There was silence for a moment, then Seto's horrified scream, followed by him running into the room away from Serenity as fast as he could.

"TAKEITTAKEITTAKEITTAKEIT!" he screamed, holding out his opened up wallet.

---ooo---

"You really have some issues, don't you Seto?" she asked.

"Is that the point? NO!" Seto said. "What is the point is that you're either working for the mice people, or you're disguised as Serenity! Either way, you're going to suffer the horror which can only be described as…A PLASTIC BUTTER KNIFE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Serenity managed to get one foot loose out of the net, slamming her platformed heel right into his face, making him drop the butter knife.

"Mkay" his muffled voice said. "Yrr Srinity."

---ooo---

"Well, we'll find out what's doing this quick, and then we'll be on our way!" Serenity said.

"Why?" Seto said. "I'm certainly not sticking around!"

"But Joey owes it to Wheeler to help him, and we want to set a good example," Serenity said.

"I don't," Seto snapped back.

"Of course, I can always set a bad example, and tie you up to a swivel chair, and force you watch the Titanic un-cut Four Hour long feature with all the DVD extras, including a bunch of trailers, and several bad commercials ripping off scenes from the movie," Serenity said.

"You…are…sick…" he managed to spit out.

---ooo---

"I won't let you do this!" said Serenity, backing up as the brutes closed in. "I won't let you kill me and let Ryo take you're place on death row!"

"I really don't think you have any choice!" said Ryu. "You're unarmed!"

"Oh yeah?" said Serenity, and before they could say another thing, with one swipe, she swung the rack of portable gallows to the floor, knocking them in every direction, knocking out one of the muggers.

"Why you little-" started one of them, charging toward her, until she gave him a gut jab with her knee, knocking him to the floor with a thud, in a state of complete pain.

"And now for my signature!" said Serenity, jumping in the air, slamming Ryu down with her platform, like she did last time, right on his face.

---ooo---

"What the heck is wrong with you?" said the manager, toning down his voice a little bit, knowing that's all he needed to freak out Double S, who already had huge tears blooming in his eyes. "I swear, if I catch you acting like scared little baby rabbit, then I'm kicking you out of-"

"**_Shut you're face you annoying, diminutive disappointment,_**" said Serenity, in a completely evil voice. Serenity, due to a biological glitch in her genome, feel the need to protect any and all small, cute things from danger, even if it's only from a nauseating boss. "**_I see you enjoy making a small, shy kid cry don't you? Well…what if I was hired by you? Would you want to try to make me cry? Or would you be too scared that I could easily squash your sorry hide like a bug, even if I wasn't wearing platforms? Would you try to make me mad? Are you too scared to hire someone who ISN'T smaller than you?"_**

"Sh-shouldn't we try to stop her before this gets out of hand?" Ryo asked, cowering behind Johney, who was just a smidge taller than Seto, making him really, really tall.

"No, I've always wanted to see Serenity go completely insane and knock the crap off of someone," said Seto. "Of course, I was hoping it would be Joey, but this works. This _defiantly _works."

"Can Serenity beat me up next?" Joey asked Seto excitedly.

---ooo---

"I chose 'Bunny Bashers: Fuzz Attack'!" said Serenity, pointing to a game that looked a little like 'Whack-A-Mole'.

"What?" asked General Fluffa-Pie in anger.

Playing the game was simple. Just pick up the mallet and try to swat as many bunnies that pop up out of the holes as you can in one minute. If you swat the blue bunny, not only do you get a point bonus, a politician breaks its back.

"Alright!" said Serenity, as the little white bunnies started popping up. "DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

"BACK BREAKER!"

BANG!

"DIE!"

BANG!

And so it continued, as Serenity mercilessly bashed the plastic bunnies to oblivion, and gave several members of the House of Representatives, two members of the White House Cabinet, and several various members of Parliament massive back wounds. (A/N YAY!)

"Okay…78,284 points…beat it bunnies!" said Serenity.

_**Ms. Fuzzy-Kins**_

"Darn," Pegasus muttered. "Listen well then! Somehow, I'll get my hands on those platforms, me and my flying fuzzy bunny hoard too! I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"

"She's a plushy cat!" said Serenity. "And her name is Miss Fuzzy-Kins!"

---ooo---

"HEY YOU!" said a voice behind him. Out of slight curiosity, Seto turned around to see the dead man who yelled. No one was there.

Not really caring, he turned around.

"Hello?" the rude voice said again. "Are you deaf, blind, stupid, or all of the above? I'm talking to you pall!"

Seto turned around again. He still couldn't see anyone behind him. He looked right, he looked left, he looked forward again. Now he was finally convinced that all of the terror the lunatic who wrote this book threw him over the edge.

"DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT!" yelled the voice. Seto looked down, only to see the cuddly, cute Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"Oh, I'm nuts," Seto said to himself. "I'm hallucinating that Serenity's stupid doll is talking to me."

"I'm a plush toy, thank you!" said the plush kitty. "Look here smart arse! There are two perfectly good people out there who are about to get wasted, and you can just strut around like an idiot saying 'Oh look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba, I've got no heart! I apparently have no gut either!'"

"What the-" Seto started.

"Do you need me to say it slowly?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. " Yooouuuuu neeeeeeeeed tooooo goooo baaaack aaaaaaand heeeeeeelllp theeeeeeeeeem."

"Look you," Seto said, pointing a very threatening finger at the cuddly plush toy. "You are an inanimate object! You can't think, talk, or yell at me! Now shut up and obey the laws of physics!"

"Make me skinny boy!" said the plushie. "Besides, I am, part time, your conscious!"

"My conscious?" Seto asked.

"Yes, that thing!" said the plush toy. "Believe me, we really had to get the heavy artillery when it came to you!"

"How thrilling," Seto said, turning his back and walking away. However, he saw the plush toy suddenly float in mid air right in front of him.

"There you go defying the laws of physics again!" Seto said angrily.

"So I'm telekinetic, what's your problem?" said the plush toy. "Look pall, I have three reasons that you should go back and help the other two. There's a business reason, personal reason, and a really good reason!"

"I-do-not-care!" Seto syllabled out.

"Okay," said the floating plush toy. "The first reason is because Pegasus won't want smack out of you unless Serenity's alive-"

"Well I'll just risk it," Seto said angrily.

"The second," the plush toy said, drawing out her long, sharp, kitty claws, "Is that I'll knock eighty years of your life expectancy if you don't!"

For a point, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins hooked one set of claws into the front of his shirt, and using the strength of ten plush toys, yanked him to eye level.

"Oh yeah," Seto said sarcastically. "I really sweat you and your stuffing!"

"Really?" the plushie said. "Then let me as you this. If it was your heart back there, would you just walk away?"

Seto was shocked. He gave the plush toy a look so dangerous that it could burn a hole through an oil tanker.

"_How do you know about that?_" he asked darkly.

"I'm a telekinetic plush toy smart one," replied the plush toy. "What's the matter? The truth hurts huh?"

"Alright, alright, alright!" Seto said. "I'll save the loser two! I won't like it, I will loathe them for doing it, but I will! There! Are you happy?"

"It's a start," said the plushie. "Okay, now, we need the ultimate tool to succeed against an evil psycho."

"A fool-proof plan?" Seto asked.

"No! Don't be stupid!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "We need…DRAMATIC BACKROUND MUSIC!"

With that, the plush toy pulled out a huge boom box, and from in, the theme song to "Mission Impossible" blared.

---ooo---

"Yeah!" Serenity said. "Even Ms. Fuzzy-Kins is in the spirit!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins had her uniform on, complete with camo pants, camo shirt, little lace up army boots, and a hat. She looked SOOOOOOOOOO cute!

---ooo---

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins problem at boot camp was very simple. She was a plush toy.

"FUZZY-KINS, YOU WIMPY, WORTHLESS CREATURE!" screamed Bob, who was glaring right into Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's little button eyes. "WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? I CANNOT TOLERATE USELESS SLACKERS THAT ARE MENT TO BREATH MY AIR AND OCCUPY MY TURF!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins stared right back at Bob, not saying a single word.

"ANSWER ME NOW YOU IDIOTIC EXCUSE FOR A….THING!" yelled Bob. Ms. Fuzzy-Kins did absolutely nothing.

"ARE YOU DEFYING ME?" said Bob. "AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GET UGLY?"

Due partially to gravity, partially to karma, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's head slipped down just a little bit, making it look like she was nodding coolly.

"ALRIGHT THEN, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" said Bob. "FIFTY PUSH UPS! **NOW!**"

Gravity/karma kicked in again, and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins fell right down on her plush stomach, not doing a single thing more.

"OH, I SEE!" said Bob. "YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH HUH? YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT HUH? WELL YOU CAN JUST SIT THERE ALL DAY, BECAUSE NO ONE IS COMING TO GET YOU! D'YOU HEARS ME? NO OOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEE!"

Ms. Fuzzy-Kins continued to sit there.

---ooo---

"I am telling you, this is urgent!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins yelled into her cell phone. "My client is currently missing, and worst of all, he's missing with a person he has conducted bodily harm to on numerous occasions…what do you _think_ I need? I need you to get me a replacement to find them! I can't just hunt them down, I'm obligated to help Serenity in anyway I can…THIS _IS_ A #$ EMERGENCY! I need a temp NOW…what do you mean your out? Yes, I know it's with all the elections and everything, but…OH COME ON! Mine is a level eight case, and who knows what the other one is!...Look, at this point I'm desperate! I'll take a ziplock bag with wings if you have one…okay, your right, I'm being crazy but…he's a good kid really, I'm sure he can scrape a level seven…I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE, DON'T YOU GET IT?...I AM ROCK BOTTOM DESPERATE!"

---ooo---

_TO: CMWGAA HQ_

_FROM: A-874-564-1248-Sf.D (Agent Sweater Vest)_

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_I am writing in regard to comment on a certain agent that has been drawn to my attention due to his involvement in my own case in light of recent events. I would like to also use this letter as one of recommendation to this certain agent._

_Due to a sudden shortage of consciences for reasons neither confirmed nor denied at this point, I was forced to 'borrow' him to 'baby sit' my own client due to an unfortunate splitting up of myself and client Seto Kaiba (8C-13-76326, file #2762), whom has been written as a level eight case. While I found it somewhat hard to believe that said agent, 'Agent Sweater Vest' or 'ASV' as he's typically referred to by his peers, he somehow did a good job of not only keeping Seto from what sounds like the right thing, but from killing a bystander named 'Joey Wheeler', which my client has a severe distaste toward, to put it in the most general sense._

_As a Level Eleven case worker, having to resort to measures that sometimes stretch my own talents myself getting said client to do the right thing, much less no kill said bystander, this seems like an accomplishment that deserves ribbons of honor and promotion to the board, much less passing the academy. I highly recommend him to continue his work, and hope he does such. We could use a few more people like him who at least keep trying, unlike some agents who say 'be good' and go home for coffee._

_Keeping this in mind, I must insist that you use the philosophy of 'positive reinforcement' on him instead of drastic discipline. Also, I insist that you keep him in. I refer to him myself as a 'late-bloomer' so to speak. As long as he's passionate, I suppose that's all we need._

_And if any of you think of reincarnating him, I will be forced to bring to the attention of the public of our sudden lack of temps, and also bring in further investigation of why such is happening. Also, I will be forced to post a few members of the BOR's high school yearbook pictures on the internet, as well as in a few small newspaper chains._

_Regards,_

_Genevieve S. Fuzzy-Kins_

_A-263-792-1637-Sf.B_

---ooo---

"Well God, isn't there anything that you're scared off?" Seto said.

"You scare me," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"I mean something that gives you nightmares every night that you see one, makes your skin crawl, and activates the fight-or-flight response in your nervous system?" Seto asked.

"Um…nope, still you," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

---ooo---

Okay, this is getting way to Monty Python for my taste," said Serenity. "Plus, if you haven't noticed, YOU'RE TIED UP TOO!"

"Maybe so," Seto said. "But all of this amusing antics, the real hero of the day had time to re-gear."

Just as Ryo said 'huh?', there was a huge, reloading 'click', Ms. Fuzzy-Kins appeared with the biggest Super Soaker known to man.

---ooo---

"Well this is just peachy," he said to himself.

"I agree. They really should have _some_ sort of ancient weapon they save for the hero. I mean really, haven't these people heard of tradition?"

"MS. FUZZY-KINS!" he screamed, turning around to see her sitting on a rack of CDs. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Well, I was reading Manga with Ryo and Serenity at Borders for a while, but then I got bored, so I decided to come here to see if you got yourself into trouble," she said. "And what do you know? I was right."

---ooo---

"Are you done being stubborn?" asked Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

"NO!" Seto screamed, his face in the dirt, even more beaten up than before.

"Too bad. You're not learning any valuable lesson fast enough, and I'm sick of you not caring that about the fact that you're being mauled by a laptop," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Use the web cam."

"Use the what?" Seto asked.

"The web cam!" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Come on, put it all together."

----ooo---

"Psst, stupid, down here," whispered a voice, and there stood Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, talking to Joey.

"Cool! A magic talkin' cucumber!" said Joey happily.

"I'm not a cucumber you dolt," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Listen, we have to find a way to get out of her and get back to Serenity before things get out of hand. I have a hunch that the next few chapters of this story are going to be on the intense side."

"Do I get three wishes?" Joey asked happily.

"…no…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I'm reminded why I have a moral policy against talking to lower mammals."

"Pie Pie Pie Pie…" Joey sang.

"Talking five minutes with you, and somehow, the idea of being Seto's conscience loses its sting…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "Alright Joey, do you think you can sneak out the door?"

"You wouldn't have any pie, would you?" asked Joey.

"I really need a new job…" said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.

_**Joey**_

Who said that?" he said in frenzied yet stupid panic. "Are you a ghost? Are you invisible? Are you underground? ARE INVISIBLE GHOST UNDERGROUND TALKING TO ME? AHHHH! NO! I DON"T WANT TO DIE! I HEAR DEAD-"

"Hey!" Serenity yelled. "I'm down here!"

The blonde weirdo finally looked down.

"Oh, uh, hi," he said. "Have you seen any invisible, underground ghosts? One's talkin' to me!"

"That was me!" Serenity said. "I'm Serenity. Who are you and what are you doing up there?"

"Uhh…I don't know!" the idiot said.

"You don't know what your name or you don't know what your doing up there?" Serenity asked.

"I dunno anythin'!" said the idiot. "Ya see, I'm Joey, and I've got no brain."

"So you do know who you are!" Serenity said.

"I do?" Joey asked.

"Yes!" Serenity replied.

"Oh, uh, okay," Joey said.

---ooo---

"Did you get it Susie?" Joey asked the bird, and she twittered happily. Everyone held there breathe. They were at the threshold of freedom. The bird had done it! Slowly, ever so slowly-

-the bird pulled out a hamburger.

"YEAH!" Joey yelled, devouring it in one bite.

"Joey…" Serenity said, suppressing pure rage.

"YOU ASKED THE BIRD FOR A FLIPPING, STUPID HAMBURGER?" Seto screamed.

"I was hungry!" Joey said.

---ooo---

"Alright Joey," She said. "Here is your task. These are the Mystic Chests of Empersec. One of these contains a knife, which you can use to instantly snap the ropes that bind you and live a free and happy life. However, the other chest contains a horrible, poisonous adder, which will instantly bite you, ending your life with a lengthy and painful death. Do you understand Joey?"

"No!" Joey said happily.

"Good," said the tree woman. "This riddle has puzzled the wisest trees in our forest, so you must truly posses the wisdom of a thousand millennia to solve it. Which of these chests shall you choose? Will it be this lovely one with a bunny carved on it, or will you choose the gold and silver chest that contains the deadly adder?"

"Oooohhh….shiny…" said Joey, reaching for the gold chest.

---ooo---

"However, I can destroy something and leave a chilling warning foreshadowing the terrible events that are to come!" Pegasus said. With that, he conjured a huge fireball out of absolutely nothing, and then he blasted a hole mere inches from our heroes feet.

"YAY! GIANT DONUTS!" Joey yelled in happiness, jumping into the smoldering crater. However, his pants promptly caught on fire.

"AHHHH!" Joey screamed, rolling around the ground in pain. "THE GIANT DONUTS HAVE REJECTED ME!"

"Wow, that was random," said Pegasus. "FAREWELL!"

---ooo---

"For you information, my name is Ryo Bakura."

"That's a funny name!" Joey said.

"Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."

"Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"

"That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel. "Cheese?"

"YES IT IS!" screamed Joey, soaring through the air and grabbing the cheese from Ryo AKA Your Assailant's hands. He then immediately began gorging on it as if he hadn't had a decent meal in four years, instead of four hours.

---ooo---

"YOU REALLY HAVE NO BRAINS AT ALL, DO YOU ANIMAL BOY?" Bob.

"Radiohead?" Joey asked.

"GOOD BOY!" Bob said. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE IN A LAD, THE BULB COMPLETELY BURNT TO A CRISP, BUT STILL IN THE SOCKET."

"What does that mean?" Joey asked.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT SON," said Bob.

"Oh, good," Joey said. "I thought you were insulting me!"

---ooo---

"What was that?" Bob asked.

"That is the mating call of…THE NORWEGIAN BUTT DUCK!"

"The _what_?" Seto asked.

"The Norwegian Butt Duck!" Joey said. "They are legendary for having a very silky coat of feathers!"

There was absolute silence for a second.

"THAT WAS JUST PLAIN PATHETIC!" Bob cried. "DIE!"

However, just as Bob was about to magically blow Joey up, out of the sky came a huge, brown duck with alligator like jaws. It flew from the sky, and lunged at Bob, bitting him right on the butt. Bob let out a shriek of horror, and ran around screaming in pain.

"Oh yeah!" Joey said. "They're also legendary for being extremely aggressive to people's butts. It's their natural prey!"

---ooo---

"I HATE YOU BOTH!" Seto said. "I hate to say that this is the stupidest thing I've seen on the entire ship, and unless something more ludicrous shows up before I finish saying this sentence, so help me-"

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Joey said, busting open the door to the cabin, walking out wearing a grass skirt, flower chain, and coconut bra. "WHO'S UP FOR HULA?"

---ooo---

"Once upon a time, there were three little cows!" Joey said. "There was a lazy cow, a paranoid cow, and a pink cow. One day, the three little cows all went to the land of incredibly smart people to find some magic beans! However, when they got to the path that led to the village of incredibly smart people, it was right next to the village of simpering idiots! So, the three little cows needed to ask the ugly old man who sat in the fork of the road for dirrectionies. But was he from the village of incredibly smart people or the village of simpering idiots? So the cows thought up a question they could ask the old man…BUT THEN THEY REALIZED THAT COWS CAN'T TALK! So they all walked over a cliff into a pit of boiling lava and turned into hamburgers, and I ate them! THE END!"

Moral of this story:…Uh…

---ooo---

"Have you actually seen this…Evil Thing dismember any of your family?" ASV asked.

"Nope," Joey said. "But one night, my Dad saw this terrible entity when going to of to the bathroom, and when he opened the door, the stench of a thousand horses' behinds filled the room, and the horrible monster was standing right in front of him!"

"Did your father escape?" ASV asked.

"Uh huh," Joey said, "but the scary thing was that was the same night _I _got up to go to the bathroom!"

"Uh…" ASV started.

"But that's not the scariest part!" Joey said. "You see, the day that I left the house on my quest for a brain, the horrible creature left too! So that means that he still wanders this life with cold blood and the urge to hunt me down and dismember me!"

There was silence.

---ooo---

So Joey tried to think of a super cool name to call himself. He tried to think of a ton of cool names, like Blasto Boy, Superly Awesome Man, Super Man Man…

"I'VE GOT IT!" Joey said. "I shall be…BUTT MAN!"

---ooo---

"Oh no!" Joey said. "You people are just…MEAN! That's it! Time to get dangerous!"

With that, using his power to fly as fast as the speed of light, he zoomed off to China, where it was evening at the time, and a little girl was skipping with a jump rope outside of her house.

"Little girl!" Joey said, landing right in front of her. "I need your jumpy ropey thing."

The little girl, not understanding English, started beating Joey up with kick butt karate moves.

"THANK YOU!" Joey said with the jump rope, revealing that four of his teeth got punched out when he smiled.

So with that, he flew back home to the mice people, and still flying at supper speed, spun around them with the jump rope in his hands, quickly tying all three of them up.

"COOL!" he said, looking at the mice that were struggling to get free from the jump rope. "I caught the mice people! But how come I can't help but think that I forgot something…"

---ooo---

"So you didn't play together a lot?" Ryo asked.

"Not really," Wheeler said, almost disdainfully.

"So, what…I mean…how…" Ryo stumbled, trying to find the most polite way to ask how well they knew each other, trying his best not to look like an idiot, but failing that battle.

"OH! I REMEMBER YOU!" Joey screamed. "I used to kick you around, beat you up and steal your lunch money!"

"JOEY!" Serenity cried.

"Oh, you should have seen it Serenity!" Joey said. "It was SO funny! He'd always scream like a girl, and then you shoved pencils up his-"

"This is both amusing and horrifying," Seto said blankly.

"Uh, Joey?" Ryo said to try to stop the conversation, because Wheeler was looking more and more bugged by the second.

"-and back _then_, he always wore these stupid sweaters with little unicorns on them, and he always wore these stupid shorts and knee socks, so we called him Shorty, Girly, McStupidy Fatikin-" Joey continued to rant.

"That's enough trips down memory lane, don't you thing?" said Wheeler in a dead tone, sounding and looking truly livid.

---ooo---

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, running around in circles, being utterly confused, as well as stupid. However, he managed to regain what little sanity coursed through his veins, and tried once again to slam into the door in the front entryway, only to again feel the effects of the slam-proof material.

"I'LL NEVER GET OUT!" he screamed, pounding one of the double-doors with all his might. However, the person right next to him followed the directions of the sign over the door, which said 'pull', and walked out.

"YES!" Joey cried, running out through the space in the door with a mad dash, while the sugar-high Lesser Cuddle Snake managed to smash right through the slam-proof door.

"Hooray! I saved the store!" Joey said happily, as the snake began destroying everything in its wake, as an innocent populous in the mall scattered and screamed at the top of their lungs.

---ooo---

"And what's he doing in the spot where the beautiful maiden's supposed to be?" asked the announcer.

"Joey, how did you get in there?" Serenity asked.

"Literary Impossibility!" said Joey.

"So…the other one's the tiger?" Serenity asked.

"The big kitty?" asked Joey. "Nah, he looked sad, so I let him loose!"

---ooo---

"WAIT!" Joey screamed in horror, pointing to the flowers that lined the road leading up to the city. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE PLANTS ARE? THEY'RE RHODODENDRONS!"

"Joey has miraculously said a word with a grand total of four syllables," said Seto. "This is truly an intellectual leap."

"Don't estimate the meaness of the rhododendrons!" said Joey. "I once stuffed a bunch of rhododendrons in my mouth, and I lost both my arms to a terrible disease!"

"Um…" Ryo said, looking at his arms.

"DON'T BE FOOLED!" said Joey. "These are merely false ones made of meat!"

_**Seto**_

"Get the hell off me you loser!" screamed whatever Joey landed on, shoving him to the other wall with one sharp kick, which sent Joey landing head to the ground, back to the other end of the wall.

"Cool!" he cried. "It's the tooth fairy!"

"You're going to need one if you ever touch me again mutt," said the other prisoner. He was tall, brown haired, and was pretty darn skinny. He slunk to the other end of the cell as far away from the other end of the prison, as far away from the other two as he could possibly go. He put his back to the wall, eyes fixed on the others, not saying a word.

"Uh…" Serenity asked. "Who are you?"

"None of your business, girl," he muttered darkly. "However, since were all about to die, and if you and your dog really need to know, I'm Seto Kaiba, and I have no heart."

"Awesome!" Joey said. "I'm Joey, and I gots no brain!"

"I bet," Seto growled.

---ooo---

"Atomic bomb," Seto said, keeping his fist but keeping his thumb up in the air. "It incinerates rock, paper, and sissors. I win!"

"You twit!" Serenity said. "There's no such thing as atomic bomb in rock-paper-scissors! No one said there is!"

"No one said there isn't either!" Seto said.

"You big fat mean person!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!"

"I'll fight you for one," Seto growled.

"Fine with me!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion.

So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out.

"That's pathetic on so many levels," Seto said, Joey lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh well, I win. I call first watch."

---ooo---

"AAHHHHH!" she screamed. "SETO! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!"

As Serenity was dragged off, Seto mentally regrouped. He made his decision. Then, boldly and heroically, he-

"Oh well," he said, turning around and walking away.

---ooo---

"Ha!" Seto said, pulling it out. "You missed, and you gave me a dangerous weapon! How do you fell now?"

However, Seto got kicked in the stomach, throwing him back into the same tree, causing him to drop the ax, and for Not-Ryo to regain control of it.

"Well," he said, watching Seto flinch in pain as he twirled the Ax of Insanity around, "now that I have my ax back and caught you off guard, quite well. Now it appears that you are unarmed."

"Not quite," Seto said, and from his back, left hand pocket, he pulled out a huge oar, with a fancy, hand-fitting handle.

---ooo---

"Alright," Not-Ryo said, laying his ax-head painfully close to Seto's throat. "Any last words before I hack off your head and turn it into a decorative lawn ornament?"

"Can I have about, say, ninety years to think it over?" Seto asked.

---ooo---

"None of your business," Seto snapped. With that, the lady pulled out a paddle and smacked Seto in the side of the head.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" Seto yelled angrily.

"Back talk," said the woman said, promptly wicking Seto with her paddle again.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Seto yelled again.

"Yelling at me and questioning my authority," said the woman, slamming Seto with her paddle again. "Name?"

"James Oglethorp," said Seto said sarcastically. With that, he was wailed on so hard that he fell to floor in agony.

"Just in case you were wondering, that was for being a smart aleck," said the freakish man lady as Seto managed to crawl back to a standing position. "Now what's your name son?"

"Seto…Kaiba…" Seto managed to chock out. He was clobbered by the paddle again.

"Dare I ask…what that was for…" Seto said, using the desk to pull himself back up.

"I dunno," said the woman. "I just don't like you. Age?"

"Too young to die," Seto said. He got pounded again.

"I'll just assume you're over eighteen," said the lady.

"I'm not," Seto said. He got wailed again.

---ooo---

"YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME BOB!" screamed Seto at the top of his lungs. "YOU WON'T! YOU WON'T! **YOU WON'T! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHH!"**

Ryo and Serenity both stared at Seto in shock.

"Um, sorry," Seto said. "Pent up emotions."

---ooo---

Seto had tears in his eyes from the lyrics as he listened to the pink boom box with cute little flowers on it. He was cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in one arm, and had The DaVinchi Code propped up in his lap in the other.

"You know what?" he said the Ms. Fuzzy Kins. "This one…it's always been my favorite…"

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Serenity, throwing open the flap to the tent and screaming at the top of her lungs, dripping wet and wearing nothing but her towel and platforms.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Seto screamed, for obvious reasons.

"Oh Seto, it was absolutely horrible!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Seto said, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to the other side of the room.

"I was just getting out of the shower, I had put on a towel, and this psycho came out of nowhere and grabbed my ANKLES!" Serenity cried.

"I'm not reading The DaVinchi Code!" Seto said, putting the book under his sleeping bag.

"It was like he wanted to tear off my own feet!" Serenity said. "He was a complete freak, and I kicked him in the ribs to get him off me, and he flew through six straight walls and landed who-knows-where, but it was traumatizing just the same!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO KELLY CLARKSON ON A PINK BOOM BOX WITH PRETTY FLOWERS!" Seto said, tearing up the boom box and hurling it out the exit.

---ooo---

"She said she was mailing Seto's progress report," Serenity said.

"Joy," Seto said. "How am I doing?"

"Well, she said your grade would be a lot better if you stopped beating Joey up so much," Serenity said.

"What do you mean?" Seto said, but at that moment, he turned around and punched Joey in the ribs. Joey was laughing happily as he fell to the ground with a crash.

"Uh…what was that?" Ryo asked.

"His breathing. It annoys me," Seto said.

---ooo---

"Joey! No!" Ryo screamed. "IT COULD BE A LETTER BOMB!"

"Oh please," Seto said.

"No, he's right," Serenity said. "Compared to everything else we've been through, a letter bomb actually seems possible."

"Or it could be just a stupid package," Seto said. "Now stop acting like a bunch of idiots and just open it."

"SETO, DON'T DO IT!" Ryo cried. "IT'S TOO RISKY!"

"Who cares?" Seto said. "I'm way too stubborn to listen to common sense!"

---ooo---

"I didn't say that!" Seto snarled, after hearing Ryo's story.

"Well, it was something like that!" Serenity said.

---ooo---

"Ryo?" Seto asked politely. "May I try on your sweater…please?"

"Whatever," Ryo said darkly. "Finally, I feel like an individual person, not some stupid, crybaby, daisy picking freak!"

"I feel cuddly!" Seto said with the sweater on.

---ooo---

"I don't know any horrible tales," Ryo said.

"I know one," Seto said.

"Argh, tell us, fair lassie," said Dumpling.

"Call me 'lassie' again and I'll tear out your kidneys, drain the fluid, streach out the skin, and make myself a bongo drum," Seto said. "Okay, this is the story of Little Red Ridding Hood-"

Everyone groaned, except Gabbo.

"-the _Seto Kaiba Version_…" Seto said evily.

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER**

"Whoa!" Serenity said in a combination of shock and fear, Ryo cowering behind her with tears in his eyes. "I've never heard it told THAT way before!"

"Serenity, will the villagers ever find Little Red Ridding Hood's remains?" Joey asked.

"_And if only the story teller wasn't such a horror story himself_," Maria said.

"_If I'm a horror story, than that would make you something produced by Hitchcock when he felt in an especially bad mood and his coffee was wearing out_," Seto snapped back. Maria stared at him in shock for actually understanding her.

"_I see now you're at a loss for words,_" Seto taunted. "_I guess you can't take it when someone has the guts to actually shoot back your insults!_"

Maria still said nothing.

"_What's the matter?_" Seto asked. "_Cat got your-_"

WHAM!

Maria nailed him with a well timed punch in the face.

---ooo---

"Seto's pretty tall, skinny, brown hair, blue eyes, probably yelling at something and wearing a trench coat, as will he be probably beating up someone." Serenity said.

"Okay…" Spirit said. "You have some weird friends."

---ooo---

"Ez scyuse me meester," said a random guy with a blowpipe.

"What?" Seto asked, not in the mood for anything but beating up a certain flying temporary conscious with strap on wings and a Morality Hammer. Unfortunately, his mood was not to be improved when the blow piper dude blew into his pipe, and with a little 'foomp', a tiny little dart with a cute little feathery tip buried itself in his neck.

"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" Seto roared, rolling up his sleeve. "I've been trapped on this island, with the person I hate more than anything else, I am currently traveling with a hallucination, I…whoa, I'm feeling really dizzy…."

"What's going on?" ASV cried in distress.

"Ah yez," said the evil blow piper person. "He is currently going through the stages of the veint inducing poison on zee the dart. He'z just gone through unbridled furry, and now eez going through dizziness."

"That's the real-OWW!" said Seto, dizzily running into a palm tree.

"Then you feint?" ASV asked.

"Ho no," said the evil drone. "Zen comes zee feeling of complete hopelessness."

"WAAAAAAAAH!" Seto screamed, sinking to the ground and bursting into tears. "I…I'm such a bad person! MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY VOID!"

"And then you feint?" ASV asked.

"No," said the blow piper. "Zen comes the feeling of extreme giddiness!"

"WEEEEEE!" screamed Seto, bouncing up and down in the sand. "Isn't life just fun? I want to dance! I want to sing! I WANT TO HUG EVERYONE!"

"_Please_ tell me feinting comes next!" ASV begged.

"No, next you spin around in a circle three times and say the name of a random fruit," said the blow piper.

"APRICOT!" Seto said, as he spun in a circle three times, then abruptly fainted.

---ooo---

"YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY?" screamed Seto's voice from the top of the roof. "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I THINK OF YER STINKIN' PLOY!"

"Oh my God!" screamed a couple of random pedestrians, running away as various large appliances were being hurled at them off the roof.

"Seto, for the last time, those weren't mice people!" Ryo cried up to the rooftop. "Please stop screaming on the roof and throwing large, heavy objects at random pedestrians! AND FOR MERCY SAKES, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

---ooo---

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Seto screamed, running into the room, getting on his knees and groveling. "Serenity, you can't leave! THE MICE PEOPLE WILL GET ME! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAH!"

"Very pathetic Seto," Serenity said. "Okay Kami, I should be back soon-"

"PLEASESERENITYIBEGYOU!" Seto screamed.

"Promise to stop crying?" Serenityasked.

Seto nodded pathetically.

"Promise to put your shirt back on?" Serenity asked.

Seto hesitated in answering, but nodded pathetically in the end.

"Fine, okay," Serenity said. "But no freaking out. Got it?"

"No problem!" said Seto. "Now, let me just go find my homemade grenade launcher."

"It's going to be one of those days," Serenity sighed.

---ooo---

"AH! MICE PEOPLE!" Seto screamed, suddenly regaining consciousness.

"Go back to being passed out Seto," Serenity said.

"'Kay," said Seto, fainting again.

---ooo---

"HEY-OW! LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME YOU NERDS!" screamed Seto angrily as he was dragged away to the deepest, darkest corner of Best Buy by the rouge nerds.

"But aren't you a nerd?" a nerd asked.

"NO!" Seto screamed.

"You look like a nerd," said another.

"Yeah, and your ripping out memory cards," said another nerd.

"And you're hanging out at Best Buy," another replied.

"I AM NOT A NERD!" Seto screamed.

---ooo---

"Oh," Seto said in realization, managing to pick himself back up and walk toward the laptop fight scene. The keyboard typed by itself, sending a message across the screen that said 'have you had enough?'

"No, you stupid laptop," said Seto, and with one quick movement, flipped on the web cam.

'What was that for you stupid h-'

But the evil laptop couldn't finish it sentence. Its server completely melted down…thanks to the infamous Seto Kaiba death glare.

---ooo---

"Wow…" said Serenity.

"Shiny…" said Joey.

"It's beautiful…" said Ryo.

"It's tacky, now can we please keep walking instead of basking in idiocy?" asked Seto.

---ooo---

"TAKE ME NOW LORD!" screamed Seto, getting down on his knees.

---ooo---

"Good news," said a guard, coming into the room. "The state found you a defense lawyer for your trial."

"How good is he?" asked Mobster.

"We don't know exactly," said the guard. "He's an utter unknown, but he insisted on coming to defend your case."

"And his name is?" asked Johney.

"HI EVERYONE!" said ASV happily, wearing a blazer over his blue sweater vest, with the strap-on wings on the outside.

"NOW'S THE TIME YOU KNOW!" yelled Seto, screaming up to the heavens.

---ooo---

"Well, uh…" said Double G. "Come on! They may have done some bad stuff, like hack into computers, and bribe, and threaten, and bleed money from taxpayer's dollars, and speed down the road with no regard to-"

Seto picked up a pen and rapidly scribbled on a blank sheet of paper, and held it up, revealing it to say **'WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?'**

"Uh, but really, look at the sad state of our economy!" said Double G. "Think of poor Mr. Roma, who has to work so hard to feed poor Mobster, (A/N Insert sad violin music here) and they have to pay rent? Don't you realize how hard that is? Doesn't the end justify the means? Don't you think if you were a single parent who needed extra money would resort to theft and burglary and bribery and odd hand gestures when referring to the mayor and-"

Seto had written on the back of the same paper **_'WRAP IT UP NOW!'_**

---ooo---

"Speed for the last time you cannot cross the bridge there is no way you will get out alive!" said Trixie from the Helicopter.

"I can't I must somehow win the race if I win the race I may find out the true identity of Racer X and-HOLY CRUD!"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.

"DUDE! I WAS WALKING THERE!" screamed Seto as the car zoomed by. "STUPID CAN'T-USE-THE-SPEED-LIMIT-OR-PUNCTUATION-MARKS-GIRLY-BOY!"

_**Ryo**_

**My Ancient Evil Curse**

(Sing to the tune of 1985)

_I've really had enough_

_My live is just too tough_

_The first thing on my list:_

_My Dad's an archeologist_

_My Mum's a denizen_

_Of (please not heck) heaven_

_My sis jumped on the back_

_Of the Grim Reaper's Cadillac_

_I wished I wasn't alone_

_I wished I had a friend_

_My Dad brought home a pretty ring_

_Then my problems really began_

_A spirit thingy_

_Is now the enemy_

_Looked at my oddball life_

_Nothing, has been, alright_

_Petting my Furbie,_

_Running from my Yami_

_Listening to my Genesis CD_

_I wish I was on Jeopardy_

_My best friends in High School_

_All tell me that I'm uncool_

_Because I have to reverse_

_My ancient Evil Curse_

_To find a way I bet_

_They'll be ideas at in love? NO ICK!  
Who the heck is Marik?_

_I ask my friends, but_

_They don't help out a lot_

_Cause my Yami takes hold_

_And things get really old!  
_

_He'll go and litter, _

_Harass daytime TV,_

_Won't put the seat down_

_And key-scratch peoples SUV._

_He destroyed Pittsburgh_

_He changed my name to Jane_

_And when I get control:_

_Torches_

_Pitchforks_

_I get all the blame._

_Petting my furbie_

_Running from my Yami_

_Listening to my Genesis CD_

_I wish I was on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School_

_They tell me that I'm uncool_

_Because I have to reverse_

_My Ancient Evil_

_I'm frightened_

_Oh, stop please_

_When did my inner psycho get_

_More fans than me?_

_I just want to desist_

_All this bedlam_

_All I have to do is make him_

_Stop_

_STOP_

_**STOP!**_

_So I can._

_Go pet my furbie,_

_Stop running from my Yami_

_Listen to my Genesis CD_

_And someday be on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School_

_Won't tell me that I'm uncool_

_Cause I'll finally reverse_

_My Ancient Evil Curse._

_Go pet my furbie,_

_Stop running from my Yami_

_Listen to my Genesis CD_

_And someday be on Jeopardy_

_My best friends, in High School_

_Won't tell me that I'm uncool_

_Cause I'll finally reverse_

_My Ancient Evil Curse._

---ooo---

"Alright, name?" she said, as Ryo very sincerely put the paddle she lodged into his skull back on her desk.

"R-R-Ryo Bak-k-kura," he managed to say even though he was shuddering like he had never been more cold in his life. "W-what's yours?"

"Katie," the woman said.

"That's a pretty name," Ryo said. He got slammed by her paddle.

"What was that for?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

"Harassment," said the woman.

"Harassment?" Ryo echoed. "All I said was that was a pretty name!"

Ryo got wailed by the paddle again.

"Now then, age?" the woman asked.

"Will you paddle me if I say that I'm under eighteen?" Ryo asked. For that he was paddled again.

"Don't ever suggest to say things that aren't true," said the lady. "Now then, I will rightfully assume your age is over eighteen?"

"I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE PADDLED!" Ryo sobbed in terror. For that, he was smacked with the paddle.

"Yes, you're over eighteen," said the woman. "Here's your uniform. You're bunking wi-"

Ryo began sobbing uncontrollably and running out of the room, slamming open the door and not bothering to close it. Serenity walked up to the desk.

---ooo---

"ALRIGHT YOU WORTHLESS BEASTS OF BURDEN!" said the sergeant. "AS LONG AS YOU ARE IN MY CAMP, YOU MUST NEVER, EVER, EVER QUESTION MY ATHORITY! IN METAPHORICAL TERMS, I AM GOD! I AM THE ONE WHO HOLDS YOUR PATHETIC LIVES! BUT YOU MAY CALL ME….Bob."

"That's a nice name," Ryo said.

"WHO'S THE DEAD FOOL WHO SAID THAT?" Bob asked. Everyone took a step backward, leaving Ryo out in the open.

"What is it with people whenever I try to do something nice?" Ryo asked himself.

"ALRIGHT NEW SQUID," Bob said. "HERE IN THIS BOOT CAMP, WE HAVE A RULE! NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! ALWAYS! SO LET ME GIVE YOU SOME FREE ADVICE! NEVER BE NICE!"

"Thank you!" Ryo said.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAY YOU PUNNY, GIRLY, FILTHY, ROTTEN, STUPID, SMELLY, WORTHLESS, ANNOYING BAG OF MAGGOT'S FILTH?" asked Bob.

"You're bruising my already dangerously low self-esteem!" Ryo sobbed.

"BY THE WAY, GIRLY BOY," said Bob. "WE HAVE A DRESS CODE AROUND HERE, AND I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HAIR! SAY HELLO TO MR. BUZZY!"

"Hello Mr. Buzzy!" Ryo said with a smile. "Who's Mr. Buzzy? Is he a friend of yours? Oh, I'd love to meet him!"

With that, Bob pulled out a huge, hand-held buzz shaver. With that, he pressed a big, red button on its side, and it began to vibrate and make a very loud, very threatening buzzing sound.

"HOLD ABSOLUTLY STILL!" he said, "IF YOU DO, YOU MAY COME OUT OF THIS CREW CUT ALIVE!"

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ryo screamed, running away from Bob and the rest of the line. So began the very long and very painful training of our heroes.

---ooo--

"HA! THOSE FIRST THREE ANTICS WERE JUST WARM UPS!" Ryo cried triumphantly. "AT LAST! NOW, I CAN TRULY COMMIT THE HANOUS AND CRIMINAL ACTS I HAVE BEEN PLANNING!"

Seto and Joey looked on in shock, almost horror, on how completely evil Ryo sounded.

"You don't think that's…your assailant, do you?" Joey asked.

"Joey, you don't think period," Seto said. "But…it's possible."

"AND NOW, USING THE POWER OF THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, I WILL TRAP INNOCENT SOULS FOREVER IN THE NEVERENDING SPIRAL OF FALSE HOPE THAT THEY CAN BEAT ME!" Ryo said, logging onto the web. "AH YES! THE GAME OF DRAGONS! THE GAME OF DEATH! THE GAME THAT WRENCHES THE HUMAN SOUL STRAIGHT FROM THEIR HUSKED CARCASSES!"

Both Seto and Joey held their breath in shock.

"THE GAME…OF...**_INTERNET CANDY LAND!_**"

---ooo---

"You baked a muffin army?" Serenity screamed.

"Yes!" Ryo said. "I used them to fight the evil monsters that lurked in the hallway and waited until the middle of the night when you went up to go to the bathroom to eat you alive!"

"Why did you make them now?" Seto asked. "How did you know?"

"Seto, why does the sun rise in the east and sink in the west?" Ryo asked. "Why do birdies always fly south when it gets cold, and north when it gets hot? Why does the rose have colors so lovely, and a scent so fair?"

"Earth rotating on its axis, instinct, and to attract insects to pollinate them so they don't die sad, miserable flower deaths without giving anything to the world," Seto said.

"Wow! That answers all the questions to my science paper!" Ryo said, writing all of them down on a paper in his hand. "And now my cavalry of carbohydrates, ATTACK!"

---ooo---

"How can they do that?" Ryo asked.

"Do what?" Seto asked.

"How come whenever a bartender flings drinks down a counter, they always stop in front of the exact person they're ordered for?" Ryo asked, beginning to drink out of the straw.

"Years of experience, mystical bartender magic, and tiny magnets," Seto said.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

With that, Ryo continued to drink happily through the straw of his strawberry milkshake. For about a minute, Seto just watched him.

"You really are gullible, you know that Ryo?" he said at last.

"Wow! I didn't know that!" Ryo said. "Thanks Seto!"

---ooo---

"Oh, no thank you," Ryo said. "I have a very strict policy against drinking any kind of beverage that…smokes-"

"_Drink_," Snake ordered, taking out a gun and jamming the barrel right in the back of Ryo's throat.

"Bottom's up than!" Ryo said, taking a straw out of his milk shake and sticking it into the exploding beverage. Very gingerly and slowly, he took a very small sip.

"Huh," he said. "You know, once you get past the bitterly alcoholic taste, it's actually not that b-"

BOOM!

With that, Ryo suddenly shot like a rocket up through the roof, causing several wooden boards to fall down to the floor all over the counter.

---ooo---

"Wow…" Ryo murmered dreamily. "I must have died and gone to heaven."

Then, he saw who caught him.

"OH MY BLOODY LORD! SETO'S HERE!" he cried. "Then…then that means…"

Three second realization silence. Then Ryo burst into tears. And Seto dropped him.

---ooo---

"Tea's ready!" said Johney, carrying a tray with seven full cups of tea.

"Whatever," said Seto reaching for a cup.

"MY TEA!" screamed Ryo, jumping over the table, kicking Seto in the face, and landing right in front of Johney, snatching a cup right off the tray that Seto was reaching for.

"Pain…" Seto gasped from under the table.

---ooo---

"WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH A COWARD?" Ryo screamed. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

With that, in sheer Ryo anger, Ryo pounded his fist on the guard rail around the ship, and smacked it clear in half. In fact, a huge crack ran right down the ship, chopping it in two halves, and causing it to sink.

"I'm going to have to ask you not to do that again," Serenity said.

"Sorry," Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Oh, I got it!" said Joey. "You gots white skin…and white hair…you're kinda skiney…you look just like a ghost…WE'LL CALL YOU SHEET BOY!"

"Can't I just be called Ryo?" Ryo asked.

"Nope," Joey said.

"Well, why not?" Ryo asked.

"Cuz," Joey said.

"Okay…" Ryo said. "Well, as much as I find the term 'sheet man' very creative, it's not really fear instilling. I mean, it doesn't really seem…heroic. How about GHOST BOY!"

"Naw, that's stupid!" Joey said. "Let's call you Ghost Boy!"

"OKAY!" Ryo said cheerfully.

---ooo---

"Uh, we just thought that…" Ryo said, trying to think up a good excuse. "Well, we thought it…was someone's funeral, so we got all dressed up, and…Joey worked out…a lot…and then, well, no one appears to be dead, so-"

Suddenly, a very beaten-up Seto slammed opened the door, flinching and shivering in pain, both eyes blacked out.

"I stand corrected," Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Don't worry," Ryo said heroically, pulling out a plastic spork with a bunch of silver glitter on it. "I posses the power of…THE SILVER SPORK OF POLITE INTERVENTION!"

"Huh?" the mice people asked.

"Excuse me," said Ryo sweetly, walking up to the head mouse person, "but I think that it would be in everyone's best interest if you stopped being mean and stealing stuff. Maybe we can talk this over with a nice cup of hot chocolate…maybe a banana muffin drizzled with white choco-"

BAM!

The mouse person punched him, send Ryo flying off the roof, screaming as he fell down.

---ooo---

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS SEE THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY?" Ryo screamed.

---ooo---

"'Queen of the Occult'?" Serenity said. "Oh, yeah right. In the risk of sounding like Seto, I'm saying 'like a book on the three for two rack can possibly surface just because we read a page of it'."

"Then in the risk of sounding like Joey, I'm going to say 'BUT IT COULD DESTROY US TOOTH FAIRY! PENGUIN!'" Ryo replied.

---ooo---

"Oh geez!" Serenity cried. "Joey's heading toward a federal jail, and Seto's heading to some remote torture chamber! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"

"What can anyone do…BUT SING?" Ryo cried.

"Huh?" Serenity asked.

"HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER, HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IH-HI-IN-" Ryo sang into a microphone that appeared out of nowhere, with the rest of Crowded House playing behind him.

---ooo---

"RYO! THE TOOTH FAIRY SAYS HE WON'T TAKE WATCH FOR YOU!" Joey called.

"BLOODY SLAUGHTER!" screamed Ryo in his sleep, this time with a real axe.

"OKAY! OKAY!" Seto said, not wanting to be cut into tiny little meat strips.

"Kay, night Mommy," Ryo muttered, falling back down to sleep again.

---ooo---

"Ryo," said a voice from bellow the surface of the pond, as a huge, green tentacle sprouted up, "all of the mutated marine animals in all local bodies of water, including myself, have searched everywhere in the water, and we couldn't find any trace of Seto Kaiba. Sorry man."

"Oh no, it's alright," said Ryo, pulling out a huge bucket of fish guts. "Have some good quality chum!"

"Yay!" said all the mutated animals, as a feeding frenzy brewed from where Ryo dumped in the chum. "Thank you Ryo!"

"Don't mention it!" Ryo cried. "That means when we find Seto, there'll be a good chance that he hasn't mutated!"

---ooo---

"Alright Ryu Barabus!" said the guard, as Ryo was standing in front of a gallows, hands tied behind his back. "Any last words before we tie a nylon chord around your neck and hang you until you are dead?"

"Well…what can I say really?" said Ryo. "What can I say to express my great feeling of sadness by the fact that our society's justice system is based on both revenge and hypocrisy, that the only way we feel just punishment for killing a man is by killing another, and-"

"Time's up," said the guard, shoving Ryo up the stairs, as a crowd of cheering onlookers watched as Ryo was put up to the gallows, and a noose lashed around his neck.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to nylon," said Ryo to the executioner with a black mask over his head. "Do you think you can get me just a normal rope?"

The executioner gave him a look.

"Okay, but if I have a reaction, I hope the medical team knows what to do!" said Ryo.

---ooo---

"Well, I don't know how coffee tastes, so I assume if I have just a smidge of it in a cup of cream, then I'll be able to see if I like it or not!" said Ryo, pouring a smidge of coffee into the half cup of cream, turning it successfully from milky white to tan.

"Wonderful," said Seto sarcastically (what's new?) and sipping his cup of coffee. "Oh _God_, this stuff is the blandest thing I've ever tasted!"

"AAAAAAAH!" screamed Ryo, falling backwards after sipping his.

"What the heck is this anyway?" Seto asked. "Hot water with brown dirt in it?"

"MY HEART RATES SURGING!" screamed Ryo in pain.

"Honestly, this stuff is so bad, I should sue," said Seto.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY EYELIDS!" screamed Ryo, trying to regain control of his nervous system so he could push himself to a standing position.

"My god, I am going straight to that vertically challenged twit they call the manager, and give him a good piece of my mind!" said Seto, chucking his cup in the garbage can, as Ryo, shuddering uncontrollably, walked dizzily in his direction. "Oh God Ryo, I think that even _you _would consider that-"

"CAFFEINE HIGH!" screamed Ryo, clocking Seto with a paddle that magically appeared out of nowhere, then screamed like a lunatic and ran outside into the street.

---ooo---

"But how? Who do I call up to help pull off the whole insanity thing into perspective?" asked ASV.

"Who indeed…" said Ryo thoughtfully.

_**Everyone Else**_

"Serenity," her mom said, "life is like a great, big, inside-out sweater."

"That's it," Serenity said. "Stay here Mom. I need to look up the Aromatheripst's number."

"Bear with me, okay?" her Mom said. "Now, when we flip this sweater inside out, we get a disgusting mess of string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mothballs, moths, worms, and strange, alien objects that I don't want to describe! You get what I'm saying?"

Serenity nodded, hoping that if she would, her mother would be quiet and not try to attach metaphors to various garments.

"Let's have a look!" her Mom sad, promptly shoving her hand into the sweater, grabbing the neck, and tugged it until it was inside out. Indeed, there as string, lint, body filth, dirt, sweat, mo-

"Alright! We get it!" Serenity yelled at me and my very lovely description of the inside-out sweater.

"Who are you talking to dear?" her mother asked.

"No one," she said quickly.

"Alright then!" her Mom said. "Well, life' just like it! Life is completely confusing, weird, unsanitary, and overall disgusting. And no matter how much we try, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!"

"Oh, thanks Mom," Serenity said. "I feel soooo much better."

"Well," he mom said, reaching back into the sweater and flipping it to being right side in again, "when we look at the other end of the sweater, everything makes sense, and there aren't any lose strings or lint or filth anywhere! The point is that life is really confusing, one would even go as far as saying completely messed up. To understand it, we just have to look at the other side of the sweater."

"Wow Mom," Serenity said. "That was almost completely and utterly confusing, but it sure was deep. Thanks."

---ooo---

"What was that?" Serenity cried.

"Oh, it's okay," said Mai. "Those are the Munchkins. They're just acting stupid. You see, only bad witches are ugly. I am Mai Valentine, The Good Witch of the North, North-east, and I still want to know if you're good or not."

"I try," said Serenity.

"Is that the witch?" Mai said, pointing to the kitten plushie.

"That's a stuffed animal," Serenity said severely

---ooo---

"Sorry Peggy," said Mai. "Serenity gets the platforms, you get _nada._"

"No big deal," said Pegasus. "I'll just blast her to bits here and now and take the darn things!"

"You powers don't work her, remember?" said Mai. "All the cable signals screw it up."

"CURSE YOU TIME WARNER DIGITAL CABLE!" screamed Pegasus. "Fine! I'll just command my army of flying, fuzzy bunnies to take care of her good and quick!"

"They're at a baptism!" said Mai. "Jeez! Even I know that!"

---ooo---

"Now Joey, I haven't had the fun of torturing people for the last three-to-five thousand years," said Not-Ryo with a grimly eager voice. "Do you have any friends/acquaintances/family members/people or items of personal value/travel companions I can DESTROY?"

"Just Serenity and the tooth fairy," said Joey, beginning to chow down on the tree cheese.

Not-Ryo looked puzzled for a moment. As Joey continued to feed, he pulled out a pocket Dora the Explorer date book. He flipped through a couple pages that were scrawled over in ancient text. He came upon a particular page and read it through.

"Well _that's_ weird," he said. "I thought I killed the tooth fairy off in 2084 BCE. Must be a mess up…oh well, this Serenity sounds like a piece of cake."

"Cake?" Joey asked hopefully. "Why?"

With that, Not-Ryo pulled out a pocked dictionary from his jeans. He also pulled out a pair of very distinguished reading glasses. He slid them on, and after flipping through a few pages, he stopped at one, cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Serenity, noun," he said. "Calmness of mind; even of temper; coolness; undisturbed state; composure."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"I'll be right back Joey," Not-Ryo said, throwing the book and reading glasses aside. "I'm about to mercilessly kidnap your friend. I'll only be a few."

"Bye Your Assailant!" Joey said continuing to eat his cheese.

---ooo---

"THOSE AREN'T BUTT SCRATCHERS YOU FOOLISH FOOL!" said Bob. "THOSE ARE MY PERSONAL COLLECTION OF WEAPONS OF WAR! I CALL THIS ONE…_THE POINTY THING! _AND THAT ONE'S THE SHARPY SWINGING THING! AND THIS IS THE POINTY SHARPY SWINGY THINGY! AND THAT ONE…I JUST CALL…Serefina. JOEY YOU IDIOT, PUT THAT DOWN!"

"AWESOME!" Joey said, with a huge ax in his hands that he pulled off the display. "I'm a lumberjack! TIMBER!"

With that, Joey swung the ax wildly around and, by accident, let it swing out of his control and hack Bob's desk in half, sending a bunch of papers, along with his custom Beanie Baby collection, spraying all over the place.

"Son, go home…" said Bob.

---ooo---

"What's wrong with you?" Paula screamed. "Can't you ever just be nice to people? One complement? One reason for people to believe you're not a robot pre-made to crush people's spirits?"

"I'm a lot better off than you!" Simon said. "At least I don't act like a cutsie bubble head. I bet if a person came in and threatened to kidnap you, you would just smile and complement him on his aggressive entertainment."

"I HATE YOU SIMON!" she screamed.

"I HATE YOU MORE!" Simon screamed back.

There was three seconds of silence.

"I LOVE YOU!" Paula screamed.

"NOT AS MUCH AS I, YOU!" screamed Simon, passionately embrace Paula.

---ooo---

"Halright," said Snake. "I choose mah six shot revolver, which is…uh…what's one less than six?"

"Five," Serenity said.

"Five more shot's than I need!" said Snake.

"Fine!" Serenity said. "So, uh, when do we start this fight?"

"I dunno…whenever…just say the word…" said Snake.

"Okay…could someone count to three?" Serenity asked.

"I…can't count…" Snake said.

"Fine. Let's just go," Serenity said.

---ooo---

So with that, Seto tore off the wrapper to the package, turned it upside down, and dumped the contents into his hand. He looked at it, and it turned out to be a very small package of-

"Spam?" he asked.

"SPAM!" screamed six voices around him, and then, out of nowhere, Terry Jones, Graham Chaplain, John Cleese, Terry Gillam, Eric Idle, and Michel Palin all jumped out of an abandoned alley, quickly surrounding our heroes.

"This ambush was brought to you by SPAM!" screamed Terry.

"Spam spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam…" the others sang.

---ooo---

"Well, lay it on me," Tea said, pulling out a cigarette box from her desk drawer. "Want a stick?"

"No thank you," Ryo said. "I don't smoke."

"Neither do I," Tea said, snapping open the case. "These are peppermint sticks."

"Oh, well, in that case," Ryo said, taking one, as did Serenity.

"Want one Seto?" Ryo asked.

"No way," Seto said. "Sugar poisons the mind as well as the body."

"CANDY!" Joey yelled, grabbing the entire cigarette box with his mouth, including part of Tea's hand. Using the automatic sorting devices in his mouth, he sucked out all the candy, spitting out Tea's hand. With that, he licked the rest of her arm with one huge lick like a dog, and went all the way up her side, up to her head, completely messing up her hair and covering her in drool.

"I rest my case," Seto said, as Joey belched out the cigarette case.

---ooo---

"Look, we had a deal, remember? That thousand dollars you _found?"_ She said. Then she realized just who she was facing.

"You aren't the police are you?" she asked, sweat dropping.

"We aren't as long as you aren't a mob leader!" Ryo said uneasily.

"HOLY CRUD! A BRITISH PERSON!" she screamed in delight, hearing his accent. She then leaped right in the air and did a twirling kick into Joey, who had the misfortune of standing in front of Ryo. This caused Joey to soar backwards across the thruway, getting himself buried in the wall of an opposite building.

"Mmmm, British person!" the freaky twelve year old said, grabbing Ryo in a bone crushing bear hug.

"Can't…feel…lungs…ribs…cracking…" Ryo said in a great deal of pain.

"I don't know who you are," Seto said, "but if you karate kicked Joey into a brick wall and strangle Ryo, you are defiantly on my good side."

"AAAAAHHHH! MOB LEADER!" screamed the weirdo tween, letting go of Ryo long enough to jump in mid-air and do another karate kick which sent Seto flying into the same building that Joey got floored into.

---ooo---

"WHO DARE DISTURBS JOHNEY ROMA?" a frighteningly evil voice said from behind the door to the dinning room, and with a huge lunge, the door fell down to reveal the head of the mob.

He was quite tall, and he wore a huge, wide brimmed hat and a blazer. He had a very fake Italian/New Yorker accent, and his hazel eyes blazed behind his sunglasses. He was also wearing bunny slippers and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook', as well as a chief's hat.

"YOU KNOW I HATE TO BE DISTURBED WHEN I'M BAKING SCONES AND BREWING A FRESS POT OF TEA!" said Johney Roma. "And don't tell me you're holding _another_ British person hostage."

---ooo---

"Ha! You're too late Fan Girl!" said Ted. "We're going to kill everyone on this bus, and there's nothing one little girl like you can do to stop us!"

"Never underestimate the power of little girls!" said Fan Girl "Why, just five seconds ago, you were cowering in the fear of a twelve year old in a violin. BUT NO MATTER! It will now be my duty to kick the crud out of your basher butts!"

"And how to you plan to do that?" Marcus said challengingly.

"ASSEMBLE MY YU-GI-OH FAN ARMY!" screamed Fan Girl heroically.

"TEA FAN!" said another super hero girl, breaking another window, with pink instead of purple, and a huge heart around 'Tea Gardner/ Anzu Masaki'.

"JOEY FAN!" screamed another girl after another window crash, her outfit in green, and huge heart around 'Joey Wheeler/ Katsuya Jonouchi'.

There was a small pause, as if waiting for something to happen.

"Have any of you seen Manda?" Tea Fan asked the others.

"YEEE! YOU'RE SO CUTE!" screamed a girl in blue, hugging Seto.

"MANDA!" Fan Girl screamed. "GET OVER HERE!"

"But can't I just-" Seto Fan started.

"NO!" the other three screamed.

Seto Fan muttered darkly to herself, walking to the other three.

---ooo---

"The Dark Lord Chuckles, as you have seen from our previous presentation, is originally not from this time period!" said Kayla. "He originally comes from the dark ages, and is fighting a long war against a group of Barbarians who continue to kick his butt due to sheer, blind luck! However, using his mystical amulet, he traveled to the future where vast amounts of technological know how would be at his fingertips!"

Suddenly for effect, the mystical amulet of Hotswinborg appeared on the screen, followed by a little picture of Chuckles in a lab coat.

"Once he figures out how to switch peoples personalities, he plans to kidnap all of histories greatest fighters, and switch their personalities with pre-made personalities!"

"PRE-MADE PERSONALITIES?" Ryo cried in shock.

"Yes, pre-made personalities!" Kayla said with a big smile. "He will use his pre-made personality, of PMP, and implant them into the fighters, turning them into brainwashed pawns, which he shall use to conquer the ancient world, and forever rule as supreme dictator, crushing the barbarians under his fierce might!"

"But what are you going to do with us?" Ryo asked.

"Very good question Ryo!" Kayla said, flashing him a big smile.

"Wait, how did-" Ryo began.

"The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy plans to torture you, and when he gets bored with you, stuff you're bodies and turn them into trophies!" Kayla said. "He knows a wonderful taxidermist from somewhere called the Bates Motel!"

"I hope you know I plan to have a glazed ham for supper tonight," Serenity said dangerously.

"Shut up in front!" Kayla said happily.

---ooo---

"ARGH!" Captain Dumpling said, snatching the twenty out of Seto's hand. "The breeze is in the sails! The tide is at its highest! I've got fat pockets! MY CREW! WE NOW SET SAIL!"

"Uh, crew?" Serenity asked.

With that, Dumpling blew a long whistle through two fingers, and a small band of completely pathetic pirates assembled around the four, each one looking more of a misfit than the other.

"Allow me to introduce mah ghastly pirate crew!" said dumpling. "First, John the Irritable!"

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT PUNK?" screamed the incredibly burly, completely bald pirate with a striped bandana around his head and one two many body piercings and tattoos for this psycho authoresses taste, punching Seto in the face for no good reason.

"Looks like you're going to be fast friends," Serenity said, with a hint of panic in her voice.

"This be Maria the Spaniard!" said Dumpling, indicating a short woman with tanned skin, thick, dark hair, and huge brown eyes.

"Hola senor," she said, shaking Ryo's hand. "Como esta?"

"Em, I don't speak Spanish…" Ryo said, "How do you say it? No hablo Espanol?"

"_Ah, that is a good thing sir, because you are the most pathetic excuse for a man I have ever seen, and I want to insult you without having the inconvience of killing you when you try a pathetic attempt at putting up a fight,_" said Maria.

"I don't know what she said, but she sounds nice," Ryo said cheerfully.

"That's Richard the Drama Queen!" said Dumpling, pointing to a pirate who was very trimmed up and looking like a wandering actor more than a bloodthirsty pirate.

"Oh, I can't imagine why you wanted to join us upon the great cloak of blue!" he said, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead. "It's so cold, when it rains it pour, and culture and intelligence aren't worth a drop of pain and consideration!"

"Oh, shut up Richard," a blond haired female pirate said, sitting on a rum barrel, absentmindedly tossing an incredibly dangerous looking dagger around.

"That be Nancy the Wise Cracker," said Dumpling.

"An' I'm also Nancy the Much More Good Lookin' Than You Scurvy Lot," she mussed.

"Joy, more friends for Seto," Serenity said.

"And last, and quite possibly least, Gabbo, the Doesn't Talk At All!" Dumpling said.

A quiet little creature in a long black cloak sat all by himself in the side of the back of another ale casket, not saying a word, small traces of incredibly large blue eyes the only thing showing beneath the hood that covered his face.

"Well hey there little mate!" Ryo said sweetly. "Is it true you can't talk?"

Gabbo said nothing.

"Thought so…" Ryo said.

---ooo---

"Did you say rock bottom desperate?" said Gabbo, who was standing dramatically in the doorway.

"Huh?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"Well, by all luck, I happened to be a conscious and I am happy to help you for absolutely nothing!" said Gabbo.

"And you are?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins asked.

"BEHOLD!" screamed Gabbo dramatically, tearing off his cloak, revealing himself to look just like Seto, only about twelve wearing a blue sweater vest, yellow dress shirt, and dark gray pants (and strap on wings). "I am, _AGENT SWEATER VEST!_"

"Oh criminey," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. "I thought I got rid of you when I left the academy. So what have you been doing since you graduated?"

"Em…well, I haven't actually…graduated yet," Agent Sweater Vest said.

"You've been in school for the past two hundred years?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said.

"196! 196!" he said defensively. "Everyone thinks they can just round up!"

---ooo---

"My, you really need to just walk on by pirate ships," said Spirit. "Anyway, you want me to ferry you to the Island of Extreme Personal Discomfort to find your friends?"

"Yeah," Serenity said. "That's it."

"Sorry, can't help you," said Spirit, drinking a glass of V8.

"WHAT?" Serenity asked.

"But our two friends are stuck on an abandoned island maybe!" said Ryo. "If we don't find them, they'll kill each other!"

"Sorry," she said again. "After my battle for my life trying to make it to that island, I've been deaf in one ear!"

"Oh," Serenity said. "I'm terribly sorry-"

"-and I have this awful ankle cramp!" she cried.

"Um, well-" Ryo said.

"AND MY VACUME CLEANER WON'T STOP CLOGGING!" screamed Spirit.

"OKAY!" Serenity cried. "But this is important.

"They're two young, innocent (ish) men in their prime, with their whole lives ahead of them!" Ryo cried. "One of them is a dumb blonde on a desperate quest for a brain, and the other is a emotionally disturbed person who's searching for his heart-"

"Oh man," said Spirit. "That's really breakin' my heart kid. 'On a search for his heart'? That's… so poetic…hang on. Did you say there was a blonde there?"

"Um, yes," Serenity said.

"A one hundred percent blonde? Not a dishwater or anything like that? No die?" Spirit asked.

"Uh…I guess…" said Ryo. "But I'm not sure about the die part."

"THIS I GOTTA SEE!" she said. "I'm starting to think they don't exist outside of Hollywood! You got a ferry guys!"

---ooo---

"I am Mizz Fantasia!" said the peppy woman. "And ziz is my monkey assistant, Baboo!"

"I hate my life," Baboo said.

"Huh, maybe this is a dream," Seto said hopefully.

"SMILES EVERYONE, SMILES!" said the woman enthusiastically/hysterically. "You have arrived on my own fantasy island! And because of that, you are all eligible for one wish!"

"AWESOMEIWISHFORAPINKPONY!" Joey screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No no my stupid friend!" said Mizz Fantasia. "To receive my wish, you must do what Baboo sayz!"

"You have to cross the stupid island," Baboo said.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia. "But what elze must zey do?"

"Blow the stupid whistle when you get there," muttered Baboo.

"Very good Baboo!" said Mizz Fantasia, patting him on the head. "If you survive, ahem, make it to zee the other end of the island, you shall one free wish!"

"This is awesome!" ASV said. "We can wish for a way off the island, and you guys can get back home!"

"Very good my hallucinatory friend!" said Mizz Fantasia.

"FOR THE LAST FLIPPING TIME, I AM NOT A HALLUCINATION!"ASV screamed.

---ooo---

Oh! I see! That's just what I expected to hear from you!" said the angry evil person, dropping the fake accent. "Oh _everyone _knows Seto Kaiba and _everyone _knows Joey Wheeler! But no one knows or cares about me!"

"I don't get it," Joey said.

"I AM TRISTAN TAYLOR!" screamed Tristan at the top of his lungs. "TRISTAN TAYLOR! God, what's wrong with this world? Any heartless jerk or blond street punk who can duel just shows up, and BAM! He has a gazillion fan girls, a trillion fan sites, AND HIS OWN TINS SOLD AT WALMART AND TARGET THAT MIRROR HIS DECK! AND WHAT DO I GET? NOTHING! NOTHING! NOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIIING!"

"My heart bleeds for you," Seto said.

"SHUT UP!" said Tristan, throwing the dodge ball aimed at Seto's face, successfully hitting its target.

---ooo---

"PRETTY COLORED RAINBOWS, ATTACK!" screamed the magical girl, pointing her stick at the mice people. The stick then shot out a bunch of huge, shining rainbows that surrounded the evil mice people, whipping them, strangling them, and overall beating them up to a pulp.

"YAAAAAAAAAARG!" all the mice screamed in pain.

"Do you surrender?" Lady Light asked sweetly.

"YES, YE-AAAAAAAAAA, YES ALREADY!" screamed the mousy leader.

"GOOD!" said Lady Light, and the rainbows got sucked back into her magical wand. "Now go and be good evil mice people. 'Kay?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" all the mice people screamed as they ran away as fast at their paws could take them.

---ooo---

"Okay, so I suppose we're going to need to look at the map," said Seto, looking at the huge map in the middle of the hall that showed where all the store were. "Okay…golf product stores, no…hedge and shrubbery providers, no…a here we go information! Located…'Right next to you, you simpering twit'."

"Hello old boy," said the most horrifically frightening our heroes have seen yet. There was standing a person who looked exactly like Joey, except he had a monocle, white gloves, a white shirt and overcoat, and a very nice looking top hat and cane, sipping a small cup of tea. Ryo was absolutely confused, looking at both this mysterious person and Joey over and over again, having not a heck of a clue what was going on.

"It's quite a pleasure to meet you all," said the weird person. "My name is Wheeler Joseph, and I am the soul provider of information in this facility!"

---ooo---

"OH MY GOD! WE HIRED A YELLOW RAT?" screamed Mr. Jim, Pikachu not flinching (he was used to it by now).

"Technically, he's more closely related to the pika, a small rodent that is native to China and many parts of the Rocky Mountains sir," said Mr. X in a hallow, dead kind of voice.

"HE'S A BLOODY RAT!" screamed Mr. Jim. "Jeez! In MY day, we didn't just hire up some mangy old rat we found lying off the street. OH NO! You know what we hired X?"

"Potatoes sir?" said Mr. X, used to this speech before.

"Yes, potatoes!" said Mr. Jim, picking up a photograph on his desk where a son or daughter should be, looking fondly at the image of him with his arm slung around a guy with a potato for a head. "Ah! Those were the days! When you were working with a potato, you NEVER lost a man! NEVER! Oh, right there's Rob. God, what a man with a potato for a head! He was the best! He could take a hit! He could track down the man you wanted. He _knew_ where the cappuccino machine was. And boy, don't get me started on how awesome the _rutabagas_ were-"

"Sir, he says he has important information on the whereabouts of the most dangerous, most psychotic, and most hot albino criminal in the Western world sir," said Mr. X.

"NO WAY!" screamed Mr. Jim.

"It is rather shocking sir," said Mr. X.

"How do you know he said that?" Mr. Jim said. "The filthy rat didn't say a single word!"

"I just know these things when it comes to small, cuddly animals sir," said Mr. X. "I'm a bit of a 'Bambi' buff."

"Whatever, who's this shmoe again?" asked Mr. Jim.

"Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X.

Insert dramatic 'BUM BUM BUM' here.

"RYU BARABUS?" screamed Mr. Jim. "OH MY GOD! We have now time to lose! We have to surround everyone, everywhere, with everything we got. Do you hear me? EVERYTHING! Bombs, nuclear missiles, heat sensor death rays, egg beaters, WASHER/DRYERS-"

"Pi Pikachu!" said Pikachu.

"He says that he's pinpointed the location of Ryu Barabus sir," said Mr. X. "He requests both money and resources to hunt down the delinquent.

"Yeah, sure, but we should scramble the Washer/Dryers anyway!" said Mr. Jim.

"Right away sir," said Mr. X.

"Oh yeah, and give the little rat thing his pick of special agents," said Mr. Jim. "Oh, and dress up in that pretty ballerina costume and do that amusing little dance that always makes me happy."

"Okay sir," said Mr. X, who for some reason as well as methods unknown to the authoress, was suddenly dressed in a tutu.

---ooo---

"Before we get into any details, allow me to introduce myself!" said the doctor almost heroically, flexing his biceps so much that his sleeves completely tore off. "I am…DOCTOR ROB!"

"But your name tag says Doctor Klaus Freudler," said Serenity, pointing to his name tag.

"LIES!" screamed the doctor, covering up his name tag.

"Okay, I'm going on a wild guess by assuming that you were the only person in the entire hospital who was stupid and/or new enough to be tricked into taking care of Seto," said Serenity.

"In a word, yes," said Doctor Rob. "On that subject matter, I have what some would call…bad news."

"Oh no," Serenity said. "By some random twist of fate, he thinks he's Tom Jones now, doesn't he?"

"In a word, no, despite what we were hoping," said Doctor Rob. "However, we can kick him out, ahem, I mean release him as early as tomorrow."

"Knowing nothing in this story has been easy so far, I'm going to wait for the other shoe to drop," said Serenity.

"There's one thing…" the doctor said uneasily, "your friend Sally-"

"Seto," Serenity said.

"-Jennifer seems to be a bit…on the stubborn side," said Doctor Rob.

"The shoe landed right on my face, the spike heel gorging my eyes, the flat end breaking my nose," said Serenity.

"Anyway, as all of us doctors know, medication is half of our work, half of the patients will to take it, and half of it is if the biggest, fattest powderpuff pixie smiles, and fortune will finally lift the horrible plague upon our houses!"

"…yeah…" Serenity said.

"So, basically, there's no hope! YAY!" said the doctor. "Oh boy! Am I glad I transferred to Cornell University from Joey Joes school for good-for-nothing mindless lunatics! I'M AN IDIOT! WHEEEEEEEEEE!"

As the Doctor started bouncing off, Serenity made a solemn vow never to get sick again, and if she did, she would visit a local witch doctor instead of a med school graduate.

Boy, has Cornell been going downhill lately.

---ooo---

"Hi there!" said a female form of Seto, complete with Mai's figure and huge, girly blue eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Shel screamed in horror.

"My names Seta!" Seta said happily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you want to be my best friend?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Do you like puppies?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

---ooo---

"Here's…um, your waters…" said Double S, putting six glasses of water on the table in about four seconds flat out of extreme panic. "Uh…Serenity…I…I want to…"

"God, what are you going to do, confess your love to her?" asked Seto. Two seconds latter, he was pegged by a full glass of water that Serenity slammed against the back of his head (miraculously, the glass didn't break).

"THANKYOUSOMUCHFORSTICKINGUPTOMEIDON'TKNOWHOWI'LLEVERTHANKYOUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Double S, running away from the table as fast as he could. (_Rough Translation: I wish to thank you, good lady, for protecting my honor in the face of my most reprehensible boss. Words cannot express my feeling of gratitude. I feel terribly embarrassed at the moment, and I feel like running away screaming. Good day, kind Serenity_.)

---ooo---

"Order, order in the court!" said a judge, as the jury and witness in the back were all saying 'blah blah blah blah'

"I SAID STOP IT WITH USING SOUND AFFECTS ATRIBUTED TO MIXED CONVERSATION OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE!" demanded the judge, as everyone promptly shut up. "Court is in session with the case of The Entire Known Universe vs Roma. All rise."

Everyone got out of their chair.

"AH! SIMON DIDN'T SAY!" said the Judge. "Okay, Simon says rise!"

Everyone stood up.

"Simon says sit!" said the Judge.

Everyone sat.

"Simon says get up again!" said the Judge.

Everyone got up again.

"All sit!" said the Judge.

No one moved.

"GOOD! I'm glad I didn't catch ya!" said the Judge. "Simon says moo!"

"Moo?" everyone said awkwardly.

"Simon says spin around in a circle!" said the judge.

Everyone started spinning around in circles, awkwardly bumping into each other.

"Simon says say your favorite flavor of pie while spinning in the opposite direction!" said the Judge.

"Apple!"

"Blackberry!"

"Meringue!"

"Cherry!"

"Redcurrant!"

"Mixed Berry!"

"Key Lime!"

"American!"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Johney, who kept bumping into Mobster.

---ooo---

"La de da de da, we're just hopping into the castle, la de dah de do…" said Joey happily, hopping by in his bunny suit to the castle past the uncaring bunnies who were watching the movie. "I'M AN FOOT! I mean, a bunny, a cuddly, BUTSIE, bunny!"

"Tee tum bum, nothing to worry about at all…dee do da, we're just going inside for…no reason, tee tum ba," said Ryo, also hopping by. "No reason to wonder why we're nearly six feet tall each…no reason at all…"

"Yeah, and I'm just a bunny…disguised as Seto Kaiba…with bunny ears…" said Seto with bunny ears (they met halfway on the suit thing), walking by with Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in a bunny suit. "If anyone mentions this, they shall die. Diiiiiiiiiii-eyyyeee…"

There was silence.

"Did you hear something?" asked one bunny.

"No," said another.

---ooo---

"Well, hello all!" said Pegasus, walking through a gap that the bunnies separated to let him through. "I'm glad my little bluff worked and you could all come to the fantastic games to be held!"

"What, that was a bluff?" asked Serenity. "You liar!"

"Oh I can't kill you, this story's PG," said Pegasus. "I figured if I just exposed you to enough Tom Jones music, those babies would pop right off!"

"Sicko…" said Seto.

"But I am a man of sport," said Pegasus. "So I wish to play a game with you. If I win, than you have to hand over those platforms, and control of all of Cuz, directly to me…"

"Fine," said Serenity. "But if I win, you have to give back Seto's brother, let us all go, promise not to be bad again, and an item of personal possession!"

"You strive a hard bargain…I accept!" said Pegasus. "Now it's time to start the three day tournament…of the dark game…of…DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!"

---ooo---

Serenity sighed to herself in happiness, as the other three trembled in terror as they stared down the barrel of a pencil cannon, as the insane receptionist continued to dull jabber on the phone. Serenity felt so happy that she was finally going home and that her friends were finally getting what they came all the way here for. She figured that if the wizard was as terribly powerful as he was, maybe he'd know where even Seto's little brother was. And he'd have to be a miracle worker to ever fit Joey with a brain.

"Mm hmm, uh huh…yeah…alright," said the receptionist, as a small miracle took place, as she put down her phone. "The Wizard of Cuz shall see you now…"

"WOOT!" screamed Joey.

"Huraw!" said Ryo.

"Yay…" said Seto unenthusiastically.

---ooo---

"You know, the hallway is a lot less scary the second time around!" said Ryo cheerfully as they all walked down the really tall, really scary hallway.

"I'm glad you aren't sobbing to get away this time…" said Seto.

"No you're not," said Serenity.

"Good point," said Seto.

"I wanna be a spaceman when I grow up…OR A TRANSMIGRATIONALIST!" said Joey.

However, before they could say anything more, they found themselves, once again, at the entrance to the inner sanctum of the most powerful floating head in Cuz. So before we could bask in the glory at how awesome the doors looked, Serenity grabbed the door handle to one of them, and opened it up.

"I see you have returned!" boomed the floating head, as a couple shots of flame bubbled up from the sides of it. "Congratulations on beating Pegasus by the way…don't show me his disgusting pre-school drawing, I already know you kicked his butt. It was on the BBC."

"So can we have our brain, heart, guts, and free trip home now?" asked Serenity.

"Uh…no," said the floating head.

"WHAT THE BEEPIN' BLEEPIN' YOU BLEEP OF A BLEEP!" yelled Seto at a very loud and very unpleasant volume, causing Ryo and Joey to both learn some new words.

"Well sorry, but it turns out I just don't have courage and brains and whatever lying around for cryin'," said the floating head.

Ryo's eyes happened to wander away from the situation of Serenity attempting to stop Seto from attacking the floating head, and he spied a particularly odd sight. There was a small box with a curtain hung over the side, of which was such a drab color, and was so well immersed in the shadows, that it was nearly impossible to spot, and why it went unnoticed until this point. Curiosity getting the better of him, Ryo walked over to the curtains and pulled them open, revealing inside-

"WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A ORGAN DONOR!" asked a short kid with long, black hair and purple-blue eyes with a bandana and jeans (sounding familiar fans?), who was yelling into a voice altering microphone. "I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEART IS!"

"And just who are you?" asked Ryo to the kid.

"EEP!" he said, closing the curtain shut. "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PRE-TEEN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!"

"WOOT! ICE CREAM!" said Joey, completely pulling the curtain straight off it's rings, exposing him to everyone in the room.

"Crud…" muttered the kid.

"MOKUBA!" screamed Seto at the top of his lung, literally trampling Joey (on purpose, mind you) to get to little kid, who cried 'Seto!' in equal happiness, causing them both to hug.

"CAN'T TAKE THE IMAGRY!" screamed Ryo, covering his eyes, which were burning.

"I have just discovered yet another disturbing side to Seto's personality…" said Serenity, also looking at the two as she helped Joey up, slowly dusting him off, as a bunch of hearts were floating around the room from all the love. ( _A/N _Okay, now this is getting scary) "But how come Mokuba's the Wizard of Cuz?"

"Well, when I escaped from Pegasus, I decided to get a job to get some extra money to go find Seto, who I knew was probably doing something stupid, and I got it!" said Mokuba.

"Wait," said Seto. "If you were the Wizard of Cuz all the time, how come you barbequed me when we first saw you?"

"Cause it was loads of fun!" said Mokuba.

Silence.

"How can I argue with an answer like that?" said Seto in a not-cheerful-exactly-but-close voice.

"But still, the facts the same, Joey doesn't have a brain, Ryo doesn't have any guts, and I still can't get home!" said Serenity. "What am I going to do?"

"Hello," said Mai walking into the room. "I just heard that you guys got here, and after beating up the receptionist, I came as soon as I can."

"Hi Mai…" said Serenity. "Do you know anyone else who can help us get a brain, some guts, and me a way home?"

"Oh, I could have got you home all the time," said Mai.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE?" said Serenity.

"Can you honestly say that after everything, you're upset that you had this adventure?" asked Mai.

"Well…no…" said Serenity.

"And I don't need to give you guys a brain or guts," said Mai. "_All _of you had what you needed all the time, but you forgot that you did. Joey always had a brain, Seto always had a heart, and Ryo always had guts, and all you needed to do was to use them. When you break it down, you all have the same amount of brains, hearts, and guts as anyone else."

"But Joey's still the stupidest man alive, and Ryo's still a wuss," said Seto.

"And Seto's still a stuck-up jerkoid," finished Serenity.

"True," said Mai. "But then again, didn't Joey get the tiniest bit smarter as time went on, as he worked with you guys who don't run into things and go 'woot'?"

"Very slight…but yeah, I guess," said Serenity. "He's not eating furniture anymore!"

"Exactly," said Mai. "And didn't Seto get tiniest bit nicer, when you guys actually cared about whether or not he was dead even though the feeling wasn't mutual?"

"You know, I guess he did…" said Ryo.

"And what about you?" asked Mai to Ryo. "Didn't you slowly learn to overcome your fears with people don't turn tails and run away when anything larger than a grapefruit rears it's ugly head?"

"RYO ROCKS!" screamed Joey.

"So in a really twisted way, your saying that we found what we wanted on the actual journey instead of a fixed point?" said Seto.

"Bingo," said Mai. "Even I can do philosophy once in awhile."

"Well…if all of you got what you want…" said Serenity.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!" sobbed Joey openly.

"Me neither!" said Ryo. "WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!"

"It will be disappointing when the only sane one goes…" said Seto.

"But I have to go home," said Serenity. "I've got my own family, and I need to start my own life, and my Mom's probably so worried about me! But…I'm going to miss you guys so much...it's not easy for me to go either…"

"She's gotta go guys," said Mai, putting a hand on Serenity's shoulder. "She's right you know. She has her own life she's gotta build. So say your goodbyes."

"Goodbye Serenity," said Ryo, huge tears in his eyes. "I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Don't worry Ryo," said Serenity kindly, giving him a pat on the back. "You're going to be fine. It's time to go out there and use those guts of yours. I still want that lasagna recipe someday, okay?"

"Okay," Ryo said, nodding and smiling through the tears, then pulling over a corner of Seto's trench coat and blowing his nose in it.

"I let that slide just this once Ryo…" said Seto.

"Bye Seto," said Serenity, holding out a hand to be shook. "It's been fun."

"Yes…it was…" said Seto shaking it.

"Oh lighten up," said Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to Seto. "You're a good kid. I'm sure you can take care of yourself before you get a permanent conscience."

"Um….thanks…" said Seto.

"No problem," said Serenity and Ms. Fuzzy-Kins simultaneously.

"SERENITY!" Joey bawled, hugging her once again, nearly cracking her ribs.

"Joey…you have…" Serenity managed to choke through the hug. "…you have…no idea…how much I'm…going to miss you…"

"Really?" Joey asked, with huge, shiny eyes.

"I'm glad I was the first to meet you…" said Serenity. "You rock dude."

"YOU TOO!" said Joey, giving her a friendly punch on the back, nearly knocking her over. "WOOT WOOT!"

"Alright, this is getting weird," said Mai, pulling out her wand.

"Look both ways before you cross the street!" said Ryo.

"Thanks for taking such good care of Seto!" said Mokuba.

"Yeah, yeah…" said Seto.

"APRICOTS!" screamed Joey.

"Do I have to chant some magic spell or something to get me home?" asked Serenity to Mai.

"No, I just need to hit you on the head," said Mai, smacking Serenity in the head with the wand. Serenity felt her head spin oddly, then she felt as if she was being sucked up by the tornado, as everything swirled by in an inconceivable pool of memories…

---ooo---

"I'M AWAKE!" she screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed, but this time, she found herself not in Cuz, or her room, but slid between the white sheets of a hospital bed, a bandage wraped around her head. "What happened? Where…"

"SERENITY!" screamed Serenity's Mom enthusiastically, who was sitting on a chair besides her bed, waiting for her to wake up. Serenity was never happier to see her mother of whom was of questionable sanity.

"Mom! You won't believe it!" said Serenity, to here mother, throwing herself in her arms, not caring that there was a doctor and a nurse also in her room. "I got sucked into a tornado, and got teleported to a magical land, and I met a good witch and a bad witch, and a blonde idiot named, and a skinny jerk, and a near-albino wuss, and we had all of these adventures-"

"Shall I get the tranquilizers doctor?" asked the nurse.

"No, let me handle this one…" said the doctor.

"Mom…what happened? Didn't you get sucked up by the tornado too?" asked Serenity.

"Honey, we live in the hills, we don't get tornados…" said her Mom. "You were knocked unconscious for three hours."

"Then…what happened?" asked Serenity.

"Well…" said her Mom.

---ooo---

"I love polishing bowling balls on the roof!" said Serenity's Mom, holding up one blue one, which she was lovingly polishing with an old cloth. After inspecting it thoroughly, she tossed in on a pile of other bowling balls, but it missed, and crashed through a weak spot in the roof.

"Oops…" said her Mom, crawling over the hole, looking through it to see that Serenity had passed out on the bed, the bowling ball presumably clocking her on the head. "Oh crap, now I have to move again...I wonder where my fake ID maker is…"

---ooo---

"Nothing of importance," said Mom. Serenity didn't care at the moment. She was just glad to be on her plane of reality. Though she couldn't believe that all that was just a dream…

---ooo---

The rest of the week went with little incident. Serenity was released from the hospital a little later that day. She went back to school, feeling much more confident and much less sad as she managed to trudge through the day. Even though her vision returned to being fuzz, she faced everything with a sense of humor. Maybe…just maybe…she can see her oddball friends one day. They were bound to be on the other side of the sweater.

So one particular day, Serenity walked down for breakfast exactly a week after the little incident.

"OH MY GOD!" her mother screamed at her as she came down.

"What is it Mom?" asked Serenity in shock.

"It's before seven…and your up and about…" said her Mom in a dramatic tone. "Is the bed on fire?"

"Yeah yeah, very funny Mom," said Serenity, as the phone rang right next to her. Grateful she at least had her hearing, she picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked on the phone.

"Hey sis! What's up?" said a familiar voice on the other end of the line. Serenity automatically lit up.

"JOEY!" she cried. "Oh Joey! You finally got my message!"

"You bet! I've had it for a while actually…sorry I haven't been able to call. Heh heh…" said Joey. "But listen! This time, I've got a message for you!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Serenity, confused.

"Let me put it this way," said Joey. "Guess who won his sister enough money for an eye operation?"

---ooo---

**THE END**

**WELL, ACTUALLY, NO THERE'S A LITTLE SUMMING UP PART**

"And that, dear reader, is our story," said the Shakespearean Narrator from chapter one. "If you are paying attention at all, it is because you're a nerd who really needs to look at better fan fictions than this load of garbage. Please exit from this fan fiction either through the left or the right-"

"THERE HE IS!" screamed a bunch of police officers, bursting into the Shakespearian room thing. "DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

"Oh no, they found me!" screamed the Shakespearean Narrator, running straight through a wall, leading him to the parking lot, jumping in a random convertible, and slamming the gas, driving off into the sunset, a hoard of police officers on his trail.

**THE END**

**Nope, we're lying again.**

"You know what?" said Mobster, as she, ASV, and Double S sat around, watching the end of the fanfic.

"What?" asked ASV.

"Remember in the beginning when they said that random people were going to be struck by lightning?" asked Mobster.

"Uh huh," said Double S.

"How come no one really got struck by lighting?" asked Mobster.

"This just in!" said a news bulletin on the TV that they were watching the Fan Fic on. "For reasons unknown, random members of congress are being struck down by lighting, all in a most painful way."

"You know…I'm oddly satisfied…" said Mobster.

"Tonight on 20/20, was Leonardo DeVinchi a man of great artistic soul, bring reality and religion together in unexpected an twisted ways, and possibly dropping hints of himself being in a secret society to protect a holy bloodline, or a small seagull named Roger?" said the news people. "But now, oh wait, this just in, HERE ARE THE CREDITS!"

**EXTREMELY CHEEP AND VIRTUALLY WORTHLESS CREDITS OF 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'**

**CAST IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE/INSIGNIFICANCE**

SERENITY WHEELER  
Shizuka Kawai

SERENITY'S MOM  
Manami Kawai

THE SHAKESPEAREAN NARRATOR  
Some Guy

MS. FUZZY-KINS  
Genevive S. Fuzzy-Kins

MAI THE GOOD WITCH OF THE NORTH, NORTH EAST  
Mai Kujaku

YUGI MOTOU, WICKED, OPPRESIVE DICTATOR OF MUNCHKINLAND  
Yugi Motou

PEGASUS, THE NOT-NICE WITCH OF THE WEST  
Maximillion J. Pegasus

JOEY WHEELER, PROFESSIONAL BLONDE LUNATIC  
Katsuya Jonouchi

SETO KAIBA, SEMI-EVIL NUT WHO'S AFRAID OF MICE  
Seto Kaiba

YAMI-BAKURA, ALSO KNOWN AS NOT-RYO, KIND OF KNOWN AS THE DANCING OLD GUY IN SIX-FLAGS COMERCIALS  
A very long Egyptian Name I don't feel like typing

WIL, THE MYSTICAL GENERATION X'ER OF AQUESO  
William Sorbet

RYO BAKURA, A RANDOM ALBINO BRITISH CUTIE  
Ryo Bakura

GENERAL FLUFFA-PIE, HEAD OF THE FBBI (FUZZY BUNNY BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION), AS WELL AS PEGASUS' BEST FRIEND  
Thomas Fluffa-Pie

BOB, A COMPLETELY EVIL SERGEANT  
Joe Schmoe

THE INCREDIBLY EVIL AND HOMOCIDAL SNAKE THE KILLER  
Donny Osmond

TEA GARDNER, A POOR GIRL WHO HAS TO SUFFER LAME SUMMER JOBS AS WELL AS FAKE NAMES  
Anzu Masaki

MOBSTER ROMA, A MOB LEADER IN TRAINING  
The Authoress' Mom (and several stunt doubles)

JOHNNY ROMA, A PROFESSIONAL MOB LEADER  
The Authoress' Dad (and several stunt doubles)

THE MASTER OF PUTRID YOUTH  
Byrant Trackor

STEPHANIE DIMAGIO, AN EVIL CHARACTER BASHER (WHO IS A GUY)  
Some random used car salesman we found off the street

JEFF, PROFESSIONAL TEA BASHER  
Jeff Furuba (he doesn't find his last name funny, and anyone who does is now dead)

MARCUS, PROFESSIONAL KAIBA BASHER  
Marcus Girlz (Same goes here)

TED, PROFESSIONAL JOEY BASHER  
Another random used cars salesman who we think was a bit drunk at the time we pulled him off the street

FAN GIRL, A FANGIRL  
Miho Nosaka

TEA FAN, A TEA FAN  
Stacie Jones

JOEY FAN, A JOEY FAN, THOUGH SHE'S ALSO QUITE BIG ON MARIK  
Elizabeth Newhousan

SETO FAN, A SETO FAN  
Amanda-San (Hope you're having fun in college)

THE DARK LORD CHUCKLES THE SILLY PIGGY  
The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy

CAPTAIN DUMPLING  
Snuggles Dumpling

JOHN THE IRRITABLE  
John John

MARIA THE SPAINARD AKA MARIA THE ABUSER OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER  
Maria Honduraz

RICHARD THE DRAMA QUEEN  
Richard Bonzer

NANCY THE WISE CRACKER  
Nancy Drew

AGENT SWEATER VEST  
Past Self of Seto Kaiba (we think)

SPIRIT, SETO'S STALKER  
Esarabano Yoshime

AN ELEMENTAL DRAGON  
Bobby Bob Bill

MIZZ FANTASIA  
Serina Fantasia

BABOO  
Claudious Q. Conchesta-Lamabata

TRISTAN TAYLOR, A USELESS CHARACTER WHO'S BARELY WORTH BEING ON THIS PAGE  
Hiroto Honda

KAMI, A MAGICAL GIRL  
Kami Nanasawa

THE QUEEN OF THE MICE PEOPLE  
Vivian Rubin

WHEELER JOESEPH  
Jonouchi Katsuya

THE QUEEN OF THE OCCULT  
Nil-Chan (You go Girl)

RYU THE HOMOCIDAL MANIAC  
Ryu Barabus

DOCTOR ROB  
Doctor Robert Studwell

NURSE SHARON  
Sharon Hethburrow

SETA  
Do you really want to know?

SPIRIT OF THE SNOW  
God Knows

THAT RANDOM PERSON IN THE LAST SCENE WHO APPROPRIATLY DOESN'T APEAR IN THIS STORY  
Sjaowet Mydawtn

RYO FAN  
Bethany Handsbrook

MOKUBA KAIBA, UNFORTUNATE BLOOD RELATIVE TO SETO KAIBA  
Mokuba Kaiba

THE PSYCHOTIC AUTHORESS  
Shrilanka-San

**A THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING**

Kazuki Takahashi, for creating Yu-Gi-Oh and all it's characters, who I have an extreme tendency to rip off  
Natsuki Takaya, who created 'Fruit's Basket', a great manga, with great characters who I steal, and very pretty men  
Whoever the heck runs FF dot Net for being so kind as to…well, run it

**A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING**

To all my lovely reviewers and readers:

Gothangelmyu  
Nkitty29  
Nashida  
KaiMai/Mifurry  
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler  
Twinsanity  
Beatlergirl  
Mana-the-authoress  
Darkdaisy  
Nightbringer  
Anordin  
Serenity-yugioh-fan05  
Mokuba's Official Glomper  
Aron  
Yamiko Yakou  
ImortalofGoddess  
Kiwigirl89  
Funky Egyptian  
Chexfan2000  
Broken and Bleeding  
Onixmage  
Philosoraptor  
Cute 'lil Yami  
Bilbo-Sama  
Komoki Tsuno  
Princess Mika of the Shadows  
Lefthandedfreak (and Josh the Figmant Man)  
Magnum Chaos  
ShadowFire2  
Amarie Miriel  
LoneFlyinTigers  
Pointe Master  
L-Chan the Insignificant  
Imperfect Paradise  
Ryuu  
Fuzzy Bunny  
Catgirl Is Special  
Bunny Aino  
Keruha Digifox  
Catapult Turtle  
Loysane Maiden

What would I do without you guys? ;D

**AN EXTRA SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING**

My friends who never had a clue all of this was going on, Amanda-San, Nil-Chan, Aii-Chan, J-Chan, K-Chan, Roba-San, and B-Kun

My poor old but wise chess instructor, M-Sama, who's words of wisdom can never be fully appreciated

My poor Ugata-San (Mommy) who has to live with my Manga, who reads Yu-Gi-Oh, and to some extent enjoys it. Plus, she's the one who taught me to love shiny new books. I luv you soooo much Mommy. Hope you liked this story.

My Tou-San (Daddy), who's wisdom, sarcastic humor, quotes, and random idioms keep me alive and happy. He provided more framework for my characters than he cares to admit. I wuv you sooo much too.

My Little Brother, who suffers most, if not all, of my abuse. I love you too pall.

Cathy-Sensei, Fil-Sensei, and Steve-Sensei. Thank God I have you for teachers. And to J-Sensei, wherever she is, you'll make a good teacher somewhere.

---ooo---

_Dear Everyone,_

_As hard as it is for me to say this, it's time to finish this story. After this final bit, it will be officially the end. Really. Honestly. Anyway, before that, I'd just like to wrap things up quickly in the best way I can._

_It was Tuesday in late December 2004 when I started writing this story, and now, today, on Wendsday, August 31st, 2005, I write this final piece. That means that this story has been running for more than eight months, which both feels like forever, and not very long at all._

_It's really odd. I guess it really hasn't hit me yet that by the time I'm finished writing this letter thing, 'The Wizard of Cuz' will be officially finished. I grew up a lot with this story, in good and in bad. It will be kind of hard to let it all go._

_My life has been really hectic at times writing this story. And really, from all the madness on a global scale, or just day to day, this story almost thrives. The whole point of it was that you, the reader, could come home at least knowing that every week, you'd get a chapter of this story that cheers you up, no matter just what happens._

_I could never say that I ever felt bad about writing this story, or any chapter in it at all (well, maybe that one…). And if there's one person I have to thank for that, it's you, the readers. Like it or not, you have given more to this story than you thought, and even just one review in the mail can power me to write a great chapter, as well as contribute to it's humor. So in a way, we all made this story. I just wrote the darn thing. So thank you all. You have no idea how much I owe you._

_Well, I don't want to bore you with my incoherent ranting. FOR ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION, I will be premiering a new story called **THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARIK**_, _which will start next Friday and will update…every Friday. CHEERS!_

_THANKIE SPANKIES!_

_Shrilanka-San_

_P.S. THE END! Really…actually…you can go home now…drive safely…_


End file.
